greentext time! All of this is a 100% true story, believe it or not. Also this is a long one, because it tells the tale of the most eventful week and a half of my life
Anon goes on a cruise (pic related)
>be me
>15
>whole family (mom's side) is going on a cruise, courtesy of Grandma
>consists of me, my mom and her jackass chad boyfriend, then my 2 uncles (one of which is married) and my aunt (also married). my married uncle has 2 kids and my aunt has 3. Also my half uncle and his wife/2 kids are coming (I have a step grandpa, that's why)
>day one, Wednesday
>cruise starts Saturday, but we have a dog to deal with
>small dog, basically a rat
>mom didn't want to put him in a kennel for a week and a half because reasons
>fly down to Florida, specifically chad's sister's house
>she's watching the dog while we're gone
>by the way the sister is rich as fuck and also has OCD (this is important later)
>sister has a son, 13 or 14, pretty chill
>anyways everything went fine there until Thursday
>looking for silverware drawer to eat dinner
>open random drawer, see envelope with a bunch of $1s in it
>poor as fuck at the time, so I decide to steal it. Just not yet
>wait until everyone is sleeping, around 2AM
>go downstairs
>take envelope, put it in my bag, turns out it was $29 all in ones
>Friday the whole family was staying at an embassy suites to get everything last-minute together
>in room
>see mom's wallet, has 3 $20s and a few ones
>take 2 $20s, she won't notice, right?
>doesn't
>mfw
>Saturday morning at breakfast grandma gives all the kids $50 for souvenirs
>now with the money I had already brought I was sitting at exactly $200
>leave for the port, everything is good
>cruise time!
cont.
>>769177427
Cont?
>>769177427
you brought exactly $131?
yea, no
Cont please
>>769177719
sorry, $81
still bull
Continue, why not
>>769177427
>>be me
>>15
MODS!
>>769177962
He means 15 at the time of the story
Cont op, dont be a fag.
>>769177962
>being this retarded
>>769177962
Retard bigger detected.
>>769177719
>You brought exactly $131?
>>769177900
>Sorry, $81
How can you be so bad at maths that you can get either of those numbers?
I even tried to remove parts of the equation so I could see your reasoning, but there's fucking none.
(1*29) + (2*20) + 50 = $119
>How?
Please continue op
>>769177581
People like you that fucking keep asking
>Cont?
Are literally niggers. Stop the story, and kill yourself
cont. (part 2)
>place is really cool
>up on the pool deck there's 2 pools, but the nice one is 18+ only so that kinda sucks
>from my aunt with 3 kids, one is older, one is younger than me by exactly 2 weeks, and the 3rd is a few years younger
>me and older cousin eat lunch together at the buffet, play on the top deck mini golf course
>day plays out well, go back to room with mom/chad
>sleep, wake up sunday
>mom tells me there's a teen club that's like 13-17 only
>sign up for it and go
>everyone there kinda sucks, but there's 2 wii u's that all have mario kart 8 and smash 4, so play those for a while
>rest of day plays out well, spend more time with oldest cousin
>sleep, wake up monday
>so far best vacation ever
>after breakfast go back to teen club
>all the wii u's are full
>fuk.avi
>there's an air hockey table, so I just lean against the wall all cool-like
>was dressed like a chad that day, cargo shorts, grey tank top, shark tooth necklace
>after a while, this 8.5-9/10 girl comes up to me
>"hey, wanna play uno with us?"
>hellyes.mp4
>play uno for a while, the other 2 people playing with us are completely irrelevant
>find out girl is from FL, which sucks because I live in the midwest
>whatever, even though we'll never see each other after this cruise, I'm still going as far as I can on this ship
>Monday is the first fancy night, so whole family has to dress nice and eat in one of the 3 main dining rooms
>say see ya to girl, go get dressed all fancy and eat
>food is good, life is good, go back to teen club but girl's not there
>oh well, mario kart time
>kick some ass in mario kart, go to bed, excited that I met a girl
cont.
>>769178403
he said he now has a total of $200 with the money he brought
Brush up on your reading comprehension
Also OP is a gay nigger for not pretyping this out
>>769178403
>with the money I had already brought
200-119=81
Dumbass
>>769178652
this story sucks dick just like you
>>769178928
I actually like this story
>>769178928
Dnt listen to the haters OP
Keep going I want to see how this ends
>>769179356
It ends with him touching one boob over clothes and jizzing his pants
>>769179487
Kek
>>769178652
Imagine going on a cruise and just playing Nintendo the whole time. Absolute autism. Also pre-type your stories, dickhead I ain't got the time
Bump
cont. (part 3)
>Tuesday happens
>first stop of the cruise, Jamaica
>at Jamaica me, my mom, chad, and my aunt/uncle/3 cousins all went river tubing and zip-lining
>super fun, zip-lining especially because my mom is afraid of heights and the guide people keep making fun of her
>get back on the ship, and just hung out with the rest of the family for the night
>go to sleep around 11:30-12:00
>this is where stuff starts going wrong
>around 2:00 chad comes into room, pretty tipsy
>"anon wake up"
>me, confused and tired: "wtf why?"
>"i lost your mom"
>how?
>ask him where she was last
>"the casino"
>tell him "ok, look there then"
>"fuck you, anon"
>excuse me, what?
>he proceeds to curse me out for what felt like ages
>finally decide to go look for my mom so he'll shut the fuck up
>I say, "fuck you, chad, fine!"
>he gets all triggered that I swore at him, acting like he wasn't just cursing me out
>walk down to the grand staircase (pic related)
>instantly see mom
>mfw
>tell her what had just happened in the room
>she's sober enough to care
>go back to the room and fall asleep
>Wednesday comes, today we stopped at the Cayman Islands
>go snorkeling/stingray swimming with my aunt/uncle/3 cousins, mom/chad did other stuff
>after the stop go eat dinner with family, no time for teen club tonight
>mom tells me that the teen club was doing a 'pool party' for an hour in the adult pool
>decide to go
>after about 20 minutes the girl from before shows up wearing a pretty skimpy bikini
>erect.wav
>after the party everyone does the wobble
>lets just say the both of us wobbled pretty hard
>after the party female tells us that there's a movie being shown at the teen club
>yeah, I'll go
>meet her at the teen club, we both had changed btw
>movie is moana
>about 15 minutes in, decide to be a chad
>put my arm around her shoulder
>she actually is fine with it
>score!
>fast-forward 20 minutes, the both of us are feeling each other all over the place
cont.
Is op kill?
What a shit story
>>769180331
Is ded
>>769180299
How many parts is this story op
Hurry the hell up
rip OP for not pre-typing
What a shit story kys
Type faster nigger
Bump
Whelp open and shut case, here it is again
OP=Fag
>>769177427
If it isnt pre typed it isnt true
>>769180299
>Come for an interesting story
>It's just some faggot telling us about his holiday
What a shit story. Cut out all this gay filler no one cares about and get to the fucking point.
>>769177427
you type slower than my fucking dead grandpa holy shit an hour to type three shitty blocks of greentext wtf
tldr
>op has a normal cruise with his normal faggot family
>>769178652
>teen's club
Dude I went on 2 cruises in like 2002 and 2004 when I was a kid. Both times were fucking awesome due to the teen's clubs being corrupt as fuck.
The first time when I was 13, one of the girl councilor's that helped setup events for the club (mid to late 20s) ended up sneaking us alcohol and blowing like half the kids in the club. These crazy councilor's would encouraged us to finger the teen girls during the teen's club trip to the ship's movie theater.
Went back again a couple years later and was old enough to make my own friends and acquire alcohol without needing to be in a club. Ended up fucking this girl with insanely rich parents and then coupling up with her 9/10 latina friend and nutting in her like 3 times a day for the rest of the cruise.
I owe this all to the teen's club for teaching me how cruising is meant to go.
check em
fargot keyboard
>>769181305
Dudes story is way more interesting then OP's
>>769177427
check ém
OP's probably gone
cont. (part 4)
>eventually, after about an hour of fondling every crack and crevasse of each other, we both go back to our rooms.
>I walk her down to her room like the chad I am
>we kiss
>don't even know how to feel, just walk back to my room
>nobody's there yet
>release all the built up 'stress'
>go to sleep
>chad comes into the room with mom
>yelling loud as fuck, again
>apparently mom was hoeing at the bar
>after listening for like 5 minutes I speak up
>"chad, I get that you're angry, and I respect that, but you share this room. Please save it until tomorrow, and let me sleep"
>he actually listens
>holyshit.rar
>Thursday, thanksgiving
>no stop today
>go to breakfast
>halfway through eating chad and mom come up to me
>they say chad got a text from his sister that she was missing money
>o shit
>say it wasn't me
>mom believes me, chad doesn't
>I say: "can we please just deal with this once this cruise is over, I want to enjoy this vacation while it lasts"
>they agree and leave
>chill in the teen club with female for the majority of the day
>need to leave at like 4:30 to get dressed for thanksgiving dinner
>go to room
>chad found the envelope, the one his sister's money was in
>I come clean, but only about the $29 I took
>give it to chad
>feelsbadman
>he tries to act tough, saying he'll get me arrested
>I just keep insisting that he waits until the cruise is over
>he finally shuts up and we go to dinner
>dinner itself was fine, especially since all the kids had their own table away from the adults
>after dinner we're doing family pictures in the main staircase (pic related for real this time)
>walking down to where whole family was waiting
>chad says "you know, you're gonna be in real big trouble anon"
>I say OK
>he calls me a smart ass
>I'm fed up
>I call him a dumb ass (completely true)
>he flips out, goes and tells my entire family that I'm a thief
>family is confused
cont.
>>769177427
check em.
>>769181456
About fucking time
>>769181382
agreed, more pls
>>769180633
just 14 more parts
hold on
>>769181613
OP shoulda planned this out better
Why the fuck would you keep the money in the envelope wtf
>>769181305
OP is a nigger
This is your thread now
>>769181305
Greentext?
>>769181456
I can't believe I'm still reading one of the most boring , drawn-out stories every written. I must be a huge fucking loser to be wasting my time reading this shit story.
at this point i'm praying for the dinosaur
>>769181767
>being such a neet that you don’t own a wallet
>>769177427
TL DR more like the most long and boring week of your life
>>769181456
my nipples have already fossilized i can't wait much longer
>>769177427
>>769178652
>>769180299
>>769181456
This faggot probably came from Creepswork or Mr. Greentext or Pewdiepie
>>769181867
yes. yes you are
>>769181867
I know right.
This is now a fbf thread.
>>769181873
its the only way to save face at this point
Op is probably gone
Look at this while you wait
OP is a swaggot
>completely true
>>769177427
fine this is now a Spiderman thread
>>769177427
>All of this is a 100% true story, believe it or not.
I dont believe it, this is just too wild to be true
>>769182222
what the fuck quads
>>769182124
>get back to shore
>give money back
>she says she needs a little "interest"
>I sigh and ask how much more
>about three fitty
>not agian
>the GOD DAMN lockness monster is trying to get my hard earned sheckels
>>769182278
Then you niggerfaggot best believe it’ll become a spooderman thread you soyboi cuck nigger assfuck
>>769182376
the one and only I ever saved
>>769182454
Im gonna pretend this is the conclusion and leave the thread
I had a boner, but you took so long to type, it gave up
>>769182602
Same
>be me
>also be 16
>friends think it's cool to go to Hooters
(never been back to one, this story might be why)
>tell my friends not to let me eat their spiciest wings, need to stop that
>order spiciest wings out of addiction, friends don't even look up
>thanks fags
>shit was greasy, gross, 4/10 hot
>on way home, tummy is rumbly
>think there's no way I gotta shit yet. I just ate 15 min ago, I just need something to calm it
>"hey driver anon, can you stop by Wal-Mart for ice cream sandwiches?"
>"we're not stopping by that capatalistic-"
>"shut up, do you want ice cream sandwiches or not?"
>walking fast to checkout, feel the alien pushing its way against my abdomen
>can't take it. Stash ice cream sandwiches in coke fridge and head straight to bathroom
>thank God it's empty
>no time for fancies, hit first stall, toilet seat up, just gonna have to squat
>pants aren't even around my knees yet. The slightest bend in my waist was all it took
>BeGentleSenp- UNLEASHTHEKRAKEN.gif
>what exploded out of me was unholier than Satan double fisting the Virgin mother Mary on sweet baby Jesus' birthday dinner table
>it hit the wall, the stall, the floor, every inch of that toilet
>yeah a little on my pants too.
>multiple successive explosions followed by my ass whimpering with its own excrement
>there was even an outline on the wall where I left the seat up
>used a whole role of that shitty industrial single ply toilet paper to clean up as much as I could off the toilet, but to no avail
>I tried /b/, I honestly tried to get as much as I could in the toilet, tried to clean what I could
>...but there was so much...
>I felt bad for whoever was gonna have to clean this up
>I would've flushed the toilet, but I had shat on the handle too
Bump
cont. (part 5)
>my uncle (the dad of 3) and my half-uncle step in
>tell chad he deserved being called a dumbass (they both hate his guts)
>feelsgoodman
>best part
>grandma formally un-invites chad from family pictures
>whole family is glad that he's gone
>next hour spent telling family what happened
>after that, me and my older cousin decide to ignore the events of the last hour and go to a karaoke night that the teen club was hosting
>girl is there
>whole thing was a blast, me and my cousin sang Sweet Caroline because memes
>girl sings Hey There Delilah
>really good singer
>makes my whole night better
>eventually when the night is over I walk her back to her room, hug her, and go to my older cousin's room, because I'm not rooming with chad again
>older cousin and unmarried uncle shared a room since they couldn't fit in any other rooms
>finally got a good night's sleep
>Friday, last stop, in Mexico
>all was well, me and a couple of my uncles/mom went snorkeling
>we were eating at this beach restaurant when we found out one of my cousins (the older of the group of 2) had run away
>she has major issues (overweight, depressed, etc.)
>one uncle says she can't have gone that far
>we got at least 30 Mexicans helping us
>her dad eventually found her by a lighthouse abound 1/4 mile away
>once that ordeal was done with we went back to the ship
>checked the teen club, but girl wasn't there
>go to the arcade with my cousins
>win the major prize on stacker first try, got really nice noise-cancelling earbuds
>since this was the last day, and we were getting back to port at like 6am the next day (Saturday), my cousin and I stay up all night together on our balcony, because the door was soundproof and we didn't want to wake our uncle up
>spent all night playing with shitty arcade toys and eating food that we piled up on plates from the buffet
>morning comes, we all leave the ship and start going back home
cont.
>>769182199
Lmao hammer factory
Cancerous posts
>>769182659
11/10 anon, would read again
i can't believe i'm posting in the worst thread in 4chan history look at your boy now ma
Something to look at while waiting
>>769182659
By far the highlight of the thread.
Something else
>>769182725
>cont.
FUCK YOU
cont. (part 6/last part you impatient fucktards)
>my mom, chad and I were driving a rental car home so we didn't have to pay for a flight
>stop at sister's house to pick up the dog and give the money back
>apologize and all that
>spend the entire drive home with my new earbuds blasting so I didn't have to listen to chad
>realization in 3...2...1...
>I never got to say goodbye to the girl I met
>heartbroken
>I could've gone way farther with her were it not for chad
>pissed off even more
>spend whole rest of car ride either pissed off or sleeping
>get home Sunday night
>go to school next day like nothing happened
and that's it for my first greentext! sorry I didn't pre-type it, guess I'm not that smart yet x-x
anyways hope it wasn't too much of a waste of your time seeing my heart break, my family get fucked up and how I could've been technically arrested.
>>769183087
Wtf, you little crap I hope this shit is worth the time I am investing on it.
I really hope someone dies in this story
I believed in you when no one else did OP why would u waste my time with this shit tier story
>>769183148
Not worth the wait faggot
>>769183148
what a shit fucking story
>>769183148
Congrats, you've made me want to kill everyone on the planet rather than them ever opening this thread
>>769183148
Faggot. Boring story. kys
>>769183148
So you had a normal ass vacation?
Sitting on a toilet feeling my turd crawling back to my intestines. What's the point of all this?
>>769183148
What a fucking gay ass story, kill yourself
history is made, gayest faggot OP of all faggot OPs, with the stupidest thread ever posted on fucking /b/
>>769181011
Kek
>>769183148
next time type it out before hand so people don't have to wait an hour for a story that goes absolutely fucking nowhere
>>769182454
>get back to shore
>give money back
>she says she needs a little "interest"
>first sexual encounter is with my aunt
>try thinking about AT pi, but can't get it up
>aunt decides it don't need be hard
>shoves my flaccid peepee in her hoohoo
>i instantly spill my spaghetti
>aunt gets preggers
>next cruise with my cousins will also be with my son
>>769181456
>keeping the envelope
I hope you learned from this
>>769183148
I hope Chad rapes you one day
>>769183148
Did you find that story in a pile of shirt god damn
>>769183403
I hope he gets fucked in the ass by a box of envelopes every night
Get to the action
>>769183148
It didnt end with you fucking? ‘Technically arrested’ for stealing $30? Wtf what a shit story anon 0/10
>>769183148
Now im late to work you stupid fuck
>>769183381
>>769183148
How was your heart broken? You barely knew her for any time at all... was it your first kiss or something? Also, I don't know how Chad puts up with your shit...
I fucking wasted my time reading this
REEEEEE
>>769183492
bruh if only it ended with fucking, that's part of why i was so salty about this whole thing
>>769183718
if you could see into my every day life you'd know it was chad who's shit I had to put up with, also he started shit before he knew I stole if that says anything
>>769183148
5/10 for trolling everyone.
>>769183778
So you wasted all of our time because you didn't get laid!?
Ok everybody, lets start making threads about times we didn't get laid.
FUCKING BRILLIANT! ASSHOLE!
>>769183778
also part of why i was heartbroken was because i got to know her waay better than what this story describes for the sake of time
>>769183865
Well Chad didn't waste my time with a SHIT story. So, he's ok in my book.
On the other hand, you (faggot) did!
>>769183933
how many stories are about almost getting laid only to be cucked last minute? at least that's how I felt, not sure if you guys got that vibe
>age 15 when story occurs
>release to dvd march 2017
>watches moana on the trip
>it's barely been a year since you could've had this happen to you.
No wonder this story sucks so much. You're still underage.
>>769184019
ah shut up pussy ass, you're the one who kept reading
>>769184076
shit, my cover's blown. oh well.
>>769183148
this was the biggest waste of time ever
what the living shit
>eventful week
>regular fucking vacation
is this what you call exciting? is this what you call eventful?
what do you do for fun? watch paint dry?
and what fucking idiot keeps the fucking envelope, have you never stolen something before? what are you from like fucking Ohio or somethng jesus what a waste
>>769183933
I'll start!
>be me
>match cute looking chubby on tinder
>meet in RL to watch a movie
>she's 200 pounds heavier than in her picture
>absolutelydisgusting.jpg
>watch the movie without making any moves on her
>she's hot to trot and i'm still repulsed
>make up an excuse and leave
>go home, pretend the night never happened
>>769184168
i did say that i'm from the midwest, and yeah, the best thing to do around these parts is watch corn grow
>>769184204
10/10 story
>>769183933
>lets all make threads about times we didn't get laid
Omfg was OP a retard
>>769184204
>cont.
>>769184379
kek
>>769184076
oh dear jesus this explains it all.
OP, kid. get a life. walk outside and do something.
burn shit and do drugs or something
\Im sorry your moms getting excavated by your stepd dad Terry every night who steals your mt dew but no one fucking cares
>>769184439
nice meme, and yeah i guess the outside is pretty chill. it has corn, and that's about it
>>769184558
Op why are you such a faggot
>>769177427
>Another cont. fag.
>Learn to sum up your post.
>Go to bed, you have to take out the garbage
>and clean your room
>before the bus picks you up for school tomorrow.
>Get off /b/
>you shouldn't be here.
>>769183148
Greentext story rules can best be summed up as my old bitch bus driver used to shout at us- somebody better be bleeding, vomiting, shiting, or dying if you're going to waste my time
If you were 15 when this story happened, and it was thanksgiving break, and you saw Moana. Moana came out November 23rd 2016. It came out on DVD in March of 2017. So that means this happened this past Thanksgiving. So you are 15 or 16. Get the fuck out faggot
>go on cruise
>at the pool and a hot chick is staring at me
>she winks and swims over to me
>introduces herself
>she asks if the water is hot or if its just me
>i say water
>she reaches into my swim trunks to grab my dick
>accidentally grabs the banana i was saving for later
>ship crashes into ice berg and we all die
I feel your pain OP.
>>769183148
Kys
