What's the correct way to wipe ass?
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Only a fool would take anything posted here as fact.
Only a fool would take anything posted here as fact.
What's the correct way to wipe ass?
Depends on how much of a mess I made
>>768844997
Elaborate
>>768844884
Who the fuck sit wipes? Maybe I'm autistic but I don't understand it.
Stand wipe masterrace I guess?
>wiping with paper
How medieval
Civilised people use bidet
Some people stand to wipe, some people continue sitting to wipe. This is a huge ordeal in our friend group. Recently found my wife is a stander and we are getting divorce papers
>>768844884
I do both.
>>768845262
when you stand up you squish your cheeks together, aka squish shit all over your ass, while sitting your ass is spread and fully wipeable.
>>768845278
i still use a ply to wipe/check the water off my bum after gettinng sprayed.
>>768845382
This.
>>768845280
good, tell her to sign them standing up.
hold balls with left hand and wipe back to front with right
>>768845382
This and for fucks sake flush right after you take your dump
>>768845592
are your balls hanging over your ass?
>>768845262
You must be trolling no one fucking stand wipes
>>768845278
>he doesn't k ow about the sea shells.
>>768845592
You never wipe back to front you filthy fuck.
>>768844884
Stand wipe is only wipe
>>768845382
Correct!!
>>768845696
>flush right after you take your dump
And get hit by the splash.
I'm a stand wiper I always have been. I think it steams from your parents wiping your ass as a child.
Ps I'm pooping now
>>768845696
Definitely optional
>>768845812
Filthy inbred
>>768845707
no I just hold them out of the way of my other hand
>>768844884
I sit wipe but put my hand between my legs not around back. This allows for a thurough wipe. Stand wipers never fully clean themselves
>>768845592
This is the only way.
>>768845773
Only for girls
>>768845592
This is how I do it exactly. And back to front is fine for a male you autist
>>768845812
sit wipe for the first time and report back your experience
>>768845919
my man
>>768844884
What sort of fucking animal stands and wipes?
>>768845959
Meant to call
>>768845773
The autist
>>768845917
You must be doing some long ass wipes to reach to your balls.
Sit wipe with paper, then bidet. This is the only true way.
>>768844884
I have degenerative arthritis in my spine, and bone necrosis in my right shoulder. The sit wipe is my only real option. However, my gf is a stander. And I can honestly say there is no wrong answer between the two.
>>768845960
Challenge accepted
>>768846013
I too have to pull my balls to the side to wipe my ass. How tiny are your balls?
>>768846022
Bited first, then wipe, you got the order wrong.
It's like washing dishes, you need to soak it first so it's easier to wipe.
>>768845960
It was difficult, new and strange. I couldn't help butt feel I didn't wipe good enough in the sitting position
>>768846082
i'm aware where my asshole ends, you know the area between asshole and balls? You shouldn't wipe there in the first place.
>>768846082
I don't know about you, but When I sit wipe, I shuffle forward, and drape my balls and cock over the front of the toilet seat. It forces me to lean forward a bit, and makes sit wiping so much easier.
And for all of you bidetfags out there, you realize a pack of baby wipes is a lot cheaper, and does the exact same thing right?
>>768846013
>>768846211
You check the paper, your ass it spread so if there is no shit on the paper, you got it all.
Neither. My maid licks me clean everyday.
>>768845278
Bidet masterrace reporting in
>>768845592
This only wipe all the way up to chin
>>768846316
>poorfag
And clogs the fuck out of your toilet if you use more than 3.
Bidet masterrace.
Sorry OP but the crouch wipe is the most efficient.
your asshole is still not surrounded by ass cheeks so you can wipe easy, but you too have access with your hand without reaching underneath yourself into the bowl like a degenerate
it is the best of both worlds.
>>768846320
why? Lean forward and reach back, your ass is fully wipeable that way-
If you wipe like that your assheeks are squished together.
>>768845262
I'm with you, /b/ro. If you sit then you're not only trying to squeeze your hand awkwardly between a hard porcelain seat and your ass (risking a sprained wrist or a bruise) but you're inches away from dipping the toilet paper in nasty poo-poo water.
My method is:
>Collect 3 squares of toilet paper, wrap around 2 fingers. It will wrap in 2 full circles, creating 4x thickness of the paper
>Half-stand (not perfectly straight legs as in picture, but elevate ass 6-8 inches off toilet let)
>Use left hand to spread butt cheeks for maximum penetration
>Use right hand to wipe
>After wiping, inspect paper (if the paper is clean, you're finished. If your poo is red or green, call a doctor. etc)
>If you're not finished, folder paper in half and perform one more quick wipe with the same piece (save paper)
>Toss paper in the toilet, sit down, and go to step 1
>>768846320
And get shit on your balls?
>>768846528
Looks uncomfortable, like doing a mid-squat.
>>768844884
Stand up to wipe, duh. What kind of faggot sits down to wipe for Christ sake?
>>768846452
You flush them? I use a twist top trash can. No clog, no smell, and I save money. But have fun having a machine play with your anus faggot.
>>768846316
>drape my balls and cock over the front of the toilet seat
This dude gets it.
i want a bidet so badly my asshole bleeds every single time i wipe
>>768845382
I, for one, don't stand straight up when I wipe. You act like you're taking a dick so your cheeks stay spread.
>>768846551
>nches away from dipping the toilet paper in nasty poo-poo water.
It's like a foot away in teality.
ALSO FOLD OR CRUMPLE
>>768846768
Did you have an aneurysm?
>>768846528
I can confirm, this is how i wipe my ass, and is best of both worlds
Indian here. I use a jug of water and hands to wipe. Am I welcome to this party bois?
>>768846677
>But have fun having a machine play with your anus faggot.
Too lazy to read the thread which may reflect on the way I wipe - take a hunk of paper and hook it under my balls while I'm still seated.
I've never felt like any other way would be more effective. I have full access to my asshole and any dick that gets on my wrist gets washed away during the customary post-shit hand cleaning that Americans may not be familiar with.
>>768846677
Before I got a bidet I used them, flushed them too. I always flushed them, I don't live in a country with poor toilets, but still, flush too many at once and you might clog. Then I had to get a bucket of water and dump it down the toilet to force with sheer water pressure.
>>768846735
This used to be my problem too, then I bought a bidet, literally godtier wiping.
>>768846595
no it just provides more clearance for my hand to enter the bowl
This
>>768846745
Imagine pooping standing up. This is literally as stupid as stand-wiping amongst the sit wipers.
>>768845382
totally this
>>768846828
No, I wiped my ass.
>>768847106
Totally this
>>768847106
Yep
>>768844884
use to stand but been so injured in my life i now just sit w/e
>>768844884
This thread has every single bait post possible, congratz
>>768846551
>trying to squeeze your hand awkwardly between a hard porcelain seat and your ass
So then lean forward and widen the gap, fuckin fat arse.
>>768847106
holy fuk im ded
>>768846551
>calling a doctor if your shit is green
Maybe if you're a gay cunt. Green shit is just an indicator that you've had a hard night on the goon - which you already know, having experienced it.
>>768846551
>obese detected
>>768845773
I did this my whole life. Never new the rule. Been a front to back for about 5 years now.
>>768846551
Amerilard detected
>>768844884
The correct way is:
>take toilet paper in hand
>stand up
>lean forward
>reach back between thighs
>wipe your butt crack with a forward motion
>repeat as needed
Naturally, this is going to leave some shit residue on the back of your balls, so then you
>drive to nearby golf course
>go to the ball-washer
>insert balls
>wash balls thoroughly
>wipe dry with paper towels or shirt-tails
Can't believe I have to explain this shit to you dumbfucks.
>>768845812
Pics or didn't happen
>>768845773
You never wipe back to front, if you've a cunt.
If you're too retarded to avoid smearing shit on your balls, then maybe a toilet is too advanced for you. Try nappies.
>>768844884
With the left hand. Then wipe hand in designated hand bowl.
T. An Englishman
>>768847693
>howtoprepareyourwifeforislamicrefugees.jpg
>>768847640
Wiping back-front is retarded, because wiping front-back you're literally in cruise control mode, you cant awkward sway around with the paper but stay in butt valley throughout the entire wipe.
>>768844884
Prefer sitting, but I get my left cheek resting against the seat and kind of lean up and to the left. That way my ass is spread and ripe for the whipe.
>>768847795
So potentially shoving shit particles up your crack is preferable to potentially getting them on your gooch which is infinitely more accessible?
>>768845592
Bang! Winner winner! Pasta dinner
>>768846528
This.
But Huang, Johnson, et al. Proved that pi cubed (~31 degrees) is the optimal angle.
>>768846745
>You act like you're taking a dick
OP detected
>>768847375
What the fuck did you just fucking say about me?
I take steamy banana log shits. Andy Sixxxxxxxx is my toilet.
>>768847893
of course, ou just continue wiping the butt valley, what is the problem? You literally know where the shitstream flows. Once no shit on paper you're good to go.
>>768847693
Kek
>>768848071
If you agree that wiping Butt Valley is the only way to achieve Shit Peace in our time, why does it matter if the wipes are organised north to south or south to north?
>>768845318
This
>>768845592
Chocolate frumunda
You get more shit wiped by standing. More release comes out, and thereby wiped away. When you're sitting, you're causing shit you be blocked, and throughout the course of the day that little bit of shit will slowly drain, leaving at best stains that you have to walk around with.
Want a cleaner ass after you shit? Stand and wipe, then finish off with wipes. You'll feel much better and cleaner.
Stander / wipes user for over 2 decades now, will never go back.
I take a shower and wash my ass with soap
Robo is faget.
>>768848180
because going north-south the butt valley ends abruptly and you end in no man's land, expand the shitstream there and it's all over the place. Butt valley goes on longer in the north direction from anus pit.
>>768844884
I found the ultimate time saver with wiping
>wipe first
>shit second
Saves me so much time and TP.
>>768848318
I'd argue that Butt Valley is the same length from whichever direction you approach it, and that the length of the valley is so inconsequential that the direction from which you approach it is irrelevant.
A complete sortie of Butt Valley followed by the reconnaissance of the wiping material takes the same amount of time using the north-south procedure as it does the south-north.
>>768844884
i shit standing so why should i sit down just to wipe.
kidding. everyone wiping standing is a fag. or my wife.
>>768847756
>Englishman
Lost
This thread makes me kek.
We're talking about optimal shitting and cleaning positions, but not one mention of Andy six. Wish that forced meme was dead, however it's nice to not see it spammed.
Don't eurofags have the toilets that ejaculate water into your ass to clean it automatically?
>>768848439
Only problem is south-north you must go around the penis pump and fort balls so you need to use 2 hands to clear the stream whereass south north you only need 1 hand and a gentle tilt of the body forward.
I do both now to be safe
>>768844884
Sit, because if you stand up before you wipe then the poop will get smash between your ass cheeks and make a bigger mess.
>>768848609
Good job bringing it up dickhead.
>>768848609
you ruined it faggot
>>768846528
Isn't that just sitting up?
>>768848615
You still use a ply or 2 to double check or wipe water off ass.
Start at balls wipe backwards towards tailbone. Depending on the shade of the smear I determine if I need to make a second wipe.
>>768844884
Neither. You front wipe.
>>768848668
I feel like our orientation is getting lost - image related is a ground floor toilet-bowl view with how I interpret south to north - south being closer to the anus and north being closer to the balls. Do we agree on this use of geographical positioning?
if you don't do both you're disgusting
>>768848860
In this representation you most certainly want to head south.
>>768848860
Other way in my view. If I am sitting on the shitter, my balls are down, and my crack is up. North is up, in my book
>>768848860
I interpreted south - balls and anus - north, but we can do it your way.
Accurate battle map you drew up anon, you should be a cartograpph.
I usually squat to get the asshole wider for a more efficient swipe
>>768849061
I am, for the Indian Army.
>>768849113
Ho about putting a small bench under your feet while you sit on the toilet?
>>768848752
Interesting so they basically just get their ass filled for fun
>>768844884
>who the fuck is here!!!?
>>768849189
I'm trying this
>>768849209
It's like washing dishes, you let them soak for a while so cleaning is easier and less wasteful, same with ass.
>>768849299
This is actually the optimal pooping position. The tactical squat.
>>768847106
I studied this method and picture with my bachelor thesis
The outcome is that this image is false
The paper you're pulling above your back has shit on the inner side, not outer, so you're rubbing shit over your back and head
"Anuses were a mistake." - God
>>768849402
That's the problem I've always had with the image as well. What would cause the shit-side to suddenly flip around to face perpendicular to the spine? Science cannot answer it, so it must be false.
>>768849402
And this is a problem?
>>768849524
If you don't like being lied to by toilet paper companies, yes.
>>768849500
I believe the image is just a rough representation of the act, just to portray that the anus is indeed shitty.
>>768849611
So shitty that it soaks through to the other side creating an equally shitty outer and inner side of the paper?
I'd be willing to concede that.
I used what I thought was just a normal leaf while camping and let me tell you there's worse things than a little shit stuck in your ass.
>>768849555
But wouldn't the image feel out of place if the paper was clean aka shit facing down? Or we could just argue that the gist of the brown is on the other side and what we see is just the soaked up brown appearing on the opposite side.
>>768849500
bachelor here
in the thesis I've designed a prototype that wouldn't get your back dirty
it requires a loop above, where the toilet paper would go through. Think of a triangle
This way, you'd just be pulling paper like a church bell and it would fold in front of you
alternatively make it even more advanced, have a stationary bicycle, front wheel would roll up toilet paper as you pedal and wipe your arse, the bike seat being the toilet
>>768849787
This is the hypothesis I've decided to accept.
>>768849791
I trust you, but as a fellow academic I think you need to create a crude interpretation in MSPaint so that we can fully appreciate the genius.
Hear hear?
>>768845382
Totally agree!
Reeeeeeeeeeee!
Indians actually have this one right I think. The natural shitting position is a squat. I just took anons advice on the small bench arrangement and I've never layed pipe like it.
>>768845382
you do realize you can go from sitting to standing without doing a pelvic thrust so strong it sends feces shooting out of your asscrack, right?
https://youtu.be/vCmlz6XmG2M
I guess sit-wipers are incapable of standing up without doing the last 5 seconds of vid related.
>>768846528
/thread
Why is squat-wipe not an available option? You don't even have to be a savage chimp to do it. You can get a squatting stool for your toilet and you have a squatting stance to wipe in. That way, your cheeks are more open than sitting.
Where does the poo go? I've followed the plumbing to my basement but I can't find where the poo goes.
>>768849986
Maybe, but I can't read half a Men's Health in a squat; I simply don't have the balance.
>>768849402
>>768849500
he uses a special trick where he squeezes the toilet paper with his buttcheeks so that it twists around dirty side up after passing the anus.
>>768850091
Pretty sure it goes to the International Space Station and is recycled into water and air, so they can keep experimenting and seeing how frogs react to zero gravity.
>>768844884
How is sit wiping even possible?
>>768844884
I only knew about squat wipe lol
>>768849986
This particular position has been spreading rapidly as of late.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YbYWhdLO43Q
>>768844884
Interesting fact:
>People used to have but-sticks or poop-sticks in a not so far past to help wipe the shit off their shithole.
>Each family member had their own stick to wipe their ass with.
>>768850041
my ass is toned anon, i can't afford to risk it.
>>768849986
the natural way for humans to travel is by foot, but once we developed better methods foot travel was relegated to recreation and exercise for all but the people too poor to afford the advancement
>virgin hunched over sit wipe
>chad full mast stand wipe
>ascended crouch wipe
>>768850159
A lot of stuff is possible when you're not morbidly obese
>>768850211
They also used to drink bore water laced with their family's own shit and thought cholera was an insurmountable force so I'm less inclined to listen to take advice from their toiletry habits.
>>768847500
lean forward a little more... ok now shift your weight to your feet...
there you go, you can now wipe your ass while both not having to dunk your hand into the toilet, and not "squishing shit all over your ass"
>sitting
>somehow manage to fit hand under ass and wipe without getting shit on your hand
>it's a fucking miracle, breaking all known laws of physics
seriously how ?
>>768850379
By not being a fat cunt
>>768850262
I field tested all methods and I have come to the conclusion that whilst toilets are a major advancement they still need improvement. The closer to fetal position you can make yourself the easier the slide.
>>768844884
Stand wipe. Sit wipe gets shit all over hands and palms and standing allows better asshole access.
>>768850266
crouch wipe masterrrace
>>768850379
>standing
>somehow manage to go from sitting to standing without shooting shit out of your ass like pic related.
>it's a miracle, breaking all known laws of physics
>>768850438
I weigh 150 lbs
>>768850572
ok, so you're a fat manlet. thanks for the clarification
You might be obese if you have to stand up to not get shit on your hand. Just get a bidet
i do this and pull myself forward with hands
>>768850617
>reaching into the toilet to wipe your ass
Am I the only one that wipes my ass from front?
>>768849404
"God was a mistake." - Anuses
>>768846115
>wiping a wet arse
>with fucking toilet paper
It'll disintegrate you mong
>>768850803
Balls on the forearm men, unite!
>>768850803
Just look how stupid that looks.
>>768850803
No, but we appear to be in the minority.
>>768850702
beautiful. and it helps scratch those itchy worms without messing your hands
>>768850649
ok now after you're done on the bidet do you pat dry your asshole while standing, or sitting?
>>768850913
Double laced TP anon.
>>768850803
Same. Youll get shit on yer back the other way, n howr you supposed to check when youre done? Take tha paper out of the toilet and bring it around to your face? No no, this is the way to go.
>>768850913
see the thing is, if you use a bidet, you can spring for the expensive toilet paper because you barely use any.
>>768846528
best way
If you shit at least once a day,
you waste 1-2 minutes a day wiping your ass.
That is 365-730 minutes a year.
If you live to be 80 years old, assuming you start wiping your own ass at around 4-5 year old.
You waste 27,375-54,750 minutes in your life
just wiping your own ass.
That is between 19-29 days of your life just sitting in the toilet wiping your own ass.
I rather walk with shitty underwear.
And spend my month doing something better like fapping.
Fuck wiping.
>>768845278
Retard, you use the bidet after you've wiped ur ass.
Italian here, country with the most bidets per house (97% houses have at least one)
>>768845278
/thread
>>768851032
if you're fat.
Otherwise I must be breaking records by being able to do this and not wipe shit on myself.
>>768845278
Dumbass you WIPE before using the bidet.
i wipe my ass back to front with tp while squatting forward a bit the do another wipe with wet wipes and wipe my balls also to make sure i didnt push shit onto them
>>768847106
like a fucking machine gun
Literally any arguments against sit-wiping are invalidated by leaning to the side so the seat holds one asscheek aside, you then use one hand to pull your other cheek, and the other hand to wipe.
This is objectively the best way
>>768847693
>between thighs
WROOOOOOOOOOOOOOONG
try touching your ass while sitting in your chair right now. you dont go between the legs. its incorrect.
>>768851134
wrong, you use bidet first so the poop is easier to wipe or ass gets cleaned by itself, then wipe after for the dry finish.
Otherwise you have a wet ass.
>>768844884
only kids stand up to wipe.
Fucking americucks.
>>768851192
I'm going to interpret this as you implying that my opinion is on par to the thoughts of those that inhabit Valhalla or Mount Olympus.
I was always pretty quick to the Mythic Age in AOM.
I don't wipe my butt cause it's a waste of toilet tissue.
>>768845382
I used to stand wipe when I was younger, but then logical reasoning hit me like this and now I sit wipe since I was like 11-12 yo
>>768851392
What do you use your toilet tissue for then? Creating paper cranes to cure radiation poisoning?
>>768848180
Forty Keks
>>768844884
Wash it. Paper just smears the shit around, unless it's wettened.
stand wipe. I am not clenching my cheeks so it doesnt get smeared and i find it awkward to sit while wiping
>>768844884
I used to sit wipe as a kid. I'm too fat for that now tho
>>768851714
Do people seriously think sit-wiping means staying completely still and dunking your hand directly into the bowl?
Am i the only one who leans to the side to wipe?
>>768844884
why would you use paper, just use your hands if you are on designated street, or just let the sea wash you
>>768851779
lean to the front maste race
>>768851331
>micro-tearing your anus and then smearing shit around on it
yea bro you have perfect technique
>>768851714
>i find it awkward to sit while wiping
>I'm a 400lbs American, but I try to keep my chin up.
ftfy
aiight I just had to take a shit so I tried out sit-wiping.
it was ok, but I couldn't use the crab-claw technique I prefer for wiping so I didn't feel like I got the job done adequately.
>>768851861
>micro-tearing your anus
i don't spread that hard jesus christ
>ass-wiping technique
First go like this, spin around. Stop! Double take three times: one, two, three. Then pelvic thrust! Whoooo! Whooooooo! Stop on your right foot, don't forget it! Now it's time to bring it around town. Bring-it-a-round-town. Then you do this, then this, and this, and that, and-this-and-that-and-this-and-that, and then
>>768844884
I have an inconsolable fear of not being able to see where I am wiping and as such, sticking my hand into my own shit. As a result I stand up to wipe. It both A. Gives me a nice long stroke, and B. Allows me to see exactly where I am swiping. I feel this is the method used by those who like to be in control of situations, and domineering in nature.
It gives you more reach-ability, and a better sense of awareness in your swipe.
Basically: Those who sit wipe are bound to be cucks.
>>768844884
I crouch atop the seat like one would standing over a hole in the ground. It is by far the most effective way to wipe.
>>768851977
lean forward while wiping
>>768850565
>crouch
>get worst of shit
>continue wiping
>oh look I'm fully vertical.
>>768852116
>be me
>sitwiper
>take massive dump
>wipe ass
>accidentally shove entire hand up asshole
>start to bleed and vomit uncontrollably
>die in puddle of my own shitstains and vomit
Damn, if only i stood up..
>>768852311
This guy gets it.
>>768852193
I actually only fear becoming elderly because eventually I won't be able to do it anymore, and that will be the moment that I'll know I'm too old.
>>768844884
The buddy wipe.
I always go to the toilet with someone else, and we wipe each other's asses. Standing or sitting is irrelevant.
>>768844884
>What's the correct way to wipe ass?
Sit, Stand Sit, Stand Sit, Stand Sit, Stand Sit, Stand Sit, Stand Sit, Stand Sit, Stand Sit, Stand Sit, Stand Sit, Stand Sit, Stand Sit, Stand Sit, Stand Sit, Stand Sit, Stand Sit, Stand Sit, Stand Sit, Stand Sit, Stand Sit, Stand Sit, Stand Sit, Stand Sit, Stand Sit, Stand Sit, Stand Sit, Stand Sit, Stand Sit, Stand Sit, Stand Sit, Stand Sit, Stand Sit, Stand Sit, Stand Sit, Stand Sit, Stand Sit, Stand Sit, Stand Sit, Stand Sit, Stand Sit, Stand Sit, Stand Sit, Stand Sit, Stand Sit, Stand Sit, Stand Sit, Stand Sit, Stand Sit, Stand Sit, Stand Sit, Stand Sit, Stand Sit, Stand Sit, Stand Sit, Stand Sit, Stand Sit, Stand Sit, Stand Sit, Stand Sit, Stand Sit, Stand Sit, Stand Sit, Stand Sit, Stand Sit, Stand Sit, Stand Sit, Stand Sit, Stand Sit, Stand Sit, Stand Sit, Stand Sit, Stand Sit, Stand Sit, Stand Sit, Stand Sit, Stand Sit, Stand Sit, Stand Sit, Stand Sit, Stand Sit, Stand Sit, Stand Sit, Stand Sit, Stand Sit, Stand Sit, Stand Sit, Stand Sit, Stand Sit, Stand Sit, Stand Sit, Stand Sit, Stand Sit, Stand Sit, Stand Sit, Stand Sit, Stand Sit, Stand Sit, Stand Sit, Stand Sit, Stand Sit, Stand Sit, Stand Sit, Stand Sit, Stand Sit, Stand Sit, Stand Sit, Stand Sit, Stand Sit, Stand Sit, Stand Sit, Stand Sit, Stand Sit, Stand Sit, Stand Sit, Stand Sit, Stand Sit, Stand Sit, Stand Sit, Stand Sit, Stand Sit, Stand Sit, Stand Sit, Stand Sit, Stand Sit, Stand Sit, Stand Sit, Stand Sit, Stand Sit, Stand Sit, Stand Sit, Stand Sit, Stand Sit, Stand Sit, Stand Sit, Stand Sit, Stand Sit, Stand Sit, Stand Sit, Stand Sit, Stand Sit, Stand Sit, Stand Sit, Stand Sit, Stand Sit, Stand Sit, Stand Sit, Stand Sit, Stand Sit, Stand Sit, Stand Sit, Stand Sit, Stand Sit, Stand Sit, Stand Sit, Stand Sit, Stand Sit, Stand Sit, Stand Sit, Stand Sit, Stand Sit, Stand Sit, Stand Sit, Stand Sit, Stand Sit, Stand Sit, Stand Sit, Stand Sit, Stand Sit, Stand Sit, Stand Sit, Stand Sit, Stand Sit, Stand Sit, Stand Sit, Stand Sit, Stand Sit, Stand
>>768852311
>be me, a standwiper
>take massive dump
>flip toilet paper around so it feeds from the bottom
>like god intended
>stand to wipe
>stand so hard my ass turns inside out
>can't stop the standing process
>it's all ogre now
>I knock myself out on the toilet seat as my head passes between my legs and my spine folds over on itself
>doomed to roll up like a world map in the 3rd grade for all eternity
My technique
>take shit
>stand up with legs apart like a crab
>put my head under my legs so i can see my asshole
>wipe accordingly
side wipe
>>768844884
Plebs.
Master Race shower shitter checking in.
Sit or stand to wipe, pathetic.
I have chronic Diarrhea, so shitting, while squatting in the shower is my best option, using the showerhead on the massage setting to clean all the residual waste from my ass.
I haven't bought toilet paper in years.
If I worked this would not be as easy for me.
I am currently a shuttle in.
Try shower shitting, you'll never go back to the toilet.
You must have a tiny ass to be able to stand wipe. You need to spread your cheeks on the toilet seat and wipe.
>>768852716
>be me, an intellectual wiper
>take dump
>go into a buddha-like sitting pose
>levitate
>spread cheeks apart with the power of my mind
>paper flies off the roll and into my ass
>it comes out of my mouth
>the paper goes up and down inside of me
>i've never felt so sanitary in my life
>done wiping, transport the paper to an alternate universe
>float back onto the ground, pants fly up and fasten themselves
>just in time for the new rick and morty episode
>>768845696
Right after? So you take a shit, flush and then throw the used paper in it? M8, sure keep sitting while wipe, but this is ridiculous.
>>768847026
That's called a hemorrhoid, dude. Eat some fiber and it will stop.
>>768845696
So you do not smell like shit. Its obvious
>be me, leanwiper
>take shit
>lean to the side to wipe
>asscheek bursts
>poop deposits empty onto the floor
>ohgodthestench
>call 911
>police arrive and kill me so they can cover up the truth
>poop is stored in the asscheeks
>>768850901
More likely
>>768846032
cuck
I usually shit squatting on top of the toilet tank, so logs fall from seat into the bowl and it is funny. I have a medium sized helper dog that runs back and forth in between my legs to clean.
>>768846551
>squeeze your hand awkwardly between a hard porcelain seat and your ass (risking a sprained wrist or a bruise)
do you sit on the water tank ?
>>768854036
>not training a cat to rimjob you with their tail
how tf do u wipe sitting down? wont ur hand just touch the shit/water?
>>768847693
you get shit on your balls wtf are you talking so condescending you shitball
>>768846735
You have cancer
>>768848255
old faggot with hemroids detected
>>768844884
>glitched prices!!!! nons!
>>768846735
Do you shit very big hard shit every time you take a shit? It tears your anus which is why it bleeds every time you wipe. So the solution is to shit every day so your shits would be small and soft and won't tear your anus.
>>768847106
bent over like that u cant tell when ur done wiping n ur touchin ur own poo..
>>768854456
do your balls touch the water ?
>>768854691
prices aren't glitched, the site buys literal $2 chink-shit watches and then charges 7-8 bucks for shipping and handling so they can advertise $0 prices
Instwatch is the watch equivalent of mall ninja gear.
>>768853462
my asshole is very hairy, that's the problem.
>>768845262
Paraplegics
>>768844884
Squatting is the correct way to take a dump. Pic related. The correct way to wipe your ass is also in this position.
If you have a hairy ass like me, sitting or standing doesn't matter. Gotta go with flushable wipes to get full clean. I can't even with only dry paper. Miss me with that gay shit.
>>768850152
nice headcanon retardet
>>768845382
So much this. The amount of people walking around with dirty asses because they stand wipe is appalling.
>>768855196
bidet, wet wipes can't compare
>>768854456
Are you for real? Sit wipe you filthy animal. How the hell do you go around life with a dirty asshole?
>>768855122
The slavs were right all along!
sit wipe?
i dont want my hand to touch the toilet water
also i spread my ass cheeks in front of the mirror to see it all
>>768855414
or you could sit normally on the toilet and put a small bench under your feet. Behold, tactical squat.
>>768855503
How does your dick not touch the water while sitting on the toilet?
>>768855414
>>768855122
It prevents colon cancer.
>>768845382
I assume your flabby massive cheeks clap together when you stand.
Normies can do both.
>>768855196
i just step into the shower after i have taken a shit.
no need to wipe, maximum clean.
>>768855990
my ass is toned from taking miles of cock, i could choke you to deat with my asscheeks.
>>768844884
i wipe peanutbutter on my ass and let my dog lick it off
>>768849402
>so you're rubbing shit over your back and head
>implying this wasn't the desired outcome
>>768856388
what a waste of perfectly good poop.
>>768845742
Bravo, 10/10, *high five*
>>768848553
My only question is.. how did the last person to use that toilet manage to use it
>>768845382
Who in the fuck stands to wipe their ass?
>>768847693
This is so hot. Do sex-ed teachers really do this? I didn't have a proper sex education because 2nd world country.
>>768856017
You must have a lot of free-time taking an entire shower just for cleaning your ass... or are you french?
>>768844884
Both. You wipe while ur still sitting, get up and then wipe again.
>>768844884
Use the bathtub. Third gender proven.
>>768857357
some anons in this thread
>cracked.com
fucking normie
why is this thread so ANALytical.
>>768857606
nah, i just have a perfectly timed biological clock that allowes me to shit right before my daily shower.
>>768845812
> I think it steams from your parents wiping your ass as a child
Probably do make sense.
>>768844884
In the shower, with your hand.
>>768847830
Yeah I feel like that's the normal way to do this.
>>768844884
i do it inbetween
squat wipe
>>768859335
Hell yeah.
>>768845262
>Who the fuck sit wipes?
>>768845592
I do this most of the way, then I stand halfway up and finish it off with a stand wipe.
Can't stop me from multiclassing I'll switch the game right before it's done.
>>768857575
well, I live in a modern one and we did not have proper sex ed either. let alone STD knowledge. it was just "here is a free condom" lel.
>>768845592
This is how I do it. If you do it right you don't get shit on your gooch. So many people think you get shit on your balls.
Almost 300 replies on how to properly wipe your ass. Must be 4chan.
>>768859938
You shit on your balls.
>>768860414
Never have gotten shit on my balls.
Anyone who puts their hand in he toilet bowl full of shit is fucking scum
>>768861709
Yes you haaaave, I done this position since forever and never even THOUGHT about shit getting on my balls like that.
You seem to bring new ideas to the thread, ideas which had no source but your own mistakes.
Caught brown handed.
