What was the worst sex you've ever had?
The stories and information posted here are artistic works of fiction and falsehood.
Only a fool would take anything posted here as fact.
Only a fool would take anything posted here as fact.
What was the worst sex you've ever had?
>>768670230
With your mom
>>768670230
havent had any
OP's mom
>be me 17
>friends mom calls my phone looking for my friend
>haven’t seen him and hang up
>she calls back and ask if i want to smoke
>i say sure i love weed and get address
>google maps takes me out somewhere in bum fuck north texas
>pull up to single wide
>cracked out jaw jackin grandpa answers door
>leads me back to room with beads for a door
>place smells like heated propane mice shit and cigarettes
>equilibrium gets a little off and i start to get dizzy and sweat
>go thru beads and a cloud of chemical hits me
>she’s standing there holding glass pipe full of meth
>says what’s up youngin and puts pipe down on the dresser
>pulls a can of skoal out and puts a half the can dip into her mouth with a few teeth left
>ask we gonna fuck or not?
>i let out a nervous hah and said uh... sure
>we lay on the twin mattress and i pull flaccid penis out of my athletic shorts
>she said dang we gonna have to do something bout that
>starts tugging on my dick and asks “my sons gotta pretty big ol dick don’t he?”
>fuck if i know, but your hand feels like sandpaper
>”he get it from his daddy... he was a big ol Alabama nigger”
>disgustlipcurl.jpg
>she gets up and goes over to the dresser for what i thought would be a squirt of lotion
>grabs a bottle of Stetson Aftershave and 2 squirts into her hand, dabs her pussy, then palm slaps it a couple times
>mouthagape.jpg
>”alright now we ready..”
>>768671414
>she straddles my limp cock and wedges it between her two fingers likes she’s about to throw a curveball
>finagles it up in there
>never forget the gross warmth
>pleasurabledigust.jpg
>Spits on to the floor and wipes her mouth on the pillow beside
>you like that don’t ya
>I mean I guess
>dick starts getting rock hard surprisingly
>she leans down as I wrap my arms around her and start pounding it into oblivion
>she starts making these noises and saying all these curse words out of context
>fuck shit god damn motherfuck shit bitch
>I blow a huge wad all inside her
>she’s having spasms on top of me
>and breathing really heavy
>get off of me
>she leans over the headboard and spits at trash can 5 feet away hitting it dead on
>wipes her mouth on the pillow case my heads on and says bullseye
>get the fuck off of me
>hops up and flops on the ground in the doggstyle position
>let’s keep going!
>nah I gotta go.
>you alright honey?
>yea I guess but no not really
>start to leave and go back down that fucking hallway
>almost to the door
>grandpa in recliner wearing a Motörhead muscle tank and tighty whities
>asks me in a voice that’s been inhaling cigarettes for a century
>you like my sloppy seconds?
>took me a second to process
>gag reflex kicks in
>can here him laugh All the way to my truck
>start throwing up cheeseburger from lunch
>haven’t ate onions with burger since
>6 months later pee hole starts to itch
>>768670230
non bhahahah
A mans virginity makes him strong
drink too much
make out with flat but flabby chick
pass out her place
wake up
make out more
finger her she cums
shes trying to jerk me
not very good at it
failed orgasm, only a drop comes out
pass out again
didnt even get to fully sex her
stole my socks
>>768671462
I enjoyed reading this
>>768671414
>>768671462
bullseye lmfao
>>768671414
Good ole Cook County Texas!!!
>>768670230
have secx for the first time
>date horrible breast implant chick
>that one chick that failed at suicide three times y'know?
>comes to sex
>straight up lie and said "it's been a long time"
>shes got a smelly snatch, I dont care
>literally stick my dick in her snatch, I feel the warmth, balls tighten up and I nut.
Left her two months later.
>>768671903
no but nice try faggot
>>768670230
>$0.00? why??!!!?????
>>768670230
>Drunk late at a party
>Fat redhead walks in
>She showed interest in me in the past but no reciprocity.
>Decide what the fuck.
>She goes down on me, dick like diamonds.
>She says fuck me.
>Got a good look at that fat, red hairy pussy and stick it in.
>Dick not diamonds anymore.
>Fat bitch starts sucking and diamonds come back.
>Every time dick goes in fat cunt, it steal the diamonds.
>After repeating this like 8 times, she walks out disgusted.
no homo...
>>768670230
With my dad. He was really drunk and I did my best to keep up. Nearly knocked me up. I was barely 13
>>768672484
>fat cunt, it steal the diamonds.
Best
>>768673269
Knocked you up with what? Aids?
I'm sorry to tell you anon but you're already impregnated with de aids.
>>768673269
greentext the story
>>768670230
In a super hot (as in warm) brothel in Sidney.
Don't know if the chick was new or just crap at her job but she couldn't fuck even if her life depended on it.
Like a dead object..
>>768670230
still being a virign an not knowing what sex is supposed to be like
>craigslist
>meet a couple
>she just straight up grabs my dick
>im ok with this
>guy sticks his dick in my mouth
>nope
>ask to leave
pretty much it. they were ugly swingers.
>>768674449
Faggot
>>768674449
>ask to leave
Weak little cuck
>>768674449
Lmao. Expand please... how the fuck did he just "stick his dick in your mouth"
>>768670230
my ex-fiance
>>768670230
Wedding night sex. It wasn't our first time by a long shot, but by god we were gonna fuck on our wedding night. It was like, 4 am, we had been up all day, partied well into the night, finally were alone but super exhausted. She is normally an easy start, but she was tired and not horny, we didn't have lube she wasn't super wet, it was just awful.
>>768671462
holy shit you penetrated my /b/ callous
worst sex is no sex at all
>be nun
>never allowed to use vagina again or else god will kill me
>new priest transferred from another parish
>no details given on other parish and he refuses to talk about it
>invite him over to read the bible
>I bring out the blood of christ after really getting into the new testament
>I talk him into performing communion multiple times under the premise of the more we do it, the more god will like us
>He gets intoxicated and now seems like the time to get him to open up about his past, but then I realize i'm intoxicated too
>Next thing I know he's eight inches deep in my butt crying it, "this is better than a boys!"
>MfW when the new priest from another parish was a pedo
>>768670230
>>768674813
they sat me in a chair and the next thing there's a dirty precum soaked penis in my mouth. took days to get the flavor out.
>>768675213
false
>>768675251
i snorted
>>768675322
I mean... you didn't see it coming? (No pun intended)
>>768675471
well i saw it, but it was just so direct (pun intended)
>>768674449
wtf were you expecting meeting a couple? of course you were gonna get dick in your mouth
>>768670230
With a fat 13 year old girl in a public bathroom when I was 18.
>>768675817
it was a particularly gross dick and i wasn't expecting them to be so ugly
i had a steak knife hidden in my wrist in case anything went down
>>768675251
Gay little New Orleans faggot
>>768675471
> sit down
> suddenly dick in your mouth
>>768675981
Dude...
>>768676064
just being safe. i also left a note on my desk explaining. if i was missing they would find the note
>>768676119
Hahahahahaha. Prepared for everything but a Dick in your mouth.
>>768675991
better than
>sit down
>suddenly dick in your ass
Getting busy.
"Why is my dick covered in blood?"
"How do you not know you're on your period?"
>>768676682
period sex is the best if you dont mind the smell
>>768671462
A+++++++
>>768670230
With your mom.
>>768672484
kek
>>768672430
Because he was behind of it you fucking faggot scamming cocksucker.
Go spam pol u cunt
Oh god I came.
Wow you came quick. I'm going to keep going till I cum.
Uh, no, i'm done
But I'm not and your still wet so if you don't mind?
Uh, no honey, I'M done.
Oh. Ok. Well fuck you too then.
Worst one night stand every. Bitch had the nerve to HMU again the next day. Like umm, what are you doing here? Yeah, you bet your ass it was a mistake showing up.
>>768672902
Samefag post from long ago.
FOR FUCKS SAKE WHEN IS SUMMER OVER
>>768670230
This insanely hot girl at work started flirting with me. She's annoying, not dating material, but I'm dying to fuck her.
Invited her to my place one night. We started making out and things were going well. We end up in my bed, half naked. She mentioned a couple times that she likes a guy who takes charge. Turns out, that was code for her just laying there.
Seriously, she just laid there. I felt like I was fucking a dead body. When she came she made no noise. I wouldn't have known she was cumming if not for feeling her pussy contacting around me.
I thought maybe we didn't click, but the next morning she texted me telling me how incredible the sex was.
Weird as fuck.
>>768672484
Are you me?
>flirting with grill
>both in last year of uni
>have chubby porn fetish, but only dated athletic girls prior
>Think maybe I'll go see if the reality meets the fantasy
It did not.
>chubby porn looks soft, like the girl is a giant tit/ass
>chubby sex feels hard, like the girl is a sausage stuffed into tubing. Her skin feels tight and firm, not soft despite it size
>wtf I did not sign up for this
>normally give girls the chicago deep dick pizza from a few angles that have proven to work in the past
>except this girls thighs are so thicc it's almost impossible to reach the puss with more than half of my dick
>DeepDickDisengage.exe
>Start to lose hardon, this is not what I expected from fucking a fat girl
>it's not soft, it's not easy to get the angles right, and I forgot how fucking heavy they are
>cant flip her over, cant get her on top, she struggles to move around sexily on the bed
So she gave me blowjobs and I pretended to come in her butt and then promptly went to sleep and never jerked off to chubby porn again.
Never meet your heroes.
>>768677086
normie
>>768677086
She might've just been insecure as fuck about how to sound.
Or grew up in a busy house.
Took me years to get out the habit of making no noise.
>>768676985
lol describing most one night stands from a woman's perspective
The one with Uncle B. Uncle A was nice and made it feel good. Uncle B was a fuckig brute.
>>768671462
>pee holes starts to hurt
O fuckkkkkkkkk what did she give you?
>>768670230
with my ex, last week, it was amazing but fucked my mind thou
>>768677170
It wasn't just the noise. I've had quiet girls who were great fucks. She was like a limp rag. Like, if I repositioned her leg, she didn't use her own muscles at all. It was almost like she went into a coma.
>>768677155
lots of fetishes are like that.
all the footfags wanting to smell sweaty feet etc. until they actually get a whiff irl and almost puke.
same thing with piss and poop fetish.
>>768676985
So she was a dude with a vag
With a 18 yo girl but it must have been the worst for her
>work at body shop
>girl gives number to boss to give to me
>getting out of work
>hey anon, gril says heres her number
>text her
>come over anon
>otw.gif
>cant get dick hard
>o fuck this is bad
Juat broke up with girl of 7 years a week ago, i think i was just still to attracted to my ex. I really fucked up she was 8/10 for sure
>>768677322
herpes
>>768677561
wow, a real post.
I... I... had a feeling
Be me.
Go a decade without sex because I got to be mom and dad to 2 kids.
Kids tell me I need a girlfriend.
Go meet woman to watch a movie.
20 minutes in I say "fuck it"
And try to score.
Petting heavy.
Get her pants off. Try to insert penis.
Not very stiff.
It touches her pussy and I cum.
Literally it touched her and went off.
That was worst.
>>768677561
wtf why would she give your boss her number?
>>768677322
This is stale copy pasta
>>768674449
did her boobs feel like sand?
>>768677722
she was to nervous to talk to me.
>>768677970
i didnt touch them
>>768677772
not pasta true story faggot.
>>768678037
Where do you live, if you don't mind my asking? I've just literally never seen that dynamic where they go to a coworker.
However, I also work in a more office-y setting, so it's not like there's any opportunities for that to happen
Like I dunno, I wanna make clear I'm not calling BS, I just thought it was a strange way to exchange numbers
Test
>>768678076
its from 40 year old virgin, i don't think you're 40 but still
>>768675471
Fuckin lost
> meet cute chubby girl
> chat for a few weeks
> lookinggood.jpg
> finally meet her
> lay in bed together, watching tv
> start to pet her arm, then her upper thigh
> lean in for a kiss
> she just went all in
> feels like she's trying to eat me
> go down on her
> damn I love licking pussy
> fondle with her tits while licking and getting my hair pulled out
> she's not shaved, pussy hair everywhere
> have her ride me, but dick turned limp
> still taste that pussy hair
> she grabs my balls and sqeueeze them like some fucking stress balls
> make her stop
> start playing with her nips
> she's enjoying it, I get hard again
> fuck her for a couple of minutes
> about to cum, fuck
> pull out, want to cum on her ass
> cum everywhere in the room but her ass
> leave an hour later
yeah, well.. sex atleast?
Let the chubbiness continue
30th birthday
two pals of mine are interested in a threesome
fuck yeah!
go to my place, get on my bed
they got really, really into each other
they pretty much ignore me
I go off and play video games and think suicidal thoughts
kicked out of my own bed, worst birthday ever
2
3
Was drinking heavily with friends all around and later we were cruising in a car. Yes the driver was sober. Passed out.. Friends had great idea, the called one xtra fat chick that they were bringing some company to her.. Friends carried me in her bed. Woke up later and this landwhale was next to me, she started rubbing my grotch etc and clearly wanted some cock. First i was like WTF, but i was so drunk that i thought fuck it, sum pussy would actually be quite nice right now. She actually gave me sum decently good head, but later when we started to fuck i started to get very sleepy and my dick barely stayed stiff. Some time later pass out again. Morning came, my first thought hit me again like lightning WTF? time to escape without a trace.
>>768670230
>i think, i found a bug! or...?
>>768677155
>the chicago deep dick pizza
kek.
> go visit my homie in fresno
> stay the week
> one night he takes his girl out
> i offer to watch his kids
> nah, my cousin on the way dont trip
> cousin arrives, 4/10 chubby girl
> homie pulls me aside
> "Anon, she wants to fuck you, so you better handle that or your a faggot."
> ask if is a joke, he reiterates aforementioned with extra emphasis on faggotry
> put kids to sleep, drink a little, smoke a little
> time to go to work
> Smelled like b.o.
> bref stank
> tho im not attracted at all, im
diamonds
> turn her into slut
> cum on saggy tits
> go to sleep
> a couple days later, asks fren if we can hook up again
> " A one night stand was all i could stand"
> manhood protected
> bullied into sex
> mfw
> Be me, 19, awkward virgin, watched a lot of porn
> Some girl into me, 3/10 face, 7/10 body
> Somehow alone with her in her place (can't remember how or why)
> Somehow end up cuddling and undressing
> suddenly naked, I go down on her
> She isn't into it, but tries to be a good sport about it
> Porn brain kicks in, ask her to blow me
> she says no. I say Ok, let's 69. She reluctantly agrees.
> I lay down on floor, ready for 69. She gets on top, and accidentally her butthole on my nose.
> At that moment, her pussy blocks my mouth as I was naturally about to inhale.
> Intense accidental shit-sniff. Virgin power lets me ignore and start lickaroo.
> Decide to put her on her back in her bed
> try to shove it in. It won't go in.
> Virgin power thrust, she makes noises in pain. Success, tip is inside.
> Dry as stale bread. Try to move. She's clamping down on my tip hard with dry pussy.
> Give up, pull it out, wank off and cum on her stomach
> she goes to wash off
> comes back and cries for 20 minutes.
> never talk to her again.
>>768677359
Maybe that's her fetish. Just to lay there utterly useless as you fucked he like her sexdoll.
>>768678783
>>768678951
>>768678985
Tl;Dr
Is it worth it?
>be 14
>finally get sex
fuckyeah.jpg
>but it has to be anal
imokaywiththis.jpg
>strip
>make out some
>become diamonds
>lube up
>put it in
>sex
>couple minutes
>cum
>pretend i didn't
>pretend catching breath
>still rock hard
>make out some
>start again
>last a lot longer second time
>absolutely mind blowing second orgasm
>make out some
>share moment of bliss
>pull out
>he immediately shits on my bed
>mfw
>be 9
>Uncle
>>768680900
I thought so at least.
>>768676205
kek'd
>>768676205
Kek
>>768681039
>>768681039
I actually lol'd. That hardly ever happens on here. Very well done, anon.
worst sex was first sex, the chick rode me and I came after like 5 pumps, it sucked because she was hot as fuck, I wish I could look her up now and give her a proper dicking
>fucking a random chick in my car
>thought it would be hot but we can't fit in there.
>Try missionary and her head bangs against the car door.
>Try doggy but cant get the angle
>obviously isnt good for anyone of us
>She finally suggest we stop
>Awkward bye bye
>>768670230
Fucked a dude and gave him some head recently in a 5 person orgy recently. Hated the whole thing and kinda wish I could blink it from my memory.
Not even because of the gay, I’m half a fag myself, it was just awkward, uncoordinated, and just generally a bad time. Only half of us even came and just, ehhhhhhhh.
>>768678783
outstanding. thank you for your service! people like you will save the planet
>hook up with girl I used to date like 10 years ago
>shes fatter then before and has grody teeth
>on two-year dry spell so w/e
>put on condom
>start to fug, she is super loose and I feel almost nothing
>give up after like 3min and she gives me an OK bj while I finger her
>mfw I could easily fit 3 fingers in her
oh well, at least we both came
>>768684152
>recently recently.
My bad I’m out of it today. Got maybe 4 hours of sleep last night
>>768677710
>That was worst.
Your greentexting is even worser
>>768675471
>>768676205
Lel
>Get drunk as fuck with my friends. Among them, a land whale with an irritating laugh
>Hambeast starts conversation about mundane shit i didn't give a fuck about
>Blabla nobody loves me... Blabla i wish I found a good man...
>Her butter covered sausage fingers drop her glass
>She leans down to pick it.
>Two huge tits show themselves
>Instaboner
>Dafuckamithinkingabout.jpg
>Planeteater notices my prominent bulge
>Smiles at me with her 3x7 BigMacs size mouth
>Ohboyidontlikewherethisisgoing.gif
>Bathtub shitter asks "You like what you see, anon?"
>Shitidontknowanymore.mob
>Get dragged by hamanatee to her car.
>Drunk as fuck as I was didn't care much about anything anymore
>Kisses me with the force of 25 thousands seals clapping together
>Gaia reincarnated shows gigantous tits
>Dayumson.avi
>Takes my dick out and starts sucking as if she were an anabolyzed Kirby
>Feelsgoodman.mkv
>Womanffaloo strips and I see the hairiest and smelliest pussy I have ever seen in my entire life
>It smelled like a thousand dead things inside a bigger dead thing
>Gets on my dick and starts hopping like crazy. Her massive body bounced up and down like a slow-mo video of a water balloon crashing
>Yells like a dying deer while fucking
>I keep smelling her fucking crotch ALL THE FUCKING TIME
>Finally cum inside her unprotected horse-mouth-like pussy
>Run for my life as she gets away from my dick
>That smell... That fucking smell... Jesus Christ
> engage in intercourse with former gf in a sunday afternoon
> we go to our bedroom
> she goes under the blanket
> me too
> we undress
> there's some foreplay but it's so predictable and boring
> she suck my dick because that's the only thing that seems to keep her interested
> blanket is warmand soft
> gf fall asleep
> repeat a few times
5 years of worst sex ever. Glad it ended.
>>768681039
Fucking kek’d, nice one
>>768671462
Nice image
german girl
kinda dumpy
best and worst
>best because caught feelings
>worst because bitch one time layed flat on top of me and slid her body up and down mine with my cock inside her and did not feel good at all but at the time I cared too much to look at her and say "what the fuck are you doing?"
I recently had sex with someone and I enjoyed it, but she dumped me.
>I regret the sex because I liked it and her too much
>one of the cruelest jokes you could ever play on someone is to give them superpowers that wear off after a short while without them knowing
>you'd be flying and fall to your death
>you'd lift something heavy and it would instantly crush you
>you'd face death only to find you're not invulnerable
She made me happy, let me get to know her a little, and then ditched me.
>>768681124
lost
>>768670230
She did it like dis
>>768685370
i have two stories and i cant decide which one is worse so here you go
1
>then gf and a friend of mine with his gf go out
>friend suddenly told me that they are talking about a foursome with his gf
>his gf is not my type
>he kinda proposed to speak to my gf and we do it tonight
>i was a little drunk and i wanted to have the experience so why not
>started making my gf drunk and then dropped the bomb
>she said no at first but then she went and danced with the other girl and came back and said yes
>long story short we are at their place
>my gf sucks my dick
>his sucks his dick
>my dick is significantly better than his (longer thicker)
>swap
>saw my gf taking his dick all in and he started face fucking her like those videos you hear this weird glurk glurk glurk sounds
>didnt like it but his gf had nice tits so i said to myself to focus on what im doing
>his gf farted while she was sucking my dick and the whole room started smelling like shit
>started fucking his gf doggy, after a while my dick was rock hard to the point where my gf usually tells me to slow down cause it hurts her
>this bitch was not making a sound, it was like i wasn't even fucking her
>i was jackhammering from behind with her hair on my hand and she had no reactions
>we swap back and she starts fucking with her boyfriend and she was making the sexiest moanings i have ever heard
>serious thoughts about my sex performance over the next few months
2
>met super hot 30something girl at the gym
>we arrange to go watch a movie
>at half of the movie we were already making out
>we go back to her place
>get her leggings off and i see the worst case of pubic hair i have ever seen
>hair were coming out of her panties from the sides all the way to her thighs
>it was fucking disgusting
>i said to myself to focus on her upper body
>started fucking missionary and i was feeling the hair rubbing all over me
>was losing wood rapidly
>dick went bloodless midfuck
>told her im not feeling very well and left
>23yo and horny as hell.
>get a 17yo girl (friend from church) alone in my car.
>she leans over from the passenger's side and whispers in my ear, "kiss me"
>I French her for about a minuet
>she reaches down and grabs my crotch while we kiss.
>I feel instant guilt
>I say, "stop! Just let me jerk off"
>she doesn't stop and put her hand down my pants
>she gave me a hand job till I finished
>I woke up than masturbated
The torture of it not being real makes it the worst sex I've ever had.
Getting lousy hj
She pulls down her nickers
Squats onto the tip of my cock
Climbs off
>we can't do this
Wat?
And that's how I lost my virginity.
Next chick gave me the pleasure of putting a goddamed condom on.
But pushed me off after her 2nd orgasm.
Confused as fuck I hired a pro.
Milked my bluebells and bounced with 20mins left on the clock
>1 hour OR 1 cummy!
So bought another one
Ended up getting drugged and robbed.
Wish I could go back to my wizard quest.
I was doing pretty well at the nofap /controlled fapping part and now I have a mystery fungal infection from the slut who 'didn't want to take my virginity.'
>>768688570
>fungal infection from the slut who 'didn't want to take my virginity.'
Not the one who's a hooker and drugged you and robbed you?
>>768688058
I think you're gay
>>768688757
How could you think, a drugging, robbing hooker would give you an STD?
>>768688906
>Milked my bluebells and bounced with 20mins left on the clock
Even if she didn't have sex with him(i don't know if he did)
She could've did anything while he was out just to spite him or because it turned her on.
Some people are legit sadistic like that.
>>768680371
kek
>meet 7.5/10 gril at a friend's party
>secure her phone number after 15 minutes of socially awkward flirting
>a few days later I call her and we set up a date
>dinner and a walk around downtown
>she asks if I want to go to her place
>fuckyes
>we get there, she opens the door and we work our way to her room
>we started making out
>she took off my pants
>but then I turned on the tv
>and that's about the time she walked away from me
>nobody likes you when your twenty-three
>>768674449
Worst straight sex:
She looked like something between a girl and an unfinshed prototype of an asexuated human. Not only she had her period, her black pubes looked gross on her pale skin, and while doing anal I felt the sharp point of her dried, inside poop on the point of my dick. Luckly, we were both drunk, I could finish.
Worst gay sex:
I managed to get two rendez-vous from craiglist in the same afternoon, cuz the big city was far to get to. So I was already fucked and confused. Turns out the guy who was gonna pick me up and bring me to a shadowy place had lied on his dick pic. He showes me, no lie, this 2 inches dick and even wants to fuck me. I try to suck his joke of a dick as hard as possible to make him cum before, so that the torture would be over. He came buckets in my mouth, but I hate so much tiny dicks that even the cum was making me puke
>>768689553
i kek
Um, probably getting raped when I was eight.
Worst sex that I initiated was with this chubby virgin at an AIDS benefit party. She didn't have AIDS, but she was horrible and lazy in bed. Honestly, people, oral is the only way to have a good time. It either has to happen before, during, or after but sex is boring without it.
>>768689553
kek you got me
>>768690545
:o
*slow clap*
Hand fell asleep
>>768690565
False, oral is like a birthday candle. It's nice to look at, but if it's missing you still have a fucking cake. I'm sorry being raped as a child made you sexually retarded.
>>768670626
Grow up summer faggot
>>768670230
had sex with a freind of mine at 11, his dick was waaaay to big and we had no clue what we were doing so it hurt like hell
>>768676328
>>768676793
How does it smell like? Blood or death?
>>768691098
wtf are you talking about. head is 20000x time better you fucking mong
Pretty much any time they wanted me to eat them out, shit is gross. Tastes like copper and sweat, and it makes me gag.
>>768691584
it depends, i do feel you on the copper but just chew on some gum b4 hand. you'll be fine
>>768690424
>hate so much tiny dicks
I love tiny dicks, they're so cute.
having no sex at all
>>768690565
>getting raped when I was eight.
You can't not greentext.
It's therapeutic.
>>768691635
typically smoking pot helps a lot, i'll try your gum suggestion tho bro
>>768688757
Nah I had it before the hookers, since the slut.
Wore a condom before they even touched it wit their hand. But yes that was a disaster of a choice for health "wash your penis with lots of soap"
Like what the duck do you think soap is going to do besides give you rime to rummage through my shit.
Took a min to kick in but I was awake enough she was just screaming at me for hours in Spanish for catching her.
Last of my money on vacation, had to borrow and be a cheap bastard
>>768680900
Yeah it's worth it
If the guy telling the story is real I'd want him to be my best friend
>>768670230
with my left hand
so uncoordinated
>meet chick on social media
>don't find her super attractive but she was super into me
>she wanted to screw without me putting in any effort
>invite her over anyway
>start making out
>pull off pants
>couldn't get hard
>start eating her out instead
>she wants to be choked with no marks being left
>basically crushing her windpipe as I eat her out
>she asks to go on top
>she grabs dick but doesn't get hard and she makes no attempt
>starts grinding on my leg
>I go to put on music
>came back and we both weren't interested anymore so she put on her clothes and left
Still cringe every time I think of that day
>>768677005
Summer has started 10 years ago... It's still going on
>>768677155
Haven't laughed this hard from /b/ in a while. Thanks /b/ro
>>768676682
>>768676793
What smell? I fucked my gf plenty of times when she was on her period and never had a smell. Even when I pulled out and my dick looked like it was sitting next to JFK on November 22, 1963. Never once did I get a bad smell.
>Hottest girl from school added me on Facebook. I lurk her profile but she doesn't post much.
>Haven't seen her for a decade
>She asks me on a date via messenger.
>Turns out she's fat now
>No, fatter than that.
>Yeah, she's that fat.
>She also has a bad haircut and shit clothes.
>She seems mentally unstable so I try to break the date off early. She doesn't get the hint.
>Fuck.
>She gets drunk and starts crying. Literally balling her eyes out about how shitty her life is.
>She was bulimic and her fiance left her, then she got hooked on drugs then got fat.
>I try to make an excuse to leave. She cries even harder saying that she always had a crush on me and that she's fucked it up by crying on our date.
>She asks me to walk her home and invites me in.
>She makes a move on me. I back away but she looks like she is going to cry again.
>I decided to take the easy option and just fuck her.
>We get into the bedroom and she tries to do a sexy striptease, but trips on her jeans and falls over.
>Zero coordination.
>I go down on her. She has a really hairy cunt.
>Her pussy tastes weird. Not bad, but weird.
>Horrible tattoo next to her cunt.
>She gives me an awful blowjob and cuts my dick on her tooth.
>We start to fuck and she makes noises that I've never heard a human make.
>I pounded her really hard and she says that she's going to cum.
>She squirts all over the bed, and shits herself at the same time.
>She doesn't notice at first, but I stop fucking and just stare at her like wtf.
>Then she noticed my reaction and she starts to sniff up.
>A sudden look of panic comes over her face. Like this has happened before, and it's her worst nightmare.
>She slowly feels her shitty asshole
>She starts crying and runs into her bathroom.
>Five minutes later she comes back into the room and she's surprised that I'm dressed. She expected to keep fucking after that.
>She starts to desperately try to take my pants back off, while I tell her "look, it's not going to happen"
>Some redhead chick I met on tinder
>Both at uni now, same campus turns out
>Also turns out we were in the same college and I was a couple years above her
>We have tons to talk about, exchange loads of stories
>Getting on great, awesome chemistry, both really attracted to each other
>Actually being really charming for once, she's super in to me and it shows
>We decide to go around town getting drinks, both having a great time
>Eventually she asks me to come back to hers and fuck her half to death
>Literally that's how she said it, sexiest thing anyone has ever said to me
>But wait, something's wrong? I should be hard after she said that?
>Oh god shit no we went to a wine bar
>We've been drinking wine
>I CAN NEVER GET HARD ON WINE
>Flopsweat.tiff
>We get back to hers and she seems to be hiding me from some guy in her kitchen
>Turns out later on that was one of her housemates who she was kind of going out with
>Anyway, we get up to her room, hanging out letting tension build, she shows me her hamster, kind of drunk I find this entertaining we play with it for a bit, put it back
>She goes in to bathroom, says she'll be back very naked
>Foreplay commences
>Yes, whiskey dick in full effect, she simply can nae do it captain.
>She takes it really well, and then has an idea
>Offers me a bump of some coke she had lying around and jerks me off using her feet
>Works like a charm, all systems nominal, mainsail unfurled and all hands braced.
>Her boyfriend listens to me dick her all night
>I find out the next day I found out he was her boyfriend and she does this on purpose to be cruel to him
>Find out that he'd developed a serious opiate addiction from using oxy to sedate himself to sleep when this stuff happens
>Feel awful
>Get to know him, become friends
>He's a cool guy, civil engineering student, big in to wood carving and used to do motocross
>He leaves her
>We basically become best buds, bromance blossoms
Cont?
>>768673281
TOP KEK OF THE DAY
>>768694663
>Cont?
Only if buttsex commences
Nah, for real, why not?
>>768685370
so many kek's
>>768670230
>Fuck girl from behind
>See turd clinging to her asshole
I've never been able to doggy a girl since
>>768688772
Hush fag you’ve never been in those situations so you’re jealous, not that guy btw
>>768677561
been there bud, right out of a relationship you're either constantly hard or can't get it up.
>be 20, junior year abroad
>in Spain, age of consent 13
>at bar drunk
>desperate for some pussy
>14-looking girl coming on to me
>5/10 on account of child's body
>start kissing in bar
>she has a hard skinny tongue flailing in my mouth
>get very hard
>want to fuck
>take a walk
>find school grounds
>find a bush next to cement patio
>missionary position
>try to stick dick in
>pussy does not open
>must be a vrigin
>got tip of my tip in and start to cum immediately
>cum on her stomach
>she says I was good
>brush dirt off and walk away
>never see her again
>>768694253
I kek'd but at the same time I feel bad for the whale. Ripperonii
>>768671414
>>768671462
Stale pasta is stale.
>Be me
>January
>Old time friend hits me up after getting out of a 2 year relationship
>"come over anon, we can just watch movies"
>go over to her place
>we watch Dexter
>about 2 hours later she gets completely naked
>has a 6/10 face and -2/10 body
>stomach flap covering her cunt
>"let me suck your cock anon"
>im high as fuck
>she pulls down pants
>iguessimokaywiththis.png
>starts sucking my cock like a hungry Ethiopian kid
>doing the twisty shit with her hands
>deep throating my cock
>holysmokesbatman.gif
>She gets on top
>bitch picks up her fat stomach roll to see the direction of landing
>puts it in
>shes riding me hard
>stomach flap is smacking the fuck out of my stomach
>cums three times
>"your turn to cum anon"
>i get on top
>start fucking her
>didn't smell her pussy up until this point
>smells like rotten shit and cat piss
>dealt with the smell and started fucking her
>"anon im squirting!"
>no squirt in sight
>see puddle on bed
>she picks up fat roll to play with herself
>sees giant splash of squirt juice on her stomach
>became instantly soft
>told her i had to shit
>left
>haven't seen or talked to her since
>>768670230
with myfat stinking ugly ass cunt of an ex it was litterly less pleasureable than my left hand i couldnt even cum
>>768696832
Why date her then
>>768696668
fake but oh boi that wasa good read
>>768696300
I felt really bad for her. It happened two years ago and when I saw her recently she looked much better. She's lost loads of weight and she doesn't seem to be pilled out of her mind anymore.
>>768680371
kek
>>768696477
eat a dick faggot . it's a true story nigger. you hadn't better fuckin believe me
the one where my boyfriend jammed his fingers into my urethra
>>768697288
Ouch.
>>768671414
>>768671462
hahahahahhahahah holy shit
>>768697216
That's good at least she fixed herself up. Would've been sad asf of she was still a whale
>>768688058
eh in #1 she probably just felt awkward for enjoying it whilst her bf was there
>>768697275
Believe it!
>meet chick on cheap online chat site
>get number and agree to meet up at her place that night
>this is easy... too easy
>meeting time is nigh
>pick up cheap gin for date to better chances of lay
>meet chick at pretty nice apartment complex
>enter her apt sit and talk
>chick makes convo by showing me pictures of other guys from chat who hit on her jokingly
uh... i dont care about this
>half way thru gin bottle have to pee
>lift commode seat and see used toilet paper sailing the toilet ocean
(Not sure if period blood or #2)
>finish, flush, wash soul and try to excuse that sight i was just forced to witness
>night progresses and im invited back to the bedroom
>place gin on her nightstand in dark bedroom
>something brown and dime sized scuddles away
>no NO...NO NO no no no NOOOOO!!.gif
>bitch got roaches
surprised because the apartments are newer and her place was relatively clean
>oh well figure ive got a 45% to 60% chance of catching an STD if i do anything with this slum lizard
>receive oral with condom
>dick is now tungsten
>realizes shes a lazy one when she just stops after 2 minutes flops on her stomach and says...
"Ok im ready... come fuck me"
>suddenly brain has had enough with this night as has dick
>whiskeydick.exe
>rush of thoughts from roach, toilet boat, and her horrible convo earlier
>suddenly i just go from rockhard to limp
>she keeps trying to suck it back hard
>realize i just suddenly lost all desire for her holes
>gets pissed
Gtfo anon, just get out.
>my pleasure meg
Later we got in an argument on that chat after she tried to accuse me of having ED and I had to explain in immense detail why my dick just suddenly stopped working
She stopped logging on shortly after that
>>768671414
>>768671462
Oh god
>>768670230
>have argument with gf
>say "let's not worry about it" as we'd planned on having sex that night, hadn't been together for a while
>both of us are annoyed
>she complains the whole time/doesn't like anything I'm doing sexually
>not very constructive criticisms
>get frustrated, dick goes limp
>"what's wrong, anon?"
>(i hate you, this is horrible, and you're not helping)
>"nothing, i'm tired"
>stop the sex
>just talk
>feel like less of man
>> be me on tinder find a 4/10 single mum
>> turns out friends in common
>> mate says her kids are his mates and shes nuts
>> dont care gunna smash
>> turn up there watch a movie and she says 'we wont have sex '
>> 5 minutes later my cocks jammed down her throat
>> go to room start fucking and she stpps me grabs a big black box from under bed and all im thinking is ' im not getting pegged '
>> turns out its a fucking horse whip like they use when they race
>> says she likes it so i go to town with it
>> 10 minutes after i start whipping her 4 year old daughter walks in i freeze and her daughter says 'be quiet am sleeping'
>> get back to smashing cant cum got coke dick
>> leave get in car and smell something like road kill i have a grey tall tee on look down
>> FUCKING BLOOD EVERY WHERE
>> instantly message her saying wtf
>> says she has cysts in her pussy that can bust from sex
I throw shirt back on her doorstep run back to car and peel out
Yeah blocked her number and me and my mates just lose it
I had sex with this girl a couple years ago. She was mostly a lesbian, but because her friend/partner wasn't around (I never did find out what their relationship really was) she decided she wanted some dick.
I don't know the last time she had been with a guy, but she clearly didn't know what to do with a dick. It was the worst blowjob/handjob I had ever received. By far. She couldn't stop her teeth from rubbing against my dick. I tried to push her towards sex, but she said she was on her period, but eventually we got to fucking anyway. She just laid there. When I wasn't getting close, because her vag was dry and she wasn't turning me on anymore, she got real offended. She was going on and on about how I didn't think she was sexy and all this other shit. Then we went to the shower and I tried to jerk off on her, but it just wasn't happening. We went to bed, and then she was on Skype with her partner before I was even awake.
Fuck you, Emma. You're still a self-centered spoiled bitch.
>>768676205
10/10
>>768676985
HMU?
>>768670230
not rly worst, well, u b the judge
>b me 21
>dated this super cool chick, skinny, belly dancer and amazing ass, long distance relationship
>she supposed to come the next day, and I go and buy 3g of mdma for a party we were supposed to attend, but the night goes rogue and I end up taking all of it the night before she arrived
>we were sexting alot, haven't seen eachother in one month so we were bith super horny
>she arrives, I take her home, still fucked up n shit
>take off her clothes, but my dick doesn't work
>So I thought I'll just try to jerk it while I play with her
I was doing that for 4 hours, she was biting, scratching, screaming, but my fucking cock was broken, and my brain really wanted to fuck. she climbed onto me, stroking her vagina over my meat, and it still didn't get erected. I had to let her finnish that way. one of the most shameful experiences ever
>>768688058
#2 happened exactly the same to me (except for the very hot gym girl part).
Too much Pubic hair (like, EVERYWHERE OVER HER CROTCH) made me loose my wood. Shits's disgustning.
>>768677155
I dont relate with this
>be me, 2x something art student
>be into big asses
>want to gigantic ass AND gigantic tits
>thick girl next door of school shows interest
>she's got the aforementioned prerequisites
>kawaii face to boot
>I actually like her, and she's hard to get
>I need that
>proceed to drink vodka with her go to her place
>I went in total sex craze when I was ravaging her pussy from behind
>I loved it and she was super chill as well
Didnt get into a relationship or did it more with her because I wasn't feeling anything else other than the single life at that time
>Go to club, drinking , dont score, gets real late, get desperate.
>Pick up fattish blonde take home with housemates.
>Shes more pissed than me.
>Take her to my room. Start kissing and she says shes not feeling great so go to kitchen and get glass of water.
>Return to room and she takes a sip and then starts kissing again feeling better.
>Start making out.
>Shes sucky sucky, then moves to doggie position and waves ass in air.
>Push semiflaccid beer drunk dick into pussy.
>Pussy dry as a desert, spit like hell for lube.
>Im in and getting harder but then no sensation
>She's wider than grand canyon. Been taking some mega meat and is loosey goosey.
>I'm not turned on by loose pussy but keep pumping for ages.
>Its hot, no air conditioning, we're sweating like hell.
>She says am I going to cum, I say Im getting close.
>Shes says I know Im a bit loose so you can fuck my butt if you want.
>I say hell yeah. Spit up my cock and work for ages but finally I'm balls deep in her ass.
>Fuck her for ages and blow a huge load deep inside her.
>We clean up, she dresses and leaves to walk back for a taxi.
>I go to sleep and wake up after lunch.
>Smell something funny in room but soon forget about it.
>After a couple of days, smell gets worse.
>Follow smell to side of bed and lift bedside drawer.
>Underneath squashed under it and drenched into the carpet and down the side of my bed is the biggest load of vomit I have ever seen.
>Actually saw kebab and lettuce in it.
>>768702592
top fucking kek
