Sad story / Feels / Depression thread
I'll be your therapist.
What's bothering you anon?
>>768605922
smoked a lot of weed and drank just bc i was bored, turned out i was not as incompetent as i thought i was. one by one i lost all my opportunists
im still looking but it feels like im dry milking everything, its all dry and i kinda want to die
I just bought the CRYENGINE bundle from humble bundle and can't get anything to work in the sandbox editor.
>>768605922
Childhood trauma. Shared too much in an incest thread a few hours ago. Never went into that much depth before.
Now I feel like shit. Shouldn't have gone there. Can't believe how badly I feel right now. Can't even describe it.
Just no.
>>768606860
What do you mean by dry milking everything?
>>768607106
thinking about buying it, worth it?
>>768607106
FeelsBadMan
>>768607122
Do you have a therapist you can speak to? Or anyone? Childhood traumas suck but you have to get it sorted out somehow
Studies. My parents have spent huge money for college and stuff. I'm very bad at math and thinking I'll fail this semester. All their money will go waste if i couldn't make a good person out of myself. Just having the thought is making me cry. I'm at very bad stage of depression now.
>>768607302
My life in a nutshell
>>768607431
which math
>>768607262
i kinda lost 2 of my best opportunities
and everything is is either a bit too high or nothing
ordering alot of benzo, just so one night i might actually do it. took a while to realize that it was my only shot to smoothly get ahead in life (had a major shitty childhood)
im not really depressed/sad, more pissed of that i cant fucking get anything to work anymore
>>768607431
Then do something you're good at, or want to actually do? the fuck dude.
>>768607431
feel ya, wish i had more time during growing up to really figure out what i wanted to do.
just the pressure itself is probably fucking up your ability to see what would make a good study.
i hate how i look, i'm losing weight, which will help a bit, but i think i'm trans, and with all the haters everywhere i know i cant do anything about that.
generally, sucks to be me!
>>768607376
/b/ has been my therapy.
I think I've picked the scab too much though now.
Will get help. Coz I can't see me lasting if I don't.
Thanks for the opportunity to explain anon. You're a good person
>>768605922
There are no more barriers to cross. All I have in common with the uncontrollable and the insane, the vicious and the evil, all the mayhem I have caused and my utter indifference toward it I have now surpassed. My pain is constant and sharp, and I do not hope for a better world for anyone. In fact, I want my pain to be inflicted on others. I want no one to escape. But even after admitting this, there is no catharsis; my punishment continues to elude me, and I gain no deeper knowledge of myself. No new knowledge can be extracted from my telling. This confession has meant nothing.
>>768607858
what made you realize you was trans?
>>768605922
i wish i had the abillity to TRULY let go of things that i was able to do a few years ago. fuck that was gold
>>768608041
always hated my body, always had an urge to crossdress, as far as i can remember. i feel better when i crossdress, when i cant, i feel worse and worse. the longer i try not to, the worse i feel
>>768607880
I'm glad that i could help you at least for a little bit but yeah good luck anon <3
>>768608139
We are in the same boat anon. It fucking sucks
>>768605922
Tried to kms, scarred gf for life because she had to stop me. Got out of mental hospital after 4 days ready to fix myself. How do I get her back?
>>768608222
trips. I know how you're feeling i just didn't have the balls to make the transition yet. I feel like a part of me is dying but im too scared to crossdress. Thus makes me depressed
>>768608449
crossdressing doesnt hurt anyone, if you can keep it private, nobody needs to know!
>>768608409
Tried to kill myself too anon. You can't fix it. As bad as it sounds. She will never see you as the old you again nor does your family. I don't know how you can get her back. If she can't handle depression or suicide she will probably never take you back. Im sorry anon i wish you the best of luck <3.
>>768608619
Still going to highschool can't afford much to crossdress and i'm living with my parents. My dad is against that type of shit and he would beat the living shit out of me so im stuck till i can afford my own apartment which takes a years till i have the money :(
>>768608829
get yourself to a supermarket, buy undies, small, easy to conceal, having a few pairs got me though a lot! supermarket that sell clothes, nobody gives a shit what you buy, so it doesnt matter at all
>>768605922
I am a incel.
>>768608348
what are some things you cant let go of?
get it off your chest
>>768609051
Thank's for your advice anon. I will try to buy some undies but i'm really uncomfy and have low self esteem. Do you have any tips?
>>768608829
i guess, get some friends that do the same?
probs alot of communites for that, will probably boost you pretty good. i mean you cant really waste life, its really just spent so do it without thinking how its going to end
>be me
>be neet
>be today
>sign up for neetbux
>tomorrow is hearing
>get call from attorney
>grills me like the witness psychiatrist will grill me
>call ends
>im laying in bed crying
>i cant go through this
gonna call my attorney after hours and leave a message telling her i cant go through with the hearing and that im sorry i wasted her time.
>>768609293
How i didn't take opportunities
Can't let go of a girl that i really like even tho she hurt's me
This kind of stuff just lots and lots of emotional bullshit
i hate myself, i hate my body, i hate everything about my existence.
I want to kill myself but i'm so pathetic i can't go through with it.
My family is applauding me for losing weight truth is i barely eat anymore because i hate my body.
and i know i'll never satisfy a woman because i have a small penis. So it's pointless for me to even try to get a relationship.
i lost my will to live and am unable to feel joy without being on drugs
>>768607316
Did you read what I posted? Maybe of you have experience with this sort of stuff. I can't get anything to work. I can't find any textures, or the sample SDK stuff. Like I can't even make a spawn point.
>>768609774
Which drugs have you taken anon / which ones are you still taking. When did you start any why? What keeps you alive?
>>768609546
>Feels
Fuck anon :(
>>768609954
Can you not
>>768609983
someone will find this usefull
>>768609380
don't buy thongs first, buy something with nice feeling material, and work out sizing before you go, measure your hips, that's where sizes are based on
hi guys, my name is "a pathetic loser that shouldve commited suicide long time ago" nice to meet you guys, how is it going
>>768609954
>Fast
>have to wait for all the items arrive from fucks knows where probably some warehouse in taiwan
>fast
no thanks ill rather bite my tongue off and choke on my own blood
>>768609954
I didn't even know this method existed, i might consider this.
>>768609631
ive always felt it has been easier to let go of emotionall problems, im a bit trained to be cold bc of bad parents.
opportunities though really hurts, bc it gets in the way of life, and it really stacks worse with emotinall shit right above it.
i mean, i want to go to work and atleast have the luxary to distract myself until i forget about my ex's
>>768607122
Same anon.
>>768609774
Same dude but I can't even take drugs anymore because I really scarred my mom when I got too high and had to go to hospital. I don't feel alive without them. All my emotions are dull and disconnected.
>>768607431
Listen to Les Brown. Shut the fuck up and soak it all up. You can either work to become something you want to become or let yourself go... Into eternal regret. up to yoo anon
Hey anon's OP here im gonna get some rest now. See you beautiful bastards in another life
Every time I roll I don’t get dubs :(
Been feeling very lonely ever since school finished and I started college. All my past friends who I used to see everyday have all moved on to do their own thing (I'm happy their doing that) but I hardly see them. It's really been bothering me that we all don't talk a lot. I miss the old days man.
>>768609774
can relate, mdma is my fukin heroin. lucky its not addictive bc i stopped right after it felt like getting fried.
Your all pathetic faggots that think your all sad. stop jerking off to loli's and go outside you fucking NEETS
>>768609774
I can't feel joy while on drugs. Get on my level, bitch.
>>768605922
I'm a adult child of alcoholic (google it)
I've got HPV
I'm in a new country where I don't speak the same language.
Fucking Lonely
Thinking about kms
>>768610403
This is why I turn to /b/.
Sucks to know you suffered too but I get some comfort knowing others out there
>>768605922
wow look at this faggatron pouring water from a vodka bottle to a plastic bottle
>fucking kys
>all of you
>KYS YOURSELVES
>>768609954
Just stick a pressure regulator on that bitch, much easier to control the flow than by adjusting the valve. You're going to die anyway, no need to jew out on that additional $20 now.
>>768610956
Hahaha edgy bro xd hahaa wowzie
i was never depressed alpha male xdd a!!!!"!"
<lurker
Mom recently diagnosed with a rare form of aggressive ovarian cancer, but i still don't feel any more depressed than i usually do. my friends are trying to console me but i don't need it i feel nothing still they seem to care more than i do.
>>768611045
damn right im a alpha male, i take xannax and play fornite and get stoned everyday and party with my friends on weekends and fuck bitches
>>768607998
I fucking love that movie
>>768609954
Thank you.
Not sure if I'm a violent person or if I have intrusive thoughts about hurting people and myself due to OCD. Probably the latter, but it's extremely unsettling regardless. My dad died several months ago and I keep hearing my mother screaming when she discovered his body. I keep imagining his corpse lying even though I never saw him. Extremely afraid of death and my dad's passing just made it worse. I just feel like I'm a terrible, unproductive person.
Thanks for listening. I think my quality of life is slowly improving. I just have to stop fooling around.
Get ready to cry mofos
https://imgur.com/gallery/jNOru
Ella's story
>>768610956
>im emotionally comprimised so i go on anime imageboard and assert my manliness by telling people to kill themselves
>>768605922
>What's bothering you anon?
Niggers.
>>768609546
In the appeal process right now and terrified it'll end up like this too.
>>768605922
Girlfriend of a year and a half just left me, computer and xbox both stopped working within a week of each other, I'm getting shit grades, most of my friends don't talk to me anymore, and finally my roof started leaking today. Yay.
>>768607431
College isnt for everyone, i say your parents are stupid for making you go to college. Find something you like doing and find a way to make money doing it.
>>768607122
Im really interested in your incest stories anon, provide greetntext please.
>>768607431
Do you think you can transfer to a school will less/no costs for your family? Also, have you tried receiving help for math? I too think pressure is keeping you down. :/
Had to fire a coworker
I'm homeless, friendless, and living off SSI. I am really confused about life and don't know how to live it, so I spend my time on /b/.
>>768614778
Hope things pick up for you mate
>>768605922
My girlfriend broke up with me because she is on the verge of suicide and mental breakdown at all times and refuses to have me "deal" with it and help her and idk what to do
>>768616124
Has she been diagnosed with anything? If it's run of the mill depression or bipolar then it can be successfully treated.
If she's got BPD then I'd say get the fuck out. She will take you down with her.
My mother killed herself because of my actions, which led to me being homeless, bouncing from couch to couch since Nov of 2016, my girlfriend was murdered by her ex the following April. I got bad into drugs and lost 99% of my friends. I've been clean from all hard drugs since July. Now I'm down to my last friend, sleeping on his couch trying to get everything together because I know I'm becoming a burden and I have nowhere else to turn. But I can't stop smoking weed. The one thing truly holding me back I keep clinging to because I tell myself it helps me, but in actuality it's just holding me back and keeping me in a terrible spot in life. I'm 27 and I feel like I have fucked my life up and I'll never be able to have a happy normal life with a house and a family and god damn dental insurance.
>>768605922
I took a specific instance of fear and generalized it so i could feel its presence in unrelated events
>>768616438
She has PTSD and Depression to my knowledge but possibly other things I really do love her but she is so painful to help
>>768605922
https://youtu.be/pl3ByuKlVUA
I've been trying to get over my ex for months now.
Just when it looked like I was over her, and finally overcoming my dependency problems I learned just how much she had already moved on.
Something about it completely destroyed me. I realized just how much I was still in love with her, and it sucks. I just want to remove her from my life, as much as it hurts. She used to be my best friend, and now it looks like she's left me behind for good and all.
>>768617530
In that case I say stick by her. I'm assuming she's not always been this down so she has to have good times too.
Just make sure you take care of yourself and don't get overwhelmed.
I fucked up anons, I started college in January to finish my first year in June. Studying towards a HNC in Computing (britfag) and it was going well, really well, but the last 2/3 weeks I've been really anxious, like unable to leave the house because of it, and because of that I missed around 2 and a half weeks of college which works out around 2 months worth of lessons, I have my exams coming up in 3 weeks and I'm so far behind the work now I don't know if I'll catch up. Honestly even typing this I'm shaking like a junkie waiting for a fix I can't sleep and I don't know what to do, I feel like I'm spiralling and I know if I fail this year I wont be able to get into another course.
I don't need advice or anything I just had to get it off my chest.
thanks for listening /b/ros
>>768605922
I have a CT scan tomorrow. I’ve had gastrointestinal issues since December. My doctor thinks at this point it’s likely just IBS because I had an ultrasound that was clean, and all my blood/urine/stool tests were normal. I don’t expect they’ll find anything abnormal on the scan, but I’m still kind of freaking out.
What if they do find something? What if its cancer? What if I’m dying? I know, logically, that it’s almost certainly not, but I’m still having kind of a mini panic attack.
tried to kill myself and failed a few weeks ago. have been recently diagnosed w PTSD and BPD. have hated myself even more ever since
My cat died overnight two nights ago. I just had him cremated today. I miss him so much already. He was the best cat.
Tried to kill myself last year. Helium method as above. Family history of mental illnesses, particularly cyclothymia and bipolar disorders. Never been diagnosed myself but I guess shit just stacked up. Severe anxiety, feeling of uselessness, hopelessness, tiredness etc all came to a head and I didn't have a coping strategy. Got everything I needed and waited till it all arrived. GF found out by chance because she was late for work that day and signed for the mail.
I spent the scariest week of my life in psych ward among some of the biggest variety of cases from anger to suicidal and some very unwell people indeed. I pulled through and I still am recovering actually. I thought I had nothing and nobody so I guess that's a reason why I did it. But I had such a lot of people helping me and getting me through it, I didn't even know they were there and frankly it took almost losing my life to find that out. TL,DR... Don't do it. You have so much to live for, and even if the recovery is hard (CBT didn't work and I'm about to try antidepressants tomorrow...ANXIOUS!!) you'll have a whole new life in front of you.
>>768605922
Im fucking stuck and with no ambition to find something to work up for. I feel like there's nothing left I can do for myself. I hope I get seriously hurt to where I cant work and live off the state, and sue the shit out of whoever/wherever I got hurt from. I wasted so much time trying, and losing every bit of progress I made.
I dont know what I can do. I dont even know what I want anymore.
I started college in August of last year, but had to take a medical withdraw due to a failed suicide attempt that led to hospitalization. I was in a psychiaitric facility for 2-3 weeks, where I was diagnosed with PTSD.
Backstory is my ex had cheated on me after 6 years, and I later learned that it had been happening repeatedly throughout our relationship and I had no idea. I lost every bit of motivation and began to hate people. Like genuine hatred and disgust. I still haven’t recovered.
And I still haven’t gone back to school, not yet at least.
I don’t know what I want to do with my life anymore.
I was a cruel kid, think something along the lines of Damien from The Omen. Never had any friends , didn't want any, wasn't the biggest fan of people. When I was 5 I made my first friend, we'll call him A for anonymity sake. A was the complete opposite of me where all I wanted to do was hurt people, all he wanted to do was help them, I still to this day have no idea what he saw in me. I wasn't sure of him at first, I didn't see how we could get along, with us being so different from one another. After a while we were inseparable, I can honestly say I spent every day for 4 years with that boy, we learned to skate together, and fought together and just had a laugh with each other. He introduced me my second friend we'll call him B and pretty soon we were like our own little gang, the 3 of us would do stupid shit together, jump on trains to other cities for the day and be back before night time without our parents ever knowing where we were. We were family, as I said inseparable for 4 years. I needed to be kept grounded more often than not and those two kept me in check, call it the Autism or whatever but I didn't know when I was going too far. They made sure I didn't. I still have the scar on my head from where A hit me with his skateboard because I was fighting with another kid and just laying out on him without stopping, I probably would've killed the kid if he hadn't stopped me. Then when we were 9 we were in his garden playing with a rope swing. A was swinging stupidly high, and me and B were egging him on, being stupid kids. He ended up going too high and the rope kind of twisted round his neck and snapped it right there. That noise and scene still haunt me and it's been 16 years. I still can't go near swings or even touch rope of any kind without having a full blown panic attack. No matter how hard it was on me, B took it worse, he'd known A longer. cont.
life sucks.
>>768619626
True enough, I mean if I have something I have it. I kind of doubt I do, I have abdominal pain, gas, bloating, and mild constipation, but no vomiting, no anemia, no blood in my stool or internal bleeding, no real symptoms beyond my gastro symptoms. I don’t feel tired or run down or anything. Guess I’ll find out, but I’m pretty sure I’m alright.
>>768619944
cont.
He was a bulky kid, not very smart but loyal to a fault and built like a brick shithouse. The effect that day had on him was horrifying, he couldn't leave the house and became gaunt and disturbed he could barely talk anymore. The poor fucker, I ended up moving away because I caused some really messed up shit in that area. I lost contact with him but I met his Mum in a supermarket when I was 13 and we rekindled our friendship, I would go visit him every chance I got, I felt like I owed him that. Then when I was 18 I had been with my girlfriend at the time for 2 years, and my visits were becoming more sparse and I wanted to see him, but I was a stupid git and got my priorities wrong and one day I got a text from him asking me to come up saying he really needed me he was having a bad day. I, being the fucking idiot that I was, ignored it telling myself you can go see him tomorrow, it can't be that important or he'd have called etc, why couldn't I have just gone up to see him. The next day as I was getting ready to leave fro his I get a phonecall. It was Bs mum, she was sobbing down the line and I knew what had happened, I went to his funeral and apologised about a hundred times to his mum, she just insisted it wasn't my fault and there was nothing I could do. I know that it wasn't my fault he killed himself but I can't ever forgive myself for ignoring him that day.
That's the story of how I lost the only 2 people I ever considered my friends, not a day goes by that I don't miss them. On my worse days I just think why? out of the three of us, I deserved to live the least, A was worth a million of me and so was B, why am I the one that's left. I don't want this burden anymore, what's the point of living if all I'm doing is suffering?
I know that was long winded and maybe a bit convoluted but thank you guys for taking the time to read this.
>tfw think about hurting self all the fucking time
>fucking hate myself
>worthless
>no self esteem
>too scared to speak to a doc
>just go to counselling sessions
I feel like I want someone to ask how I feel and I could tell them I feel like shit, but I always just automatically force the whole I'm fine routine, but I know I'm fucking not.
I feel like I want scars and shit, then I have a story or something and not just some empty shell.
Guess I'm an attention whore.
Let's just joke about our feelies then they aren't real
>>768620957
i meet 5/6 of these
whelp
>>768620915
F to your friends.
Just moved back home from my first year of college. Most of it was great, but the last few months sucked. I had a girlfriend who lived down the hall. I was with her all the time and I finally had a close friend group. Long story short we started to argue often on the weekends cause of parties and shit and I fucked up meeting her sisters so she broke up with me. I miss her so much. I lost most of my friends there too because I needed space away from her because it was too hard for me to see her perfectly fine and happy while I was the complete opposite. Because of my distance I ended up losing some friendships. I really only miss her now that I'm home though.
>>768621327
I'm not sure I understand you man
I see ops pic and want to hurt myself, is this what it's like to be [TRIGGERED]
What the fuck do I find appealing in that
>>768621316
Bingo!
>>768621344
How'd you fuck up meeting her sisters?
>>768621501
meh. i just don't do the counselling. so i'm more of a mess.
>>768621419
F
=
condolences.
I'm respecting their memory.
>>768621560
I got so afraid I was gonna be awkward around them that I ended up barely talking to them. Because I barely talked to them my ex got pissed at me so the next night they knew she was mad at me and were afraid to talk to me so it never really got better
>>768621419
It's in reference to a scene in COD:AW where you pay respects to a fallen soldier. by pressing F. It's since been derived by many online groups more or less as a meme.
>>768621820
I mean yeah you could have handled it better but your ex should have been more understanding.
>>768621709
>>768621911
I'm an idiot I realise now, thanks anon I appreciate it.
>>768621992
it happens. and it sucks losing anybody. hope the future is bright for you.
>>768622109
Me too Anon, me too.
Thanks again, like I said I really appreciate it
>>768621992
>I'm an idiot I realise now, thanks anon I appreciate it.
Yes you're an idiot. But you're my idiot. I can't be mad at you anon.
Thanks for sharing your story.
what do you guys do when you think about hurting yourself?
aside from hurting yourself
>>768621977
I probably should add that she was my first serious girlfriend and I had no idea what I was supposed to do for most of the relationship
>>768622425
Everybody has methods that help them, some people find talking about it helps, I personally use journals to helps keep my mind in check.
>>768622425
Nothing. just keep it to myself, slowly going insane.
>>768620915
For A, it was just an accident, nothing you could have done. Neck snapped, end of story, you were kids.
For B, just remember that even if your last moment on Earth was a "what if" question, it won't change what is done.
Nothing was your fault, just make sure that you will be able to prevent any other accident of that kind in the future.
You seem to understand a bit about loyalty, so let's see that as "something you owe them".
>>768605922
Feeling like shit, at a dead end in life it seems like. Drinking was making me severely ill so I've been forced to quit that. Have to endure everything without anesthetic now and it's rough. Dead broke with no idea what to do. I'll be 26 in a month and I filled out an application today to work a fast food drive thru window. No women in years, and I'm far away from the friends I had. Trying to ride this out but its scary, if I'd have known this is how things would turn out i would have probably offed myself
>>768618007
Speak to your doctor, tell him what happened.
Play the mental health card.
Get extra time.
Don't worry if you don't pass though, I got a foundation degree in computing and it was a waste of fucking time and money.
>>768606860
Same...
>>768622959
I honestly just feel like a fucking failure I have college in 6 hours I'm gonna ask my lecturers for a bit more time and hope for the best
>>768622928
>turn 26 in a few months
I hate life with all my being but I can't off myself because I'm raising my little brother, we have no one else so I have to move on with life. It's so fucking hard, though, before I could drink/drug myself stupid, get into risky shit, carve myself like a fucking turkey and didn't care. But I have to set a good example for him because all I want for him is to grow up happy and safe, to be everything I could never be growing up.
So now I'm just stuck with my horrible horrible mental state and no escape from it. I try my best to be a normal human being around my brother, act happy and provide a good enough example (Not that I actually know what that means but I assume that as long as I'm doing the opposite to all the adults in my life growing up, then that's a lot of progress) but lately is getting harder, because I'm remembering stuff from when I was a kid, I feel myself start to freal out over nothing and can't keep my shit together.
>>768624047
>>768606860
Is this you? >>768618135
>>768607122
this one?
>>768621570
>>768607998
damn, if not bait than damn
>>768608409
Try your damnedest.
Let her know you love her and that she helped you, see if you can give a "hero" idea, where she thinks needs to save you
>>768609954
God damn dude, fucking chill.
these people want help
Bad anon
>>768625603
Fuck no. That's not me. But still pretty triggering ;-)
>>768607431
Trade school
>>768624322
God i wish that were me (thr air around her thiccy
>>768610541
Not to me it isn't. To me my existence is the most important thing ever. Should be the same to you
>>768605922
>What's bothering you anon?
Humanities, its an utter disgrace, its also extremely degrading.
THIS^
I feel like I can never get my anxiety and depression under control despite having seen several therapists and being on medication. I can't always function like a normal person. I know that I'm more intelligent than most people, which makes it all the more upsetting to me.
>>768609639
Non of this is essential to find love. Get to the point where you at least like yoursef. If you try really hard to be someone you like, at least you should appreciate you trying, and be a little more easy on yourself. You have the right to be here. You have the right to exist
Due to the extremely cold and icy conditions and regional flooding of LOUISIANA game lands this past winter and early spring, breeding populations of most game animals are far below the normal limits for the upcoming hunting season. Therefore, the hunting of deer, rabbit, pheasant wild turkey, squirrels, bear, raccoon, and bobcat WILL NOT be permitted in the state of Louisiana during the 09-10 hunting seasons. However, Governor Bobby Jindal has provided by special decree, a substitute game animal to be hunted in order for the state not to lose license revenues and for hunters not to lose their woodland skills.
Effective September 1, 2018 thru June 1, 2019 there will be an open season on porch monkeys (UNEMPLOYUS AFRICANAS) occasionally known as jigaboos, saucer lips, shines, jungle bunnies, spooks, ******, shadows, spear chuckers, bluegums, coons, deuces, spades, critters, blackies, splibs, tar babies and moon crickets.
The following regulations will be enforced:
1. Hunters may not hunt in parties of more than 50.
2. No single hunter may use more than 20 dogs.
3. There will be no hunting in areas considered to be game reserves such as welfare offices, food stanp distribution centers, liquer stores, Cadillac dealerships, pork rib sections of meat markets, ghettos or arenas where professional basketball is played.
4. Traps may not be baited with pork chops, fried chicken, collard greens, watermelon, cheap whiskey, Ripple wine or Air Jordan athletic shoes.
5. No more than 5 grams of crack cocaine are allowed to be used as bait per day, per hunter.
>>768608409
Don't even THINK about getting her back. If it is not a lie that you want to be better, then give it all you have. Your undivided focous. Only when you love yourself it is reasonable to love others
>>768607122
So sorry anon. Talking about it is the only way to heal tho. Do you wanna tell us how you're feeling now?
>>768626471
Connect with yourself. Really try. What is going on inside your head?
>>768624173
You can use this as an opportunity to heal. Don't hide who you are from your brother, try to make him understand how you are feeling and how hard it is. I'm sure good things will happen if you do. You are not doing him a favor by lying to him, He will see through your misery and feel like shit.
Wanna say something, but its hard to word. Not even talking about telling /b/
>>768622928
you can do everything to fix this. Make a plan. What's the main obstacle between you and happines? I imagine there are many, but what's the main one?
>>768605922
I literally care about nothing in my life except two pepple, one i left sdn the other is about to leave me. I want to kill myaelf but I'm too much of a pussy.
Seem to have everything. I'm good at math and I go to a good college, but still think sometimes that if I just died it wouldn't be all that bad.
>>768620915
No one is "worth" more than others. "Worth" is a man made concept and existence doesn't respond to it. You have the right to exist. I'm sorry you had such tough luck
leeching money off of my mum for about 2 years now for cigs and weed. Go to college full time but i cant keep a job because of insomnia and stuff. Been really depressed the past few months and feeling like i cant take it anymore. What do to get a job and gf.
>>768618778
nice story anon. genuinely glad you are better. See other anons? It is possible
>>768618590
so sorry anon. I love my cats too, I'd be super sad if something happened to them. Life and death coexist tho, we can only accept it.
girl im seeing fora few months now that I love fucked some old guy for money a week before i met her and it's grossing me the hell out and I can't get over it
>>768627767
You think thats bad? A week before my ex and I started dating she was raped... Imagine that being in your mind the whole time
Had off and on depression/suicidal thoughts since I was 10. 23 next month. Just recently got out of a pretty bad rut that lasted all April (lots of really retarded self destructive behavior that I get to deal with now), but I've started somewhat of a new life so everything is a bit better. Hoping the good feels last, but there's still a small cloud of insecurity that stops me from feeling truly fulfilled.
Only thing that's stopped me from becoming an hero all these years is the fact that I don't want to hurt my parents. If they ever die in an accident or something, and I have a really down day, my plan has been to go with >>768609954 ever since the image began circulation. It'll suck for my brother and other extended family, but I think they could continue living their lives as planned.
New vanilla WoW server comes out in June and I got some old bros to roll with, and I just started keto again, should lose some pounds if I can stick to it.
Feels gud to rant.
I can't stop thinking about the first of January. Sitting down on the couch with my girlfriend, watching black mirror.
I was happy then. I had the four greatest friends I could ever ask for, including my girlfriend. Everything was right in the world, for once in my life. After all the mental breakdowns, and anxiety, and bullshit. I was at peace. I had everything I thought I wanted.
Now its the middle of May, and I don't know where I am anymore. My closest friend and I have become distant. While we're still friends, we don't talk nearly as much as we used to. My oldest friend is in a terrible depression, and I can't help him as he's states away.
And no matter how hard I try, I can't get over my girlfriend, now ex. I just wanted to make her feel safe, to give my all. And she thought she wanted that too, I guess. But things changed, and now I can barely even look at her. I took her advice, I let myself be selfish for once, and she left me because of it. I've followed that advice though, even though it led to our break up, and it helped.
I finally beat my dependency problems, I thought. My friends have their troubles, but I have faith in them. I know I can't help them until I help myself. I finally thought i was better. But recently, I realized how much I'm still in love with my ex, and it hurts. I know she's moved on, but fuck man. FUCK. I just want to see her laugh and smile at me the way she used to.
We always wanted to find a library in the snow. It was a happy place for her when everything was wrong. I guess I'll never find it now, though.
>>768627279
Thanks for your reassuring words. You are probably right, the problem is I'm not sure what exactly the issue is. The biggest immediate thing is not being able to find good paying work. I've applied to easily 50 places and been rejected because i don't have a degree or the money to get one. Coming to terms with being a drive thru worker and being so unfulfilled is extremely frightening i guess
>>768627877
You will not end your pain if you end yourself, you just will pass it onto the ones who love you. Yes, they will continue their lives eventually, but have you ever experienced grief? It changes you forever. I'm glad you are better, I'm sure you will sail through. Keep it up!
>>768618778
Must be nice to have people around you right?
>>768627894
If not bait get help or work on your ethics
>>768627852
oh yeah and this same girl was also raped by some nigger a year ago
>>768607858
>I think I'm trains
>>768628088
What would your ideal job be? Have you considered moving elsewhere? Do you have any skills you could put up to good use? How about being freelancer?
>>768607431
How old are you anon? Im 23 and in the same boat. 3 yrs at cc and 3 at uni, never finished. Just kept retaking classes. I hate how we’re all expected to go to college after hs just bc its the next phase in life. In my case since im 1st gen college and american (hispanic), my folks don’t even know what goes on in uni or how it works. Rn I plan on working for like 1.5 yrs and moving out again for good. Go for a 2 yr school like rad tech and maybe finish college at some other point.
I was a fukn weirdo when it came to uni. I had contempt for other “normies” since they seem so oblivious to life and the system. Just school and party for them, lost in their own self centered lives. Never talked much in classes and didn’t really apply myself. The isolation of living alone and not knowing how to motivate myself did me in too. In working and saving up rn I plan on using that suffering to build me up. Working at some shitty warehouse has made me see that I dont want to be like these other uneducated loser working a shit jobs for the rest of my life. I need to suffer more and create a drive and solid work ethic for myself. Still really want to go into healthcare but im not ready or mature enough Atm. Financial independence once i go back to achool will help. No more being a broke ass fucc boi eating whatever shit you can put together.
>tl;dr life doesn’t end at uni. Hopefully we’ll all make it brah. And if not then suicide/homicide pact all the way
Fuck this gay life. All of life is suffering
>>768607858
Fuck haters, you only have one life
>>768628118
Not if you defeat your own soul in a Shakishuri blowdown
>>768605922
Financial crisis.
I'm per diem (essentially on-call) at my job and haven't been getting hours. I've been helping my dying mother, so I'm living with her and don't have to worry about being fed and housed. That's fine, but the issue comes in with my girlfriend.
She's between jobs atm, and her lease is coming up (end of this week, now). She's been looking for an apartment with her roommates, but they've gotten rejected twice at the very end of the application process; both times when they were going to put down the deposit. If they can't work something out, they are going to end up rather fucked.
She's really super depressed, and I'm afraid her schizophrenia is going to act up and she'll start hallucinating and hurt herself. I'm trying right now to get some sleep, but images of her dead body haunt me and I want to throw up.
Some contextually important info
>We live in Jersey, near Philly
>If SHtF, she'll be able to move in with her parents. In Oregon.
>We've discussed getting married more than once and will do it as soon as we're living together (both of us have trauma from mistakes related to that)
>she's been looking for work diligently, but nobody is interested in hiring her at the entry level (she has a compsci degree and a few years in Peace Corps) and there's not really any work for her field in the area.
>I'm applying for jobs with other companies, but it's going to be too little too late when if I do get hired
>>768609983
They want a painless suicide method, and they got it. This isn't fucking tumblr, if you want to kill yourself, kill yourself.
>>768627852
My girlfriend was forced to work as a prostitute by her mother at the age of 9. She joined a gang with her "friends" And they forced her to be a prostitute,(now around 13 or 14, she never said the age when this happened but that's my guess) when she tried to leave they broke her toes, and shoved glass in her feet. She eventually moved but the thought that someone I love went through this haunts me at night and honestly eats away at my mind slowly deteriorating my mental state, but I love her more than love itself so I endure.
>>768605922
I like your image
In the past couple days all my depression has turned to rage, I’m mad at all the stupid self absorbed bitches in my grade. I’m mad at my parents who have literally had arguments over who has to take me for the week. I’m mad at my stepdad for leaving my mom, I’m mad at all the fucking hypocrites and backstabbers. I’m mad at mad dad for taking his other family (my step family), on multiple vacations a year alone and buying them thousands in shit on their birthdays and Christmas when he has never taken my brothers and I anywhere, and only stolen the birthday money my grandpa sends us. I’m mad at my narcissist, hypochondriac mom who has been offered jobs paying 300k a year and turned them down. I have no real friends, and I’m so angry I haven’t slept in over a day. I’m just so done with my life, I came home from school today and punched my guitar amp so hard my knuckles have started to bruise and bleed. Nobody seems to notice my rage either, maybe I’m just hiding it well, or maybe they don’t even care.
>>768628844
WHAT THE FUCK
Tat sucks.
>>768628941
Underage b&
>>768628278
Not sure, i really don't know what I want to do. I'd be willing to do just about anything just to not be couch-homeless (I'm like one step above homeless where everything i own fits in a bag and I live on friends/ family members couches but I don't panhandle or sleep umder bridges). That in and of itself I find extremely depressing, to the point I have difficulty functioning even though I'm sober now
Just got academic suspension from my uni dont know how to tell everyone. Its fucking ripping me apart because im a fucking loser with no interests that wants to fap and drink his life away
>>768628941
figure out who you are
and then imagine that person in the form of music
then create that music
>>768628968
Not to mention, she has schizophrenia, border line personality disorder, severe anxiety, PTSD and lots of other things she probably hasn't told me. She's been raped twice from what I know, her last relationship was an abusive one so she gets extremely scared anytime a even get slightly agitated because she's thinks I'll hit her. I've told her I would never do that, but it's PTSD, she'll most likely never get over.
>>768629569
What did you do?
>>768628706
This is what you sound like (pic related)
>>768629627
that's terrible.
nobody should have to go through that.
i wish the best for her and yourself.
>>768629308
Being sober is great and really hard to do, so you should be proud of that. Think really hard, there must be some non horrible job you can do. And even if you can't find one now, get any job at all. Regain your independence and evertything will seem so much better. Don't see it as settling for a horrible job, see it as a temporary stage to get you out of the pit. Best of lucks anon, I mean it with all my heart. I wish I could help you more
>>768629854
Thanks for listening. I wish you well too
>>768629705
I wont tell anyone im just sitting here drinking, and going on 4chan. im a fucking waste of space. I feel empty and just want to go back to uni because i really enjoy it but I have no motivation and just sit around all day doing nothing.
>>768630002
I mean what did you do to be put on suspension? That sounds awful man.
>>768605922
>Be me 27 year old depressed fag
>Become police officer at 21 in hopes to find purpose
>No longer feel purpose in job after doing a bit of everything
>Constantly axious and depressed like there's something looming in the distance that I'll have to do
>Only feel calm when doing dangerous shit like chases or clearing houses etc
>Hate drugs and alcohol due to family so self medicate through working out and watching anime like a week
>Two back injuries plus leg and arm injuries at work has left me in shit tier shape
>Recently only been looking forward to going home to watch cowboy Bebop over the past week but on last episode tonight
>Can't think of anything else to do not too many friends or aquaintances feel like my life is comprised of only my job
>Refuse to kill self due to seeing it as misuse of resources that could be used to help other i.e. my training and what not
> Not sure what to do anymore
Any ideas there doc? Can't see myself doing anything that doesn't involve a lot of risk and my only true skill sets revolve around shooting, tactics, and driving
fuck, luck is with me just got trips>>768630118
I did fuck all semester, and im below a 50 average so they kick me out of uni for at least a year
>>768630267
FInd meaning to life. What excites you the most? What makes your heart both warm and racing when you think about it?
>>768630329
>>768630002
That's not trips buddy, the last number has to be part of it.
>>768630513
exposed as a new fag rip... add that to the list of shit...
Younger brother has behavioral issues. Constantly want to beat the shit out of him. Am moving out in a couple of months, but he is so bad that it’s affecting everyone in my house. Fucking awful.
He’s my brother. I still have to love him and deep down I still do, but there is nothing on the surface level right now but contempt and anger for him. He’s unbelievably selfish and lazy and he’s like a dog that bites people and then gets upset when you don’t play with it.
He’s purposefully going to fail eighth grade and he’s done nothing the past few years but make us all miserable. He’s been telling people that my parents abuse him, which they do not. But honestly if it was me in their shoes, I would’ve curb stomped the fucker two years ago, so he should be grateful.
I don’t know what to do. I want to move out so badly, but the guilt at leaving my family behind to suffer with him is immense.
>>768630422
Not sure anymore really, thinking of doing the French foreign legion to spice things up but that doesn't do much in the fluttering heart category. Everything I've thought of doing so far just has that feeling as if it is prolonging some inevitable outcome.
>>768630757
someone help this poor fucker
>>768630757
i feel you with the guilt, except replace your brother with a sister with down syndrome, and the haunting responsibility of taking care of someone for your entire life.
>>768630002
For what it's worth I know some of that feel. I slowly and spectacularly flunked out of college as a goddamn junior after initially having very good grades. Academic probation, suspension, and eventually dismissal were horrible feelings. Makes you feel like shit. A few years later things in many ways are even farther down the shitter but I must admit, once the pressure of college is lifted the idea of just having to work to keep food on the table feels so comfortingly simple. All that college stress is gone, even if it feels like failure. College is wildly overrated anyways these days. School is for dipshits
>>768630763
what about trying not to be a war monger anymore? Try empathy instead, something that actually helps people
>>768630757
it sucks but he can't be your responsability. Your parents need to get him pshycological attention, quick
>>768631052
This 100X
My sibling doesn't have downs but she's severely crazy bipolar and dependent. It sucks because you want to go far away and make a new life or something but you care about your family and can't do that to them
>>768631149
I do that as well, it's not all kicking assholes in the chest. I've talked a few people out of jumping off buildings, patched up some folks, even saved a life or two. I help folks to the best of my ability because it's the right thing to do but the anxiety and depression are rather steadfast.
>>768631085
I want to be in uni, but i have no interest in the subjects so i dont put the work in. First semester i did quite well but second i did almost nothing. i dont want to be stuck in my parents house forever, I love living on my own and i can manege money quite well but I just want to find a passion i can work towards.
>>768631085
I did this too, except I left before they could kick me out. I tried for so long and so hard but it wasn't enough.
At least I was on the GI Bill and tuition reimbursement so I didn't go into debt
>>768605922
18 finally spent time with friends over the weekend got drunk for the first, shit was one of the funnest experiences with friends, realized I missed out on this and other fun things. Graduation coming but now there is barley anytime left to do anything and spend time anymore with friends because they have jobs, cars, etc. There gonna move on and live their lives having no time to do anything while I just procrastinated getting a job, license, spending time. Feel like I wasted my last 4 years and feel like a disappointment to everyone want to kms.
>>768605922
My wife is becoming more and more asexual and I'm really starting to resent her
>>768631245
We’ve tried so many things. It’s been years and years of this, nothing works at all. Neither punishment nor reward helps.
The only way things will get better is if he chooses to change, but he’s too comfortable in his selfish little world to do anything.
It’s like all of his empathy is gone... tonight we all sat down as a family to talk and he was being so awful that I lost it. I was crying and my mom was crying and he just got up and walked away. I’ve had friends tell me that he’s awful to them. He often asks my friends inappropriate questions when they’re visiting, like asking them if they masturbate or if they’ve ever watched porn... that sort of shit. He’s a 13 year old boy, but me and my friends are 18-19 year old girls and it’s just not fucking appropriate.
>>768631706
Bb ur only 18. Life is just starting. You haven’t wasted time at all.
>>768631623
True. There's much cheaper ways to live away from home than university, friend. It took me five years and tens of thousands of debt to realize the only reason i was going to college was for the housing/ social aspect and i acrually had no interest in my degree. Now i wish i had just dropped out sooner and worked and hung out with the same people
>>768631875
For better or worse the shit liberal gov in Canada, I can get though with little to no debt, but i just dont want to disappoint my family.
>>768626909
I feel a sort of premature world weariness and disgust with what I see around me, combined with a draw to help people. I feel like I'm not doing enough to help people, help myself, or even just function on a day-to-day level in spite of the help that I've received. I think that's what I feel.
Bump
Bump+
BumpX
>>768632072
I hear you. On the one hand iget where the family is coming from too. They know if you can get a degree your chances of earning above min wage and having some quality of life are better. But its not the only path to happiness/ success. Nothing wrong with going for the degree, but don't put undue pressure on yourself.
>>768605922
Official /r9k/ Server of sad
We all need a place to talk and be ourselves. The world is a very cruel place.
>Are you hurting?
>Do you enjoy your life?
>Is there something to get off your chest?
RqBR4R
RqBR4R
RqBR4R
RqBR4R
RqBR4R
>>768627984
I miss my ex too. I'm not sure if I can relate completely to your situation, but I get the at peace feeling. Back when I had her I was happy and now she's gone and nothing makes me happy anymore.
Damn this threads still up?
>>768613131
I can't go there atm. Started way too young, single digits, the person who kicked it all off had mental health issues. It wasnt a life affirming start to sexuality.
>>768626827
Have kept myself busy the last few hours. Kept my mind off things. Am feeling a little better thanks but I understand now, I'm not as ready to share as I thought I was.
>>768632537
My problem is, im content fucking off and doing noting with my life... i couldn't care less if i did anything. im satisfied doing almost anything. and im jealous of people that have drive to do more and strive for greater things but i feel happy already, drinking and basically fucking the dog...
>>768605922
I feel like my whole life is a cruel joke.
I just want to be cute and have a dom partner. I am large, hairy and ugly. I am emotional and weak. I should have been a girl, but life decided I was just going to be a defective man instead.
Lonely. No one to talk to and nothing to do.
>>76863292
No friends? living alone... the hardest fucking thing is leaving the house and actually talking to some one. Stresses me out I cant handle it.
I know this life is but a temporary condition. As we travel between the eternities. I have decided to lay this mortal shell down and rest a while. I wonder what the next phase holds for me. Thank you all I hope to see you all again
Live with Charcot Marie Tooth disease my whole life, 50 year oldfag now. Divorce destroyed my life financially. Try to live in the moment because thinking of the future is too painful and bleak. Only thing keeping me going day to day is pot and video games; and knowing I have the ability to blow my brains out when I decide I've had enough. Everything is winding down as I become more and more physically limited month by month. Can't motivate myself to try very hard anymore because why bother everything just becomes nothing anyway.
Shit, I need another drink....
>>768633083
Amen, god be with you.
>>768633170
I'm afraid I'll turn into you
>>768632669
It just hurts right now, because I had a chance. Not to try another relationship, but just to reconnect. I feel like it was there, for just a second.
And it passed me by again. I was too late to act, and I let her slip by one more time. Maybe for the last time.
>>768633702
That's my biggest fear other than I'll never see her again
>>768605922
I'm an androgynous female and I feel like it disappoints my husband.
>>768633890
Boy, aren't I lucky, since in less than two weeks, I probably won't ever see her again. In a few months. she'll be in New York, and starting a new chapter in her life. And i'll be here.
>>768633229
Thank you kind soul. I hope I dream
>>768633083
The next phase
is just you again
> Working at iHOP
>>768632878
when
ur goin
through- -
> hell?
..keep goin'! (¤)
I just linger aimlessly through life without a clear purpose. I just crawl lazily from day to day hoping to muster enough will to actually pull the trigger, but I know I will most likely won't do it, since at the end of the day, after the emotional dust settles, I am the only one that cares.
I am just a dysfunctional piece of human garbage with no self esteem. I don't know how to make friends as an adult, and I'd rather have no close friends or a partner, since their lives would be tangibly worst by association. I have a massive inferiority complex, which is part of the problem above mentioned.
I have a trust issue, which leads me to keep bottling up all the feelings, which come out as anger since I don't know how to deal with them. I always carry on with the "I am doing okay" routine, but in reality I just want to tell them that I am not okay.
I just don't know what is wrong with me.
