ITT autistic things that got us in trouble, I’ll start
>be me
>6th grade
>no friends
>get seated next to really popular kid
>I’m quiet in fear of looking retarded in front of cool kid
>he turns and asks me to draw in the back of the history book
>I nod
>grab pencil
>draw a massive cock in the back of book
>he laughs and writes “me horny me horny me want pussy” or something like that
>sperg out
>make it my mission to mark up entire class set of books with that
>fast forward one month
>more than half the books are marked up
>not feeling so good
>decide to stay home
>get news that someone got in trouble for writing profanity in the books
>some kid takes the fall
>kek
>go on with rest of day
>during lunch get pulled into principal’s office
>kid and a bunch of students from that history class snitched on me
>have to write some apology letter and an essay
>don’t write either
>whole thing blows over
>dad still makes fun of me about it to this day
It’s been over 10 years and my dad won’t let it go
me horny me horny me want pussy
me horny me horny me want pussy
me horny me horny me want pussy
me horny me horny me want pussy
>>768583971
I don't give a fuck. I have a slight of intelligence and me horny me horny me want pussy
me horny me horny me want pussy
Me pussy me want horny
>>768583971
>me horny me want pussy
>>768583971
when I was in 6th or 7th grade I stayed at my friend's house a lot because he was the only kid close enough for my parents to drive me there without them bitching and because he had stoner checked out parents who didn't watch us very well. He had a little brother that was maybe 3 years younger who was a total asshole. I was getting kind of sick of his shit one particular night and with his parents basically non-existent, the only way to get him to stop fucking with us was to rough him up a bit. While we were getting ready for bed, he came running in and threw a whole pitcher of water on me for no reason. I was pissed that I'd have to sleep in a wet sleeping bag and pajamas so I chased him into the bathroom to throw him in the shower fully clothed and turn it on so he would be miserable all night too.
About the time I had him 3/4 of the way in the shower (with him crying it was an accident and trying to push out) his mom came in the bathroom and saw all this. She was totally fucked up and started yelling at me and made me sleep in their basement alone. She accused me of trying to do weird sexual stuff to him in there and my semi-autismo kicked in and I didn't say I was beating him up because I thought I'd get in more trouble. Old hippie bitch still mentions that I "tried to be gay with her son in the shower" to this day in front of other people despite my friend (and his brother) telling her the truth. Took a while to come back from that one socially
>>768583971
When I was 10 I liked this Hawaiian girl named Tia. I didn't know anything about how to talk to girls so I drew a maze and left it where she would find it.
When she did and she picked it up, she was looking at it like "wtf?" and I stepped up and started pontificating:
"Hi, I'm Anon, master and maker of the maze!"
She just gave this cringe/smile thing and just let the paper slide out of her hands as she turned away and started walking.
Not to be deterred, I said, "So you don't like mazes? We can play hide and go seek! We can draw other stuff. Me horny me horny me want pussy!"
>>768583971
Still kinda of afraid because it's been a week, but still think I'm maybe autistic.
So, I met a girl at a goth club last week. She wasn't one of those disobedient avocado body type "real women" but had a slim waist and hips, broad shoulders, and a wide jawline and huge round tits. I guess basically 7 or 8/10.
She had a deep smoky voice and asked if we could go back to my place. When we got to my bed, she punched me in the face (she was strong too) then knocked me down on the bed.
She pulled down her pants (not far enough for me to see her puss tho) and shit on my chest then just walked out the front door.
As she was leaving, I shouted to her, "Me horny me horny me want pussy"
>tfw horny horny and want pussy
>>768588388
me horny me horny me want pussy
>>768587608
Fucking hell man. Underrated/10
>>768587608
kek
>be me
>be 17
>be 1997
>underage drinking with my cousin lol
>go down to beach
>3 sheets to the wind
>friends show up
>shy, 8/10 qtpi with them
>try not to sperg out
>doing pretty well so far
>trying not to scare her off
>trying not to ignore her either
>make some jokes
>ppl laugh
Anon, you're so funny, lol
>look at her when make joke
>she smiles, shy smile
>attractionsignals.png
>bodylanguage.wav
Hey Anon, you bring your guitar?
>no
>damn
>could've really wowed this group with pleb tier three-chord songs
Hey Anon, my aunt's guitar is in the cottage! Let's go get it.
>me and dorky cousin go into cottage to look for guitar
>upstairs in closet
>he's digging out the guitar case
>i hear massive rumble from outside
>oh fuck
>i know that sound
>fucking chad friend's truck
>must acquire guitar!
>STAT!
>yank guitar out of cousin's hand!
>run down stairs, out of cottage
>chad already saying hi, mixing with group
Cont'd
>>768586630
Were you horny and wanted boipussy?
>>768590654
what happend then
>>768590654
>go sit on picnic table
>tune up guitar
>slight buzz keeps me out of sperg territory
>otherwise, might've run over to group shouting I PLAY GUITAR HURR DURR
>just get guitar in tune
>find capo in case
>snap it on to fretboard
>opening chords of wonderwall
>start singing
Todayyyyyy is gonna be the dayyyy that they're gonna throw it back to you!
>spare the group a glance
>one of my friends raises a beer in my general direction
By nowwwww you should've somehowww realized what you've got to do.
>group's convo starts to die down
>group gravitates toward me
>chad friend looks annoyed
>shy qtpi smiling, not in front of group, halfway hiding behind another girl
>seek out her eyes
>she smiles that shy smile again
>lock eyes with her
I don't believe that aaaaanybody.... feels the way I do... about you now
>her smile grows
>chad friend actually looks pissed now
>frown as he glances at shy qtpi
>she's not even his type
>but you know how chads are...
Cont'd
>>768591117
me horny me horny me want pussy
>>768587608
>>768591166
This won't end well, isn't it. Something like you begin a hard solo focusing on guitar and by the end of it you see Chad's cum flying on her face? Ye, me horny.
>>768591166
Back beeeat, the word is on the street that the fire in your heart is-
PLAY SOME SKYNYRD!
>chad
>fucking. chad.
I'm suuure, you've heard it all beforrre, but you never really had a doubt
>qtpi smirking, glances at chad
I don't believe that aaaaanybody... feels the way I do...about you n-
FREEBIRD!
>fumble a chord
>chad starts chanting
FreeeeeeBIRD! FreeeeeeBIRD! FreeeeeeBIRD!
>pumps fists in air
>everyone is chanting freebird now
>even qtpi
>fuck
>stop playing wonderwall
I uh... I don't really know Freebird.
>know lyrics of course
>just don't know the chords
>chad has smug look kin his face
>cigarette sticking out of his mouth
>walks over to picnic table hand outstretched
>there is no question
>hand him the guitar
>simply dumbfounded that he knows how to play it
>turns out he doesn't
>standing there, holding guest awkwardly, just strums random discordant shit
I'm as freeeeeee as a birrrrrrrrrd now!
And this birrrrrd you cannot chaaaaaaaaaange!
>qtpi laughing the cutest laugh
>im now just a member of chad's audience
Too many lines
Cont'd
>>768592260
>qtpi turns to me laughing
Isn't he funny?
>of course she thinks chad is funny
>everyone thinks chad is funny
>getting less buzzed by the second
So, hey... I have a song!
>everyone looks at me.
>even chad is surprised
>qtpi likes funny songs, eh?
>take guitar from chad
>start strumming something that sounds like pearl jam meets nine inch nails
>don't judge; it was 1997
>decide to wing it with some minor chords
There's something, something to know about meeeeeeeee
Me.... Me horny, me horrrrnyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy
Me.... Me want pussssyyyyyyyyyyyy
Me horny me horny me want pussy!
>nobody laughed
>qtpi had most disgusted look on her face
>nobody talked to me the rest of the night
>sat by myself
>drank heavily
>shy qtpi left with chad
>i passed out and slept on the beach
> covered my balls with peanut butter
> let the family dog lick me
> got caught by parents
> got sent to jrc
> had cock and balls shocked with electrodes
> went to group home
> got anally fucked by other spergy kids
> turned into dick girl
> sucked off spergs in high school
> became adult baby
> lives in group home
> gets fucked by my service dog
> keeps on buying jars of peanut butter
> gets disowned by family
> fucks other spergs at group home
> am very happy
> have loads of sex and don’t have to work
I win
GOD FUCKING DAMMIT
>>768592312
Oh you faggot.
>>768592354
BO-RING
>>768591166
there was nothing you could do...
>>768592260
inb4 me horny me horny me want pussy.
The amount of samefagging in this thread is astounding.
>>768592502
> gets tied in four point restraints
> gets jacked off by members of football team
> cheer leaders piss on me
> jocks kick me in my balls and shit on my
> jocks shave my balls cover my cock with lighter fluid
> jocks set my balls and penis on fire
> fire gets put out by kids with down syndrome pissing on me
> kids with down syndrome shove icy hot up my ass
> kids with down syndrome masturbate me as jocks video tape it
> whole school sees the video
> i become known as the tards fuck toy
> i enjoy it
> i let the tards jack me off for the rest of my time in hs
> I enjoy it when tards fuck me
> that’s the only sex I get because i am a sperg
tl;dr i enjoy being sexually abused by kids with down syndrome in hs
>>768592844
Ahh it's funny though, I laughed a lot at the first few
>>768593006
>>768593290
Obviously you’ve never been fucked by a tard before. They have gifted hands and can make anybody orgasm. That’s how God apologized to them for making them a tard.
>>768593006
>didn't end it by calling it the aristocrats
>son, i am disappoint
>me horny me horny me want pussy/10
>>768593961
Autists don’t get no pussy boi
>>768594030
This kind of shit is why I don't support Autism Speaks
>>768594135
Good. Autism Speaks is owned by kikes that hate autistic people but love your shekels
>>768592312
Kek'd godamnit
trash ass discord server
-
-
-
invite code: jEfYmXS
x
also this story is sad
>>768593956
Exactly !
>>768583971
me horny me horny me want pussy
I just witnessed the making of a meme
>>768595616
Welcome to 4chan, the world’s best meme factory.
>>768595616
the shorter meme oh history
Is all gone...
>>768594512
This map must've been created before the mudslime hordes began invading...
>>768596699
>that implies mudslimes are American people
Protip: mudslimes aren’t human
>>768596807
>implying i was saying a goddamned thing about america
Also, me horny me horny me want pussy
>>768592312
Legendary
Someone should screencap this thread, or post the cap if you already have
>>768597244
thxfam
>inb4 samefag
>>768583971
>me horny me horny me want pussy
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kiJkKM6u81o
>>768596699
protips Musulmanons believe in god...
>>768598656
You're a genius rite ?
>>768598733
No U
Aww ya gotme !
>>768598481
Right...... And then they moved into eu in massive hordes, meaning europoor region should be moar godly... But it's not... Hence why I say the map is not accounting for this fact.
Is that really so hard for y'all to follow?!
>>768599120
I love breaking bad!
>>768599202
Musulmanons didn't convert EU...
>>768599525
Sooooooooo, they're not counted on that map because of that? Like, they're just passed over for the survey or someshit?
>>768599729
Are you mentally retarded ?
>>768583971
When I was thirteen, I used to masturbate but not like most boys.
I didn't want my dick to get hard. It required it being flaccid.
I would lie on my stomach and press on my soft dick until I came. It's difficult to describe accurately.
That summer, I had the house to myself one day during the week and I was particularly worked up. So I got my DVD copy of The Professional and started dick-pressing to Natalie Portman's little tits, trying not to look too much at Leon himself.
I never heard my aunt come in. I was on my bed pressing away until I came in my tighty whiteys. I had paused the movie on one scene with Natalie looking so delicious.
I just looked up after that and saw my aunt staring at me. Fucking pokerface.
"Um...." I started.
"Anon, I'm not going to say anything to anyone. And don't be embarrassed."
I realized my cheeks were on fire at this point.
"We've all done it. It's nothing to be ashamed of, or weirded out by."
cont
>>768599997
I could ask you the same thing.
>map of europe shows low godfag count
>lots of muzzies come in
>lolnope they don't count
>>768583971
>1st grade
>written assignment in class
>was very neat in my handwriting and i was proud of this
>i decide to show the girl in front of me
and no i wasn't trying to impress a girl.i was fucking seven
anyways
>grab her attention and point to a particularly neat written letter
>"look at that e baby"
>i wasn't actually calling her a baby but that doesn't stop her from snitching in under two seconds
>i fucking miss out on game day because of this
>i'm still mad to this day
fuck you emily
also can we talk about how much snitching went on in elementary school and how heavily it was encouraged? i hope all the snitch ass niggas in elementary had a horrible time in high school and onwards
>>768600525
Bullies and jocks sexually torture the snitches so they get what they have coming to them. They use objects and icy hot to make sure that snitch does not enjoy their punishment. :p
>>768600268
"You know, girls do it too".
I should mention my aunt was 27 and actually kind of attractive.
"Really?" I said awkwardly.
"Yeah, we get the itch sometimes too.'
"But, you don't have a..."
She laughed. "We have our own thing though. Want to see?"
She didn't even wait for my response.
She just dropped her pants and panties in one shot.
Shaven snatch.
She came over to my bed and looked at the tv.
"That little girl is pretty hot!" she said.
She proceeded to squeeze her own tits and rub one out right there on my bed.
As she came, she started moaning and cried out, "ME HORNY MY HORNY ME WANT PUSSY!"
If you don't reply to this post, your mother will die in her sleep tonight.
>>768600715
Oh for Christ's sake! You're still here,?!???!!!!!
>>768600726
Did you do your aunt redneck style and fuck her?
>>768600351
never said they dont coun't that's why I ask about your mental health
The fact that they should count ! but it's compiled into this statistic and it doesn't change anything in the end.
Good troll or else completely stupid to believe that there are more Musulmanons than anontheists and anongnostics
>>768600791
Me horny me horny me want pussy
And I want to read these stories about autists because it makes me feel better about being an autistic drug abusing shitposting edge lord.
>>768600884
>actual autism, ladies and gentlemen
>>768600940
That’s weaponized autism, it has been weaponized by pol and b
>>768601039
Indeed.
Bygones?
>>768583971
My cousin. Got me in a lot of trouble
>>768600805
No, I was too much of an autist for that!
I'm pretty sure she wanted me to.
I stayed a kv until I was 20.
Did any of you autists do drugs to help you socialize? Or am I the only degenerate drug abusing sperg on 4chan
mdmaautism.org
>>768601247
Darmok and Jilad.
At Tinagra.
>>768601505
Nope cause ME HORNY MY HORNY ME WANT PUSSY!
>>768601694
Me honey me horny me want pussy only after me use MDMA.
>be like 12
>theres some idiot in our class, pretty sure he was on the binge of being gran autismo
>name is Jan
>ff to my birthdayparty
>we start an anti-Jan-club
>with memberpass, weekly comicmagazine and all that premium shit
>even my mother laughing at it
>take all that stuff so school
>Jan's getting behind, because between class i was recruiting new members
>gets some of the premiumstuff and throws it in the trash
flash_of_genius.wav
>have glorious idea to tell our teacher
>"mr XY!! Jan threw all my stuff away where we bullied him to some extreme extend"
>gets called to the principals office and got nearly expelled
fuck we made about 5 or 6 of those comics, every one had some "special toy" in form of some doxing information. one had his phone number, the next his adress... shit was dope. met him a few years ago.
hes still a huge faggot
>>768602639
Did anybody physically bully him, I’ll roll for that story.
>>768602639
>Be me
>Jan
>Minding my own business
>Some faggot keeps talking about his birthdayparty in hushed tones
>Whatever, he's an asshole. Wouldn't go to his party if he invited me
>ff to school after party
> A few kids are drawing mean comics of me for no reason
>most just seem to be going along with anon
>Get a hold of some of the 'comics' if you can call scribbles comics
>Really shitty, really juvenile
>Oh well, guess these belong in the trash
>Kid starts whining to teacher like a first grader
>"He... he ... he *SOB* took muh drawerings"
>Teacher buys it because kid is a huge whiney bitch and tattles about everything and cries until he gets his way
>Principal understands, tells me just to ignore them and tell them I almost got in trouble
>go back to class with no consequences
>Bitch kid oddly smug
>ohwell.jpg
Does this sound more accurate?
Me horny me horny me want pussy
>>768602985
no, nothing like that.
but those comics were basically all about killing him in different ways. he got then resurected in different ways and got killed in some kennyesque-southpark way.
it was very, VERY graphical
>>768603425
How do you remember stupid shit like this?
>>768603425
haha not really.
turns out the kid was the fucking neighbor of our principal and he didnt really knew it was him until he called him into his office too, after an hour of talk with me.
principals exat words when Jan came in:
"oh, YOU are this...."
then the case was closed in about 10 minutes. Even he knew he was a fucking idiot
>>768603753
So it was real. Shit I thought this was a made up story.
My stories are just the result of my drug-addled brain farting degenerate shit all over 4chan.
>>768603997
haha no i'm not imaginative enough to make stories up which are remotly funny. its 12pm here
>Be me
>Be 12
>2001
>I like this girl. She was very cute and shy
>100% my type.
>One day, little bitch Jonesy starts to flirt with her right infront of me as I was talking to her
>Definitely do not like
>Want to get revenge so I wait until the next day.
The next day, in Science class.
>Playing with elastic band
>Idea.png
>See little bitch Jonesy.
>Spy target, ready pencil.
>Pull back rubber band with pencil in it
>Line up shot..
Fired. Straight in the back of the head, a giant sharp pencil.
>mfw little bitch Jonesy needed stitches for the hole in his head.
Cont?
part 1
>be in gym lockers before gym class
>there's a shower, and a massive trash can by it
>lightbulb.jpg
>pull trash can over to shower
>turn it on
>leave for gym class
>it's fucking full
>at least 300 pounds of water
>push it over, barely
>fucking tsunami
>locker room floods
>>768604494
>100% my type
By which, you mean she has a pulse and spoke to you once?
>>768604583
part 2
>do this for a few days
>do it enough htat the water damages the tile on the floor
>get caught
>stop
>a few months later, near end of school year
>moving so it's the last day for me
>fill trash can
>get toilet paper roll
>mix it with trash and start tping the locker room
>put the trashy toilet paper in people's lockers through the vent holes
>hear door open
>fucking bolt to the other exit
>slip
>ankle is sprained
>barely make it out
>leave
>mfw
>>768600525
>snitching
>bad
Lol no
>>768603425
>>768603667
How do you function in society with no reading comprehension skills?
> be me
> be 11
> want that thot
> be autistic so I don’t like being touched
> have the bright idea of having a girl tie me down
> because me horny me horny me want pussy
> have the girl jack me off as I’m tied up
> I hate being touched but want to score with a girl for points and bragging writes
> I hate every minute of it but I want to cum
> the girl jacks me for five hours
> I get as hard as a rock
> the girl gets my dick hard
> the girl stops and squeezes my balls
> I’m blue and want to cum but the girl won’t let me
> the girl does this for 8 more hours
> the girl says she likes me because I’m not a minute man like all the other spergs
> I don’t know what that means
> the girl says I can fuck her because of how long I lasted
> I fucker for another two hours because
> me horny me horny me want pussy
> I come into her
> I become popular
> I cum into her
> she jacks me off and I cum again
> I’m happy
> I no longer hate being touched
> I guess my penis doesn’t have autism
> I fuck her a lot because I have cum control
> another girl wants to fuck me
> I make her let me ass fuck her
> again for points
> I get cred with black students for ass fucking a white girl
> I become even moar popular
> I get invited to moar parties
> I no longer need to be tied down when girls touch me
> I feel happy and normal for the first time in my life
tl;dr fucking a girl cured me of my autism
mow
