Can we have feels thread?
The stories and information posted here are artistic works of fiction and falsehood.
Only a fool would take anything posted here as fact.
Only a fool would take anything posted here as fact.
Can we have feels thread?
To myself: Sure, we can!
And again...
>>768491199
i love that song, rip
Ok, I will be posting alone.
I live alone, I post alone...
I feel like my father fucked up my life. I feel worthless when around women and feel like there's no way any of them would like me even if they directly told me they do. I think a lot of girls liked me throughout the years but I've always been blinded by the "what could she possibly see in me?". I'm fucked for life until I find a way to deal with that shit
This is the fifth mother's day I've seen without my mother alive. I wonder what she'd think of me and it kills me to imagine her disappointed. Her advice and wisdom is lost to me and all I have left is a letter she tried to write but failed to finish before the cancer ate her bones. Days like this are hard, harder still that I can't lean on my friends or my gf in real life about this.
>>768493885
everyone is as worthless as you think you are, go get em tiger
>>768491199https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=38SojIdVeLQ
I've listened to this last night and had a few good cries my friend.
It's a wordless song by a Russian musician. It's truly something beautiful. Made me more at peace in my soul. Funny how a song without words can do that sometimes way more than with words.
>>768494205
thanks for the support man, I really need it right now. I'm trying but the feelings or worthlessness are getting stronger the more I engage, its like I need to sort myself out before I make a move on a girl you know? just don't know how
>>768493885
wait, how does your father play into the role of how they see you?
Women are mostly into confidence and attitude anyway. As long as you make enough to be somewhat comfortable the rest is confidence, attitude, and style. And you can always change all of that brother as long as you are healthy.
Health is the greatest wealth. Because with that you can shape your life.
>>768494164
Why did she fail writing the letter? that freaking sucks. Why didn't she write it sooner? Is there a good part of it though at least?
I'm sorry anon. Live in a way you'd honor your mother not in some big grandiose way, just be a good person. Start in small ways and when you're one day better off, honor her in bigger ways.
Please don't lose hope. Your mother would love you any way you are and you know that. Honor her with how you live brother.
My mother has been very sick for the past few years and watching her get old is hard on me as I've been sick a bit as well :/ and now she's gone for 2 months in and out of hospitals and it hurts, but just live like a good person anon, there's something right and beautiful in that.
>>768494637
i mean, that might be true about sorting yourself if it means hitting the gym a few times or something but you don't need some grand wooing plan. just a casual conversation, if you think there's a vibe ask her out for a coffee. if not, move on. you're building this up too much mate, like people in the 70s getting scared of swimming after watching jaws.
>>768494164
Do you ever cry? I feel as it's super important to cry at least once or twice a month, like a really good cry especially if you're going through challenges.
>>768494660
I am confident and girls seem to like me for it, I'm funny and somewhat outgoing, I feel comfortable around women, thing is, I always pussy out when they show interest in me.
Not to be a pussy or whatever but my father doesn't really like me and he'd always put me down, make fun of my future goals, make fun of my appearance in a genuine heartless way, shits on me all the time for everything I do and I can't help but feel worthless because of it. His attitude towards his family is "who'd want him anyway?", which says a lot about him, since we all kind of dislike him for the nasty shit he does and says to us. He's done that all my life and its finally caught up to me now and I can't believe any girl would like me because of that
>>768495095
I've no problem talking to women and I try to ask them out, I'm usually feeling good about myself and I'm generally in a good place in life. Its just when things get to the point where she actually might like me back that always puts me down because of what I mentioned in the 2nd half of >>768495199
>>768495199
There's nothing pussy about that when your father has put a negative self worth on you from a young age, that's hard to break away from.
I think through exercise and mastering your hobby or art or something you will escape that. Become a professional at something, either work or passion, enough to be good enough to make money either way. But just be good something, what do you like to do anon?
Can you paint? Paint something every day and in a year or 2 you will be great. Just keep working on it.
If you type a lot type WAY more, become a fast typer, just keep adding on qualities, and soon you'll look at yourself and surely you'll see your worth as high.
>>768495199
Yeah, I used to be outgoing up until 20 21 had a tough 4 year relationshp breakup and it changed my whole perspective about women and dating in general.
I've been mostly single, a few hook ups, but mainly 2 years now single, besides one girl for a few weeks, and I just want one woman I could love for the rest of my life.
I don't think I believe in dating around anymore. I don't like it anyway.
I don't want that anymore.
>>768495337
well that shows me for not reading the thread properly.
your dad's given you the perfect incentive man, my dad's cool but if he was like that i'd snag the hottest girl i could, take her to every forced family gathering and make him eat shit.
>>768495199
It says way more about him than you when somebody's filled with hate like that and they say shit like that you know therapists always say it's the person really hating themselves. He doesn't feel able to love himself, he can't stand himself.
And if you're a failure then he failed as a father, didn't he? I despise mental abuse 'cause sometimes it takes years to figure out what you're working with or get to the deep end, at least with physical abuse you konw exactly what you're working with.
>>768495426
I used to do art but then went to college and realized I'm not up to the standard so I kind of quit and left it as a side hobby. I'm more into music now and feel like its my thing, its going really well and thats what Im committed to the most these days. I've been recording/mixing my band's music for the past 2 years now, playing guitar for about 5, its going well just its not something I could do everyday since college/other band members' lives are busy so it takes a bit of time and has long breaks.
I get to the point where I feel really accomplished but that thought of 'not being good enough anyway' always lingers. I really don't want to sound like I'm making up excuses but its tough man, gets in my head too much
>>768495337
well the last 7 or 8 I tried to ask out, the prettier ones always give me the puppy eyes i have a boyfriend, and one or 2 liked me, but they were more average...so I think most of the prettier ones didn't have boyfriends obviously, or even if they did they'd give the # to a more attractive guy.
So for 2 or 3 years now I never ask a # from a girl i could like even a lot 'cause i just don't wanna embarrass myself.
>>768491199
un-cool
>>768495741
Do you have a YouTube channel? I'd like to subscribe. I do flash cards on YouTube teaching Russian but i don't make anything from it anymore cuz only like 430 subscribers, need 1000 now to make money.
But before i was making about 30 bucks a month lol. Small start but it was nice.
>>768495741
I understand. Do you have free insurance? Ever thought of talking to a therapist to help you with that?
I tried quitting heroin on my own like 8 or 9 times and I succeeded a few times for a few months, but went' back every time.
But once I went to a therapist that cared about me and listened, that was it. It did some kind of "shift" in me no kidding. I started looking at the drug and people around a different way, and I enjoyed it way less from that point on.
And even though I got high a few times after my few therapy sessions I was just dreading the come down and knowing that now I have a few days of withdrawals for a few hours of fun or feeling goodn and it's never worth it.
When you're fucked up you think it is, but then getting insomnia for 6 months from Post Acute Withdrawal symptoms is no fun either, that can happen from benzos or opiates.
>>768495890
What's ur channel? I actually need to improve my Russian as its gone rusty lol
>>768495741
And i don't wanna be an asshole but from what I see and hear it seems like that most good therapists are the male ones, not sure if I'm just wrong but to me it seems though.
The women try to push shit on you, the men are better listeners and see things in a more dynamic or different perspectives when women tend to just be stuck in one zone, like do this, write lists, set goals, blah, blah. It's not always about that shit. I quit heroin all without that because i had a shift in my mind about my use and why I do it. I finally understood why i do it. Not even understand it logically, but like finally SHIFTS your mind and how you look at it when you have a few realizations about it in therapy bro.
Please go talk to someone, even if it's just once or twice. Don't knock it unless you try it 2 or 3 times, and if the first time the therapist sucks then try another one. Then if it's not for you then don't go.
I haven't been to one in like 4 months now but i'm thinking about going soon again talking about some other things.
I don't do drugs now, i just drink sometimes and it's not even a problem, not even alcohol. Most times i can't finish more than 2 beers.
I feel desperate for intimacy and a relationship but my weaponised social anxiety and awkwardness has always held me back. Girls seem
To find me attractive but I can never seal the deal or even “make a move”. I’m 26 now and feel if I don’t fix it soon I’ll end up as a wizard
>>768496221
Just my name is called Rant Therapist, you'll find me on there. I'm like 40 words into 1000 most common Russian words, but i've got like 150 videos, they're just audio flash cards. Nothing special.
But if you'd like that'd be cool. I haven't uploaded in months but I'll start again this week. I've been kind of depressed lately.
>>768495603
Thats what I felt like one day, but recently I found out that he's super racist and would not accept a girl that isn't from my country. Thing is, I live in a country thats not my own and pretty much every girl I know would be a local so it adds extra pressure since I know I will never be able to bring her home to my parents.
>>768495691
I thought about that too, I feel that he's projecting himself onto me and if I make a mistake (which I must, its life experience) he resents me for it because its a mistake he once made.
he does like to blame others all the time even if its his fault. Thing is, I've so much empathy for people that I can't help but love him and when there was a time he was depressed I was the only person to keep him company. Then he got me into a car accident and made me sort everything out for him and take the blame by calling my mother, which I did and neither of them spoke to me that day. I had ptsd from it once and I owe it all to him, despite that I still don't show I hate him. I feel like the only 'cure' would be to cut him out of my life, like detoxing in a sense but I just can't do that, my family is broken up and dysfunctional enough as it is
not trying to put anyone down, but do any of you lonely people have jobs? it's waaaaay easier to find a relationship at work, and if it doesn't work out it's really not as bad as people say.
>>768496478
the whole point (well, the fuel anyway) is to piss him off, a cute native should work. as long as he doesn't try to lynch her or anything...
>>768496685
I started a new job two weeks ago, there’s a girl I was immediately attracted to. We literally haven’t spoken a word together which is strange because she seems outgoing with all the other new people, I’m guessing she’s a shy as me or she has something against me.
>>768495851
It always leads back to your mother's pussy tho.
>>768495797
I always just wait until any girl shows some kind of interest and in the recent 2 years I've actually attracted a lot of good looking ones. One of them i thought was being obvious so I actually asked her out, but she bailed and sent me a lengthy text explaining how she just wants to be friends. Then recently, on a night out she was all over me, but she was drunk and I just didn't feel right about it.
The other one said she's not ready to jump into a relationship and ghosted me despite agreeing to go on a date, she was super into me, but she's apparently a virgin and never really dated so she might be anxious, her friends were shocked when she did that to me
because they could tell she liked me. These 2 girls now I'm actually too terrified to engage with, one is giving me mixed signals, the other just feels like she likes me more than I like her some days, then just puts me down and doesn't really talk. I'm too anxious to play in that field so I'm just hoping for the best or just moving onto someone else at this point if I could find them.
I'd say with you, its kind of a mental block that can only be fixed if you expose yourself to that fear of embarrassment. But what do I know man, I'm less experienced than you are, i just think it makes sense so its worth a shot
>>768496685
I fucked a cashier and now I'm single and unemploys.
>>768496478
Sorry i was away for a few minutes. I'm back.
>>768496478
Yeah that's most likely it, he probably sees qualities in you that remind himself, OR what's more accurate is he things in you that are BETTER and that pisses him off and he resents people around him. He needs therapy majorly.
>>768497154
you are voluntarily unemployed unless you raped the cashier on the till. fuck off.
>>768494810
Poor anon :C
>>768497026
do you have something against her? if not, why would you assume the same of her?
>>768497127
Well some girls have other guys or exes and stuff or on and off so it's complicated, I get it.
It sounds like you're doing fine with girls, that's just life stuff bro. You're doing well.
>>768497154
they do say don't get involved with anyone at your work for a reason i guess, but many break that rule
most likely what happens is some kind of conflict or bs after breaking up and they start resenting you and sabotaging your job for you or spreading false rumors, it's dumb but that's what many people do.
>>768495890
Not yet, we're waiting to finish writing the whole album, its more of a conceptual piece so one song won't really make sense. I do have soundcloud where I upload the odd thing or whatever but I'm not sure if it'll show my 'abilities' so don't want to mislead you.
Oh shit nice, make a facebook page man, make sure to put subtitles, a lot of people scroll past and don't click on the video, but if they watch the subtitles they'll hit the 3 second mark that will count as a view, you make more money on facebook these days apparently.
>>768496086
I don't sadly and yes I did consider it but I'm skeptical and not sure if I'll be able to afford it. I feel embarrassed talking about it to be honest, I'm not sure why, its not my fault, but feels like a weakness in a sense.
Shit man, heroin? I can somewhat relate to you I suppose, I did a lot of speed back in the day until it stopped working and made the 7 hours comedown or whatever, kick in instantly, I was sick for 4 days, then after I never felt the same so I quit, quit other things after too. Just morning sweats for months for me, but still, annoying. Are you off completely now?
>>768497026
most likely she's like you, it's harder to talk to you because she likes you...just talk to her and find out.
Ask her you're going to get something and if she wants a coffee. Do that. That's always easy, 'cause from that you can see if she'll start giving you more attention or just accept a coffee or drink like a friend or just say no.
Just think of something else simple like that if you want. idk, that's simple enough, do it.
>>768497365
No, I havnt made any effort to interact with her so I was thinking she thinks I’m weird or something. We sat next to each other in a bar for an hour and never spoke a word, though someone that was there too said something about how we should be with each other in a teasing way
>>768497641
I didn't know you could make money from posting videos you make on Facebook? I don't even have a regular Facebook for myself. Interesting.
>>768496324
I usually try to put myself in someone else's shoes and try to figure out answers for things I can't come up myself but with the issue I have, I don't even know where to begin. I think its something I could potentially sort out myself but if it gets to the point where I really can't do it all on my own I will actually talk to a therapist. I think we have one in college but I'll have to go next year since the year is over now. Fair play on knocking the habit btw
>>768497641
Yeah I haven't done anything a good 9 months now. but i did heroin on and off for about 3 years and kinda fucked up college, got into some debt, but nothing super crazy, just wasted time and few years of life.
I smoked it. DIdn't shoot it, which costs more, smoking costs like 4 times more, cuz shooting is way less for a better high. But i didn't want to take that step into that because I knew i might not come back. I just knew. I tried it a few times and knew i couldn't keep doing that.
>>768497718
but she hasn't made any effort either, so if you don't think she's weird for that i don't see why you'd think she thinks that. women are just people mate, tell her a shit joke and get on with it.
I am feeling absolutely horrible. I saw no future, felt a eerily strange motivation from the pointlessness of life. Then a girl came into my life. She managed to win my trust. I wanted a future again. I saw a future. Then I switched medication and became short tempered, kind of insensitive at times and less talkative. This lasted for about one and a half month. Then she left out of nowhere. Now I'm off worse than I started. No future to look out for, eerie feeling of peace starts to form as I'm back to no reason to live except for pets and family.
Tomorrow I got to get up at 4:40am. The overwhelming sadness and anxiety are so bad they're causing physical issues, and make me incapable to sleep before 1am. Weed would help me sleep in time. But going upstairs while it's still light out is very scary. I'd see all my stuff, her stuff or what's left of it, our picture. This is very scary for me as it brings back a tonne of memories and makes me feel even worse. Even thinking about weed to help me sleep makes me feel guilty, and the possible fears that get triggered more so. Either I'm gonna be useless tomorrow, or I might have to deal with extreme anxiety tonight. I cannot make up my mind, and as its already 8:48pm I feel pressured to decide.
>>768497283
nah, bosses were a bunch of fuckin cunts.
Plus certain people there were manipulative fuckin low lives that were fuckin with me on a constant basis and when I finally ended up happy and with someone they decided to fuck me over because they thought they held some grip over my life because my situation is kind of shitty and is easy to make it so I end up in prison because I owe a shit load of child support because the state I live in is fuckin retarded and ran by the scum of the earth.
Btw, nobody's voluntarily unemployed you stupid bitch. Not everyone can be expected to meet your insanely shitty standard of life just to make you happy with whether or not they're deserving of things.
I don't have unrealistic expectations, just stability. If that's unreasonable, then fuck them and fuck you.
>>768497950
that's why it's so important to talk to a therapist 'cause when they see it from another perspective you can find solutions much faster, we're stuck in the picture and sometimes a few therapy sessions can figure shit out you couldn't fix stuck in circular thinking worry and anxiety for years about.
Definitely must try it bro.
>>768498007
don't smoke weed in a situation like that, it can really throw you into a very bad negative anxiety spiral, like a super bad panic attack.
Talk to a therapist about it bro, you'll find another girl. You know if she left just like that and didn't even talk to you about it at least then she's not even close to being the one.
A good woman wouldn't do that, no matter how shitty you were for a month. If it was a medication why wouldn't she understand? most good people would.
>>768498012
tl;dr you made some shitty decisions and then let them win, cool.
>Btw, nobody's voluntarily unemployed you stupid bitch
uh-huh, i work in benefits and that's depressingly untrue.
you can rant at me all you want, but blaming other people's not gonna solve anything. probably how you've got yourself in this situation.
>>768497441
She got fired first for calling out
I got fired for being late
but they were deliberately scrutinizing every last minute.
And the last straw wasn't even that I was late
it was that I was late (by just 7-8 minutes) and stayed 30 to make up the time because we can't leave until the managers are ready and I didn't put the actual time I started, or the actual time I left because I only wanted the hours I was scheduled and subtracting a few minutes from the start of my day and adding a half hour to the end on my time card would have looked retarded and been more work for the people in accounting.
All in all, I worked for people who were so full of shit it was oozing out of their mouths.
You can't trust anything someone says if their intent is to fuck you over, it's not like they're gonna confess when you confront them.
"aw gee anon, ya caught me"
>>768497204
welcome back anon
>>768497281
I think its a mix of both, I used to have a drinking habit when I was 16-18, he kind of knew about it but he was an alcoholic for longer. I fixed my life up since then and even quit drugs to some extent and I'm generally better off in life when he was at my age so I feel he might hate me for that now. He thinks of himself as "god" in a weird way, like he's always right and his way is the only way and if he doesn't know something, he'll get either me or my mother to do it for him otherwise he gets irritated and raises his voice. he's very conservative and thinks we still live in the 80's, but a lot has changed since then, he just doesn't want to accept it, cognitive dissonance I believe its called.
>>768497796
I don't know how it works exactly but its possible, apparently the money is WAY better on it, you just have to do some research on it and figure out how the game is played.
>>768497953
Thats great man, hope life is treating you well now! shooting it up was actually the reason I didn't want to try it, I had the urge once but luckily I'm past my 'destructive' stage in life and now just want to find ways to improve it. Kind of a weird shift in life.
>>768498105
I get you, yeah I'll definitely give it more thought now because I feel like I really need it if I'm honest
>>768498296
She told me about her friends telling her to leave me around the start of my new medication. They probably didn't know the full story, only all the bad shit her abusive ex did. She felt like the one. I have rather severe OCD about keeping promises, and I was capable of providing her the daily reassurance that won't ever leave her. I even went as far as promising/swearing. She was so scared to lose me every day. Then she left for a birthday party/sleepover at a friend's and never returned. Of course I start worrying about it. All the stories she's told about how people left her when she went in-patient. Or all the friends that left her as she pushed them away because of mental issues. And then she leaves me because I'm giving her a hard time because of medication. It wasn't even two months yet. I just don't get it. The sudden pulling away and telling me I was toxic for her, that she had to pick her own happiness over me and wasn't responsible for my feelings anymore hurt so much. It feels way worse than what caused me to get depressed in the first place.
I just don't understand.
>>768498296
Also, the last couple of days I smoked weed it pushed the anxiety to the background, even when thinking about us. And in combination with my current medication it is sure to put me to sleep. So I shouldn't do it? It's getting more dark outside, so perhaps the anxiety won't be that much. And I got you guys here around in case things would go bad
>Be me
>8th grade teacher
>School is relevatively upper economic status for a public school
>Have a kid whose sister has been struggling with cancer
>Really been a shitty year for him
>Over the last month we had to accept that his sister wasn’t going to live and there’s nothing the doctors can do
>Two week’s ago he got pulled out of school to go be with his sister in her final moments
It was the most heart breaking shit I have ever seen in my life. When his name got called over the intercom he just broke down and started crying. I let his girlfriend walk up to the office with him and he was trying to be strong. It was just a series of muffled sobs and gasps.
>He came back this week
>This week is like a fun week where the eighth graders get to go to the beach and the nature center
>His parents were hoping it would help distract him
>We get out to the beach
>He’s sitting away from everyone else with his girlfriend
>Mexican student walks up to them
>Next thing I know the kid is beating the ever living shit out of the Mexican kid
>Multiple people have to run over to get him off
>Turns out the Mexican kid was being a complete asshole and said:
>”Your sister was hot, you ever fuck her? Is that why you’re crying like a bitch so much?”
>And he rightfully got his ass beaten for it
>Mexican landwhale mom tries to turn it into a racism thing
>It’s this whole big deal now and it shouldn’t be
>I just feel bad for the kid, I’d have beaten the Mexican half to death too
>>768499540
>tfw when people think 2018 racism is a bigger deal than terminal illness
good on the non-beaner kid
>>768498924
Get it together bitch,
eat right
sleep right
get off your fuckin ass and exercise
and you won't need medication
just confidence
and that'll come if you invest enough time in doing the first three without needing to reach out to people and seek outside perspective on YOUR life.
Learn to be alone for a while, you'll be able to live a better life when you're finally alright enough to be around people again.
>>768491199
There u go
>>768492313
That's kinda motivational tbh
bump