I'm the Devil. Nobody's really gotten it entirely
The stories and information posted here are artistic works of fiction and falsehood.
Only a fool would take anything posted here as fact.
Only a fool would take anything posted here as fact.
I'm the Devil.
Nobody's really gotten it entirely right, but as far as deities and such are concerned, I'm closest to the one you'd call Lucifer or Satan or the Devil.
Ask away, I'm bored and on earth for a few nights.
Beelzebub will Beelzebump with YLYL
>>768079211
dubs this is actually satan
>>768079035
What is the right belief?
If you’re such an entirely, should I assume everything you say is a lie?
Or would it make more sense to assume everything you say is the truth but you know that I think youlll lie, so I would actually believe you, but you planned around my plan and thus told me lies?
>>768079701
There is no right belief, you should accrue as much knowledge as you can so that you can apply critical thinking to every problem you come across, instead of just picking a team.
Yes, I love to sew chaos at times, but right now I'm just making a thread. So I'm not going to lie.
Do you appreciate the work of Jon Nodtveidt?
>>768080101
>Jon Nodtveidt
I was the one that made him say "death is the orgasm of life"
>>768079035
Trips for immortality?
Can we make a deal?
>>768079035
i'll never forgive you for this.
>>768080288
I don't have the ability to grant you immortality. But if you get trips I'll try to send some dirty skanks your way, little ear whispering.
>>768080374
Go on.
>>768080397
I am not responsible for Jews. They think they know God's will. And they're greedy rats.
>>768080482
I want to live above my peers. My name has been forgotten.
I need money, an unlimited supply of it.
>>768079035
Do you only accept souls in deals, or is that myth?
>>768080556
I can't do unlimited, but if you offer me something good enough I can send a windfall your way. Big enough that if you're smart you can turn it into more money.
>>768080601
Nah I just want evidence of what you're willing to do. You have to spill some blood for sure, either your own or someone else's. But hurt someone who deserves it. I'm not intrinsically "bad."
hello.
what’s something you personally as insofar as your biological host has done that has contributed significant discourse?
>just checkin
>>768080826
I don't understand. Do you have the autism?
>>768079910
What is the difference between "sew" and "sow"?
>>768080798
I'm down with karmic justice, but not pain. I'm good for a fair trade, but not eternal damnation. Gotta have boundaries.
Say I wanted to rewind the last 15 years. What would you want?
>>768080798
What would be a sufficient offering for such an amount on money?
different anon btw
>>768079035
Eh my nigga Samael is cooler, fuck off.
Not gonna lie, I feel kinda bad. Guy started an ama thread, and all anyone wants is a deal.
Do you enjoy what you do? Or would you trade all that power for something more mundane?
>>768079035
Imagine actually LARPing on /b/
>>768079035
Could you hurry up and kill me already? I don't even care how anymore. Mauled by wild dogs, car accident, struck by lightning, whatever man just get this shit over with and send me to hell.
>>768080971
You're not hard enough for the devil son
>>768081009
Fuck somebody up, or fuck their life up a little, if they deserve it. If you need a compass, watch Bill Hicks and go after the kinds of people he hates. Revelations and Sane Man were mostly me talking.
>>768081304
So all i need to do is fuck them up a little? No contract needs to be formed? Quite desperate for this money tbh
Want some sympathy or something?
>>768081071
Not real, sorry.
>>768081118
I come here and do shit like this sometimes. Use people as puppets. It's fun, keeps me grounded. Makes me enjoy immortality. I'm content. Thanks, child.
>>768081247
Don't worry. I can't shorten your life much, but you didn't have very long anyway.
>>768081433
Yup, but make sure they deserve it. Nice dubs.
>>768081563
Wait, so there are people that don't deserve to be fucked up out there?
are you evil?
>>768081764
Yeah, people who mind their own business mostly. People who just have fun and don't ruin anyone else's fun. My code is basically just "party, but don't be an asshole"
>>768082311
Already answered. Read thread.
is hell full of hookers and blow?
>>768082917
Not full of them, but they're a lot easier to find and get. Hell is kinda like Vegas, but with demons.
>>768079035
>get kicks by pretending to be a deity on 4chan
>many anons respond
>>768083252
are all the demons gonna try and fuck me over to the point i cant have fun anymore or are they gonna let me fuck drink and snort to my hearts contempt
>>768083330
I don't blame you for dismissing the possibility, but I kinda just find it funny the questions people ask me when I let them.
>>768079035
Assuming this is real, I'm just asking but what do I need to do for a small boost in life, nothing big but I'm failing my classes, I can't pay my dues and I'm worried that if I fall sick I cant do anything about it and overall im kinda worried about where my life is heading, I'm not very open with my religion but I do obviously believe in God so I'm extremely nervous just typing this out, but I need some help. I'm not actually asking for anything now but I wonder what will it take to get a bit of help, I just hope this is just some dumb RP but truth is you never know
>>768083416
The idea is, if you forego sin on earth, you get into heaven. Heaven is no more problems ever, but it's fucking boring.
Hell is a decision. It's just as seedy as any bad part of town, so if you lived your life that way, that's where you have to stay. You never get to rest.
>>768079035
Is it true that the music industry is full of your worshippers?
>>768083567
i imagine paradise to be pretty horrible the place where you cant say shit where you cant have fun and where a creepy stuck up old dude watches your every moves
>>768083528
You have to find somebody who makes life on earth shittier for other people, and you have to make their life shittier. Or just mug them and kick the crap out of them. I just hate people who ruin the party.
>>768083663
Not so much anymore. I like real rockers. Manufactured pop can suck a herpes infested meaty one.
>>768083681
Bingo.
>>768083567
if i go to hell (i assume i probably will) could you like hook me up with a cool job or some shit i work well and learn fast
>>768083755
>>768083433
>>768079211
You know, I can't make dubs happen with my powers. This is just good old fashioned luck.
I've been told you're in the details. Is there any truth to that?
>>768083824
Just don't fuck up the party for anyone who doesn't deserve it, and when you get there you will be seen as cool. That is the most valuable currency besides the actual gold you'll make at the job you will get. We use gold. Little gold sticks like Kit-Kats.
>>768083881
I've been told you like cuckold porn, is there any truth to that?
God here, get a fuckin job.
>>768083971
wait what...theres an economy in hell?! that sounds a bit like bullshit to me what do you even buy with that are you like importing shit from the world of the living cuz if i need to work my ass off in a shitty job even in hell might as well go sit on my ass with the old creep...work is not fun
>>768084239
Interestingly enough, Dogma got it wrong, God doesn't inhabit a human form ever. God's more of a force of nature. Never had a voice, never had a form.
>>768084278
That's the trade off. No rest for the wicked.
>>768079035
So what’s God like? Is he really responsible for any part of the creation of our world as we know it, or was that a misconception of modern monotheism?
>>768084344
ill be the coolest badest hell dwelling hobo i guess
Okay, I can feel this kid's temperature rising a bit dangerously, so I'm gonna leave him for a while and let him sleep.
If somebody gets dubs or better, I'll leave this screen up and the thread he doesn't remember making to freak him the fuck out.
>>768084307
I wasn't asking a question wench.
>mfw hell is America and heaven is Soviet Russia
>>768084022
that was the best you could muster? have fun underachieving for the rest of your life
>>768084523
Roll
>>768084392
God is a sentient force that decided to will the universe into existence. I exist kind of like how antimatter exists, I balance out the universe. God is interested in purity, I'm interested in pleasure.
>>768084523
Roll again
>>768084611
>>768084344
>>768084022
>>768083755
>>768083433
>>768079211
Man I get them gets.
>>768084611
Does he have control over any aspect of the universe, or did he just light the spark and let it burn?
>>768084611
you operate the entire universe on the basis of two, highly subjective human traits?
I've gotten 11, 22, 33, 44, and 55. If I get 666, I'll laugh really hard.
is this nigga dead?
>>768079035
Can I summon you?
>>768084739
He set things into motion with the understanding that he was creating a universe vast and complex enough that it WOULD produce life to observe. He can affect certain cosmic conditions, whenever you get unexplainable weather or earthquakes it's usually him.
>>768084741
We're not perfect. Ironic though that may seem.
>>768084843
I'll take over your body tomorrow at some point. It'll feel like you fell asleep, or zoned out.
>>768084838
Dead, or at least marked. I feel death upon him.
>>768084611
Man, you REALLY seem to presume to know a lot about a deity that came eons before you.
>>768085011
My third pair of 11 dubs.
>>768084611
bullshit your not interested in pleasure if you want to work my ass off working isnt fun you sound just like my grandpa i tought you were a misunderstood fun dude but i now see that i was wrong...ill do my own hell just watch me its gonna be even better than yours its gonna have free blow and hookers no job youll be able to sit on your ass all day and smoke weed and mostly there will not be any stuck up fun sucking assholes
Will I be able to communicate with you?
Do you think Donald will offer all his wealth (including wife and daughter) when you take him back with you in a few days? Could you post the whole pathetic attempt to weasel his way out of this one on YouTube?
>>768085017
Willing the universe into existence was actually the first act of God, so we're the same age.
>>768085040
If you think you can run it better, I invite you to try. You'll be there before long.
>>768085140
really?
>>768084951
You won't like what you'll see :))
>>768084893
Interesting. So basically the entire vastness of space is like a particle accelerator is to humans, a giant apparatus used to study a small phenomenon that happens in certain conditions within that apparatus. What about aliens? Do they go to heaven and hell just like we do?
>>768085069
In Hell, yes.
>>768085086
Trump will die after the presidency. He's got that longevity money. But he'll die alone and afraid, in his heart. And then he'll be mine. He's ruined a lot of parties.
>>768085204
Aliens that have developed sentience have the same basic rules yeah.
Okay folks, this kid's sweating through his pajamas. Poor guy, I possess him because he's fun. I'm gonna let him sleep. Party on, gentlemen. And the one girl that's in here.
>>768085301
oh shit so theres aliens in hell?!
are there any with 3 tits?
>>768085301
Are there alien hookers in hell
>>768085242
>implying that punk bitch has a heart.
You sit on a throne of lies!
>>768085408
What girl? There is no such thing on the internet
>>768085411
Your dubs missed the deadline!
Yes, the universe is a very big place. Other aliens have mammary glands to feed their young, and not all of them have two breasts.
>>768085449
Yes.
>>768085461
She's freaking out right now that I know she's in here.
Goodnight folks
5555
>>768085552
Lole
5555 get
>>768085535
Goodnight Satan
>>768079035
>glitched prices!!!! nons!
>>768085600
>goodnight Satan
>dub zeroes
this thread rules
>>768085535
good night and dont forget to let me try and run the place for a bit when i get there youll see shit is gonna be great!
>>768085535
When will we meet you in person? You seem like a cool guy
>>768085535
G’night Lucy
>>768085535
goodnight sleep tight don't let the candarian demons bite
>>768085096
No the fuck we're NOT!
Bitch, I made you and you were all pussy hurt and jealous of humans just because I stopped paying so much attention to you once I created existence. I'm your father, your mother, and your fuckin 3 older siblings telling you to eat shit.
You WISH we were equals. That's you were all "it's better to reign in hell than to serve in heaven"
which is bullshit, we all know it
but you're WAAAAAAAAAAAYYYYYYYY too proud to ever admit it and I know that's sort of my fault for making you that way but once you create something, it's easier to just let it be because half the time I end up just erasing shit from existence just so I don't have fuck with it for longer than I need to. Believe it or not, I have more important shit to do other than correcting individual beings' flaws.
>>768083971
I really fucking hope this is an rp you're doing. I've had dreams about shit like this, the bars have a symbol, like a rune, on theme that denotes the value and purity of the bar, made from pure sin. I've dreamt of the worst city you could imagine, ripe with crime of all type, corruption, and unease. It's a lot like that saints row dlc, but calmer.
>>768085777
>777
My Lord.
>>768085808
dont worry the guy said i could try and run the place ill throw that bullshit hell economy out the window...why the fuck do you even get money in hell? a tv and 3 bananas? where do they fucking grow theyre bananas or where do they make theyre tv?
>>768085808
Veniam autem ad vos.
VENIAM AUTEM AD VOS.
>>768086173
When you do, make sure you take this fucker Rupert with you. He's hounded me since childhood.
Ok God here why do you worship me assholes everything I put on this planet is made to kill want my job figure out how to sustain life without takin life I'll wait
>>768085777
>god is a petty bitch who swears and makes a bunch of typos
>>768079035
What is the greatest pleasure to you?
>>768087101
Read thread
