I'm invited to a birthday party for a 1 year old and have no fucking clue what to buy. Trips decide what i buy, will post proof. I'll buy literally anything you tell me to.
Diapers are always appreciated.
chicken wings, extra spicy
Diapers, and some baby wipes
Diapers and wipes.
It's not that hard
>>768054374
reroll
>>768054390
roll
>>768054414
roll
https://www.buybuybaby.com/store/product/sophie-la-girafe-reg-teething-toy/1017110357
Expensive teething toy
Microfiber cloths, trust
Buy this child a children's book for the love of God.
Let the kid get read to so they don't turn into one of the disgraceful illiterate iPad-wielding little shits we see outside today.
Extra long black dildo.
>>768054528
Rerolling w baby portable changing pad
<mall0ry> you'll need a diaper where you're going lmao >>768053082
>>768054624
Rerolling with literacy from >>768054589
>>768054502
16 inch double-sided dildo
>>768054785
roll
>>768054785
If you roll trips, I'm doing it.
Chick fill a gift card. $15 will cover a few lunches for Mom and baby, and she'll be thankful you're not overwhelming their house with useless toys.
>>768054213
buttplug and ky jelly. And a 10" dildo for the kid.
>>768054675
A copy of Daddy Daycare and a copy of The Game Plan. Also anything with Will Smith that isnt unrated.
>>768054922
Seconded
>>768054213
The largest buttplug you can find.
Paci/buttplug 2 in 1 combo.
>>768054922
thirdeded
Serious advice:
If they are middle class or higher, I suggest make a donation to a kid related charity like smile train and give them a card. They probably have more than enough toys etc.
If you think they have money problems, ask what they want and get that.
T. Middle class parent
>>768055055
Dorn, so close
>>768055055
Dam so close
John Cena action figure
>>768054589
I’m the charity guy. This is also a good suggestion.
Ignore the joking fuckers and just buy diapers and baby wipes. If you don't understand that those are useful when you have a child you're a retarded cunt.
Dildo
im the dildo guy, ps fuck off charity guy.
OP be a G and get that bish a Costco membersip. Bishes love Costco memberships.
>>768054213
Big box full of jars of pickles
>>768054213
bowl of eggs and tell them to eat it then and there.
https://www.amazon.com/Primal-Hardwere-Krubera-Silicone-Ovipositor/dp/B01HOSMBV6
Doritos
small black dildo
>>768055485
Half finished small bag of Doritos actually
50 box's of pudding mix
roll
You should get them about 10 sets of 2t or 3t pajamas.
>>768055552
Damn I just won right?
>>768054922
rollio
>>768055517
Wel, fuck..
>>768055480
Rerol
>>768055575
Reroll
A pocket pussy.
>>768054213
A gift certificate at a spa. Say something kinda like "well if (baby name) doesn't want it, maybe you (the mom) would enjoy it".
One year old babies don't need things. But that mom would probably love a a massage and whatever else they do at those places.
768055517 won trips
>>768055575
Rereroll
>>768055055
what the fuk, lets roll for this
>>768054213
13 inch black dildo
one of everything off the tacobell menu
Everclear
<thekidsarealright> LETS ROLL KIDS >>768053082
>>768053082
>>768053082
>>768055583
>>768055675
>doesn't know how trips works
welcome to /b/. now gtfo.
a subway sandwich
Chinese finger trap
This is how it feels to get charity as a gift. Dont be like that.
Rolling for gift cards, one for groceries and one to the liqour store, spa, casino, depending on parents interests
>>768055675
Not how trips work, cancer
>>768055660
This
>>768054213
Crotchless panties and a studded leather bra with the nipples cut out.
If the party is at Larz's and you're sleeping there, buy lube for yourself, lots of lube, or it's gonna hurt.
Weapons Grade Plutonium
Fleshlight
>>768055783
Trollololed
>>768054213
Ball gag and pink fuzzy handcuffs
lamborghini
Pocket puspus
ky warming gel
A new sofa
>>768054213
Dime bag of weed and a glass unicorn pipe
>>768054213
Ghost pepper candy, battery acid, spindle of barbed wire, bucket of broken glass from a dumpster, used needle, half drunk bottle of Jack Daniels, some shitty ganja worn around just in your pocket, huge garbage bag, canister of dirty motor oil. ... The usual stuff. Just think about what you would like as a kid.
A puppy!
Half Life 3
>>768054213
DVD copy of "Grateful Grandma's Gangbang"
lifetime pornhub membership
If its a boy's birthday then a pocket pussy
If its a girl's birthday then a double sided dildo
Dew it
Get their house a new lawn, sod+instal
Spend all the time teaching other kids how to put a plastic bag over their head to make a fun mask.
Human Kidney
Gender neutral clothes
>>768054213
Rent anything from a Rent-2-Own, present as gift, and then kek when it is repossessed in a month
a giant dragon dildo
>>768056127
Roll
An eightball for the parents, they're gonna need it
KY Jelly
50 kilos of viagra
Fidget spinner
17inch black dildo
>>768056256
This
>>768056332
oof so close
>>768056127
Rolling
>>768054213
Heroin or Meth - both are pretty popular right now
<ьфд0кндыoЮ щoлдфвыa фвыoa
>>768053082
>>768053082
>>768053082
>>768053082
>>768053082
30 minutes with a gay male escort
>>768056082
Re-roll
https://www.gunbroker.com/item/768792236
you have to buy this
>>768056290
roll
>>768056256
This
>>768056504
reroll
>>768054213
Loli sex-doll
>>768056127
Rollin
Rolling for pocket pussy.
>>768054894
Check em
A sex doll.
Kids like dolls right?
DIY Abortion Kit
>>768056452
ROLL
>>768056556
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA
>>768056556
That stings
>>768056556
FUCK
>>768054213
A blue alien version of the fleshlight
>>768054213
https://www.teeshirtpalace.com/products/all-daddy-wanted-was-a-blow-job-baby-bodysuit?gclid=EAIaIQobChMIj633l7f32gIVRjPTCh0E1Ai3EAkYASABEgIRTPD_BwE
Fleshlight
Rent a scary clown for the party. The creepier the better.
a university education
A bottle of water
An iphone x. Lmao
>>768056645
Rollingg
>>768056504
roll again
>>768056515
roll again
>>768055885
Reroll
>>768054213
A 16 inch black dildo
>>768054292
roll for wings
Iphone x. Lmao
>>768056777
Haha
>>768056777
found it
>>768056777
GODDAMNIT /B/
>>768056748
rolling for a nazi flag
>>768056777
>>768054213
Winnerrrrrrrrrr
>>768056777
>>768056777
WINRAR!!!!
a violin
ha faggot
Pink sex swing
>>768056777
WINRAR
>>768055445
rolling
>>768056777
FUCK YES!!!!!!!!
Enjoy prison OP
>>768056777
Winrar!!!!!!
>>768056777
op won't deliver
>>768056908
Already found the winner bubs.
Carton of Marlboros
>>768056777
Time to deliver OP
OPs fucking face rn
If >>768054213 doesn't faggot out of >>768056777 I'll be shocked.
A pack of tampons with the messege "BIG GIRLS USE THESE" in block capitals
>>768057062
My sides
>>768056777
This should be interesting
>>768057062
fify
reroll
A hooker
>>768054213
>who the fuck is here!!!?
>>768057210
>>768054213
A switchblade, when giving it specify its for the child
>>768054213
Deliver OP you rat bastard
>>768057322
would have laughed if this got trips fucking bots could have finally made a sale
DELIVER
>>768057444
Trips means you must obey quicker OP
https://www.amazon.com/Master-Cock-16-25-Colossus-Dildo/dp/B008WERFUO
Please allow me to assist OP
>>768054213
Dildo
A Mercedes Benz
>>768057716
Why the fuck did I have to click this? It's going to be on my 'selected just for you' section for a month.
>>768054213
breast pump
>>768054213
Get her a roll of duct tape, rope, gags and a nice sharp knife.
>>768054213
Dildo
>>768057716
>>768057444
>>768056777
OP, listen here faggot - you have to deliver. Wrap it up carefully making sure that there is no forensic evidence and buy a couple of other gifts too. Place all gifts on the gift table at the same time so you have plausible deniability later. Ensure you can keep a straight face when the inevitable "who the fuck" happens. Get your story straight in the event that cops are called.
>>768058040
Condoms, lube and an "IOU some cock" note
>>768057808
You’re welcome anon. Enjoy with my regards
>>768055480
What do the eggs do
>>768056777
Not very original, but okay.
>>768056917
I don't mind. The parents probably wouldn't be surprised, I do shit like that to shock people all the time.
>>768056949
Sure i will.
>>768057007
Browsing dildos right now.
>>768057847
desu
>>768058293
https://www.amazon.com/Master-Cock-16-25-Colossus-Dildo/dp/B008WERFUO
>>768058120
They would know its me. There's no limits to the shit I'll do for a laugh and they all know it.
Don't buy her nothing... Everyone ages and the little bitch thinks she deserves stuff just for existing 1 year... Pfft fucking pathetic.
>>768054213
Why the fuck have a party for a kid that can't speak or even form a coherent thought. They won't remember it. It's gonna be all adults and some infants sitting around drooling. Why the fuck do people do this.
>>768058466
this
>>768056504
Fuck 300 dollars
>>768054213
https://bad-dragon.com/products
>>768058492
My thoughts exactly. That's why i thought I'd spice it up a bit by taking gift advice from /b/.
Sharpies
A custom made fursuit
>>768055517
Roll
A miniature sweatshop so she can make her own gift.
150 coat buttons
>>768055805
Why is this considered a toy?
>>768054213
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>>768058495
Chill out, enjoy the party; gift giving is fun!
Trade a homeless guy 5 dollars for his pissy boots and give her those.
>>768059471
a party for a fucking negative fetus? ah-no.
>>768058293
>Pretending you don't have one already
>>768059422
>https://www.amazon.com/Master-Cock-16-25-Colossus-Dildo/dp/B008WERFUO
Kill yourself nigger
>>768054213
duct tape, lube, and condoms
Cloth Diapers, Pat The Bunny, Bottles, Teething Rings, Soft Toys.
Buy her an interesting colourful book about a mischievous yet lovable character.
>>768056127
roll
Diapers and the Bible
The trick is to buy her something that she'll enjoy and will want again soon (that way you know what to buy her in futre)
>>768057413
underrated post
>>768054213
A foot long double dong.
>>768054903
>>768055236
>>768055670
These are good suggestions. I was going to say get the parents a gift card to a liquor store. Remind them that they're fucking adults. But the kid doesn't need more toys and useless crap.
>>768054213
>>768055445
that thread was fucking insane
>>768054213
Grated cheese
>>768055926
>>768056256
This, or an expired car seat off Craigslist or something
>>768054213
a teddy
>>768061949
reroll
Buy a poop hurdur XD
>>768061949
roll
Russian bride
Get a comfy blanket
>>768056777
Buy her a 2 year pornhub membership.
Give her the gift of communism
>>768054213
A nice quilt
Punch the little bitch in the face and tell her the only gift she'll get off you is you'll spare her pathetic insignificant bitch life.
>>768062784
Incel alert.
>>768057808
Kek
>>768054213
Rolling for a Ferrari
C'MON OP
>>768056777
Smh ya'll talking about giant dildos but small dildos with a bunch of lube on the side would be a lot scarier, because there is an implication it could actually be used on the baby.
