Don't own a handgun yet. I wanna shoot targets with my own gun and it's really beginning to get to me that I cannot get one over the summer (unless I pass this hunting exam and buy a shotgun/rifle). All day long I watch hickock45 videos on Youtube, crying inside. It feels like I'm a straight girl and want a boyfriend really bad. A giddy longing.
>>767711172 Got diagnosed with Major Depression disorder a few days ago after trying to overcome it on my own for 2+ years. Always kept in the mindset that I could just get out and have a routine and go to the gym but it didnt work. 6"1, 95kg, mostly muscle.
>Got prescribed Prozac (im an ausfag so Prozac is a bit of a meme in the US I believe.)
Hopefully it doesnt make me feel worse as it has with so many other people I know. I'm on 20mg a day and I really want to avoid Xanax because I used to take them before I drank when I was younger and actually had a real job to afford that shit. Cheers for asking anon.
I tryhard to raise my kids right and give my wife what she needs (which changes randomly) when she needs it. She goes off on me about stupid unimportant shit. She has issues so I understand where its coming from to an extent. Wtf am I supposed to do. Iam not jesus. My patience and forgiveness is finite.
>>767711741 Not gonna tell you how to raise your kids or how to treat your partner, but know that we're all human with our own problems. (you already knew that.) The best thing you can do is let go of everyone elses problems and accept that things will be bad regardless of what you do. Not saying give up, but just let the waves wash over you and steel yourself like a stone. Yes its infinitely harder in practice then on paper, but it really is the only real practical thing you can apply to your life that increases everyone elses quality 10x fold.
Sometimes people, when they have something that has angered/hurt/annoyed them they tend to offload onto others subconsciously which may be the case with your partner.
Nothing major or pressing. Trying to get involved in something that will pay me enough to be able to afford dropping SSI after bashing my brains in some years ago in an accident. >>767711741 Your situation is what has kept me from marriage/children for my 31 years. I REALLY want that life after watching my grandparents act like high school sweethearts until the bitter end. That shit was unbelievably heartwarming. I really want that
> wife left bc I didn’t make enough money > took as much as she could before she did > I’m also disabled, health going downhill > lost my job, can’t work, can’t wash my own dishes or much of anything else meaningful > can’t even afford to feed my cat > I’m going to die in my sleep alone at age 31 and nobody on earth will realize I’m gone
>>767713339 i mean you can learn from online guides, then sell it online by selling drug purity testing kits and then selling the product as well in person. youd be hitting the right demographic and no need for connections.
>>767712612 Having kids is amazing but regardless of the strength of your relationship. Its hard af. Everything changes..i know its cliche but its true. Supporting eachother and communication is key but its not always enough because ppl show their true colors under stress
>>767712928 I know. I've accepted it will probably never happen, but I'm gonna keep lookin' just in case. I have no room to bitch though, I'm a decent looking guy who has 0 social issues so it COULD happen
>>767711172 How I'll spend the next 60 years dying. I was an accident, not my fault. I can try to "fix" it, but it's like pissing in an ocean of piss. There's nothing I can do. Nothing. There is no fix. Took some time for me to realize why some people just don't have the care in their eyes. I get why people just walk away. I'm going to take my piece of the pie, step on all the grubby fingers, and feed those who deserve some. No more of this brainlet shit. Maybe I'll have a kid of my own and try to raise them right. Probably not. But that's it. I'll fuck off and lie still.
Last week, i had to work on my day off in exchange for a different day off. i agreed and thought it would be the end of it. supervisor asked if i really wanted to work on my day off, i said not really so then she told my coworker/friend that they could work those days while i took my regular days off. last saturday, when it's our busiest days, im on the register and busy with some customers. coworker/friend then tells me that the supervisor asked if i could go back to working on my day off, because they didnt want to. i told them that i wasnt sure, but to remind me again (because i tend to forget things easily) after we closed. I wasnt reminded then and on sunday, i came in morning shift while friend/coworker worked night. i left before i could see them and forgot again. on my day off, i got a text from my other coworker who was asking me where i was. I was reminded at that moment of what they were talking about, to which i didn't have any clean uniforms and couldn't make it in, so they asked my friend/coworker to come in instead. the next day, im given paperwork saying that i didn't come in, and when my supervisor asked why, i explained that i really had thought that friend/coworker was coming in, but my supervisor said that wasn't the case and that friend/coworker had said that i would tell them later, but they said they had asked me multiple times, which friend/coworker didn't do. so, it's been three days since then and friend/coworker is giving me the silent treatment and not even addressing me, which, because i'm an aspie with a lot of shit wrong with my emotions, is killing me because this is the first friend i've made organically and the first friend i've actually come to enjoy my time at work with. now i'm going to work with shitty feelings and emotionally unstable. I could apologize about it and try to explain myself, but I think that would make it worse. I'm just in a pit of...anxiety I guess because I'm blaming myself for everything.
>>767714408 That sounds rough, mate. But it sounds to me that everybody has just forgotten the episode entirely. You might be getting hung up on it and thinking everybody is obsessing about it for the past several days because that's what you're doing. You'll find people are quick to forgive and forget. Best you do the same on this one.
>>767714748 80mph if arms are wide open. Increased drag lessens the critical terminal velocity of ~120mph.
I walk around at night to try and clear my head because my thoughts are the reason I’ve hated life for the last 5 years. I’ve only ever had friends online and it sucks more than anyone realizes. I told a girl I met online I have feelings for her and she brushed them off, we showed down on talking to each other, and I’m at a point where everyone I used to talk to doesn’t talk to me anymore.
I’m a neet who doesn’t get neetbux and I basically just wake up, surf the web, and sleep, I have interests but I have no energy for anything.
I’m sure I could change this all but I’m so self destructive. I’m only 20 and hate life more than I could put into words.
>>767714967 Grease would do nothing. The rocks in the pockets is a very intriguing idea. I like it, and it would certainly increase both your terminal velocity (regardless of drag) and the confusion of people on the ground. Though, if you do this in any semi-responsible manner, it should be easily deduced that you did want to kill yourself.
Fucking taxes man. I have to spend money on an accountant so he can tell me how much I have to pay the government to continue to import fucking savages from the 3rd world. And to pay for all the fucking human cattle who can’t be bothered to work so sit on their arses watching day time TV and pumping out unwanted children named “Mackenzie” who are just doomed to repeat the hole fucking cycle all over again, probably having there upkeep paid for by my future children.
Seriously just wonder what would happen if we went back to some Victorian social order and these people either worked or just died
>>767715581 Or you could man the fuck up and change your fucking life /b/ro. Ditch the dead weight and aim for happiness and success. Dont let anything or anyone stand in your way. Or you could stay the same and end up like her.
Thought so, my dad used to be off his chops on coke all the time. Used to abuse me and my mom. Took me a few years to get out of it. It's horrible, for 10 years I moved ever year. Every year i'd put my life into a box and get beaten, cos dad snorted all the rent money and took it out on me and mom. Totally broke me as a person.
Until I gave myself purpose, do you have other relatives?
>>767715876 no, I’ve thought about just leaving everything and moving to another state but I have no money and no way to leave, I’ve tried keeping a job for longer than a week but it’s hard when I don’t have a car or bike to get anywhere I feel like if I had friends maybe I would t hate life so much but idk where to make friends now that I’m not in high school I’ve posted all the time in area code threads but no one ever replies to me
>>767711172 Just got out of a 5 year relationship, i thought that's what was holding me back in this job i don't like and bad living situation and what was making me unmotivated. But now its past that point and i think i just lack motivation in general, and thinking of my ex just further ferments my lack of interest in any further relationships and life goals.
>tldr Basically im unmotivated and my past relationship makes me not want to have another relationship, be social etc.
>>767716124 >I’ve thought about just leaving everything and moving to another state
Good, that's your new purpose. Do you live in a big city? I'm going to impart a pearl of wisdom here that I hope for your sake you take to heart. Please anon do not go looking for happiness in others. I know, sounds odd but I promise you, it will end badly. First and for most you gotta be happy with you, hard man I know but people see depression and flee. It sounds cliche and wishy washy but please learn to love yourself, start working out, push ups, sit ups what ever. What ever gets that feel good endorphin rush, something that isn't jerking off (No offence). If you have to walk 5 miles to work there and back, do it. I can hang around and talk to you a while. I've gotta sleep soon though I've being awake for 3 days. I non of this makes sense I'm sorry but It's like I've got a perma concussion.
>>767711707 I hope the meds work for you anon >>767716565 Im this anon and ive been feeling pretty crap for about a year now, even before that relationship ended. Think im just unhappy with the way my life went and im not sure where id want it to go to make me happy
>>767716586 I live in LA and hate it here, I want to live somewhere I can make an earning and not have to have 3 jobs just to barely get by. I hear other anons tell me this too “don’t look for happiness in others, you gotta like yourself” but I can’t see past it. I just feel so lonely and tired, I’m desperate for human contact irl. I’ve started talking walks at night for 2 days now but they havnt helped, I want to work out more and more, slowly but I don’t see a point in it when I’m not trying to look good for anyone. I feel like I’ve come to a point where I don’t care about anything and just desperately need others. Don’t stay up any longer anon, you can sleep. I’m sure I’ll see you around another time.
>>767711172 Girlfriend's family drives me to misery, but she herself is what I want and adore in a relationship.
I suppose it's my fault. I stuck around, I saw the signs, I was warned by multiple people. I followed my love for her and now I'm just as much caught in the mud as she is. I could leave, leave her, leave it all behind. The mere idea of leaving her to her family, though? They're fucking sociopaths who think of nothing but themselves. They do something good, and it's only so they can leverage it as guilt later. It's disgusting. Honestly, they're some of the most reprehensible people I know. Well and truly.
>>767717035 >I want to work out more and more, slowly but I don’t see a point in it when I’m not trying to look good for anyone.
Nah man there it is, your looking good for you, that's where it starts. I know man, I've being there you just want someone to talk to a friend. The dangerous thing here and like with me is that need for friends got me used and abused by people i didn't need in my life anyway. I'm 30 now, lived around the world. It all starts with the man in the mirror. I don't mean to tell you your business and I wish I was on your neck of the woods, cos I've being there man and you like me can escape it.
Sorry mate, painkillers biting and I can finally sleep. Take care anon and please look after yourself, you'll there.
>>767711172 Ruptured a disk in back while working and workman's comp. is being a bitch about paying for treatment
they found a doctor that can take a look at an M.R.I. of my fucked back and say with a straight face "your fine go back to work"
Now I'm waiting on a court date for a judge to look at this bullshit I have multiple doctors saying I need a fusion vs their one shitty doctor (that coincidentally one of my doctors trained him) saying i'm fine.
In the meantime i'm not getting payed shit and my back hurts like a son of a bitch
>>767717900 >>767717900 get medicinal cannabis and chronic pain.. same things happened to me but id say honestly ive only been in chronic pain maybe a handful of hours out of my entire life but weed would still be nice what do you think
My girlfriend's mom got beaten and raped by a methhead. Methhead knows my sister who is a fellow methhead so when my GF went down to stay at her mom's house to support her and this dickhole started mouthing off and sending messages that he was going to beat her too.
So here we go again with the meth heads vs me game. I put a 12ga deer slug through the door of my sister's car when she came with a gang member one day, they fucked with me for too long. Shit's fucking terrifying; they're literally scum of the earth and will lie, cheat and steal their way to fucking your life over.
I messaged him telling him he needs to back up before shit gets serious, fucking hope he just scares off and doesn't engage with me. Afraid of the legal system reaming my asshole for defending my family.
I'm having a shortage of money, and I need to pay rent to my mom, as well as the other services, and some allowance to pay for the food because I can't havd anything from my own house without paying for it; I'm surprised I'm not charged for breathing inside the house Bah, wish she had kept her word and kicked me out of the house right away as I told her that I dropped out of uni
>>767714408 I know this would be a very difficult thing for you, but you should talk about it with your friend and your supervisor. Even if you just totally spill your guts and apologize even if you don't feel like you did anything wrong, just talking about it will make you feel better I think.
Honestly my biggest problem right now is acne. I've had it for around a decade, tried every otc medicine and I've been to the doctors several times. Currently using epiduo forte. Next step is booking an appointment with a dermotologist and probably going on accutane.
I know acne doesn't sound like that big a problem but after 10 years it's slowly whittled my confidence down to nothing. I don't go out anymore, I've failed courses because I couldn't bring myself to leave my room enough. My entire life seems to be based around minimising breakouts. I have an appointment with a counselor booked in a couple of weeks, so hopefully that will help.
It hurts to think how dark my life has become and how much of it I've wasted.
I'm in a research lab at my University, and I need to write this fucking paper for the end of the semester project, but I don't want to do it.
My professor also wants me to continue doing work, but I have 2 finals next week that I haven't looked at shit for, so I'm not gonna be able to do anything till they're done, save for draft this fucking paper, which she's gonna peel apart like she did the last one.
I'm just gonna have to let her know that I'm finished doing my work in the lab and she needs to go ahead an hand the project off to someone else. I've been on this for a year, and am ready to move on. Hell I graduate in a week, so technically I'm done. I really don't care if she doesn't give me an A at this point, just as long as I don't fail the damn class. I also need a letter of recommendation from her for med school, which I feel like she's dangling over my head till I get this shit done.
Goddammit. I want to do it, but it's a pain in the ass going into the lab we're collaborating with and getting my balls broken about some shit I didn't even do. Finished dealing with this bullshit.
>>767722374 I also only have like $25 till Monday when I get paid, so I'm roughing it this weekend, just focusing on studies and nothing else. I have plenty of other problems, much deeper than these are the most pressing at the moment. Somehow I feel like they're gonna get worse pretty soon.
>>767711172 I try to live a pretty problem-free life. If I have a problem I either deal with it, or accept that it's just part of life and figure out how to go on despite it
The only problem currently weighing on my mind is that my girl and I are trying to get pregnant and it's more difficult than we thought. We've been at it for 4 years and no luck.
In November 2015 she got pregnant for 5 weeks and miscarried. She didn't get pregnant again until October 2017 when she miscarried at 3 weeks. We went to a fertility specialists from April to July of 2017 who gave us clomid but otherwise didn't help anything, and we didn't get pregnant despite following a strict sex schedule. We're seeing a new specialist now (since April 2018) who tried us on femara and performed regular vaginal ultrasounds to ensure a follicle was growing. Today at 6pm I'll be administering a shot of ovidrel to my wife to help the follicle drop, then we're going to have sex again (I haven't gotten off in 3 days). Then on Monday we're going into the clinic where I'll give a semen sample, they'll perform a full sperm wash (removing the extra proteins and shit so it's just a pile of sperm) and we're going to try IUI. We'll also get to have sex either Monday or Tuesday, after the IUI.
Because it's so close to crunch time right now my diet, sleep, and exercise are all REALLY important. I need to make sure I stay healthy and that I'm able to perform at exact times. It's been painful not masturbating for 72 hours, and it's going to be hard as hell to not masturbate tomorrow knowing that my wife is a day away from getting my semen clinically injected.
Back in 2005 it was just a place where normal people posted funny, interesting, or surprising things with the intention of sharing them with their friends. It was like a "look what I found" or "look what I did" or "look what I made". So it was full of videos that people actually wanted to watch
When Google bought them the first order of business was to FLOOD the site with ads. Banners ads above, to the right of, and below all videos, video ads before a video plays, pop-up ads in the middle of a video, etc. They wasted $2 billion on a site that was only valued around $20 million so they felt they needed to act fast to recuperate it.
The ads have in some ways gotten better and in some ways gotten worse. They no longer flood the site with them, but now they play 3-minute long videos before your 2-minute long content. Plus they've just proven how fucking creepy they are with handling your personal information.
Shortly after the ad revolution Google started pushing for accelerated mobile pages, progressive web apps, etc. This meant they re-coded, re-designed, and re-architect-ed every one of their services. Including YouTube - for the worse. Material Design fonts means that if any one element fails to load, you get NOTHING. That's what you're experiencing now. Slow internet, a server-side issue, a caching bug, or even trying to load a non-existent video. All of these give you BustedTube.
Then they made YouTube even worse: by introducing their machine learning recommendation algorithm. Which basically means their shitty feedback loop powered by a piss-poor analog for human suggestions. "You watched ONE Katy Perry video? Instead of showing you music videos or things with a similar sound or vibe or things your friends watched... have EVERY Katy Perry video!" Don't ever make the mistake of watching something like Veritasium. You'll never see another video in your life.
>>767723931 Finally after all of that, corporations realized there was money to be had in YouTube that they were missing out on. Leave it to corporate America to ruin everything in the name of profits.
In 2005 a new video was uploaded maybe every hour. In 2013 a new video was uploaded maybe every minute - because YouTube had grown dramatically in popularity and after being purchased by Google it was heavily marketed. In 2018 a new video is uploaded every second -- but they aren't of any substantial quality. It's all click bait that's been carefully designed to entice or intrigue people, usually with titles like "TOP 10 X" or "WHY YOU SHOULDN'T Y" or "THE TRUTH BEHIND Z". It's like those fake news articles that give you viruses if you click them, but instead they just rot your brain with trash.
YouTube isn't a bunch of college kids making channels because they find it interesting and want attention. It's paid actors doing daily performances to create brain-melting videos with no content in an attempt to garner as many viewers as possible so that corporations can get a slice of that ad revenue.
>>767724115 The sad truth is that I don't know of a good hole on the internet anymore.
4chan is full of children who heard about this site in their local school paper, all of whom just come here to spread porn or make 30 YLYL threads.
YouTube is full of corporate shills and thousands upon thousands of brian-rotting trash videos whose intention isn't to educate or entertain but to trick you into staring mindlessly at ads.
StumbleUpon was co-opted by corporations for marketing so now instead of finding interesting new sites you jump from one corporate website to another as they try to sell you their products.
Reddit was NEVER good. Its entire design doesn't allow for discovery, discourse, or conversation. Rather than a fluid conversation it's just a reply tree and the ability to downvote or upvote means the entire place is nothing but one big feedback loop. Things either "go viral" because one person up-voted it and groupthink mentality caused everyone else to want to support it, or they burn in a fire and are never seen again because one person downvoted it. And whether it gets an upvote or a downvote is at the whim of people who feel more powerful and self-righteous than Tumblrinas - because they made their own subreddit and they want to be god-moderators of their domain.
The one upside I see to all of this is that as the internet gets worse and worse it just gives me an excuse to get offline. I've been riding my bike a lot more, going to the movies more (although that's mostly shitty remakes attempting to bank on nostalgia. Literally EVERYTHING in theaters right now is "part 2" or "part 4" or "part 8"), I've started to teach myself Chess (I was never good at it), etc
Accumulated about 9k in credit card debt over several cards, and have been struggling to pay it off. Every time I get it down a decent junk some unplanned shit happens, which puts me right up there again. (Computer broke, car broke down, etc.)
So this shit keeps going and going, preventing me from saving substantially. Only plan I have at the moment is to attack the cards one by one head on and once each card is paid off, cancel them. Will probably take me at least 6-10 months
>>767724946 Just live cheap and be patient. I was in your situation, anon. I got my first credit card when I was 18 so I could start building up credit, and at first I was VERY careful what I put on it since I was terrified of interest. I spent maybe $200 a month on that card and paid it off the next day.
Eventually, though, shit happened. Someone slammed my car in a parking lot and my insurance said they'd reimburse me for the repair but I had to front the bill myself. My apartment flooded and the landlord said he'd pay to fix the apartment but not my shit that got ruined. I got extremely sick and had to go to a doctor. When I called my parents and asked for financial advice for handling these situations my father said "that's what credit cards are for"
So by the time I was 20 I had roughly $6,000 in credit card debt. I'd work my ass off, live off of ramen, and pay it down... to $5,500... then there'd be some big emergency and it would pop back up to $6,000
This continued until I was 28. For 8 years I felt like I was just terrible at managing money because every time I'd pay my card down, it'd go right back up. Sometimes it was real emergencies, sometimes it was manufactured ones (friend's birthday, I can't NOT get them a gift). But regardless of the reason, no matter how cheaply I lived, I couldn't get my debt to go down. Worse yet, by 28 it was around $12,000
Then I got my big break. I got a new job that paid $15,000 more than my old one. After taxes it's only about $250 extra a week -- but I put ALL of that towards my card and it's been slowly coming down. I'm down to $8,000 now and well on my way to paying it off in a couple of years.
I've now come to realize that floating debt is just part of being young. When you're young you make less money, but you also have more expenses (because you don't own a fridge, or a grill, or a mixing bowl, or plates, or silverware, or bath towels, or a vacuum... so you're making these once-in-a-lifetime purchases)
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