Why am I always TOO honest? just recently told my gf who I’m madly in love with that I jerked off to pictures of my ex before deleting them. She’s upset, not furious or anything but she feels hurt. Why couldn’t I have kept cool and said nothing.
because you're an oblivious and unaware human that needs to learn basic social awareness. Hope you do everything you can to make it up to your poor gf - must be a real blow to her feelings to hear that sorta shit.
It came up because we were talking about people’s nudes being leaked. She says she deleted everything of her ex and asked if I did. She said if I didn’t she’d understand. I told her I did, which is true. But then a day later I feel guilty for not elaborating that I deleted them after we were already dating and fapped to them before the mass delete. Why couldn’t I have just stuck with “yup, I deleted them”
>>767533234
Yeah, feelings are hurt. She said she’s not mad and forgives me, but she’s upset obviously. I’ve been told a million times to not be sooo honest. I just let things sit on my consciousness. Fuckin sucks.
And I do it ALL the time. My current job asked a lot of in depth convos about past drug and alcohol history and I fuckin spewed way more info then I had to. Took me forever to get hired because of it.
>>767533342
make an effort to change. It's possible to be an honest person without going in unnecessary detail. You're lucky your gf is a good enough person to try her best not to blame you. Just do your best to make sure something like that never happens again.
>>767533564
Which I’m confident it won’t. Just wish I had kept my trap shut. Thankfully she’s not really mad, but I’m worried it will change the dynamics of our relationship. I’ve never been in a better relationship so I hope I didn’t fuck it all up.
Granted I would have been hurt too but I for one actually appreciate the honesty at least anon.
I mean why though? Like I don't care if my bf jerks off to a model or a woman that I know is pretty much unattainable to him but if he were to not only jerk it to someone he knows let alone use to fuck with would really upset me...basically would make me feel like he missed that person
>>767533834
I suppose the why is pretty simple. She was attractive, I was deleting them and in the moment I guess my thought process was well it’s not much different than porn. Perfect example of thinking with ma dick. And yeah she said she appreciates me being honest, and that my honesty is why she’s not mad. I’m just hoping it’s something she can move past and our relationship can continue as it has been. Sounds like your a femanon, do you think this would be something you could move past or would it always stick in the back of your head?
>>767534069
I actually get it and I've noticed guys don't really think the same kind of way that girls do.
There's been a few times were my bf has sort of inadvertently hurt my feelings(honestly just little things) and I can tell he was genuinely clueless about it but he's good at learning from it and being more careful with how he says things so I'm glad he takes the time to learn what makes me tick.
But your question Depends really.
How long have you guys been together?
Should I be less honest and not volunteer info that’s not asked, or should I just keep on keeping on?
>>767534342
I'm a dude and I'd be pretty hurt if my gf said the equivalent of what OP said. It wouldn't really kill the relationship, but it'd probably stay somewhat in the back of my mind for the rest of the relationship or at least a long amount of time. Especially considering OP did it while he was already dating his gf.
>>767534457
Keep being honest, but stop giving out information that could hurt the other person unless it's important or asked for. Wouldn't feel nice if your gf said "hey the other day when I said your muscles were a turn on, I didn't actually tell the whole truth. Your dick is a turn off." She wouldn't be dishonest to withhold that information, just aware of how that could effect her partner.
>>767534342
Only 6 months. We both came out of very long relationships, and we have a ton in common. We clicked right away, value a lot of the same things. It’s been a really awesome relationship, very open in every sense. This is really the first bump in the relationship so far.
>>767534568
Yeah, that’s what I’m thinking as well. Like I was honest when she asked if I still had pics, but she never asked about when I deleted them or anything like that so it wasn’t necessary to divulge that information. For what ever reason it got me thinking about it and it started bugging me. Woulda bugged the shit out of me for awhile if I didn’t say something.
>>767534584
Ah i see. Putting my own relationship into perspective yours is Still pretty fresh.
You see my bf and I started out as fuck buddies and after 5 months we decided to be actual bf and gf. He was the kinda guy who was used to being in a relationship period so in the beginning he almost had no idea how to be a boyfriend to me. He was nice to me and didn't fuck other women but those were basically the only things he understood about what to do.
There was a night where we were at a party and he got drunk. He stupidly smacked a girls butt who won a game of beer pong. I was livid, the other girl was livid and surprise the other girl had a bf lol. It took seeing me pissed and the guy getting in bed face to realize he done fucked up but he was so drunk he couldn't even properly handle what was happening so he sort of "turned off" and staggered away very upset with himself.
I stormed out and walked home and he followed and it even though I was mad it was sort of sad to see him so drunk trying to grasp the severity of him realizing what he did was a bad thing.
Before I knew it he actually started crying and this guy was pretty stone cold so seeing that made me a bit less mad.
I ended up forgiving him i had to take care of him that night because he was throwing up over and over due to the alcohol and stress he was feeling
I had to remind him what he did the next day because he didn't remember and he beat himself up for a while for it.
I forgave it but even now (almost 4 years later) I still remember it but. I now use it as a joke against him rarely.
So I forgave him because I understood he was still adjusting to the "what's no okay to do" ways of a relationship.
Had he done that shit TODAY I would be gone lol
So your relationship is still young but just take this early stage to really meant what's good and bad
>>767535096
Used to NOT being in a relationship***
>>767535096
Learn what's good and bad**
Jeez all these stupid typos
>>767535096
You think I should go buy her some flowers or something as an apology, or just not bring it up again and let it die. And yeah things are fresh with us, but they have been moving quickly. I already know once some time has oassed I want to marry her. We’ve talked about living together and we are already telling one another we love each other. There’s kinda a lot to how the relationship started that just made things blossom really fast, which is why I feel as bad as I do.
Any further input? Apology flowers or not bring it up and hope it dies?
>>767535373
When did this happen exactly? If it's been a few days of say just not being it up and just be good to her and work on bettering yourself for the sake of both of you.
If it's fresh then for ME personally I enjoy heart felt apologies and explanations. I'm not really one for material items as a "sorry".
Like if I were your gf (though I mean we are 2 different minds so I'm not going to garuntee any outcomes) id enjoy hearing something like
"Hey I'm sorry about what happened and I know you might not even really want me to bring it up but I need to because I want you to understand the way I was thinking. Firstly I don't want you to think I miss my ex because I don't. When I did what I did there was no emotional attachment behind it. I want to continue being honest with you and if I'm being honest here I was honestly just bored and wanted to get a cheap and easy release. I don't want you to think I don't find you appealing either because trust me you know id prefer you anyday over some shitty picture and to me that's all it was.
I don't want what happened here to make me feel like I can't be honest with you when it's really what matters most to me. You have every right to feel hurt and it's my fault that I didn't think of it the way you would have and I'm truly sorry for that and I can promise you that I've learned from it and I'm not going to do something like that again. You're everything to me and id hate to have anything so stupid and a pic of a dumb whore mess that up."
Now this is something I'd like to hear..its long but I enjoy hearing a long explanation. I love hearing my bf pour his heart out and may be it's just me but I enjoy him attempting to make me smile while he apologizes and nothing makes me smile more than him saying that his ex is a dumb whore lol
>>767536179
Haha she’s too nice for the dumb whore line to work. But it happened probably like 8 or 9 hours ago. She’s sleeping now, so I won’t be saying anything until the morning. But I did tell her a lot of what you said. I told her that she’s amazing to me and that I just wasn’t thinking of it as anything but porn. I did tell her I have no interest in being back with my ex, and that it would never happen again. She said she forgives me but maybe I should try to give her a little bit of a longer explanation. I was working when I brought it up to her and a lot was going on so didn’t have a whole lot of time to discuss it. We did talk a couple times after words and I had her laughing so I guess that’s good.
>>767536531
I think if she's laughing that's a good sign...i know if I was still upset at my bd I would not be laughing even if he was saying some funny ass shit.
It's safe to say i think she truly does forgive you but know that she won't ever forget. It's basically impossible. The nest thing you can do though is treat her good and you will push that thought deeper and deeper into the pit if her brain.
Right now it's fresh so it she might space out a lot because she's probably thinking of it but now you just have to manage to create better thoughts for her to think about so she doesn't have to focus on it.
If you try too hard too fast though it might make her see you as more guilty and she might think you had a deeper connection to the photo than what you said
(To girls if you try too hard to fix a problem then they think the issue was deeper than you admitted it to be and youre just being overly nice to hide your own extreme guilt)
But tomorrow even the smallest things can work wonders. Asking her how work was, offering if she wants to get some Starbucks with you, asking her if she wants to go anywhere to just get out of the house....things like that.
Don't gotta pack those all into 1 day either.
And if she wants to say something like "are you doing this because of what happened?"
Then it's ok to be honest and say "well I feel bad that I made you so upset and I know you forgive me and all but I'm just using this as a learning experience that I should remember to make you feel loved"
>>767537063
Thanks for some solid advice! Been coming to /b/ for a long time and I’ve asked for a lot of advice about different things....this may be one of if not the only times the majority of responses weren’t “stop being a pussy” or “anhero” or something along those lines. Much appreciated!
>>767537539
No problem. I give advice on here a lot. I like helping others. I've had a lot of experiences in my life so i like to take what I've learned and give it to others.
Hope it all works out anon
>>767533799
It will sit on her mind forever. Ur really dumb btw. Bitches will find ways of getting even. She'll use that whenever she finds a dude at a bar and fuck him at the chance she could and never tell you. Keep your mouth shut you fucking square.
>>767537841
Now there’s the response I was expecting.
>>767537669
Thanks again!