Lonely drunk and depressed on a friday. Feels thread?
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Only a fool would take anything posted here as fact.
Lonely drunk and depressed on a friday. Feels thread?
gucci gang
>>753289565
I hate feels threads but I am lonely and drunk and depressed on a Friday.
>>753291854
I try to talk to girls but im ugly. Fucking life sucks
>>753289565
how much did u drank?
i drank 2 liters beer and i am not even drunken
and not depressed, because i am lucky that i can die on the ocean on a sailing yacht
or keep on living my life while drink beer and smoke weed. not perfect but amusing
>>753292274
Keep telling yourself that
I have no bf and I had 3 panic attacks. Life sucks ass :(
(not gay I'm femanon)
>>753289565
>>on a friday
Its friday?
>>753292769
you know the rules. tits with timestamp or gtfo
>>753292769
show bobs?
>>753292769
rule 31
>>753289565
me too anon. on the 1st I'm gonna be homeless b cause of shit job and no friends
>>753292144
The whole world doesn't revolve around women.
I've had more sex with so many different women than most people will in a lifetime but I'm still miserable and alone.
I don't know what the answer to the problem is... but I know it's not women.
>>753292769
I love you and see a doctor
>>753293263
I love you and try to get on social programs or reach out to family. If that fails go to a church (but keep in mind that they will judge you for using drugs or alcohol)
>>753293468
what du you truly want to do?
>>753293468
It's about fulfillment. Whether it be a job, drugs, women, or anything else, we all want something that makes us happy. Maybe women aren't doing it for you. Try something else. I love you
>>753289565
Everything in my life should be making be super depressed but I’m not. Can’t you acquire the fuck it mindset anon? Sheez...
>>753292769
Mindfulness meditation and cognitive behavioral therapy anon, do those until your anxiety is under control, I did, so can you.
![[002076].jpg](https://i.imgur.com/FoPqaDm.jpg "[002076].jpg")
>>753293544
If it were only that easy. I love you too
>>753289565
only /b/
>>753293697
If only it were that easy
>>753293747
There's always some way to survive. Hang in there anon <3
Girlfriend is very hesitant to move into intimacy, any tips?...besides rape
I'm on my 4th steel reserve for the night. This hangover is going to suck
>>753293954
Give her time, cuddle with her and show her that you're not in a hurry.
You should still show her that you find her attractive, but rushing things won't end in a good time.
>>753293954
Talk to her and see where her mind is at
Here's some music to be depressed to https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qlnIkLw9es4&t=24s
I have tquila and will probably buy some cigarettes. I have a family but listening to old time tracks I used to listen is my high nowadays. I could pay a prostitute but it feels to unnatural.
>>753289565
> pull out bottle of butterscotch liquer that I've been working on for a few days
> I opened it and drank out of it about a month earlier then forgot about it in my closet
> don't feel drunk really but head hurts and feel nauseated
Will sugary alcohols ferment into methanol if I don't drink them quick? I'm kind of concerned.
>>753294354
Was the taste off?
If not you're fine and even it it were you're probably still fine.
>>753294354
Nah, the alcohol will dissolve the sugar >>753294247
drink more
Not lonely, I have you fag fucks, getting drunk, stoned as fuck, have to work tomorrow at 4 am, car is Fucking up after running over an already hit deer. Happy Days
>>753294482
I dunno, it still tasted like butterscotch, it tasted like it tasted yesterday and I was fine then. Color's fine too.
>>753294553
Thanks, man. I'm gonna jump over to Vodka, though. Just in case it was poison haha.
>>753294746
If it tastes and looks fine, it just anxiety trying to fuck you over, you're fine anon.
>>753293954
Have u tried getting her drunk?
snowed in. spend most of my days feeling like shit. haven't gotten laid in five years. cant seem to find direction or enjoyment in anything. made 120$ this week at my shit job. no car. no close friends. no texts on the phone for bout a week now. only people that call are my mom and my job occasionally. at least rents paid this month. not sure what im going to do next month
>>753294853
> anxiety trying to worm its way into drinking too now
Holy christ. Anyone else here know the feel?
>>753295573
atleast your mom stays in touch. Some people dont even have a mom that cares. Dont take that for granted. Love you anon
>>753295715
I know that feel
>>753293589
I have no idea.
I just want to be happy and make my family proud.
>>753293652
Women haven't been in my life for the past 3 years.
The only woman in my life now is my mum and she's fucking awesome.
I just want to be as awesome as I was years ago... I peaked too early and now I'm a 30 year old nothing.
I love you too.
>>753295715
Yeah, I used to have anxiety induced agoraphobia, it's didn't really matter what substance I imbibed, the anxiety would be there to sour it.
Then I got into cognitive behavioral therapy and mindfulness meditation.
The anxiety is almost gone, but I'm still depressive and might have autism on top of it.
Tried starting a new education last month, lasted two days before the stress had me in tears.
At least I still drink and smoke weed casually, dealing with an actual addiction would be the cherry on top I didn't ask for.
>>753295899
id almost rather she didnt. she's waaaay too emotional and over the top. its overcompensation for neglect and not being a decent parent when she should've been. she doesnt really know how to care about people. its all show, and over acted
I haven't seen my ex-girlfriend in person for a few months... today I logged into FaceBerg and saw she posted photos of her with her ex-boyfriend before me. Looks like they're back together. It's why I'm drinking right now.
The worst thing is that for all the shit she put me through before she left me (I had the last laugh when she pulled out all the stops trying to make me take her back and I told her no anyway but somehow that's not very comforting), the worst thing is that I stayed with her as long as I did because I was afraid she'd leave me. That of course has defined every relationship, platonic or romantic, that I've ever had. I'm afraid if I don't give people everything they ask of me they'll stop loving me.
> the prophecy is self-fulfilling every time
>>753296287
cia niggers?
>>753296357
> there's another /g/ browser in this thread
That's a small comfort to me. Thanks, mate.
>>753296287
>do this
>keep doing this
>do this until I meet an alcoholic
>she absolutely rapes my patience
>just fucks it over the couch
>constant pushing of boundaries
>constant attempts to frustrate me
>it works
>now she barely talks to me
>won't stay in the same room as me for very long unless she's tanked, wherein she can then ignore me
people need to eat shit and die, if you're not strong enough to shoulder your problems at least be decent enough not to shove them on people when you abuse a substance
pleasing people was the least useful thing I ever did and nobody tried to stop me, now I'm fucked up and think everyone's out to jump me or get at me so I talk to no one, reveal nothing, laugh at everything and generally swear and yell first if there's going to be confrontation such that people just kind of want it to blow over because I have a temper (although I always have)
it's not the life I asked for but it's satisfying when I get to feed the rage
>>753296287
>nice templeos
drinking boneshaker, listening to jordan peterson halfway out of depression
sometimes i think meaning is less of a thing and more of a direction
>>753296132
Put in a little effort and give it time and you will fine something that makes you happy. I believe in you
>>753296203
Sorry but give her a break and try to understand what she's going through. At the end of the day it's up to you whether you want her in your life or not, but at the end of the day she loves you and you probably love her too. I hope you figure it out
>>753296287
You have to move on anon. There will be others just like her in the future. I love you
>>753296653
>>753296647
>>753296539
I really appreciate the support, guys.
> do this until I meet an alcoholic
My ex-GF was a hardcore alcoholic. She's probably the reason I became one, though tbh I was on my way anyway.
https://hooktube.com/watch?v=F1HrO2W6w-4
Here, it's the song that was playing the first time we kissed.
>>753297013
I got it from my dad who died and left me with enough leftover grief and regret to kill a grown-ass man when I was in my single digits
in all fairness though, I drink alone and when I don't, I drink to joke and liven up the party. I don't take those jokes at others' expenses and I don't take those jokes where they're unwelcome
didn't date her, it was my gf's mom and she's a fucking cunt who needs to get the shit kicked out of her-- but that's what I think of every angry alcoholic, they need to be fucking leveled the fuck out-- and I'd do it if I believed for a second I'd get away with it without the cops blasting my door to pieces
anyway don't do what I did, now I'm a paranoid wreck with violent tendencies and substance problems
>>753297013
I love Blue Oyster Cult. I hope you move on man. I've been hurting for 6 years since my last girlfriend. I realized that if we got everything we wanted in life then it wouldn't be enjoyable. Hope this helps
>>753296653
she's incapable of love. at least any that isnt disgustingly narcissistic. If you knew her you would see what i mean. her actions dont necessarily match up with her words.
>>753296420
That board sucks dick
>>753297572
You suck dick.
>>753297343
Holy shit, man, I'm sorry to hear that.
>anyway don't do what I did, now I'm a paranoid wreck with violent tendencies and substance problems
I'm trying not to, man. tbh I think I need to get the shit kicked out of me, just to snap myself back to reality. I haven't seriously talked to anyone outside 4chan in a very long time.
I hope you're alright, anon. I care about you.
>>753297397
coming up on six years myself. we almost got back together but she's incredibly damaged and so am I so it didnt work out. she ended up humiliating me in a public place and using my feelings for her to shame me. she still calls me for support from time to time but ive realized i cant help her until i help myself. i really love her though. gods help me
>>753297448
That really sucks man because it's your mother but do you have any aunts or good friends that you care for?
Meh I must be more depressive than I realized, I'm actually feeling a bit hurt by people not engaging with my last post.
>>753296653
You my lad are a breath of fresh air on this shite website.
You're being nice and offering words of encouragement.
You're a good dude.
>>753297767
You may never get over her, but you can still be happy with another. You just have to accept that it won't work with her. It suck and I know but being happy is better than feeling remorse over someone you can't be wit
>>753297807
my best friend killed himself a year ago. he was probably the person i was closest to. other than that ive drifted apart from most of my friends. they're more acquaintances now. i have people that would claim to care if you asked but they never call or text and dont seem to want to spend time which they gladly spend with others. im not mad about it, i just know what friendship looks like. i used to have a few close friends but now im pretty alone.
>>753296287
It's not a coincidence that individuals tend to find the same sort of person over and over again. They either unconsciously seek out people who will validate their tendencies by taking advantage of them, or their vulnerability attracts opportunistic/needy people to them.
Get out there, you do the seeking. Be mindful of who you've attracted in the past and don't give in to your fears by allowing people to take advantage of you. Invite people into your heart. Don't carry them there. If they need to be carried, they aren't interested and you're wasting your time.
Also, if it makes you feel any better, the fact that she went back to an old boyfriend instead of looking for a new partner signals that she needed to return to familiar territory because of how threatening your absence is to her world. Winners don't go back to exes. They look for new partners.
>>753297895
Thanks anon. I just care a lot and I'm not trying to be arrogant. Sometimes I wish I didn't care so much
>>753298146
>Also, if it makes you feel any better, the fact that she went back to an old boyfriend instead of looking for a new partner signals that she needed to return to familiar territory because of how threatening your absence is to her world. Winners don't go back to exes. They look for new partners.
Ain't that the goddamned truth. That actually helps a lot... no matter how low I feel I've sunk since she's been gone, I'm still winning the breakup.
>>753298130
That really sucks man. Do you have a job or anything?
>>753298024
It makes me feel like it wont work with anyone. she made me feel like it was my fault and that theres something wrong with me. so until i figure out how to make that stop it will never work out.
>>753298499
Please look up cognitive behavioral therapy and mindfulness meditation.
>>753298481
yeah its pretty shitty though. im a cashier at a local grocery store. i dont get enough hours and im having a hard time finding a second job because making so little doesnt allow for much food in my budget. so low energy, poor mood. i didnt really get educated on how to be an adult so im kind of at a disadvantage
>>753298670
i meditate. it helps. i dont feel like that all the time but it always creeps in when it comes time to talk to women that i find attractive or interesting.
https://hooktube.com/watch?v=DJ-grAoireo
Here's Weezer covering "Pumped Up Kicks". I thought you guys might get a kick out of it.
>>753298670
That could work. It's also fine to just deal with your problems head-on rather than dealing with the depression caused by your problems
>>753298861
I've never been in that situation so idk, but I would go to a temp agency and try to get hired on full-time at a factory. If not, try to get on welfare or something so you can eat well. Hope you get better anon
>>753298954
Yeah I get that.
My last remnant of anxiety steps up to bother me whenever I meet a woman I find attractive, who happens to like me back.
>>753299269
>t's also fine to just deal with your problems head-on.
That is what cognitive behavioral therapy and mindfulness meditation has taught me to do.
Both tools work great together.
>>753298294
I also care a lot.
Some would say too much.
Nothing wrong with giving a shit.
Don't stop being awesome man (or woman if you're a lady).
>>753299269
if anything ile survive. its what ive always done. its all i know how to do. I'm done being mad about it all. Ive been done lashing out at people. im glad i can talk honestly about it. thats huge progress from where i was. hell maybe all i need is to just get it out there even if its on here. thank you anon for listening.
>>753299308
the funny thing is the ones that really like you are probably just as nervous. makes it real hard to get with the right person. or even know if they like you
>>753289565
Ey! I'm walkin here
Gonna keep posting feels music, or at least feels music from my perspective.
https://hooktube.com/watch?v=bb6e2Brz9Nw
>>753299864
>Ey! I'm walkin here
>>753299754
Yeah, I've noticed that my body language says the complete opposite of what I feel when it happens.
I start avoiding eye contact and slightly distancing myself from them.
Knowing this and doing the opposite of that behavior takes a lot of energy and kind of necessitates me having a good period.
>>753299911
keep it comin
>>753299932
Oh fuuuuuuuuuuuuuck you.
>>753300078
https://hooktube.com/watch?v=k79UhvU8SqM
> anyone who knows me IRL could probably figure out who I am from this one
>>753299987
same, dude. except that i guess i didnt realize it till you said it. eye contact for me is hard anyway (ptsd) but i force myself to maintain it in most situations
>>753300375
I've always analyzed everything, my emotions, thoughts and actions.
Most of the time I know whats going on and where I'm going wrong, but there is some distance between theory and action.
sorry to hear about your ptsd.
>>753289565
Same. Drunk, lonely. Couldn't find a ride to my bands gig tonight.
Sucks to be borderline homeless.
>>753300130
i got no guesses. we must be strangers
>>753300536
Evidently. Good. I'd rather not have people I know IRL asking me about my drunk posts on 4chan.
https://hooktube.com/watch?v=u3_UddjEGMA
>>753300506
i have a similar experience. I know im fucking up but most of the time its really hard to change the behavior. the ptsd comes from years of emotional and physical trauma at home and at school. made me into someone who looks like a coward in most social situations.
>>753300731
fuckyeah paul simon
>>753300532
I'm so drunk I'm seeing doubles. Hope you make some more money man
>>753300982
I've managed to do it a few times over this past year, nothing came out of it though, but that's alright. At least I tried and I will try again.
>>753301605
yeah! if you fail, just get up and fail a few more times. you're bound to succeed eventually
>>753301435
Yea same. I'll probably die miserable and broke though.
Fuck it.
>>753302109
fuck it! we're all worm food anyway
>>753289565
I'm not lonely but I sure am broke and hungry OP.
Here to feel with you.
>>753302333
Atleast you got trips.
But you will be fine though. There's always some way to make it in this world
>753302247
Haha yea, cheers m8. I'm just going to down the rest of the bottle. Fuck it.
>>753302333
broke and hungry anon here too. Stay strong dude, I hope you are not suffering from the cold weather.
>>753302333
Go dumpster diving anon, the season is good for it because of the cold weather.
Wear old snug clothes you don't mind getting dirty and gloves as well so avoid most germs.
God for vegetables you can peel and vacuum packed meat that was thrown out within the last 12 hours.
>>753302789
go for vegetables*
>>753289565
So drunk. The only girl Ive ever been in love with texted me yesterday after not talking for months. I know this will have the same outcome like it'll be good for 3 weeks then pure utter despair but I can't contain myself I care about her so much. Love is a curse I wish I didn't fucking care but I do and alcohol is the only thing that numbs it. Fuck
>>753302789
>>753302708
>>753302585
Thanks based anons
<3
>>753289565
coming downnfrom kratom and getting drunk.
Feeling pretty good to be hinest since meeting a scottish girls thatbhas also feelings for. me. Will. meet in july
1/3
Been lurking for a while, but first post so here goes.
>Be me
>Currently 21
>Redpilled from a young age
>6'3" Blonde Hair, Blue eyes, consider self to be 8/10, ~99% nordic/anglo ancestry
>Christian (converted during College after seeing abhorrent degeneracy of the world)
>Come from Conservative Christian household
>not sex having since HS & hate most aspects of modern culture
>Finish HS w/ 3.8 GPA
>Get into all colleges I apply to
>Go to PITT at 17
>Huge culture shock from growing up in country setting whole life (Alabama and then rural PA)
>Everything is so far left
>Dorm floor mates are all normie squids
>Literally could only understand one white professor (rest were Chinks/Nogs/Poos)
>transfer to Penn State after Freshman year
>Think maybe since it's in PA rural heartland it will be better
>Swimming with coalburners, absolute hive of scum and filth
>Make few friends (mostly adults. I've never been friends with many people my own age)
>Average friday night spent either drinking/smoking pot and philosophizing, hiking, or making music
>Get halfway through sophomore year. At this point running low on tuition money I had saved up until this point. (Did 1/2 and 1/2 tuition deal with parents)
>Approached by more girls than I approach, still turn them down because not interested in having sex/degenerate shit
>Closest friend I made moves away
>Feel vv lonely
>Start going on 4chan
>Go from pretty far right to righter than right. More or less full on Nazi
>Still Christian though so I try to treat people right, do the right thing, etc
>Become two faced in public vs what’s going on in my head
>Literally have roastie commiefornia neighbor that files 3 separate "Sexual assault, Harassment & Domestic Terrorism" charges against me
>All of which are entirely made up I might add. The only time I had ever talked to her is when she moved in earlier that year. Me being nice, believe in respecting everybody including whamen even though most of them don't deserve it (Christian thing to do)
>After I get charges in mail I go next door to ask her why
>Long story short, she acknowledged my innocence and says to my face that she made up the charges
>again ask her why
>Because I’m a straight white male, menace, she “sees the way I look at girls”, lo and behold here comes her spic boyfriend. Go figure (he looks like a grade A soyboy)
>Call out her bullshit
>She still refuses to drop them
>I say bring it bitch
>again Long story short, she drops all charges 10 mins before court case. Literally just trying to make my life difficult
>Move as far away from psycho bitch at end of semester as I can
>Get job as night janitor at a couple of local banks for extra cash
>Get fired a month in because somebody monitoring the cameras (when banks are closed and empty mind you) heard me say nigger a few times while talking to friend on phone
>Fuck this shit. Fucking thoughtcrime constant surveillance Orwellian bs
>Get seriously depressed second half of sophmore year
>classes are so full of propoganda and leftist bs (marketing/advertising major)
>Fuck this shit, totally disenchanted with college experience
>worst two years of my life
>drop out
>>753303164
To everyone who wants to get a girl. Be yourself.
I doubted it at first. But you want a girl that loves you, not the ine you're pretending to be.
Actually we lile the people thaybare weird and special in their own way
>>753302839
dont date my ex anon!! i know the head game strong but you must resist
>Now I do what I can to stay happy, ie. Work out every day, run, eat healthy, do nofap, only smoke/drink once or so a week. Still feel good about myself but have slight superiority complex :/
>Now living at home to save money
>All former HS friends finishing college & getting jobs (most are now blue pilled faggots)
>Do online market freelancing & music production
>Not make much money though
>Still better than working shit teir entry level job
>Have a few friends that I call sometimes
>Still lonelier than ever
>At least Trump’s in office
>Not much hope for lookout on world
>Girls not worth it being a wholesome Xian man (and I’m saying that from experience, trust me, 90% are basic whores)
>Still try to believe in traditional family forming values though. Maybe try again when I’m older
>Most peers are only interested in dumb, degenerate shit
>Hang out mostly with 85 year old godfather (war vet, former professor, super red pilled, I’ll miss him dearly when he’s gone)
>Find only other solace in 4chan echo chamber
Idk where I’m going with this. I know it’s long but I just needed to vent. I would say I had everything going for me, and maybe I fucked myself up somewhere along the way. I know that second half of my sophomore year really did me in, but I’m not too unhappy because I wasn’t content in the direction I was heading anyways.
I know a lot of you out there feel the same way, and to that I just want you to know that you’re not alone. This world is a fucked up place; always has been, always will be. Christ really is the only answer but once you go full Christpill, life on this earth will only seem a lot more dreary.
I have many many other stories to tell. I’ll try to start posting here more often.
And again, if you got through this entire novel, much respect brother, I appreciate it
TL;DR : Fairly popular young white man, had everything going for him. Realize college is absolute bullshit. Hate the current degeneracy of modern culture. Don’t want to withdraw from society, but there’s not much that’s keeping me from not doing so, aka: never liked it, don’t see myself changing.
>>753303273
dude i dont even know who i am anymore. ive been pretending so long
>>753303352
dude maybe dont cling so hard to your ideals. expectations always lead to disappointment. idk honestly but its worth a try. open up to some different ways of thinking. ive redpilled and bluepilled. they're both horse shit imo
>>753289565
it's 10AM saturday bro, go take a walk and enjpy your time on this planet. make it weird if you have to, fuck people.
>>753289565
currently drowning my loneliness in morphine, wishing I had more than one friend. well like 3 maybe depends how you count them.
ugh what have I done with myself? I was popular in school, what happened? why am I so unable to make and maintain meaningful relationships? what's so fucking bad about, what is it that makes it so impossible to love me? anyone here watch bojack? that line from the newest season really got me, "you ever feel like to know you more is to love you less?"
god maybe I'll just go on tinder and find SOMEONE to be with, I don't like how I get when I spend too much time hating myself alone.
>>753303688
You're not wrong. And by no means have I been this way 100% of the time. I went through an intense, albeit brief degenerate phase when I first got to college cause I figured, fuck it, what's the harm. But I just ended up feeling like a piece of shit and didn't like what it did to me. Idk, I certainly don't have all the answers.. I'm a lil drunk so I'm just kinda feeling sorry for myself haha :( oh well, thanks for the reply. At least someone's listening to my driveling rant
>>753303378
You don't have to go full sjw to afford people some basic humanity anon, you might have strong opinions about other races, but if you don't meet people like individuals you're not really doing the christian thing of loving thy neighbor.
>>753304518
i agree that theres alot of degenerate shit going on with people but its fun to be a degenerate sometime. we all feel sorry for ourselves. congrats on not having a shitty entry level job tho
>>753303352
not to pile on but the reason you're lonely might be that you look down on most other people? like when you start deciding any values outside your own are degenerate, you really shrink your pool to people who not only share your beliefs but are as judgmental as you.
I dunno if I'm articulating this well but when you're always looking down on people, you have to find other people who also look down on people like you do (cause why would someone put in effort with some random who looks down on them), which is hard because you have to find the ones who look down on people in general but don't look down on you.
it's a double gate, finding someone you don't look down on is hard (based on your post, maybe I'm misreading things) but then, since most of the people you'd get along with would be similarly judgy, you also have to hope that they don't have an issue with any of the stuff you do.
maybe try trump rallies and that sort of thing? aren't those supposed to be popular? I'm sure you could find a group there. I went to a political thing near me and there was tons of people who basically just hung out and shot the shit, and this was in texas (it was a liberal group) so I'm sure you'd find even more people at a trump thing.
>>753294742
hey me too where u work
just drank some chinese tea watching premier kickboxing. i'm not that interested in it. i like mixed martial arts though
>>753289565
Same here.
(don'y want the feels though, I wanna lul.)
FFS i got B&
>>753304824
You're pretty spot on anon.. likewise, I went to quite a few Trump campaign rallies last year and thoroughly enjoyed the people I met there. And like I said, I do definitely notice myself taking on more and more of a superiority complex (which I do not like), and I'm trying to be more open to other people's perspectives in order to combat that. I think my biggest problem is that I just don't enjoy most of the things my peers do: going out to bars, parties, movies, having sex etc, but I'm still pretty extroverted in the flesh. All that sort of stuff just seems kind of fickle. And as I type this I'm literally laughing thinking of how much like an old curmudgeon I sound. The other part of the problem which I didn't really allude to is I was kind of wild when I was younger and now that I'm trying to live a more wholesome life, it means not doing a lot of the fun dumb shit I did before
>>753305468
It's ok to cry a little. I have cried a little tonight
>>753303352
Anyone who types out a feel this long deserves a (You).
https://hooktube.com/watch?v=4_kpUV6shXY
I'm back with more vodka. Here's another one for any Oasis fans in the crowd.
>>753305766
You're overreacting to some things that weren't beneficial for you anon.
Don't take this wrong it is an example, but it's like you are a former alcoholic who tended to beat on women, who saw the error of his ways and went full tinfoil feminist to compensate.
Don't be afraid to forgive yourself and relax a bit anon.
>>753305766
it's fine if you like different things, I think the problem is we tend to end up thinking that we are inherently better for liking the things we like. Keep trying, keep meeting new people, and eventually you'll find some people who like the same kind of stuff you do. Music is a great scene to meet a wide group of people but it's can also be pretty "party" oriented, which you're looking to avoid so idk. I love to read so I'm gonna start hitting up libraries in the area looking for book groups or anime clubs or something, not expecting a lot but any way to meet new people helps now that I don't have school/college to force people into my life.
I don't know what you do for fun or I'd try and give more specific advice. I've also basically never made a friend on my own and have no idea how to (literally every friend I've ever had either decided to approach me or was met through a friend) so I doubt that advice would've had much value anyways, lol.
I don't know what you were up to before (if it was some legit fucked up stuff than disregard what I'm about to say) but I suggest you really ask yourself WHY you want to live a more "wholesome" life, what that actually means, and if you think it will make you happy. I wasted a lot of time feeling bad about things because society treated them as "bad" but as much as I thought about it, I could never give a concrete reason why they were bad. I'm now generally of the mind that if it makes you happy and it doesn't fuck with other peoples shit then it's probably fine. life is god damn short and every second you could be dead and this would be it, there'd be no more and you'd be stuck with the life you had and the choices you made. so try and be happy with people you love, cause that's really all that matters.
wow sorry I'm just venting and lonely I guess, anyways I hope things work out for you and sorry if any of this came off as overly critical, I mainly just used this as an excuse to talk about myself
I fucking hate myself.
I haven't had a job for almost 6 months now, only reason I'm not homeless is because I was lucky and moved into my best friend's house, where my welcome is nearly worn out because of my unemployment. It's not for a lack of trying, either, I just don't get interviews or calls back.
To boot, I'm trapped in an un-fufilling and soul-sucking relationship. I used to be happy, the sex was good, lost my V-card to her, and everything was great. Then her family found out, the relationship went way too fast, and she started sucking my soul. She refuses to stand up for herself in any capacity, is extremely submissive, and I'm basically her therapist now. And it's draining, and we can barely see each other, and I just want out, but I can't get out because she'll have a depressed fit...
I feel so worthless, useless, and hopeless. I had a job interview today at Home Depot, and if I don't get that job, I might as well just off myself. The only reason I haven't just killed myself and had it all be done with is because 1) My ex is talking to me again and she's reminding me why I was so happy with her and giving me hope (we basically would be back together, but I'm not gonna cheat on my current GF.) And 2) I'm honestly just too much of a fucking pussy. And besides, I deserve to fucking suffer anyway...
>>753307986
>I'm basically her therapist now.
Fuck, I know that feel, anon. Only advice I can give is maybe lower your standards regarding jobs (I was unemployed for a year living in my dad's basement until I finally cracked and applied for a fast food gig; I'd been trying anything else)
> interview with Home Depot
I hope you get it, man. Sounds like you really care about people, I understand what you're going through perfectly. You're a genuinely good person and unfortunately you've gotten taken advantage of... the guit is something awful, I know. I also know things are gonna get better for you, mate. Keep looking for a job, something will come along. As for the soul-sucking GF I don't have answers there other than it'll work itself out, it'll be a horrible experience ending the relationship, whether you end it or it ends itself, but such a relationship cannot be sustained and you'll be free someday.
Keep your chin up, mate. I been there, it's awful, but it's just a rut. I love you, mate.
>>753289565
>>753291854
me too Im drunk and depressed
>>753307986
Sounds like you need to tell your girlfriend to find professional help, being unqualified to help a person cure themselves isn't your fault, people get educated in this for a reason.
Also she shouldn't hold you hostage with her depression, that isn't fair to you.
>>753308428
Me three.
https://hooktube.com/watch?v=lvHK8-g7qRw
Some Hall and Oates for ya. Get this thread going, let's hear some feels.
>>753308442
Absolutely this.
>>753289565
>>753308428
Fuck same here anons
Have just been getting drunk af because of the feels
Goddamn I miss her so much
What're your feels about guise?
>>753308748
https://hooktube.com/watch?v=p5rQHoaQpTw
>>753292769
are you fat or ugly? that could explain the problem, better post pic to be sure
I'm just drunk as fuck and lonely, not depressed
https://hooktube.com/watch?v=YepfoPEbT5Q
I found it guys. I haven't heard this song since eighth grade.
> be 13
> meet cute girl
> she likes me too
> too nervous to approach her
> she moves one
> eventually so do I
It was an insignificant event in the grand scheme of my life, yeah, but I still recall that as the moment things went off track. At any rate,
> ywn know perfect, innocent love with another person
Sharing a feel from many years ago.
>>753294213
what anime is that?
>>753308940
>https://hooktube.com/watch?v=p5rQHoaQpTw
Will listen to that in a min
>>753308362
My standards are rock fucking bottom, man... I've applied to everything I can find that I'm qualified for, and I've even put myself under student debt so I can go to technical college for IT... I just... Can't find any work... I guess I'm just... Unhirable. And yeah, it'll work itself out... Eventually, I'll either just say "fuck it," or she'll just leave... Idk...
>>753308442
The sad part is that she does... She has an actual therapist. But she doesn't trust them at all, so she spoon feeds her actual therapist info while dumping everything onto me at once. And I mean, she doesn't actually hold me hostage... I just... I worry about what if she does have a huge depressive manic episode... I've had those, it's not a good fucking feeling... It's like wanting to kill yourself, nearly doing it, but hating yourself so much that you intentionally don't just to make yourself suffer even more...
> drinking
> chest pains
> heart beating harder than usual
Might just be anxiety but why is this?
> methanol/hooktube/gf-back-with-ex anon speaking
>>753309641
> unhirable
No you ain't, anon. I spent that year unemployed having gone and applied for every job in my town. It's a bit of a waiting game. I'm sorry I can't be of more help my brain is kind of buggered what with the alcohol and booze and I'm not good at advice anyway. All I can really offer is emotional support.
I'm sorry you're going through this, feel free to vent to me all you want.
>>753303267
>he looks like a grade A soyboy
kek
My life sucks and I hate myself.
>>753303352
nigga drop your soundcloud link I wanna hear the shit you're making
>>753309641
What you really gotta ask yourself though is, are either of you good for each other?
If she's refusing to take actual help and loading her shit onto you, isn't she disrespecting your need for wellbeing?
Loving someone and taking on all of their issues is two different things.
if she insists on using only you to unload, she is in essence holding you hostage, even if it is involuntary.
Also this might seem a bit harsh, but if you don't take care of yourself, she's gonna drag you to metaphorical hell with her. Her actions and decisions are hers, even if they are a reaction to something you did or said.
She has just as much agency and responsibility to take care of herself as you do to take care of yourself.
You're shaming yourself into staying in a situation that is slowly killing you, out of a sense of wanting to provide for her. But providing as much as she seems to need is impossible for any one person.
Most of that really relies on her taking responsibility for her state.
>>753309173
Ay man fuck I feel you. Am >>753308748 but I l feel the same, as in have some feels from years ago about ex, mfw best relationship I've ever had
Mfw it's gonna be almost 4 years soon since broke up with ex, just turned 21. But damn this whole thing fucks me up bad
>>753309795
Chest pain and an elevated heartbeat is a textbook response to anxiety.
Heck I once had involuntary body spasms akin to what spastics have because my brain was trying to find an outlet for stress, fucked me over for a week before a neurologist eased my mind and proved it to be psychosomatic.
12/7/2017 was definitely a cooler sounding date to quit smoking than 12/8/2017
This is going to bug the shit out of me for awhile.
I miss as much as hate you too.
>>753310318
Yeah but idk why I'd be feeling anxious... granted I feel this way when I drink lots of coffee too. Maybe I don't fully understand how anxiety works. At any rate, that's a fucked up experience, I'm sorry to hear that.
>>753310195
Take solace in the fact that you have most of your life left and with the right effort, you'll find love, self esteem and occasional happiness.
>>753310393
I was actually relating that to put you at ease.
Anxiety works like it does because your fight, flight or freeze response is misfiring.
Even the fear of fear can trigger(I hate this word, but it is correct in this context) it.
You should really find a cognitive behavioral therapist he/she will help you understand what your brain is doing and give you tools for how to deal with it. It isn't a form of therapy where you just talk, the basis of it is doing.
>>753310164
... You know, this shit is exactly what I needed to hear about this relationship... Thank you. You're not being harsh, btw, I'd say you're being perfectly reasonable. You're completely right.
>>753309795
Certainly fucking feels that way, man... I haven't had an interview before this one and one I had a week ago that I didn't get the job from in months... Literal months. And I know that once my unemployment time hits 6 months, that's when shit gets bad for my unemployment, or so my research tells me... And thank you, man... Emotional support is something I desperately need right now... I just feel so... Alone and worthless... Like the world would be better of if I just offed myself sooner rather than later...
>>753310587
I appreciate it, anon. I've been wracked with anxiet for most of 2017, anything to help make sense of what's going on is helpful. I'll look into cognitive behavioral therapy.
Here's another song:
https://hooktube.com/watch?v=T7o7y9IjUq0
>>753309641
>I've applied to everything I can find that I'm qualified
apply to stuff you're not qualified for either. worst case, you don't here back but literally every job I've gotten, I wasn't up to the requirements they had listed. quick learner, amiable but professional in the interview, and initiative in applying has gotten me in to a lot of jobs that honestly should have told me to fuck off. hope things go well
I'm such an incompetent fuck that I managed to fuck up my entire life despite being the only person who actually exists.
>>753310874
Well i do have a perpetual fear of giving people reasons to hate me, because part of me is convinced I am a horrible person.
But I do try to do reals over feels and look at things from a reasonable perspective.
My fear was that you wouldn't take the essence of what I said to heart because I had somehow hurt you with my words.
>>753310008
https://soundcloud.com/user-730704547/sets/hecklin-keksters
Currently working on an album with my buddy. I just produce, so these are some of the tracks that weren't album worthy. FEEDBACK APPRECIATED
>>753310957
I'm at the tail end of over 5 years of anxiety and at one point agoraphobia.
CBT and mindfulness meditation was what enabled me to work myself a large part of the way out of it.
>>753289565
About to get shitfaced because my dads blowing our rent money and its somehow my fault. He went 8 months without a job this year. I work two jobs and I was going to school before I dropped out again to help pay bills. We've never been close and I thought moving in with him would help us bond but he's just an asshole. He's borrowed 50 grand from my grandparents this year yet still struts around as if he's not a burden for everyone.
>>753311508
Get away from him anon, even if it means living with your grandparents for a while.
He won't sort out his shit unless it is ultimately down to him.
He's your dad, he's the one who is supposed to help you, not vice versa.
>>753311709
My Aunts engagement just blew up so she's with the grandparents and I don't know if my pride could handle asking to crash on the couch. I have a friend moving in his rent will help, he's only staying 6 months to a year so i'm thinking i'm just gonna get a place with him when the time comes.
>>753311325
Dude, are you me? I get the exact same way. Hell, my attempts to make people believe and make myself believe that I'm not a horrible person just end up making people hate me and prove even more to myself that I'm a horrible person.
>>753312102
Your pride as an adult?
Well the adult thing to do is asking for help when it is needed. i'm not saying become completely dependent, but getting some breathing room to establish a self sustained living arrangement is not something to feel shame about.
To be a bit blunt, pride is for kids who want to be seen as adults, doing what is needed to improve your circumstances is what defines an actual adult.
>>753312341
I am not you, but this mental state is surprisingly common.
You're probably overdoing your attempts to convince people and in the process neglecting your own needs and boundaries, making you seem weak to others.
If you can keep your concern and willingness to help others while setting up clear boundaries about how you want to be treated you'll have much more success. This means getting to know your needs and forcing yourself to make you and others respect them, because in spite of what that little shithead version of you in your head says, you fearing that you might be horrible is actually evidence of just how decent and good of a person you really are.
Take my advice and chain up that dude in your mind, with the stinkiest sock gag you can imagine.
This isn't a permanent state, but it will give you a reprieve to work on liking and taking care of yourself.
After that you can forgive him and let him leave as you don't need him anymore.
>>753311423
Kind of lame but there's some potential for getting better.
The beats definitely don't have enough sauce.
The most based track so far seems to be the codeine creek, drums are pretty tight and the sound box melody gives it a cool atmosphere, the last track seems to be about the same thing tho.
Also the overall aestheic is weak as fuck but I can tell that you made the account just about now.
Now check out some BIG BOY music.
https://soundcloud.com/bidocea
>>753312349
It just seems shitty to ask my grandparents for that kind of help when they have given so much to everyone already. It feels like i'd be taking advantage of them like my dad does. I mean they practically raised me I spent summers at their house until I was 16. They've done so much for me and I feel like i've let them down because I have nothing to show for it. Asking for help and a place to stay now feels like giving up. They were really excited that my dad and I might get closer and that I was essentially on my own.
>>753289565
>closeted lonely gender confused gay
>meet guy
>several best months of my life pass with my first boyfriend
>he loves me, is intimate, spend a lot of time together
>on good days, other days he can be a bully who makes me feel bad and has made me cry
>says me crying is cute. tolerate it because he likes it and would be nice afterwards
>says he wants me to be dependent on him
>slowly grow distant with friends, he becomes my best friend who I only talk to
>he's also a christian
>feels bad about being with me, wishes I was a girl
>says I'd be an amazing wife
>talk about marriage
>he refers to me as being a girl and as his baby girl when we're intimate
>accept it, actually like it, makes me happy
>talks about buying girls clothes
>while on a short trip away find out a girl has been talking to him a week ago
>he calls me, I began crying but he assures me everything is okay. he says very romantic things to me, talks about marriage again, how he loves me and thinks I'm perfect
>return a few days later
>he's cold and distant, not talking or being together
>all texts are met with one word responses
>beg him to call me before he slept like how we usually would on weekends
>admits to talking with the girl
>he told me he only said things like marriage and stuff because he wanted me to feel loved and I'm sensitive and would get sad if he didn't say anything, couldn't say if he loved me or not
>after almost a year of being together
>now he's barely speaking to me like a human, swore at me and got angry at me twice just for trying to have a conversation
>tonight
>see him play the game I bought him for his birthday with his friends
>I try to talk to him, get very little back
>went to bed without saying anything to me, knowing I would be upset if he didn't say anything
feels really bad man, cosmically sad. I have no idea what to do
https://youtube.com/watch?v=yjBoAQw7bgo
I dunno if anyone else will know the feel but I seriously cry every time I watch this video.
>>753313108
The fact that you feel like that means that you will do your utmost to not take advantage of them. Besides you are working, so you can contribute to the household and this is temporary anyway, it's only until you get out under your dads inability to think of the needs of other.
Now don't get me wrong, i don't want you to abandon your dad, but is it really for on you to have to take care of him like this?
Especially if he is blaming you for things going to shit, even though he is doing it?
>>753313476
really fair on you*
>>753289565
feels bad man cant stop thinking about killing myself every hour of every day. alone nearly 24/7. Work alone with dad to make money to come home and be alone and not spend money. Too pussy to approach girls but its the only thing i want
>>753313251
Get away from him.
He's abusing your sensitivities and manipulating you.
You getting distant from friends and him saying he wants you to dependent on him is dysfunctional.
I'm sorry anon, but it sounds like the man you love is a manipulating sociopath and you don't deserve to have your feelings jerked around by him.
>>753313476
I know it's not fair, i'm just going to hang on until my friend and I can get a place. I'm looking for a new job right now, i'm working carpentry but there is not a lot of work in the winter so i'm going to find one before we run out. I'm also studying to go into IT when I have time, i'm not in school but i'm still trying to get this shit done.
>>753313697
Use some of that money on a therapist, a gym membership and a social hobby anon.
If you're at rock bottom, the only way now is up.
Which isn't to say it will be easy, but you deserve taking that effort and improving your life.
>>753314042
Just watch out for yourself anon, even if it's just for a while, getting away from your dad and getting some rest might do you some good.
>>753292769
https://hooktube.com/watch?v=Jb2stN7kH28
> yes, I'm this drunk
>>753294082
4th? Hangover?
I just wish you'd say it back. I guess not saying it is better than your anger, at least.
>>753314150
Thanks anon, some rest sounds nice.
>>753314463
This is cryptic anon, what is it you wish would be said and by whom?
My dad told me he isnt himself anymore after his perscription meds are getting to him. It is terrifying and i cant sleep
>>753313251
You need to drop that fuckboy. You seem like a genuinely kind and caring person. Your boyfriend is an emotionally cheating, lying, abusive dickbag, and you deserve far, far better, man.
>>753312726
Yeah, I'm honestly really bad about taking care of myself... I feel bad for eating, so I usually skip at least one meal a day, maybe two if I'm feeling extra depressed or guilty. I prefer to just sit in front of my computer all day playing vidja and looking for work, and I never come out of my room unless I absolutely necessary. I only leave the house to go to college and go to job interviews. I used to have a social life. Then I lost my first job, my bike got stolen and I had to use one of my other friends broken down and falling apart bike. I can't get to school or job interviews unless I either risk death riding the rusted deathtrap, I walk 2 hours in winter temperatures, or I take my roommate's bus pass after he gets home from school.
... My life is fucked, I'm fucking fucked... No job, no transportation, no will to live... The only reason I'm even still in this house is probably because I'm going to school and I'm actively looking for a job...
... I just want it to be over... I'm sick of being such a fucking waste... If I die, then I'll finally be free from this living hell...
>>753314588
How is he when he feels like himself and how is he on his meds?
>>753314078
i go to the gym like 4 times a week and ive been going to therapists for the last 12 years. I dont know any social hobbies in my town
>>753314656
He is a normal human being, with great sense of humor, however, he is always in deep physical pain. Now, on meds, he doesnt have AS much physical pain, but he is losing his memory, becoming insomniatic and changing most of his personality
>Being really depressed and trying to make others laugh and be happy at the price of being made even more upset
>>753315032
iktf man
>>753314741
Well then you've already begun.
Look up social hobbies in your town, find one that interests you and use it to train your socializing skills. You can do this, because I've been in your place and I did it.
>>753314637
You're letting the depressive shithead who lives in your mind speak for you again anon.
Imagine the heftiest chains and the stinkiest sock gag for that fucker, you don't deserve his abuse.
If you take one issue at the time and use the time you need to solve it, it will be much more manageable. He might think you're worthless, but from our interactions I know you're not, you're just desperate and a bit panicky. There is nothing you can't do if you take the time you need to solve it. and for gods sake eat some food. Punishing yourself won't make your circumstances better and you won't get out of this without the energy that you get from proper food intake and sleep.
>>753314894
Perhaps you should take him to your doctor and discuss alternative methods of pain relief, if his mind is being affected like this, this drug clearly isn't for him. I wish you both well anon.
>>753315225
its a nasty double edged sword
>>753313951
>>753314637
I'm worried I'm misrepresenting him, he's been extremely sweet to me before and we've gone through a lot of times where we've been perfect. Maybe the dependent thing was a joke.
But I understand how cruel he is being right now though, I'm just scared about losing him I legit love the good side of him and without him I'll be so lonely. I'm not sure how to get over loving someone since he's my first and I've basically dedicated myself to him this year. I guess I'm really emotionally immature, I'm still deep in the closet.
>>753315566
We have an outside view though anon, being sweet and loving some times and manipulative an cruel other times is signs of willing manipulation.
Heck there are even indicators of him scouting for a new partner while still being with you.
You deserve someone who loves you for you, without needing to control you.
Your fear of losing him is actually your fear of change, but won't a bit of heartbreak that culminates in freedom and the possibility to find a person who is good for you be worth it?
>>753314637
Oh I forgot to mention, if you are like me, part of you is trying to tell you that I am being kind to you out of pity and not real concern.
That is wrong, I wouldn't wish how you feel and how I used to feel on my worst enemy.
If I even have a small chance of nudging you towards a better life for you, it is important to me.
bump
https://hooktube.com/watch?v=1mxEoA3G9Wg
>>753316004
I would absolutely love someone like the good side of him, he's handsome and knows me through and through, I just want to understand why he is so manipulative and acts the way he does. Does he feel guilty? I really want to confront him and tell him all of this, but I'm still scared he'll get angry and leave me completely and cut me off. I want to let him know how he has made me feel but I don't want to lose my best friend. I was going to buy a great Christmas present for him and everything and I was so excited about that it was going to be my first Christmas with someone who I thought loved me.
I felt like I won the lottery with him, he was perfect. Smart, really good with computers, he lifted and was very handsome, aesthetically and personally he was everything I find attractive. But god I'm so sick of worrying and feeling like how he makes me feel, this isn't the first time he's spoken to a girl while we were together. It's hard to admit you're probably right, maybe I can find someone else I'm starting university next year. My life isn't over.
It's just hard. Fuck
Welp guys, it's been nice to vent and offer advice to you all, but it's 6 am here and I should really get some sleep.
I hope whatever meagre comfort I could provide was enough.
>>753317185
Nothing worthwhile is easy or painless.
You should probably tell him how you feel, for closure if nothing else. But I'm skeptical about a guy who treats you like this improving anytime soon. It also sounds a bit like you are in love with the idea of him instead of actual him. Love makes you blind, but eventually abuse makes you see, that is if you don't go full Stockholm Syndrome and end up believing he's entitled to do this to you.
It's up to you, but my recommendation is date someone who allows you to like yourself for you, otherwise why would they be with you?
>>753317562
>It also sounds a bit like you are in love with the idea of him instead of actual him
A little bit of both yeah, I certainly am in love with him as a person, but also the presence and the idea of someone loving me really made me happy as well. He's done worse to me than what I implied here as well, in terms of making me feel sometimes. I will never understand why he would do it and I question myself all the time. My first relationship being so abusive is really unlucky.
>I hope whatever meagre comfort I could provide was enough.
Thank you, it was good to vent a little, I really appreciate it. It's good people like you are out there to lend time to just supporting people, really is comforting.
God bless you man
>>753318301
>It's good people like you are out there to lend time to just supporting people, really is comforting.
Well I did come here aiming to be drunk and sad. I did that for a bit, but then i got distracted by tying to help others, so even if you feel like I might be going out of my way, having you listen to and appreciate my advice has helped me feel better as well, so thanks right back at you.
Okay I'm legit going to bed now, see you guys in another feels thread, universe willing.
>>753315363
... Fuck, you're right. It's just... I honestly don't know how to shut him down, man... He just... Slips past every mental barrier I erect... My own worst enemy is myself, and I know all of my fucking weaknesses... No matter what I try, I know exactly how to break myself down, and do it... And I honestly don't feel like I have enough time... I've been given until Christmas to find a job or I get the boot... That's in 2 and a half weeks... I don't have enough time to find work and get my transportation together and take care of myself properly and all of that crap... I'm barely not fucking homeless, and I'm fucking 18... I just... I fucking can't... There's no fucking way... I can't see a single way out of this situation that doesn't involve inhuman amounts of luck...
... Fuck... I'm just... I'm so fucking fucked..
>>753318541
Okay anon, do this in your mind.
Walk up to him and embrace him.
Hold him and love him, no matter how nasty he gets. He'll eventually break down, hug you back and cry.
I get that all of that shit is scary, but even if it does go tits up, there are always options and ways to get out. I've been homeless too and I survived.
When all of this shit is over, you'll have a capacity for empathy and love you'd never have imagined.
Fuck I kinda wish I could just walk up to you and hug you, just for being you.
>>753318949
I'm also gonna stay here until we get you calmed down a bit, just ear with me while I go pee.
>>753319231
ear?
bear*
>>753314360
>implying you gotta be drunk to love TAY SWIZZLE
>>753289565
Nah, I just finished my finals for this quarter of college so I have the next 3 weeks off. I'm about to go drink with some friends, get something to eat, and then this Tuesday I'm flying back home to see my dad and family for Christmas and New Years. I'm not even paying for my schooling since I'm a veteran, GI bill all the way. My life is pretty awesome and in a year or so I should have my Bachelor's degree. Fucking love my life.
>>753319296
This is true, but drinking is the only way I'm comfortable admitting it.
https://hooktube.com/watch?v=7f8LyanfpWE
>>753318541
Okay I'm back again anon.
>>753318949
>Recommends the one thing I've never thought to try
I'll... I'll give it a shot, I guess... And it really doesn't fucking seem like there are options, man... I'm in fucking Commiefornia, man, there might as well be fucking nothing... No one cares about the homeless here, it's a dog eat dog world here... The only "options" I could see at that point would be selling myself, or drugs. And I don't want either of those things... I just want a normal fucking life, with a steady job, a normal, happy family, and no worries that can't be easily solved, is that too much to fucking ask, life!? All I fucking want is to be fucking happy with myself, and to be able to fucking enjoy life like everyone around me, and to actually be able to fucking *live*, but no. I'm fucking trapped. I'm trapped, jobless, basically homeless, and hopeless.
I can't see the light at the end of the fucking tunnel.
>>753320041
This might sound like a shitty solution, but what about admitting yourself to an open psych ward?
You're clearly in emotional distress and it would solve living arrangements and food.
samefag.
boys get butthurt when i win xbox.
fml.
open to snapchatting for the lolz
>>753320271
I don't even know if there even is one of those anywhere near here. And what would be the point, anyway? I'd still be fucking barely not homeless... I'd still not have a job or anything... Going to a psych ward wouldn't fix *shit*. It would be a temporary, band-aid fix to a much longer term problem...
>>753292769
a/s/l
>>753293954
ditch her, frigid girls are for cucks
>>753320585
Well you are in emotional distress and that is what psych wards are for anon.
Besides that depression version of you is trying to spin this towards "Resistance is futile, all your base are belong to us".
Besides if you go to the psych ward, they can help you to plan how to get out of this mess.
Also the psych ward isn't for the long term problem, it's for the short term. Get's you a place to stay and some room to sort your shit.
>>753320914
i second that motion
>>753321003
agreed
French kitten
Ging
Cool
Pic related. No friends. No gf. Do nothing all day. I can survive the days but the nights are the worst /b/.
>>753321003
I mean, fuck, if this is emotional distress, I'd be in the psych ward every fucking week. This is how I fucking feel 24/7 by this point. And what are the psych ward people gonna tell me? "Oh, just get a job, and you'll be fine." I'd like to see them try to get any fucking job in this state, with my resume and skillset, in this economy. Because for me, it's damn near fucking impossible. Besides, I have a fucking game plan, I just need a job to execute it. A job that I... Don't have... And that I can't seem to get... I... I can't even get a fucking job working at fucking MCDONALDS...
... Can't even get a fucking interview at the Golden Arches... That's the worst fucking part... No employer seems to want to hire me... And I don't even fucking know why... I'm a hard worker, I'm dependable and punctual, hell, I've even been told my people who interview me that I'd be a perfect candidate for a job, then they tell me I'll hear back in a week and I get the inevitable rejection email. And not even the fucking McDonalds will take me... That takes a lot of skill at fucking things up...
... Fuck...
>>753289565
u need counseling
>>753322132
You're currently going through an anxiety state called disaster thoughts.
If you can, try to take a step back mentally and ask yourself if panicking like this helps you.
Also the psych ward people will most likely ask you how you are feeling and then do their best to help you deal with it.
You're trying to swallow an entire elephant instead of eating it one piece at the time.
Also contact a temp agency, that is one way to get temporary income.
>>753322407
I've sent my resume to 2-3 different temp agencies, and I still haven't heard back shit from any of them. It has to be me if 2-3 different temp agencies can't find me any work... And I fucking know that panicking won't fucking help... But fuck, man, I feel so fucking cornered and afraid and alone, panicking is the only fucking option in my mind on handling this shit... I've tried cutting through the elephant, but it just keeps getting bigger and bigger and tougher and tougher... It genuinely feels like there's no fucking way out of this fucking shit situation aside from just fucking ending it all by now...
... I fucking need help... I know I need help, I've fucking needed it for years... But I just... Don't have anyone who can, or know anything that can aside from throwing my face into the brick wall that is my problem and hoping I break through the wall before I break my face...
this is a long one so bear with me
>be 5'6 130 Somali
>thank god no accent
>wasn't that /fit/ but have a great sense of humor
> 11th grade art class
>Teacher didn't really enforce rules so we would stand around and talk with our friends and shit
>see 7/10 asian chick in the back sketching in her notebook
>Tell my firends i'll be right back and hear them jeer as i walk towards her
>start sweating and my heart starts racing
>walk by her and look over her shoulder to see whats she drawing
>holyfuck.jpg
>she drew the class from her perspective
>she somehow managed to sketch the class and match the sketch to the actual class
>put on my big boy pants and strike up a converstaion
>she was really quiet and i had to ask her a couple times to speak up
>and i finally learned her name was Tina
>there were girl in my school who i would bone in a second but Tina was different
>instead of lust i felt a connection deeper than that
>and i know it sounds gay but whatever
>i hear my friends call my name and tell me we can leave early
>i ask if she has lunch next period and if she would want to sit with us
>didn't agree at first but i got her to say yes
>as we're walking down the hallway to the lunchroom i asked for her number
>she didn't have a phone because her parents said it would get in the way of her studies
Continue?
>start dating her
>>753322925
I just... y'know? Man.. just like... wow... y'know? ...man... I can't even with this shit... wow.. y'know? I just... it's just... everything's like... all fucked up... oh wow... just like... not like.... just it's...
>>753322925
Well you've been dismissing an option that might help you.
Even if you can't see what good would come from getting psychological help at a ward, isn't it a bit silly to dismiss it without trying?
It's kind of like being on fire and bitching out the fireman whose job it is to put you out.
>>753293697
I'm curious, I can do the "I don't give a fuck." attitude is 100% imo but I'm not driven to do anything, how do you decide what you want to do?
>>753323144
... *Sigh* You're right. I mean, fuck, it's not like it can really hurt, you know? At this point, what the hell do I have to lose? I guess I'm just... Idk, being stubborn and stupid.
>>753323517
It strikes your fancy and you go fuck it and do it.
My life is pretty much set, grew up only child with just my mom. She worked hard to get me through school. Joined the military for a sense of purpose, didn't get much more than a more straightforward mindset. Come back home, help moms get the house she's always wanted with the money I saved up in the army. Get to keep old condo she bought. Super secure job, good co-workers, I enjoy it but dread it some days, been there almost 4 years but would like a job where I get to wear my own clothes. Been with Gf for almost 3 years. She admires but is somewhat set back by how emotionally stable I've always been, sometimes even emotionally cold. Starred dating her because I thought it would be a low maintanence relationship, which it is. I love her, but I don't think it even comes close to how much she loves me. I've never truly allowed myself to love her because somewhere in the back of my shallow mind I know I'm dating below me. Therefore I've never shown her off the way I should've. And maybe I've even held back on romantic gestures because something inside me tells me she's not worth the effort. She's nearly wife material, beyond some shortcomings. But I feel like I've tied myself down to her for too long, that I've missed so many chances. When I know full well I'm not an extremely outgoing person and might end up with nothing.
At this point my life and finances are more stable than some people in their 30s. I consider myself successful so far, yet for some reason I look for reasons to be down. Even though I know they're petty I yearn for reasons to be a mopey fuck some days, even though I've always maintained a don't let shit get to you mentality. Beyond losing a couple family pets, a best friend and one bad breakup I've never been a sad person.
Why do I feel like I need to be sad on occasion even though everything goes well for me the majority of the time. Why do I have to force small things in life to affect me?
Alright 4chan, I've been lurking for a while.
This is my first story.
My Life Chapter 1:
>>be arab not living in murica (not saying wer)
>>be 13
>>super wealthy had mansion house (8 bedroom 12ba)
>>only high profiles, royals & embassies lived in my neighborhood
>>Parents not divorced but seperated
>>Dad literally had home away and focused 100% on his work. Sometimes he would pass by for lunch but as I got older he stopped visiting because he got uber wealthy and had to manage it 100% of the time
>>Mom was 100% at work aswell as head of immunology so she came home super late and was tired all the time
>>Used to be in Coed school (girls & guys) but parents didnt like it
>>transfer school to noncoed school cos parents said so
>>meh w/e doesn't matter to me
>>first day at new school
>>Go to assembly
>>hear shouting
>>look around and spot skinny blonde dude with noodle arms
>>blonde was fighting during first day at assembly
>>ppl gathered and pulled blonde away from other kid he beat
>>apparently blonde kid knocked someone cos they insulted his sister or something
>>whatever lol 10/10 school
>>get home
>>elder brother says you can have my bike anon
>>WOOT
>>start riding bike around neighborhood listening to creative mp3 player (this was 11 yrs ago it used to be the shit)
>>spot retard blonde from assembly biking in my neighborhood
>>stop bike and wave him down
>>let’s call him Ted
>>Ted was 13 had a cool ass silver bike
>>Tfw mine was a shitty indian made one
>>came from england/merica (half half)
>>We just start talking and sit on sidewalk
>>Start chilling with Ted, bike to baskin robbins after school sometimes get ice cream
>>He lived in my neighborhood because his dad was a pilot and they had a plot next to my house to let the pilots live. His dad was a pilot.
>>me & ted chilled out at his house, we played sonic, smash n shit
>>Ted had an older sister who went to another noncoed school
>>Let's call her Amy
>>Amy was short, cute, brunette and nerdy af and loved hanging with us but hanging out with girls was a loser thing at the time (we wer kids)
>>Used to hangout at their house almost everyday but never mine for some reason.
>>The only parent that was present was their mom, who was a stay at home.
>>She was fine with me and actually liked having me around
>>I used to walk over to their house all the time, me ted and amy would bike around but amy was a bit different because she had one of those razor scooters and we used to make fun of it
>> every weekend was basically the 3 of us (me, ted and amy) begging their parents to take us to the mall or we would chill at their place then bike to baskin robbins
>>Sometimes we would also hangout with my cousin & my best friend but never with amy
>>shit was amazing & we wer inseparable
>>FF 1.5 yrs ted & amy moved 30 minutes away to a townhouse & joined new school
>>saw them once or twice after that but it just completely stopped for some reason
>>I regret not taking their phone number (we used house phones)
>>After they left I started becoming a loner and going through puberty
>>Started wearing a black jacket everyday even in desert summer.
>>Weekends were the only days I was allowed to hangout so I was alone till then
>>It would be me my cousin and my best friend
>>Main topic of convo was girls (We were 14)
>>they asked me what happened to Ted
>> Told them he moved and now no idea. I also told them about his sister and how hot she was but they didnt believe me and thought I made her up
>> I got a bit weirder. I was a loner and didnt have any friends
>>started liking anime and stuff
>>things got bad for me
>>Chad started bullying me and pretty soon entire class joined in
>>they called me many things from faggot, robot, jew to “error”because I pronounced it err-rr (like an american). Yes I had many nicknames.
>>TFW no friends so I just used to walk around the playground or eat sandwich alone
>>People used to kick my bag around, steal my pencil case play pass with it & sometimes steal my jacket and hide it.
>>Couldnt stand up for myself cos I was 5ft7 noodle arm weirdo loner.
>>even the teachers felt bad for me. They used to comfort me or ask me to join them from time to time
>>had best friend and cousin but they were not in same school
>>was alone most of the time. Never got depressed tho just sad.
>>Came home from school and saw my brother looking at his old bike
>>he was deciding whether he should throw it away
>>told him no way cos it was sentimental to me (Ted & amy times)
>>decided to take it on a ride to baskin robbins
>>See chad at baskin robbins sitting with 2 other guys
>>One of them was huge, buffed out and the other one was a regular dude
>>I ignore them and walk straight to the ice cream and pick my flavor
>>Chad makes a joke and starts laughing at his joke
>>6ft tall Buff dude stands up and shouts “ANON???”
>>look at him and pause for a second… “holy shit... TED???”
>>Ted said to chad “U know this guy?”
>>Chad: “yeah everyone makes fun of him, we call him robot”
>>Ted didnt say anything I just assumed he was alpha now so I made it quick and told them I had to go cos moms waiting yada yada.
>>Chad said “robot u should join us”, the last time he did that they threw things at me so I wanted to bolt, told them I had to go again.
>>I didnt even get the ice cream.
>>As I was picking up my bike Ted tried to talk but I cut him off and told him I had to go.
>>One of the worst feelings I ever had going back home.
>>I was always a really hard egg and never really cried, not even as a child
>>Also I am strangely more tolerant than everyone else I know. So i just took all punishments
>>Ted stopped by my house, he tried to talk to me.
>> He came by a few times and we caught up on stuff, he came by a few more times and brought his sister but I became really beta and made it seem that I wanted to remain distant. Even had my maid tell them I wasn't there.
>> If I ever saw them outside it was just hi’s, bye’s and rarely small talk. Same goes for Amy
>>Miss the old days
>>still get bullied in new school by entire class mostly and chad rarely
>>It got bad... really bad..
>>Hurt more when I found out chad was friends with ted.
>>Heard him talking sometimes how he was dating his sister
>>Crushed me inside
>>I felt that Ted and Amy thought that I was a loser.
>>Come home one day, Amy is in my driveway, alone. She waited outside because her brother told her about my bullying. She wanted to talk about it but I didnt want to talk about it and neither did I want her pity.
>>I ignored all their attempts to talk to me.
>>felt really bad..I looked like a loser infront of her.
I’m all out
>>FF 1 more yr
>>I was around 16, 10th grade
>> bullying got less towards end of year
>>made alot of friends in 10th year and it became a full group at 11th
>>get idea & decided that i needed to buff up
>>Got a trainer and started training
>>Trainer says we start gym cos my house gym didn't have enough equipment
>>went to gym near my house & saw ted
>>Ted offered to help out and asked if we could train together
>>Me and my trainer agreed
>>We talked for hours and shit got better between us
>>Pretty soon we were frequent at the gym
>>I got addicted to paintball
>>After that me and Ted got close again, we started going out alot more again and sometimes with chad
>>Paintball was one of our frequents
>>Some friday’s I would eat lunch at ther house (Im muslim, friday lunch is sunday lunch 4 christfags)
>>Amy was going through a phase in 12th grade she got shy but was still cool. She was a lot weirder, acne now but still 8/10 for me short girl, about 5 ft 5, short black hair, bony, doofus I remember but now carries a polaroid camera & wears a jacket over her school uniform. She had 2 jackets one was pink the other grey.
>>We hung out and she used to hug me. It was the first time a girl ever hugged me.
>>played our old games and some new ones
>>She got really shy around me and I didnt know at the time but she had been crushing on me for a while.
>>Also found out that Chad never dated his sister, it was all talk
>>One day me and Ted were at his place eating oreos and watching simpsons. Amy was going to some school swim thing and wanted to know if we wanted to join. She was self conscious of how she looked but so was I, so I told her that me and Ted wer goin gym.
>>While we wer at the gym Ted was finishing one of his sets and got a call on his motorolla flip phone it was from Amy and she just started screaming we couldnt make out what she said. Ted was wondering what it was so we called his mom and she didnt answer. Ted tried calling Amy back but no answer. We started panicking cos Amy always answers and never calls unless its important.
>>We told the trainer to go home and ran to my driver and told him to take us to her school
>>When we reached we ran to the pool and we saw Amy naked and alone in the corner. Some guy was guy getting out of the changing rooms looking fresh and there was another voice in the changing room.. It was Chad. It took Ted a few seconds to process what they did to Amy. Then he snapped and started beating the shit out of them. I ran directly to her and she started screaming as if a demon possessed her. I grabbed her and held her tight but she screamed for a really long time. I cried a bit. I hadnt cried before that in a really really long time (since I was a child).
>>753323587
Depression you is struggling to keep you under control, so you can be miserable in a way that you know and understand. I get it, I've been there dude.
And you will feel miserable there as well, not gonna lie, but it's gonna be the sort of miserable that comes with doing new things that scare you, because they might actually make a change in you for the better. That's scary as well, I remember thinking, but if I'm not like this, who am I?
And the answer is, whatever person you need to be to get through this and grow from the experience.
I changed radically once I started facing this head on and doing something about it. I became more honest and aware of my needs and with time more forgiving of myself as well. I even eventually started liking some things about myself. All of which was very alien to me.
But it is this sort of thing that will build your character and make you ready for most of the shit life might lob your way.
>>Ted came to see how Amy was and realised she would let go of me. He started bawling like a little girl before he went to get help.
>>Amy started crying things I will never forget. She said things like who will love me now? (Even Though she’s british, in my culture virginity is something big). Never in my life had I felt so bad for a person.
>>Amy just started repeating herself again & again whos gonna love me? After about 20 times of repeating it I replied I would and she started screaming like a demon again. I cried again.
>>After that Ted went to call the police
>> Amy looked down and never at me and said to me in a choking voice I wanted you to be my first. Those words stuck with me for the rest of my life.
>> The police came and Ted was arrested along with Chad and other guy. Other guy parents had something to do with politics and he was taken somewhere else.
>>This shit wasnt even on the fucking newspaper AND I BET ITS BECAUSE OF THAT FUCK POLITICIAN SON NOTHING EVEN HAPPENED TO HIM PROBABLY JUST A SLAP ON THE WRIST
>>It was exam time at school and I just didnt give a fuck. I told my driver to go straight to their house everyday and sometimes I would escape school early to go see Amy.
>>Every time I visited Amy didnt want to see me. Well.. I couldn’t tell because her parents wouldnt let me near her.
>>They stayed in the country for 15-20 days then Ted got out of jail.
>>They left without saying anything. Their numbers dont work. They just picked up and left.
>>I felt so bad. I cried alot and I was depressed as hell. I felt so alone.
Things got much better after this but its 2017 and I searched facebook havent found them.
What do u guys think of chap 1? should I upload more details to my life or the subject? loads more happened but I’m tired af to write anything lol.
Thinking of uploading chap 2
My life is currently about to get into chapter 3, The end of BTC, graduation from uni and drafting to the military. Tell me what you guys think!
>>I had many crushes, events and alot of things that happened in between but im really trying to keep it short
https://hooktube.com/watch?v=ULjCSK0oOlI
Some more Paul Simon
>>753324123
Damn dude that was rough
Yeah. I know.
Things got alot better though. Im still wealthy and I rarely think about it. Right now I've got a military draft to worry about starting on the 10th of jan. Also im graduating on dec 16 but im not happy cos college is a waste imo.
>>753324749
also pic related. I live in fl atm
>>753324077
Yeah... Yeah, I see what you're saying. I just have to push myself, and get the help I need, and I'll be able to actually be happy for once... I guess the big challenge here is gonna be figuring out how I'm going to get myself checked into a ward while still looking for work and going to college...
Not drunk, but feeling depressed.
>30 yo
>still on 4chan
>married, wife is 7.5 months pregnant
>relationship has been broken for a while
>only really realized it in the past half year
>Moved away from friends and family for this chick
>My only local friends are her friends
>Been drinking for years to self medicate against loneliness and depression
>Not realizing what I'm doing
>Wife reaches a breaking point, tells me to stop drinking or leave
Been sober a month now, in a recovery program to help it along. Sobriety is easier than I thought, but I realize now in the cold light of day that being lit 24/7 was the only way I could deal with her ass. Everything she does annoys me. She's removed me from my support network, broken my free spirit with her anxiety and social inhibitions, disinterest in my hobbies/activities. This relationship killed the person I used to be. I've been withdrawing from my old friends back home, because that's less painful than trying to carry on the friendships knowing I'll only see them once or less per year.
I want to leave, so badly. She knows it on some level. Fuck me, though, I have a son on the way in a few months. I can't just give up so easily.
>>753324866
Yeah, as I said earlier, do one task at the time.
Sounds like you're a bit better off now anon, so I'm gonna head to bed before the sun rises.
You've got this, one step at the time.
>>753325082
Thank you, anon... Yeah, I got the semi-nightly panic attack out of my system tonight... Thank you again for helping me out. I'll be lurking the thread if anyone else wants to chime in or needs help. Have a good night's rest, man.
>>753325370
You too when you get to it. I think we both might need a good nap after this.
I wish you the best.
>>753294354
sugary alcohols are harder to absorb. try drinking it on a completely empty stomach
>>753325608
I managed to get decently trashed on some vodka I had storeed. I'm assuming the levels of ethanol I've consumed tonight would counter any methanol I might have consumed (if any). Thanks for the tip, though, I'll keep that in mind next time I go shopping for liquor.
>>753297814
Which one anon?
>>753326355
Don't worry, I got better.
>tfw know a few hot guys but most of them are probably not interested
>>753326487
Honestly good to hear that man.
>>753322223
Not Op but counseling dosent work for shit
>tfw depressed and slept in for several hours
I love you guys we are all one, I hope the best comes to you.
>>753328387
That's me literally every day, man. My natural sleep schedule is fucked because of it. Go to bed at 4am, get up at 2pm
>>753328663
I manage to stay somewhat in line at least since I don't drink and I limit caffeine intake at night.
>>753329379
I don't even drink coffee, except in the early morning if I need to get up super early, or if I'm having an especially bad day. My body just naturally does this now, whether I want it to or not. :^ )
>>753313251
you're not gay.
if you can just decide that that was dysfunctional because he was an asshole, you were accepting of less than what you truly desire then you could probably figure out how to be confident pursuing a straight relationship, if you wanted to..
if you are gay, confused, etc. then this is totaly on him for not knowing what he wants and treating you like garbage..
you deserve better
>>753324009
Who's this from anon?
Bump
How is this thread still going? How long did I sleep for?
>>753325018
Smoke weed anon
>>753323670
Kinda gay, but when I'm trying to figure out what I need to improve on I use nonviolent communication's needs list.
Say that you're not focusing on anything in the meaning section, you'll likely get depressed because despite doing everything rationally/right you can be neglecting something you weren't trained to go after.
>>753305468
I slept for nearly 6 hr HOW THE FUCK IS THIS THREAD STILL GOING!
>>753331833
insomnia keeps feels threads strong
>>753331877
Sweet.
Got some vodka and cider down the hatch now so back on my "feet", what did I miss?
