BAM! BAM! BAM! BAM! BAM! BAM! BAM! BAM! BAM! BAM! BAM! BAM! BAM! BAM! BAM! BAM! BAM! BAM! BAM! BAM! BAM! BAM! BAM! BAM! BAM! BAM! BAM!
That's the sound of a robber kicking down your door.
How will you defend yourself?
I'll eat his ass
wit dis
>>748189053
Give em a lil kiss
Got a pretty sturdy door. By the time he gets through I'll already have called the police and got my valuables together and leave ou the back way with the family to watch from afar as he gets arrested. Otherwise everything is insured. There is nothing that cannot be replaced.
>>748189053
>grab gun
>load magazine
>chamber a .40 caliber bullet
>robber breaks in, ready to rob
>take aim
>"goodbye, motherfucker"
>blow own brains out
can't rob me now, bitch. whatchugonna do?
Wrath.
actually thats the sound of me filling that bitch with bullets
>>748189259
What about your dignity?
>>748189053
If the robber needs 27 kicks to bring down my flimsy door, I will feel sorry for him and gladly give him my money so that he can buy something to eat and hit the gym.
>>748189053
Judging by the amount of banging, I'm more worried about his safety.
>>748189053
run of course i don't own guns
>>748189053
i tek out me gun ya braf init
i aim at de robba init
and te ting goes skrrrrraaa
ta ta ta ta ta ta
pam pam pam boom boom
I live in England. We're not allowed to defend ourselves.
BAM! BAM! BAM!
Thats the sound of two in the chest and one in the head from my .40TAC as soon as that door swings open.
>>748189359
He gave that up when he failed to own a gun.
>>748189174
love the stereo part...
Have an apple.
*BANG BANG*
What's that I couldn't hear you over the sound of this 9mm
>>748189602
okay tough guy
>>748189570
a robba's not hot , never hot
take off da jacket , mans not hot
2 plus 2 equals 4 minus 1 = 3 quick math
With my glock 17
>>748189053
Cum on his face
![free-shrugs[1].jpg](https://i.imgur.com/sbt9tjz.jpg "free-shrugs[1].jpg")
>>748189053
with my door, apparently. if he kicks it 27 times without breaking it, he's probably not going to be able to kick it down.
>>748189814
You disagree with my decision. I suppose you'd just bend over and gape your faggot ass for the fucking, huh? I wouldnt even have to ride to the police station - just another dead criminal.
>>748189053
Omae wa mu shinderu
>>748189248
With a hollow point.
>>748189265
>>748189602
>>748189053
>could you please stop?
>>748189053
I won't. When I'm dead, I won't have to pay student loans.
>>748190035
Nani?!
Crowbar behind my closet, kitchen knives in on the kitchen counter, telescopic baton and a box opener right here on my desk, tactical pen in my bag by the entrance... just pick a point of entrance, nigga, and i'll pick whatever is the closest.
![qG7neTB[1].png](https://i.imgur.com/yatbIFR.png "qG7neTB[1].png")
>>748189053
with my superior memes.
>>748189908
That's not a G17... nice try tho.
>>748189908
lol, nice "glock"
>>748190137
I honestly don't understand this mindset. So you WOULDN'T defend yourself or your family? Suppose you'd invite him up to your daughter's room and lube her crotch up for him? Maybe go ahead and jam his cock in your wife's mouth so you can watch? Or maybe you'd just take that one for the team, huh? Pathetic is not defending your family. I would have no more thought of taking his life or anyone else's who broke into my home that I would putting down a rabid dog. Just a bag of meat at that point.
>>748189053
Call the police, Pull my pants down, bend over, and pray to Hillary Clinton for protection
>Get lock sock
>Spin the lock sock in unison with my dick, hynoptizing and shocking the opponent into submission
>If female, rape
>If male, also rape
>>748190012
We are hitting Internet Tough Guy levels that aren't possible.
You ever pulled the trigger on someone without being a milfag thats been roboted out to do it? You think of the most autistic reasons on Earth why that person should live. I have, I watched him bleed out and I fucking hate people and I still hesitated because your mind is still trying to figure out any solution that isnt that. The 2nd, 3rd, 4th taps were easy cause robbers have sued people in this state and won but the first one is a doozy.
>>748189908
that's not even real. nor a glock 17.
>>748190137
>>748190566
>the belt of ammo is so long its dragging along the ground
>to protect my “family”
>maybe im overdoing it
I carry a Smith and Wesson 44 magnum with hollow points so I don't have to wait for him to finish breaking down my door. Or I could drop down to the floor like a feral dog man and charge him smeegul style howling like a deaf woman being fucked
>>748189053
>lactose intolerant
>down the whole milk container
>eats bucket of ice cream
>he's breaking through the door
>butt cheeks can no longer hold it
>as door falls down my ass shoots out a hot shit stream in the burglars face
>>748190681
I sincerely think you believe that. And maybe I'd go to therapy afterwards. But my kids and wife will be alive. I've stared straight into pleading eyes and ended lives before. The only second thoughts I'd have might come after.
>>748190566
insecure wanker
>>748191012
Hollowpoints will expand on the door. .44 SW is what five rounds?
>>748189265
ohh man you got me with this one bro
>>748191012
oh the metaphor...
>>748190566
What the fuck did you just fucking say about me, you little bitch? I’ll have you know I graduated top of my class in the Navy Seals, and I’ve been involved in numerous secret raids on Al-Quaeda, and I have over 300 confirmed kills. I am trained in gorilla warfare and I’m the top sniper in the entire US armed forces. You are nothing to me but just another target. I will wipe you the fuck out with precision the likes of which has never been seen before on this Earth, mark my fucking words. You think you can get away with saying that shit to me over the Internet? Think again, fucker. As we speak I am contacting my secret network of spies across the USA and your IP is being traced right now so you better prepare for the storm, maggot. The storm that wipes out the pathetic little thing you call your life. You’re fucking dead, kid. I can be anywhere, anytime, and I can kill you in over seven hundred ways, and that’s just with my bare hands. Not only am I extensively trained in unarmed combat, but I have access to the entire arsenal of the United States Marine Corps and I will use it to its full extent to wipe your miserable ass off the face of the continent, you little shit. If only you could have known what unholy retribution your little “clever” comment was about to bring down upon you, maybe you would have held your fucking tongue. But you couldn’t, you didn’t, and now you’re paying the price, you goddamn idiot. I will shit fury all over you and you will drown in it. You’re fucking dead, kiddo.
>>748191123
6. And the wood and metal fragment shrapnel would disable and or discourage him
>>748190966
It's a handgun fuckwit. No need for all the drama.
>>748189053
if your door needs 27 hits of BAM! ithink you be ok
>>748189602
You obviously don't own a gun, they teach you to never aim for the head, you're looking to stop the intruder, not kill him
>>748189053
I live in a proper house, nobody is gonna kick my door down.
At what robber burgles a house with someone in it?
>>748191290
>BAM! BAM! BAM! BAM! BAM! BAM!
>Door starts chipping and peeling
>Sounds and looks like someone is hammering on the door really really loudly
"Well this is discouraging."
>be me
>be bomb expert
>uh oh
>BAM! BAM! BAM! BAM! BAM! BAM! BAM! BAM! BAM! BAM! BAM! BAM! BAM! BAM! BAM! BAM! BAM! BAM! BAM! BAM! BAM! BAM! BAM! BAM! BAM! BAM! BAM!
>someone's trying to break in
>dog walks up to me
>dog is 10 years old, and has canceraids
>begging to die
>lightbulb.gif
>strap an RC blasting gel bomb to dog's bag
>open front window where robber is breaking in
>throw dog out
>dog runs to robber
>BAM!
>all in a day's work here in alabama
Open door, grab foot, knock out and kidnap, shove in basement feed only vaigrea and rape until robber dies
>>748191435
No. I own 18 guns. And that's why it's two in the chest, you ignorant defenseless liberal fuck. I'm not aiming for the head. Center of mass. I went through state police training. The head is just to make sure i dont have to listen to his side of the story.
>>748190566
Of course I'd shoot the fuck out of someone kicking my door down. I just wouldn't be an overbearing faggot about it like you. And fuck your .40TAC bullshit btw. That's just fucking gay. Nobody gives a fuck about whatever that is.
>>748191570
About 50% in the US. It's called home invasion. And you're lucky if they've come to steal.
>>748189053
defend myself from what? A robber? Is he going to attack me as well as try to rob me? Or is the robbery the attack?
Either case I live on a boat. I don't own a tv, don't own a computer, don't own a phone. My cash is securely locked inot me treasure chest down at the bank. They might try to steal the boat but I will have ample time to pull the two plugs keeping her afloat should I ever feel threatened.
Or perhaps one of my crewmembers shoots the fucker before he even boards.
either case, I am not worried
>>748191673
sounds legit
>>748189053
But rape him until he bleeds out internally and continue until I get off, then take a picture of his defiled corpse, check his wallet for ID and send the pictures to his family telling them not to fuck with me
>>748189265
Kek
>>748191118
>stared into pleading eyes
Bulllllllllllllllllllsssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiiiiitttt.
I do believe what I said. It happened. .38 snub stomach gun (i.e. put snub against stomach and pull trigger). There is no staring, no pleading. Everything slows down and you remember everything for that moment but you arent coherent. Your adrenaline is banging on your skull. My entire family was/is smugglers. Thats our tradional occupation. I'm not unaccustomed to rumbling and that adrenal spike happens during, after and kicks you like a mule the next day.
>>748191435
>Using rubber bullets
>>748189053
Hi. Professional fighter from UK here.
How would I defend myself? ERM professional fighter from UK
>>748189053
Strip down and start jacking, have a massive knife in other hand. When he gets through my door i will run at him with the kbife over my head and furiously masturbating. If a fattass with a massive knife who is jerking at him doesnt make the fuck run nothing will.
>>748191290
True
>>748191089
Plot twist: It's his fetish.
>nigga was hard as it is from all this crime he did to your door.
>sees a gaping shithole with a fresh stream of steamy goodness.
>gets 30% harder, 50 % longer, +20% magical resistance
>plugs your poopshoot with his horse-like cork, creating a tight seal that could withstand 2500 PSI
>as the insertion ensues, your bowels act like a giant syringe, pushing your lactose abundant putrid liquid back the way from which it came.
>in moment's notice, you find yourself tasting your own shit, as a high pressure stream of feces gashing through your nose.
>you can now use the sentence "that shit backfired" literally.
>>748191685
Did you graduate top of your class?
I made something just for this occasion!
Get rolling.
>>748191570
Many robbers are stupid to break into houses with people in them. Don't assume they will run away when they get discovered. That's when they take out their knives and guns and kill you.
>>748191918
Use a long weapon.
>>748191774
If a robber enters my home to rob my place and I'm home how is that gonna go down? Isn't burglary reliant on nobody seeing you?
And what else is a robber gonna do besides, you know, robbing?
>>748189265
>>748191969
>That's when they take out their knives and guns and kill you.
Why would a robber ever do that? If they don't want to get caught it's the most stupid thing they can do.
>>748191737
So.... you'd use what? .22? .380? Good luck with that.
>>748191685
LMAO! "state police training" Watch out /b/ros we've got a badass over here!
>>748191774
What's the statistic if you don't count roody poos?
>>748190379
Kek
>>748189053
Well. As a recently married man. Id offer up my Japanese wife's pussy or mouth for him. So we both get to live AND I satisfy a fetish. Gg>>748189053
>>748192043
>And what else is a robber gonna do besides, you know, robbing?
Tie you up, force you to watch as they rape and murder your wife and kids.
>>748192146
Sure, they might get caught... but you won't be alive to see it. You'll be dead in your living room or bed with 20 stabs in the chest.
>>748191784
What device did you post this with?
extremely effective
>>748191159
that chain is way too long
>>748189053
I'll sit and laugh because I live in the UK and my door isn't made of fucking twigs.
>>748192179
0.0%
>>748189053
My pellet gun looks like a pest control rifle at first glance. Niggers around here pretty much never pack heat. If the shitskin doesn't run scared from thinking he is gonna get shot, I keep it loaded with penetrators that sail straight through half inch hardwood boards and if all else fails the stock is solid oak.
>>748190566
>Implying you have any family that hasn't left out of embarrassment
>>748191936
>>748192266
>Tie you up, force you to watch as they rape and murder your wife and kids.
Who lives in a lawless shithole where stuff like that happens? Even in South Africa that happens once a decade.
>Sure, they might get caught... but you won't be alive to see it. You'll be dead in your living room or bed with 20 stabs in the chest.
Dito.
>>748192320
You better have thicker doors with all the shit you guys have going on over there.
Plus, doors are weak by design. Guarantee your door can be kicked in.
>>748191963
>63 Points
Alright. Imma melt both guns, and utilize this.
That leaves me with 26 points.
>>748192506
My mistake, that's 24 points.
>>748191615
>>748192259
where do you live?
>>748191873
The only thing you've ever smuggled is plug up your ass. And the count is 37 on pleading eyes the last time I checked. 74 if you count them individually. Your story smells of horseshit, boy.
>>748192151
I'd probably grab whatever gun I could get my hands on. Preferably a shotgun. Not all of us walk about with 40TAC's holstered to their belt all day. And for the record, 380's and 22's are better than nothing. They can both kill the fuck out of someone.
>>748192492
>doors are weak by design. Guarantee your door can be kicked in.
Wat?
>>748189053
27 hits to knock down my old, flimsy, apartment door?
I won't even need the crowbar for this pansy.
I'll beat him to death with an 11 inch dildo instead.
>>748191936
Kek
>>748189053
Well, since it took the robber 27 kicks, roughly 60 seconds, I've already woken up, loaded my bed side gun, responded to the door, and "a wait" their arrival through the threshold.
>>748189053
By sending his soul to the shadow realm
clean
>>748189053
If he has had to kick that many times I doubt he is getting in.
>>748192489
You must live in a extremely sheltered life in a gated communities with only white people if you think home invasions only happen in lawless shitholes.
>>748192489
Well in the US , the DOJ breaks it down like this:
"An estimated 3.7 million burglaries occurred each year on average from 2003 to 2007. *A household member was present in roughly 1 million burglaries and became victims of violent crimes in 266,560 burglaries"
>>748192899
dubs
>>748192492
By a 98 pound woman, if she knows where to kick.
>>748192875
if he kicks the door in, that gun would just slam right into your balls.
>i shout "come on then u cunt lets be having you"
>he thinks im a football hooligan who fights fuckers for fun
>runs off
>win
>>748192689
I saw someone shot with a .25 auto, went down like a wet dishrag, dead, all the gun junkies laugh at .25s but that's my experience.
>>748193230
>then woke up raped in middle of the living room
>TV missing
>apparently door slammed open into face at a considerable velocity.
>>748192293
Extremely. Best home defense weapon there is. Only have to shoot once, then mop up after. 00Buck is as good as and fistfull of .38 slugs.
>>748192320
But i bet the frame is.
>>748192875
>>748189053
>>748193289
It works fine unless they're wearing a heavy coat. The penetration is dodgy at that point.
>>748193518
You sure showed him...
>>748192964
For reference that's 1 incident for every 100 people in the US.
>>748192964
In Germany (yes, the place your president tells you is overrun by criminals from the middle-east) we had about 150,000 burglaries in 2016 (the number has been going down for decades, so it's propably lower by now). In about 10% of burglaries in privately own houses (not flats or company buildings) the inhabitans were present, because the burglars didn't realise someone was home. In exactly zero cases the burglar turned to violence (although some home owners acted in self-defense).
It looks like this statistic is pretty much representative for all countries in the west (France, Great Britain, Sweden, Italy, Spain, Poland, Australia, New Zealand, Canada etc.).
In short: What the fuck is wrong with your country?
>>748192875
thanks for the free reaction asshole
>>748193819
I'd answer, but then you'd call me a racist.
>>748193819
Think about the racial makeup of the US vs those countries, I think you'll figure it out.
>>748193770
no, that's 1 incident for roughly every 1200 people
>>748191685
This guy wins. Everyone else shut the fuck up.
>>748193840
that's shit.
>>748189053
I don't have to. My door was strong enough to withstand 27 full powered kicks from a grown man. Its obviously reinforced, it could withstand another 27. Fuck him, he'll tired himself out or I'll call the damn cops like a sane human.
>>748193959
Are you that shit a people?
>>748189053
>implying you can kick in my door
glhf
Fear not, my vicious attack dog will take care of the intruder....not.
Eh im too stoned to do anything so w/e
>>748194029
It's Native Americans?
>>748193819
Germany = 83 million people
United States = 323 million people
Do you want to discuss your 0.3% population of.... well, let's say "criminally prone individuals" vs our 15%?
>>748192676
Well I better watch my begging, pleading eyes or John Rambo will go First Blood on me.
>count
K. Its fun to talk and not so much to shoot. Trust me lil guy.
Pic related is everything I have to defend myself with... It doesn't look too good for me
>>748194360
In a survey they collected the reasons why people turned to burglary in Germany. The reasons were: financial troubles, lack of perspective, and an addiction to the rush; so it's socio-economic problems.
What have you done to 15% of your population to make them "criminally prone"?
>>748193289
I saw my dad light up a Ranger (wildlife not army) once with a fucking .22P+ and they went in his chest and some came out near his leg. He didnt die instantly but he sure as shit was done for the day.
>>748189174
that looks like a fun sex toy id love it in my ass
9/11
>>748193819
>In Germany......(the number has been going down for decades
BULLSHIT.
The burglary rate has been rising nonstop for the last few years.
You can look this up on the website of every federal police police website.
I make money selling and installing mechanical anti-burglary devices and the demand has risen so much during the last few years.
At the same time I am getting called to fix the damage after a burglary and these jobs have risen almost exponentially as well.
The scary thing is that this is no longer limited to cities but has reached remote villages as well.
>yes, the place your president tells you is overrun by criminals from the middle-east
Read the police reports in any german city. Just because your newspaper does not report on it does not mean it does not happen
>>748194950
>What have you done to 15% of your population to make them "criminally prone"?
rap music
>>748191435
Who is 'they'?
I own several guns, but whoever 'they' is has never instructed me on where to aim.
Rip ded
>>748191435
>you're looking to stop the intruder, not kill him
FUN FACT:
Killing the intruder stops them 100% of the time.
>>748194927
>>748195384
>You can look this up on the website of every federal police police website.
Where do you think I got those numbers? Although they said that 2016 was a new low in burglary numbers and that they had been going down since 1990, so maybe there has been some flux in between.
What the police websites also said was that most of the organised burglars came from Eastern Europe (Albania, Romania, Bulgaria, Russia, Ukraine) and not all of these places are muslim.
>>748195401
you monsters
>>748194144
This door can be just broken in half.
Here in a sane part of middle east every door (literally over 95% of the entrance doors) is a thick metal door with central locking system that locks into frame by 4 rods. Yes, hinge side has its own rod.
>>748195818
Hey, at least I admit I'd probably end up dead
>>748193819
Shut up and kiss me you fucking sexy kraut.
>>748196222
Grab what can be a weapon and strike.
>>748196308
I'm just now realising the "then" is missing an n.
>>748196382
It's okay I'm already highly aroused anyways.
>>748196553
and they say chivalry is dead
>>748195980
http://www.spiegel.de/panorama/justiz/einbrueche-zahl-der-wohnungseinbrueche-steigt-erneut-stark-an-a-1084583.html
You have to take into account that crime ridden shitholes like Berlin only register a fraction of all crimes officially. They only register cases that have a chance of being solved.
>and not all of these places are muslim
Nobody said that. Professional burglars are usually from eastern Europe, mostly romanians.
Muslims commit crimes like violent assault and rape.
>>748197320
Plus a lot of people don't even bother calling the cops.
>>748197320
isn't the german word for police 'polizei' and not 'der spiegel'?
>>748197320
and isn't 'bayern' just bavaria?
>>748189053
I'm within arm's reach of a .40 caliber pistol with ten rounds loaded. So...
>>748194927
is that a fucking spellbook?
is the sword just a LARP prop?
>>748189359
I'll enjoy watching him in court getting locked up. Safe in the knowledge he will be "looked after" in prison.
>>748189053
I don't really have anything to defend myself but a souped up Nerf gun and a plate carrier, but they can bang on my door all they want. The door and frame is steel and I live in the dorms on base. If they try to go through the window, though, I'll just go through to my roommate's room (the doors and frames in the bathroom are also steel).
>>748190681
Shoot to kill. If they die, they can't fucking sue.
>>748191873
> We are hitting Internet Tough Guy levels that aren't possible.
>>748191435
You fucking dipshit, you're aiming for center mass because the head moves too much, not because you're not looking to kill the fucker.
They can still die.
>>748198294
He'll cop a plea deal, do thirty days in county with a year's probation, and hell be back on your doorstep in a month with a partner blocking the back exit. Then he'll rape your youngest child with a rusty screwdriver while you and your freshly inseminated bride watch from the sidelines.
Congrats! You didn't have to shoot anybidy!
>>748191122
> wanker
>>> England
you don't have a choice anyways
>>748198022
It is a spell book, yes.
And the sword isn't even a LARP prop, I just liked it so I bought it for mostly a dedication piece
>>748189053
I've only ever been robbed when I haven't been home.
>3 times in one fucking week
>>748197636
>>748197722
(You)
>and isn't 'bayern' just bavaria?
I can only add one picture at once. Here`s Baden-Württemberg for you. You want me to post all 16 states?
>isn't the german word for police 'polizei' and not 'der spiegel'?
What are you implying? I pasted the spiegel because it already has the topic in the URL.
The official BKA Site does not have "polizei" in its URL as well.
But since youre so pedantic about a URL containing "polizei" here`s a link for you:
http://www.polizei-beratung.de/themen-und-tipps/diebstahl-und-einbruch/einbruchsdiebstahl/fakten/
>>748189053
BAM! BAM! BAM!
That's the sound of me shooting through the door
>>748189053
>let him inside
>he sees my home interior
>feels bad for me
>here anon, take this
>hands me his gun so i could sell it and feed my sorry off that money for another few days
>i-is it loaded?
>ohsheeeeiiiiiit.jpg
>goodbyecruelworld.webm
>put myself out of my misery
>all is good again
>it was the best day ever
>>748198824
Does the spellbook work?
>>748189053
The way i did a couple month ago. Run to my gun cabinet, take out my rifle and start eating. Killed me 1 motherfucker.
>>748199381
The book itself doesn't do anything, but it does contain spells that work, sigils, and my notes
>>748199706
POST IT
>>748198940
I'm implying that it's weird how this fucker >>748193819 talked about the hole of germany and the year 2016 and you post statistics for seperate states and that are at least two years old. that's what i would expect from someone trying to conceal something.
but who cares anyway.
>>748199706
Can you put a spell on me that helps with my insomnia and maybe gets me some pussy?
>>748189053
through jihad
I'll shit on the floor next to the door, and then star masturbating with my crotch up in the air and then I will say "the dinner... is served!"
>>748189053
what kind of dumbfuck thief knocks 27 times?
>>748200026
what kind of dumbfuck thief knows at all?
>>748200091
*knocks
thanks, phone
I gotta shotgun, so I'm good.
>>748189053
hawk him/her with pic related, i have the same hawk
>>748199777
I'm not home anymore, nor would I if I was.
>>748199812
Possibly, I've never actually tried to influence another specific person yet. Bedside spells like that often work better and more easily if done on yourself
>>748189053
If he tried kicking in my door 27 times with no luck, i am not worried
>>748189053
I keep one of those in the halway
as useful as hatched as melee
way better at throwing
it's also way better at getting food (most wild edibles is underground), half as decent at woodcutting and way superior at digging/shelter building duh
also cheaper and harder to break/dull
yes I'm slav
>>748189437
This.
>>748200358
Why do you own that?
>>748200384
It would be amazing to just be able to sleep normally
>>748189259
>durr sir calm down wuts ur address
>clearly states address
>sir please calm down
help can never get there in time
>>748189053
I've got a flashlight that as a strobe function. It will be very flashy and scary. Also a boat horn.
>>748189053
>sit back
>watch dogs maul said nigger, sorry. robber
>wait for cops to respond to intrusion alarm
>>748200903
>Multiple robbers armed with pistols, shotguns and SMPs kill all your dogs
>>748189053
my door wont open inwards, so good luck kicking it
>>748200384
>I've never actually tried to influence another specific person yet
Wizard here.
A work to help with insomnia would be a good idea, but the "maybe get me some pussy" spell is just asking for trouble. Magic done for selfish reasons is almost as bad of an idea as magic done for money (as in getting paid to cast for someone else over something you don't even care about personally).
You'd need something to personally link to the guy whose insomnia you'd be trying to help, though. Casting for "that anonymous guy on the internet" would be a total waste of time. Blood works best, if you're squeamish you can use hair but to less effect.
>>748201019
>live on puppy mill
>send out more dogs until robbers run out of ammo
>send out more dogs
>>748201019
I wish I had stuff worthy of that kind of robbing force.
>>748189053
BAM! BAM! BAM! BAM! BAM! BAM! BAM! BAM! BAM! BAM! BAM! BAM! BAM! BAM! BAM! BAM! BAM! BAM! BAM! BAM! BAM! BAM! BAM! BAM! BAM! BAM! BAM!
That's the sound of my dishwasher. I think it is broken.
>whip out 1 inch wonder
>robber cant stop laughing
>cry in corner wshite black robber rapes
>>748189437
Glad I found this so early in the thread.
>>748189724
Ameritard spotted
>>748200692
I'm sorry friend, even if I wanted to help I'm at work so I can't just perform a ritual at the moment.
>>748201029
What's your path working? Just curious
pick my hammer or my knife, if i have my axe inside iwould use it ofc. it would still be an intimidiating moment beacouse he would propably pick my hockey stick outside the house
>>748189053
The only way to protect yourself in a situation like that is grab some Astroglide, slather up your tender butthole, get on the bed on your knees and point your ass skyward.
>>748201019
that's why i have an intrusion alarm and a semi auto shotgun. :)
>>748201409
BAM! BAM! BAM! BAM! BAM! BAM! BAM! BAM! BAM! BAM! BAM! BAM! BAM! BAM! BAM! BAM! BAM! BAM! BAM! BAM! BAM! BAM! BAM! BAM! BAM! BAM! BAM!
Thats the sound of tennis shoes in my dryer
DEUS VULT
>>748189053
Take all of your clothes off do a helicopter and run at them yelling.
>>748201867
Kek
>>748199143
>>hands me his gun so i could sell it
No you stupid cracker, its for robbing shops
>>748201592
Erulian
Be careful if you look into it, the Runes are very powerful and Odin has a sense of humor. If you do something wrong, you'll get EXACTLY what you asked for instead of what you wanted.
>>748194927
>>748202056
>Crossguard
>>748189053
Ankle pick him and triangle choke
>>748189053
With my white privilege
>>748189053
I'll say I'm a hilary voter
> grab 20 lb fire extinguisher
> wait behind door
> blast crook in the face with dry chemicals
> throw extinguisher at crook or bludgeon him with it
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fWZFKoCnzUU
>>748189053
I go out back and get the Splitting Maul from my shed. Us country folk gotta make do.
>>748202743
I currently have no intentions of trying your path working. I just like asking people
Either a baseball bat or knife. Whichever is closer
>>748203382
Must be a cuck or from the uk!
Buy a gun bitch go to the range and practice quit being a puss cut fag bitch!
Liberalism is a disease! #findacure
>>748202874
>fagguard
>>748199706
Where did you learn all that stuff?
Where do I go to to learn all that stuff?
What's the spellbook?
>>748189053
CHIC CHIC! (Me cocking two shells in my double barrel shotgun). BOOOOMM! (Me pulling both triggers and cutting this motherfucker in half, because you can do that in my state to robbers.)
>>748191435
>you're looking to stop the intruder, not kill him
Actually when you shoot someone, especially someone who is a threat, you're suppose to shoot center mass, which will most likely kill them. Not like empty 20+ bullets into them, but if you think shooting someone in the feet is what you're suppose to do you're a fucking autist. There's been cases where robbers have been shot by people who only try to maim them, lived, then sued the person who shot them.
>>748200358
That cheap chinese mall ninja shit breaks upon use.
You're more likely to hurt yourself more than the burglar.
>>748204080
> cocking a double barrel shotgun
LMAO
>>748204121
> Not like empty 20+ bullets into them
If cops can magdump, so can I!
>>748189053
Well, I've got an AK that I can access within a matter of seconds from most places in my apartment. If not that, I've got a pistol in my bedroom, and knives, whacking sticks, and machetes and other tools at various places.
colt commander 1911 series 80. my wife has standing I instructions to lock herself in the closet with the Remington 800, shoot unless you hear the words police or i killed the duck head you can come out now
>>748204289
Well sure you can mag dump, but I doubt reloading multiple times after turning the robber into pulp will go from self defence to murder charges real quick.
>>748189053
Mr Pinchy snap snap.
>>748204483
Murder charges?
What, from the dead robber?
Luckily I'm not in a cuck'd state right now.
In any case, give me another Ferguson, please. ROBBER DINDU NUFFIN
>>748189359
lol my first thought
>>748204289
>LMAO
Some double-barrels have two double-action triggers. That way you can choose to cock both hammers and have a single shot of double-barrel or just cock one hammer and not have both go off every time you pull the trigger.
>>748203859
I learned it mostly from reading books that I got online, the occult and magick general threads have a mega link to a good library, read the beginners folder then see what feels right for you. I suggest avoiding the actual thread however. And the book is just my own personal Grimoire I bought it blank from a local metaphysical shop and filled it myself.
>>748189053
with my fist, fuckers weak AF if it takes that many kicks to break the door at the knob
I'd tell them to "Cut, It, Out" . https://youtu.be/MN72IOFs4zg
>>748204483
>I doubt reloading multiple times after turning the robber into pulp will go from self defence to murder charges real quick.
Yes, it can.
If you ever shoot someone, empty the gun but do not reload. Say you panicked. If you have the presence of mind to fire once and stop, or to reload the weapon, you can't use that excuse to get out of manslaughter charges. This goes for "crimes of passion" like shooting your wife's boyfriend, too. You can't claim temporary insanity if you were focused enough to reload the weapon.
>but dumping four mags into him IS crazy
Yes, but not the kind of crazy that will keep you out of jail.
Mossberg 500 A 12 gauge shot gun with pistol grips loaded with slugs or my ruger lcp 380 loaded with hollow points.
>>748189053
>turn bestiality x trap porn on television
>turn sound system volume to the highest setting
>begin moaning with extreme intensity
>splatter lotion, vanilla frosting anything white across all windows
>turn on multiple vibrating objects such as message devices
>save security footage and post on /gif/
Id use my tiger pit and give that nigger a good case of Stolkholm syndrome and take the internet by story by making him star in a series of anti black lives matter videos. He will thank me for showing the true decency of the white mans culture.
I'll use my wide collection of ancient samurai swords on him. He won't stand a chance.
>>748205584
>okcupid
You must be drowning in pussy.
>>748205584
kek. i actually do have such a collection.
>>748192043
>Isn't burglary reliant on nobody seeing you?
...no? You're thinking of catburglary, which is something movies invented to make stealing stuff seem like a job for white people.
>>748204579
This reminds me of the Dark Tower series.
>>748196032
god damn man, where do you live and why are you that serious about preventing home invasion? like don't get me wrong, I respect your dedication, but that's a lot of investment, no?
I will use my faith.
Lotta defenseless fucks in this thread.
Soon as the deadbolt or frame gives way they become a corpse.
i'd summon this security boy to save me
through bleach into his eyes and stab him
protegent
>>748189053
im gonna paint his dick off
meh it depends what room im in. if im upstairs in my bedroom id honestly jump out my window and call 911, if im on the ground floor where the door is id hide, sneak into the kitchen, grab a knife and sneak up behind him. not sure how thatd work tho lol.
>>748205437
"What's this money for?"
"Currency is a means of exchange. I'd use it to buy things."
"What?"
"It's a..."
First white person ever to experience police brutality.
>>748206000
shouldn't it be the star of david? if christian vampires are scared of the cross, jewish ones should be scared of the star.
>>748207033
It's a swastika you mongoloid.
>>748207264
Which is why you're retarded.
>>748207264
>>748189053
Cant break in if you have no door
>>748189265
>>748189053
Why is he so shit at kicking down doors?
>>748206000
>>748207033
>>748207264
>>748207423
the black cross there at the end was a swastika. come on get it together guys. That's how you repel the Blood sucking Jew. This works as well.
>>748207975
Doesn't make sense, though.
You don't repel a christian vampire with a pentagram, why would you repel a jewish vampire with a swastika?
unless...
you're implying that the jews were evil and the nazis were the ones with the power of god?
>>748208785
The Swastika is a cross made of two Sigrunes.
A Sigrune is not a lightning bolt like most people think, it's a ray of sunshine.
Vampires hate sunlight, so naturally they'd be repelled by a cross made of sunbeams.
>>748209157
i reply very fast.
>>748208785
This guy gets it finally!
Run out back door, sneak up to front behind robber, and stab him in the ass 27 times
>>748192293
got a box of these sittin next to me with my mossberg 500 ATP
prefer slugs, though
>>748189265
i just realized it
fuck
