How would you get rid of a body? Here's how I'd do
The stories and information posted here are artistic works of fiction and falsehood.
Only a fool would take anything posted here as fact.
Only a fool would take anything posted here as fact.
How would you get rid of a body?
Here's how I'd do it
>Put body in bathtub
>Bury it in salt to dehydrate and deodorize
>Wait until it's mummified
>Dig it out
>Strip all the flesh from the bone and put it in the garbage disposal
>Put bones into a large pot and boil until they liquify
>pour liquefied bones down the drain
/body disposed
You'll be hanging on to the body for too long anon. Classic mistake.
>>746365017
tell me how you'd get rid of it if you're so smart
Step 1:
Don't get yourself into a position where you have to get rid of a body
>>746364835
Salt isn't a deodorant. You must be a stupid nigger.
>>746365126
I wouldn't get rid of it. i'd just keep fucking it until I got caught.
>>746364835
Any chemist anons on here to confirm this? I am sickened, but curious about the science of this.
Here's how you do it faggot
Take body to humid climate
Drench the body in milk, honey, and yogurt
Cover it in human wastes
Leave it
Let nature feed off of it
or just dump it in the boonies
>>746365249
I like you.
Put it in a sleeping bag with a cinderblock and dump it in a lake
>>746365209
The decomposing odor comes from moisture and bacteria. Salt takes care of both of those problems. You sir, are the stupid nigger
>>746365259
That barely worked in 1685. Wtf makes you think it'll work now!?!
>>746365339
You need to rip holes in the chest and abdomen to let gasses escape. Otherwise it'll float.
>>746365126
you put it in your neighbor's trashcan
>>746365410
No, I'm not. You're the nigger that thinks bacteria can't live in salty environments.
Dig a hole
kill a dog
put the body in the hole
recover it half
put the dog
fully recovery it
add a small tomb * rip doggy we will miss you *
Done
>>746364835
> be Canadian
> take body way WAY out into the wilderness
> bury so deep that the scavengers won't find it
There, problem solved.
Or,
> stuff body into industrial wood chipper
> spread ground up remains on a farmers field
> eat that years harvest
> dead, gone, and still being useful
>>746365540
salt is dangerous because it has chlorine in it so it kills the bacteria
>>746365410
Going to stuff the body with salt then?
>>746365632
So why do humans need it to live if it's so dangerous?
>Nigger confirmed
>>746365249
Fucking kek
>>746365253
I know some basic HS chemistry and know that salt wouldn't stop it all and salt doesn't kill bacteria like soap does, salt will just wick moisture away but soap kills bacteria by inserting it self (soap is a long carbon chain) into the bacteria and basically shredding it
>>746365632
Why do chlorine pools still gather bacteria
I'm no professional but it seems like you're doing way too much
>>746365753
So there is some merit to this, but most likely not to the extent OP is saying?
Get some pigs.
>>746364835
I''d sleep with it in my bed until it became mummified.
just put it in pirana solution
H2SO4 drain cleaner mixed with H2O2 hair bleach, bois
>>746365632
yes salt has chlorine but it's chemically bonded so the properties are different and my HS chem teacher last year didn't go in depth but if they were to separate into sodium and chlorine you have A) pure sodium which starts on fire with water and B) chlorine gas which is also gonna kill you so now ya got two corpses
>>746365885
Whoops...
>>746365540
Haven't you ever heard of saline ? You know.. the stuff you clean wounds with ? What do you think that's made of?
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2xUynRdzzsM&ab_channel=Movieclips
>>746365876
it'll preserve you because bacteria do need water to carry out the decomposing but it will just be hindered and take longer he's better off just ditching the body deep in the grand canyon
>steel drum
>raise it on a few cinder blocks and light fire under
>put sodium hydroxide (lye) inside the drum
>large quantities can be easily and legally bought for use as drain cleaners or in soap making
>cut up body in small pieces to increase surface area
>large surface area equals faster reaction time
>dump body chunks in sodium hydroxide
>around 20 hours later there will only be a few chunks of bone or teeth left
>can easily be pulverized or destroyed with store bought acid
>pour out liquid body anywhere, it's basically soap at this point so it's not toxic
>if toxicity is a concern you can neutralize the solution with same acid
>the results are water soluble so it's safe to dispose of it in a drain and it's easy to wash and rinse of
>sterilize remaining equipment like knives, steel drum etc with bleach solution
Basically, it takes minimal preparation to completely dissolve a body to where not even trace DNA can be recovered - all in less than 24 hours.
>>746366032
Saline is not antiseptic. Just keep proving that nigger stereotype.
>>746364835
Dig up a fresh grave, bury body with it. No one expects 2 bodies in a grave
>>746364835
Id like to know how you're going to cut all that cured flesh from the bones. It will have the consistency of leather.
>>746365126
Leave it at OP's house.
>>746365206
faggot
>>746365206
firstly this
ok here we go, take notes.
mince and shread and cut and mangle body and smash bones and teeth with a hammer and put the gross mess into a bag or trash barrel or whatever, just make sure the largest bone fragments are smaller than your middle finger, theres a million ways to achieve this
go to your local docks, preferably to an ocean but lakes work too
find a small boat on the shore called a "skiff"
it wont have a motor but there will be oars inside, its not going to be locked in any way and there will be many of them so just pick one, its tied to an anchor, just take the anchor and the rope and put them into the skiff
put body and yourself into skiff
row out to the smaller motor boats
load body on, getr on, keys are always on board and usualyl in the ignition, nobody thinks someones gonna swim onto their boat
drive out of whatever harbor make for open water
throw the remaining shit overboard
dock somewhere that isnt a dock and dont tie the boat to the shore
walk to train or whatever to go home
>>746365249
>>746366015
>>746366061
And boiling lye has a very strong smell. Plus the fumes will kill you.
Remove teeth, fingers, any birth marks or tattoos and dump the thing in an alley. You guys are over thinking this.
>>746365720
do some research you fucking troglodyte
im not the other guy btw im a different not-nigger
>Dont get a body to rid
>success
>>746366147
"GET THAT FUCKING GRIN OFF YOUR FACE PRIVATE!"
>>746365964
you can separate through electrolysis but electrolysis is shitty and mostly non hazardous
there are also chemical ways of separation but you won't get both Na and Cl alone
>>746366265
>troglodyte
Fantastic word.
>>746366265
No, you're just a half nigger spouting off whatever 'science' you learned from television. Let the civilized folk have a conversation.
>>746366061
depends on the acid and you'd be better off isolating the sodium hypochlorite from bleach (it oxidizes organic compounds and dissolves them)
remember all acid base reactions are
acid + base = h20 + whatever is left over
Put nail polish on your finger tips
wear hairnet
Get a kiddie Pool
Place body in pool
cut it into pieces
dry with microwave
grind with garbage disposal one of those industrial ones
Takes about an hour and half, an hour
>>746365561
people are dumb but not this dumb, they'll see your place and see no signs of a dogs presence in years, they'll see a fresh animals death and odors and know something up when searching fro a recent humans corpse, another trained dog could possibly tell the difference himself, this is something that could of worked 50 years ago but not so much now.
>>746365561
Two words, Sodium Hydroxide.
>>746365720
humans need it to kill the bacteria in them dumb dumb
>>746364835
>boil bones in a large pot until they liquify
>>746366430
Just keep proving how little you know there, Jamal.
>>746366346
with electrolysis you basically electroplate the sodium onto something (or chlorine I've never looked into it) but to much work for something that'll go boom and a gas to kill you
>>746365632
Better watch out and never pour NaCl into water, the chlorine will break the bond and kill you a slow and painfull death.
Hog pen
>>746366197
Shouldn't be boiling, that's way too hot. And you obvious wouldn't be doing this in an apartment.
You could easily buy one of these things - it's called fermentation lock. Get a large glass one and fit it on top of steel drum top/cover.
The little bubble like areas get filled with vinegar so the fumes have to go through vinegar, get neutralized, and only then go out.
>>746366391
No.
Acids don't dissolve flesh the way lye does. The only thing that does is piranha solution which is unstable and highly toxic. Plus getting that much acid is expensive.
Lye is cheap and works best. You're basically making a soap out of a body. Same chemical reaction is used to make soap out of fats. Soaps are water soluble and non damaging to pipes which is pretty important for disposing.
>>746366419
I got that shit on my hands and just made them really smooth but this will work on fatty tissue you need something for all organic compounds like sodium hypochlorite
>>746364835
Feed it to the pigs.
>>746364835
I like the way navagante got rid of em in narcos. Wrap a body in razor wire and dump it into a river. When the body bloats the razor wire cuts it to bits and the fish eat it
>>746364835
Just leave the dead body where you found it. Don't touch it. Don't move it. Just leave it be stupid.
>>746366543
>Electrolysis: using an electric current to separate compounds.
>Electroplating: using an electric current to deposit a metal onto an electrode.
Pay more attention in science class.
>>746366639
>>746366391
it'd work on the fatty parts if I was the corpse you'd have no fat to work with but if you got a chemical like sodium hypochlorite that oxidizes organic compounds you'd be in business
>>746366773
dude its fucking late give me a break and I learned this shit last year
>>746366661
>>746366809
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Alkaline_hydrolysis_(death_custom)
Read that. Lye is the way to go. The method with steel drum I described is basically this. It's what's professionally used to dissolve bodies.
Throw it into a vat of molten metal and it's gone.
The amount of time you've all clearly spent thinking about this is fucking hilarious.
>>746365561
Someone once dÃas this near my neighborhood and got caught like un 2 days
Hydrochloric's got a millions-of-years proven track record.
step 1 no matter what is to destroy teeth and finger tips.
>>746365249
fpbp
Isn't it crazy to think about how easy you could probably get away with killing someone if it was a complete stranger and there were no witnesses?
>>746364835
I'm guessing you never done it before.
1-Take body to tub. Cut troat and major veins....bleed body out entirely.
2-shave head and burn her hair(stinks but it's worthed).
3-remove as much flesh as possible and use food processor to get ground meat.
4-place ground meat into bags(10 pounds each) and dispose them in several trash cans on the road.
5-make a fire pit and burn the bones to dry them out.....use hammer to break them into smaller pieces and dispose them in small bags.
People will only call the cops if they find something that resembles a human body.
>>746364835
learned everything i know about disposing of bodies from watching television
>>746366543
the sodium will just react with the water and become Na2O I think , the Cl would react with the free hydrogen and create HCl but I'm a random guy with minimal scientific education \
>>746366773
The NaCl is the electrode so I think It would actually be electroplated like he said (if it didn't react with any of the solution), Kind of like how you use CuSO4 for copper based electroplating It still undergoes electrolysis and it also electroplates
>>746364835
get thousands of baloons attach to body at nigth.
See you space cowboy
>>746364835
I think any idea that involves taking the body somewhere is too risky. Likewise any idea that requires you to keep the body in your possession for any significant length of time is also too risky.
In an ideal situation you would have what you need at home but most likely you don't have the necessary chemicals or tools to do any of the more exotic suggestions you'll get and going out and buying them puts you in a position of having shit on your credit card that lends itself to doing what you are trying to get away with doing. Use cash and you're still most likely on some store's fucking camera doing paying with cash for some incriminating shit.
If you have to do this and want the best chance of success you're going to have to make do with mostly what you have on hand. You're going to have to butcher the body. Bleed it out in your bathtub and then clean the tub meticulously. Bleach is your friend here. You have a stove. You have a garbage disposal most likely. You have trash bags. OP was on the right path.
Break the body down into components that you can cook down into material that will go down you garbage disposal and/or drain. There's your soft tissue. Lots of garlic, onions, and spices in this big pot of "dead body" and you just boil it down until it's meat paste. Down the disposal it goes.
Teeth are all going in the garbage but not just "thrown into the garbage". You need to take them and wrap them in a small dish towel. Then hammer them into pulp and put the towel in a plastic bag. Wrap that fucker in paper and tape and then put that in a plastic bag too. Throw it in a partially filled Hefty bag and then dump the contents of your cat's litter box on top of that.
Clean everything. Clean it again. Clean it one more time just to be sure. Don't go out and buy a ton of cleaning supplies though. Take it slowly and meter those purchases out so that nothing looks suspicious.
>>746365445
That's what the cinderblocks are for nigga. But I guess if you've already murdered somebody there's no reason not to put a few more holes in them.
>>746367224
>not mentioning getting rid of teeth
Have none of you niggers even seen Fargo?
>>746367138
Only 64% of murders get resolved.
That doesn't count for murders where no body is found so the case isn't labelled as a murder or where the cause of death is mistaken for an accident or something else.
That means the rate is actually way lower. So yeah, getting away with murder isn't that hard.
>>746364835
lot of basement dwellers ITT that are internet bad asses who have trouble talking to the female clerk at mcdonalds.
>>746365632
Confirmed for never having passed basic chemistry. Or cheap bait. Not sure which tbh.
Call the Coroner retard.
>>746366203
Best option is just toss it into a volcano.
That salt idea is bullshit. Just freeze the body instead.
But there's different things you might want to do depending on how the person died and where, and how much of your faggot dna is on or in them or your house.
Fill up a freshly dug real grave at a cemetery with the body after you've drained and dried it to prevent stinks.
>>746367438
it's cheep bait, This is the first time I've bated and It's sad so I'm not doing it anymore
>>746367568
>cheep bate
Stay in school kiddo
>>746364835
buy industrial meat grinder buy butcher shop mix it with pork and beef 100% profit. Plus gets homeless people of the street. Always happy to help the homeless. Also feed them to the homeless.
>>746367367
I suggested wood chipper. Then spread the humanburger on a farmers field. Get rid of a body, and make fertilizer.
Dig a fifty foot deep hole beneath your floor board, throw the body down there, fill with cement.
Simple.
<body>
Cut body into 6 pieces, legs arms torso and head
Take your car out to some place far out with mountains and keep the body in pieces in your backpack, also bring shovel
Rent horse
Take backpack and shovel with you to a good spot on the side of a mountain fairly high up.
Bury the individual pieces of the body about 100 meters apart at different elevations
Go home and dispose of backpack and shovel
</body>
>soylent green
>>746364835
Cook it in the oven immediately, while it's still fresh.
Eat like a fat disgusting pig all day long for a handful of consecutive days, stopping only to sleep it off, even continuing to eat in the bathroom.
Gain about 20 to 25 pounds.
They'll never think to perform DNA tests on my house's outgoing sewage.
you could just eat the body like this russian couple
https://www.thesun.co.uk/news/4550298/inside-the-russian-cannibal-familys-house-of-horrors-where-they-killed-and-ate-30-people-lured-from-dating-sites/
>>746367917
go fishing in gator infested waters, stab them somewhere where they'll bleed out and toss them over
go fishing in the sea for sharks, make some chum and lure them in, stab person and toss them over
go on a cruise staby, throw, you see where im going with this?
Get a boat
The only problem is having an alibi and making sure theres no blood traces
>>746365776
Because chlorine pools need to be regulated so they don't kill people who want to swim.
>>746365253
I am a chemist but I don't need to be to know that this shit is stupid. Why make jerky before disposal? Bones don't dissolve when you boil them.
>>746368116
I remember they parodied this in the Simpsons and my friend got so scared that he had to call his mom to pick him up from my home
>>746366691
yeah that sounds pretty smart. i dont think that would happen tho
>>746364835
one word anon: lye
Guys guys you're making this more complicated then it needs to be. You simply need to use reverse Flux tachyon drive to open a portal in the space time continuum to the fifth dimension. Then just use your quantum matter oscillator to separate the body's ionospheric gravity propulsion and toss the fucker in the portal. This isn't rocket science guys, niggers do this shit everyday
>>746366419
Where would you possibly get enough to dissolve a whole body? Plus I don't think it will dissolve bones or teeth.
>>746368445
nerd
>>746367965
You wouldn't be able to eat fast enough alone.
Not unless you were extremely fat already.
And even if you were, what about the skeleton?
Bone broth for dessert?
>>746368505
you can crush them they get real weak and scatter them in the woods people will think some poor deer got killed by coyotes
>>746364835
I've thought about this a lot. a couple people have made the valid point that as long as you don't leave evidence, it won't matter. I'm somewhere in the middle.
>leave the body wherever you "found" it
>demolish the face/ teeth and hands.
no physical evidence, no identity, no background no issue. especially if you're not from around there
>>746368556
>You wouldn't be able to eat fast enough alone.
>Not unless you were extremely fat already.
Don't worry, I am. Thanks be to quite a lot of "past experience."
>And even if you were, what about the skeleton?
>Bone broth for dessert?
Indeed.
I've got about 300 gallons of hydrochloric acid and plenty of 55 gallon drums. Make me an offer.
>>746369294
hcl takes forever to desolve organic shit also It creates tons of vapors that suck dick to deal with
>>746364835
>Wait until it's mummified
Fucking amateur. Also you're clearly in the 7th grade.
>>746366114
I like your ingenuity
>>746369488
So put it in the woods, I don't give a shit. I just need to get rid of this stuff.
>silly anon
>chop and ki blast
>all of us in this thread would probably do this
>>746369697
you shouldn't have bought it from a traveling snake acid sales man in the first place
>>746365540
You nigger. Halophile bacteria don't eat flesh and don't decompose a body. Just because they live in salt, it doesn't mean they are flesh decomposing bacteria.
Creamate it, you can apply for permits to build massive brush fires from the town if you have the property for it so just do that and burn away all the flesh. Keep the body contained enough so you can recover all the bones though, then take those and throw them into a random dumpster that gets regularly picked up.
50*03'50.08
118*22'45.48
I'm not saying there's a body buried there, but if there was, you'd never know it.
A shovel and a vehicle, all it takes.
>>746371577
I Don't have a licence
you dont put the victims blood anywhere near your plumbing. feds can cut out a piece of pipe and test for dna.
Get a 2nd hand oven with the self clean option. Chop the body into sizes you can fit into the oven. Each piece gets the self clean option. This will cook the skin/fat and bone down to ashes. Rinse and rpeat this process until there are only ashes. Dump the ashes in the water and walk away.
>>746365249
>>746364835
You go to your local home depot and pay a mexican to do it for you
>>746365445
YOU'LL FLOAT TOO
>>746374112
EVERYONE FLOAT
>>746367224
This will only work if no one is looking for her..
>>746364835
but if there's a body in your bathtub, where are you going to shit?
>>746374760
in the toilet duh.
>>746364835
burn it at extremely high tempratures so its just ashe and bone
or burn it and then dump the bones in a lake
or dont burn it, and throw it in a forest where animals will eat it
Load the body into a wooden boat with the weapons and goods they owned in life. Fill the remainder of the boat with logs. Push the boat out onto the water and shoot flaming arrows into it until the pyre ignites.
Tell the authorities that they died in battle and I have sent them to Valhalla.
>>746366147
>>746366298
>>746374849
in the toilet?
that's gross, people drink out of that
>>746374636
Go back to your sewer nigger, no one here is scared of you.
Read it in an infographic:
>preparation is key
>preselect burrying place
>go out to a forest or national park or other natural areas
>make sure its lonely but not isolated enought to go without an elaborated excuse (camping)
>buy yogurt, lye, sandpaper, pliers, a dog leash and a bottle of coke.
>buy everything in separate stores, differe nt days are better and ONLY cash
> after draining the body and cleaning thouroly with lye
>chop hair and burn it, then chop in smaller parts and keep in plastic bags
>go to the burial site at afternoon, you still want light
>keep camping stuff, materials and a change of clothes in car
>take pliers and take out teeth and nails
>drink the soda, the bottle is just for making sure you have all of them safe
>dissolve later in muriatic acid (sold for pool cleaning)
> bash head to make it inrexognizable as human
> use a small gardening shovel
>dig a hole 60cm deep and down in a slope 45°
>take body parts out if bags, and store them in a bigger bag
>cover head and cunt in yogurt. Aids decomposition
>place the yogurt covered parts in the highest point of the slope, the bacteria are gonna spread faster.
>throw in dog leash
>cover in lye for smell
>cover with dirt
>take everything back to the car
>change clothes
>burn clothes (including shoes), plastic bags and coke bottle
>take sand paper and use it on the pliers, the butchering knife, the shovel
Profit?
Mix up a tub of cement, take a boat trip on a really deep lake.
Voila!
>>746371577
are you russian ?
Don't get in a position where you need to dispose of the body to begin with. Kidnap the person, take them to a different city/state (maybe Detroit), chain them to a chair in the basement of an abandoned building. Lock the door behind you, and never look back.
just get some pigs and feed the body to the pigs
jesus christ, you city folk are fucking stupid
"accident"
>>746376028
sauce?
>>746366911
underage b&
>>746364835
If you're willing to let it take long enough to deodorize via salt, you may as well just take a really good, sharp knife and dicing the body into unrecognizable meat bits. If you've ever had to dice 200 onions, it's probably not far off.
>>746376028
Anon I gonna need a sauce
>>746376028
sauce?
>>746376028
wtf, sauceeeee????
>>746376028
Anon give us a sauce or at least a story
just drop it in a concrete jetting
>open /b
>make a shitty thread
>tell trips decide what do
>let faggot decide what do
>get caught because faggot told me to microwave the shit out of it
>>746365249
>>746375978
The fucks the dog leash for
>>746367314
Kek
>>746377690
Slightly less suspicious rope?
>>746377690
To leash the dog
>>746376891
>>746377421
>>746377302
>>746377508
>>746377528
That was Elana.
She was my 3rd. Finally got the correct mixture of water, gravel and cement.
>>746366689
>>746376692
This. It's been known to work very well. Just starve the pigs for a few days, the fuckers will likely even eat the bones. There's literally nothing left
Pic related
>>746377964
likely bait but ill bite first 2 and are there full videos with sound
eh I dunno why I asked for sauce but whatever
>>746377964
You had trouble mixing cement while killing someone? You didn't think to get the cement done beforehand?
>>746378184
much smart
very plan
such dog
excite
wow
>>746377964
>>746364835
Call the police
Say I found this guy dead in my house after asleep upstairs with the door unlocked
Don't break under interrogation?
>profit
>>746364835
Do it ala Joe Rogan experience. Dump body in bear infested area.
>>746377588
Kek
Nice dubs, check out my trips tho
>>746364835
>>Bury it in salt to dehydrate and deodorize
So you spend ... 1000 bux on salt or something? And hang onto a body for how many months/years?
I live in El Salvador, I could leave the body right at the front door and the police would think it was the MS13
Victor
>>746378742
I'd buy a shit ton of rats, put rats on body in bathtub, wait.
>>746364835
Turn the body into poop
>Eat soft stuff
>Grind bones add to flour
For added fun outline body before chopping and cooking then poop in outline to make poop person
>Now you are a real chef
>>746364835
Whatever happened to just rolling it into a rug, putting rug in car, driving out to logging roads and tossing it? It blows my mind how stupid people are
I know someone who put the body of a child molester in a septic tank. Its on private property and the guy loves the idea of every shit he takes ends up on Chester. I live in rural Alabama the fucker was killed over 20 years ago. Nobody gives a fuck who he is. Trust me the world is a better place. Figure there may be a few bones left but I doubt it.
>get car
>Get spy gear
>Break into morgue/funeral prep place with corpse
>Basically you are going to prepare the body for an open casket.
>Take body and extra chemicals with you
>Cut open passenger side front seat, stuff chemicals in there for good measure
>Sew seat back up, Buckle up preserved body in passenger seat
And that's how you can ride in an HOV lane without getting a ticket. Hope it helps!
>>746378897
It's a nigger, which would poison you.
>>746364835
>glue a long hair wig on head
>drape in cloth
>pick churches lock
>nail body to cross and suspend in church
>watch CNN tomorrow
>>746365629
Rear Window.
>>746364835
Put the body 6 feet under, put a dead animal 3 feet above it police dogs wont smell the person once they dig it up bleach the entire house and start a renovation by burning all the old material and taking the ashes of the fire and spread it through the property
>>746376028
i want the sound bro. upload vid with sound. great jerk off material
I watched Breaking Bad so I assume a big plastic drum of some sort and some acid would do the trick.
Either that or I'd just hack the limbs off and incinerate the fucker in my backyard. Like 8 weeks of consistent fires, pretend there's some sort of party going on etc
>>746378924
>get pulled over for whatever reason
>whats in the rug anon?
>>746365885
>>746366015
This guy knows what's up.
My old forensics prof said hands down pigs are the best way to get rid of a body. Those motherfuckers will eat anything.
>>746364835
Through the drain/toilet
>pic related
>>746370824
This genuinely sounds like the only way imo
>>746379352
That's awesome. What's pig vagina feel like? I imagine it's moist.
>>746379325
>dead burning human flesh reeks throughout the neighborhood
>have to make the fire hot enough to burn all the bones
>people might go snooping/merely fucking peaking at your backyard and notice a human body
>have to keep fires lit CONSTANTLY to burn a body
>if it rains you have to bring the fucker inside or something
>your keeping the evidence ON YOUR OWN PROPERTY for a long ass time
Not at all. It was mixed beforehand.
I just used too much water the first, and not enough the second. But since Elana, I've been doing it correctly.
>>746379577
Well aren't you captain negative.
>>746364835
Pay off the guy working at the crematory to show me how to dispose of the body. Cremate the body. Kill the guy working at the crematory. Cremate his body too. No loose ends.
>>746367314
>That person who is out walking and a corpse falls on them
>>746379577
>peaking
>your
Common sense but not much else ey
>>746379826
Why is your in there
>>746365632
Actually a salty environment rips water from the bacteria via reverse-ozmosis.
>>746377964
Show us the first and second. Shit this is i need tonight.
>>746379645
I slap you in the face with my fleshy negative stick because I don't want to see a kek on the 6 o clock news.
>>746379667
>its like fucking hooker and stealing the money back
>>746379826
other anon specifically said his/her own backyard. I'd personally go camping for a weekend and dig a 20-30 foot grave to just dump the fucker in. fuck all the fucking work of fucking the body up just fuck the fucker in a fuck huge fuck hole. Unless there's going to be plumbing there in my lifetime I have nothing to worry about.
>>746365249
saw this shit on twitter holy shit
>>746380113
boy i'm flattered
>>746365720
Fucking KEK
>>746365017
also DNA. Don't shit where you eat.
>>746365249
You made it to reddit. Congrats, a bunch of fags think you're funny.
>>746366928
i thought i wanted to be cremated, now i want to be lyed
>>746366144
ah just like in skyrim the boats on the shores
>>746364835
Dahmer figured this out 35 years ago
But it in a barrel of acid.
Yea he got caught, but they never identified the bodies in the acid. Ever.
>>746365885
First real answer
>>746365126
You go to the woods week in advance of your murder. You dig a 6 ft deep hole so animals don't disturb it. Cover with grass seed. Nobody ever knows.
Buy 55 gallon drum of acid or a base like sodium hydroxide. Dissolve body.
Wrap body in chains and rent a boat. Throw body in any deep body of water like a lake or ocean.
Get an industrial incinerator and turn the entire body into ash. They run around 2k.
Be creative.
>>746368445
>thinking you can just add sci-fi sounding words to ordinary things.
That’s not how this works Morty.
>>746364835
Dress the body up as your best friend. The body is not your best friend, and best friends are awesome!
>>746381492
One letter fucked up the whole joke.
>>746364835
>>Put bones into a large pot and boil until they liquify
sure OP.
>>746365629
Blood is now all over the wood chipper.
>>Wash it
Blood is now all over the floor.
>>throw dirt on it
There is now a blood-dirt mixture everywhere.
>>idk then...
Shit doesn't just disappear.
>>746367331
I think you have a point here.
Dehydrate in barrel of desiccant powder and a LGR Dehumidifier,and use ozone for deodorization, then dissolve the tissues in some industrial solvent, break the bone into small pieces (10-14 cm) and scatter through out the city.
>>746376028
I have the strangest boner from this.
>>746364835
Hydrolize it;
Get a strong base like NaOH or KOH and mix it with water in a heated pressurized tube. The result will be bone meal and a viscous liquid containing DNA. Bury the bone meal and pour the liquid down the drain.
>>746366114
Digging down 6 feet in a secretary without being noticed by security/groundskeepers is difficult. That shit will take you a few hours and you'll end up leaving evidence of a disturbed grave.
>>746381377
This is so shit the fucking paper trail you'd leave
dig hole, stab in guts/stomach to release gases, maybe throw a shitload of nightcrawlers from bait shop on top, bury, plant stuff or add planter on top. Burn wooden shovel handle, soak metal shovel blade in bleach and throw in water under a bridge or toss in school furnace. Worked twice so far :O
>>746367224
You have about 6-12 hours until someone notices the deceased is missing. You have up to another 12 hours before it can become a police mater. You also need to consider your alibi, if and when you'll need one.
>clean and shave body
>strip flesh and make into pre sliced and portioned meals for later
>save in plastic or glass containers with like asparagus and quinoa
>eat good healthy rich dark meat
>donate cooked "chicken dinners with steamed veggies" to the homeless
>clean bones and dry them
>drain them and drill small holes in them
>use wood stain on them and hang them up like halloween decorations
>make a spooky fun house for the kiddies
>repeat until mogul of "charity for homeless chicken dinners" and "Spooky tm Mansions tm"
>charge 2 dollars for "muh charity"
>become proprietor of "Spooky Fun Time Skeleton House"tm and creat charity based on giving away "chicken dinners" to the homeless
>become local legend and state hero
>run for office and get elected governer
>run for president and get elected president
>call a national adress
>"hello, my fellow americans i have been feeding people to the homeless and filing my spooky fun houses with real skeletons for years"
>everyone thinks its a lie
>ita not a lie
>its "My Dream tm"
>>746365126
Blow face, crush teeth and cut fingers. Abandon and pray for the animals to eat it
>>746368669
The police will eventually pull missing persons. If they can make the link (tattoos, moles, birthmarks), they have evidence of a crime. Unless you live in very high-crime area, or you have no substantial links to the deceased, your chances of being caught skyrocket unless you have an extremely solid alibi.
>>746372404
Mexicans tend to be extremely Catholic and otherwise religious. They will refuse/figure out how to turn you in.
Fluoroantimonic acid - a lot of it.
That stuff will basically reduce anything organic to sludge.
Why has no one said stage an 'accidental death'?
>>746364835
its easy idiot, just just chop em up and throw them in a stormdrain
>>746364835
>Find a stump, preferably in a forest (pic related)
>Place body underneath it
>Chainsaw the tree
>Stump gets vertical again
>Job done
>>746382961
Why do people thing "chopping up and disposing of a body" is easy? If it was so easy, thousands of people would go "missing" every day.
>>746383067
Previously uproot tree trunks are easy to spot. So are fresh chainsaw cuttings. Search parties will eventually find it.
Find government property that isn't used, typically forested areas near interstates.
Go 2miles in. Dig 6 feat bury.
Plant indigenous tree over it.
Body gone.
>>746367419
shut up you stupid bitchmade ass faggot before we all vote on our favorite body disposal method to use on you
depends where you are I suppose
I would use the body as fertiliser to grow flowers. I would put the flowers into a pot and give it to the victims family. Most people neglect houseplants so it would be like my victim was dying again this time at the hand of his/her family.
feed it to pigs, they will eat pretty much anthing if theyre hubgry enough
large pot?
motherfucker, you'd need a cauldron. skeletons are quite large, unless you killed a toddler or something
>>746378945
Lol Chester the child molester
so heres what you do bums...
its going to cost you some money but its the only quick and easy way to do this
first go to a hardware store and buy wood and concrete mix to make a box just large enough to hold the body and allow full coverage with concrete but not too large to be immovable
build the box
put body in the box
fill box with concrete
as some suggested leave holes for the body to decompose gases and not completely shatter the box from expansion
allow it to solidify
you might have to spread this across days
but you are going to have to get access to a boat and a lake
pretty easy to do, most lakes have boat rentals
be sure to take fishing gear and what not to not strike up suspicion
load box on boat in the middle of the night and drop into lake
it should sink to the bottom and never be seen again
this all can go wrong if
>you are seen
>you are not strong or clever enough to load a heavy concrete box
>box shatters upon impact into bottom of lake
>>746365720
We can die from relatively small doses of salt stupid nigger
Bury it 4 feet under a buried dog. People will feel bad once they hit ol' Beethoven and move to a different spot
>>746364835
>first kill someone old no relatives not many friends
>get in full body suit of plastic and face mask
>knock them out try to get least amount of blood possible
>clean any blood up
>before killing you need to get some stuff
>hire a boat (fake names and credit card etc)
>either try and find or buy a barrel (fake names etc)
>since its quite hard to get hold of chemicals for dissolving the body either cut it up in bath tub or just leave it as it is
>put body murder clothes and weapon in barrel
>take a trip far away like im talking london to scottland far
>use the boat you hired but wait untill night time
>go far out to sea
>like really far
>dump body at sea
>either flee country or stay and never talk about your crimes
>>746387983
>hire a boat
>>746387983
you never disposed of the barrel with your murder clothes anon
>>746365249
Here's your ((((you))))
>>746388121
well separate them then just takes more time
>>746364835
Do you understand what the salt even does? It preserves it. You don't want your bodies to be preserved. You want the most gone ASAP
>>746385813
>not dividing the meat up into multiple boxes
>>746364835
Industrial blast oven .. I know two places I could get in unseen as run by the county and shit security.
im a ceramicist just cover the body in clay and blow it the fuck up at very high temperatures
Just dig a hole in the ground. Fill said hole with lime om the bottom. Place body in the hole and more lime on the top. Cover the hole and it will all dissolve.
Here's how to actually get rid of a corpse.
>>746385813
>put the body in a coffin
>fill it with concrate
>and just throw this little 500 kilograms box with only your tiny arms
>>746366370
>civilized folk
> /b/
Pick one
Hacksaw, bathtub, hydrochloride acid, 30l barrels, a car, and a river, good luck op, leave your phone at home when you go to the river if it's a smartphone and cover everything (EVERYTHING) in plastic beforehand
>>746389705
Not lime, quick lime, there's a difference and normal lime actually preserves flesh when it is buried without oxygen you fuckwit
>>746381377
i happen to buy and sell incinerators all the time lel fuck yo paper trail
>>746379493
KeKKkk
>>746364835
Call nine eleven and ask for dead body pickup. They'll have some one out in 5 minutes.
>>746381959
>Digging down 6 feet in a secretary without being noticed by security/groundskeepers is difficult.
you're telling me
