Whats the weirdest nonhuman object you have fucked? Admit it. Go.
The family thanksgiving turkey
>Mfw they all ate my thanksgiving load
Mine was one of those weird things from the eighties that was like jiggly with a hole in the middle. And itd be like decorated inside.
>>713140621
>Things that never happened no. 987
>>713140621
You stuffed the turkey
>>713140804
How the fuck did you fit your dick in there? You must have a bad case of pencil-dick
Dude, whatever I could stick my dick in/rub against.
>Couch?
check
>Vacuum?
check
>Cats?
check
>Xbox?
check
>Arm cushion with a slight hole?
every day for a month, I wadded that fluff and fluffed my wad.
You fucking name it. I've rubbed my penis against it.
>>713140958
I mean i was probably like 7 years old i wasnt exactly sure or at full growth yet lol just the weirdest thing my dick has been inside
A cucumber. My mom found it under my pillow (I put it there to warm it up) and decided to feed it to the guinea pig.
I used to fuck my couch as a young teen. I forgot the lubed up baggie in the cushions once and my mom found it. I don't think she figured out what it was for
Um a lubed plastic bag between a pillow and a matress, dog, toilet paper roll
>>713141178
Howd u fuck an xbox :(
A fleshlight shaped like a parasauralaphus anus.
They didn't have anuses.
>>713141953
It was smooth, and the dip where the power button is was a good size. Then you flip it over, and the fan parts were kinda rough, but they had a nice texture to them.
>>713141893
>dog
How do guys fuck chick dogs?
like I have a nice tall labrador retriever I get horny and think about mounting sometimes.
But then I dont want to get mauled for snooping around her junk, also a dog pussy looks tiny, dry and furry,
How would a guy even get his dick in there?
>>713142620
>>713141893
Yes answer his questions plz im just curious
I guess the couch and furniture thing is normal. Women and dudes both. Weird
You guys remember those Sockem Bopper things? Yeah... one of those was my first sex toy. Only tried it once though, was very uncomfortable.
Aside from that, any solid object. When I was younger, I got off by pushing my dick up against hard surfaces and dry-humping them.
>>713140198
One of those prop severed heads for halloween
Gatorade bottle
>>713143232
can relate
>>713143232
Did you like take it to bed with you or was it more of a standing up i just gotta get it done type?? I just cant imagine a sockrm bopper being easy to fuck for some reason
A black chick.
This...
>>713140958
I think they varied a lot based on size and material. I had a small one that I could only get a finger or two in, and a bigger and stretchier one that fit my whole hand.
Those things were the best.
>>713140198
I was once so horny, that i took a raw chicken(dead one with head removed) and fucked the hole where the head was removed.
I basically fucked a dead chicken's neck and it felt good
>>713144239
I actually knew a retarded kid in middle school who stuck his dick in an ant hill.
Funny shit
>>713140198
Scooby doo embossed pillow.
.. .. yep
>>713144379
Hey welcome to the thread big guy!!!
>>713144416
the kid was probably me. i was a horny fuck back then.
>>713144541
Was it because scoob or just the pillow being a pillow
>>713144379
A gatorade bottle filled with warm water, 2 heat packs, and those packing peanuts that get all mushy when wet. I put an unrolled condom over the hole, cut a slit in it, and fucked those peanuts so hard.
>>713144576
????
Just posting my story
Dressed as Padme and fucked a light sabor. I couldnt lie to you if i wanted
A pillow, but who hasn't.
>>713144951
Why?
>>713144379
Consistency? Like what did it feel like gripping the chicken
>>713140198
Pocket pussy. It was my dads tho
A deaf tard
>>713145417
Its okay i used my moms vibrator before
>>713140198
OP"s mom
A black girl
>>713145160
Looked hot as padme. End of sabor looks like sextoy. Boom.
a plush monkey with a hole torn open in the bottom, applied lotion and fukt
>>713145673
deplorable
A flashlight battery tube
>>713145557
Same here /b/ro
A vase, a vibrating ps2 controller, a teddy bear, and i once got my dick stuck in a bottle of aveno lotion
>>713146068
Femanon but its fine
>>713146272
I also got 2 water balloons and tit fucked them
Air port of a powered subwoofer.
>>713140198
A nigger
>>713141178
I fucked a sandbag, and lowkey been wanting to fuck a cat. But damn gg dood.
aunt's shoe
>>713146554
kek, use a bandpass so you can watch the cum fly around.
Half a ham sandwich i didnt finish. Was only ham and cheese on it
I've fucked a door and a couple of times put my dick between two sponges and mounted the toilet pan.
>>713146797
Addition: sounds fake but i really did fuck a sandwich. It was good deli sliced ham piled together. Was not sober. Did feel ok
>>713144859
How do you fit your dick in a gatorade bottle? I've tried hard but the head gets stuck, do you cut the top off?
>>713143995
Standing up, but kinda kneeling... at the time, I felt like I needed to have it secured somewhere, so I stuck it between my matress amd boxspring of my bed. Had to kinda kneel down and the entire experience was extremely uncomfortable, so I never did that again.
If my memory serves me correctly, the object that I most frequently "dry-humped" was the arm of the couch.
>>713144061
Fuck off /pol
>>713147274
The one with the wide mouth and I was in high school.
>be me
>be 14
>have idea
>take roll of bubble tape
>spend almost an our chewing the whole thing into gum
>tried to mold it around my dick like what I thought a pussy must be like
>horrible idea
>gum instantly fused with my giant teenage pube bush
>spend hour in the shower trying to get this gum out of my pubes
>water makes gum stick harder
>have to cut it out with scissors
>snip my dick a little with scissors
>fuck now im bleeding with gum in my pubes
>panic attack because cant tell parents
>finally get most of it out
>band aid on my dick for cut
>dick cuts on a 14 year old are horrible because constant teenage boners
>now 27 see dick scar every time I go to the bathroom
>remember the time i tried to fuck a fistfull of bubble tape everday
>wakemeupIcantwakeupsavemefromthis.jpg
>>713145673
kek
>>713146425
Was it a big black veiny number ?
>>713144679
Scoob
>>713147777
check em
>>713141178
tell the cats story
>>713147777
Nope. was black but just one of those cute 6 inch smooth vibrators with different setting
A snow bank. Lol
>>713141178
>>713148009
Im mad i just looked over the fact he said cats
>>713148036
Did you sniff it first to see if mommy washed it after it was up her snatch
i put my dick into an empty snapple bottle, got hard and got stuck
I've fucked a bag of shite. I still ended up marrying her.
>>713140198
Fucked a couch pillow... never again.
>>713148310
No mommy cleans it after every use and so do i
>>713148527
Did it not end well for you?
>>713148553
Why bother ? Your fudd fell out of her fudd
>>713148009
>>713148157
Oh, knock it off. The cat was too small. It did like rubbing onto my crotch, and I didn't shoo it away.
>>713148639
Used a condom to make it as realistic as possible. Condom broke, rubbed my dick raw...
hollowed out apple, toilet paper roll, vacuum hose, couch cushions and pic related
>>713140198
My first orgasm was into a vacuum cleaner
Shampoo bottle
>>713148741
fluids may stagnate and rot on the dildo and grow bacteria.
you have never had a yeast infection or a UTI have you.
Its a nightmare.
>>713149153
Whats the green one
>>713140621
I fucked the turkey baster and put it back in the drawer. wonder if my mom bothered to smell it before cooking this thanksgiving
>>Pushed the sheet down the crack of two mattresses pushed together and fucked it. There was blood.
>>713149308
>>713148741
Thank you for explaining this so i didnt have to lol
>>713149342
Why the fuck would she smell the turkey baster before she used it.
>>713149434
you are welcome,
Tits?
>>713149468
Doesnt everyone smell check their cooking utensils??
>>713149336
It's an oil lamp it was only the one on the right
>>713145191
Feld like fucking a small child's butthole, i guess. Difference is, that its legal + felg good
>>713149617
And they cant say no
>>713140198
>>713149674
Right :^)
>>713149542
Yeah, i always smell my clean dishes
A trash bag filled with lotion between two pillows. Wasnt bad. Jerk off for a bit first and get close because after a while the friction builds up and it gets hot and starts to burn.
>>713140198
a pile of dirty towels
>>713149833
You might have a daughter rubbin that porcelain on her titties
3 balloons filled with warm water inside of a full unitard for a girl several inches shorter. Zipped in, all I had to do was shift my body a little and the balloons fucked me no matter what position I picked. It was not merciful.
Latex glove
>>713150048
The hero we didnt deserve
Put a glove filled with lotion inside a rag and rolled it up and tucked it between 2 couch cushions and went to town. So basically I use to fuck my couch very frequently as a teen. Gave me way better orgasms than jerking it. Shit was so cash.
>>713140198
When I was 11 my sister pissed me off so I cut a hole in her stuffed penguin and fucked it.
She never asked about the hole
>>713149674
What would stop you, even if they could?
>>713150334
The feathers
>>713144061
Disgusting. How could you do that to yourself?
>>713142620
If you've bonded with the dog and the girth of your penis isn't too big for your breed of dog, then it will be easy. However, in the case of having a too big penis, you won't even be able to fit inside of it.
I have this problem. My penis is 7 inches long and about as wide as a cardboard toilet paper tube.
>weirdest thing I've fucked was a mini mare
Can't think of anything too weird tbh
>cheap blow up doll i got as a joke for my 18th birthday, actually felt pretty nice
>my pillow
>the space between my two mattresses
>let a dog lick my dick once, but it wasn't that great
>>713150790
I was wondering how blow up dolls really feel
>>713146689
How original and unexpected.
>>713140198
jewish girl.
This is what i did to my latex gloves https://youtu.be/YfJwC5SeEwo
a long squash because of the shape. Carved it out the way i wanted from one end. Was pretty nice tbh
>>713150644
What was the horse like duder?
Banana Peel. Eat the banana and wrap the flaps around your shaft. Then proceed to grip it and rip it.
I used to take a poo into a toilet roll then fuck the warm squishy poop. It was nasty.
>>713150896
well, they're made out of plastic, but they're surprisingly tight. and if you use lube or precum, they feel pretty good, as they grip around your dick.
>>713151564
Thats some serial killer shit.
My dakimakura of an OC anthro MLP character
>>713140198
my ex wife
>>713151301
I can't remember EXACTLY how it felt since this was 10 years ago... but I remember it being extremely tight. I came after something like 3 minutes.
I wouldn't recommend trying it unless you have worked with them for a while though.
>>713140198
Bean bag chair. Folded it over, a plied lube and pressed down on the fold as I fucked it. Never came so hard in my life.
>>713150048
Fucking kek
>>713151860
Kek.
A dolphin.
Remember those barbie heads that girls would have when they were kids? You could do their hair and makeup? My sister had one and dry hump it and id bust all over its face and one time i forgot to clean it. Sneak back when i remembered and there she was. Then i witnessed it. The lipstick to barbie head lips. Then to her lips. I still feel so guilty.
>>713152924
I hear theyre very affectionate
>>713141178
>Its my turn with the sexbox
>>713152926
Whyd they make barbie and bratz dolls look so hot dammit
>>713153399
Why'd you have double dubs, dammit?
your mom
>>713153493
I always get dubs on the weirdest shit i say. Fuck
>>713140198
a baguette
>>713153728
Hows that yeast infection??? LOL
Once, I had a miniature speedboat w/ matching detachable boat trailer. 2-3 inches in length max. I put the boat in my pussy. i'll never forget that moment
>>713153728
Think I still have pics of the whole process on my old pic, but nobody wants to see bread filled with semen.
>>713154430
You thought wrong
>>713154181
Sorry, but this is mandatory. Tits or gtfo.
I stuck my dick into a banana.
>>713154785
Are you the banana shark
>>713154474
I have maintained a low profile on the weird side of the Internet thus far. I'm not sure if I am prepared to have evidence my bread fucking incident floating around.
Used one of those long bubble sticks as a dildo. The long tubes filled with bubbles you blow. Looks like dildo? Yeah. 7/10.
>>713154979
Fine. But if i ever see a jizz filled baguette pic online i knew who the jizz owner was first
OP's Mom.
>>713154834
Nope. I also used a pool noodle as a fleshlight, I had to get the end of a broomstick and stretch the inside because it was a little too small for my dick. I got chafed so hard by the edges of the noodle.
>>713155514
You aren't the first
>13 years old
>cut top and bottom off of orange
>cut dicc sized hole in it
>go to town
Bubble wrap
i've put my dick in one of these before feels good man
>>713141178
>Xbox
used to fuck a tree down the road from my house. It leaned to one side slightly and I grabbed two branches and pulled myself upwards sliding my dick on the trunk. Actually felt amazing and was a work out at the same time
>>713158070
>fuck a tree
A grapefruit. Drilled a hole thru the middle with a knife and microwaved 30 sec for warmth
>>713158070
>used to fuck a tree
>>713145417
>>713145557
i want to call that wincest but i don't know if i can
>>713140198
An american.
>>713145983
can relate, got caught by mom doing just that
>>713140621
Kelsey Grammer...
>>713144061
whew
>>713158570
do i win /b/?
>>713140198
A black chick
the cobwebs in a camera i stole
>>713140198
my sister's baby doll, i'm not a pedo i was just a weird child.
an unborn fetus
>>713147687
LOL
jar of peanut butter
>>713140198
this and couch cushions pillows slippers
A muslim.
I would wrap a t shirt around my dick to catch pre cum while i find a good porn video before i go to the bathroom and ive just humped that and came.
Those squishy finger trap thing roles feel quite amazing also
Ants
>>713160883
Yess. Fuck yes. Throw some lotion in there, take a pillow and fold it and a belt to keep the pillow folded. Put that in the crack and fuck away. Always thought it was an ass i was humping
>>713142620
here you go buddy
http://parazite.nn.fi/dogsxgui.txt
a full guide
>>713140198
a cactus. not even joking.
>>713155964
U ain't no crip cuhz
>>713140198
mud
>>713160883
>>713140804
This is what i was talkin about. Oh the threads dead? Whatever
>>713154597
I know...too bad. i'm leaving now
>>713164834
Bruh u fucked MUD?? Basically fucked the earth. Fucked the world
>>713140198
Black girl
>>713165051
yeah, fucked the world
Taco bell burrito, silly putty, a big tub of tuna (mixed with mayo), a glass vase. Probably more
>>713165248
Ouch. Did the burrito hurt the pee hole jeezus fuck
>>713165333
Nah, I wore a condom, gotta think ahead ;). The top Ramen was kinda hot though. Done that once or twice
a cup with two sponges in it, followed by a glove inside out wrapping the sponges creating a tight whole. Look up "homeade pocket pussy"
femanon here. I've used the end of jump ropes, hair brushes, makeup brushes, and a hair curler.
>>713149342
How thin your dick must be.
>>713166207
So. They fucked you. You didn't fuck them.
>>713140198
You know those foam alphabet sets that kids play with in the tub to learn to spell and shit?
The letter 'O'
Lmao. I was 12 and I was like "what happens if my weenie gets tingly and hard when it's in a small space" and I basically instantly cummed. My first orgasm.
I was a naïve one.
>>713165487
Homemade sponge pussy. Lube it up and go to town. Feels good when you're horny.
>>713166207
there's no grils on the internet
A cantaloupe. Was messy, flesh too firm and not the best. But still fucked the shit out of that cantaloupe.
