ITT: We name a super power we have but there's a huge flaw in it
>Omnilingualism
>>711761784
you're mute
>>711761784
You're mute and have no other way to communicate but sign language
>Can teleport
>the ability to have a cup whenever you need it
>>711761784
I can pass through solid matter, but only for 20 seconds on the third Wednesday of June on a leap year.
>>711761953
you can only teleport when your parents are having sex
>>711762003
but the cups always dirty
>>711761953
Can only teleport 1 cm
>>711762003
Always blisteringly hot
>>711761953
Where you go is entirely random, and considering most of the universe is empty space, you'll probably die.
>read minds
>>711762125
can't control it and can't tune out other's thoughts
>>711762125
You read everyone's mind at once every time.
>Suicide bomb
>>711762125
But their voice is projected on D major
>>711762125
But only squirrel minds
>>711762301
can only bomb yourself when no one is around
>>711762125
>read minds
But only the minds of retards and autists
>the ability to turn water into alcohol
>>711762301
You're not muslim so you don't get 72 virgins
>>711762301
Only destroys what you care about.
Can fly
>>711762478
You can't turn it off and die of alcohol poisoning.
>the ability to control people's emotions at will
>>711762528
but only with your eyes closed
>>711762544
>except your own
>>711761784
you can become instantly invisible but only to women
>>711762478
The alcohol is really shitty quality, lots of contaminants and tastes terrible.
The ability to have no super power.
>>711762105
every hour
>energy manipulation
>>711762528
but only 2 feet off the ground
>>711762645
this post is inconspicuously deep
infinite stamina.
Every detail in your vision is heightened by a factor of at least 10, and you are able to notice things faster and more accurately than others.
>you can't turn this power off
>you can see bullets coming but you can't react fast enough if it is going to hit you
>daily mundane tasks become 10x harder
>you cannot explain how the world looks to other people
>>711762681
but only the energy contained in farts
>>711762755
but only when trying to get the last log of shit out of your anus
>>711762544
Only when you're really angry.
Think about it, you'd never get to use it for anything constructive. You'd only ever use it to make whoever you're mad at feel terrible.
>>711762799
I can work with that
>>711762681
Can only use said energy to power toasters
>can jump really high
>>711762755
But only while screaming at the same time
Perfect mimicry.
Any sound, people, animals, machinery, etc
>>711762755
but you're constantly in pain
>>711762671
You're disabled also.
>>711762846
Ha! I know I have that power.
>>711762873
still gets hurt when you hit the ground
>>711762528
only underground
>>711761784
You can speak any language, but can't tell which language you're speaking at any given time.
>>711761953
The molecules of your body disperse in one location and reconstitute in another.
In effect, it seems to be teleportation. What you've actually done is create a perfect copy to replace you, while the real "you" is atomized every time you teleport. You probably would never realize that you're not the "you" you were when you first gained your power.
>>711762003
And an inability to have a cup any time you WANT one.
>>711762125
Other people's thoughts filter into your mind, indistinguishable from your own. Being around other human beings results in a tangled web of thoughts skittering through your mind, and a lingering doubt as to whose thoughts are whose. Particularly crowded areas can send you into spasms as your mind is unable to hold the collective thoughts of so many human beings.
>>711762478
You can turn water into a specific alcohol: Pentaerythritol.
White, solid, crystalline, and totally inedible. The conversion rate is shitty, too.
>>711762755
an inability to feel hunger or thirst from your ceaseless metabolic taxation. You'll have to force yourself to remember to eat and drink, and will undoubtedly suffer health complications from chronic dehydration.
>>711762873
you'll break your ankles.
>>711762890
can only speak in animal
>>711762890
Only able to use racial slurs in those languages
>even in truck noises
The ability to ressurect people/animals from the dead
The ability to see the future.
>You can't change the future
>>711763199
But only if you fuck them first
>>711763199
Their souls are replaced with that of Lyndon B. Johnson
>>711763268
The ability to stop time
>Time also stops for you
>>711763199
By having sex with their corpse.
The ability to make things magnetic, regardless of their material composition.
>>711763292
Fuck beat me to it.
>>711763268
>>711763385
You're bad at this
>>711763456
You're fingers are permanently magnetic as well, you'll never be able to use a smartphone again
>>711763456
You're also a giant magnet. Still not for chicks though. Never for chicks.
>>711763470
Being good at naming superpowers that would have huge flaws in them
>Everyone hates you for supplying the consequence in the same reply
>>711762544
It turns out you actually can't, but everyone feels sorry for you for being totally delusional so they just play along
The ability to teach preschoolers integral calculus.
Can obtain (You)'s
can kill 4chin cancer
>>711763688
Shit
>>711763627
does that mean someone would kill themselves because they felt sorry for you
>>711763688
but they only appear as (OP)'s
>>711763665
They're better at it than you.
>>711763688
But every (You) takes a year of your life away.
>>711763563
No he's not
>>711763688
>>711763777
but someone else rolls trips
>>711762478
the alcohol is water flavored
>>711762528
but only as high as yo can jump for 1 second
>>711763733
Good point
>>711763688
Looks like you already have this power.
You can breathe in space.
>>711763292
How is this a bad thing
>>711763688
>>711762528
can't walk
>>711762653
doesn't work while erect
>>711762671
also poor
>>711762890
you forget what your original voice sounded like. You'll forever have to get by using other people's voices.
>>711763199
inability to heal or repair their bodies would result in them dying instantly every time you tried.
>>711763456
you can't control how powerful the magnetism is, resulting in space-distorting magnetic fields that end life on Earth
>>711763665
but an inability to teach them arithmetic or algebra, resulting in them learning a rote and bizarre un-calculus
>>711763688
but everyone calls you a newfag you fucking newfag
>>711763612
You don't get how this works
>>711763910
Your body is still subject to the vacuum of space, as well as cosmic radiation.
The ability to have consensual sex in he missionary position for the sole purpose of reproduction.
>>711763981
Being a troll
>Actually, there's no real consequence to this power
the ability to turn invisible but only in a pitch black room
You can will any girl you want to fall head-over heels in love with you, and she WILL have sex with you.
>>711764011
god still hates you
>>711764011
>by yourself
>>711764011
Your testicles don't produce any viable sperm.
>>711764066
and also you have AIDS?
you're not supposed to give a downside to your own power, anon
The ability to make dank memes
>>711764087
She will have AIDS.
>>711764087
You're full on fire island gay
>>711764011
She eats you after.
>>711764087
She has a dick
>>711764087
But that girl is only in your imagination
>>711763910
But your body will still be affected by vacum
>Can find anything someone lost
There is an anime literally about this, OP. And it's fucking hilarious.
>The Disastrous Life of Saiki K.
>>711762478
Yea, but you get stapled to a plank of wood and a bunch of faggots worship you for thousands of years
>cloning powers
>>711764087
She will rapidly get fat and turn into a fleshy breeding machine before you can stop her
>>711764204
It's always inside your dick hole.
>>711764204
but it'll always appear inside your anus
>Can do anything
>>711764158
They instantly get watermarked and screenshotted to shit.
>>711764204
can never find whomever lost them
>>711764204
But then they immediately assume you were the one that stole the item that was lost
>>711764347
want only to die
>>711763836
as apposed to burning your tongue and throat. water flavored alcohol would be quite nice
>>711764347
Except shit. The shit just builds up inside you until you kill yourself.
>>711764316
>>711764323
>>711764246
your clones are evil and will try to kill you
Growing all kinds of fruits and vegetables out of nowhere and wherever I desire
>>711764246
The clone is identical, except it has one exrta chromosome
>>711764347
Everything you do is so shitty, that the only thing you're good at doing is making anything worse.
This includes being alive.
>>711764702
ha!
>>711764702
But, then it's exactly similar.
>>711764246
your clones are always traumatized by the existential implications of being cloned from you
they all inevitably strike out on their own to pursue their own (identical) passions
the ability to turn anything into a door
>>711764890
You can't open the doors.
>>711764890
You can't use existing doors
>>711764347
Doesn't have the motivation or will to do anything
>>711764648
but the only way they become edible is by shoving them up your ass
Power: ability to bust a nut at will
>>711764890
when used ON a door, it'll turn it into literally anything
could be a stapler, could be the planet Mercury. Everything in between and beyond.
Ability to know every correct answer at any given time
>>711765104
It will be an actual nut comming out
The ability to shapeshift into a Norwegian retail worker
you can ejaculate infinite amounts of semen
>>711764648
You're allergic.
>>711761784
i can turn invisible but since my eyes reflect no light i render them useless and wander around blind.
>>711765104
your cum is aliens level acid to anything it touches, including yourself.
>>711765185
I am completely immune to damage from attacks
>>711762528
But it feels like you are on fire until you land.
>>711765159
But you can't answer it or say or write or express that knowleadge in any way
>>711765104
Will isn't gay and rejects your advances.
>>711765202
you are always female and you always get raped
>>711765288
you still feel the pain
>>711765159
But only able to speak lies
>>711765094
Too real.
>>711765104
Every time you do, it builds up inside your nutsack, and the only way to relieve the pressure is to have it surgically drained.
This includes nocturnal emissions.
>>711765159
inability to know which answer goes to which question
>>711765094
Sounds like my mom
>>711765205
This already has a downside in that there isn't enough space in the universe for infinite amounts of semen.
Power: able to keep my mother from dying in her sleep when i dont reply to posts
>>711765159
You will bare witness to unfortunate truths that will drive you insane, and understand things that you weren't meant to, or did not want to, understand.
You will know if you are about to kill yourself when you understand something horrible, and you will know that you won't be able to stop yourself, and you will know the exact moment you kill yourself, and you know you know you know you will still do it.
the ability to get dubbs or higher every post
>>711765610
but you die instead
>>711763910
You find out that space is a lie, created by the government as part of a much bigger conspiracy to keep the masses completely uninformed on literally everything and lull them into a sense of comfort in the idea that they know how the world works. You find out that every aspect of established science and other universally accepted facts are also a lie, and the only scientists that have made significant discoveries were just in on thd plot.
Babies aren't made from sperm fertilizing eggs; embryos are simply implanted by shadow agents while you sleep. The Earth is actually flat, but infinitely folding over on itself in spacetime. All influential figures from history were/are highly advanced robots. Your sanity spirals downward rapidly as you come to these realizations, and in the end, you commit suicide as you realize that reality itself is a lie- only to wake up in a rancid gelatinous mass that keeps you immobile but alive for the rest of eternity.
>Ability to kidnap and rape children
>>711765513
the universe expands perpetually though
t. astrophysicist
>>711765205
It requires an infinite amount of masturbation.
>>711765610
Immunities have no effect
Invisibility.
>>711765633
OFUCK
The ability to off myself
The ability to live a completely normal life; however, the desire to be more then normal constantly gets in the way.
>>711765205
It slowly leaks out pretty much all the time
>>711765770
But you fail every time
Improbability Drive
>>711765770
you don't want to die
>>711762383
thats not so bad
>>711765770
You can only do this on January 27th, 2400.
>>711765794
you kill yourself
>>711765633
CHECKED
>>711765665
Does it not have finite volume at any one moment?
>>711765633
but everytime you do, you lose an apendage. forcing you to never post here again
>>711765661
Erectile Dysfunction
>>711765202
but whenever you do this, you have to finish your 8hr shift, at norwegian Macys, put up with your micromanaging boss and continue to work there for another week and a half to afford a plane ticket back home. Untill you get home, you sleep on a coworkers couch and put up with him constantly insisting you should contribute more for food. And hes pakistani, and wont let you drink in the house.
My power: Ability to get free wifi anywhere
>>711765513
>>711765665
As demonstrated by blackholes, infinite density is possible, therefore even a universe with finite space can hold infinite mass, and infinite semen.
>>711765661
Only children with downsyndrome
>>711764204
But you can't ever hold onto possessions for more than a day.
>honestly, every other reply to this is better than mine, but oh well
Nothing bad, unfortunate, sad, dissapointing, harmful, undesirable, unlucky or nefarious can ever happen to me directly or indirectly
Ice powers.
>instantly gives you severe frostbite
>>711765839
the ability to reverse the outcome of any situation
>>711765661
Only girls
>>711765661
people have the ability to rape you aswell
>>711765813
The probability of you remaining in possession of the drive, not being fried alive, not turning into a pair of shoes, not dying violently, not becoming one with a giant mass of gay space aliens, or even not existing, is improbable, and it is so improbable, that the only probability this drive will produce is one of eternal suffering and displeasure for you, the anon.
>>711765957
youre still a faggot
>>711765909
wifi always has a download speed of one byte per a year
>>711765909
You dont know the password
>>711765964
You're not supposed to make one up and then give it a flaw retard
>>711765918
So he automatically creates a black hole everytime he ejaculates. Wonderful.
>>711765909
Only site that works is tumblr
>>711766119
The ability to inspire others to pretend to be retarded
>sleeping easy at night
>>711765957
>nothing good can happen either
>>711765610
instead, your mother dies whenever you do something else
>you don't know what that "something else" is
>>711765661
inability to escape the usual repercussions for doing so
>>711765721
can't be turned off
>>711765770
but the Christian afterlife is real and you're a sinner
>>711765957
but you died a minute before that immunity kicked in
>>711765982
you have to use your power before the outcome is decided, or it won't work
ability to bring moot back
>>711761784
The ability to turn on my tv while laying on the couch.
>>711762125
>read minds
in form of books, you have to actually read them
>>711766223
always oversleep for 1 hour
>ability to fire plasma bursts from my hands
>>711766119
>instantly causes the perpetual heatdeath of the omniverse
>>711766300
Wt snacks will come back aswell
>>711765982
>>711766239
that would be a pretty good idea for a show
>>711762922
kek
>>711766342
Nice stand ability you got there, Rohan-sensei.
The ability to turn into a cute girl
>>711766335
but you have to get up and find the remote in order to do so
Power: ability to retrieve remote wile sitting on the couch.....
>>711766502
youre a cat feminist and post on tumblr all day
>>711766372
Like that's a bad thing? Snacks was the shit.
>>711766300
Moot comes hack before stealing all of 4chins monies and runs away to mexico again.
>>711766568
i dont know where cat came from haha
>>711766560
You retrieve the garage remote instead.
>>711766560
Retrieving it will drain the battery completely
>>711766239
>you have to use your power before the outcome is decided, or it won't work
That's a good one actually. That could make a good plot
>>711766502
when you become girl you go into an enamored state and make horrible decisions.
>>711766237
Wonderfully countered. Sounds like an awfully boring life
>>711766239
> but you died a minute before that immunity kicked in
What a shitty counter
>>711766560
You can only change channel with your prostate
>>711765315
Underrated post
The ability to see the ending to every movie, books, and mysteries
>>711766560
remote is always broken
>>711766820
no control over it and you always get the plot spoiled
>>711766733
I thought it was clever.
Even anon's counter that "nothing good can happen" sounds very much like something bad in and of itself, so I wouldn't think it should work.
Mine was the only bad thing that could still affect you if you had total invulnerability: something bad that preempts that immunity.
>>711766820
You HAVE to see every ending before starting it
Photographic memory
>>711766919
I wanted to spoil the plot dumbshit
the ability to make perfect squares
>>711766352
The plasma still burns you hands and explodes violently when it is produced, going in every direction except where you really want it to go. It also superheats anything around it, including your blood, which boils immediately.
The ability to do drugs without any negative consequences whatsoever
>>711766820
You can't watch or read the rest of it
>>711766568
The ability to secretly want to fuck or be fucked by cat feminists on tumblr.
>>711767068
wew
kinda what I expected to see
Ability to become a child of the light but my body has already been poisoned to the point which I don't have enough energy nor capabilities to use said ability by the time I learned it. Btw you have this power too.
>>711767006
You can't get the scene of that one time you and your cousin touched wieners out of your head.
>>711767065
>can only do it in small chalkboards
>>711763665
But not any other math subject. You have to basically make them memorize every answer and resolution in a book, number by number, symbol by symbol. It would take months of extremelly intense work, and they would still have no idea what they're doing. Some time after that you, a math teacher, would be sued by the parents because their kids didn't do anything at school except for being tortured for hours and hours every day just to memorize solutions for calculus problems. You would lose all of your money, your job, and would then have to change your identity and start a new life in another city as a math teacher, and the story repeats again and again, until you die.
>>711767036
yea i thought so but just in case
>you can't tell anybody about the plot until they've seen it
>>711766335
>laying
>>711767006
You can't get the image of your mother giving birth to you out of your mind
>>711767074
You can't get high then
The ability to heal people from fatal injuries
>>711767065
They're so perfect that they are actually perfect circles.
>>711766365
Can you break that one down for me?
>>711767006
you can't see the present
>>711767074
...And it's thanks to a defect in your DNA which also makes you age 3 times faster than normal.
>>711767261
The healing process takes 5 seconds, but its a really bad job, and usually makes people's lives worse than being dead.
>>711767261
Only people you don't like
>>711767276
kek
>>711767399
kek
>>711767261
They are so grateful for healing them they pound your butt until you fall asleep every night.
The ability to fail at anything
>>711767261
by killing another 2 people
>>711767261
but you give them cancer in the process.
>>711767486
you fail at failing making you a winner
>>711767486
You win at everything and make people super baby jealous to the point they kill you.
The ability to fart with no sound or smell
>>711767261
You get the blame every time your group wipes
the ability to eat anything
Ability to ejaculate ants
>>711767486
You fail at being able to fail at anything, which causes you to succeed at failing, which then causes you to fail at succeeding in failing, which then causes you to succeed at failing at succeeding at failing, which then causes you to succeed at failing at succeeding at failing at succeeding at failing, which then causes the universe to apply infinite pressure at your crotch for being a complete asshole.
>>711761784
http://powerlisting.wikia.com/wiki/Special:Random
>>711767654
You only like eating dick
>>711766502
you always turn into Nikki Catsouras (porsche girl) 30 seconds before the crash
Power: Ability to bang Nikki Catsouras before the crash whenever i want lol
Ultimate eyesight, allowing you to see and choose wich parts of the spectrum you want to filter and wich not.
>>711767486
It always works
>>711767664
ants turn on you and murder your friends and family
>>711767649
You're forced to inhale your farts every time.
>>711765315
Kek
>>711767720
You're in the car with her when it crashes after you finish having sex.
>>711767486
You are constantly put in life or death situations
>>711767731
I'll take that risk
>>711767649
you have to yell to the top of your lungs "I FARTED EVERYBODY" for the ability to activate
>>711767721
It's incredibly painful to even filter out 1% of a wavelength.
>>711767702
i saw that one coming when i typed it
>>711764180
How is this a bad thing?
>>711767486
and you constantly get into scenarios which involve extremely easy decisions you fail, losing really big prices and commodities. Eventually you fail into depression and want to kill yourself. Attempting to suicide but failing every time.
Can become a super passable trap
>>711767731
>doesn't matter, came ants
>>711766300
an inability to make him stay
>>711766502
inability to turn back
>>711766820
inability to see the very beginning of any movie, book, or mystery
>>711767006
you can only remember things by picturing them. This would be a subtle flaw that would become apparent whenever you tried to learn anything complex, like a new language, or an instrument.
>>711767065
an inability to draw passable circles
>>711767074
you get addicted to being sober. you experience severe "sobriety withdrawal" whenever you're high. Not BECAUSE you got high, but because you're not sober.
>>711767261
I think we already did this one.
>>711767486
An inability to fail at nothing.
>>711767649
The room gets perceptibly warmer and moister every time you fart. Maybe nobody will ever draw a correlation, but you know it to be your own anus-water clouding the air.
>>711767654
a tiny, delicate anus unfit for shitting anything but tapioca or mashed potatoes.
>>711767664
have to be periodically "reloaded" by sticking dick in anthills
protip: everyone already has this power
>>711768014
But no longer have any desire to.
>>711767664
you can only cum when masturbating to pictures for ants
>>711768014
I'd fuck you
>>711768014
You're so passable, you lose your penis for a vagina. But your vagina isn't a biological vagina, but a surgically inverted penis that you must stretch and clean daily. Eventually, you regret the decision to chop off your penis, and you fall into a depression that ultimately becomes suicidal.
>>711768014
But have a masculine penis and not a feminie one
>>711768014
And you live in a muslim majority country.
Can naturally and painlessly die of old age but cant otherwise be died or murder
>>711768176
>Nikki Catsouras
ha
The ability to reach 600 posts in this thread.
>>711768304
>can't be died
2spoopy
>>711768363
everyone that posted on this thread gets b&
Can travel through time.
>But only to the Crusades.
>>711768304
you are crippled for life by falling off the stairs and breaking your neck at age 12.
>>711768304
On your 30th birthday, you accidentally slip and fall off a cliff, into a ravine, and trigger a rock slide. You become pinned underneath a fuckton of rocks and shit at the bottom of the ravine, and while you are in grevious pain and are being crushed alive, you can't die for the next ~70 years.
And no one knows where you are.
>>711768547
don't respond to your own power aspie
>>711768547
you must be a filthy infidel
also go back to ifunny
>>711768698
The ability to continually trigger people through the posts of others
>they still get upset
>>711768363
But it's all just replys to this post because your mother will die in her sleep if you don't reply to this post
>>711764158
everything you post is automatically given a 9gag watermark
The ability to have an ability.
The ability to infiltrate anywhere undetected
>>711768782
but your mom's anus turns inside-out and only you can push it back in
>>711768899
You only roll dubs instead of shoot spider webbing out of your penis.
>>711768899
>your ability sucks
>>711763938
>can't walk
>can fly low enough that no one could tell I wasn't walking
I accept the terms and conditions. Where do I sign?
The power to transfer your conscious into Donald Trump's,The God Emperor's body.
>>711768966
I gave you my power, how does that suck?
>>711764347
Every time you do something a parallel world is created and you remain in the one you didn't affect.
>>711769017
Fuck. literally no losing in this one boys. think he has us beaten. fucking nigger.
>>711768951
>jokes on you I'm a robot
>>711768948
you must tell everyone about it after you break in and provide evidence to prove that you did it.
>>711761784
I have the strength of an Ox, but only while fighting an Ox.
>>711769017
You can only do this the moment he is about to die.
>>711769184
While fighting an Ox, the Ox has the power of 10 Oxen, and is also gay.
,>>711762301
>>711762482
>he gets 72 virgins, but they're all men
>sweaty, nasty, greasy, neckbeard, white knight men
>>711762475
does it make a sound?
>>711769308
That's someone's fetish, I'm sure.
>>711769017
you enter the body of another random guy in the world named Donald trump. you can not swap out
Billy May's voice and selling abilities
Be the Orlando Club shooter, get to kill gay people for a night of hot, sexy fun. Power is Go and receive 72 virgins form Allah upon Death. No losing.
You have the ability to 404 this thread.
>>711769523
But forgot to 'sage' it
>>711769492
You can't stop yelling or selling nouns, even when it's inappropriate to do so, and you constantly act as if you are talking to an invisible camera.
the ability to cause eternal bleeding to anyone
>>711768183
this is too real. lol
Good work anon
>>711767651
fucking kek
>>711769511
You have to kill them by being shot with copious amounts of semen from other men until they all die of heart failure. You must walk out of the club, covered in semen, and be shot dead by police.
>>711769674
The universe drowns in an infinite amount of blood
>>711769492
you can only sell your soul
>>711769459
Another random guy named Donald Trump, The God-Emperor? Cool parents.
>>711769674
>>711769808
There aren't enough vampires in the universe to contain the edge of the eternal blade.
>>711769674
can't control it and end up doing it to yourself
>>711769919
what the fuck are you on about
>>711769017
You enter the body of a man who spent the last of his life savings, his house, his car, his left kidney, and all of his worldly possessions, to legally change his name to Donald Trump. You must now live as a homeless man who claims he changed his name to Donald Trump.
power to have a jizz rag ready at your disposal at will
>>711770055
Occam's razorblade.
>>711765610
But the only way to keep her alive is by raping her
>>711770100
But you cant jizz.
Also, checked
>>711770100
It's always someone else's jizz rag, and it's encased in several layers of smegma, blood, and semen.
>>711770100
jizz rag so soaked with cum that you end up making a bigger mess then you started with
The power to die.
the power to be a fat neck beard with a hot girlfriend who is also your mother, but also your sister.
