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ITT: Ruin the interview in 5 words

The stories and information posted here are artistic works of fiction and falsehood.
Only a fool would take anything posted here as fact.

Thread replies: 271
Thread images: 23
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ITT: Ruin the interview in 5 words
>>
I earned the degree online
>>
speaking loud: I REQUIRE ANAL SUSTENANCE HUMAN
>>
>>711419781
Is there a drug test?
>>
Is alright if I dip?
>>
>>711420150
fucking great
>>
You dont background check right?
>>
I majored in gender studies
>>
Sorry, I'm just really hungover
>>
Jet fuel melts steel beams
>>
>>711420372
T H I S
>>
Meter was taken, parked handicap
>>
>>711419781
How much is the pay?
>>
I just came in here to use your washroom...
>>
Jews Nine Eleven Dubs Get
>>
>>711420486
Nah thats an important question for real jobs
>>
>>711419781
can i get this friday off?
>>
>>711419781
I'm going to replace you.
>>
>>711419944
Nice trips chap.
>>
Hobbies? I browse 4chan daily.
>>
>>711419781

"I won't work with niggers."
>>
Sorry, I forgot to wipe.
>>
HIS NAME WAS ROBERT PAULSON
>>
>>711419781
I voted for Hillary Clinton
>>
>>711420579
They're dubble dubs, dipshit
>>
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Nigger Nigger Nigger Nigger Nigger
>>
>>711419781
Just done fingering your wife
>>
I'll cover my neck tattoos
>>
Are the cameras actually watched?
>>
Where can I masterbate privately
>>
Mind if I smoke here?
>>
>>71141978
Are you pregnant or fat?
>>
Shit, left my stove on
>>
Sorry, I clogged your shitter
>>
Wheres the nearest adult store
>>
Whos the babe in HR?
>>
>>711420579
Nice quints, dudebrolio.
>>
"Hi, I am Melanie Trump"
>>
I can only work tuesdays
>>
think i got an STD
>>
Any brown people work here?
>>
Lotta hot chicks work here?
>>
I fucking hate niggers boss
>>
My cock wants your mouth
>>
>>711420690
>Doesnt get the joke.
>>
Your fired.
*give the manager a stare off*
>>
Reply or your mother dies.
>>
This wasnt my first choice
>>
>>711419781
I masturbate to child pornography
>>
>>711421256

No, Mr. Anon.

After a comment like that...

you're the boss.

Welcome aboard sir.
>>
Diversity is a white construct.
>>
Can I brush your hair?
>>
>>711421315
You're.
>>
>>711421399
What is he?!
>>
nice tits for an indian
>>
I can teleport
>>
Sounded white on the phone.
>>
I'm a premature ejaculator.
>>
>>711421453
His fired.
>>
I will arrive late constantly
>>
Have you read Mein Kamf??
>>
You ask too many questions.
>>
I voted for Donald Trump
>>
Sage goes in all fields
>>
Can we wrap this up?
>>
I have narcolepsy and tourrettes
>>
So your application misgendered me...
>>
Don't Jew me on pay.
>>
Member' segregation? I member.
>>
I want a corner office
>>
Real eyes realize real lies.
>>
Can i wear your skin?
>>
>>711422003
Jaden, you're hired!
>>
Im lowkey eye fucking you
>>
Education? I graduated Kaplan University
>>
>>711422073
Thanksss Dad.
>>
harambe was just a gorilla
>>
>>711422095
you dont get the job because we need a candidate who can be highkey
>>
How old is your daughter?
>>
>>711422073
2Pak Shaker actually
>>
I have been silently farting.
>>
Handshakes almost always trigger me
>>
self employed, I sell blow
>>
What the fuck did you-just-fucking-say-about-me,-you-little-bitch?-I’ll-have-you-know-I-graduated-top-of-my-class-in-the-Navy-Seals,-and-I’ve-been-involved-in-numerous-secret-raids-on-Al-Quaeda,-and-I-have-over-300-confirmed-kills.-I-am-trained-in-gorilla-warfare-and-I’m-the-top-sniper-in-the-entire-US-armed-forces.-You-are-nothing-to-me-but-just-another-target.-I-will-wipe-you-the-fuck-out-with-precision-the-likes-of-which-has-never-been-seen-before-on-this-Earth,-mark-my-fucking-words.-You-think-you-can-get-away-with-saying-that-shit-to-me-over-the-Internet?-Think-again,-fucker.-As-we-speak-I-am-contacting-my-secret-network-of-spies-across-the-USA-and-your-IP-is-being-traced-right-now-so-you-better-prepare-for-the-storm,-maggot.-The-storm-that-wipes-out-the-pathetic-little-thing-you-call-your-life.-You’re-fucking-dead,-kid.-I-can-be-anywhere,-anytime,-and-I-can-kill-you-in-over-seven-hundred-ways,-and-that’s-just-with-my-bare-hands.-Not-only-am-I-extensively-trained-in-unarmed-combat,-but-I-have-access-to-the-entire-arsenal-of-the-United-States-Marine-Corps-and-I-will-use-it-to-its-full-extent-to-wipe-your-miserable-ass-off-the-face-of-the-continent,-you-little-shit.-If-only-you-could-have-known-what-unholy-retribution-your-little-“clever”-comment-was-about-to-bring-down-upon-you,-maybe-you-would-have-held-your-fucking-tongue.-But-you-couldn’t,-you-didn’t,-and-now-you’re-paying-the-price,-you-goddamn-idiot.-I-will-shit-fury-all-over-you-and-you-will-drown-in-it.-You’re-fucking-dead,-kiddo.
>>
I'm a registered sex offender
>>
>>711422331
I have been silently fapping.
>>
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i like to browse 4chanb
>>
Will suck dick for crack
>>
where da white wimmin at?
>>
Nigreos and spics should die
>>
fuck I posted way to much on this thread.
Im a fucking loser
>>
>>711420620
You're hired
>>
Your mom was very loose.
>>
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>>711420107
>>
>>711419781
I have brought a gun.
>>
>>711422904
Sorry, I'm pretty girthy
>>
The Y in your girl's silent.
>>
>>711422940
Lol i just fucking got a job and wanted to celebrate by smoking. But i start monday and couldnt really ask if there was gonna be a drug test...
>>
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>>711419781
I just shit my pants.
>>
>>711419781

Please sexually harrass me senpai
>>
Do you also meme professionally?
>>
whats your definition of "harassment"?
>>
I didn't actually finish school
>>
Can we sleep at work?
>>
>>711423225
well, that's the position we are trying to fill...
>>
>>711419781
I graduated Trump university, USA!
>>
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>>711423073
If you are all ready hired chances are you are not gonna get tested. That is not to say that they would randomly test you depending on the job or if they suspect you of using
>>
You wanna yiff after work?
>>
You can't ignore my girth.
>>
Hitler didn't do anything wrong.
>>
its a "payed" internship right?
>>
I post banana memes online
>>
>>711423406
yea i both figured that and smoked anyway. but now that anon agrees with me i feel safer
>>
How can I get fired?
>>
Im not working for you
>>
I need to pray hourly
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Phew, my buttplug almost fell out.
>>
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>>711420666
>>
Islam's a religion of peace
>>
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>>711419781
My main qualification? Street smarts.
>>
>>711420486
That's actually an important question that is discussed.
>>
Are assless chaps sexual harassment?
>>
I'm useless and I smell.
>>
God I hate wearing suits
>>
>>711423754
You're not useless if you can smell!
>>
>>711419781
Hijabs are required.
>>
How do I shot web?
>>
I'd say "I have no experience whatsoever," but recent events suggest that's not so much of a deal breaker after all
>>
>>711423561
Best answer so far
>>
I collect fuckable pony plushies.
>>
Can I borrow your phone?
>>
Mind paying the cab outside?
>>
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>>711419781
I occasionally browse 4 chan
>>
>>711419781
Is youporn blocked on the computers here?
>>
>>711424086
>7 words
>>
I was told it's legal as long as I don't touch.
>>
Hold on, parole officer's calling.
>>
>>711424172
I don't limit myself to your constructs. Nigbing
>>
i am a nonbinary pansexual duospirit male
>>
ITT people who cannot count to 5
>>
>>711421308
What fucking joke? Oh you mean (you)? Yeah you're a joke.
>>
Im a registered sex offender
>>
Did u bring the goods
>>
>>711424668
I'm an unregistered sex offender ;)
>>
>>711419781
I post bananas on 4chan
>>
>>711424464
but thats 7 words
>>
>>711421329
Replied
>>
I voted for hillary
>>
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ITT: were working in a subway restaurant

Trips: We get robbed.
Dubs: We get a health inspector to check the place out.
>>
>>711425181
Hi kids I'm Jared let me show you my footlong in the back
>>
>>711421329

feck
>>
>>711425181
get the fuck out of my thread cunt
>>
My favorite band is Nickelback
>>
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>>711419781

I require a safe space.
>>
Im with black lives matter
>>
Behead those who insult Islam!
>>
>>711421035
lol this is my favorite
>>
>>711419781
allahu akbar
>>
Please hurry, mom's waiting outside.
>>
I watch my little pony
>>
I am a 4chan celebrity
>>
>>711419781

I am a 4chan celebrity
>>
My real name is Girthquake.
>>
>>711419781
I fap with that hand
>>
really?
>>
Any schools within a mile?
>>
>>711419781
I do not eat ass.
>>
>>711421329
Joke's on you, she's already dead.
>>
Can I ruin your pussy?
>>
>>711428332
I do like eating ass
>>
>>711419781
I hope Trump deports you.
>>
i shit post on 4chan
>>
Oh, just ignore the smell.
>>
>>711420107
kek
>>
Should I disrobe now.. or?
>>
>>711420666
His name? Was Robert Paulson!
>>
Hillary won the popular vote.
>>
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>>711429272
TopKek
>>
Grab her by the pussy
>>
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>>711429272
Lulz!
>>
>>711429911
You're fired.
/thread
>>
>>711419781
havn't I sucked your dick?
>>
I browse 4chan every day
>>
>>711421266
underrated
>>
>>711419781
i pooped hard it overflow
>>
>>711419781
I post on anime imageboards
>>
OP is not a faggot.
>>
>>711419781
Goodbye, have a good day!
Then leave
>>
>>711419781
I Made America Gay Again.
>>
>>711419781
I am a Clinton fan
>>
>>711419781
Black Lives Matter
>>
>>711433210
That's not five words you dumb fuck
>>
>>711433210
>>711433226
Same fagging
>>
>>711433210
>>711433226
>>711433238
Same same fag gagging
>>
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www.politicaloutsource.com for your best political news resource. Real, honest journalism
>>
>>711419781
Lets do lines of coke?
>>
I honestly voted for Trump
>>
>>711419781

I'll own you one day
>>
>>711421329
Umri
>>
I just lost the game.
>>
>>711419781
Is my shaft visible whoopah (at this point stand up and start whipping your dick like Indie. Until security escorts you out.)
>>
>>711419950
*aloud or alternatively *loudly

I R AM TALK LOUD
>>
>everyone assuming you're the one being interviewed
>>
>>711420150
If I dip you dip we dip?
>>
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>>711420381
Ayyyyy ;()
>>
I'm circumsised you cunt
>>
>>711433998
Thank you for coming anon.
>>
>>711419781
SUCK MY DICK FUCKING NIGGER
>>
>>711419781

Make America Great Again, Xir
>>
How old is your daughter?
;D
>>
Do want fuk?
>>
>>711419781
mongolian cartoon discussion forum user
>>
Can I bring my toys?
>>
>>711419944
What's wrong with studying online?
>>
>>711421127
that was a brilliant effort anon
>>
>>711419781
Do you press charges?
>>
>>711423359
>take second job at xmas to make extra cash
>canadian tire, mainly sold xmas trees and grabbed lights for seniors, chill af
>notice summer display window is curtained off
>manager leaves early, catch a nap for 2 hours
>nothing bad happened
Sweet
>>
>>711421329
Joke
>>
>>711419781
Who the fuck just farted?
>>
WE DON'T NEED ANOTHER HERO
>>
>>711420579
thoose 11 dubs, damn, you're lucky
>>
>>711419781
I thought there was food
>>
I voted for Hillary Clinton
>>
Where is the bathroom?......nevermind
>>
>>711437310

Online universities are valueless, it's basically like saying I downloaded the bachelor degree off 4 chan.
>>
>>711429154
And you still replied
>>
I just shit myself
>>
>>711419781
Doesn't matter had sex
>>
Osama is my uncle
>>
How old is your daughter
>>
>>711419781

Islam is religion of peace.
>>
>>711440680
>>
4chan, harambe, oppression, depression, recession
>>
>>711440705
>>
I am a mexican senor
>>
i make deep web memes
>>
Let me lick your armpit
>>
>>711422444
Rolln
>>
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>>711440754
>>
>>711441000
my double-dubs tripped over the 1 ;(
>>
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>>711440680
>>711440705
>>711440754
>>711441000
fag detected
>>
Porridge porridge porridge porridge bonobo
>>
>>711441000
Checked
>>
>>711441081
Hehe, I'm sorry fag-detective. I'm afraid you'll have to try harder. This was a joint crime!
>>
are there niggers working here?
>>
sorry me no speak english
>>
>>711441291
Est-ce-que tu parler français bien?
>>
I fuck baby boys cunt.
>>
>>711441343
你在说什么?
>>
>>711421329
As long as nobody's Jewish
>>
>>711419781
my name is Tyrone Washington
>>
>I will probably be late
This is something I actually said, I didn't get the job.
>>
>>711421329
will try this in next interview. jej
>>
>>711421329
Do you vape or what
>>
>>711419781
What's with all the questions?
>>
>>711419781

I voted for Donald trump.
>>
>>711441505
non, je suis très désolé
>>
>>711419781
I hate niggers. So what?
>>
I work by the book
>>
>>711420486
you goddamn child
>>
>>711419781
Nigger nigger nigger nigger nigger
>>
>>711420620
won't are two words
>>
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>>711419781
Make America Great Again, Again
>>
>>711419781
I am American and over 25.

Dammit, that is 6 words.
>>
>>711441505
je voudrais en sais chineuse une jour
>>
Do you do anal?
>>
>>711442040
Will not = 2 words
Won't = 1 conjunction
You = kill joy

I'm sure that you're the type of person who is the center of attention at every party.
>>
>>711419781

I consider myself a perfectionist
Thread replies: 271
Thread images: 23


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