Congratulations! A genie has decided to give you a superpower of your choice! There's only one caveat, /b/ must choose your one weakness.
So /b/, what superpower do you want?
>>710938843
The ability to get gets on the fly
>>710938843
The ability to freely shapeshift into whatever form I like.
>>710939094
Inorite?
>>710939094
You can now only listen to Sports by Huey Lewis and the News.
>>710938843
Teleportation
Teleport into bank, steal cash, teleport out. If the cops see me, I teleport out of the cop car when they arrest me
>>710939436
Your weakness is flatulence. If you don't fart every 5 seconds while shapeshifted you will explode into a bloody mess.
>>710939782
You call that weakness? That's a gift. Thanks man.
>>710939900
When you teleport, your dick stays behind on odd number teleports, and it reattaches at a weird random angle on odd number teleports.
>>710939900
Only your body teleports, so you show up naked wherever you teleport. Only things inside your body are safe.
Better practice carrying stolen money up your butt.
overwhelming charisma
i would want overwhelming charisma
>>710938843
My super power is that no one can reply to my posts. What now faggots?
>>710940546
Your overwhelming charisma breaks by shitting your pants every time you finish a social meeting.
Pic related
>>710938843
The ability to give AIDS but don't suffer from it.
Oh wait never mind I'm from reddit
@710940677
The @ symbol is your weakness.
I want to have the power to make myself not sad
>>710939094
But you constantly have sand in your home
>>710940677
People with friends and tulpas can still reply to your posts because you didn't say "no two".
So all replies to your posts end up being weird because they contain input from two people.
(You tell him! :3)
>>710940677
Deez nutz
>>710940677
Except for me. I'm your weakness.
>>710940968
lol
>>710940826
Lime-Shaped bombs can kill you twice as fast.
Directly changing the superpower is a lazy way of making weaknesses.
>>710941044
Dubs of weakness
Checked
>>710940826
You poo a lil' every time a lemon shaped bomb asplodes near you
>>710938843
Mind control, who needs power when you can just make other people do shit for you?
I can regrow body parts in a matter of seconds, and detach body parts like a salamander except that the body parts launch like rockets and explode.
>>710941364
Your weakness is that you can only control the minds of people you have seen masturbate.
>>710938843
Shapeshift any part of my body into anything. I could completely change my form or have motherfucking arm swords
>>710938843
the ability to sneeze at will
>>710941408
Your weakness is that your father touched you when you were little and now you touch your son so you can feel okay about it.
>>710938843
Telekinetic power on par with what this faggot has
>>710940941
You can only trade your sadness for someone else's happiness.
Kind of like real life.
The ability to create and destroy energy.
>>710941562
a sneeze would be followed up by a fart
>>710941170
You have to loudly say "BY THE LORD'S POWER, THIS MAN WILL BE HEALED!" then apply your hand to their face.
If it's a woman, you still say man.
>>710939094
Only works in dead/dying threads.
C'mon guys. Weakness should be related to the power.
>>710941518
But you can only do this if your balls are exposed. For example, you can become a fighter jet, but the wind from flying at high speeds will cause your exposed nutsack to flack constantly against your metallic body.
>>710941408
okay but they explode way too fucking huge and it's just aggressively violent to the point that you're harming yourself as well as the entire surrounding area.
>>710941572
it only works on penis
>>710938843
i want the power to kill myself
>>710941562
You pee a little every time you sneeze.
Congrats, you're a woman now.
>>710941589
now i'll just be sad forever :^(
>>710941615
You become Robbie Rotten and focus on destroying athletic energy.
>>710941615
every time you use your powers you need to have gay bondage sex with a random paki
>>710941364
When you mind control someone, you get 1/5th of their IQ level until you find someone new to mind control.
>>710938843
ability to shart gold
>>710941757
Every time you think about killing yourself, some guy constantly shouts things like "OH MY GOD THAT GUY IS GONNA KILL HIMSELF" and everyone believes him.
>>710938843
I am god in a area of 1km .
For retard who doesn't know how much 1km is, it's about 2 times earth-sun distance.
>>710941572
You become an even bigger faggot than him.
>>710942056
You can only shart golden razorblades
I can conjure unlimited breadsticks at will. They are always hot and soft, never stale.
>>710941748
oh fuck, well this guy is so good he can reprogram a brain on a molecular level so i could probably use some skin of my dick as a bullet to destroy armies. thx for the oppurtunity
The ability to make any black-bull have sex with my wife.
>>710942102
you cannot do anything without 2 other radically different entities in your head also agreeing on it.
>>710942056
The gold you shit out turns anything it touches into gold too, including yourself.
>>710942191
Every bread stick has four spiders in it.
>>710942191
If you're thinking about breadsticks, your voice is 100dB louder, although far deeper so most of the energy goes into body-shaking booming rather than making people deaf
>>710938843
Leave /b/ forever.
>>710942221
Literal black bulls, and you're second course.
>>710942221
You get a pass. You're fucked enough.
>>710942403
/b/ becomes a good place.
i want to play melee as a literal god op
>>710942221
Your "wife" divorces you after using your power and was really a man the entire time.
the ability to make everyone in a 1 mile radius feel mildly perturbed anytime they think about food
>>710942191
the breadsticks when conjured always ALWAYS appears deep in your asshole
>>710942102
You must always work in mysterious ways.
>>710942513
You activate this power by helicoptering your dick in front of a small child.
>>710942468
Playing a game of Melee results in having your copy turn into brawl with increased tripping
I am spiderman, that's my superpower.
>>710942102
drawback is genie granted the wish but he uses metric systems so it's only a 1km radius and the area is so far off earth you never could reach it and since you're not a god at earth you never really could use your powers. :c sad for u
>>710941364
You can only control the minds of physically disabled people
>>710942513
after approximately 30 minutes the perturbation morphs into sexually violent behavior directed at you
>>710942513
They feel perturbed because they imagine you watching them hungrily, knowing you'll lunge after the food they imagine if they ate it without staring you down.
The ability to summon a clone army of Gary Busey to attack my enemies
>>710938843
The ability to obliterate niggers from existence
>>710942663
All girls you have interests in all die. Just like Spider-Man.
>>710942663
You keep forgetting how to shot web
>>710938843
My super power is to be so strong that I am immune to and and all weaknesses.
>>710942476
Ouch
>>710942736
You become your own enemy eventually.
>>710942772
I'm gay so that's fine.
I can convince anyone to have sex with me.
>>710942762
Every nigger you kill gives birth to 20 Jews that are immortal.
>>710942873
They all die after you have convinced them
>>710942663
You are this spiderman
The ability to bend metal and electricity at will.
>>710942831
You are a tranny with a tiny dick and a disgusting asshole
>>710942468
You can only play on the Icicle Mountain.
The ability to leave behind an extremely slippery substance with any part of my body or anything I'm wearing at will, so I can gather some speed and then slide for ages.
>>710942861
thats what you keep a werewolf on standby for
>>710942831
Your strength makes you utterly isolated and determined a freak of nature
>>710942873
The sex that you got from your power will always be awful
>>710942987
Will I still get the sex?
>>710938843
the power of making anything by sheer force of willpower
>>710942987
You say that as though it would be an actual weakness for anyone on here. Most would likely prefer it that way.
>>710943006
Every piece of metal you bend becomes sentient and talks shit about you behind your back.
>>710940677
Without the weakness the power can't be granted. So I'm not entirely sure what you'd gain out of this.
>>710942663
You're the Toby Macguire version.
>>710943096
No anon, i'm sorry.
>>710943006
wood can kill you with barely a scratch
>>710943057
The substance is slippery menstrual blood.
>>710942221
found the faggot
Reality warping
>>710943244
You gave him assassin powers
intelligence like that of the main character in "The Killing Fields"
>>710943005
This is making me laugh so hard that my roommates probably can hear it.
>>710942289
That sounds cool af, I don't even complain
>>710942367
You're a faggot
>>710942676
I'll convince the entities to make devices that makes the god-area move with it and follow me through the universe and settles on my rectum.
Also you lack of creativity and also are a faggot.
I wish to control the flow of time at will, as well as be able to interact with things as though time's flow was normal regardless of what status it is in
>>710943388
Save it, it's yours
>>710943152
You gain depression every time you make something
I wish I could gather speed for 12 hours.
The ability to shitpost like the entire russian country without getting banned
>>710938843
The ability to change whatever I want to change whenever I want to change it.
>>710943377
Fuck Yeah. Destroy this fucking system.
>>710943522
Anon, I've looking for this for so many days. Thx love you, directly to my "best of 4 chan" folder
The ability to win coin tosses
>>710943358
Throughout the affected area, the song "Mind Heist" plays at deafening volumes.
>>710943587
You always mix up the defacto speeds for the PUs
>>710938843
The ability to always provide sauce.
>>710943152
everything you make instantly turn into a steaming pile of shit after 2 seconds because the genie disliked your request
>>710943690
You only win ~50% of the time
I want the ability to produce one single green M&M every 72 hours.
>>710943668
You die after you use your power, no respawns...
>>710943358
You age a bit faster everytime you warp.
>>710943844
I'd change that
Immortality
>>710943779
The sauce is always being covered up by literal sauce
>>710938843
Invisibility.
Will sneak into the CDC and disperse every one of the worst viruses know to man.
Thus solving all humanities problems once and for all.
perfect. my chance to use this gif
>>710943656
It gets produced in some rural African village that barely understands civlisation.
>>710943905
the drawback is you live forever
>>710943938
You monster.
>>710943820
You produce this M&M by shitting it out.
>>710943820
for every single green one you make a 100 tropical banana flavor starbursts is made that you have to eat
>>710943779
You can't post links.
>>710943820
but its mint flavoured
>>710943905
But not for your body. Soon you'd just be a vegetable. And live a life of suffering because your body dies but your mind lives in a husk
>>710938843
The ability to stop and slow time.
Time runs the same for me no matter what, so I will age faster the more I use the power.
the ability to go invisible at will (clothes and other on body accessories also go invisible)
>>710943905
You can't sleep. Yet you feel like a normal person would.
If you ever manage to sleep, the time you slept, you will be vulnerable.
>>710944214
Touching anything while time is stopped with cause it to fucking explode including the floor
>>710943787
>>710943152
You have ADHD
>>710944214
You spawn dog shit under your feet.
>>710943966
You can only become invisible after drinking 250cc semen.
If it yours you will need twice that.
>>710944226
You can't interact with anything while invisible. Including physics like gravity.
>>710944226
You are blind while invisible.
>>710944291
Still leaves the plan viable by the dude that wanted to freeze time and become a porn star
>freeze time right as you come
>continuously start and stop time making it appear to cum gallons on her while you age in seconds
Teleportation
to fly like superman
>>710944226
You only think you're invisible, but you're just insane.
Time travel, i guess the only weakness I could really have would be a cooldown timer?
>>710941492
>an army of porn people with a few public wanker officers
>Forward, my minions!
>>710944535
25% chance you TP into the center of the earth every time you TP
>>710938843
To have the innate ability to craft a portal of finite size into, and out of, a pocket dimension of arbitrary size.
Inside this pocket dimension there are no limitations of any variety on what I can do, create, or build. I am functionally omnipotent, within the confines of the pocket universe. Objects can pass into, and out of, the portal while retaining all of their properties. Within the pocket dimension there is a human-life-sustaining environment until I choose to change it. Within that realm, I do not need detailed comprehension of objects I create, or it's behavior, I need only establish the type of object I wish to create and it will appear, thus I do not need to understand biochemistry to make a living creature, for instance.
Everything within the pocket-realm is subject to my will as an omnipotent deity.
The ability to see 10 minutes into the future
>>710944576
you're propelled by farts from your asshole
>>710944588
you can only go in 1 direction
>>710938843
Shitposting on /b/
>>710944535
you can only teleport into the center of random gay sex clubs and you dont get to choose which ones you're going to teleport into
>>710944369
I do have that
The ability to give zero fucks.
>>710944588
Your age goes up or down depending on how far you go into the past/future
So you're 20, and you go 4 years into the future, You're 24 now.
You're 20 and you go back 4 years, you're 16 now.
>>710944588
You can only travel forwards in time.
>>710944415
a quarter to half a liter of semen.
that's a water bottle's worth of semen.
>>710944734
ur an fagit
>>710944576
While flying, you are more likely to eat a bug the higher the altitude or further away from the earth you are. Being at 2,000 ft high or higher will give you a 100% chance of eating a bug
>>710944779
You can only make dick rate and trap threads
>>710944779
you are forever stuck on r9k until you kill yourself
>>710944831
for every fuck you don't give, your anus receives.
>>710944831
fucks keep being given to you, often times against your will
every time i take a shit, it comes out made of gold.
>>710944743
You can only see the closest instance to you of gay sex happening in the next 10 minutes.
My power: Can heat things up by 10 degrees (F) by looking at it.
>>710944887
make it two if it is of your own
>>710945015
you are forever constipated
the power of charging every object i want with "potential sexual stimulation energy" or PSSE, so when that object is touched by someone else he/she cums depending on how much i charged said object
>>710945015
every piece of shit gold still smells like shit and leaves brown stains in peoples hands
>>710944831
Giving 0 fucks would divide all numbers by 0.
>>710943358
You can never warp reality to not be a faggot.
>>710945015
everytime you shit your penis grow smaller
>>710945015
le[leprechauns keep plundering your shit canal whenever you sleep
>>710945015
Your butt hole loses its elasticity
>>710945046
>My power: Can heat things up by 10 degrees (F) by looking at it.
only works on your laptop battery
>>710938843
A magician type super power.
If I reach into my pocket, backpack, dufflebag, etc I can pull out an object that would fit in that bag. Anything. If I need to get into a room, I reach into my pocket and I can pull out the home owner's keys to get in. If Im being chased down I can reach into my backpack and pull out a gun or w.e I need.
Limitations for my power would be that if I have nothing to reach into I wont be able to pull out shit. Send a sey bitch to seduce me. Get me down to my boxers. Cuff my hands. Im useless.
Other limitations of my power would be that w.e object I steal by pulling out of my pocket will not be in its original spot. The keys I used to get in are not mine. Home owner would return home and have no keys to get in. If any of this makes sense.
Made this idea up with friends a while ago. We wanted o think up cool powers that had limitations. Rule was no one could be a 5 star mutant.
>>710945101
It takes month to charge the objects.
Unless the object is in your ass, in that case it will be charged in 10 seconds.
The ability to win
>>710944734
every time you come outside the pocket dimension you get covered from head to toe in a brown shit-like substance
>>710945468
ability is limited to the autism awards
>>710945468
You can never get into a competition.
>>710945078
I just fish it out with my fingers.
>>710945108
I'll just go to India and sell my shit. The food will make me shit non-stop and Indians don't mind shitstain
>>710945254
It'll make obtaining the gold far easier.
>>710945195
I'll make sure I shit before I sleep. They'll soon learn.
>>710945175
Wouldn't mind loosing an inch for 10 mil.
>>710945468
You're Charlie Sheen
>>710945416
sounds perfect
>>710945468
you can only win after losing
>>710945620
>I'll make sure I shit before I sleep. They'll soon learn.
Got a mental picture of some loony toons type shit where you're hiding little bear traps in and around your asshole
>>710945468
Only because of that rare pepe, everytime you win, you get dubs like these
>>710938843
The power to cease to exist and get a better replacement for my family to be happy as I was never born.
>>710945817
the better replacement gets killed by a pack of basketballbarians
I want teleportation
>>710945527
that would honestly still be very worth it
>>710945797
If I shat gold I would honestly hire a militia to protect my bootyhole.
>>710945897
you get the ability to summon fog from you asshole instead
Am I still b&?
If not disregard this post, I suck cocks
I want the ability to freeze time.
>>710945977
you're misunderstanding the game, or are simply retarded
>>710946027
you freeze too unable to unfreeze it
The ability to shrink or expand at will
>>710946027
you age triple fast for every time you do
>>710946102
everything shrinks or expands with you
>>710945897
/b/ gets to choose the location you teleport to.
>>710942831
You are immune to and and all weaknesses but are a solid block of adamant, unable to move or revert unless a dog comes by and pees on you.
>>710946037
you said you want, not I wish.
Be exact or suffer the genies laughs
>>710946102
You can't expand your dick size, so it will never be more than 2 inches
>>710945977
Ignore this.
>>710945897
>Take this instead:
Every time you warp you stay attached to the initial zone, and you have to go back in 10 mins top. You can't interact with any object during that time.
ability to talk to animals and understand them
>>710946027
You only freeze your own time-bubble and everybody around you lives as normal.
Or you can only freeze time for as long as you can hold your breath.
>>710946024
the cock you suck is mine
>>710938843
a majical penn that can
>grant powers if you eat the paper containing the word
>bring art to life(real world physics don't apply
>never runs out of ink
>is in destructible
>can be summoned at will from pocked dimension
I would change the world with this tool
>hunger
>desease
>famine
all gone the age of the Empire of man will start
and i will lead humanity to glory.
>>710946261
in mandarin
>>710946301
>magical
>>710946261
Think Eddie Murphy Dr. Doolittle but eventually the animals end up letting a bear or something shank you when you don't help them all fast enough
>>710938843
I wish to control the flow of time.
>>710946251
what do you mean by "stay attached"? My body gets stretched?
>>710946261
The animals you talk to make you regret wanting to talk to them. They will shitpost harder than all of 4chan combined.
>>710946027
the more you stay in frozen time, the colder you feel.
If you spend too much time in frozen time you can die of hypothermia
>>710946191
Those are gonna be the best threads in the entire story of /b/
>>710946397
Your age still changes with the flow.
The ability to produce the worlds most delicious biscuits on demand.
>>710946342
I could learn mandarin. I'll take it
>>710940469
Ass pennies
>>710946474
You can no longer taste anything.
The ability to change my body structure to whatever I like, be it changing genders or becoming an ant. I will always retain my entire conciousness and still think like my original self regardless of form and liquids or gases pose no issue as the particles will always stay in close proximity to each other.
>>710946474
every time you make said biscuits your highschool bully magically appears and beats you up and takes em
>>710946261
You lose the ability to talk to humans. Any attempt results in a donkey noise.
Ability to kill anyone without repercussions
>>710946409
It's like a checkpoint, when the teleport time is over, you go there.
That would make you unable to teleport from your new location.
The ability to warp time and space and basically become a god
>>710942873
Anyone will have sex with you but only if your mother gets to watch and negatively critiques your style and form compared to your father.
>>710946474
The biscuits are not edible and contain lead poisoning.
>>710946643
You can only kill yourself
>>710946102
you only can do it while naked
if you try to grow with your clothes you will die trapped in them
if yo shrink with them you'll die squashed
Also every not human being will try to rape your anus when you shrink or grow
The power to have every power
>>710939436
Yes and got moar of her??
>>710946102
you only can do it while naked
if you try to grow with your clothes you will die trapped in them
if yo shrink with them you'll die squashed
Also every not human being will try to rape your anus when you shrink or grow at their size
>>710946605
Every government tries to catch you and experiment on you to understand your ability, for the rest of your life.
>>710946643
the japs that made Deathnote continuously try to sue you
>>710946682
itty bitty living space
>>710946735
So does everyone else.
>>710946669
It's still a good power, honestly
>>710938843
the ability to recreate any material out of thin air, even diamonds
>>710946643
The person you kill is reborn, but stronger in everyway and remembers all their memories from before.
>>710942191
You have celiac disease.
>>710946605
If you do not reply to this post, your mother will die in her sleep
>>710946849
You're intangible.
>>710943006
Metal and electricty always bends in the shape of a swastika
I just want to be happy
>>710946835
Still a good power and doesn't have any downsides
>>710946849
The matter imbalance leads to the death of the universe
>>710946783
Just turn into the moon, and be like fuk u americaaaaa while u float away
>>710947022
But you never are.
>>710946849
the material must come out your ass first
>>710947022
You become retarded.
>>710946849
You can only create 1 gram of it a day
>>710943358
Every reality you warp has trump winning the election.
>>710946493
oranges
>>710947059
The moon is falling towards us, not floating away.
>>710946301
any art that you bring back to life can turn on you and try to kill you
I.E if you made zoom,cell,doom real they would try to kill you and take the power.
>>710946849
All materials you create subsequently vanish back into nothingness
>>710947105
1g of diamonds. Yes, terrible clause. Awful power to have.
the power of git gud
>>710946849
Granted, but it has to come out of your dick
