Feels Thread
What's on your mind tonight, Anon. Let it out.
I'm aimlessly waiting for winter to come. I miss the cold isolation of living in the quiet rural areas away from everyone.
Funny thing, this is the place I feel most accepted. 4chan. A place notorious for being full of shitty people.
Here people actually listen to what I have to say and often enough agree with me or at least willing to discuss. IRL people will just talk over me, ignore me, or try and make me feel like shit for having an idea or opinion even if I can back it up. People normally do everything they can to tear me down. I've also had more people try to cheer me up on /b/ than have ever tried it irl. 4chan has straight up saved my life sometimes by simply being full of bros willing to treat everyone equally including me. Sure it's damn sure not the equal the tublrinas like but here you're a fucking equal.
4chan is something special, even though we're all a bunch of complete assholes we're assholes together.
>>708478564
I'm a city person but I know what's that is like. It's pretty peaceful with a blanket of snow on everything
Can't stop thinking about my cheating Whore ex. She was my only true friend and she betrayed me, and now I'm truly alone. Kinda feels good, kinda makes me feel like gif related.
>>708478641
Very true. Anonymity can work both ways
>>708478346
I wanna have one or two daughters later.
But I don't even know if I will ever come to this point due to depression and borderline.
>pic related
>>708478683
I live in a distant area, surrounded by lakes and lakes for miles. Some nice sunny or clear evening winter days I would take walks and make my own path on the frozen lakes. It's really refreshing and pretty damn scenic.
Also, chopping and cutting logs and carrying them does work up a hell of a bulk
>>708478683
doesnt living in a city make you realize just how insignificant your life truly is? drowned out by the millions of lives all around you? the wolds a big place, your already a small cog within it, now realize you live in a place that compliments just how tiny you truly are, that depressing at least isnt it?
>>708478641
Yeah cause we are all just a bunch of faggot ass niggers circle jerking to whatever we god damn well please
>>708478393
fuck, relative :(
>>708478891
no sympathy for you pal.
>>708478950
This. I was pretty social priot to living up in the isolated north for years. But coming back, it just didn't feel right at all, decided to prefer being alone since.
Every fucking time a girl and I set up a tinder date, she just never messages me the day of and we don't go. What the fuck? It happened again this week, I've come to expect it. If you make plans, just stick to them or at least fucking let me know you don't want to anymore.
Only dates I've ever gone on through that fucking app were to meet up for a hookup with a chubster.
Are good feels allowed ? If yes, I can greentext something.
>>708478950
Not really through living in an urban area. I've already come to terms with how meaningless and insignificant everything is.
>>708479256
Sure aslong as there is some feels happening
>>708478891
im confused on what this is from? tv show? movie?
>>708479370
Movie. Interstellar.
Broke up with my gf of 5 years last weekend.
We were the super lovey-dovey kind for about 90% of the relationship, some of our friends said they didn't think relationships like that could exist outside of movies.
It's the second time we break up, about a year and a half ago I almost killed myself and was really sad, we got back together after talking a few times.
This time I'm a bit bummed out but mostly dissapointed in her. She doesn't really know what she wants and I feel like I really was a great boyfriend to her but wasn't what she needed.
I'm taking it better than her. I've been fairly successful talking to girls on dating apps and I'm just generally having fun flirting (nothing more). Will probably spend a few weeks alone, then try to get laid (hopefully) but mostly will keep working on my game and life projects.
Last time I left college for a few months and it took a lot of therapy to get myself back together.
I feel it's a bit sad that this time I'm just overall pretty meh about the whole thing... I wish we could go back to 4 years ago but the spark is gone, it's gone.
To other anons here, my biggest lesson related to relationships is: be at ease being alone, be comfortable with yourself. This will make you grow emotionally more than anything, in my opinion.
Pic related, she was very Chie-ish
>>708479201
Have you tried other alternatives to finding some qt 3.14, Anon?
>>708479201
Because 75% of girls are on tinder to get some male attention, and aren't interested in actually meeting the guy. If they want to find a boyfriend or an ONS, they go to parties. And so should you.
>Inb4 I can't because reasons
Work out, groom well, take up social hobbies (vidya and anime don't count), and force yourself to be social. Read some shit about human interaction and go out to bars, make small talk with people. It's not easy, you're gonna fuck up sometimes, but it'll pay.
>>708479437
>Interstellar.
Should i watch it? I'm intrigued now
![YAKiG6jtDdPrFq7VsOKioJBjHy7kJUnfd1gpMOJGQVQ[1].jpg](https://cdn.randomarchive.com/b/image/1476/859/1476859183753.jpg "YAKiG6jtDdPrFq7VsOKioJBjHy7kJUnfd1gpMOJGQVQ[1]")
>>708478346
>>708479667
It's good. Not as amazing as some people will claim it is, but worth watching
>>708479815
Fukkin saved
>>708478891
You suffer from depression so don't have kids.
>>708479667
>>708479840
It's my favourite movie.
But it's really specific.
I am one of those who says it was amazing.
>>708479667
My personal favorite movie. Imo it is a much watch.
>>708479984
Explain?
>>708479256
>be me, scrawny kid
>Not a lot of friends, mocked and mildly bullied throughout school because scrawny and awkward
>Middle school, learn that dad had been cheating on mom for two years just after the burial of my mom's grandmother
>HS, it doesn't get any better
>Shy as fuck, rejected by all the girls
>kind of a social outcast
>Have sex with my best friend at 17 yo
>She tells me she loves me, agrees to be my gf
>She fucks some other dude two days after
>Turn to drinking at 16
>She turns my friends against me
>My cousin helps me, stop drinking after 8 months
>Utterly alone and still bullied until the end of high school, but shrug it off
>Not alcoholic anymore, but still drink more than eveybody else at the few parties I went to
>First years of preparatory class (it's like college,but very hard, so you can enter an engineering school after)
>It gets better
>Actually have friends, work my ass off
>Meet 5/10 girl with 9/10 personality at party
Cont.
My friend passed away and the night before she blew up my phone trying to talk to me and I put it on silent. I've regretted it nonstop for 2 weeks now and it's one of the main things on my mind 24/7.
>>>708479984
>Explain?
Not him, but i'm a psychologist. Generally, depressive parents pass down shit to their kids and basically it's not fun for anyone.
Go to therapy now, before, and after you have children. Take the children to therapy.
>>708479484
Through the years I'm learning that basically the relationships that work out and end well are ones made in your mid/late 20s. Highschool sweethearts that actually work out are people cut from a different very rare cloth and as much as you might know somebody, you run the risk of them getting bored or wanting to experience life more.
I will try my hardest to teach my child not to get hung up on someone and have them live life as much as they can as a teenager. I wasted so much of my time thinking everything sucks, I can't handle being alone forever. Being able to be independent is one of the best feelings in the world. My coping ability compared to when I was younger is a lot better(not good in general but a lot better) and at 21 years old(22 in november) I'm proud of myself for learning the lessons I have learned.
>>708480282
Shit Anon. I hope you can overcome it
>>708480409
god damn it, meant to respond to >>708480169
>>708479815
new wallpaper, thats great stuff man
>>708480446
I already go to therapy. I know that I wanna change myself for being a better person to myself and those around me.
>>708480565
That's a neat picture
>>708480252
[Cont'd]
>Start dating her
>Everything goes well
>We lose our virginity to each other on my 19th birthday
>Life finally smiles at me
>Fast forward a year
>She became clingy and goes apeshit frequently
>Call it quit and break up with her
>School gets ten times harder
>Can't go out, gotta work and my friends gave up on the school year
>Meet hipster qt
>She becomes obssessed with me but she's actually cool
>Get in a relationship with her
>Big fucking error
>Starts being clingy but also flirts with other guys and girls
>Kisses a girl at my birthday party when I wasn't around
>We only fucked twice, she did the starfish every time
>Absolutely wants to have kids and get married
>AT 20 YEARS OLD
>Tell her I don't want any of this shit
>"Then why are we together, Anon ?!"
>I break up with her
>Start drinking heavily again
>A week later
>Get a phone call
>"Anon, I'm pregnant."
>>708478346
I'm not even sure where to start, just so much shit on my mind that feels like broken glass in my brain. Plus I'm half drunk so it's just jumbling it all together more.
It seems like I just have no core "happiness". Everything seems very hard, and my life is just one long struggle to be happy in some way. I don't like myself, which backfires in social situations, and I really have very little hope or aspiration for the future.
I feel like I've gotten dumber over the years, less funny, less social, less creative. It's a terrible feeling. I feel like I've been broken.
>>708480961
Wow, this really sums up what I feel.
I was this anon, >>708480888
>>708478346
I feel like I will never finish school and reach my goal of getting a good career. The time it takes feels like forever and I feel like I'm moving forward but at a pace so slow while everyone else flys past me.
playing Stellaris and working out are the only two productive things im doing with my life because im too pessimist, resented, sad, afraid and lazy about the real world.
>>708480888
Are you me, Anon?
I'm in a loving wonderful relationship with my fiance, but I'm also falling for my best friend. These urges make me realize I'm a pretty shitty person because I love the fiance no less because of these new feelings, but I know it'd hurt her knowing I care so much about someone else
>>708479667
Gr8 film m8. Please watch.
After some tough times, I feel good about where I am. I preserved, I advanced at work, I have a beautiful and caring GF and family around me. There's no negativity any more. Feels gud man
>>708480817
[Cont'd]
>"It's yours, anon"
>justfuckmyshitupfam.jpg
>Two years later, another phone call
>"Hey, anon, it's <friend>, I'm sorry but I'm in a relationshil with your ex gf now, I hope that doesn't hurt you"
>I had too much of this shit, guess it's time for another half-bottle of vodka
>My life is a mess and I feel like a moron
>Ex tells me she's gonna keep the baby and to help her choose the name
>Tell her that I don't give a shit
>Feel something in my pocket
>It's a condom
>Remember I had a condom on every time I fucked her
>justincuckeau.leaf
>>708478393
Jesus Christ. Their fucking mother die and all these selfish fucks can think of is MUH STOMACH. MUH POOR STARVING SELF.
I feel like I'm not going to do much for society, I'm new to 4chan and this is my first time doing a feels call me gay or whatever but I wanna help change the world
>>708481324
*two days later, sorry.
My life has been falling apart for awhile now. I'm on stuff to help me cope but when I'm not emotionally falling apart, I don't feel anything. I don't feel like I'm living.
soon
I'll be out of here soon
after so much waiting all I need to do is pass one test and then I'm out of her house, I never have to see her again. I can cut her off, stay in contact with and make new friends. I can do so many amazing things. all I have to do is pass. I will escape this prison. I'll be on top of this bitch for once in my life. I'm not gonna fuck up now. It's so close. A new start a new everything.
I just need to study.
Missing all the memories me and my friends made over 2 summers we were friends but it feels we've been friends for longer and i dont wanna move bcuz i dont wanna leave old memories behind and now im faced with making new friends and new memories and it doesnt feel right i feel lonely and isolated i might be slowly slipping back into depression and if that happens fuck it ive been through it once i get through it again the hard part is the transition afterwards of being empty and gaing my emotions back its hard and i just feel lost
>>708481383
It's okay Anon. We won't judge you here
I've been thinking about this girl. She just broke up with her bf, she wants kids he don't I guess. Anyway, not to sound edgy as fuck but I kinda wanna fuck her because I don't expect to live past 30, I'm 25 now. She's a few years older than I am for what thats worth/
I'll make my own decisions on this one, I just thought I'd share.
I'm surrending myself to the sweet sweet embrace of the NyQuil
Hnnnngggggg
>>708481383
That's a noble cause newfag, that's a hard task though, and not easily accomplishable
May you succeed
I like to think I've been making myself better. I finally made it so I was a depressed edgy fuck three years ago. After that I tried to work on my anxiety but, it's something I can't kill. Every day is nervous out of nowhere at times, and the world around me seems heavy. I get questions like, why do I get up, why am I living? does everyone else feel this way?
I guess, I'm at this point where no matter what I do I can't keep the anxiety from bitting at me, and I'm wondering if it's something I just have to live with, and it's just part of being human to be nagged at constantly by some fear that never goes away.
Also, I feel lonely as fuck, and it gets at me every night. I feel like I could find someone, but I'm afraid that I'd be wanting someone who could fix me, and I know that's the makings if a fucked up relationship from past experiences, but at the same time I feel like I need a relationship to help deal with the depression. On that same note, I feel like if I had someone to care about maybe I'd have some motivation behind why I do what I do every day, but it all folds back to how I feel like looking for someone else to make me feel better is the kind of thing that makes dysfunctional relationship. That and IDK how to find someone who you can actually fall in love with.
>be me
>dating a girl I've known for years since this summer
>shit was okay when she still lived here, but she's back at school now
>be stuck in shitty, small town where I graduated until I can get back into school
>not sure if I wanted to date gf in first place
>she told me she wouldn't be able to continue to talk to me if I dated someone else, would be too hard for her
>decide I'd rather date her than lose her
>fast forward a few weeks, be visiting her in dorms
>she tells me she loves me at one point
>eventually start telling her the same
>not sure if I really do or not
>didn't wanna lose her, so I figure I do
>fast forward to now
>we really only ever get to message/call on facebook
>tfw she doesn't game or like the same movies as me, can't do anything else together
>tfw she's only pro-sex if it's in marriage, no sexy skype either
>wind up browsing 4chan while calling her, she gets pissed
>tfw nothing to ever talk about because 2 things happen each day in this shithole
I met a friend whom we used to talk for hours on end. We bonded over quite a bit as she wasn't much a people person, as was I.
Eventually we hung out and I'd met her mom, she's pretty cool too. Spent the day getting stoned and watching tv munching on pizza.
Would usually talk when she got off work, loved telling her to have a good day at work and she would. We'd have our time when we wouldn't talk much as I could give her own time to do her things.
Could continue if any interest.
>>708481609
Thanks anon, I just feel like I want to do something great in this world, but I'm afraid of the failure. I'm also scared of what people think that I don't dress good enough or I don't look good enough to their image or what they want as a person
>>708481840
You've caught my interest Anon
>>708481324
[Cont'd]
>I tell her I don't give a shit about her upcoming spawn, she can fuck off for all I care
>Make her life a living hell
>Send her pictures of aborted fetuses and child gore, because she loves children
>Fuck her boyfriend's life up too, he gets gradually isolated and breaks up with her
>A week after that, she tells me she's gonna abort the little shit, that I'm an asshole and that I should be at her side to support her through this difficult time
>I calmly explain to her why she's a slut, a wreck, why she's a worthless waste of oxygen
>Then proceed to tell her my top 20 reasons why she should kill herself (you won't believe reason number 8 !)
>Tell her that since her birthday is in two week, I'll even buy her the chair and the rope
>Finally she fucks off to bumfuck nowhere and I'm done with this shit
>>708481840
Keep going anon
>>708481888
Everyone is afraid of failure, others just supress at different degrees. Focus on yourself and your goals. Don't try to get distracted by others.
>>708481142
Close enough I suppose. We may never meet, but just know that you're still not alone. God speed man.
>>708478346
anyone got a high res image of this?
>>708482257
Thanks anon I just sorta feel alone sometimes.
I had a 3 yr relationship with a girl that changed my life, right now it's been.a while since we broke up, and i can't get the idea of talk to her again out of my mind. Not to try something again, just to see how's she doing, and the fucking weather ain't helping, all rainy and sad. Should i talk to her?
>>708481383
Usually when people say they want to change the world, they mean that they want to save the world.
One you realize that you are as much a part of human history as ever other human, you will see the scale at which you can "change" the world.
>>708479840
>>708480019
>>708480031
>>708481299
Thanks fellas, I think I'll try and hunt down somewhere I can watch it for free online tomorrow after work, I've been craving a good movie to sit down and watch.
>>708482055
Good on you Anon you certainly had no trouble getting rid of that whore.
>Be me
>Highschool sucked, lost all my friends, but by the end had a really awesome GF
>Dated for a year, about half long distance because I was going to college in another province
>Retain my anxiety/depression from highschool, fucks me up a lot
>Regularly come home to visit family and GF
>Depression gets worse, GF's anxiety starts coming back
>Make it to the new year, new semester, GF starts school back home, everything is looking up
>One day my Course Admin pulls me out of class
>Says I haven't been keeping up my grades enough (depression/anxiety/other shit)
>I get kicked out of school
>Completely shattered, I call GF and talk about it
>She talks to me and helps calm me down
>A day later she breaks up with me
>Move back home for a month, still have an apartment in new province, but figuring out what to do
>GF wants to try to stay friends, I begrudgingly agree to try
>Decide quickly I want to live and work in new province, going to fly back at the end of the month
>Three days later, my now Ex is already dating again
>I get upset, she blames me and tells me I have no right
>Two more weeks pass, she hooks up with some dude on tinder, end up dating long term (to this day)
>I feel completely shattered, worthless and like a piece of trash cast aside
>She still doesn't understand why I'm upset
>Delete her number, move back to apartment.
>Been in an existential depression ever since
if i'm reincarnated will i hear about my old self
>>708482528
You won't regret it
>>708478346
I moved to a little town by a lake, after living in a big, unfamiliar city had taken a toll. I met a woman who worked in the library there and immediately knew something had changed. Her hair was sunlight, passing through tree branches on a clear summer afternoon. Her eyes were a deep and shimmery blue, the colour of the Christmas tree ornaments my grandmother had given me years before. Her heart was warm and gentle, as was her voice, her demeanor and her actions. I believed that she was perfect; that was just infatuation of course, but I believed it none the less. I immediately took a liking to her and she took a liking to me, as well.
We had lunch together the following day, on the edge of the lake, across the street from the little library. We met for dinner the following night and again for lunch the day after. We grew close quickly, despite our differences. She was close to her family, she'd never really struggled much and above all else, she was happy. My family were all gone, the past decade had been an uphill battle in nearly every regard and my happiness had slipped away. I began to discover it again with her.
We became a couple three weeks after I met; we became inseparable shortly thereafter. I would work on my writing in the morning, meet her for lunch, then write further in the afternoon, every day. We cared for each other, we were each other's greatest strength and weakness. Eventually, I began to regain my former self and my life was mine again. I was happy for the first time in a long time and I owed a lot of that to her.
>>708479815
i got it for my phone after getting the idea from op
>>708481840
So before all that, I've met her by messaging her as I'd been up north miles away. That's how we started talking. Hours became days; days became weeks.
One day I decided to surprise her, I'd told her that I'd be taking a long drive and that I'd be away for a bit. When she asked me where I was going, I told her I was taking the long ice road to come home. Was she ever excited. Come the day I left, she told me to check in on her whenever I can. Was pretty nice though.
>>708482295
Thank you Anon. My only friend is 4chan and I know some of you faggots care.
>>708482528
Wasn't it on netflix?
>>708481329
that was the joke you dimwit
>>708481483
dude fuck overbearing mothers, worst shit ever in highschool
>>708478346
I'm tired, /b/. Mentally tired, causing physical fatigue. I've been depressed since I was about 14. I am 21, now.
Depression runs in my family. I've spent my life acting happy go lucky. Because I don't want people to think I'm sad. I used to speak to my cousin a lot. My family found out she was self harming, and she nearly took her own life at one point. Around the same point, I began self harming, not because of her, it was just something that happened.
She had told me that things get better when you're no longer in school. Things are better when you have a job. Things are better when you have freedom.
Things did feel better once I left highschool, at least for a little bit. But then I realized college was the same grind with more freedom. My depression returned. I failed out because I lost the will to go to school, do work, or do basically but sleep and eat.
I got a job at a call center (where I still am) and I felt great for a couple months. Total freedom, can fuck around doing whatever when I'm not at work. Awesome! but then I realized that no. This is the same shit. Life today feels designed to stagnate. I feel like nothing changes, no matter how much changes. I waste money on weed and booze. I wake up every morning, autopilot my way to work, question why I'm alive, go home, and then stay up until 4am. Doing nothing.
Not because there's not things I couldn't be doing, but because there is nothing I want to do. These threads help. It's nice to vomit words, sometimes.
>>708482488
I just see how the education system is failing, and all the war in other countries. There's so much death and greed on this world that I just want to bring people together and just fucking love on another. I just want people to realize we are put on this earth to live and live life, not fearing of death or someshit
>>708482654
That was a sweet story. Thanks anon, you made me feel warm inside.
I hope you guys are still doing good
>>708482654
We were married on our three year anniversary, by the lake. We honeymooned in Maui and took trips to the interior of the province regularly. I never saw myself living that life, but I was happy with her. My books were selling well, I was writing blogs and columns on a regular basis as well; life was good.
We spent a few years like that, just being together, being happy. We were never rich, but we got by, with enough left over for a small vacation every now and then, or a big one once a year.
Every year, we renewed our vows. Not that it mattered much to do so, but it was a little ceremonial thing that she loved. We planned a larger event one year, booked a ballroom at a hotel in a nearby city, we had it professionally decorated and catered, invited as many people as we could fit. She was glorious and beautiful.
>>708482654
Thank you for the heart warming story, Anon. Some of us will reach that point eventually.
>>708482055
>Get back with first gf after a few months
>Everything is fine, excepted that I can't stop drinking anymore
>In engineering school, shit's still hard
>Very strict parents not giving a shit about anything other than results
>Still living with them
>Alcohol fucks up my relationship with my girlfriend
>Get late and tipsy to dates, including our two-year anniversary where I arrive an hour late and completely piss drunk
>She's (understandably) mad
>I fix things up, but it's not the same, relationship gets boring
>No summer vacation, because internship
>Parents in vacation, I live alone for a month
>I'm utterly alone, at work and at home
>Go to the same bar every evening
>It's always crowded but I am always lonely
>Always get home absolutely piss drunk every night
>When she comes back, gf sees that I'm an alcohol-infused wreck, that I'm oblivious to my problems and to reality itself, closed in my ethylic fortress
>I break up with her because I can longer do anything without shitting the bed
>Get into a huge fight with my parents
>And I'm at a point where either I fix my shit up and rise, or go down even further and drown into a cold, dark abyss.
>>708482869
been broke. I've been out of work for a month and a half now with a heart problem. Lol a 21 year old with afib who doesnt drink, smoke, do drugs etc. and regularly plays sports. Shitty eh? Regardless, I'm broke til next week cause im slowly working again but its been nothing but ramen and sitting in my room lately
>>708478346
requesting a 3 or 4 panel comic, looks like pic related... there was also a 4chan version of it, with the girl having green clover-hair...
Awhile ago and lot of my friends left me. They used me as a punching bag and for a joke, so I finally stood up to them, but they bailed. I know I should feel better, but I'm just stuck between missing them and wanting revenge. I feel so lonely /b/.
>>708478346
>>708478346
My 25 birthday was shit because my mom and gf both had breakdowns and my mom just got diagnosed with cancer.
>>708483158
Futurama is my favorite fucking show. Made me tear up on at least three occasions.
>>708483323
doesn't sound like friends...
>>708483261
I know what you're talking about but I don't seem to have it. Maybe someone else here has it
>>708483179
Bummer dude.
Welp, I hope that money finds it way to you, and I hope you can find a way to watch Interstellar, because it's a damn good watch.
>>708482654
>>708483151
>>708483158
>>708483014
Those are the first two parts. There's more. I'm just typing slow, I've been drinking a bit tonight.
My roommate (My love) invited a random dude who is a recovering meth addict and known thief into our shared house and they are now together.
>>708483459
Gahhhhhhhhhhhh
>>708483520
thanks anon.
>>708482933
you should go to yellowstone before it erupts and destroys all of humanity. i have the same situation as you except im 19 and im gonna head to yellowstone for 1 last hoora before the big kaboom.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Q29SbuuvGEM
>>708483541
Fucking hell, it's gonna get sad as shit isn't it
>>708483541
Carry on Anon. No rush.
>Be me
>Not a total sperg in high school, have a decent amount of friends, somewhat outgoing, somewhat social person.
>Graduated this past June
>Make summer friends, lose virginity, start kinda working out
>Start feeling better
>Got to college beginning of Aug (for college band)
>College is 3 hours away
>Mentally falling apart because of stress from band, relationship shit, and classes.
>Contracted hands, mouth, and foot disease this past week.
>Everything is shit
>Motivation is gone for the most part
>Music was my passion but I don't enjoy this anymore
>I don't enjoy marching anymore
>I don't enjoy playing anymore
>I don't even enjoy being on campus anymore
What do /b/? I feel like I'm trapped in a cycle of nothingness. My life is becoming monotonous, predictable, and routine. I haven't felt like shit this much since my sophomore year in HS.
>>708478346
>>708478346
My 25 birthday was shit because my mom and gf both had breakdowns and my mom just got diagnosed with cancer.
>>708483413
You're probably right, but they were the best I had.
>>708483587
https://youtu.be/vrmFA5aHg7Y
>>708482685
Although she wasnt much a people person and never really had much physical contact let alone with people, she was practically my best friend though we haven't seen each other as much, her working and all and myself sleeping during days.
We hung out once more but once I got off the bus she ran up to me and caught me off guard and jumped into my arms. We shared our birthday together early and did the same as we did last time, smoked up, talked and sat around in the back yard. Was a great day back then.
But not even a day after that day, just as we met, hours became days, days became weeks. She hasn't gotten back to my messages in a month or so. And do kind of miss her. Even though there doesn't seem to be a reason why she just stopped everything, Im okay with that.
I just miss my best friend is all.
>>708483834
Happy belated birthday Anon :)
>>708483813
If you're into marching, maybe taking a summer to do DCI could reignite your passion.
>>708483460
Thanks pal,hard times just mean good ones are coming
>>708478346
>GF of 4 years left me on her birthday.
It's manages to sneak into my mind everyday at some point.
>Education
In college, don't know why. All i wanna do is travel and play music.
>Family
Moved 4000km away so I could be with said GF
Fuck I miss them...
Im almost 22 and I just wanna die.
>>708483626
I've already determined I'm going to live until at least 30. If I haven't managed to figure shit out by then, I'll end it.
I don't want to kill myself, I really don't. I just don't want to wake up, either.
If I really just haven't figured anything out, I'll go to Yellowstone before I die. For you, Anon.
>>708483358
Happy birthday anon...your mom can beat it.
Just feel numb. Like I don't even really exist as a person, just a tool or object for other people. Been thinking about why, family treated me like an example of their quality as people, pressured me to be synthetic; no personality since I couldn't be good enough I was just nothing. Remember them both saying through my life I was meant to be seen and not heard, then they got mad at me never talking, so I stopped being seen too. I never really let myself do either, I don't go out and I can't remember the last time I talked or made a loud noise. I don't even know how to express myself, I never figured out who I am, 20 now and I still don't know beyond something not good enough to be a person. I've never been smart, barely made it through school and now I'm failing college, never expected to live to 20 in all honesty. Figured something would have killed me by now, some accident or someone's emotional outburst. Maybe thats part of it, I've only seen emotion cause trouble, I think I've distanced myself from the concept just to become some heartless machine. I thought today that I don't think I'd qualify as human anymore. I'm not a social creature, few very muted emotions, no self expression, no sex drive, no friends, family I try to not exist let live simultaneously for just because its what I've always done. Not good at anything, fail whenever I try to learn something, just waiting till I die. I can't even feel anything towards it, I've just been reflective about it as one of few things I can remember when trying to justify calling myself a person. Don't remember childhood, don't have memories so much as broad strokes. Just a blank slate that makes me. I suppose now its been made slightly reflective, but that isn't much. Maybe I could try to fix it, I know I'd fail, I know I'd just cause more trouble for everyone, but then I'd at least have made some impact and have something to say is me. Don't even know where to start though,
>>708483151
>>708483651
That's a distinct possibility.
>>708483672
Thanks, man.
We spent the next four days in the city, trying out new places to eat, seeing the sights, being tourists. Neither of us spent much time there, it was nice to break away from our normal scenery and see something new. She was full of wonder, at something so banal; she loved the buildings and the view of the city lights from our hotel room at night. I'd lived in a big city before but she'd only ever visited.
We drove home in a happy silence, with her hand in mine. We playfully argued over the stereo and decided what to have for supper that night. It was nice, heading back to our regularly scheduled programming; I had grown fond of the familiarity. I was in such peace that I became complacent and didn't see the other car approaching a four way stop, near the small lake side town.
It was early evening, but the driver was extremely drunk. He slammed into my car, right at the front driver's side wheel well. He pushed us off the road and careened into a tree. Somehow, we both escaped with minor cuts and bruises; he died on the scene.
She was so shaken and seemingly nothing I could do helped her. She spoke with the police and paramedics; she calmed eventually at their behest, but after that day, she was never the same.
>>708484013
I'm planning on marching DCA next summer, then either DCI open class that following year, or trying to sign with Spirit of Atlanta.
It's moreso just my drive for music as a whole. My major is music ed, but my motivation to do anything relating to it is almost gone.
>>708483178
[Cont'd]
>One day, I read the /fit/ sticky and see that getting into shape is possible
>I start by changing my diet completely
>Then get a gym membership
>Quit drinking cold turkey, work out thrice a week, still go to the bar but I replaced beer with Coke since I still need to drink something at the bar
>Slowly but surely making some gains
>Take more care of my appearance
>Focus on playing the guitar
>Force myself to go out, meet new people and party
>Talk to girls more, feel better and better
>Always try to see things in a positive light
>People actually want to be around me for the first time in my life
>Have a few dates from time to time, nothing comes of it but it's still a good experience
>Meet best friend from HS
>Convince him to work out with me
>I have a gym bro now
>Be me, 21 yo, two weeks ago
>talk with 7/10, 19 yo qt with curly hair at party
>She's pretty cool
>I mention working out at a good, small gym
>"Actually, I'd like to get fit, Anon"
>"Well then would you like to go to the gym with me next week to try it out ?"
>"Sure Anon !"
>I give her my number
>See her next week, and talk with her on the way to the gym
>She's a highly-skilled, classically trained pianist
>Loves playing vidya from all kinds of eras
>Loves watching movies, cult stuff and pretentious artsy shit equally
>Is into anime but not normie stuff
>Is actually sweet, not pretentious and joyful
>Fast forward to yesterday
>Ask her if she'd like to go out with me to eat something or go to a vidya bar sometimes
>"Sure Anon, let's do all of that friday after the gym !"
Sorry for my shitty greentext guys.
I don't know how Friday's date will turn out, but at least it feels good to have improved significantly. And everyone of you can. We're all gonna make it, /b/ros.
>>708483813
Is the pic worth the read? ?/10???
>>708480157
This one irks me. Obviously a handmade figure, crafted with care on a birthday anyone else would get maybe a bottle of Jack and a fuck off. He whines about how he's awkward, NIGGER everyone is awkward when a whole restaurant is singing to you.
>>708478346
I don't feel anything. Ive been depressed for years. I eat when I'm bored and 'sad', I eat for the sake of eating. I dropped out of high school, need a job, don't find joy from anything.
Almost made an attempt to take my life a few months ago but I guess I am a bit more stable on that front. Suicidal Ideation is a bitch though.
Alone, and not in the good way, but too tired to change that or fix anything. I'm just existing.
That's what is on my mind.
I think one of my best (also, one of my only remaining) friends hates me now. He has a fairly type A personality, and I think maybe I do too, because we've always kinda butted heads. I mean, usually it was just in TF2 and we'd shit on each other in-game and tease each other about it, but it was okay until kinda recently. See, he dated my sister (I'm chill about most shit, and it's better than having her date some other faggot from around here), and she's kind of a shitter. Narcissist, only does shit if it makes her feel better than other folks. One time, friendo and I were hanging out after he got back from basic training, and we started horsing around. this turned into a full-on wrestling match, and he lost kinda badly. Sis was watching, and apparently she was full-on ridiculing him about how he's less of a man because I beat him. This apparently fucked him up pretty bad, because we had another little spat like that last year. He lost, and we had feels-ridden brotalk, when he mentioned the shit she said. We decided it might be okay to have kind of a rivalry-type friendship, where we'd just kinda compete with each other in shit. This was okay, until we started playing League (big fucking mistake, that game is horrible). He's pretty good at it, and so he'd get to tease me about shit WAY more than the other way around. He also really spergs out at it, to the point that his current gf catches some real flak if she fucks up. Anyway, long story short, our insults got worse and worse, and we had a HUGE falling out where we were both just nigh-mercilessly attacking each other for our failures in life and yucking up how much more successful we were compared to each other (I didn't point out how he always loses to me in fights or whatever, because he explicitly said that he feels terrible about losing to me. Don't wanna violate bro code.) Anyway, I apologized a week later, and he hasn't really talked to me since.
>>708484681
I feel the eating thing. I'll eat a ton of shit, but then turn around and eat little to nothing. So once I've gone back to eating shit it all stays.
The only thing I can say I've got out of my depression is a rather objective view on things, and dreadlocks. And an appreciation for drugs.
>>708484001
Thanks Anon
,
>>708484399
She suffered from survivor's guilt, which gave way to a crippling depression. She woke in the middle of the night, wracked with tears that wouldn't stop and as much as I could do, it was never enough. She sought therapy and that helped a bit but in the end, it wasn't enough. She continued to descend further and further, almost daily.
We lived on the outskirts of town, a little house on a semi-rural road not a two minute drive from the lake side community. I came home from grocery shopping on a Saturday afternoon to find her hanging from the ceiling in our small garage. She'd finally given in.
The funeral was well attended; she'd grown up in that little town and everyone knew her. She was buried beside her grandmother and grandfather, which is what she would have wanted. She loved her family so much. I moved away shortly after that; I kept in touch with her parents until recently, actually. It became too hard on all of us to keep doing so.
>>708484465
8/10
>>708478564
That's beautiful
I just moved to a small town(city?), thinking that's what I wanted, and the lack of stimulation is bothering me
Strange thing is, I think I need to retreat further from civilization. I almost feel less anonymous because of the small town feel here...
>>708484130
Nice! 30 is a good respectable year. im turning 20 on the 7th of next month and im proud of getting through roughly 1/5 of my life span. ive toyed with the idea of killing my self when i was in highschool, but now i am the proud owner of a veiled chameleon, and i gotta take care of the feller.
>>708478564
Do you have a partner?
>>708478393
thats a strong feel m8.
>>708484913
I know exactly that. It sounds stupid but I will sometimes go hours or even a day (or two when its bad) without eating... And then I'll eat a ton. I'm lucky, I guess, I have never had an experience with drugs yet.
Not trying to be edgy or anything but I'm suffering from an inevitable existential crisis. If you really think about it, everything you do, your aspirations, feelings, thoughts, relationships, etc. ultimately mean nothing. In no way does anything anyone does affect the universe we live in anyway. Sometimes I'd think we're here on earth for a reason or were the only inhabitable species for a certain reason but idk.
>>708485028
I'm so sorry man, I can't even come to comprehend how that must feel. Tears are being shed on the other side of the screen.
>>708485250
It is. Standing on a frozen lake, nothing but a plain white horizon and clear blue sky is beautiful.
>>708485276
Best friend abruptly stopped talking to me so no.
>>708484465
some intense stories and some funny ones 7/10
>>708478739
I hear you/ I'm in the same position. I don't like people much. Not a single friend. My ex and I had something special. All gone. She came over my house while I was at work last night and took her blankets and the rest of her stuff. I slept with a bed sheet in my cold apartment, all alone.
If it weren't for Prozac, I would've blown my brains out by now...
>>708485259
I've wanted a snake for a while now. Used to own a Bearded Dragon whom I named Sapheara (yes, from Earagon, yes spelled wrong).
>>708485328
I've had limited (but growing) experience. Trying to avoid anything highly addictive.
I drink frequently, smoke pot/eat dab constantly. I've done DXM (and plan a 900mg trip Friday), tried LSA (didn't go as plan, but was interesting), tried Soboxone (never fucking again), have plans for shrooms, and have been trying for the fucking life of me to get LSD.
>>708479057
Why not?(not op)
>>708481258
Why not have both?
>>708485028
I live in a big city now. My condo has a nice view of the buildings surrounding mine and at night, the world lights up and I remember her awe at such a simple thing. I realized at some point though, that it isn't a simple thing. It isn't just the lights, but that each one represents an entire human life (or lives plural, in many cases). Life we will never know, secrets and dreams and pain, all their own. I think that's what she marveled at, she was very thoughtful like that.
I like sitting by the big floor to ceiling windows in my living room later on at night. I'll put on some Gregory Alan Isakov or Warren Zevon and I'll just sit and remember. I know I should let go of what's happened but at this point in my life, I don't have the desire, nor the strength.
There's a woman down the hall who I share my bed with sometimes. She's young and pale from being confined inside by her husband. She has bruises where no one can see and out-drinks me regularly. She's lonely in a way that I don't understand and I'm lonely in a way that she doesn't understand, but we both understand our on loneliness and we find solace with each other, however temporary. One day she'll vanish, or I'll vanish and that'll be it. She'll become another memory, like my wife, my parents, the life I've lived before today.
That's all. I'm sorry, I had to share something tonight and I guess this was it. I hope you're all doing well and if you're not, I hope you're well soon.
>>708485608
I'm hitting 21 in a few months and I am almost looking forward to alcohol. I'm also going to be hitting up a friend in Kentucky to go potsmoking for a week or so. That will be interesting.
>>708481633
Ahh.
I can relate. I'm 29. At 14 I started doing blow and said I won't live to see 21. At 21 I was doing heroin and said I won't live to see 27. Now I realize I can't bank on dying. It is a symptom of depression. Live as if it's your last day on earth; but be prepared to live until your 90.
>>708481636
Have you ever tried theraflu?
It's magical...
>>708485808
She needs help, and not in the consoling drinking way. Abuse is no way to live, its terrible.
>Be me, 21
>Have a Master degree in philosophy
>Have a 7/10 GF
>We love each other deeply
>She has a 3yo girl (she left her ex when 3 month-preg)
>Have a pretty decent scolarship (4700€ per year)
>Have few but good friends
>Have yet the feeling I caged myself too soon in the "family" thing.
>I'd like to travel the world, see new things,
>I have the feeling I haven't lived my young adult life but have already a foot in the next adulthood step
>But I cannot leave. I can't, whether it be for the sake of my friends, my family or, more importantly, my GF.
>Her job doesn't pay her enough so we have to do with little each month and I know she won't be able to manage her and her girl alone. She might even lose her to the child's dad who will most certainly claim her.
>Moreover, I feel like philosophy has destroyed things in me more than anything else.
>Morality is all subjective, people are selfish and full of pride, myself included, world is wrong and going insane, future isn't any brighter, no anchor of any type since everything and its contrary can be said with the same force.
>I feel like I might be depressed but I don't have the money to see a spychologist.
>I know that my life is basically good and that I shouldn't complain
>I still feel like I don't belong, that I rushed things and I regret it. I dream of something else knowing I won't ever be able to catch it without feeling even more terrible but I also can't complain because there are people that have it way harder than me.
tl;dr : my life is good but I'm a crying fag that feels like he caged himself into this and doesn't have the right to call for help
>>708485422
All I know is that sitting around wondering our purpose is a waste of our useless time. We should be out there enjoying our lives and experiencing different emotions and appreciate what it feels like to be human. Even if it is entirely meaningless, at least we can "make" meaning out of everything and as long as it has meaning to us we can enjoy this suffering. All the technological and sociological advancements we've overcome so far means absolute shit ultimately. Maybe a few years from now the x gen children will be thankful for all the privileges they're going to have because of us (which again won't matter)
>>708486302
Save up. Take her with you. See the world together. Tell her how you feel
>>708485423
A few years have passed, but it hasn't gotten any easier, least not yet. I don't understand it sometimes; how things can change so drastically and so quickly. Looking out my window now, late at night, I'm trying to remember if I ever thought to myself, "I wonder if I'll ever return to city life." It must have seemed so silly at the time.
>>708485993
Enjoy it. My advice is don't mix alcohol and a drink you like and then drink too much. I got absolutely shitfaced on Bacardi and Monster, I still can't smell/taste monster without feeling sick. I've taken to just doing shots of 151.
Also for sure trying getting drunk then high; and high then drunk. Maybe it's placebo, but both crossfades feel different to me.
I've also done whippits. Learned that I really enjoy dissociates. So I'm hardcore looking forward to this Friday. Gonna down 3 bottles of Wal-tussin and trip balls
>>708478346
i live in fear and i don't even know what i'm afraid of. the world and life just terrifies me. it holds me back a lot.
>>708482484
Yes
But don't have expectations
>>708483869
Its been a month or so but on nights like these I tend to think of messaging her and telling her that I miss her quite a bit. I didn't tell her but she's the reason I came back home to the city.
I can't imagine telling her or having her find out her self that I'll be heading back up to the far north come winter.
>>708481139
It's kind of sad but the only thing I'm looking forward to is the new stellaris dlc >. <
>>708486271
She's talked about seeking help and I've tried to gently nudge her toward it, as well. She's a good person, but she's become so angry and pent up as a result of her own life. Not just her life recently, but going back nearly two decades. It would take a lot of work, but she's capable, I'm sure.
>>708484091
Move back home
>>708479484
Thank you fellow anon, I needed this tonight.
>>708480252
>have sex with my best friend at 17yo
>turn to drinking at 16
>>708480817
>lose virginity to each other on my 19th birthday
am i missing something or any you just butchering this fake story?
>>708478482
Source; Dictionary of Obscure Sorrows
All I want out of life is a loving wife and a daughter.
We'd all live together in a little townhouse with a big backyard.
Each Saturday I'd get up early and make breakfast in my pajamas, just like Dad used to when he could still walk. My wife would come downstairs with our little girl in her arms just as I finish putting the last piece of bacon on the last plate, and we'd sit at our little windowside table and eat together.
In the winter I'd build a skating rink in our yard, in the summer maybe I'd build a deck or a treehouse or a swing.
We'd live in our little neighborhood and everything would be perfect.
I want a family so goddamn bad, but right now I'm 19, I live alone, and I have crippling depression with no end in sight.
I wish I could just fast forward to the good part. I feel so stuck...
>>708485471
I want to find a gf and then fall off of the face of the earth with her.
I was so desperate I almost knocked up this awful human being who I still love despite her insanity and drug addiction.
>>708485608
Lsd is on the dark web
And everywhere in California
>>708486387
I know how that feels. Your life can change in the blink of an eye but the effects can last for so long. You never see it coming.
>>708486389
I'll keep that in mind. I plan on getting shit-faced on my birthday and then attempt to drink responsibly, too many bad memories of my friend with rum and coke.
I'm more or less prepared to be higher than a kite and he does have booze.
>>708486302
I'm in sort of the same situation. It's senior year for me and I am going to be going off to college but I do not want to leave my girlfriend of 3 years. She is very dependent of me in a way, and she lives in a shit home and I want to take her out of it but I cannot. Its like she is holding me back but at the same time I feel the need to take her with me and I want to take her.
24 yo here , in 2 months is my 25th birthday , and my life is still shit , Never had a Girlfriend and no real friends....just from the school , but after that?...I´ve only kissed 4 girls in my life, only 1 kiss / 1day /1 week / 1 night . the last one was sex ...my first time at 24 yo and thats all
This years is better than the others , travels , beach , more partys , started with drugs and more alcohol...
But the problem is, i always have lied about my personal life...and now i feel empty inside...
Atm i am not working or studying, 7 months without working and cant even get out of bed early . i feel like a real useless shit in this life , wanting to kill myself every day. But cant do it , because i am the one who pay for everything in my house, living with my mother and cant leave her alone
sorry for the bad english guys
>>708486957
Just take her
Make it work
It is possible
>>708486688
My bad, what I meant by having sex was her giving me blowjobs and me eating ear out and fingering her for the whole afternoon.
>Started drinking at 16
Yes, I started drinking alone at 16 and went to school shitfaced twice a week because I would drink before taking the bus.
>>708486569
I hope so, suffering from abuse is horrible. Ive seen its effects and been apart of them as well. I just pray it ends up alright.
>>708478587
Nice normie feels post
>>708487061
How do you pay for shit if you don't work?
>>708486921
You really never do see it coming, no. A good friend of mine says that she never "felt like an adult" until she was forced to endure hardship and quick change; that was a cross-over point for her. I have examples of that in my own life, but to hear someone else talk about it like that is actually quite jarring.
>>708479019
Can confrim
>>708478346
tfw she says she feels the same way but she's too scared of a serious relationship so you dont talk or see each other
>>708486844
Just keep searching brother, you can do it. Don't be trading vices to equal things out, it may or may not work in your favour but you can do better and you will.
stood up to my mom for the first time today. i know it sounds totally pathetic, but it was a big deal for me. im feeling a different type of feel tonight fellas, a confident one.
>>708487136
i destroyed my back working in the 2015 working , and gor fired in march of this year , got a lot of money saved...
>>708487169
Pretty much what me and my best friend did. Besides, I knew she wasn't the one to do the whole relationship but we were still pretty close until she disappeared anyway
>>708486911
Sadly I find myself in Tennessee, and not in one of the larger cities.. Dark web is something I'll have to look into, but really don't have the balls to order drugs online.
I work in a call center where drugs are prevalent. But because of that, these people are about as reliable as you'd expect. Found a guy who had LSD $10 a hit. Talked to him, arranged everything, the fucker quit the next day. Never saw him again.
>>708486921
I drink responsibly so long as you mean I don't drink and drive.. Otherwise I'm for sure going to have liver issues when I get older.
I totally got shitfaced on my 21st birthday, with two friends. I don't recall much of that night. There was weed involved, but no where near as much as the alcohol. Would do it again.
But, it's now 4AM for me, and I need to wake up at 1 to get to work. Thank you for the conversation, Anon. Enjoy your time.
>>708487200
Thanks
I needed that
She broke into my house when I was at work last night and took my blankets (that she had given me). It was the cruelest thing ever. I would've rathered her vandalize my place, but instead, I had to sleep wrapped in a single sheet, alone, feeling sorry for myself.
>>708485028
That fucking story
you've lived a sad life, not like pathetic, but just sad.. Im sorry for everything that happened. Cheers man
>>708487083
I've seen the effects before, but I've never been a part of them. I really do hope that she finds the strength to seek the help she needs. I do believe she's a good woman; when I'm with her, she displays this immense warmth that I wouldn't have guessed was there. I really do want to see her heal.
I'm sorry you've endured it too. There's so much abuse, people are so horrible to one another and often, for no reason. No one deserves that sort of treatment from the people they care about.
>>708487063
Hopefully, I am willing to get a side job in college just to live off campus to live with her, its both of our first relationships too.
I am 18 and a senior in highschool. I want to join to the military and turn my life around but i am 460 lbs and eating is the only thing that makes me happy. Its scary knowing that my weight can dictate my quality of life.
>>708487328
You too Anon. Rest easy and have a good life.
>>708481122
Something you have to realise is that it may seem like everyone is flying past you, and a few may be, but the vast majority of people are just stumbling from one point to another and if you aren't even moving it seems like they are flying.
>>708487228
What do you mean by stood up to her?
>>708487348
Thanks, man; that does mean a lot.
I've lived a hard life, but there have been many, many instances of happiness, as well. I think a lot of people tend to forget those things, since the negative moments carry a bigger impact than the positive. The memories of those good times and good people, those can save your life, when you need them to.
>>708487395
Marry her
Work
She should work too
Have a baby
Life is beautiful
Hold on to her
It's a fucking meat thresher out there
>>708487142
Ive had those 'Adult' experiences. It's like a crossover point. If I were writing a book about werewolves and ghosts it would be like crossing the veil. Its the worst.
>>708487350
I'm safe and it was nowhere as near as what she is going through. I just pray something is done. Its bringing a tear to my eye when I see this.
I know you're doing what you can and that makes me happy, I hope you're doing what you can for yourself too.
>>708482439
Alot of people do, nothing inherently wrong with that.
For better or worse you're not truly alone here, but don't let us be your only company, that way lies only more loneliness. A small sense of brotherhood to be sure, but nothing like connecting with real people.
Recent shit.
>Gears 4 is out
>bro is asking if i'm getting it cos we haven't coopd in ages
>"haha nah man i'll stick with pc"
>"just rent a xbox then trade the game in. one month man"
>"nah you enjoy i'll do some work or something"
>Cant tell him that gears does nothing but make me think of an ex
>literally 1/2 girls I've genuinely loved and shit
>had gnarly cog tattoo on her back and everything
>planned to go comicon as some gears with some mates
>never happened, she went back to her ex because he needed her more than me
he's been telling me all about the game this month and i'm too nice to tell him that whenever he talks about it all I can see is her battered and bruised from her then boyfriend kicking her ass when she tried to leave....
>>708481749
>and it's just part of being human to be nagged at constantly by some fear that never goes away.
Pretty much this, it's why we advance the way we do, we are never really satisfied.
I understand what you mean, like a vicious cycle. If you can break that feeling you'll be just fine, use things in your life as a stepping stone. If you find a relationship that does just that and doesn't work out it's still a learning experience and a step forward.
>>708487072
eat her ear out
captcha: hump 20 yds
>>708482560
Godamn, why is Mr. Rogers so based?
>>708487061
I've said this here before and will once again..
To cross anyone's bridge you must cross your own, one that you've built and fortified on your ownself.
Meaning to be able to meet someone, it is so much easier if you work yourself up from feeling the way you do. Because if you're not happy yourself, how do you think you'll be happy with anyone else?
>>708487619
Both of us will work part time just to live with each other, and I plan on holding on for as long as humanly possible and I'm not gonna let go and let something special go, ever.
>>708482609
>I feel completely shattered, worthless and like a piece of trash cast aside
No anon, that's how she should feel, because she is a worthless piece of trash, just think of it like you're cutting your losses now.
Better to forget and move on because honestly, how you pictured things going with her can never happen because she's obviously a slut.
One day you'll be able to look back at her and laugh, trust me.
>>708482627
It's possible
>>708487629
I'm not doing everything I can for myself, not right now. My worst days NOW though, they're nowhere near as bad as they have been in the past. Things are slowly improving and that's great, but that's how I need them to improve; slowly. I've been slowly building myself back up, working on different areas of my life, one at a time. That's worked quite well, honestly.
The writing, I understand that analogy pretty well, that's a good way to put it. The changes we face can be pretty daunting sometimes, for sure. A friend of mine told me, "You know shits broken when you could be a character in a Tom Waits song." I feel like that's pretty accurate. Also kind of cute.
>>708483558
Meh, wasn't meant to be, time to move out and let them wreck each others lives
>>708487416
That's a lot of weight
what do your doctors say?
>be me, 16
>best grades out of ~750 people, respectable number of friends, played tons of music, etc
>a bit awkward, but really have had a damn good life
>wake up one day and feel a bit... off
>never felt this way before
>no big deal, maybe I slept badly
>wake up next day, same thing
>notice energy is beginning to dwindle
>can't think nearly as clearly as I used to
>struggle to form sentences and find the right words
>general unpleasant hazy feeling
>tell nobody and hope it goes away on its own
>start to realize I don't enjoy music anymore, a huge part of my life
>grades start to drop
>can barely get out of bed now
>literally feels like I have the flu permanently and my brain is the cause
Shitneedstochange.jpg
>fast forward a year or so
>go to psychiatrist, depression diagnosis
>ok, at least it's treatable
Notminethough.gif
>tons of pills, no effect
>make me feel even worse
>try ECT and still nothing
>meanwhile I'm trying to get through high school
>started at 4.0, ended at ~2.12
>fast forward a couple more years
>therapy, more pills, hormone tests, nothing works
>finally diagnosed with chronic fatigue syndrome
Wellfuckmylife.exe
>no cure for this hellish disease
>not even effective fucking treatment methods exist
>stigmatized and told by many to "snap out of it"
>can't hold a job, I don't enjoy anything anymore besides drinking
>did I mention it's untreatable?
Probably not quite as sad a sob story as some of these feels, but I wanted to get it off my chest.
I don't think I'm going to kill myself because there's people out there who care about me, but I wouldn't care if I died.
>>708486302
>Left her ex when 3 months preg
Never stick your dick in crazy. Good luck, you are going to need it.
>>708487893
Thank you
Don't be greedy
The grass is always greener on the other side
Don't take her for granted
Also, keep and maintain healthy friendships outside of the relationship. Don't do what I did and abandon all friends and go "all in" with your gf. I recently got dumped and now I'm all alone. No safety net. She was my only friend.
>>708483813
Just out of curiosity, what college are you marching with? I marched with Oregon state for a few years. Shit is hard. Not like High School band where everything is fun and shit. If you don't enjoy it, then stop. Don't ruin your love for music just to march. It's not worth. That's why I didn't go to school to be a music major, like my entire family wanted me to.
>>708478346
Found out GF has cancer. She wants to get the treatment done and doesn't want the pity party of telling anyone so I've been bottling it inside. Significantly worried and sucks to have no one to talk to about it to get it off my chest. So many things running through my head about it all and trying to be her support but kind of crumbling inside.
>>708478346
My girlfriend of 2 years has begun to lose feeling for me, I don't know if this is temporary, and she's just in a funk, but I'm horrified of what could happen. I don't want to lose her, she's great
>>708488292
Yea I sorta did that in the beginning but I quickly got back into my normal relationships because not only is it healthy it is the safety net too like you said. Got a kik?
>>708488074
That's a great analogy, and quite accurate. I'm glad that everything is getting better though, that is how it is. There are no night and day changes, just the slow padding as days pass.
One day you might pass another threshold of adult experiences, though of the lighter variety, but I have no experience with that.
>>708487875
This tbh
I don't think I've crossed my own bridge all the way but every step across your own bridge is a step in the right direction
>>708478346
mulattos have low IQ
>>708478346
GF bought into the feminism Jew and is starting to go full SJW on me.
I think I need to break it off lads.
>>708488382
Is she getting that treatment done? You should be on her case about that, and what kind of cancer and what stage?
>>708488400
If she looses feelings for you then she looses feelings for you, just don't put yourself in a position where you'll blame yourself.
>>708488557
Either break it off or redpill her
>>708487061
You and I are two of a kind, I wish I had advice to give.
(pic unrelated)
>found girl on Internet
>girl lived 2 hours away
>talk for half a year get to know her start to like her
>she starts to like me too
>we both say cute shit over the next few months and I think everything is going well
>she begins to act funny
>she tells me to shut up one day and says "Bye Fucker" out of almost nowhere
>I begin to freak out
>week or two after trying to console her to talk to me she begins again
>something is definitely different
>several months go by
>off and on talking
>summer junior year
>she messages me "Who do you think I should date?"
>dumbass me thinking she's adding me into the equation
>shes talking about one guy and another who cheated on her
>slowly stop talking
>messages me one day over snapchat story
>"who's your cute friend"
>almost lost my shit but calmed down and stopped talking all together
>recently told her happy birthday
I don't understand how someone has so much power over another. After two years I felt so much emotion towards her even after she did so much to hurt me. I attribute a large amount of my anxiety towards her because of what she would do(text and not text for no reason causing me to blame myself). I'm glad she tried to get with my friend because after that I lost everything for her. I even found a girlfriend after a bit. Things seem to be going well /b/. Hopefully they stay the same but everyone knows nothing lasts forever.
>>708488580
She goes in for a surgery consultation tomorrow. Luckily, (if there is a luckily) it's thyroid cancer which is supposed to be the easiest to cure but it's still cancer. They are going to decide tomorrow if its best to do a biopsy and then chemo/ radiation therapy or just remove it and wait until December to continue. Not sure on the stage.
>>708488557
Aww fuck man, try not to let your beliefs get in between you man. If all else fails go full man and appeal to her primordial senses. Start going to the gym every other day.
>>708488595
U right. Thanks
>>708488658
>>708488729
I already lift, but definitely not as much as I should. I honestly think I've just gotten comfortable in the relationship (2 years) and become beta. If I get back to alpha status hopefully things will change.
>>708478346
I saw a fucking UFO fly over my head and cloak itself all extremely close.
>pic related, bit not mine
Bit nobody fucking believes me except fruit salad freaks on Facebook..... I wanna cry /b/.
>the paranormal is my lifes occupation now to prove I'm not crazy
>hundreds of people have seen these things
Wat do?
>>708488889
Same situation. Was going to work and saw a green light by the mountain peak and it stayed there then took the fuck off after it sat for about 5 seconds. Told everyone and no one saw it. Maybe im crazy.
>>708488699
Dont even think about that thot anymore, she seems like a complete drain. Keep those ties cut.
>>708488521
I've never expected night and day, when it comes to good changes. Those certainly do happen, but they're never as jarring as the negative changes. This time though, slow and steady.
I don't have a lot of experiences with the lighter variety either, but those experiences are definitely there. I could just be remembering them as less significant as they are. People do tend to do that.
But, I'm off to bed, its getting a bit late where I'm at. Thanks for the talk, man. I hope you keep well.
>>708488889
>off by one
actually try to take a photo that is not blurry
>>708488500
Tdiesel888
i was shown that my ex has recently started posting about how they still love me and wish that we never broke up, that tho they wish that i am happy they'd rather it be with them still. we broke up over a year ago, it was a very abusive manipulative relationship and i was so deeply in love i let them break me entirely. they were incredibly selfish and when we broke up they hated me and sent their fanbase to harass me for months, i was so miserable and hurt i had attemped to kill myself at one point. ended up in the hospital. ive been in the happiest healthiest relationship of my whole life, for sure i want to marry this person we are always so in sync and communicate well. i have fully gotten over my ex but part of me is sad for them. i will always love them and i tried to text them to let them know i care i dont want them to have to feel the heart break i did i love the person i'm with now but at times i find myself thinking about what it'd be like if i were to get back with my ex. they have such a hold on me and i've been so confused lately on my feelings.
>>708488889
Did you hear about the ufo guy who got poisoned in Poland? Google ir
>>708488157
My doctors have me on blood pressure meds and tell me im at risk of early death if i don't get it under control. Im 6.4 so its not crippling but i need to fix it. It's tough though when the only thing you can go to when ur depressed or angry or sad is food
>>708488969
Pain is like a brand. It dominants the mind stronger than anything else, but it can be healed more or less. The scar remains.
In anycase sleep well, and I'll do my best. Hopefully you and her do as well. You've got my thoughts.
>>708489080
Not ufo, specifically, but alien stuff
>>708488877
Lift more, bulk the fuck up and become as irresistible to her as possible, if it lasts longer she might wear out of it and since she is going all SJW its seems like it would be hard to decide to challenge or just go with what she says. It seems like challenging her can make things worse but letting her go with it could make things worse too. Good luck
>>708488954
I've seen a bunch of what looked like glowing white balls fly across the sky at 3am while having a cig. Two of them broke away from the group and flew into a cloud and illuminated it from inside for a couple of seconds before fading out. I lost track of the other glowing white balls...crazy shit. Never told anyone. Nobody would believe me.
>>708489100
I hear you
I'm an addict and an alcoholic
But at 29, I'm starting to have much longer stretches of sobriety
I'm trying to get myself to go to a therapist and a psychiatrist
You might want to consider that roo
>>708489100
You just have to be better than yourself ever day. Its easier said than done but it's a mountain to climb that isn't impossible to. Try doing one healthy thing a day, whether thats eating something like cashews or a salad instead of the usual stuff. Its all kind of correlated too. You hear and see it all the time about people feeling better and happier with excercise and dieting and its true. You got this.
>>708489072
Stop thinking about your ex, she is trying to manipulate you again. I know that is hard but pick out the good things int he relationship you have now, hyper focus on it.
>>708489146
Thanks anon. I'm gonna try and just listen from here on, because trying to have an open minded discussion doesn't work and gets her all worked up and upset.
>>708488978
>can't read
I was freaking the fuck out, and this pic ain't mine. Others have seen it, Google the "TR3B" UFO
>>708489204
I think we are seeing the truth its just hard because we can't reach those who actually see it also because it's such an isolated event sometimes. I definitely believe I saw a UFO and no one can convince me otherwise. To think that intelligent life forms don't exist elsewhere is assanine
>>708489240
i will make sure to make a list and keep it in the front of my mind, thank you anon
>>708478346
I'm getting high on the 12th floor of this building s balcony... realizing that no person I know thinks highly of me. I'm just that crazy gooky guy...
Now in my thirties but everyone judging how I act, dress, people I see. Mainly my parents and siblings. Don't get me wrong I'm doing okay... But they don't see that... My birthday was last week... And criticism was all I got from them... I'm angry, but sad. To them I'm trash.
Almost pushing their children-my siblings and nephew away in fear that my failures might infect their offspring or infect themselves.
The hole in my heart... Is wide, I feel like a stranger to them all. And I'm treated as such... I'm looking for a place to myself... So I already have the solution... But it still hurts... And I don't know how I should feel... Like what's the right emotion... I'm just sad and angry, anxious and frustrated because I don't know what to do... Is my next Christmas, a lonely one?
>>708489306
I know it's not yours
I was answering the 'wat do' question
>>708489256
Yeah, a problem with SJW's is that they are emotionally attached to their beliefs so anything that interferes with beliefs inevitably ends up with one being upset.
>>708482964
Yes, but these are all parts of life. You're right that they don't have to be, but look at humanity as one super-organism. We have to learn from our mistakes to progress. We are learning, but it doesn't take place over a single human lifetime, it takes many generations.
You cannot make other humans change. You can only set a good example for them to follow.
>>708489434
No problem, recognize that they are trying to use you again and the next time they tell you something like that make it a point that you recognize what they are doing. It might help them understand that you're done.
No one should fuck around with another's mind or heart.
>>708489504
Dude, I'm not even 30 yet and am still waiting to have a gf during Christmas.... just once, damn it!!!!
> I'm the UFO guy. Chicks only wanna be around me during the summer, oddly...
>>708488967
Thanks feels good to hear it from someone else.
>>708489570
This. I try telling people the same thing about rights and prejudices. Wasnt even 200 years ago that people still owned people as property. Thats roughly 5 generations if you go off 50 years being an average life span of it. Shit takes time.
>>708489662
It's been a while for me too. I guess I'm probably ugly or something.
>>708489662
It's so nice to have a gf around the holidays, but it never lasts.
I'd rather never have loved than to be as broken as I am now.
>>708489504
That question can only be answered if you answer it yourself. I'm not saying you should go out there and seek validation, the only validation you need is from yourself, but... As someone that is very much so alone the way to defeat that is to find people. Make new friends, and in some cases family.
If you're happy with how you are, as the crazy gooky guy, don't change. Do not change for anyone else. But if you are unhappy with yourself, try and fix it where you can.
Someone will like you for how you are. That's how people are. We've all got a few that end us liking the way we are now.
>>708489504
Ugh. I feel you.
What's your work/living situation?
>>708489776
I've had one, she was my partner in crime / high school girlfriend. Only thing is, because of a yearly and untimely depression that comes nearly every December, I've never actually spent a Christmas with her.
I've been dealing with my winter depressions okay, but still can't wait to get back to the distant north for the winter to be in my own comfort and solitude in an environment I actually like away from people
A few months back I started writing for Steemit and I made a few thousand real quick which made me think that I might be able to sustain a nice standard of living just on writing stories, but the currency they are using is in the toilet which means $600 chapter is now only worth $20, not sure if I should hold out for the price to go back up or jump ship.
>>708489776
Dude, I had a gf dump me back when I was 18...like on Dec 15..
Fucking cunt came to my house for booze on new years eve and all I did was get a drunken kiss... That ruined relationshipsfor me forever, and I've been hitting and quitting since then...
>am fit and charismatic irl, currently 28
Almost 5am here in Connecticut. Got up to pee but can't. Opiates.
i don't know how this video makes me feel about my fashion tastes.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5t7jlohvicg
My gf is nice to me and wants me to change my fucked up sleeping schedule, its 5am and i already feel like shit because i let her down a lot when i said i was going to change. I always fall asleep in the middle of the day because those sleepless nights, recently she asked if i still loved her because how distant i felt. That broke my heart because she helped me slowly forget about my depression and all i can repay her with is not giving her attention..I do still love her but somehow the depression slowly creeps up. I dont tell her because i don't want her to be worried.
>>708490192
Damn dude.. Left my partner in crime December 20th, crazy how these things can be so close to one another
>>708489991
Oh man
I hear you
I am so tempted to blow my brains out once a year
I don't own a gun for that reason and don't
>>708485250
small towns are the complete opposite of anonymity. Everyone knows your shit. It is much easier to get completely lost in the big city with millions of people.
A couple years ago I had hernia surgery and developed a pulmonary embolism. Spent 8 days in a coma and another 3 weeks relearning how to walk and stuff. Fiancé at the time would visit me but only for a few minutes a day. I get out of the hospital and that day the hernia came back. Go back to the hospital for tests. Fiancé tells me she can't do it anymore she wants a partner not another dependent....... I move out come back to California with my family. Have surgery again all good this time. Lose a ton of weight. Ex sees how well I'm doing and tries to rekindle things. I tell her fuck herself. There is hope for everyone just sleep your head up
>>708478346
I'm almost 25 and realized I don't have any true friends and my family doesn't get me, I hate my boss, I'm single and haven't fulfilled any of my career goals, the "take it easy man, I'm only 2x years old" is looking washed out now.
>>708490164
I haven't a clue what Steemit is but writing can be sustainable if you're consistent.
>>708490203
Can't pee because of opiates? Huh?
I've been a junkie for 10 years and I've never heard of that
Drink water or beer
Is it a lrostste issue?
>>708490466
Good on you! That's terrible of her not to support you and then to come crawling back when you're healed up and looking great. Fuck people like that, you don't need that kind of people in your life.
>>708490379
Good job on not owning a gun and for staying alive man. It does hit you like a bag of bricks but it doesn't have to always be like that.
>>708490423
I've been in the far north community for 4 years give or take. But I don't really leave the house unless I'm buying groceries, buying weed or chopping logs for firewood. I don't bother with people and have been doing adequately fine with that
>>708490590
Prostate
>>708490505
I am very consistent, but I like to post my stuff anonymously and since I do not have any social media I keep hearing that it is nearly impossible to sell stuff on Amazon without a massive following. Some of the people claim you have to basically give away your work for free on there for a very long time before you can charge.
>>708490478
29 and broken
I'll blow my brains out one of these days
I don't want pity or advice
Life is cruel
I feel content about everything knowing that my lights will be out soon
>>708490590
>I've been a junkie for 10 years and I've never heard of that
Then you are obviously lying about being a junkie.
>>708490751
Its partially true. You need to build up a fanbase before you can cash in. My cousin and his friends run a publishing house through amazon to do a lot of cross promotion because of it.
My suggestion? Start up a blog and a twitter. Write, post on amazon, you blog, and other places. Write what interests you and start posting it. Make sure it fits guidelines and the likes. While Amazon is inflated with authors, its also one of the few places where an author can become instantly popular through viral sharing.
Also I suggest making an account on the Baen forums and talking with the hobby and actual authors there. Good shit right there.
That not only was the United States only for a decade or two an actual Democracy, but also the fact that it's been a corrupt Plutocracy for centuries.
The fact that people are always convinced of their ideals, and are uninterested in the concept of truth. Their wallet, their ideas, their opinions are all that matter to them. Nothing so simple as little Truth, hard to remember, even harder to be found.
And that it doesn't even matter. Trump, Hillary, Johnson, Mickey Mouse, it doesn't matter. Eventually we'll just blow ourselves up. A superbug will pop up that we can't quite kill. A rogue meteor will smash into us out of nowhere. A gamma ray burst, a sudden nuclear fallout.
A lot of things matter to me, and I want a lot of them to change while I'm alive, but I'm fucking powerless. Worse, I can't even change my own life for the better. How can I change the lives of other people if I can't even better myself?
I hate everything because I can't do anything.
>>708490890
I'm from Patterson NJ
I buy buns for $40 a pop
I started with oxys in 2003 and graduated to heroin by 2005
I've survived 4 od's
Never once have I struggled to piss nor heard of anyone else having issues with it
I have shit myself and been constipated for ~10 days at a time
>>708490792
Broken how?, spiritually?, financially?, intellectually (lol)?, socially?
>>708490423
>>708490625
I hear'ya. I'm in the dead center of Los Angeles. I only go out for groceries, to buy beer, and to the movies. I'm surrounded by millions of people, but nobody really knows me. And I love it this way.
I also work from home and at my own pace... fucking beautiful
>>708490961
Thank you for your help, I have been writing for a long time, but I am completely new to selling my work.
I am saving this info, thanks.
>>708478482
this must be an introvert thing. i'm too much of a selfish ass hole bastard to give a shit about my best and closest friends, much less some random faggie
If it would help anyone (even just with boredom), I would chat on Kik. I'm 28 myself and I regularly deal with weird sleep schedules (it's 5:15 AM here). I saw some people mentioned difficulty connecting with most people as well as seasonal effective disorder (seasonal depression) and I deal with those things as well. It would be cool to chat with someone, especially at these strange hours where I sometimes find myself wishing I weren't the only one awake and feeling alone/disconnected.
>>708491119
Crippling depression and anxiety (and at least one Dr thinks bipolar type ii)
No passions or interests
Can't focus enough to read or watch tv even
Suicidal for 18 continuous years
Not a single friend on this planet
I make $12/hr
No driver's license
Legal battle (that I can't discuss) with the probability of at least a year in prison for a crime I did not commit
I'm just sick of it all
Too pussy to kms because I love my parents and they love me
I watched how other family member's suicides have hurt people and I am not a cruel person
>>708491286
Tdiesel888
I work overnight shift on west coast
>>708491087
It is very common to see other junkies spending hours trying to piss and in high doses it is almost impossible.
>>708490346
I think you should tell her in case she takes it the wrong way. If you think she will leave you because of depression then its a fucked relationship, if not you need to nut up and tell her. She seems like she really cares about you and you need to work something out. My sleep schedule was fucked for a long time but I ended up fixing it by going on a vacation across the globe lol. Drink coffee or something, do whatever because you dont want to risk her giving up
>>708491247
Ive been writing off and on for years, but you need a name that people can know you by. Many authors have had pen names, though I don't know how that flies nowadays. Think you can still do it.
Hope my advice helps! Its not too late to make the next epic saga... Or Fifty Shades of Smut :)
>>708491333
Hey, if you're going to jail anyway and want to die, do something whacky enough to get yourself killed.
>>708491333
I'm just curious, why did you mention "no driver license"?
>>708478683
story?
>>708491441
If steemit's price ever rebounds check it out, you might do well, but at the moment I can't even see posting poems on there for $20, that is insane.
>>708491247
Also last thing: if you make a novel and you think its good? Get it edited (friends work) and show it to real publishers like TOR, Baen, etc there are so many. They're always looking for new authors, though they do have standards that you may meet. Never give up, etc etc. Its surprising how much the publisher tag does to promote an author.
That said working with publishers tends to mean less freedom in the form of time. They might be more demanding on the next installment or a new book, etc etc. They also take their own cut. Just be smart and read contracts if you ever have to sign one. Self publishing is safe and easy, but finding a publisher can help a lot.
Had a pretty bad bout of depression, DPDR a few months back. I'm still kind of numb to everything. I'm here, but I'm not here. I feel like any minute I can unravel but I'm calm. It's quite strange, and I'm afriad I'll never go back to beig fully normal again. Being able to look up at the night sky, enjoying my familys company, getting comfortable with vidya. Tell me these things aren't gone forever /b/. Tell me I'll be ok.
>>708491580
I'll check it out then, thanks!
>>708491528
It's limiting. Career-wise and socially and shit.
>>708491464
I think about that all the time
My girlfriend died a few months ago and I'm barely holding together. It's the worst thing I've ever felt.
>>708491885
What happened?
>>708490231
brunette a qt.
also
have a [spoiler]fuck your shitty college-tier comedy short.[/spoiler] day
>>708491885
cheesy as fuck, but my condolences. I could never imagine what you are going through. Stay strong brother.
>>708491824
I understand this feel. I am engaged to someone who works full-time and we share a car. I am stuck at home the majority of the time as a result and it can be pretty crippling. I feel for you in that regard. I know the depression and anxiety feels as well. Sorry life is totally fucking you, I hope the legal thing will go away--I have a friend I know very well who was falsely accused of rape and he was finally acquitted, or whatever the proper term is. I really hope that happens for you.
>>708491613
Thank you for the information, it is very helpful.
>>708492031
No probs.
>>708491957
Thanks, bro. I know it's cheesy but i'd like everyone here to know that they should find and hold on to love, but it's a big double-edged sword.
>>708478527
This happens time to time. Very sad.
>>708490346
Tell her. If she cares for you enough she'll understand.
>>708487751
Just tell him faggot
It's a fucking game that brings up bad memories for you that's not even worth talking about for him.
It's obviously striking a nerve that might lead to trouble ahead. Just let him know. Hell understand
>>708491621
Any advice at all kind anons?
fucking hell
i wish i was so hard while dealing with all that shit in my life like marcus was while kicking everybodys ass
that badass motherfucker literally never smiled through the whole series
>>708492591
was meant for
>>708487751
