Stupidest shit youve done while horny
I slammed my dick into a wall when I first started fapping. Thought it would feel good. It bent my dick permanently.
>>708415449
Show dick
>>708415266
because you lost your virginity to your uncle?
>>708415534
nah, it's just all the way to the left fml
Fucked a Ladyboy in Laos up the butt without condom. It was great tho, and the burgers next door where the shit!
>>708415679
How much did it cost
>>708415449
>slammed my dick into a wall
>thought it would feel good
>>708415620
Awesome
I once got high in the woods and started thinking about bubble booties, so I beat off into a leaf in the middle of the trail.
>>708415620
just show it
>>708415837
I was super drunk, so I just "tipped" him 2$ and left. Dunno if he wanted anything tho, but I feld kinda sorry for him. I mean, I could see his mom sewing when I entered the appartment and she could probably hear the whole thing. Wonder how I came back to my hostel that morning
>>708415620
Show it fag
>Be me
>14
>Smonk some marijuanas
>Get absolutely fucking ripped
>Also get...
>...absolutely fucking horny.
>Get what I thought was a great idea to appease my teenage libido
>Steal my sisters thong and bra
>Spend 20 minutes searching for the perfect porn, whilst wearing bra and thong
>Find it
>Precum drips down my cock and onto the thong
>Toohightoocare.jpg
>Jerk off
>Cum within 3 minutes
>Best
>Orgasm
>Ever
>Being stoned made it feel so much better
>I was laughing my ass off and moaning at the same time
>finally settle down after 5 or so minutes.
>Actually look down at my dick
>Cum
>All over the thong
>SHITSHITSHITSHITSHIT
>HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO HIDE THIS
>Take thong off
>clean myself off
>walk into backyard
>Throw cum-covered thong over the fence and into the backyard of the house behind mine
>I knew it would be fine because the house was (and still is) abandoned
>walk back inside
>Put bra back in drawer
>Go back into my room to ride out the rest of my high
>Best part is sis never noticed that her thong was missing.
>lucky me I guess.
show boner to my mom
>>708416249
Kek
>>708415620
>>708415449
pics or it didn't happen
>>708416376
Really?
>>708416376
Story
> fapping
> fucking cat is in heat howling like fuck
> ohgodwhyamIdoingthis
> crouch down
> grab cat by the neck scruff
> rub cock on horny cat hole
> she loves it.. Making weird sounds and drooling
> about to cum.. Try sticking tip in
> didn't have as firm a grip as I thought
> cat freaks out because human cock and cat hole don't match
> too late I am cum
> same time as cat claws muh dick
> mfw cum, and blood are shooting out the shaft.. And head..
> mix of pain/pleasure/shock/selfloathing
> jerk off with polysporin until dick heals.. Not seeing dr avout this
> mfw cat avoids me for the rest of it's life
Tl:dr. Anon tried to fuck a feline and punctured his vas instead.
Was drunk and nearly made out with a really gross short fat chick. Most I did was hug and touch her under her shirt.
But shit, I regretted it the next day.
Fucked my toilet... Imagine shitting position, but in reverse. I humped it. This was before I discovered proper masturbation.
>>708416897
How did your cat not die?
>>708417092
Not her fault.. That would be like knocking down a wall because I was too stupid not to ram my dick into it.
>>708417092
Tiny dick
Convinced my 7 year old niece to give me a BJ. We had 3 more encounters after. Now I regret it all and contemplate suicide since I feel I don't deserve a happy life.
I'm so glad I found this thread again
>>708417352
It legit must be like two inches
>>708416897
If you don't mind me asking, how old where you when you did this?
>>708417706
About 14
>>708417794
Did you parents find out
>>708417416
How old were you? If same age it's no biggie
>>708417794
Any other fucked up stories
>>708417416
Is she messed up because of it?
>>708417794
Ight, 14 year olds a generally retarded, especially if you read my post ( >>708416360 ). If you were like 20, then I would've told you to kill yourself, in all honesty
>>708417416
> green text
>>708415266
Poured out a bottle of cologne on my cock. It stund like hell dude.
>>708417862
Of course not.. We didn't have penis inspections, and cats can't talk. Kek
>>708418037
>his cats dont talk to him
Fucking normie
>>708415266
fucked a hooker. done it on multiple occasions. sometimes go to asian massage parlors as well
>>708418037
>cats can't talk
Speak for yourself, anon
>>708415679
you are sick shit
cheers to you and your laos-ashole
HIV sucks
>>708417921
I stuck things in my ass a lot around the same time. Had a chemistry set and froze some of the test tubes with water in them. Hadn't learned about thermal expansion/contraction in school yet.
Took a glass test tube out of the freezer and was just starting to work it up my ass when it fractured in my hand. Stopped sticking things up there shortly thereafter.
Tried to fuck my dog (german shepherd) when I was 13 and crazy horny. She was a female, but I was too young and stupid to know anything about anatomy so I slipped it up her asshole. Got too grossed out to cum.
Surprisingly, she didn't really care.
>>708417901
I was about 21 and a bit drunk at the time
>>708417937
As far as I can tell no. She seems like a normal kid, has an habit of talking back and some school trouble but what kid doesn't
>>708418007
On phone to much effort
>>708418400
Lmao
Also nice dubs
>>708418293
I won't be seeing Jesus when I die
>>708417091
I can't imagine that.
Like how was that even pleasurable? Did you actually get off?
>>708418450
Kek what a dumbass
>>708415266
Just today I lubed up my wifes vibrator and put it in my ass why I jerked off. I'm 36 and it's the first time I've ever done it. Kind of overrated, was very uncomfortable. There was some pleasurable sensation from the vibrations against the back of my prostate and I think it did make it weirdly easy to cum, but my asshole felt very uncomfortable the entire time so it was forced.
>>708416986
Did this with a fat black girl who lives in my apartment complex.
She is one of those fat girls who wont change herself and because she is fat she doesn't get any romantic attention. I was really fat and desperate at the time as well (still am fat but 65 lbs lighter) and she was so excited and horny she just gave herself to me entirely. I mean, I never really talked to her but once I slid in not 20 minutes later was she sitting on my lap and I had my hand between her legs rubbing her through her jeans.
I'm ashamed that I actually was that desparate and will never stoop to that low of a girl again
>>708418474
Don't ever remind her anon.. Live with your guilt alone. The way society would react, both of your lives would be destroyed.
>>708418624
Your personal hell will probably involve you being sexually tormented by little loli demons for all eternity.
>>708418707
Uhh... I didn't cum, but it felt really good. Think of a dog in heat, I was pretty fucking young. I was just humping anything and it felt amazing. Then I finally jerked off and cried afterwards cos I felt guilty and confused about why its not piss coming out of my dick.
>>708418791
Shit nigga are you me? You're 13 years my senior but I can't fathom how any man enjoys ass play. Just feels like there's something up my ass that's not supposed to be there, and as you said, I had to force myself to orgasm.
>>708419069
I thinks 98% of males who visit 4chan. Eventually you break down and do something gay as fuck. How could you not?
>>708415266
Fisting my ass.
Felt good tho
>>708419291
How do you even reach around that far?
>>708418796
Oh I won't, hopefully she will forget, and me Death is to easy. I'll live with it until I die and if their is am after life I'll take whatever punishment their is with what little dignity I have left.
>>708418796
I don't think it would work like that. If it did they would all look like her. Like a constant reminder.
>>708419403
By not being a fatass
>>708419403
Takes some time, but laying on your side and curling your back helps a lot
>>708416249
What was the smells like
Can I get a green text
I found a dead girl when I was a teenager. I was exploring the woods around my house and there she was. I was a kissless virgin so I pulled her jeans down and fucked her dead cunt. It was incredibly dry, so it was hard to get inside her and once inside, I couldn't really thrust in and out, just kind of push and pull my dick as it was lodged there. Came inside, and suddenly she was a slippery wonderland, but it hurt to keep fucking so I gave up. Made a sloppy effort to hide her body. Came back late at night and made her suck my dick and then fucked her cunt again. It was still slick and wet from my last load, so it was a nice, easy fuck.
And I just kept coming back and fucking her until she smelled too bad and then I buried her and never looked back. No regrets, idgaf. Felt awesome.
>>708417416
One of my stepsisters had a daughter around that age.
>When she would visit I was usually playing Nintendo.
>She would sit on my lap and grind around.
>I was just in highschool.. So I tried to hide my boner. She seemed to seek it out..
>Sometimes I would let her rub against it a bit and pretend I was too into the game to notice..
>Other times it weirded me out.
I later learned her babysiter who was slightly older than me had been raping her regularly. She had to go into therapy because she didn't understand it was "wrong." mfw I could have fucked my stepniece with minimal effort.. Fap guiltily to it once or twice a year.
Paid for a hooker, travelled 15 miles, couldn't get it up, chatted about the political climate whilst she played with my flaccid dick. Cocaine, lots of booze and a high class prostitute, expensive night out without a happy ending.
I should've heliumed myself that night.
>>708418202
How easy is it to get handy or bj
I'm black but not a thug
>>708419797
>found a dead girl when I was a teenager
I already know this post is going to be a wild ride when that's the first sentence.
>>708419797
Hot.
I killed a lizard when I was 4.
>>708419957
> finds perfectly fuckable pussy
> doesn't spit in his dick for lube
You lack even the most basic common sense.. should have bought nose plugs and kept it up until the maggots tickling your knob became unbearable
>sat on cucumber
>came on cucumber
>ate cucumber
>threw up multiple times
>didnt try anal again
>>708420701
>4
>horny
>>708420662
lol made me kek
>>708420701
Was this supposed to be when you were horny?
>>708418400
>1guy1tube
>>708420759
That was meant for the post above.. Damn glitchy phone.
>>708419797
jesus dude what the FCUK
>>708420775
did... did you rinse after you sat on it?
ECOLI
C
O
L
I
>Select all images with a storefront
>>708415620
doooooo iiiiitttt
>>708420834
The lizard probably was
>>708415679
did you get aids
>>708419797
Wtf
>>708416099
Kek'd and checked
>>708420106
so easy haha, they flip you over and ask what you want. then tell them what u want, they wont offer for legal reasons you have to ask. but also check backpage to verify it really is a legit AMP
>>708418202
Done this loads of times. I go through phases of just being beyond horny and actually having no control over my actions. I used to feel guilty but I've done it so many times it's just kinda normal. The Asian masseuse even knows exactly how I like it now.
>>708422396
Do they just give you a rub down that ends in a handjob or do you actually get to fuck them?
>>708422502
some let you fuck them. depends, ive fucked some before. sometimes when they are massaging you they will grab your hand and touch their pussy with it. the best
I was 13 and I tried to make my dog lick my dick but ended up getting it all sticky and full of dog hair
>>708422749
What are the girls like? Sexy young-ish girls or are they older, saggy-titty asian ladies?
>>708422967
this depends where you go, ive gone to some and had sexy asian milfs. gone to some with young right off the boat asians and have gone to some with ugly old asians, just gotta find the right one in your town
>>708422802
What do you mean sticky
>>708422802
Use peanut butter
Started a hot shower and tried to fuck a fruitcake in it, was hoping the steam would make it moist but it just crumbled on my dick
>>708423302
Why did you even have one of those
>>708422802
Nigga you what?
>>708419797
Wtf man
>>708418933
Dubs penatrates normal immunitys but I have the giga nigger of protection which requires quads
Any more stories?
> be $5 for 5 tacos day at Taco Bell
> take date.. Eat tacos
> start getting molesty in the back of the car that night
> didn't want to ruin the mood by taking a shitbreak
> had been holding in tacofarts for a couple of hours under pain
> she excuses herself to the bathroom
> no is my chance to fart..
>.. Immediately h
Shit my pants
> oh god no..
> she is coming back..
.. "
> Lean out window "gotta go.. family emergency"
Never questions me about it.. Had to steamclean the car seat as it had seeped by the time I got home.
>>708415620
show us your dick, faggot
>>708415620
Show us
>>708424969
U r kill
>>708423302
Wtf
>>708423372
I really like fruitcakes and my grandmother made me a large one
>>708416897
>jerk off with polysporin
im dead
>>708425400
Whats polysporin
>>708425481
whats google
>>708425481
>Google.com
>>708425582
you copied my joke but didnt use repetition as a literary device fuck you
Bump. More stories!!
>>708425681
i replied before i saw what your post was. my bad mang
>>708425774
fair enough. ive already stabbed your doll though. im sorry if it brings you pain
>>708425582
>edgy
I jacked off with my legs over my head and came into my own mouth to taste cum after watching sissy shit. The after orgasm shame that came after completely halted all feelings of being a sissy and now im cured.
Wasn't even that horny but on Sunday I was so bored and depressed I went and lost my anal virginity to a shemale escort.
>be me
>23 yo
>in school waiting for my class to start in the stairs
>urge need to shit
>check if theres someone
>take a dump in the stairs
>feelsgood.jpg
>take my shit and spread it on the wall
>start laughing
>"i should fucking piss i'll get a good laugh"
>start pissing
>still laughing, can't stop
>was walking will pissing...
>while laughing i felt because i walk on piss
>piss everywhere on my pant
>5 minutes till my class start
>cant get to my home to change my pant
>mfw i got my pant covered of piss and it's smell for 2 hours
but i was a good laugh, would do it again
>I was fapping furiously couldn't get off
>I saw a bottle of baby oil and this thing
>They call it a Tabo?
>Lubed the handle
>Jam it straight through my asshole
>Masturbate
>Nut
>I see myself in the bathroom mirror
>I couldn't see myself the same way anymore
>>708426570
i dont get this. i can mildly understand fucking a shemale, but i cant wrap my head around getting fucked by a shemale. thats like the most beta shit i can even think of. shits like epsilon
>>708415266
I had sex with my wife in the missionary position, solely for the purpose of procreation.
>>708426928
YOU FUCKING MONSTER!
>>708415620
Pull your dick out and show us you homo
>>708426928
You're a sex offender.
>>708426928
sick fuck.
ordered female clothing and got fucked by a man
>>708426928
THE ABSOLUTE MADMAN
>>708426928
You're worse than Hillary Clinton!
Every time I get drunk and horny, I text my ex. She always replies and sometimes Come over. . Never told my friends this - to embarrased, it ended for a reson.
>>708426928
you fucking superpredator
i stole some chicks panties cause she left her stuff at my place and jerked off a couple of times with them before throwing them out
nothing extreme but still creepy if it were to get out
>30 years older man virgin
>see guy with female
>put me peewee in hand
>goes by female
>take hand and see her my peewee
>she run
>me run
>guy run
>guy take peewee
>cumed in hand guy
image me
Many years ago..
> Hear about deepweb and tor
> follow link from /b/
> it's a directory to cp, drugs, stolen shit, etc.
> look around at everything..
> .. Had left the cp till last
> eh.. What the heck, how bad could it be
> browsed it for hours
> felt guilty because dick was twitching
> eventually start masturbating
> I came with the force of a thousand suns
> the guilt and fear of what I had done gripped me tight
> that week I reformatted my computer, did my best to brick it with an actual brick
> bought a new computer (old one was dying anyhow)
Still wonder.. Am I a pedo now or was it the thrill of something taboo?
Don't really want to know.
>>708427856
you faped with fear that not a problem then
fucking pedo
>>708427643
kek nice google translate
>>708426928
How do you live with yourself?
>>708426595
Haha i do this all the time, I always get a kick out of it I just crack myself up
>>708426928
That's actually completely appropriate and respectful
Not a story about me, but involving me.
>16th birthday
>Have party at house with like 8 friends
>K and T are dating eachother at the time but invite them both anyways.
>K and T keep going into my bedroom and I keep checking on them because I know teenagers.
>Every time they're just making out
>Eventually I camp out in there with a friend to make things awkward for them
>Mom comes in and yells at me to give them privacy
>Wtf mom
>Go hang out with friends and leave them alone for like 2 hours
>K eventually has to go home
>T comes and hangs out with us and then leaves nonchilantly
>Check bed
>Wet stains in the center of bed
>For fucks sake
>TFW Best friend and his girlfriend had sex on my bed, on my birthday, at my party
>TFW My mom told me to give them privacy to have sex w/o condoms
>TFW T and K break up the next day over bad sex
>Kek?
>>708428791
topkek you should have took a vid
>>708427856
You're a pedophile. Regardless of taboo, you found the content sexually arousing. That said, don't be ashamed of yourself. You'd be surprised how many people are actually attracted to minors. Of course it's that horrible demonic elephant in the room that we can never discuss in public, but alone? Look at the statistics. The search data, the traffic through underage-oriented image boards, the truth is all there.
Listen.
It's not wrong. It's natural. Don't feel bad or be hard on yourself. As long as you don't actually fuck a child, you're just fine, fam.
>>708429084
>b
real talk
>>708419797
>white people
>>708415266
Fucked some chick I didn't want to be with and impregnate her.
>>708415449
underrated post
>>708415266
Had sex with some chick I met at some dude's house only to find out she'd previously fucked everyone of the people present in the house I met her at....or blew them.
>>708428791
i was at a friends birthday once, and another friend and his gf went and fucked in the birthday boys room. dude came in a mcdonalds bag, and then spilled it on the bed. Shit had all of us rolling because the birthday boy loved to work for mcdonalds for some reason.
>Me
>18
>Gay
>Stay the night at a friends house
>Shit's normal all day and night, secretly cuddle w/ friend because beta and lonely
>In morning, have to leave for work in a few hours so packing up and getting ready to go
>Friend goes to clean something in the kitchen before his family gets up and throws a fit
>Had a pretty big crush on friend, thought he was hot
>Randomly arroused
>Looking around his room while on phone
>Notice laundry pile
>Steal a pair of the guys underwear and stash it in backpack
>Go home
>Furiously masturbate into underwear
>Feel like shit afterwards
>4 years later me and friend still hang out and talk almost every day
>I've still got the pair
>He still has no fucking idea where a pair of his underwear went
>>708429084
Truer words never spoken anon.
My girlfriend
>>708427856
Well you dont intend to run around and grab underage pussy around, do you?
>if i took weed once and had mixed feelings about it am i a stoner now
>>708416376
I did too i was a kid so she didnt care that much i saw a batman cartoon a episode showed batman taking his cape off i took a blanket and just wore it and just took it off and showed my boner (i was naked)
>>708426928
You sicken me.
>>708415266
>was jerking off
>cat was watching
>thought of that louis ck skit
>couldnt help myslef
>she got what was cumming
asked my gf if i could fuck her while she was on her period.
>>708426726
Feels good tho
>>708416249
No how much were the burgers fuckhead
>>708418933
fucking about having sex with a dog but not fucking with the guy that convinced a 7 year old to give a BJ, you must be the most retarded person on this site
>>708417416
>be me
>mom uses rectal thermometer
>basically turns me into a fag
>constantly fake being sick
>hard trying to hide boner
MFW this entire thread
>>708419797
cool story bro
I tried to make a dildo with playdoh and put it in the microwave to make it hard.
>>708415266
Beat off in the backseat of the car while my parents were in the front. It was during a trip to Florida, so I was in the car all day. Had a blanket over me, and was laying down, but if either of them had looked, they would've clearly saw the blanket going up & down at the location of my crotch. Luckily they didn't notice....or at-least they didn't react or say anything to me about it.
>>708416897
>not wrapping the cat in a towel first
>>708419957
Holy shit, did the sick fuck go to prison?
>>708436157
You know they could smell it, right? They noticed but just didn't say anything. You're welcome.
>>708419957
How did her parents find out?
>>708419957
It's not rape if she consented.
>>708418738
faggot
>>708415449
>Slammed my dick into a wall
>>708415266
1. I had the chance of a 3some with 2 hot same aged girls when i was 17, but didnt take it. (hanged out with them, watched horror movie drank alcohol thenw e all slept togethe rin one bed. I ended up making out with 1 of them, but nothing more happened. If I'd have the experience from back then I'd definately taken the chance...
2. Was emotional support for the girl i fell in love on first sight, she cryed on my shoulders cuz she had to end her relationship with her now ex bf. We drank alcohol and talked till into the early mornign hours... we were listening also to music, and looking deeply into the eyes. The music suddenly played a more romantic song... and I couldn't resist and had to kiss her. We made out and shit (it was the most romatic moment of my life tbh, the music and shit was so fitting i had to kiss her) i carried she to her bed but she didnt want to have sex, so we kissed a littlebit and fell asleep, since then she keeps distance on me(she is kinda crazy, she had some shit in her childhood, like I did aswell so we got along from the beginning). Some friends still try to help me, to get together with her again, She is such a wonderful person and has such artistic skills... I really hope I get together with her again
>>708418933
fk u
>>708418933
Well played, faggot.
Jacking off and thought it'd be super great to cum on my own face. So I lay on my back and start going at it. As I approach climax I raise my legs in the air and back towards my face bringing my crotch within cum-shot range. So there I was, stroking furiously with my dick inches from my face still feeling like I'm going to cum the hardest I've ever came.
Yeah, that feeling went away as soon as the first drop of cum landed on my face. Immediate fappers remorse. Lol.
>>708416376
me too
>GF has drinking problem
>GF also likes Benzo's
>My penor discovered he likes passed out chicks
>Wait for GF to come back early in morning from binging
>She's dead to the world
>Already got diamond hard thinking about what I'm about to do
>Tied her hands behind her back, taped her mouth shut, tied her legs together
>pull her panties down
>Spit all over my cock and rub it in
>Spread her ass cheeks
>Take aim
>Let the harpoon fly
>Get balls deep; she wakes up slightly
>"Hmm...HMMF! HRRRMMMMMFFFF!!!!!!!!
>Her muffled screams only make me harder
>Stab her ass like I'm on death row
>Literally see tears run down her face
>Don't care; Meat Bat is in control now
>Cum enough to fill a Gatorade bottle
>Undid one of her hands and left her there
She comes out about 15 minutes later talking about how much of an asshole I am. That was over a year ago and we're still together.
Still raping that asshole too.
>>708429250
Probably niggers killed her after raping her so lmao
>>708418037
This is hilarious
>>708418933
fuck
>>708426928
I have seen some shit in my life but this... this tops all of them.
>fucking gf doggy style
>balls fucking deep
>she's gripping the sheets, screaming "OH GOD OH FUCK"
>accidentally "Slip out"
>slip off condom
>continue the onslaught
>getting real into it
>nearing climax
>she's on her stomach, completely wore out from my dick
>Cum in her pussy
>at the same time raise my fists and start drunkenly singing the john cena theme
the child that came with it was almost worth it
>>708415266
Me and my cousin use to fool around when we were like 6 or 7 i remember eating her out when I was young. Too bad we got caught one day : /
>>708438524
>Stab her ass like I'm on death row
lol'd
>>708439110
Story time.
>>fapped in my car after my booty call flaked on me literally when i picked her up
>>told the same girl a few years later that i wanted to stick my face between her cheeks cause she had a fat ass when i was buzzed then she made me drop her off after that conversation
>>708439027
did you name your kid John?
>>708418859
>sexually tormented by little loli demons
>hell
>>708439266
we would kiss and she would suck me off and id eat her out. There had to been like over 50 times we did it. Just one night when our parents were downstairs me and my cousin went up to a closet upstairs hidden and were messing around and the parents must have been calling us and we didnt answer so they came looking for us and they found us. I'll never forget cuz then we got the "talk" after.
>"it cant happen you guys are family"
>>708419263
Weirdly I've gone the opposite when I was young I was very "soft" still never done anything gay at least 4chan level and now I despise faggots more than ever what's going on?
I was wearing aviator sunglasses sitting on my bed when I noticed my little sister walking into the bathroom wearing only a towel. It's right across the hall, I could hear the shower turn on, so I closed my door and imagined I had x-ray vision like Superman and jerked off furiously while facing the wall thinking about her in there.
>be me
>be 19
>drunkAF.jpeg
>hot cousin also drunk
>first cousin
>on couch touching and rubbing
>her mom and dad sleeping upstairs
>start to lick her out
>she gets really into it and says "thats it get him out"
>mydick?.exe
>YES YOUR DICK IDIOT
>start fucking
>BEST
>SEX
>EVER
>about2cum.rar
>pull out spurt on tits
>she wants to cuddle...
>FUCKTHAT
>feel stud af
>also feel guilty
>walk home
>never spoke to her since
Allowed the ever loving shit out of my way younger kinda stupid cousin
She moaned like a cat in heat
I regret it because she became obsessive after a few fucks and it took a lot
And I mean a lot to keep her mouth shut
But man oh man her orgasm throbs.... I miss that bitch so bad
>>708440418
Plowed*
>>708415266
Jacking off with shampoo
My dick burned for two days afterwards
>>708439110
I wish I was your parents. We'd all be watching videos of you two right now while fucking your daughter with a vibrator together.
>>708419797
What a great story.
>>708439603
haven't decided yet. Good idea though
>>708440168
You're a special kind of autistic aren't you faggot
>>708425481
askjeeves.com
>>708415266
>Stupidest shit youve done while horny
pic related
>>708426928
Show dick faggot.
>>708441950
you fucked a horse?
>>708427643
I zozzled
>>708419797
The stories and information posted here are artistic works of fiction and falsehood.
Only a fool would take anything posted here as fact.
>>708440475
Ages?
masturbated on skype to a retarded girl with mobilitty problems, it was fucking disgusting, she liked it though
>>708422502
Depends on how much $$ you got.
>>708418933
cccccc
me and my friends were hanging out with some girls we met and me, my best friend, and one of the girls wandered off and i bet my friend 20 dollars that i could cum on her before he could so we started incognito jerkin and i came on her shoe under the table we were sitting at (it was night and we were in the elementary school people hang out in)
>>708415266
Drunk and dropped $300 on cb Donaann21
>>708416897
Jeebuz
>>708443442
Who?
>>708415266
Bought pic related
>>708443603
Google?
>>708419797
Fuck off. Fake.
>>708415266
let a girl think i gave a fuck about her opinion
>>708418792
i appreciate this post
When i was 14 i was jerking off with mint tooth paste
Felt really good you guys should try it to
>>708415266
This actually fucked my niece we were 14 16 at the time.
>>708444654
Don't listen to this guy, he's lying.
His mom sucked my dick right after brushing her teeth and still had minty-mouth. That shit killed my boner so fast.
Went to Amsterdam this year, first time with a hooker, wanted it to be like regular sex with a girl so paid extra to eat her out
>>708419797
About how old was she? How old were you? How do you deal with the fact that if her body is found she has your DNA inside her?
Make hole in my wall and put silicone on the perimeter.
>feels good
Cover the hole with a Mad Max poster!
>>708416897
top kek
>>708444924
>ate out a hooker
>MFW
>>708415266
>be me
>be 14 or 15
>is camming with a domme/mistress
>she tells me to do push ups and try to keep a boner
>start doing push ups, every time i go down my boner pushes against the floor
>mom walks in
>slam down on the floor crushing my boner
>slam laptop shut
"MOM IM NAKED"
"oh ok go to bed"
>>708417979
shit i just turned 14 this month. Please dont ban me mods, but do ya got advice on how not to be retarded?
>>708421412
yeah
>>708445544
GET OFF THIS SITE FAST BEFORE YOU BECOME ONE OF THEM
>>708445544
TRIPLE DUBS CHECKED
>>708415266
Jerk into my gfs nieces panties. Shes ugly af
>>708445796
wowww nice
>>708445763
it's too late...
>>708415266
>op fucked his nephew.
>op is faggot and that's why he didn't fuck his niece.
>>708425913
leddit
>>708426664
Keked
>>708429084
First philosophy of /b/
Youre not gay/pedo unless you act on it
>>708419797
Fuck off nigger
>>708425338
the most fucked up thing about this is that you like fruit cakes.
I tried jacking off with rub A535 once
Then back when my forskin was busted and too fuckig tight I would fap with lotion till it tore. Sounded like cardboard ripping. Top of my forskin is covered in scars now. Its pretty legit
>>708426928
I'm going to do this tonight.
Call the cops I don't give a fuck.
>>708418119
underrated post
>>708444924
>>708445226
>paid extra
Fuck greentxt
Be 26...grown ass adult
Hot ass cousin is 20...grown ass adult
Both get shit face drunk one night
Sober up some..get touchy on couch
Get more touchy
She says it's wrong but wants it but doesn't
Talk her into letting me rub my dick on her clit while she spread her pussy open
Came buckets
Still see her at holidays
Get along great but never bring it up
>>708433004
this isn't bad tho. just do it in the shower.
>>708427643
kek
>Be 16 at park with gf and bro and his lady friend
>Extremely horny gf sitting on lap
>Friend and his gf fuck off
>forest near park ask gf if she wants to take a walk
>arrive and start drinking and smoking the usual things we did
>never had sex before and gf suggest we play spin the bottle but instead of kissing we strip
>super excited
>eventually I have to pull down my pants
>in a drunken high fit of rage I pull down her pants and underwear then pull down mine
> bend her over on nearby stump thing
>pounding her pussy like a bull in a china shop
>Screaming
>mfw friends gf comes crying
>friend did something mean she sees us fucking and wants in I guess
>fuck them both and finish by convincing my high gf to swallow my cum
Jesus Christ man shit was so cash, me and my gf cheated on my friend like 4 times after untill he caught us one day haven talked to him in years.
>>708436280
Smell the cum?
>>708418211
Yeah dude my cat and I talk almost like my mom/dad and I used to. Like I'm the parent and I'll ask or say something and he'll reply with just the same exact gestures I used growing up. I fucking love it. I'll tell him, you know I love you, right? And he'll make a gesture by nodding once and then lifting his head and looking around with a slight grimmace. It basically meant "Yeah, but noooot soooo looooud...someone's going to hear you and they're going to make fun of me".
Sometimes he lies to make me feel better. I know this because it makes no sense. Other times he'll say "How am I supposed to know?" and then I finish it with "I'm just a fucking cat" and he'll nod all proud like "Yeah you get me".
Not really as crazy as some of the other ones but I bought an Elder Wand replica at Harry Potter World in Orlando and then one night got super horny and saw it lying there so I lubed it up and buttfucked myself with it. It had little bumps in it too so it was P R I M O for that P R O S T A T E.
Fucked a tranny. Pic related
I worked as a night auditor at a hotel. There was this dude that came in some weekends and crossdressed. Everyone knew about him but left him alone because he didn't bother anyone. One night, for some reason, I had a raging hard-on and would have stuck my dick in anything. I went to this faggot's room and said I needed to check out something with the AC unit. Once inside, I started groping him. He told me to stop and said he wasn't gay and just liked the feeling of being dressed as a woman. I didn't really care. I just needed to fuck something, anything. I pretty much forced myself on him. I told him I had his address and I would call his wife if he ever said a word about it. For being a 42 year old man, his ass felt amazing.
>>708418400
I feel like I heard a similar story, but instead of a frozen tube it was a jar.
if anyone has the video that would be great
>>708450031
>pic related
>>708416897
> too late I am cum
wat
I get my dog to lick my pussy sometimes
>>708433004
I've done this multiple times with current gf. Always with a rubber on though. Not like a fetish, we're just very attracted to each other.
>>708448416
Fucking retard. Can't green text and raw dogged a cousin.
>>708418933
fuck
when I was 13, I tied up this girl that was 12 with a jumprope, then beat the fuck out of her.
By the time I was done, her lip was split, her wrists were bleeding from the rope cuttin into them, one of her eyes was swollen shut, she was missing two teeth, her small tits will entirely black and blue, her pussy was bleeding, and I’m fairly sure that several bones in her feet were broken.
When I let her down, she crumpled on the floor and went into a fetal position and just hugged her legs to her chest and sobbed quietly.
I suddenly got very aroused seeing that, so I pulled out my dick (I has actally hit puberty 12, and was hairy, balls dropped and everything functioning) and started jerking off quietly. Eventually, I started to breathe harder, and she noticed what I was doing, and she just looked at me with this look of absolute horror on her face.
It was at that moment that I climaxed and sprayed probably my biggest load of cum ever all over face and chest.
Then, I picked up her torn shirt from the ground, wiped off my dick and tossed it to her.
I told her to clean herself up and that if she ever told anyone, I would go to her house and kill her while she slept, and that if anyone asked who hurt her, she should say a bunch of highschool kids did it.
When I think back on it, I think she was the first girl I ever loved.
...god I’m fucked up.
>>708415266
I tried to put my dick into my aunt's asshole and I missed and there was pre-cum on my dick, and now I'm hoping she ain't preggers
>>708418933
cancer
>>708449881
someone actually took the time to write this
>>708451410
kys
>>708415266
I got a big ol stiffy and just started rubbing at it until it sneezed.
>>708431939
can you link me the louis ck skit?
Bump
You son
I let my friend's sister step on my cock when I was 12, saw her last month and she got preggo, turns out her new BF likes cock stomping too
>>708451410
pasta
>>708416376
Same. Sent her a pic on "accident " instant regret
>>708421344
Minor kek, nice dubs
>>708424407
kek
Raided my sister's PC for her nudes, which I've kept, jerk off to them all the time. Used her dildos to get off before as well
I surprised my GF by taking a shit on her chest once, almost got my ass kicked
>>708451410
wtf
>>708415679
> burgers
> laos
>>708453345
I paid a girl to shit on my girlfriend's chest, somehow, the magic was gone
