What the fuck is this?
The stories and information posted here are artistic works of fiction and falsehood.
Only a fool would take anything posted here as fact.
Only a fool would take anything posted here as fact.
What the fuck is this?
Tardigrade
Water bear
>>707499489
Tardigrade
>>707499489
Whatever it is you DEFINITELY dont wanting it slapping your gfs ass
The Thing That Cannot Die.
Seriously.
You can super-heat them, super-freeze them, put them in outer space, bombard them with radiation, etc.
They will not die.
Vacuum cleaner bag.
>>707499489
Oh, what is that? What is that. Fucking what is that... seriously, dude. It's only a motherfucking TARDIGRADE, one of the most BADASS microscopic motherfuckers to ever roam this shit-fucked mudball we call Earth.
Tardigrades were discovered for the first time in 17-fucking-73 by a german motherfucking pastor named Johan Goeze. Scientists officially dubbed these bad motherfuckers "extremophiles" because they can fucking survive in the most extreme shit, you have no idea.
They are born full-grown adults and pretty much never die. They were here before the first fucking humans, they were here before the fucking dinosaurs. They reproduce by having the males just fucking jizz all over the females.
They can survive in almost absolute-zero temperatures, are almost totally indestructible and don't give a motherfuck about anything because nothing can even come close to HOLDING THEIR GODDAMN JOCK.
Don't you ever post a motherfucking TARDIGRADE on this fucking board when you don't even know what it fucking is. It came before you, and it will be around long after you're gone, and you are nothing more than an insignificant speck of dust in its eyes. You're a dead man walking.
You best be fucking grateful they're small enough to fit under your thumbnail because if they were any bigger they'd be fucking your shit up and stealing your girlfriend right now.
Bitch.
>>707499489
MicroRhino.
>>707500786
kek
>>707500786
>Tardigrade
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Tardigrade
an elephant
>>707501791
It's true though. "Water bears" cannot be destroyed.
The one true ruler of the world.
>>707502097
Its not true dumbass
>>707500174
Kek
>>707502097
They can though... Don't act like they're the end all be all, they can be killed. It's just difficult to do it
>>707502169
Temperature – tardigrades can survive:
A few minutes at 151 °C (304 °F)[36]
30 years at −20 °C[37]
A few days at −200 °C (−328 °F)[36]
A few minutes at −272 °C (~1 K, −458 °F)[38]
>>707502097
If you shoot them with a gun, they will die.
>>707502330
Nah man theyve been shot by smaller bullets so they've built up a resistance
>>707502256
my lighter killed lots of waterbears
>>707500037
have you tried to eat them
>>707500061
NOOT NOOT
>>707501791
Also, nobody knows what kind of fucking thing it is. Like it's not an insect, mammal, whatever. There's no philum or genus. Just fucking tardigrade. Their ability to withstand freezing and radiation have led scientists to surmise they might be extraterrestrial in origin. What they're not telling you is they're barely visible.
>>707499489
This is a microscope image of the smallest known Combine synth.
One just crept up on me while i was posting and i knocked the fucker out in one punch. Tough my arse
>>707501791
>if they were any bigger they'd be fucking your shit up and stealing your girlfriend right now
I don't have a link, but I remember reading an article about how if they were any bigger they'd be fucking your shit up and stealing your girlfriend right now.
>>707503806
So it came from space maybe?
>>707499489
I don know, but I think it is a kind of microscopic worm
>>707504872
kek yeah its always that eventually
>>707502306
>Tardigrades are notable for being the most resilient animal: they can survive extreme conditions that would be rapidly fatal to nearly all other known life forms. They can withstand temperature ranges from 1 K (−458 °F; −272 °C) (close to absolute zero) to about 420 K (300 °F; 150 °C), pressures about six times greater than those found in the deepest ocean trenches, ionizing radiation at doses hundreds of times higher than the lethal dose for a human, and the vacuum of outer space. They can go without food or water for more than 30 years, drying out to the point where they are 3% or less water, only to rehydrate, forage, and reproduce.
Fuuuuuuck. These things are bad ass!
>>707503806
>>707504505
They have also been taken up to the space station... guess what? ....they can survive in the vacuum of space.
So, no joke, that is one theory... that they are straight up fucking space aliens.
>>707499489
The oldest living organism on earth.
>>707500786
Well Shit.
>>707505156
not even close to the oldest, but they do kind of fire up the imagination
>>707502330
>they will die
Are you retarded? Or just playing they have grown to be bullet resistant to the point where they are bullet proof
DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE FACE OF MERCY?
>>707502330
thats a big water bear
IDK, but I think I saw one crawl out of my toilet today.
Water bear meat has fucktons of proteins. You only need to harvest a good 200 million of them to get enough for one meal. Only thing I eat, I swear.
Do you homos even lift ITT?
>>707506797
Fuck you no way I'm going to eat my pet, you monster1
http://www.phstalk.com/index.php?page=list&show=seniors
>>707503216
fucking jej
>>707506797
do u has a baleen?
>>707508318
noot! noot!
>>707508675
noot! noot!
>>707499489
>Tardigrade
YOU HAVE BEEN VISITED BY THE TARDIGRADE OF INDESTRUCTIBILITY
POST 'NOOT NOOT' IN THIS THREAD AND YOU WILL FUCK SHIT UP AND STEAL PLEB'S GIRLFRIENDS
>>707499489
it's a rare chaotsu, quick catch it!
Thanks b
>>707509509
gobbler...kek!
>>707509392
noot! noot!
>>707509509
The Lamp. It's too far.
Some professor found some tardigrades in a dried sample of lichen that was put in a bottle over one hundred years ago. He put the samples on fresh lichen with water, and not only did they revive, but started reproducing.
It's a good thing they don't eat people, and we've probably all have had tardigrades pass through our systems.
They're very common in waste water treatment streams. They're called "water bears" because they sort of lumber around like a bear when you're looking at them under a microscope.
thanks /b/
this is the laugh I needed today
>>707506291
For you
>>707500037
Lol they can be easily killed with pollution and low pH-levels.
>>707500037
Eventually they will. They can withstand extremes but not for extended time.
>>707504195
Laid that fool out!
>>707511681
>Lol they can be easily killed with pollution
kek, tardigrades are very common in activated sludge--a waste water treatment process-- which could be considered super concentrated pollution.,
>>707500037
>life span of about a year
lol.
what else they do ?
they kill ?
they play vidya all day ?
they masturbate to oriental cartoon ?
>>707512601
cryptobiosis. all metabolic activity pretty much stops..
>>707512523
we had 5? what was the others besides the meteor kill dinosaurs?
>>707499489
It's a Retardigrade
>>707502306
You just listed several ways to destroy them.
>>707512601
They eat plant material and shit, and make new tardigrades.
That's pretty much all they have in their day planners.
>>707499489
A platypus
>>707512814
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Extinction_event
Possible causes include extreme volcanism, major climate change, and meteor impacts.
>>707512814
http://www.bbc.co.uk/nature/extinction_events
There's a song by Cosmo Sheldrake about them.
>>707513143
can we make genetics changes and make it eat human flesh and reproduce at higher speeds ?
>>707513327
>>707513421
Damn Leo was right! CLimate change is real. I will see if I can get like 5 mins facetime with him next time he is at Largo and let him know he is doing a good job.
>>707513496
Thank God some nobody wrote a song.
