Hey /b/. I have a story to tell. It involves retards. Interested? Let me know and i'll post.
> Be me
> Be 18
> Attend shit High School
>Full of shit students
> But there is one I think is more shit than some.
>Let me describe him /b/
>Ginger,Messy hair (never showers),Smells god awful,Talks to himself,Very violent.
>Begin the story?
Lets do some background first.
>Attend a shitty middle school (preceeds shitty high school)
>Kid sits by me
>Begins muttering to himself
>Ask him what's up with him
>"What's up with me? I'll tell you!"
>He screams like no other
>Entire caffeteria is silent except for screaming tard
>He goes on a rampage,tearing apart cafeteria
>In reality he runs around throwing food
>Teachers try to stop him
>One grabs him
>Fails, as tard strength prevails
>He knocks the guy out
>He stands triumphant
>For a moment he seems badass
>For a moment
>Thats when he shits himself
>Oh god the stench.
>Molten shit drips out of his pants legs
>Suddenly a wild coach tackles him
>mfw coach got fired for it and kid got off scot free
The Chronicles of Dylan: The Return
>Still 15 at the time
>Guess who got transferred in?
>You guessed it
>In comes Dylan,picking at his skin
>Desk next to mine
>Decide to fuck with him a bit,seeing as how explosive his personality is
>Explosive,as in a crazy jihad sand-nigger
>Teacher does his thing
>Everything is normal
>Till Dylan gets tired
>He tries to sleep
>Teacher wont let him
>Dylan gets up
>He picks up his desk
>He throws it,while screaming
>Hits a chink that sits near front of room
>Ended up breaking her collar bone
>He runs out of class laughing
>Stripping down as he runs
>School looks for him
>Can't find him
>3 hours pass
>Ask to go to bathroom
>While in there, hear a noise
>You know the ceilings that are made of panels that pop up for easy maintenance?
>He was in the ceiling
>I notice something else
>He has a knife
>Bolt out of there
>Doesnt believe me
>Force him to go
>As he enters the bathroom,Dylan drops from ceiling hole
>Lands on floor facefirst
>Turns out those things dont support weight well
>He blames me for making him fall
>Teacher escorts him out
>I notice hes still naked
>Laugh a little,at his predicament
>Teacher thinks I started this
>All I did was laugh
>Try to explain this to parents
>Plot for revenge
tard stories thread?
>2 new kids show up
>a full retard who can't keep his head up, and his qt redhead sister
>sister plops him down on the chair like a bag of groceries right next to me
>Proceeds to drool all over the table for the entire 1.5hr session
>I mean his whole area is covered in drool
>drool dripping down to the floor like a Facial Abuse video
>I can smell it
>This happens for a week or so and then he stops going
>never saw him again, maybe he died
>mfw sitting next to him
>Finally back in class
>Put plan into action
>While he's at lunch, I swipe his phone
>No lock on it
>Rig the phone to play a song on loop
>The entire moonman album
>Change his password to faggot
>Password hint? "You" (had too)
>Now his phone is locked up tight with a moon man song set to loop in 15 minutes
>Hide it in his bag
>Wait for my glorious revenge
>We are in class when it happens
>"SICKER THAN YOUR AVERAGE NIGGER KILLER"
>"TWIST NIGGERS HEADS OFF"
>He's flailing around trying to turn it off.
>He begins to cry as the chorus begins
>"MOONMAN MOONMAN CANT YOU SEE? SPICS AND NIGGERS NEED TO HANG FROM TREES"
>He gets suspended for 3 weeks for hate speech
>Such begins our rivalry
yes retard don't ever fucking stop. NEVER STOP. DUMP IT ALL RIGHT NOW.
The Chronicles of Dylan: Part 3:
>Be sitting in P.E.
>Sat next to Dylan
>He doesnt like it one bit
>Today we have to run,then we do some dodgeball
>We begin the run
>1 minute in and I see Dylan faking a cramp badly
>He decides to ramp it up a notch
>Begins convulsing on ground
>Screeching in "pain"
>Dont even notice how close I am
>To busy laughing
>Step on him by accident
>On his nuts
>He trips me
>Coach blows his obnoxious whistle and flags us down
>Asks us what the fuck just happened
>I reply honestly
>"I have no idea"
>Dylan claims assault
>Teacher brushes it off
>Run forward with the speed of a thousand angry niggers
>Throw the ball with such force it makes a very audible SMACK, even over everyone talking and cheering
>Where did it hit?
>He falls forward slowly
>Looks at me with such rage and pain at once
>Then he starts to violently throw up and convulse in real pain
>Taken to the nerse
>Everyone scared of me
>Noone fucked with me for the rest of the year
>Except for Dylan that is...
>i go drunk to the train with 3 friends
>see a guy who is pushing a girl that i know
>first i didn't notice the girl than she looked at me with here green eyes
>my friends see me going to the guy (they are ready)
>i give him a kick at his leg he is looking at me and starts pushing me
>i fall to the ground
>he is still pushing me
>i start smiling
>the guy is going off me
>one of my friend gave him a punch at his head
>guy still alive but k.o
>then the police came and they where thinking that we where the bad one
>they start looking at me
>one of them saying you ok
>i touch my face it fells weet
>my mouth and nose where bleeding
>i say yes
Funny my first post in 4chan
>be me 13
>me and my school friends are outside
>we start burning paper
>we go to the streets
>we spot 3 young kids
>friend says i bet you don't have balls to scare them
>me starts burning the news paper
>i go to the kids
>there was a girl looking at me
>a put the burning paper on here hair
>she starts running
>and the friends of here are looking at me and are running to
>i start laughing my ass of
>my fiends are confused and start laughing to
>10 min later police found us
>and we didn't need to stay long because we where 13
The Chronicles of Dylan: 4 : The retard strikes back
>Be 15 still
>Today is math, next day is english
>He constantly takes my pencils y write with
>Had enough of his shit
>Dig in closet
>Find old magic set from when I was 8
>Find what im looking for
>He asks for my pencil
>I give him a pen
>He writes away
>Turn it in
>He finished early so he slept
>He wakes up
>The pen I gave him was from the magic kit
>All his work was written in vanishing ink
>Time was up
>Failed his exam
>Loses his shit
>Gets up to tell teacher about sabatoge
>Swap Vanishing ink pen with real one
>Evidence is gone
>Our english teacher is the one Dylan knocked out a while back
>He smiles as he marks a zero on his paper
>He decides to attack me
>He charges at me
>Stabs me with pencil
>Piece of lead breaks off in me
>Doctors had to remove it
That is not impressive.
This is though
yeah i saw.,
i'm saying though even if we can't permanently fix the problem then we should at least kill the ones that exist.
it's better to have rats coming into the house than having rats already in the house
The Chronicles of Dylan: 5 : Revenge of Anon
>School dance coming up
>Decide to get revenge on Dylan
>Get him a date of course!
>After searching long and hard I find a good candidate
>Some tard by the name of Patricia
>Ask her real slyly if she would like to go to the dance with a friend of mine
>Dont bother telling Dylan
>Dylan goes to the dance every year alone just for free food.
>Now he gets to find love
>Day of the dance
>I get in and watch
>Dylan is stuffing his face with food
>Thats when Patricia runs up
>She squeals not unlike a fat dirty pig
>"I LUB YU DILAN"
>He runs right into the DJ
>Topples a speaker
>Breaks punch bowl
>Tears backdrop for dance pictures
>Coincidentally crushing the girl whose collar bone he broke
>As the dust settles only one thing is clear
>I have my revenge
>Chink got arm broken
>DJ left early
>Dyaln's family forced to pay damages
The Chronicles of Dylan: 6
>Be in class
>Dylan stumbles in
>His stench follows
>Hold back vomit
>He's still pissed off about the dance
>Just doesnt know who did it
>Thank god I didnt tell the tard my name
>He's so pissed its hilarious
>Decide to make him blow up
>Just for keks
>Now in hallway
>Poke him to get attention
>He whisper shouts"WHAT?"
>Ask him how the dance went sarcastically
>He throws a weak punch
>Patricia walks by
>She rolls into him
>He gets very angry
>Pushes her over
>She rolls back down the hallway
>He turns to me
>Tells me to go fuck myself
>Tell him thats not a nice way to treat a wingman
>He slowly puts the pieces together
Dylan part 6 cont.
>"IT WAS YOU"
>He doesnt stop
>Hits a wall
>Doesnt give up
>Gotta give credit where it's due
>Little guy has a fighting spirit
>Doesnt notice the computer cart rounded the corner
>Neither did the one pushing it
>Just some nigger talking on her phone
>Ran him the fuck over with it
>I kek again
>He is so mad he's crying
>He gets up and tackles me to the ground
>Threatens me with my life
>I kek right in his face
>Punchs my balls
>Grabs my crotch and twists
>Full of rage
>He leaves victorious
progress so far.
once story is over reactions will be put in.
Up close and personal for you faggots.
More progress. Just waiting on OP.
>Be me, 11, 5th Class (7th Grade for all you Muricafags, Eirefag here)
>Reading out of Geography book in class about rivers in Africa
>Eoin the Eejet
>Eoin the Eejet is known for going full retard, and nobody knows to this day if he did it purposely or not
>'Eoin, can you read the document on the River Niger?'
>Struggles to pronounce one word
>'The River N-.....n-...niiii-.....',
>'....Nigger is a very-',
>Class erupted with laughter and gasps
>Teacher grabs Eoin the Eejet by the ear and roars at him for his profanity
>Eoin the Eejet pulls himself back off of her grip and falls onto a shelf full of plates, jars and art supplies
>EVERYTHING on that shelf came down like an earthquake in Chile
>one plate full of spaghetti
>Lands on top of her head
>Eoin the Eejet still on the floor after whamming himself so hard on the shelf
>Decide to pick Eoin the Eejet up off the ground because I was sat beside him
>Lift him to his feet before the teacher can obtain her soul again
>Come to realisation that Eoin the Eejet shat rocks in his pants
>'Ugh! Eoin, you fuckin' eejet!'
>Teacher then grabs my ear
>Suspended for a week because of swearing
>Eoin the Eejet got into no trouble
>Eoin the Eejet now a successful lawyer on all the dosh possible
>my fucking face when Eoin the Eejet's future actually turned out better than mine
The Chronicles of Dylan: 7
>So are my nuts
>Go to school
>Today is the day that ginger freak pays
>Rummage around in his bag
>Sure enough the fag till has the phone
>Type in the password(Fag)
>Decide to do what ive done before
>Get another sound file ready to blow
>Gay porn of course!
>Ready the device and plant it
>It goes off
>Much louder than expected
>Heres how it went
>Teacher: Alright kids today we are going to Everf-
>Dylans phone:*grunting*,*panting**slapping* OOOOOOOHH YEAH! GIVE IT TO ME! MAKE ME YOUR BITCH!
>His face goes red
>He does the same song and dance again..
>Till he realizes the culprit
Will continue in the next. You guys are vicious.
And btw, here's what the entire thing looks right now.
I'm OP's friend. Here is my story.
> I transfer to a new school
> I meet OP
> He punches me in the face
> We become friends
> I'm in class and I notice a ginger with greasy hair
> He is talking to himself
> I ask OP if he knew the kid
> He did
> The kid's name was Dylan
> I avoid him
> Time goes by
> Dylan approaches me in PE
> Ask for my name
> I ignore him
> He becomes irate and begins screaming at me
> I regret ignoring him
> He asks again
> I fucking tell
> He looks me over
> Asks me if I like one of our teachers
> I tell him no
> He doesn't believe me
> He grabs me by the throat and threatens me
> He says that he is going to make a baby with that teacher
> Says if I get in the way he'll kill me
> I reassure him that I don't like the teacher after decking him in the face for chocking me
> We begin running our mile
> He follows me
> Follows me very closely
> He is talking to himself the whole time
> He them whispers to me
> I'm scared of what he may say
> He ask for me to help him make a baby with his teacher
> I say no and speed up
> He says I have to and chases after me
> I reach mach 10 speed
> He is still very close behind
> I tell him to go away
> He screams and flings himself on me
> I'm thrown into a wall with him on top of me
> He begins bashing my head into the wall
> He is screaming that I have to help him make a baby
> I get an idea
> I roll over
> I'm on top of him now
> He struggles, but I'm not letting this faggot go anywhere till he is calm
> I feel wetness spread over me
> He... He pissed on me
> HE FUCKING PISSED ON ME
> I tell him to meet me in the teacher's room at lunch
Well, I am new to this kind of shit, so someone might need to help me out with this.
>inb4 called a fucking retard
> I promise to help him
> He calms down and the screaming subsides
> I let him up and we each go to a different bathroom
> I was cleaning his piss off of me
> No clue what he was doing
> Was I going to meet him at lunch?
> Hell no
> Hours pass
> It's lunch time
> Nacho Day
> The GODS HAVE BLESSED THIS SCHOOL!
> OP and I are talking, munching our nachos when screaming begins to fill the lunchroom
> Our teacher runs in, bloodied, and crying
> Her clothes are torn
> She runs to a male teacher and begs for help, her pants torn and exposing her ass
> OH GOD
> Dylan charges in
> He grabs the teacher by her ponytail and brings her to the floor
> His... his dick is out
Dylan 7 cont.
>We begin battle
>He swipes at me with a convenient ruler
>I grab it from his hands
>He grabs my chair and swings
>Connects with my shoulder
>The pain is great but my hatred is greater
>So is his strength
>He picks up a computer monitor
>Not a new age one.
>An old fat one
>He throws it
>Barely misses my head
>Decide to end this
>Grab keyboard and mouse
>Run right at him
>Hit in the head with keyboard
>Smack him with mouse
>Start choking him with cord
>All while gay porn is playing
>School officer rushes in
>Tases us both
>Both get suspended
>Misuse of school property
> He begins thrusting wildly
> Everyone is screaming
> People are crying
> The male teacher rips Dylan form the teacher on the ground
> Dylan FUCKING karate chops the teacher in the throat
> The teacher goes down and is rendered useless
> Dylan starts helicoptering with his dick as he approaches the female teacher
> Right as he reaches her, a football player tackles Dylan
> The football player and one of his friends hold Dylan down
> Dylan is screaming louder than ever
> He is pissing again
> The piss is pooling
> One of the football players lets go, angry that his jacket is now covered in retard pee
>Dylan takes his opportunity
He throws the guy off and brakes for the door
> As he runs, he strips completely
> He runs out of sight
> OP and I run out of the cafeteria
> Principle comes on Speaker
> demands that everyone goes to the auditorium
> We all go
> Principle announces that school is closing early
> Doors open
> Campus police have Dylan restrained
> He is still nude
> They rush him through the building into the nearby parking lot
> As they pass OP and I, Dylan sees us
> He screams I was supposed to help him
> Ignore him
> I'm not getting dragged through the mud for this shit
> They take him away
> The teacher never came back to school
> The football players were suspended for assaulting a retard
> Dylan came back to school after a month
> His one punishment?
> He couldn't go on the class field trip to Jelly Stone Park
> mfw I caused a teacher to be sexually assaulted.
>All while gay porn is playing
+10 keks for you Anon
>chink got her arm broken
Fucking lost it
IF that really happened, and that is a damn big if, and he is legally mentally handicapped, I could believe he would not face legal repercussions, but clearly he's proves to be dangerous to his surroundings and would not be allowed to attend school without some sort of guardian, if at all. At best, anon is laying it on a bit thick.
My tard story:
(donno if anybody's gonna read this, but it's kinda a funny story)
>Be me 15
>This tard gets a crush on my childhood friends (we can call her Ann)
>Can't blame him, blue eyes with black hair, really pretty
>Starts message her everyday
>Like 10 messages every 15 minutes
>She blocks him after he becomes to much
>He starts to message her, through her closest friends
>Finds her on EVERY social media (twitter, wattpad, etc.)
>He even goes to her freaking house
>We run after him and he leaves after 2 hours
>She blocks him
>She tells the teacher and they have a talk with him
>Tard is crying
>Starts to message me
>Asking me what I'm doing
>"Just putting on makeup"
>Me: "Going to a party"
>Him: "With who?"
>Me: "Oh, with Ann and a couple of the guys from our class"
>Him: "Where and with who?"
>Me: You're not invited
>Him: I just wanna know. Can you take a picture of the party?
Come on anon, pay attention. He gave him a vanishing ink one, then switched it out. Are you weak trolling, or is your reading comprehension really this impaired? Are you Dylan? Is this OP's high school reunion?
The Chronicles of Dylan part 8: Beating off at lunch
>Finally back after my exile
>We are not allowed near eachother
>Eating in cafeteria
>My friend(The other guy writing about dylan in this thread)comes and sits with me
>We shoot the shit
>Thats when we hear the screaming
> the nigger janitor is running into the room >Dylan is ass naked again.
>I know you may find it hard to believe, but in his hand..
>Was his dick
>Stroking it rapidly
>Chasing the janitor
>Not the first time he was attempting sexual assault
>Except this time it wasnt caused by my friend
>His Tard guard runs in
>He had to legally have one due to not being safe on his own
>She is a fat nigger and aint fast enough for him
>We now have a wild dylan running around and jerking it
>This is the reason my principle had to resign
>He was forced to do so due to this incident
>He didnt finish on the terrified janitor
>He finished on my friend and I
>Punch him in his dick and retch
This is only the begining my friends
Off by one
That was hilarious to say the least
>After a few days he send me a text again
>Him: Hey, what are you doing?
>Me: I'm with Ann at Lena's place
>Him: Tell Lena to send a picture of you three
>Me: Ew no.
>Him: Come to schools football field.
>Then he just send some pictures of him tanning and 2 videos of him singing.
>Next day he ask what I'm doing
>Tell him I'm going to a party
>Tard ask where it is
>Tell the adress
>He goes there and knocks on the house
>There was no party
/b/ros. just curious. You guys have a picture of Dylan?
I think these fucking awesome stories will be even more awesome if we can put a face to the name naw mean?
either way, keep going. this is is gold af.
DAmn, creating this thing is too powerful for 4chan to handle, i think. Sorry people, but I resign from this job. Let some other cunt do it. I'll just watch the show.
Tits or Gtfo is for camwhores who should be on /soc/, you faggots. Now stop derailing.
Will add you guys as end faggots.
Oh fuck you anon these stories are copied from these(pic related):