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Stupidest shit youve done while horny

The stories and information posted here are artistic works of fiction and falsehood.
Only a fool would take anything posted here as fact.

Thread replies: 309
Thread images: 45
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Stupidest shit youve done while horny
>>
Jerked off on cam w a fat girl from Maryland on skype
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>>707317837
Had sex.
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>>707317837
Came to nigger porn.
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Printed out a pic of my adult daughter and jerked off to it.
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Did meth then jacked my cock for 10 hours straight.
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>>707317837
Jerked off at a family reunion in a back room and got caught by a cousin, she didn't tell anyone but we were both pretty red faced when we went back to the reunion

i was 15 then, butnow whenever i see her we have a laugh about it but it was pretty awkward back then
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>>707318228
Degenrate
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>>707318044
my nigga
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passed the chance to cheat on my girlfriend
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>>707317837
I had consensual sex with my wife in the missionary position for the sole purpose of procreation.
>>
edged for ages, the stopped, and edged again for ages later on that day.

Ended up cumming mega hard and blood came out.
Freaked out, but it was all ok, didnt touch it again for like a week out of fear
>>
>>707318581
fucking animal
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>>707318581
have fun in pokey
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>>707318476
me too anon, sever times and with much hotter and dirtier girls.

One of them was super cool, and probably would have been down for an ass fucking :(
Also, could have fucked an asian chick too, but didnt. double :(
As it stands, i pretty much never get sex.... all in the name of being faithful :(
>>
>>707317837
As a 13 year old lad, i went into my closet to jack off
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>>707318936
Why
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>>707318936
Hot>>707318978
>>
>>707318581
You make me sick.

Mods mods mods
>>
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>>707318884
Rape ur GF/wife

if she tells the cops, lie. She's lying. Ur word against hers.

Win win win win win
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post pics of my wife on b talking about wanting to watch her suck another guys cock
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>>707318581
I was expecting some disgusting stuff but this tops it all
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>>707317837
sucked two dicks
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>>707319187
haha, thats an amazing idea, literally could not fail
>>
>>707317837
Fucked a girl who was bipolar...
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Being the horny 13 year old i was, i came on my face to see what its like for girls.
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>>707317837
put a deodorant can in my ass
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>>707317837
J
>>
Being the horny 13 year old i was, i used to cum on my hand and spread it on my anus just to see what it feels like for men
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>>707319201
Hot
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>>707319370
>>707319473
such a fuckin fgt
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>>707317837
Got a gf
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>>707318884

She's doing someone else if it isn't you, don't be the sucker. Unless she is on drugs that kill her sex drive, she hasn't lost her like of the orgasm, wake up.
>>
>>707318884
>:(
get out!
>>
>>707319621
>fgt

How is middle school treating you? Remember to tell an adult if you're getting bullied.
>>
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>>707318408
WHEEEEEEY

CHECK EM INCESTFAGS
>>
Tied myself to a chair then put a banana(cut in half) in a one-use glove, sat on it and fuckd myself in the ass for 45 min.
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Watched too many squirt vids. Felt the urge to squirt. Peed all over my computer.

>Squirt is pee
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>>707318144
That poor goat
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>>707319730
enjoy ur aids
u trap junky
>>
>>707319894
>felt the urge to squirt.


Tits or gtfo
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>>707318408
Care to post pic of her?
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>>707318441
Did u fucked her later? Also pls post pic may?
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>>707317837
Married the bitch.
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>>707318408
Pic or she doesn't exist
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>>707320143
sounds like someone doesn't know how to communicate with their woman......
>>
Stuck a toy lightsaber in my ass and jacked off with a tube of carmex. The carmex makes your dick tingle
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If anyone remembers that cheerio fucker copypasta....I tried that. It doesn't feel good, even when they get soggy.
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>>707317837
I pulled my belt off and tied it around her neck and choked her out she almost passed out and I came buckets.
>>
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>>707319894
bloochat.com/dadroom
>>
Jacked off while my dog was licking my asshole
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>>707318044
Skype? I'm a very desperate man. I'm also close to MD.
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>>707319976
Yeah... no, not horny enough to do that stupid shit.
>>
>>707319992
I want to post pics but afraid someone here might recognize her.
>>
Jacked off in a port a potty at a construction site in the summer with mildly dirty hands.
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>>707317837
>be me, 20yo
>family vacation with gf
>we stayed in a hotel by the beach
>hope to get a room just for me and my gf to fuck
>get just one room for the family (parents and small brother)+gf
>after a day of beach and stuff, my family go to the beachside to enjoy the night
>i stay with my gf in the hotel
>room just for us
>immediately get horny and start to have sex on the bed
>about 1 hour passed
>after that time we both get relapse and start to fuck in the bathtub
>1 hour passed
>we get rly relapse and start fucking without bed sheets on the bed
>she's hot, horny and rly tight
>i'm fucking her doggystyle when we heard a noise from the door
>and realised that we didn't lock the bloody door
>family opens the door and get me and my gf fucking wide open
>i couldn't stop fucking her
>mom and gf scream
>dad covers brother's eyes and looks desapointed
>even with all this happening i still cum in her pussy
>we still have 2 weeks of vacation.
>>
>>707320650
Do it pussy
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>>707319894
I jacked off my dog... a lot.
Let him lick my glans

RIP Nerón, we had fun.
>>
>>707320713
Picture related it's her
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Jacked my friend of till he came on my hand then jacked my self of using his cum as lube
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>>707320713
>>
>>707320655
Thinking about what?
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>>707317837
Jerked off in the outdoors, got a bug bite on my dick
>>
Came twice, gather my cum, inject my cum up my ass, it was a slimy feeling and got creampied by myself
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>>707320858
I had a botfly in my dick try to beat that fag
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>>707320725
True
>>
>>707320832

Some tiny brown haired woman running a jackhammer at the site.
>>
I fucked my ex while she slept.
She called it rape.
She insisted on coming home with her, she invited me to bed, she fell aslepp, she didnt stop it, we were both drunk

Rape? Nnnnnope
>>
>>707320999
Dem digits
>>
>>707319370
I did the same thing, only during a season premiere episode of King of the Hill where hank takes bobby to the super bowl.
>>
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>be me 7 years ago, 12
> hear from middle school friend that choking makes people orgasm harder
>mfw
> got home and ran to the bathroom
>took off my underwear and tied it around my neck
> began rubbing 3.5 inch pencil
> begin feeling dizzy from underwear choking me
>hear doorknob jiggle and in walks 2 year old sister
>freak out and jump off toilet
>still dizzy + legs feel asleep
>fall
>cock still slighty erect
>allaroundmearefamiliarfaces.jpg
>bang head on wall
>blackout
>wake up in hospital

It took my dad 5 years to stop laughing
>>
>>707319201
Ive posted her name several times
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>>707321078
Fucking kek
>>
>>707320933
I had my dick in a botfly try to beat that fag
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>>707320650
Just block out the face, Dude.
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>>707318228
Sick fuck, get out nigger lover
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>>707320713
Kek
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>>707320713
What did they expect? I mean 20yo weeks of holidays with gf? They should have give you both am own fucking room.
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>>707321204
The pic is of her face. I even took video of me shooting on the pic.
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>>707320858
I did it too. Came in the bushes buckets
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>>707321195
Toché sir
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>>707318228
Hardcore sexted a co-worker, immensly awkward the following day at work
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>>707321387
what's your opinion on biological TWINS?

http://www.xvideos.com/video254208/urine_twins_at_the_rave
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>>707321347
That's quite a predicament.
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>>707321078
>allaroundmearefamiliarfaces.jpg

i lost my shit
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>>707321387
Circumstances/story?
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Stuck BB pellets down my urethera until they wouldn't come back out
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>>707321184
VaneszA
>>
>>707318581
Mods!!!!

I've heard and seen some sick shit on 4chan in my time but this is just crossing a limit. Fuck you!
>>
>>707317837
a year or two ago I was in this funk where I hadn't slept with anyone in over two years and we desperate to get my dick wet again so I started browsing the casual encounters section of Craigslist and met this 63 year old woman who sounded desperate for attention. We end up fucking after we meet and my god she smelled old and everything was saggy. I busted a huge fucking nut, but was immediately overcome with shame and regret fucking someone older than my parents.
>>
Login on Omegle and bust a but to a JB..and they like to watch me
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Bump
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>>707321297
Ikr? I guess it's because she was 18yo at that time, and my parents were kind of conservadorists.
>>
I hang out in bars around military bases and hook up with the wives the wives that get all cock hungry when their husbands or boyfriends are on deployment.

I feel bad that these ignorant fuckers are trying not to catch a bullet in some godawful part of the world while the love of their lives is getting pounded, but on the other hand who else can say they dumped a load of cum in a captains wife's mouth...
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>>707318228
bait
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>>707322180
What's the worst shit some of them have done, cheating wise?
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>>707322180
I'm near Ft. Benning. I know the feels
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>>707322639
Stories?
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anyone wanna use her mouth as a cum dump
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>>707322180
What, apart from cheating?

Okay, not my story, but here you go. Faggot corporal goes overseas for 10 months. Gets a bullet in the leg. Flies home, urgent. Girlfriend is 8 mths preggo. GF convinces corporal that kid is his, that just before he went on leave she froze a condom of sperm and impregnated herself 2 months later as she was worried he was going to die. He bought it, until the kid came out black. Apparently it was a 50/50 chance this'd be the case.

I spent a week shacked up with some naval guys wife. He was out on some wargame training shit, commanded his own frigate I think. Anyway, the night before he got back she insisted on wearing his jacket while we fucked, and she jacked me off over his ribbons. I have no fucking idea why, but she seemed to be into it.
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>>707322868
its my biggest fantasy to watch my girl suck someones cock and gargle on a sticky hot load of cum
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>>707322928
Wow that last story is hot as fuck.
What a horny little slut.
Love shit like that.
>>
>>707322353
I think one of the reasons military wifes are so cock hungry is because they assume that their boys are fucking anything with a pussy overseas, including each other.

It's like the very night that a platoon or whatever travels out the bars are full of mid 20's - mid 40's women wearing next to nothing, willing to do next to anything, with next to anyone.

It balances out. Pussy dries right up when the boys are back, but the brass never keeps them home for long, and you can almost smell the hungry pussy on the night air.
>>
>>707322868
anyone wana let her know i want her to cuck me>? leave me your email and ill email u her info
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>>707323250
1 week at most without sex is all it would take.
Love thinking about those cock hungry wives getting pounded while their husbands are away on service.
>>
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>>707322928
Ur sooooo going to hell.
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>>707320713
>>707322075

Post more of her. Dayum
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>>707317837
came in my stepdaughters panties.and put them back in her drawer. she blamed her brother for going through her shit and it was a shit storm and all the while im like dont get caught dont say anything....
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>>707323411
say hello to obama for me
>>
>>707323585
Nice!
>>
>>707321058
yyyyyyea its rape
>>
>>707323411
Why? I'm not married, I'm not cheating.

Not my monkey, not my circus.

I'm just a simple guy taking the pussy that's available as any red blooded cunthound would do.
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Fingered my dog
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>>707323857
Did any of them have children with their partner at the time or all young couples?
>>
>>707317837
I let a 62 year old man fuck my 28 yo wife.
Shit was crazy hot tbh
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>>707324138
Story/pics?
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>>707323976
Some had kids, some didn't. I didn't meet the kids or anything, and obviously they weren't that interested in me being Uncle Anon visiting while Daddy is away.

But it's not a huge town. Occasionally I'll see someone out shopping or having lunch and they'll have kids or hubby with them, and I'll realize that I've fucked her before. It's bad form to acknowledge it though.

>Morning sir. Lovely weather today. I commend you on your wifes ability to take it up the arse without lube.

Sometimes shit will get a bit weird, like she'll see me and start acting all funny. I reckon some of the husbands/bf's have an idea that I've been balls deep in their significant other, but like I said, they've been balls deep in their "brothers in arms" so who's to judge.
>>
i fucked a 400 pound fatgirl, that messaged me on OKCupid.

she was the single worst lay i have ever had in my life, total deadfish. she refused to suck my dick, wanted me to eat her out, farted so hard she stank up a fleabag motel room and i had to get another one, then tried to ransom money out of me to buy her kid lunchables.
>>
>>707324193
Not posting pics but:
Met the guy on a pantyhose fetish site. We traded pics with him for a while and Skyped and whatnot for a while. One night we met up with him in a hotel.
The wife wore like a nothing silk slip and brought every pair of stockings and pantyhose that she owns.
We meet up and start drinking for a while. After we get a good buzz on, she starts modeling her pantyhose for us. Like letting him pick out what he wants her to put on and then she would just walk around the room, sit in his lap etc.
After a while, she tells him to take his clothes off. He's totally naked except for a pair of white pantyhose. She straddles him like a stripper and starts playing with his old man cock which was comically small, like 4" totally hard
>Con't
>>
I was working in a country town, made friends with the owner of the hotel I was staying at. We'd get smashed, tell war stories. Got really chummy over a few weeks.

>Long story short. We got absolutely shitfaced on booze and crack one night. His 16 y/o daughter took a hit, went horny/crazy as fuck. We both took turns fucking her for two days.

Fucking incest. I regret it now, and have no idea how fucked up their relationship is, but at the time she had a sweet ass, was good to go, and just like the fucking energizer bunny she kept going and going and going.
>>
>>707319305
Are you not supposed to do that?
>>
>>707324548
This is the dankest story.
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>>707317837
tried to fuck my sterilized female dog. 3 times. never managed to enter, though she does seem to enjoy fingering.
is it even possible to insert a cock into a sterilized dog?
>>
>>707324647
Originally we were just planning to like fuck around, but she was super horny and I said she could do whatever she felt comfortable doing.
So they go to the bed and starts rubbing his cock with her pantyhosed feet. After about 5 minutes she rips the crutch of her hose and slides on top of him.
She rode him for a few minutes, then climbs off and gets on her back, legs wide open and starts going "fuck me daddy!"
So I watch this overweight, bald old man with a tiny dick climb on top of my wife and fuck her like he was going to the gas chamber.
He fucks for about 10 minutes and cums all over her stomach.
I guess the fact that he was old enough to be her grandfather is what made it so hot for her and me.
We still talk about it and role play it sometimes, but we haven't done anything since then
>>
>>707324755
How did it turn into fucking?
>>
I let a girlfriend pee on me why she was fucking me cowgirl.
>>
>>707321078

Whenever you finally get married, your dad is going to tell that story in his speech.
>>
>>707325178
Hot that she was so into it.
Did he look like he was enjoying it?
>>
>>707325015
why not? they don't stitch it shut.
>>
>>707325277
Oh yeah, it was like his ultimate fantasy come true.
I thought he was going to have a fu king stroke or something
>>
Maldona
>>
>>707317837
Inserted 4 magnets into my urethra, one at a time. They then snapped together and I had to have the surgically removed.
>>
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>be me
>at uni, had some really kinky sexual partners
>go to sex shop, buy handcuffs, blindfolds, all that shit
>get a buttplug too
>never get to use it on sex partners, but curious about it
>grab massage oil, lube up ass and plug
>start jacking off with my feet on the armrests of my chair, legs spread
>plug goes in easier than expected, keep jerking
>actually feels really good, flex my ass muscles (?) on it
>feels fucking amazing
>cum all over my belly
>trying to clean up, go to closet
>suddenly hear keys jingling outside
>shitshitshitshitshitshit
>autismo roomie told EVERYONE on our floor the last time he walked in on me jacking off
>feel warm sensation in lower digestive tract, plug is starting to push out for some reason
>act quickly
>put on pair of sweatpants and a brotank on, tank inside out and backwards
>blast through roomie right as he opens the door, demoknight rush down the hall to the bathroom
>do a fucking Temple Run slide into shower, cut leg on some tile
>yank off clothes, turn on shower, yank out buttplug all at once
>shit uncontrollably, fucking dining hall food gave me the blastoise shits
>hear bathroom door open, frantically start waffle stomping chunks into the drain and squeezing soap out of the dispenser
>doesn't work, use hands to open drain and do it that way
>shower curtain opens
>my roomie got the RA
>mfw my RA and autismo roomie who blurted out everything to everyone saw me naked, bleeding, and stuffing shit into the shower drain
>>
>>707325377
Did you jerk off watching?
>>
>>707317837
Fucked a trap.
>>
>>707325373
she is medium sized and i never managed to insert a finger further than 2 knuckles, I just hit a wall there
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>>707325180
He had this lounge area behind the bar. TV, couches and shit. Man cave. We were drinking and talking, drugs came up. He said he did meth casual. I said that's cool. He got a pipe and took a hit. Daughter walks in. We'd flirted before. She takes the pipe, and takes a hit. He's too flaked out to care. She brings it over to me. "This shit makes me so horny anon". She's rubbing my dick through my pants while I'm taking a belt. We fuck on the couch, felt like an hour. I finally cum, I'm pretty sure she did too. Her dad is sitting there with his cock out, stroking like a fucking demon. "Let me help daddy". Daddy gets a BJ while I take another hit. Daddy takes another hit while getting a bj. Daddy cums on daughter. Daughter takes a hit, still on her hands and knees in front of daddy. I fuck daughter from behind. Daughter is sucking Daddys limp dick, getting hard again.

So basically in between belts of booze and crack we double teamed her.
>>
>>707325582
No after. Jerked off and came all over her feet
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>>707320741
aaaand that would be gay
>>
>>7073203 you should probably get that checked, cumming buckets: not safe.
>>
>>707325499
lol, sounds fun
>>
I raped two women, not at the same time
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>>707325724
Decent tits and pussy?
Sounds like hick town
>>
>>707323048
>that last story
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>>707325714
push a little harder.
>>
>>707321078
You have an awesome dad.
>>
>>707318581
So did I... She is great and FREE... just had to complement her hair and ten minutes later she on her back begging me to cum in her
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>>707321195
excuse me i beat my dick with a frying pan
>>
>>707318581
you sick fucking anamil
>>
>>707321785
hey, look on the bright side. not many of us can lay claim to fucking someone older then our parents. hats off to you /b/ro.
>>
>>707325724
Savage. Drugs are something else.
>>
>>707325968
Total redneck town.
Excellent tits and pussy. 7/10 face.

>>707326098
Yep. I've never done drugs around my family for that very fucking reason.
>>
>>707317837
Asked my male cousin to suck me off in exchange for being sucked off. Never happened still embarrassed about it years later.
>>
>>707322075
holy shit, dude. how were you not secretly fucking her in the back of the car on the way to the beach. that smile, those eyes, those goddamn perfect tits ... jesus, i'm going to have to jack off just thinking about you getting to see those tits ... you're one lucky son of a bitch. dad should have high-fived you then and there.
>>
>>707324789
Nah they're the definition of crazy fam
>>
>>707321640
>jerked off
>killed the fucking dog
>>
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>>707318581
Jesus Christ

what the actual fuck, anon

I hope you enjoy your reserve seat in hell
>>
>>707321058
>fucked someone while they are passed out after drinking
>t-t-that's totally not rape r-right guys?
>>
>>707319850
there are no dubs

KYS
>>
>>707317837
at a halloween party I went into my crushs bedroom and attempted to sniff her panties.

got caught, our relationship was ruined.
>>
>>707326627Rolling for dubs. Just for you, cupcake
>>
>>707320061
Jesus Christ, can't you just focus on the story, and stop asking for pics of everything having a vagina, you retarded abnormal degenerate disgusting pre-teen ?
>>
>>707325192
That feels so good but it makes a terrible mess. It's best when she can't control herself and accidently dribbles a little bit.
>>
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my gf and i have been together for 4 years and we've never fucked. we were raised christian so she thinks we'll go to hell if we fuck. i want to kill myself
>>
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>>707326953
top fucking kek
>>
>>707324755
>>707325724
>>707325180
>>707325968
>>707326267
lol, clueless fags have never done meth before.

>don't know that meth turns your cock into a cold, shrivelled, useless, little nub
>>
>>707326953
Tell her that having sex is good for the body, it's takes your stress away, it's good, if she refuses, cheat on her
>>
>>707318581
degenerate nigger
>>
>>707326953
>Cucked by God

Is she at least hot?
>>
>>707326328
Shes an average girl you sexless creep
>>
>>707320584
Someone doesn't know the rules
>>
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>>707327465
no
>>
>>707327349
i said it's healthy but she said god punished her after she had sex two years ago so i'm just kinda stuck i guess
>>
>>707321640
Ive been trying to find something to put down there other than ureth plugs or beads... Where can i get BB pellets?
>>
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>>707326907
>>707328093
let me stop you fucking right there dawg
so she fucked with someone before you two were together for 4 years and now shes pretending to be a nun?

you fucked up fam
you fucking cuck get your shit together
>>
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>>707328288
correction: she fucked with someone else 2years into your relationship? and you still with her since 2 years?
>>
>>707328288
no she had sex at a party once two years ago
we've been dating since four years ago
>>
>>707328371
correct

her friend told me about it so i confronted her and she said she deleted their numbers so as long as she isn't talking to those guys anymore i forgive her
>>
>>707328093
>she cheated but won't fuck you
>tfw you're an actual cuck

Give her an ultimatum; this isn't going to get better anon. She either has sex, or she gets dumped. You might get shit from your holier-than-thou friends and family, but it's better than living as her cash cow while she's getting laid
>>
>>707321078
This made me lol
>allaroundmearefamiliarfaces

Slowmo scene of young kid falling in black and white. Finally hits walls

>wasted.gif
>>
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>>707328491
>>707328587
congratulations anon shes a keeper
>>
>>707328627
no we're getting married soon
i forgave her for the cheating because she was drunk so it wasn't totally her fault
like i said before she doesn't have the guys numbers anymore so i trust her
>>
>>707328762
What the actual fuck.
>>
>>707328025
So dump her then. Jesus. There are so many not hot chicks just giving it away
>>
>>707328762
Yeah uhm... I have some bad news for you..
>>
>>707328762
>he's marrying the girl who cheated at a party but refuses to fuck him

You're beyond help
>>
>>707328802
what? we've been dating for a long time now so we've been talking about getting married
at least then we'll be able to have sex
>>
>>707328762
Cuck faggot
>>
>>707328871
i forgave her for having sex with those guys.
like i already said she said she was drunk so i understand that she made a bad choice because of it.
>>
4chan fun fact no. >>707320276 carmex makes your dick tingle
>>
>>707328827
i was joking. she's pretty. nobody like her would ever date me again so i don't want to fuck it up
>>
>>707328918
Bait... Jesus zealot, cuckd virgin.
>>
>>707328762
Good fucking god. Don't marry this whore.
>>
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>>707329076
>those guys
>those
>guyS

now youre just baiting anon
>>
>>707328918
>he thinks it gets better

You'll be fucking for the first year or so.. And then she will be coming up with excuses like headache, want to watch whatever is on tv at the time, stressed at work, too tired, feels dirty from being sweaty... All the while she's probably gonna be cheating on you with some richer, more successful guy, or if you're rich a younger more attractive guy
She's probably already cheating and you're just the backup, the safety net while she rides the cock carousel
>>
Fucked a toilet paper roll with lube in it, I don't even fucking know why
>>
Didn't pull out.
>>
>>707319697
This.

Turned out mine was on drugs. Rehab!

Phew?
>>
>>707320276
There's a thread about this going on right now
>>
>>707319894
>no it isn't
>>
>>707329166
no this is not bait. We've been dating for 4 years and even though she had sex at a party two years ago i forgive her. Her friend said she'd been drinking that night and saw her go into a room with three guys she didn't know. like i said she was drunk so i understand
>>
Add me on snapchat tayla-2485, I'm a 16 year girl looking to meet foreign guys ;)
>>
>>707329076
>forgave her for having sex with those guys
>those guys
>guys
>plural

What in the actual fuck? How did this go from singular to plural? She fucked multiple dudes and not you?

I'm kinda thinking this is b8
>>
>>707317837
i went in dry. it hurt me more that it hurt her
>>
>>707329206
she's not a whore she just got drunk at a party one time
>>
Jerked off with a nudist family in a creepy circle jerk and hit the girl across from in the face with my cum with I finished then let the mom suck me off till I was hard enough to go again. Nobody cared about their daughter getting facialed so horny me put my cock in her mouth next and bent her over to glaze her ass when I came. Her dad and bother joined in while she giggled.
>>
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>>707329373
>>
When 14 tried to inflate a party balloon from inside my ass. After my failed trials told parents my butt was sore from wrestling with my friend. I wasn't allowed to go over there anymore after that.
>>
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>>707329563
>not a whore
>gets a train ran on her at a party with 3 or possibly more dudes
>not a whore doe
>>
>>707329419
multiple is correct i guess. like i keep saying her friend told me that she had been drinking and then she saw her go into a room with three guys she didn't recognize. i know people make bad mistakes when they're drunk so i understand.
>>
>>707318044
Fucking newfag. I was jacking off with girls on MSN messenger before it was even cool
>>
>>707329718
it only happened twice. I warned her though that i'm a strike three kind guy. she deleted their phone numbers though so i know she's not cheating on me
>>
>>707326267
>Yep. I've never done drugs around my family for that very fucking reason.
>i dont take drugs around my family because I might want to fuck them

damn son, you know this isnt a normal problem, right? even for people on drugs
>>
>>707329720
I hope to god you're fucking some ass on the side. No fucking way I'd ever put up with that shit. It's gonna happen again anon. Wecolme to cuckville, population you.
>>
>>707328025

god leave
>>
>>707329861
no i'm faithful to her. we've been dating for 4 years and she's messed up twice. she deleted their phone numbers though so i know she's not cheating on me
>>
>>707319687
underrated post
>>
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>>707329824
This is definitely bait... Kill yourself
>>
>>707329256
no like i keep saying she deleted their phone numbers so i know she's not cheating. she just made a few mistakes and she was drunk both times so i understand
>>
>>707324789
DO NOT stick your dick in crazy.
>>
>>707318427
Did your dick fall off afterwards?
>>
>>707318581
You sick fuck
>>
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I closed my dick in the Holy Bible.
>>
>>707318581
There's a special place in Hell for people like you.
>>
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>>707318581
>>
>>707326805
yes
and i didn't see a no
>>
i took a shit in the capitol building of my state in the middle of a hallway, and hung a Indian flag up besides it with a piece of paper with RIGHTFUL INDIAN SHITTING STREET CLAY in hindi on it on the wall
>>
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>>707318581
>>
>>707317837
>b me
>on vacation with family
>large resort hot tub
>find a spot with a good jet and relax
>feelsgoodman
>all of a sudden I realize I'm really horny
>24/7 family time is taking its toll
>the battle of the bulge has begun
>jet blowing right down swim trunks
>feels like the hot tub is blowing me
>all of a sudden and older couple and my dad come out of nowhere
>too many jets and bubbles to see below the surface
>they jump in
>2late.nickcage
>I came while making eye contact with an elderly man while my dad sat feet away

this is the first time I've talked about it
>>
>>707329569
How old was she?
>>
>>707321078
It is going to take me five years to stop laughing Jesus Christ anon.
>>
i used to cum in my neighbors panties but then i got her pregnant
>>
>>707328025
I have a friend in the same position, except she cheated on him twice while refusing to have sex with him.
>>
>>707324755
>>707325724
First it was crack and then meth? I call bullshit, but thanks for playing

Also this>>707327319
>>
>>707326267
>every fucking redneck ever
>yeah well my addiction to marijuana began to activate my deviant tendencies

Or you're just fucking ill and the consequences barely exist.
>>
>>707329569
Fake
>>
>>707331557
Fruit of the Loom?
>>
>>707328918
Don't get married for pussy
>>
>>707329981
This has to be bait but god I hope it isn't
>>
>>707328762
I predict failure and disappointment. Haha.
>>
>>707331309
Holy shit, I always used to "jack off" using hot tub jets. Felt so fucking good, but I haven't done it in years. Gotta try that shit again some time...
>>
>>707329373
3 GUYS. SO SHE WAS TRAINED ON AND U REALLY THINK SHE DIDNT KNKW WHAT SHE WAS DOING AT ALL?!! Come on man be smart don't let people blame alcohol. Let alone your wife to be
>>
Put a Double A battery up my ass and got it Stuck in there.
>>
>was 16.
>After school with my GF, we had just kissed a lot
>She closes the windows, shuts them off
>Locks the door
>A week ago she told me she'd give me head
>She grabs my pants and starts unzipping
>I say "No, I'm not comfortable having sex in school"
>Gets awkward and she leaves quickly without saying a word.
>>
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Cuck bait
>>
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>>707317837
Told my Internet erp buddy about the dream I had about sucking his dick. I mean, he was pleased about it but I felt like dying the next day.
>>
>>707332105
Dinodaur jogg
>>
>>707332105
come on anon, really?
>>
>>707318228
DEGENERATE-O
>>
>>707317837

jerked off in my car right outside my house with my laptop ... cant remember why i was like 17
>>
>>707332273
>can't remember why I responded to thread.
>>
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>>707321078

great post anon
>>
i search in Youtube sounds of little girls crying, and play them next to sounds of a man moaning, in one point the man said "Whos your daddy?" Came with the force of a thousand suns, feel bad and guilty after a while.
>>
>>707332487
You should.
>>
>>707332085
Still??
>>
>>707321195
I had my dick caught in my fly while chating with an aol bot once.
>>
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>>
>>707322928
Off yourself
You sure as hell aren't going to Heaven
>>
Used my mom's buttplug
Posted my mom on /b/
dont know which one is worse
>>
>>707332683
I have a fly dick and am attracted to robots. Top that faggots.
>>
>>707321078
Fuckin kekd m8 that's amazing.
>>
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fapped to actual child porn
never again
>>
>>707332105
>Shuts off the windows
By any chance are you Portuguese?
>>
>>707317837
years ago i stalked and raped a coworker. never got caught and am fb friends with her to this day
>>
>>707318581
You sick fuck
>>
>>707322928
>can only get easy pickings
>not a nigger
>>
>>707328587
u are trolling us anon. nobody on earth would do that. 1. not attractive girlfriend
2. no sex bc "religion"
3. cheated on you

I have to say that is actually the most pathetic thing I have heard in my entire life.... thats worse than being a cuck hahaha
>>
>>707325499
Nice
>>
Broke into my neighbors house, tied his wife up. Raped him and made her watch.
>>
>>707332992
Or better, depending on your tastes.
>>
>>707328762
She was drunk, and it was her fault. Alcohol makes people honest, true intentions and all that mate. She will never truly respect you and never be faithful. Sorry bro, but your life is going to get harder.
>>
>>707318408
Post it
>>
>>707329373
Bait, no one is this pathetic and doesn't know it.
>>
>>707319370
i did the same but after you come you are not horny anymore so you just want to get rid of the cum
>>
>>707318622
Checked

And dude, you might have testicular or prostate cancer or something.
>>
>be me, 17 y/o virgin
>friday night, parents are gone for the whole weekend
>invite this 8/10 Asian girl over who is really into me
>getting interested in weed, know she smokes so I ask her to bring some
>she comes over, tight ass jeans and just looking great
>proceed to smoke a bowl on my back porch
>afterwards, we decide to play some mario kart wii in my basement
>only like 2nd time getting high, not used to it yet
>getting a little bit paranoid
>while playing bowser's castle I knock her off into the lava
>she says in a very playful way "omg I can't believe you just did that"
>puts her hand on my leg
>immediately jump up from the couch, sputtering
>"o-oh shit I j-just remembered my step dad's getting home soon, y-you have to go..."
>she looks puzzled and kind of hurt, grab her hand and lead her to the front door and out on to the deck
>before she goes back to her car she turns around and says, "well, I had fun anon..."
>closes her eyes and starts to lean in for a kiss
>give her a half second hug and say, "see ya later!"
>"okay, I hope we-"
>shut door on her mid-sentence and go downstairs to watch South Park

Didn't even realize for like 10 minutes what the fuck I just did
>>
>Be 15 bottom bunk in room shared >with younger brother
>me slowly masturbating starts to >feel bed shake
>little brother on top bunk >masturbating as well.
>quickly stand up and ask What he's >doing he replies "nothing"
>tell him not to lie and move covers
>Brother still hadn't gone through >puberty small dick
>tell him I can do it for him, start to >Jack him off, get bored and start >sucking his dick go to bed after a >while
>>
>>707332738
no that nigger murdered two niggers, so basically he has done nothing of significance
>>
>>707329846
kek
>>
>>707333423
Sorry for failed greentext
>>
>>707333213
ohhhh nooo I am feeling with you anon. Tell me is there any happy end to that story? do you have her ciontact somewhere fb or what not you have to get back at her......at least to clarify things what happenend back then
>>
>>707333538
pasta
>>
>>707333892
Pasta?
>>
>>707332661

Nah I got it out by 30 minutes of pushing.
>>
>>707333892
I'm a lurker and don't post, that was my first greentext
>>
>>707325897
Story time?
>>
>>707333779
We had been friends for a long time before that, she was into me for a while but I admit I was kind of a douchebag and immature about it. She was pretty pissed about that incident understandably and a few months later I apologized to her for treating her poorly as I was going away to college and we agreed to stay friends. Just moved back recently and we're sorta friends still but she has a boyfriend of 3 years now. He's a really chill dude so I wouldn't try to interfere since they seem happy but if they ever break up you bet your ass I'm moving in for the kill ASAP
>>
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>>707329824
Son, are you familiar with the movie Forrest Gump?
>>
>>707329563
Not sure if bait or real autism...
>>
>>707317837
Masterbated with regular pen ink, hard as f to remove and not very pleasing at all.
>>
>be me
>be 16
>still a virgin
>friend tells me post coistus naps are the best
>go home
>get completely naked cuz thats how I sleep
>jack it
>buckets of cum
>let myself fall asleep
>best nap
>wake up to family yellig and crying
>clean up, get dressed, go out
>they all stare at me then leave except dad
>guess they all had seperately come into my room without knocking while I was passed out, naked, and covered in splooge
>super religious family
>they kicked me out the next week

feltgoodman.jpg
>>
>>707333213
ROFL
>>707333779
queer
>>
>>707334722
>"I call it The Nightcrawler."
>>
>>707334162
>I'm a newfag
>>
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>>707334804
Fuck yeah.
>>
>>707317837
Came inside
>>
>>707334999
checkd

They hated me. My dad came into the place I worked, while I was working, to yell at me about watching porn.

Awkward as fuck, glad I got out when I did because I was starting to become one of them by the end.
>>
>>707335179
Do you feel sorry for him? Wish I could have seen their faces as they oogled you one at a time and pretended it was life changing.
>>
>>707319409
This, but I used screw drivers.
>>
>>707325744
cuck
>>
>>707335179
Did you have a good chuckle with your workmates?
>>
>>707335877
>>707335881
This kills the thread
>>
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>>
>>707335713
No, fuck all of them. I hope they still talk about t with horror and disgust.

>>707335889
Oh absolutely. It became sort of a running joke. Whenever a customer was mad they swould say, "Anon you're pissing us all off with your disgusting habit!" quoting my dad.
>>
>>707318144
Gross, get out you sick Fuck
>>
>>707336117
They weren't disgusted. They were a group of 11 yo finding a playboy and pretending to be grown ups.
>89
Tits.
>>
>>707324138
wtf lol why?
>>
>>707336350
Lol you think they were into it then?
>>
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Stupid shit done while horny
>watched all the hentai and tentacle porn i could get my hands on.
>watched all the beastiality basically started with horses, then to dogs, and stopped when all that was left were goats.
> stuck tip of a hairbrush in my ass just to see if i enjoyed it and was gay; im not.
>jerked off on the toilet after shitting out of no where.

Never give a teenager access to the internet, just dont, ok?
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