So I'm killing myself later this week. There will be no live streams, there will be no pictures.
My birthday is Friday. No one forgot, I've got friends and family. They all want to go out and wonder what my plans are. I just tell them that I'm staying in.
I don't want to live to be 23. I've been contemplating suicide since I was 12 and I've been planning this for months. I quit my job, Donated all my money, am gifting all my valuables, and I've wrote my note.
I've ordered my supplies - expedited shipping. They'll make it in time for my birthday.
I've thought this out and I've come to the conclusion that it's no more selfish for me to end my life than it is for others to expect me to stay alive for what I believe is their benefit. Why should I have to suffer to avoid their suffering, especially since theirs will be acute when compare to mine? They'll be shocked and it will cause them great pain, but the chronic nature of my ailment has allowed me to justify my actions.
You see, I've tried to fight this sadness. I've taken an array of different antidepressents, antipsychotics, and anti anxiety meds for the last 7 years and none of them help, even in conjunIon with therapy, counselling, and out-patient treatments. Hell, I've even tried to commit myself telling them i will hurt myself or others if they let me leave the hospital. As you can probably tell they didn't let me stay.
I've told none of my friends or family of my plans. This isn't something I'm doing as a cry for help or the attention of my peers; this is to end my suffering. I don't want anyone to stop me or try to talk me out of it.
I'm checking out and this is my goodbye to you, anons. The people who I've spent so much time with since the age of 13. I don't love myself, but I love each and everyone of you (except the mlp fags). 4Chan has been my home away from home for a long time. You've all brought me comfort and joy, feels and baws, and have given me a sense of community I've never felt anywhere else. Goodbye my friends, and pray for me. Wish for my safe passing and an end to my sickness.
Also, general feels thread.
Suicidal Feels thread. I want to feel.
fuck. dude just see a therapist once please, just please please try to see if this isnt the right choice, you have so much more. im 51 years old and trust me it gets better. you can do it dude, you can pull through. I've been there.
fuck you cunt. don't fucking do this to him.
Pictures are of my angel... I hope this won't hurt her too much...
She is so beautiful. She looked so silly in this wig. .
She's not the only thing you have to live for. There's so much more. please anon, i care about you. It might not seem like it but i really do. I know how you feel, but it will pass and better things, people, places will come to you.
Apparently you have no idea how helium affects the body. Ill be unconscious within a minute. There will be no time. I chose this method because its peaceful, clean, and won't leave my body entirely mangled.
I want my mother to be able to see her baby boys face when she puts me in the ground.
Please, don't do this to her, don't do this to yourself. My 20s were the worst time of my life. It can get better and it really does. i care about you anon. Don't make this mistake. Please.
Don't try and white knight me. My mind is made up.
If you can't be supportive then scoot. You're not wanted here.
I know I have more than her. I'm not killing myself because of her if that's what you think. She still is very much in love with me.
>So I'm killing myself later this week.
>I've been contemplating suicide since I was 12 and I've been planning this for months
>later this week.
>contemplating suicide since I was 12
>planning this for months
Notice the pattern? It's not going to happen. You're simply afraid to confront the prospect of deciding a future for yourself, so you decide you don't need to worry about it if you off yourself instead. But you're not actually going to kill yourself though, because you haven't killed yourself yet. You'll eventually realize you actually have to get your shit together, and then once you do you'll be kicking yourself for not doing it sooner.
Hire a therapist, get a support network. If you feel like your friends can't understand, then go find new friends who can. You are allowed to be satisfied with life once you give yourself permission.
Don't listen to them anon. It gets worse every year. Life is nothing but one shitty day after another. People only want you around to use you and the ones who are happy with life are the users. It's not worth the struggle to continue.
I know it can be better. There's potential for anything. Hell, I've experienced good times. Life isn't all bad; I know that. I just see no reason to continue. Why were your 20s so bad, anon?
Both of my angels. My son and her. She's not his mother, but god does he love her.
Look, you do you. If this is truly what you want, make it happen.
But before you do, please try to find something good about life- learn something new. Do you feel powerless, like you control nothing? Learn to fix something, or learn to build something. Learn to ride a motorcycle, go buy a $500 special, and get lost.
There is so much in life, both good and bad, that you will never experience by ending it prematurely. You're waiting until Friday, right? What time? Noon, 2PM, midnight? Why not make it a minute later- an hour later- a day- a week later. You've been doing that for a decade already.
You're the only selfish one here.
"Hurhurhurrhur she left me, better go kill myself to prove her wrong"
How about instead you do something great with your life and prove her wrong? Asshole.
i was poor, my family shunned me, got bad grades in college, girlfriend i loved ditched me and effectively stole my apartment and belongings. I got back up and picked up the pieces, slowly, but it's gotten good, i have my own house and a good job. if you just stumble back up to your feet and try life always seems to be pretty good.
>Why should I have to suffer to avoid their suffering, especially since theirs will be acute when compare to mine?
Yeah, I'm sure your son will totally understand why you left him and his mother on their own, and will be a totally grow up to be a well-adjusted member of society.
You sound like you've been in my shoes before?
I've never decided to kill myself before this year. I've been waiting for my birth month. If You don't believe ill do it then why bother posting?
Maybe ill make the news. Check around washington state news sites.
I'm not worried about that. Were still together. We actually live with one another. In the same house. Same bed.
I'm killing myself before the end of the year so I don't have to go get my driver's license picture taken. I've got to get it renewed by then so I'm going to do it some time in early December
Don't leave your son father- (and, apparently, mother-)less. Ignoring the emotional aspects of going into a room and finding your dad dead, you're gonna end up raising a high school dropout leech. Quit it.
You sound like sponsors in NA.
"You wanna get high? Tell yourself in an hour, tomorrow, next week."
I have been doing it long enough, you're right. I'm tired of it.
I wish more people would be happy for me. I'm happy with this decision.
As I've said, we're still together.
That's exactly how I feel.
Sadly my sons mother and I split years ago. We had him in high school.
This is my dog, Isley. He's such a sweet guy. Got a lot of love for him, too.
>You sound like you've been in my shoes before?
I've been depressed before. I've contemplated suicide before, but only to immediately cringe at my own thoughts because it's usually for dumb reasons (friends ignoring me, failing school, etc).
But really, there's no logic in waiting for your birthday. If you really wanted to kill yourself, why plan it out? That's the part that I don't get. The only explanation I can think of is that it's a mental safety net for when you change your mind.
Why did your family shun you, anon? How old are you?
Isn't he a clown? He let me put this funnel on his face just to take a picture..
How you do that? Get all inside my mind and shit?
It could be a safety net. I do have to wait for the helium to be delivered so there's that..
I'm not killing myself for any one reason. I'm depressed. I don't want to go on. I'm suffering. I also have a fatal disease, although its chronic and only deadly in the long term.
He was aggressive towards small animals. I spent months socializing him and teaching him to suppress his prey drive. This picture was to make a huge milestone for him and me.
So, I don't think you should go through with this OP. At least not yet. I need you to live life to the fullest before you decide to kick the bucket. Go out and do all kinds of crazy shit you've always wanted to do (as long as it doesn't impact others). Go explore Europe, fuck some pros, do drugs, etc. After all that, go for it. Make sure you take out an insurance policy beforehand. Leave some money for your friends and family and your angel.
Also make sure you know how to kill yourself with helium. You need a certain concentration of helium to oxygen. If it's too much helium you will suffer before dying.
Best of luck, anon.
PS, how's about posting a picture of yourself? Allow /b/ to be the last people that see you.
Listen to me. I don't care if you believe in the afterlife. I don't care if you believe me. I just want you to hear this: suicide is a mistake. A mistake you will regret. For millennia, humans have looked for some reason to exist, holding on to some hope of life after death. All you need to know os that in the end, we are not judged. We are not rewarded, we are not punished. We are given 2 options. I can't tell you anything else but that suicide erases one of those options, and it is the one that you will want to have chosen. You will regret your decision immediately. You will think back to the moment you did it. You will feel the greatest sorrow of your entire existence, because you know that a life of suffering would be worth reaching the end of the road. As I said, I don't care if you believe me. The decision is yours to make, so make it a good one.
What are you, an idiot? We split bills and have seperate bank accounts. Rents due the fifth and the rest too. She has no idea what I do with my money other than that.
Anyone else notice 4Chan's obsession with street signs lately?
He also climbs trees.
DEAR OP AND ANY OTHER SAD FAGS
Before killing yourself please take a bunch of psychedelics. Mushrooms if you can get em, acid will do too. It won't necessarily make you want to live but it will give you a much more meaningful insight in to why you should kill yourself. It will be a much healthier experience mentally especially if you are religious. If you can find dmt do that.
Listen up you faggot, my father only made it to 4th grade, when he left school he spent all his life later working. He had me, my sister and my mother to feed yet he still manage it, he worked as a scrap metal collector, he had to pick some heavy shit all by himself, he had a shitload of surgeries because of his shit knees and back, but he still suffered all this just to see me and my sister well enough, and an opportunity to have a better life than he had. You are just being a coward, your life might be hell, but your sons life is more important, so man up and help him through life, when you see him well in life, then you have all the rights to suicide. fucking faggot
I've done most of those things. I'm barred from leaving the us, though. My passport is restricted Because of a drug crime from before pot was legal here. Don't most insurance policies void suicides?
I'm not too worried about suffering. I have a two pronged attack method. Heroin and helium.
I already have with part of my face obscured. I will not post more. I don't need you finding my Facebook.
Ill cross that bridge when I get there. I'm not concerned about an afterlife. I'm still in this plane.
You caught me. I'm deplorable.
this is a pretty grim thing indeed and im not trying to talk anyone outa a hard fought thought however there is alot to this shit hole of a home we call earth at least get out and see some of it if you were going to kill yourself then surly taking a full stop to it for a few months would not be so bad i find the more strange and some times questionable a place is the less you think about how shit things may happen to be also not knowing the language your hearing spoken from everyone in the market to the seedy bar you may want to get drunk in to make shit a bit more interesting is a solid plus, get your hands on some drugs again since you were planing this for a while i understand how this can slightly hinder your plans however you should know and experience as much of these sorts of things in your life however short your wanting to make it also if you wanted to spin this into a none selfish act not knocking it it takes some pretty big balls to put an end to all things as you know it but i do see it as selfish unless you go out and say kill a despot a real shitheal in some backwards wasteland to go out in the fullest and do humanity a very clean solid whielst you do. however you do and what ever comes of this i trust in your judgment and know that everyone has a hard uphill fight aginst the monstrosity that is their own mind i hope you find peace one way or another. life has a deceptive way of getting as fun and interesting as you allow it
Absolutely not. I don't want to hurt anyone but myself.
Been there. It didn't help too much. >>707292750
Why wouldn't they? What study did you hear this from? Maybe generally they dont, but if someone is acting out its only right to put them in line.
I've done a lot of shrooms and acid. They're great. I have some cubensies actually on hand.
Tell me about where you've been, anon.
OP here, I've decided to take some of your advice and not commit suicide. I don't know how to respond from my crippling depression but with your guys help I'm sure I will live at least better than I did before.
Release. Not OP, but I feel like trying to explain. For me, at least, it feels like I peaked, in terms of happiness, years ago. Life lead up to that time, and i outlived it, and it's just a downhill slide now. It may level out someday, but I can say with one hundred percent conviction that I will never be that happy again. So why keep going? Why strive for a pale imitation of what was? Why not just stop now? It hurts much less that way.
I'm not going to say anything to sway your Judgement OP. If you want to self destruct, that's your call. More food and Oxygen for the rest of us.
That said, for the longest time I lived for spite if nothing else. Every day I draw breath is another day the people who would see me dead have to put up with my existence. I have since found other things to stay alive for. Maybe you will too. If you don't, remember that someone is going to have to clean up after you. What did they do to deserve that mess?
I feel like the posts asking if I want to kill myself are fbi traps. Anyone else get that vibe?
Of course I get frustrated. I come her asking to be taken seriously. I understand trolls will be trolls and all that, but my anger is not unjustified.
My moms cat, Oran.
>There will be no live streams, there will be no pictures
People who kill themselves are pathetic. They should kill themselves.
Nah man, I'm chill. I'm not trying to make new friends are pal around with anyone.
The mess... That's one thing that i keep thinking about. I feel bad for who finds me...
Hopefully pic is not related
How do you figure? Something is better than nothing. Even if you're not experience what you perceive to be your peak level of happiness (that actually sounds like depression talking) you can still experience things that make you feel good or accomplished or enlightened, what have you. Can't do that if you're dead.
c'mon dude trust me. I am a hell of a weird person and I end up in the most ridiculous situations without even trying.
Just kick it with me, once, and see if your perspective doesn't change. Ever see garden state? It'll be just like that
The real reason these threads are on /b/ every day is (probably) to datamine the average response tone to gauge "mass empathy"
And just in case OP is srs, death in not an escape, do some research for the alleged explanation why.
So one tip for anyone thinking of suicide: stay with me here.
So there are multiple religions correct? Any of these could be right in what happens after death, all could be wrong.
Maybe the Christians are right? Maybe suicide is a 1-way ticket to hell.
Maybe the Buddhists are right and even after you die, you will live again with no recollection and it won't matter, cause youre alive again.
Maybe the atheists are right? After you die, it's the same as before you were born. Nothing.
Now if it actually is a complete nothingness, (the most logical answer, although I would like to think there is a god) them what do you gain from killing yourself? I have not been through hell and back. I can't relate to anyone's position if they are actually living day by day through shit. But I can tell you that we have probably only been blessed with life once. It may not get better. But is it worth it to give up the experience? The probable ONE chance we have been given, to enjoy what we have, no matter what waits after it is gone? Life is a gift no matter how fucked up it gets. I have been emotionally down in amazing situations, and happy in terrible ones at times. I don't know what your shoes are like, they seem pretty stinky right now. But I just want all suicidal people to think twice about it. YOLO in a good way. (Sorry for any grammatical mistakes, typing at 3am on my phone tired af)
Two people have mentioned hurting others in the process.
I've never seen garden state. Post your email. Ill get at you maybe. Where are you from?
Found this toy at a goodwill. I call him ma
ok anon listen here, you say you really want to die but when youre about to actually clock your time card out, youre gonna realize living is actually great. i almost jumped in front of a bus one time, but the pain my friends and family would go through would destroy them. trust me you are loved. as soon as you pull through with it, you will regret it.
take out a big ol' fuckin loan and go out having done anything you've wanted to do.
Eat a whole fuckin bin of 2-bite brownies for dinner. Nothing stopping you from committing any crime whatsoever.
Just do it man it'll be the best mistake you ever made. We'll get into all sorts of trouble.
Also now you have something to do tonight. Download and watch garden state. It might give you some perspective.
I'm from Colorado, but I live in auburn
you just got me thinking really deep
like what is the meaning of life if it just ends
not suicidal or anything, just wondering the meaning of life now
Will not commit crimes or defraud any financial institutions.
I would watch it, but I'm on my phone...
I got you, though.
That was the point. I hated "YOLO". I actually mean it though. You only get one life on this planet, and we have to make the most of it. Anything that comes after is purely unknown. Don't think of it as a retarded phrase. Think of it as an inspirational quote.
We, for lack of a better term, imagine everything we know to exist or can be possible, so the question is, if imagining 'nothing' is as absurd as it sounds, how could this be a possible result of death, in a universe with nearly endless metaphors for infinite recursion in really any place you look?
don't do it anon
don't leave your boy
he'll be fucked up for life
his guidance will be limited
he'll find it hard to function day by day
at least teach him about the wonders life can bring before you set your sail
Top kek you taught your dog to take in a child that is not his own.
GJ you are a cuck trainer.
tell us what its like from the other side...
I can't take anything created by Drake seriously.
No problem haha. Tbh I've been terrified of what happens after death for a few months now. I literally can't get over it. But what's that gonna do? I have no idea what's gonna happen, and cant change it. So i figure let's enjoy life for as long as possible and stay positive.
warning extreme redpill incoming: there is no annhilation just transformation - fundamental physics. this means your karma continues. the chain of problems that is you gets reborn unless you extinguish your karma before you go. how? 40 days 40 nights fast and pray in the desert. simple
I look forward to hearing from you. I don't check it everyday so it might take me a little while to respond, but don't fret about that.
Once you get into some healthy trouble you'll remember why life is worth living.
The thing is we can try all we want to imagine nothing, but no one can. Nothing is impossible to recreate in our minds. It's such a foreign thing to us. Before you were born was nothing. No thoughts, emotions, senses, nothing. But we still can't imagine it cause we have those things.
If you had a son in high school, you're impulsive/unintelligent and the future will be better off without you and the possible continued spread of your genes. Hopefully your son will somehow find a positive influence and not continue the cycle of uselessness.
Hey man! I'm a Seattle native, been in the same boat for a while. Kik me if you're up to it, "Sepake". Otherwise, godspeed and good luck, you seem like a decent person, but it truly is all about you. <3
If all is imagined, then all is one mind, dividing itself in a manner not too dissimilar from our current lives of always looking for the next fix and breaking things down for amusement
people say life is always worse in you 'insert age group here' and it will get better, I have heard that shit for the past 20 years, I don't want OP to kill himself, but fuck that is OP's decision, if I wasn't a coward I would
Once you have a kid your not your own person anymore you are apart of his life and any mistake you make will directly affect your child killing yourself is literally going to fuck your kid up for life
All is not imagined IMO. Reality is perceived. We cannot comprehend what happend before we were conceived. What we think happens after death is based on what we believe. The truth technically cannot be achieved.
I had to make that rhyme.
My ex? She was never anyone I wanted to spend my life with, no. We were in high school and made the mistake of fucking without protection. She said she was on the pill, I didn't use a condom, and my son was born. I love the girl I'm with now.
I really want to know, been struggling with psycholgical disorders since before 10, the first 9 years of my life that I have memory of, is just being raped by several different people, several times a week, I just lost my family, I am losing my house, and I have never realy been able to love anyone despite how far they got out of their way, and how much they do for me.
A very aggressive form of hepatitis c. Its treatable, but then pills are almost 13,000 USD a piece and my insurance will not cover it.
I'm guaranteed liver cancer/failure by my 40s.
I have been guilty of self loathing, and the angsty part, but only before I was kicked out at the age of 14 and had to get a job and find a place to live.
The only reason left that would validate killing oneself would be just downright hate the world and afraid of doing some awful crazy shit that is going to hurt/kill a lot of people
Post nudes of her? Absolutely not. I have respect for her.
Have you considered leaving society in general?
Life is a gift given to you to do with what you please, you dont owe anyone anything and you certainly shouldn't end your life considering you have so much else to experience that could otherwise change you as a person.
If i were ever in the mind set to end my own life, I would buy a one way ticket to south America and never look back. You can live a simple and rewarding life there, no pressure, just nature, friends and you, no bills, no 9-5 job. Its actually amazing and I sure as hell wouldn't end my life over what would seem to be modern societal influences.
I don't think in this way, but would like to know your response.
he wants nudes of her, but you have respect so won't give them to him. Why does it matter if you send them out? Your respect for her dies with you so why not kill it early? Just like you want to kill yourself early?
The US is the only place that it is going to cost so much. I have worked in health insurance for a long time, you could get better coverage depending on the area you live. Health insurance is OP af
depending on how much you make and the area you live, you may also qualify for low cost or free health coverage, if you hit the right income range, your meds could be covered 100%
find a plan with low out of pocket maximum(some plans will have nothing out of pocket period, some plans will have 500-2k out of pocket maximum depending on your income) after you meet the out of pocket maximum you don't pay anything at all
Have you done this?
Because word is bond. When you tell someone something or make a promise, like that I would cherish and respect her, you stick to it.
I have insurance. They refuse to pay.
That's his choice. He's six. He can watch whatever cartoons he wants.
Solid answer to my question. Well i think it's time for me to stop /b/eing on this thread. I tried to make you question your motives /b/4 but you won't budge. I hope you don't do it not my choice though. Goodnight
I was working a 9-5 i didnt like, just to pay bills so i could keep a roof over my head so I could keep my job. It was shit.
I ended up selling everything and going to south america and it changed my entire outlook on life.
The people you meet, places you stay, things you learn and all the countless experiences you have. THE LIVING YOU DO. You meet people in similar situations that just wanted out of society and they couldnt be happier. Humans werent meant to be locked up in cities.
Its changed me as a person and I can honestly say ive never been happier in my life. Im back in society now working a 9-5 again but what that trip did for me changed my world. Changed the world around me.
Dont tap out just yet. You need to do this.
Good night all. Its 1 am and I want some sleep. I will post a thread once I have my equipment with a little update. I hope some of you will be around to see it. There will be pics of my set up for the non-believers.
Good night, /b/ros.
I love you all, even those I insulted.
Good luck OP. Send us a postcard once you get there
worried about the mess? do it on the toilet. loss of bowel and bladder contained, and any other "mess" involved will be more easliy cleaned, as bathroom surfaces are typically more fluid resistant