ITT: Superpowers that are only useful in vague ways or oddly specific situations.
The power to make someone else in the room unable to get the taste of mayonnaise out of their mouth.
the power to fly for only 12 seconds when a chinese man name tsun tsung sneezes 4 ties in a row on the 3rd thursday of the year
The power to make op's everywhere stop being such faggots
>>706988234
That's a really good one.
The power to make people shit their pants
Gaining super strength in a Walmart only when a black guy says nigga 4 times
>>706988663
That's not oddly specific, that's just a Tuesday where I live.
The power to know everything about modern-day computers, but only if you are an Indian.
The power to induce mind-blowing, body spasming and vision inducing orgasms only when people try to punch me in the face.
>>706988585
got another one
power to kill people in one blow but only when 3 asian black people in japan with 5.4 inch dicks that curve 45° to the left get hard and fap to something that isnt weird asian porn and jizz in 3.5 seconds and produce 3 ounces of black tar heroin as cum
>>706988932
Oh, so being a tech support rep.
>>706988932
ya gotta try harder anon
>>706989087
Christ. You should write novels.
>>706988957
That would be hilarious.
Mind reading, but only on grandmas aged 73 years, 39 days, 2 hours, 48 minutes and 27.3 seconds who's name is Patricia and hasn't said a racist comment in 9 weeks and 3 days.
The power to make mentally ill people shit and jizz their pants. No one will believe it was you because they're crazy.
The ability to thicken your eyebrows when in a starting contest with a bearded lady.
>>706988957
i like it.
>>706989391
You are one of my favorite people.
>>706987900
The power to blow something up but it doesn't do anything to physically damage any of the surroundings
Transmute cottage cheese into garlic flavored cottage cheese.
>>706989704
It'd be a neat party trick.
The power to time travel one second into the future every second.
>>706989778
That would be a great snack time way of getting protein.
>>706987900
the power to end your own miserable existence
>>706989391
is this a challege?
the ability to teleport only when a black man in chicago in the inner city area is not saying nigga an said black man must have a small 3 inch long and 3 centimeter wide penis that is bleach white with black stripes (like a zebra) then he must sneeze, fart, and jizz, all at the same time while simultaneously trying to punch his wife and beat his kids. you can only teleport to the worst area in Haiti and cannot teleport back
>>706987900
The power to fly, but only at half of your normal walking speed and you have to be in a legs-out sitting position.
>>706989087
Jon?
>>706989217
Don't encourage him. Dude's a moron.
>>706990089
no this is john
>>706987900
The ability to make phones to slippery to hold on to with one hand.
>>706987900
The ability to survive a high fall, but only between 30-45 feet
>>706990125
im a moron with a semi erotic imagination
The power of very letting out smelly farts but only the hottest girl in the room can smell it, hear it, and know who it's coming from
>>706989217
thank you but that'd be a pretty weird hentai
The ability to predict the ending of a movie, only when Bruce Willis is the star and is dead
>>706989872
Though, in retrospect, it could be used for extra high jumps
Though, the timing on the landing explosion would have to be spot on if I don't want to break my legs
The power to produce ice cream in your hands, but you can only do it while your hands are submerged in water.
>>706990202
Not bad.
>>706987900
The power to make your hair turn into a pompadour of any size.
>>706990250
... Quenton Tarantino?
>>706989087
And you don't get alerted when that goes down, you just have to be punching someone at that moment to know it happened.
>>706988957
So someone just punches you and you orgasm right there and then.
Sounds pretty hot
>>706990043
kek
>>706989410
Kek
>>706990431
This would help me create a weapon to surpass Metal Gear...
>>706990519
no i said this is john anon
>>706990566
It was supposed to happen to the person punching me, but your way sounds masochistically fun too.
The power to shitpost in real life
>>706990551
good job anon! but i mean that was kind of implied. but hey, you got it
Anything I can imagine becomes reality
But I am the least imaginative person on the planet
The power to summon only pizza that has been delivered to a jew who tips over 30%
the power to look like any a-list celeb but only be able to say one sentence
>nobody will believe you
The power to create dank memes but only you can see them
>>706990811
What if we all have that superpower and no one has done it yet.
>>706987900
The ability to revert anything but yourself back to a previous state
the power to breathe fire when you sneeze.
Invisibility, but only when everyone nearby knows you're there.
ability to go back in time but only the amount of seconds as there are gray birds with chipped beaks on hippopotamus's backs.
invisibility in a room with no people
immune to every 3rd bullet that hits your body in succesion
ability to breathe in boiling hot water
>>706991070
thats actually rigged as fuck
>>706991213
We call that playing Spy in TF2
The power to correctly guess how many fingers your holding behind your back
john anon here, got another one.
the ability to jump extremely high, but you must be near an illegal immigramt and they must be white but from mexico. they must be carrying a shovel and a deck of playing cards missing a red king of hearts and he/she must have a family with only one single child. they have to have gotten married at least 22 times with all of their partners names being jaquandishindamcjuan and they have to have contracted chlymidiaids from each one 3 times. after the jump you take no fall damage but you have non stop explosive diarrhea for 4 weeks while cumming 3 buckets all at the same time everyday
Being unafraid of heights when your mouth is completely full of peanut butter
>>706991070
Josuke's Crazy Diamond, try harder
>>706991070
Dude, that's Crazy Diamond, and that's hella useful!
>>706989410
>mentally ill people
That's WAY too loose. Most people have experienced trauma and have repressed something or another. That would then work on most people. Not niche enough.
>>706991532
kek
>>706987900
I have the stupid superpower of being able to find anything in a room in 3 seconds, so long as someone else has spent enough time to get frustrated by not finding it.
It's real useful for pissing off my roommate in ways she can't get mad at me.
>>706991042
impossible niggers are always beating their families
>>706990168
Long John?
>>706990398
Drop sand, use power on sand below feet, achieve flight.
>>706991345
>invisibility in a room with no people
literally steal anything you want from unguarded places, cameras can't do shit, too strong
>>706991493
too random and tryhard. be more simplistic. absurdity is best when paired with a basic premise.
>>706987900
the power to have cheetoes smell in your escrotum when no one is near you
>>706991767
no thiS IS JOHN ANON PING PONG
Ability to make ham sandwiches appear out of thin air and shoot into people's mouths.
The power to have your ass worked over by multiple anons but only every day
>>706991778
Crap, by exposing a loophole in my original post, I made something that is actually useful. Pretty complicated, but still useful.
>>706989704
Start a car without the keys. Destroy a cup, but not the liquid in it.
So many ways to fuck with people. Way too useful to be ITT, but damn if I don't wish I had it.
the ability to give people tastebuds in their assholes.
>>706991803
imagination is best. its not really too tryhard, i think of things like that on the spot
Immortal as long as I'm asleep.
The ability to sleep as long as I like.
>>706987900
The ability to make fucking lame threads on a dying board on a dying site on a nearing totalitarian internet, while sitting in a room alone while the world passes you by, experiencing nothing but simulations of what your life could have been.
The ability to triumph any challenge, but it must be 1:30 pm on a Monday, near a man named Schneckldorf Mephestopheles III, and you have had to obtain a Gamestop pre-order the previous day.
The power to slowly but surely fix the economy, but only when black people get off welfare and get jobs.
>>706991532
>gets on roller coaster
>fuck man i dont know if i can do this!
>whips out skippy squeeze tube
>downs that shit
>picrelated
>>706991962
But destroying the cup would be physical damage
And I'm not sure a false explosion would start a car
>>706992046
Not oddly specific enough. That's every OP ever. Fuck outta here.
The power to be blamed for Bill Cosby's booshwangerbang
The ability to see 10 seconds into the future in a different country than the one you're in but only when a man who has taken a shit within the last hour and didn't wash his hands touches another person's hands or face.
The power to make people feel like they're going to sneeze but they never can.
>>706992270
Then, the condition that op must be totally happy with his life.
>>706992046
Too real man.
The power to memorize anything while you are in excruciating pain
>>706992033
im not saying you can't. anyone can think of things like that on the spot, its just not funny or smart.
The ability to turn invisible but only in a pitch black room
>>706988645
I want that too
I would turn toast back in to regular untoasted bread to make breakfast mildly disappointing whenever I happened upon someone enjoying toast
>>706987900
Ability to turn into a 20 foot nigger by saying "Grow grow negro!"
The ability to double that height by saying "Bigger nigger!"
>>706992500
The ability to play computer games 12 hours a day, rewatch science fiction and comedy series time after time, desperately trying to escape from the boredom of living in a self imposed prison.
Trying out new software and deleting it almost immediately. Wanting to be productive, imagining it but never doing anything. Putting it off for "when the time is right' but that time never comes.
You're older now, you past friends and classmates have forgotten you and moved on with their lives, they make progress all the time, you hear about it some times.
The powder t melt anything you see but only if the room you're in has been 96°F for 6 weeks and you have to cross your legs 36 times in 20 seconds right before you do it
>>706990338
I was just watching that, we got a Cinemax free weekend
being able to teleport but only to an ongoing crime scene where you will surely be detained and shat by the judge and jury of peers
The power to survive eating only pussy ... and then starve cause I get none
The power to put thoughts in other people's heads, but only while they are looking right into your left eye
>>706992268
>The power to blow something up but it doesn't do anything to physically damage any of the surroundings
The cup is blowing up. The surroundings (liquid) aren't being damaged.
And it would. What do you think starts a car engine? A spark kicks all that shit off when you turn your keys.
ability to summon infinite amounts of cash when a black guy named dre graduates from mit
Being able to fly but only when you feel genuinely content with your life.
Each minute you fly, you lose a memory of your childhood, but remember that you have lost it.
The power to accidentally fucked your dad
>>706988234
You almost made me spit out my drink.
>>706987900
the power to control all rabbits but only when naked whilst holding a cooking pot in one hand and seasoning in the other
>>706992063
Name your son mephestopheles whatever.
Give him a barmistsvah so hes a man at 13.
Pre order lots of games and only pick them up on sunday.
Conquer the world.
The power for OP to make a good thread
The power to swap haircuts with anyone that kisses you by surprise
>>706987900
The power to communicate with sea creatures.
>>706993333
this
>>706993371
The power to be so tired of life that you come onto a thread in the middle of the night full of 12 year olds, and respond to them with old age sarcasm, knowing that you'll never have a norm life, that for some reason you are destined to be absolutely alone,,no matter where you go or how many people you'll meet.
>>706993393
Clever
The ability to say nigger around black people, but only after you've gone to the same church as their grandmother.
>>706993356
The power to make this guy spit out his drink.
The power to not cringe at these threads on the 67th of september when Brad is fucking his chicken while trump is getting his dick sucked during a full moon
>>706993565
not even in the ball park
what sarcasm
>>706993698
too easy man
>>706993872
exactly
>>706987900
The ability to make your farts come outta someone else's ass.
The power to have this thread be the high point of your day, and go to sleep happily thinking about the high level wit contained.
The ability to instantly grow a pear tree, but only during a full moon on a Tuesday in an Applebee's parking lot.
>>706992882
>The ability to play computer games 12 hours a day
Try 16.
>rewatch science fiction and comedy series time after time
Rewatching series does nothing for me, to be honest.
>desperately trying to escape from the boredom of living in a self imposed prison.
I tend more towards complacency than not, really.
>Trying out new software and deleting it almost immediately.
I used to do that. Stopped it a while ago.
>Wanting to be productive, imagining it but never doing anything. Putting it off for "when the time is right' but that time never comes.
Nah. I'm fully aware than I'm the only one holding myself back. I've concluded that I just don't want it enough. And that it isn't worth the effort.
>You're older now, you past friends and classmates have forgotten you and moved on with their lives, they make progress all the time, you hear about it some times.
I moved along with my family a few years back and never really talk to the few friends I had, and never speak to old classmates. I deleted my Facebook because I didn't see the value in leaving it up private and unused.
If you're going for something to cut deep, you're gonna need a bigger blade, or at least to aim that scalpel better. 2/10 for effort.
The ability to instantly transfer your full bladder to someone else, but only if they didn't give up their seat to an old lady on the subway in the past 6 months.
Ability to fly but only when your socks are wet and as they dry the slower your flight speed
what if ability's,
were us.
>>706990039
Does it count if it is black with white stripes?
The ability to instantly commit suicide with no pain, but only when someone tells you to.
>>706991451
I like you anon
>>706994432
Too easy.
>go on /b/
>post banana
>get told to kys
>>706994214
>>rewatch science fiction and comedy series time after time
>Rewatching series does nothing for me, to be honest.
sigh... I guess that's because you don't have that mildly useless superpower.
1/10 on understanding thread.
>>706992046
Jokes on you faggot I'm lying in bed.
>>70699443
Way too common.
>go on /b/ and post a genuine opinion
>get told to kill self
>painlessly release your spirit from this mortal coil
>???
>profit
>>706994692
That's the point, faggot. I want to kill myself.
The ability to shape shift everytime your family forgets your birthday.
The power to force someone to hum melodies to songs that are currently playing, but 1/2 step down and with perfect pitch.
>>706994636
Pls. We both know you intended for that to catch someone off guard and be close to home. You missed by a mile.
>>706992573
This. It isn't funny, smart or even creative, really
>>706987900
The power to cook ramen noodels instantly but only for friends after regular work hours
>>706994786
Get a shotgun. Place it on the roof of your mouth, facing straight up. Pull trigger.
Your consciousness won't last long enough to register pain.
Invincibility but it only works the exact moment before whatever happened would be fatal (like if you were shot in the head the bullet would penetrate past your skull and hit your brain and your brain is uneffected but you still have an extremely painful entry wound and whatever other damage) (you can never die but become infinitely injured and normally permanent injuries are permanent like paralysis and such
>>706995020
I think of that. The problem is I don't own a shotgun or any kind of firearm.
>>706995128
Buy one, if you can't afford it go to a loan shark and get money, you don't care if they come after you
The power to telepathically talk to babies, but they talk in baby babble.
The ability to see through walls, but only if the walls are made of 3/4inch drywall and at least one person on the other side is of Philippine descent with at least 34 cents in change in their pocket
you can breath underwater as long as your not wet
>>706994877
>implying he wasnt describing his own sad existence
>>706995780
I like that one
Ability to see bugs, through walls, but it's always and every bug in the world, in other words you can always see every bug and there's no ways to stop it
A "ding" noise plays when I raise my eyebrows
The ability to unleash three demon spawn a week, for 3 weeks, only after achieving 3000 hours on Bad Rats and The Slaughtering Grounds respectively.
power of making everyone else wear a fedora when they fart or else their farts will be rancid and poisonous to death within a concentration of 20% of the gas from a room or higher
>The ability to break greentext
>>706997726
Mother of god
>>706988234
Oh, you must also play WoW. Those are the stats on one of my trinkets.
>>706997726
Witnessed
>>706997726
﹥No way!
>>706988494
This
>>706988234
This post is autism
>>706997726
>>706987900
Super speed at 12:48 am and 6:23 pm, goes away after the minute passes.
