The most useless superpower wins.
The ability to heat up ketchup.
>>706971388
the power to communicate with fruits
>>706971388
Mfw throwing really fucking hot ketchup at people would be funny
The power to change the color of your toilet paper
>>706971388
The ability to be OP.
>>706971388
Being able to human.
>>706972888
The power to find all 15 bonus cards.
- Trips Fairy wuz here
>>706971388
The power to grow the hair on your arms
the power to draw a card in Hearthstone that wouldve been helpful one turn earlier
The ability to be yourself.
The ability to grow body hair 3 times faster than a normal person.
The ability to shed eyelashes.
>>706973158
>>706973321
Motherfucker. Mines better
>>706971388
the ability to solidify lava by touching it with your barehand
The ability to smell the age of Slobakian diplomats
The power to make light only the day
>>706973404
That's pretty cool...
The ability to fight crime.
The ability to make the taste of peanuts seem slightly akin to that of hazelnuts
Glorious one true leader of North Korea.
The ability to have an extra chrosome
The ability to shit standing.
The ability to perceive the emotional wellbeing of slugs and snails
>>706971388
>make wine to water
So i have super powers?
The ability to fart with your nose.
>>706971388
Having the ability to post in this thread.
the ability to travel to the future one second at a time
The ability to decrease your penis size and not grow it back
the ability to attract dust
>>706973801
No longer need to put my ass in the face
>>706973819
I can do that
Having the power to breath oxygen.
The ability to turn beer into jizz.
>>706973969
op said the most useless, not the most common
The ability to get dubs
>>706971388
Ability to move phalanges (fingers/toes) with Lou Gehrig's disease
The ability to enlarge partially cooked newspapers by one eighth of a percent
The ability to choose a useless superpower
>>706973969
Which is exactly why it is useless.
Having the power to change change to change.
The ability to win any game if done anonymously
The ability to die on command
Knowing everything in hindsight.
the abiity to only have bad orthography
The power to make your hair fall off in 5 mins (grows at normal rate)
The power to read your own mind
>>706974124
You fiddled the riddle
The ability to get bones cancer.
The ability to make children's hair fall out if I stare at them enough
>>706973661
>chrosome
How many do you have buddy?
The ability to go invisible when no one is is looking
The ability to always roll dubs.
>>706974023
That would be awesome for pranking, just going into a bar and convert everyones beers to jizz..
The ability to command a single bee to sting you.
The ability to make /b/ worth visiting.
night hearing.
>>706974656
>turn the beer they've already drank in their stomachs into semen
The ability to aid one extra joint to one digit at a time. This power cannot be used on the big toes or thumbs
Getting a child
>>706974938
*add
>>706974656
But only if you touch the beer with your rock hard cock
Good luck getting a boner in a resturant and putting it in peoples cups
The ability to know you died the second after you died. GG
>>706974835
top ability
next dc hero im sure
>>706974255
goddamn.. what is that a picture of?
>>706975004
That would hurt af. But still, it would be funny af.
the ability to turn salt into sand
The ability to remember things, but only 15 minutes too late.
the power to roll dubs
The ability to drown when thinking of water.
The ability to read minds in languages you don't understand.
The ability to cook bacon without wearing a shirt and not get burned.
The power to win every lottery in the year 4060
The ability to instantly know who was in charge of writing the credits in a movie.
>>706971388
The ability to see through windows
>>706971388
>Ability to go through walls
>You also sink down while doing it
>>706971388
the power that make you retarded.
>>706971388
The ability to win an argument on the internet.
>>706975122
>Go to the middle east
>build desalination plant
>convert the salt in seawater to sand on an industrial scale
>sand falls to the bottom, water only needs minimal filtration to be drinkable
>produce millions of gallons of drinkable water with a shoestring operating budget
On the other hands, you'd have to live in the middle east, so that still might be a useless power.
Being white and getting away with using the word nigger
>>706972415
Like gay people? Seems at least useful on some situations. Might have saved you from the Pulse shooter.
>>706971388
The ability to tell the time while looking at a clock
>>706973241
That's super.
>>706974502
Imagine how scared and confused the parents would be
>>706975665
yep
>>706973435
kek
The ability to feel hair on your tongue.
The ability to teleport to the center of the sun. (But no heat resistance).
The power to kill yourself, /r9k/'s favorite
>>706974835
Oh thats only the tip of the iceberg
>Drink hard with your friends, only beer
>Have someone Drink so much he HAS to vomit
>As soon as he Starts turn the first bit into jizz
>Everybody will see that this faggot must have swallowed a lot
>Profit.
>>706971388
The ability to turn invisible when no one is observing you
the ability to piss with a raging boner
>>706974557
I'm doing that right now.
The power of spotting speling mistakes.
>>706976185
>Security cameras aren't people
>Fractionally useful
>you lose
The ability to feel the crippling pain of childbirth whenever you want to.
The ability to grow your dick but your pubes are always longer.
>>706975553
underrated post
The ability to have a lot of money, but you have to give it to drunk hobos.
>>706973321
thats called being indian
>>706973651
Do you have any idea how much money you'd make if you hired the "Hazelnut guy?"
>>706976349
>People watching security tapes
>No longer invisible
>Checkmate
The ability to attract every women, but they only want to be friend.
The ability to forget what you ate for breakfast.
>>706976185
You didn't specify that you turn un-invisible if they could see you.
>go into bathroom
>turn invisible
>leave
>people can't see you.
>>706974510
>chrosSOME
he told you right there
>>706971388
Becoming immortal when you are depressed.
>>706976852
Or to remember what you ate for breakfast.
>>706976757
the ability to get a bachelors degree in political science
>>706974298
That's actually pretty useful.
"9/11 was done by Bush!"
"Actually, it was planned by a man who lives in Wisconin. He seeked revenge on a Jewish man who wronged him in the past when he raped and tortured his mother. The man worked in the Trade Towers as a high-up exec and was virtually untouchable. This Wisconsin guy, named Bill, called in a favor with one of his buddies in Pakistan, who made some other calls, who convinced and set up a way for the terrorist to successfully hijack the plane and run it in to the building. So no...Bush didn't do it....Bill did...."
Now...imagine doing that and becoming a successful lawyer?
The ability to know that the end of the world is near, but nobody trust you.
the ability to know what someone is going to say, but only right as they're saying it
basically you could speak in synchronization with anyone at any given time but that's about it
The ability to make bullets non-deadly, however, it only works when YOU'RE the one shooting.
>>706976426
>grow dick to desired length and girth
>shave
>???
>profit
There bability two reamembr ifffffff yuew aldered(i can't do colr wards to finiss) fuckin zolo zolofet hang on i will the get contanor
fuck chutzpas im goweeng to bed
The ability to become a black man.
Not useful in any situation.
>>706976750
But how can you film what is by definition invisible?
Jenga.
The ability to orgasm from sucking a dick
>>706977353
Undercover DEA agents would love that
>>706971388
The ability to read your own mind
>>706971388
The power to perfectly peel any fruit 100% of the time.
the ability to get stoned when you drink alcohol and drunk when you smoke a marijuana
The ability to have an ability, but the only abilIty you can have is the ability to have an ability
>>706976896
>depressed
>not specifically suicidal
man i've been depressed for like 6 months that would be an awesome power. but do you mean immortal as in your can't be killed but you can die of natural causes? or that you'll live indefinitely as long as you're depressed? does all the time that you're depressed count towards "life lived" while not depressed? or is it like, if you were depressed for a month you'll now live a month longer before you'd die of old age?
The ability to iron ironing board covers.
>>706973435
/thread
>>706977611
Please stop, my head hurts.
>>706971388
the ability to be invisible when you're alone
>>706971388
The power to teleport at a precise point in the universe... by a single atom.
>>706977290
"always"
>>706977184
>befriend two people you hate
>"check it out guys i got blanks for this gun"
>shoot person a, doesn't do anything
>"cool huh? you can try it out if you want guys, i'm going to take a piss"
The ability to sing every song in the world, but only out of tune.
>>706971388
Ability to post on 4chan
>>706976184
The ability to tell if Op is a faggit
the ability to change your poops color on demand
the ability to allways cum after 2 seconds with two years reload time
>>706977857
Seeing as how everyone shares the same universe as you, this is especially useless.
>>706971388
The ability to explain my superpower to others
the ability to orange text<
>>706971388
Excuse me, but being able to heat up ketchup to the temperature of the sun would be pretty useful.
You ever throw red hot ketchup at someone?
>>706978354
don't you think ketchup evaporates at a certain degree?
>>706971388
The power to be born.
>>706978433
1 ketchup might evaporate, but not 100000 ketchup.
Besides, per the definition of ketchup, you can make titanium ketchup.
The ability to come up with perfect puns and rebuttals, but only when it's already too awkward.
>>706976620
Kek
>>706976620
Keked
>>706978585
literally anything heated to the degree of the sun that is not massive like the sun would essentially instantly energize and distance itself from itself
Every time you blink you change the. Channel. I win.
The ability to change the length of one of your arm hairs by 1 mm at will.
>>706978778
Prove that.
The ability to survive every third bullet
ƃuıɥʇʎuɐ ɐʇsɐdʎdoɔ oʇ ʎʇılıqɐ ǝɥʇ
>>706978778
Wouldnt it just explode
>>706971388
Ability to dispense hot sauce from finger tips. No ability to control it once it starts.
The ability to reattach fruit to the trees.
>>706978861
>Prove that
>>706971388
The ability to transform into a leper.
ability to fart showtunes
>>706978778
but what if it moves from the sun at 8 minuets per hour
>>706971388
Being able to speak fluent german when talking to babies.
>>706973521
Would burn the fuck out of you from touching lava, idiot.
>>706976620
KEK
>>706975085
I assume a cancerous neckbeard
>>706978778
i dont need to. you do understand that heat is energy right? the only reason the sun can exist as hot as it is, which is due entirely to fission and fusion, is because its mass has enough gravity to contain its particles. the ketchup would essentially be plasma at that point. anyone with a decent high school education could figure out just how unfeasible and moronic your concept is
transform snickers to mars
Plaid Man! Has the ability to turn anything into the color plaid
>>706977507
>Best selling fruit salad, fruit snacks and such in town.
>>706979285
But when you say that, you imagine that the lava doesn't burn, since it transforms into rock.
>>706978778
Actually, you could contain it with a magnetic field of sufficient strength, since all matter becomes ionized at certain temperature thresholds.
Ketchup fusion reactors!!
>>706978927
literally yes
The ability to make obligatory anime references
>>706971388
The ability to travel 1 billion years into the future.
>>706978962
>>706979350
No, I'm being serious. You know you're not wrong.
But you're missing the point if you're still insisting that the power is useless, because the ketchup will no longer remain ketchup. It's exactly that the ketchup would become a corona of energy, at 5,777 K, that makes it useful. Think about what all that energy does to the things it could touch. You are the god-damned Ketchup Bomber- dope your ketchup balls with heavy metals, and you're good to go.
Even one drop of ketchup would be volatile.
>>706979548
I'd do it.
The ability to become a feminist.
Touching paper turns it to metal
The power to give yourself seizures on command.
>>706979636
That's very useful you retard.
>>706979485
well yes you could do this, maybe, theoretically. you just couldnt heat up ketchup to the temperature of the sun and expect to have it look "red hot" like it would turn into lava or some shit is my point
The ability to be able to accurately guess how many jellybeans are in a jar but only if it's not part of a contest or prize drawing.
>>706979554
i never insisted the power would be useless. i insisted that heating ketchup to the temperature of the sun isnt a thing. being able to instantly heat anything up, especially a substance as common as ketchup is obviously useful.
>>706979723
Well, ketchup that's hot enough to emanate light energy due to its temperature isn't as hot as the sun, silly.
That's probably what would happen as you heated the ketchup up. Again, look up the definition of ketchup.
You can make ketchup out of sand.
>>706971388
this is 4 fuckn' real
I can raise my own body temp ad lib, but if i do, it's very dificult to me lower it again
Ability to be hungover for the rest of your life at will.
>>706979946
>insisting that heating ketchup to the temperature of the sun isn't a thing
>superpowers aren't a thing
>the ability to heat up ketchup
>realistic
No shit.
>>706971388
the ability to see darkness
>>706980151
pretty good, you can get a fever whenever you want and skip work
>>706971388
The ability to have no abilities AT ALL.
>>706979965
I think you are very disingenuously misrepresenting the whole point when anon first brought up the heating of ketchup. Im certain his connotation when he mentioned ketchup did not include ludicrous recipes such as sand. and to even present that as possible is also a bit finnicky, because any condiment should be assumed to be a fully edible mixture
The ability to feel the smell of man gravy
4chan: The only place you can go to watch a bunch of lonely faggots argue about whether or not heating up ketchup is a useful power
>>706971388
The nothing ability, an ability to do nothing. You have no ability.
/Thread.
The ability to eat room temperature hot pockets without hating myself
>>706980443
I think you can ingest a certain quantity of sand and be fine enough.
>>706976620
That burns spicy, even for them
The power to smell only farts better
>>706972888
I can turn mine brown and green. Sometimes red.
>>706977386
like in deep throat
Hands down single most useless superpower
>depression
/thread
>>706980648
depression isn't a super power
>/threading your own post
You deserve depression anyway
Ability to recall a single friends episode in perfect detail at the cost of 1 year of your life.
>>706980280
Im not talking about the superpower, im using that as a constant you arts major piece of shit. Given that one could heat ketchup, in a hypothetical scenario, it would STILL be theoretically impossible to heat it up to the temperature of the sun is my point. To imply that im arguing as to the validity of the superpower itself forces me to assume you cant think critically and are thus a moron
>>706973581
the ability to fight brine
>>706980623
no i mean for you to orgasm from sucking someone elses dick
>>706977475
underrated post
>>706971388
ability to make water wet
>>706980740
And yet it made you reply. Depression the useless superpower makes you; anon respond to my post. My point is proven, thanks!
>>706980799
>you art major piece of shit
>can't think critically
>moron
And I have successfully baited the ad hominem out of you. I can force you to do other things, like get anal about ketchup on /b/.
>>706980800
The ability to fight twine.
>>706981021
Water isn't wet, the air we breath isn't weightless. Your fooling yourself anon
>>706981030
I replied cos I called you out on being a dingletunt
a superpower has to be a superpower, Im sitting in a chair but its not making me rich, that a useless superpower?
>>706981288
>yes actually
>>706981288
Yes anon, your dubs confirm it IS indeed a superpower
>>706981092
>improper use of ad hominem
Oh, my apologies. No way you are even an arts major.
The only thing you have done here is lost an argument and then accused me of attacking your personality rather than your argument, when clearly i was attacking your argument and then projecting your personality based on how terrible your argument was.
Ability to be Brock Turner's conscience
>>706981385
>>706981414
Dubs don't mean shit and Moot is a lie
/pol/ was behind the make a wish foundation and /co/ was what brought reddit here
chairs on superpowers aren't real
The ability turn oxygen into carbon monoxide
>>706981510
>getting even more mad
Okay. Let's slow down a bit, because I'm a slow gay retard.
At what point is calling me an arts major, a moron, or an individual incapable of critical thought... not attacking the character, motives, or other attributes of the persons making the argument, notwithstanding anything else
(such as an actual rebuttal against the substance of the bait)? Of course you were attacking my bait, we all saw that.
But, projecting on my personality after being autistic doesn't mean you haven't projected on my personality. I want you to think about where you are.
And what you're achieving right now.
>>706971388
The ability to always get singles on 4chan.
>>706982409
Amazing. How do you do it?
>>706982409
This
>>706980278
Now this would suck
The ability to detect the exact location of individual almonds. If they're in contact with another almond, you don't know where they are.
>>706971388
Having exact change at all times. But only for the next person in line, never for yourself.
The ability to take apart stuck lego pieces
>>706982753
I could probably find a use for this. Hide a single almond in a stash of money, and bury it until people aren't searching for it anymore
The power to identify what someone ate by their farts
>>706971388
The power to find the sauce for every pic
>>706982753
Almonds you say? As a super power? Unless you could fire millions from your hands like a fire hose your fucked
(?)
>>706971388
Niggers
>>706971388
The superpower to predict what your superpower is going to be
>>706982167
I'm not involved, but I have to say this lad is right; the other guy is a buttwhining faggot.
>>706982753
Do you know whether they are activated or not? If not, useless.
>>706975085
Jonah Hill's old beard.
>>706979505
There's a lot of useless and annoying superpowers in this thread, but this one got to me for some reason.
>>706979946
Superman turning back time isn't a thing either, you fucknut. Also, stop talking about science with the grammar of a 3rd grader.
>>706977475
Ability to be pic related.
>>706979087
That was a good thread reference
>>706971388
The ability to cause a slight scratching sound in the corner of a room that is not occupied but unfortunately even the scratching cannot be heard from the room you or anyone else is in.
>>706979435
Too bad he can't go plaid
The ability to masturbate with no hands
The ability to teleport from any place to Detroit
>>706979636
touching metal turns it into farts
>>706975665
Go to Australia, they export sand
>>706986345
That's way too useful. Leave
The ability to read your own mind
The ability to be invisible but only in the dark
The power to speak to glass. Glass will not speak back though it will understand you.
The ability to communicate with aliens but only in a 15 meter radius
The superpower to make your fingers bend the other way for 10 seconds a day
The Power to Flush the toilet with your mind, but only while your hand is touching the leaver
The aiblity to talk to snails but only during skin to skin contact
The power to pop pimples telepathically
The power to make ingrown hairs grow really fast
The power to sneeze three times harder than the average person
The ability to have a dad, but only if you're black
The ability to remember the wheel script of the twilight movie series
>>706972827
Ketchup packets of doom just heat to 600 celscius.
The ability to turn into a guy with terminal cancer
The ability to perfectly recreate the GameCube startup sound with my anus.
>>706971388
