Confession thread. Post the worst thing you've done.
The stories and information posted here are artistic works of fiction and falsehood.
Only a fool would take anything posted here as fact.
Only a fool would take anything posted here as fact.
Confession thread.
Post the worst thing you've done.
>>706841310
I stole $50 from my grandma once back when I was about 15 or 16. Never got caught.
To this day I feel like shit for it, but still too chicken to own up and pay it back plus interest.
>Grew up on farm
>Feral cats on farm
>Shoot feral cat
>Fuck feral cat
>Cum in feral cat
>Stick barrel of gun up feral cats ass
>Pull the trigger
>Spaghetti
>>706841747
How can you be 12 then?
>ninth grade
>there's a sweet pretty girl who had lost her legs in an accident
>has very few friends due to her condition
>she's a fantastic artist
>my friends and I decide to prank her for shits and giggles
>I pretend I want to be her friend and she warms up to me immediately
>we start to hang out outside of school
>she takes me home one day to watch a movie
>I ask her if she can show me her portfolio(she was in the advanced art program in our school and needed to create fifty or so amazing art pieces to pass
>during the movie, I say I need to go to the restroom
>retrieve the big ass scissors from my pocket, go into her room, and cut the bottom half of all her art pieces off and trash them
>leave
>the next day, she rolls up to me in the middle of class, on the verge of crying, and asks me what happened to her art
>I said "I made them look like you"
>all my friends laugh heartily
>she rolls over to her table and just stares at her hands in her lap for the rest of the day
It was less than a month before that art was due, too. There's no way she made it up in time. To this day I still look back and wonder what the fuck was wrong with us.
Posted in this thread
>>706842057
Nice copypasta fgt
>>706841747
>>706841747
don't own up to it. just give her the money back, no need for interest.
or offer to take her out someplace really nice for dinner. or do her grocery shopping or something.
source: in NA, and we do a lot of shit around "making amends". Telling someone you lied to them, or stole from them doesn't necessarily make things better for them.
Personally, I would just say - hey when I was a kid I took $50 from you. I'm really sorry, and here it is.
kids do shit man.
>>706842057
nice pasta fuckhole
got my girlfriend hooked on H, because I was smoking it and she wanted to try it too.
I shitpost on /b/
I forgot to hold a door open for a lady this one time.
I visit reddit
>>706841310
I've been running ylyl threads with bananas for over two years now
>>706841310
I don't seed my torrents
>>706842630
You monster
>>706842709
you motherfucker
i made this im not proud of it either
http://vocaroo.com/i/s09qeMuOs99R
i have an extremely weak hairline compared to the faggots who make fun of me
i let my gf peg me with her brothers dick
worked in datacenter hosting 4chan servers. Plugged in network appliance that identifies all network traffic sources / archives content / and forwards information to am IP address in Japan.
I flushed my cousins copy of Pokémon: Ruby down the toilet, and put the blame on my bi polar cousin.
He got punished for 2 months and patted down by his mom each time before using the bathroom. They went full blown TSA on him.
Had sex with 2 of my friends sisters.
not too bad
I pooped on my wiener and used it as poopy lube.
>>706841310
I used my own mother's dildo. Idk if this is even relevant at this point as it is bad enough as it is, but I didn't use a condom.
Just to clear things, I'm a dude.
And yes, I was drunk.
>Be me
>Having 14
>First real gf
>First time having sex
>First time falling in love
>everything nice until 6th month
>Says he cheated on me days before our first time making love
>get obsessed with it
>Start insulting him the next months until we broke up at the 20th month
>Broke up because i kissed and touched his last year school friend for revenge
I broke a thermometer cleaning and shoved it under my dresser because i didn't want my mom to see that i broke it and my cat started acting crazy as fuck for the next two weeks and died because of mercury poisoning
>>706841310
test
>>706841310
Coming back to b was the worst thing ever did
i took money from a retarded girl at school, i didn't know who's locker it was but it was last day of school and i was just going through the empty lockers.
>bag full of change ~20$
>retarded girl probably didn't know how to use currency anyway.
>>706843760
That's how I looked at myself in the mirror while washing it when I was sober enough to understand what I just did. Just thinking to myself "You really outdid yourself this time, Anon. Nice job!"
I use to listen to brokencyde and dot dot curve regularly when I was a teen. I had all their albums and a bunch of band that shirts. I remember one time my dad said I can pick the music to listen to in the car. I brought out my brokencyde CD and blasted it. I thought it was so cool at the time. Now Im older and starting to realize why my parents never really talked to me much.
>>706843931
>gf
>he
What?
>>706844554
She*
When i was 5 or 6 i stepped on 2 kittens for fun
They died next day
>>706843931
Your grammar is impeccable! Nice job, anon.
>>706844483
You should kys for every liking Brokencyde.
One time I was walking at night and noticed someone had left their clothes out to dry.
In the midst of those clothes were a girl's dress, probably for someone around the age of 4.
I stole it, took it out back, fapped using it, then put it back.
It was pretty intense at the time and I came so much.
Now it just makes me sick thinking about it.
>>706845592
theres probably a loli thread just waiting for you anon.
I voted for Clinton in the 90's. Dumbest thing I've ever done.
I have sex in the missionary position for the sole purpose of procreating.
>>706842451
Fucking Degenerate
>>706841310
I got married.
Twice.
>>706841310
>be in 6 year relationship
>last couple years have been long distance
>start cheating on her
>valentines day
>send gf flowers and tell her she's my valentine
>take other girl out that same day for valentines date
>gf is coming back to town for a couple months
>break up with girl I've been cheating on her with out of the blue
>probably really hurt her
>probably going to hell
We broke up about a month ago. Now I'm depressed but I definitely deserve it.
>>706845991
You sick fuck
I killed a man.
Be 24 and date a 16 year old morman guy. Technically the most illegal thing I've done and most socially unacceptable, which is why we broke up. But I honestly loved him, I still cry thinking about it
One time at a party, I was just about black out drunk and had to piss like a motherfucker. Mind you this party is full of people I have seen and will continue to see for the rest of my college experience. Back to peeing urge of insanity. Go into a kids room and start letting it flow. See tooth brush and grin like how I imagine a pedophile does after it captures a child and is about to unleash a dicking of no other. Grab tooth brush and begin to let the yellow flow. Go back to party. Have to pee again. Back to same room and piss on tooth brush more as well as in bathtub and then in the body wash for good measure. Immediately go back out and grab the friends I came with and left while everyone else was fucking wasted. Never told anybody else but two people. One who left with me and one who was still there. Nobody else found out and I still party with these people regularly
>mfw the entirety of this
>>706845904
That was pretty much it though.
The worst part was coming to my senses afterwards and having to run back into the property to put it back.
I did this a few more times with panties. Pretty boring stuff though.
>>706846234
Why did you bill a ban?
I punched my dad in the face.
I let a trans fuck me in the ass and cum in my mouth but to make sure it didn't think I was attracted to it I said "no homo". I told my friends and they all think I'm gay now even though I'm clearly not. I even said no homo to make it very clear to it.
I broke a hookers arm because she tried to suck my dick.
PD: I am not gay or anything I just panicked
>>706846457
Dude, yea you clearly said no homo, the fuck is their problem?
>>7068413
when i was 12 i saw in some movie that they did an "upperdecker"
i did one at the local gas station down the street. and it smelled in there for atleast 6 months. it was hilarious.
I just bought my own weed for the first time today. It reeks so much that I put it inside 2 sandwich bags, a small pouch, a computer pouch, in my backpack which I hid under my bed, and I'm still paranoid.
>>706846660
You should be paranoidone. Your parents will definitely catch you.
>>706846660
Shove it up your ass. If your parents smell it say you ate something bad at school
>>706846564
Thank you! They are just a bunch of assholes I guess
>>706846660
They are all over you Anon. Kek. You don't sound much like the troupe who will even enjoy it.
>>706846938
Yea fuckin assholes
I am genuinely dissapointed that I rarely act on my urges because my "worst" things mainly consist of lying, cheating dropping girls as soon as they commit and starting brawls. I am indeed a boring individual.
>>706847058
Wow.
>>706846660
thats exactly what i did when i bought weed for the first time back in high school kek
in 2 bags, a laptop bag, and in my closet
>>706844049
>>706843660
>>706844483
>>706845991
>>706846090
>>706846457
>>706846660
put in thermos cuck
>>706847165
Wow
>>706846971
I've smoked around maybe 30 times in the past 4 years but its always been friends smoking me up. I definitely enjoy it.
>>706847212
LMFAO I actually put the backpack in the closet too but my dad was sneaking around in there looking for his shoes so I moved it.
I stole my friend's jacket and jacked off into it. I snuck it back the next day.
Masturbated at concentration camp.
>>706847353
At least your careful. Mighnight toker.
Fucked a girl, bailed while she was passed out and stole $40 from her wallet. Kek
>>706841310
>test
>>706841310
Your mother.
I slept with my bosses daughter repeatedly. She was 16, I was way older. To be honest I don't even regret it. Best I ever had.
I was driving on a bus through Zimbabwe, on my way through to Zambia from South Africa to see Victoria falls.
We stopped at the South Africa/Zimbabwe boarder for what I shortly found out to be passport verification. I was scared because I was the whitest person there (I am arab)
The boarder required a bribe of sorts, in American dollars in order to go through. I found out this after they got us out of the bus, where all my stuff was, and I was at their version of customs.
They took one look at my passport, saw where I was from and tripled the fee to one hundred American dollars
I was very scared. I would of been left at the boarder with no way back to Johannesburg. I only had 250 rand on me.
A person on his way to Zambia fronted the money and I was to pay him back when I was able to
I never did.
>>706844483
https://youtu.be/c-Ep8taItGk
Yes plz
I called someone a faggot retard on 4chan once
still feels bad tbh
>>706847808
16 is legal in my country, and my boss' daughter just turned 16. I'm 35 but I'd still smash the silly out of that booty.
>>706843660
I used my mom's too. I just always cleaned it before and after. I think she caught on after a while because she changed her hiding place.
>>706842709
end your life
>>706847377
I did that too! I also waited for my roommate in first year of college to get really drunk.... kneeled down next to his face in his bed and blew my load over his lips while sniffing his gym shorts.
Older woman (friend of a friend) was outside the bar essentially passed out drunk. I was outside being a good guy making sure nothing happened to her. Stuck my hand under her shirt, felt her up, pinched her nipples.
Didn't go farther for fear of getting caught.
>>706846675
The spelling of this is the real sin here.
>>706848056
So I'm not the only fucker that's sick enough to do that?
>went to india
>little poor kind tries to sell me shit i don't want
>won't go away
>goes to my friend next to me
>I walk behind him and clip his ankle
>he faceplants and cries really loudly while we just walk away
The part that gets me the most is that he was only selling shit so him and his peasant family could get by.
>>706841310
Came on a diaper changing station
>>706848039
It's legal in my state too. I feel bad in some ways because I was really close to my boss and this was a huge betrayal.
The weird thing is I'm only really attracted to women my age if not older, most people under 25 just annoy the shit out of me. She was the exception.
>>706841310
Fuck your fat mom faggot
>>706842709
I'm the guy who shitposts Chloe hate and Cara pics in celeb threads. Keep doing gods work, anon!
>>706846660
Put it in a Mason jar with a lid.
>>706841310
>be me at age 16
>date for a year
>get caught in bed by her mom
>gf gets "deported" to dad (out of state)
>try to make it work
>5 months later fuck her cuter best friend
>break up with current gf the next day
No ragrets here. Sex won over all at that age. Worth.
I broke her heart though and probably made her outlook on men completely different because of it.
>>706847490
Shit i'd fund this
Touched some chick while we were both drunk as all hell. She was actually sleeping. I'm amazed to say this, but this is the worst thing that I've ever done.
stole my mum's money to buy weed
fucked a 16 year old when her mom dad and their friends were having dinner in the next room.
she wasn't quiet.
joined dinner later
>>706843931
>Be me
>Closeted and dating guy friend
>still underage b&
>lie on internet and say it was girl
>keep saying he/him
>???
>profit?
I'm the one who made all the threads with GET OUT NORMIES REEEE with angry pepe images
i thought it was funny at the time
>be me
>long day at work
>lie down to take a nap
>get a text
>it's from an old friend
>she's kind of a bitch
>"hey anon doesn't your gf work at...?"
>"yeah why"
>"I'm here now... looks like she's got the downs lol"
>"are you fucking with me right now?"
>"no lol"
>I'm fucking mad
>I'm fucking pissed
>not gonna respond though
>not yet
>already know what I'm gonna do
>her fat fuck mother died months before this exchange
>next day I drive to the cemetery
>ask for plot number
>snap a picture of the headstone
>send it to her with the caption...
>"glad to see your mother found a diet that works for her"
>half an hour later my phone's blowing up
>called so many times my phone started heating up
>ended up just blocking her number and have never spoken to her again
I'm going to hell for it, but it was worth the keks...
>thick envelope addressed to my neighbor arrives at my house by mistake
>crack it open
>20/25 kids birthday cards all addressed to the same girl, presumably neighbors daughter
>they're all from her different relatives, must have been cheaper to mail it as the one package then send them all separately or something
>cash in every single card
>can hear her birthday party going on outside the next day
>wondering what they're doing about the easy hundo fifty that has vanished in the mail
>mfw the pile of cards sticking out the top of my bin
Not all that bad
ate meat from age 2-15
>>706845104
lol
When I was a child I use to poop my pants. I didn't know what to do so I when I reached in my pants I would get poop on my hands. I would then take my hand and rub it on the wall. When my parents saw it i would always blame my older brother. He's disabled. Feels bad bro
I shot a man in Reno once. Just to watch him die.
>>706848225
Nope. I found it and didn't even hesitate. It was during my experimental years. Now I have plenty of toys for the ladies in my life to use on me and themselves.
My dad and stepmother were out the house so I was home alone. I have a pantie fetish so instead of going in the laundry basket I went into my stepmothers pantie drawer to find something new, and instead found a dildo. I was horny as fuck and decided I'd try it out. I didn't use a condom, I just washed it before and after I used it. It felt pretty good but I probably won't do it again
Happened recently.
>start messing around with an ex of mine
>got her pregnant in 2015
>her and her husband are raising my son
>start flirting with her again
>we trade some nudes
>her husband finds them
>he's furious that my dick's bigger and I'm fitter than him
>completely destroyed their family
>he tries to make it work because of the son
>mfw I'm still fucking the shit out of his wife
>mfw I don't have to raise a fucking kid
>mfw he ate her out the other night, just 1 hour after I creampied her
How does my cum taste, Daniel? Do you like it as much as Hannah does?
>>706841310
Killed a girl
>>706849947
Yikes.
>>706850159
Bullshit. That's probably you or a friend.
Unless you're really this retarded.
>>706850159
hmmmm. Did you get cauuuuuuught?
before Ed Sheran was famous i used to see him perform at this local place with some people i knew who are rappers. I drunkenly went up to him infront of people and called him a ginger fucking ugly mess - whos laughing now?
>>706848666
Satan trips proves it.
>>706841992
LOL That's fucking GROSS
>spaghetti
>>706843345
this made me laugh, you're an asshole but it sounds hilarious
>>706850696
If only this really happened it would be the keks
jackt it to exwife
>>706848687
>looks like she's got the downs
so you dumped your gf because someone said she looks retarded? I don't get it
>>706847490
>Masturbated at concentration camp.
I wanked in a church toilet. To Jesse Flores, a man face tranny. Back when I first discovered I was into mental illness kink
Traded in my brothers 3DS for cash so I could buy cocaine and go out.
I haven't taken any drugs in almost a week and don't plan to take any more for the foreseeable future until I get my fucking life sorted out. Probably not going to tell him I did it, he never really uses it anyway so I assume he will think he misplaced it. I'll find another way to make it up to him.
>>706841310
I opened this thread.
and I regret it more every second.
>>706851289
No you fucking idiot. The girl who texted me that shit ragging on my girlfriend kek
>>706850963
i swear its true i was a mouthy little drunk when i was younger
I kissed a Tranny then took Cocaine.
>>706851502
Oh and i was 16 when it happened.
>>706842764
Bastard
>>706851501
His stupid face must have been priceless
> be me 15
> freshman in high school
> everyone thinks im weird
> start dating a twin
> few months of dating on and off
> still virgin
> she falls asleep on my couch
> idk why but get horny af
> put cock in her mouth and fuck her mouth slowly for like 5 minutes
> cum in my hand
> insta guilt
> she starts acting funny around me
> asks if i touched her in her sleep
> tell her what i did
> she like hates my guts now but shes a bitch so idc
> still feel bad but im not that hormonal kid anymore and i try to be a good guy so i use it as a life lesson
Ethier way worst thibg ive ever done and im never doing it again. Felt like shit.
>>706851796
Y u tell her? That shit dumb.
>>706851919
bitch was probably awake the entire time LOL
why else would she ask?
>>706846660
Parents go through shit they find under kids beds. It's like the only place in the world a kid knows where to hide something. BTW if your parents don't smoke weed they are going to smell it anyway because now you have contaminated like 6 different items with the smell.
Source: I am a parent and smoke skunk
>>706851919
Dude i know but i was a dumb as shit kid. Im lucky she never pressed charges.
When I was 17 a friend and I lured someone we knew out into the woods and beat him in the head with a hammer and fire extinguisher. The cause was to kill, however we failed.
I am not the same person as I was when I was 17, I do not want to hurt anyone again.
>>706849947
Lol what a piece of shit. Can't even raise your own kid.
>>706852202
Ya'll shoulda been like naww brahh u image shit. Like rednecks in the wood see bigfoot n shit. Shit always works... yo
>>706847826
This is why we hate Arabs. This and the constant beheading.
>>706852342
(((Parents)))
>>706846818
kek
>>706852489
What if i told you guys shes like a hardcore feminist now and is a meth head and is dating my recently exbest friend
Not the worst thing, but...
>be me
>with girlfriend
>picking up dinner
>little seafood restaurant
>bomb ass seafood
>busy as fuck
>food in my hand just waiting to pay
>this_is_taking_forever.gif
>start getting impatient
>eventually walk out without paying
>they call me
>"you need to pay for that food you know"
>"I DID PAY!"
>acting like I'm insulted
>"no you didn't"
>"I put the money on the counter"
>"well it's not there"
>evil_smirk.jpg
>"well I think there was a trash can beneath the counter maybe it fell in there"
>hang up on them
>fast forward an hour
>I'm chilling eating that bomb ass seafood dinner with the girlfriend
>they call back
>"we checked every trash bin and we didn't find your money...don't ever come back here again!"
>mfw they actually looked through the garbage
>>706852205
you're typing without using contractions. "I am not the same person" and "I do not want to hurt anyone again". These are tell-tale signs of lying. You might think you've changed but subconsiously you might have not. I'd suggest seeking help if this is real my dude. (if english is your second language this probably doesn't apply however)
>>706848133
Good job anon you really looked after her. How do you feel about babysitting?
>>706852659
Makes sense, she got blue hair and everything??
>>706841310
In grade 5, my fat teacher made me stay in class, while the rest went to go play dodgeball, for acting up. I drew a comic like
First
>Wow, Ms.Anon sure is fan
second
>"i know"
Third
A big ball of a lady peaks from beside the comics third slide
>"HEYYYY!"
She found the comic and i got in a lot of trouble, but blamed it on my friend.
>>706852816
Purple but close. And her twin sister is trans.
>>706841310
I'm 9600.00 in debt with no way to pay and I'm alternating considering suicide and robbing a bank.
I accidentally stepped on and killed a little frog.
:'(
>>706853190
Why not both
>>706852939
Oh fuck, seriously every one is some kind of a special snowflake these days.
>>706848687
You are a fucking god my friend, that is absolutely fucking amazing lmao
>>706853190
9600 isn't that much money man. Who do you owe it to? As long as it's not the mob or some loanshark shit you should be fine
>>706850159
Must have been pretty recent because she was posting on Facebook just over a week ago.
summerspaans1
>>706852549
your tears taste delicious LOL
>>706853324
The world just needs to chill the fuck out. Im really tired of all the equal rights cuck shit man. Like its only causing more problems.
> junior year of high school
> this really retarded kid named Preston is in my English class
> he always sits in the corner listening to really shitty music
> decide to fuck with him
> find out his locker number + combo from one of his "friends" (he only hung out with him out of pity"
> good friends with school security guard
> find out day of next drug dog inspection (it was in a very urban area)
> break into his locker and plant nearly an ounce of weed that I had bought
> drug dog comes
> marks his locker
> kid goes to jail with intent to sell marijuana
>mfw I spent nearly $250 on getting a kid sent to jail
> totally worth
>>706841310
I'm the one that always tells the truth in these "We All Have Secrets" threads.
Aand the truth is:
I've been on 4chan since 2008 --- and I never (I repeat: "*NEVER*!!") uploaded any porn, nude, or otherwise immoral pic/vid.
And yes, I'm also definitively proud of it.
Pissed in a porsche 911 convertible because the fucker left his roof down.
He lives on my street. I do it a lot.
I play pokemon go and drive.
19 dated a 16 year old
banged her and she told her mom
she trusted her mom, open comm.
turned her back on her and sent her to another country
tried to make it work abroad
ended it and got hell for it
>>706841310
Kept my ex's nudes
>>706853548
Yeah, no one has time to keep up with all these bullshit modern terms for made up shit that doesn't even exist.
>>706845963
>able to vote in the 90s
>still on b
when did your life fucked up anon?
>>706852342
>raising kids
Fuck that noise, kids are gay.
>>706853400
It was one of those things where at first I was like "well that wasn't very funny it was just mean." But like a fine wine, you've got to appreciate all the nuances and subtleties...
The fact that I actually drove to the cemetery to take a picture. That must have jarred the hell out of her. The fact that it works in two directions, making fun of her mother when she was alive while at the same time reminding this girl that her mother's dead...
Oh man it was evil but I got mileage out of that one. So many keks
>>706854057
(((Bart Simpson)))
>be me, massive crackhead
>got kicked out of my grandparents house because, you know, crackhead
>still have house key
>grands live off of SSI and gov pensions
>sneak into house the day before payday, take picture of both debit cards from both sides.
>transfer almost 1500 into burn PayPal
>transfer cash into Walmart money card two days later using my dead moms info
>travel across state because scarred as fuck, carrying three fucking 8 balls
>crash in crack motel and live like a king
>grands are losing their shit, lose the house back to habitat for humanity with less than 5 years before it was paid off.
>live with fucked up methhead niece and pass away soon after because of malnutrition
>fast forward a year later, move back
>new crack dealer lives in my old grands house.
>hello darkness my old friend.
>>706841747
slip it into her bag next time you see her. Or if you're at her house just leave it somewhere
>>706848343
ARE YOU FUCKING SORRY!?
>>706841310
I ran for president and lied about being able to walk. Actually, I faint all the time, and am sick with cancer. I am a faggot who fucks my employee of 20 years, and I killed a DNC staffer. *
Video related: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FVDyciOQCak
*facts in this post may not be facts
i think im getting addicyed to xanax i already have a high tolerance now and today i tried to stop but i felt sick and started shaking so i took another bar and now im finishing off my last beer before i pass out its only 8pm i hope i wake up tomorrow its so fuckin hard to type
>>706841310
>work as busboy
>woman says she lost her ring
>help look for ring
>see ring under table
>push ring further under out of eyesight
>say see nothing under table
>woman and friend still looking
>old lady crying
>too old to crawl under table
>eventually leave
>manager assures her ring will turn up
>end of shift
>fake like i drop spoon
>crawl under get ring
>go home
>huge ass diamond ring
quit working food service. still have the ring, appraised it in 02' for $12k
fuck it.
>>706854326
If true, this is the saddest fucking thing I've ever read, and I hate you for ruining my night.
>>706854516
i was clean for so long and then my doc prescribed me tje super weak .5mg pills so i said fuck it and got 2mg bars from a friend and self medicated now im fucked i dont want to have seizures or withdrawal
>>706853834
Man i seriously hope some sort of apocalyptic event happens and kills most the fucks on earth. Even if it takes me with them. Greater good.
> own a hamster
> take said hamster and name it chris after sisters abusive boyfriend
> take hamster and stick it in a sock
> take sock and spin it like im a helicopter
> smash sock on ground like monkey from 2001: Space odyssey
> kill hamster
> microwave it
> go to bed
> wake up in the morning tell parents cat kill hamster
> oh and I tortured the shit out of my cats growing up like some sick shit and I enjoyed it
> now I'm older and have given more then one women Irish sunglasses and roofied a girl at a uni party and raped the shit out of her ass and cunt
> also killed a backpage slut but that's a story for another day
>>706850306
that's where you fail my friend, i'm always pretending to be retarded
>>706853190
If you're gonna do one rob the bank, at least if you get caught you go to jail and you dont have to worry about debt
>>706853507
kek
One christmas, probably 10-11 years, just found out how fun it was to play with ma peewee.
Mom outta the house, turkey stuffed on the table, rdy for the oven. Took ma little peewee out, made the sweet love with the christmas turkey. Jizzface.jpg
All of my close family have eaten my cum.
>>706854882
a/s/l
>>706845991
you sick, disgusting, sorry excuse for a human fucking being
>I didn't pull my foreskin back till I was 16
>When I got the skin back past the head it exploded with smegma
>was in bath so didn't smell it but I imagine it was really bad
>mfw
>>706854624
You're not the only one. I made the mistake of telling my sponser and was literally kicked out of rehab.
I know I should die but like they say, assholes live forever.
Hit on my best friend's mom when he was away at boot camp. I seriously thought she would go for it but she was like, what, no!
He was mad but he couldn't be really mad, he was the one who showed me nude polaroids of her. I stole them and jerked off to her many many times in pre internet days.
I still see her occasionally but now she's almost 70 and fat.
Back in the day she looked more like pic related.
You are fucking scum, please kill yourself
>>706854569
Why not cash in?
>>706855244
Hey I'm not judging bro. I was a heroin addict for 3 years. Your story just made me sad, probably because it reminded me of what a scumbag I was at one time...
>>706847826
Yo yo cunt... im from zimbabwe myself...
Your a kaffa
>>706844221
This
>>706855820
coke and weed you fucking faggets
>>706843931
???????????
>>706856105
The fuck you think cracks made from?
Baking soda and sunshine?
>>706854408
Not that bad man
I didn't major STEM, and I fucking regret it.
i made this
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1GifS4zwggE
>>706856314
>baking soda and sunshine
Topkek
>le me at work
>coworker comes in every day, drops his phone, then hits the cafeteria for breakfast
>one day while he's gone, his phone rings
>being the dick i am, I answer the phone
>fuck with a very angry woman, possibly his current gf or his latest ex wife
>end call before he gets back
>don't say anything, coworkers find this hilarious and don't say anything either
>one week passes
>late into work because he said he was up late because of his crazy ex
jackpot.jpg
>he gets called down to hr later that day
>fired on the spot (he'd been fucking up a lot lately)
mfw
>>706855945
hence why I'm posting this I feel bad bro
>>706852713
not necessarily.
overt formality in written language can reflect genuine guilt - the writer has above average attention to the phrase.
>>706856105
It's all fun and games till you run out of cash anon.
>>706853190
9k... Lol fucking hell you could pay that back in a year. Get a job you faggot.
>>706841310
Bang ur mom while I was drunk lel
I did 9/11
Was paid by probably CIA agents
>>706841310
I had two girlfriends who neither of them new about the other... Once, they both came to a party (I was already going with one and then the other showed up!!) I fucked the girl I went with in my friend (host of party)'s bedroom then asked him to keep her busy while I went and fucked the other one in the same bed... Best night of my life... Then one of them dumped me because of other reasons and I am still with the original one I went to the party with 4 and a half years later... Neither of them know to this day.
>>706856391
This is top quality shitposting. Love those snaps so that they know when to start
>>706841992
You didn't fuck a cat.iv tried.no turn out so good
>>706856655
Double dubs speak truth
I once smashed someones window with a rock and then blamed it on my friend
>mfw the guy throws a rock at my friend and he needs stitches
>>706846660
ah the good old days. you will get caught my good sir... enjoy
>>706856314
I ain't using rusty bitch ass needle>>706856518
is when the game starts.
>>706841310
i stole candy from a person mentally challenged person.. i feel like shit for doing it :(
I punched a down syndrome kid once
>>706856753
oh and the one that broke up with me uses this nasal filter thing where you squirt a bottle of sailine solution up one nose hole and it comes out the other nose hole... she uses it every day.... I pissed in it once after an argument.... yiou can decide which is worse....
Im a nice guy, honestly.
>>706856890
how though
>>706848573
same ;(
>>706854725
wait no you cant do that bro
>>706856817
>>706857299
I didn't steal her money I just stole her weed.
>>706856481
Lol kaff you really ahould have told them to fuck off... hoats always try hustle you... just speak shona and say you have a visa
Had a guy I met on Craigslist fuck my ass while his brother fucked my face. They switches halfway through and all I could smell was my ass. But god their cum tasted delicious.
I may have killed a man with a laser pointer.
>>706842709
i personally dont think theyre funny(dont think u care anyway :p) Maybe try another character?
>>706857365
5$ says he nigger.
>>706856753
OH and I filmed my at-the-time-girlfriend's younger sister in the shower... she was 14 then and I still beat off to it to this day but I find cp fucking disgusting its just that to me back them she wasn;t a kid cuz I had only just turned 15... Dont think that makes me a pedo does it? I hate cp and the thought of it makes me sick but I dont see this one as cp.
wow, im an asshole.
>>706849630
>>706857430
I only speak English though man
>>706853272
golly gosh
>>706841310
You know those tags on matresses that read "Do Not Remove"?
>>706841992
>>706853272
omg ive done this too! I 'slipped' on it and it rolled under me but I think I seperated its skin from its insides and was alive for ages I didnt know what to do... still haunts me to this day :(
Pepper sprayed a baby.
>in a store
>found gf had spray in her bag. oh cshit kool
>spray it to see what would happen, whynot.docx
>spray is around knee level, didnt want it to get on people.
>not 30 seconds later a mom with a stroller come right the spray zone
>baby starts coughing like a jew in the chamber
>tell gf we have to get the fuck outta there NOW.
>Never saw the consequences but it sure as hell was fucked when i left
>>706841992
well... Retards also remember their biggest achievements
>>706844049
SnepKeklepup
>be me
>16
>big hurricane
>electricity turns off
>went to grandmas house
>stayed the night
>woke up at about 1
>horny as fuck
>go into my grandma's room
>take blanket off of her and pull down panties
>fuck her in the ass
>cum inside of her
>put my dick in her mouth for a bit
>go back to sleep
i did that almost every time I went to my grandmas place until i was 18
>>706858444
trips never lie
Go on disneychannel.com without parents permission
>>706843931
wut
>>706858444
btw she was 80 at the time
Jacked off in my best freinds backyard in daylight with his wife daugter and neighbor there.was on a adderal and booze binge up for days not thinking straight
>>706857279
you just will lol dw all part of the process mate
Ok lots of bad shit in life but here is last one I did.
In Mexico on oil rig, water system gets fucked up and 5 of us get sick bad. Puking shitting dehydration so bad it's messing with my heart. Send us to hospital. Put us in separate wing from Mexicans solo room on fluid to get rehydrated Iv oxygen.
Nurse comes in she is 11/10 never saw woman so incredible. She comes in and checks on me twice a day in hospital a week.
About day 3 feeling much better but won't release me she comes in to check my heart. When she walks down hall I can hear her high heels on the tile floors. Start getting erection just knowing she will be leaning over me, her hair in my chest can smell her perfume.
Day 4 I hear her massive bone just wearing hospital gown with sheet over me making big tent. She checks my heart, have my eyes closed so can remember how she smelled later. She says looks like you feeling better and taps my erection.
Confusion sets in no internet no tv all day to think. I decide when I hear her tomorrow I'm going to let her catch me jerking off and see if she wants to join. The cum backup confuses my reason and this seems reasonable. Next day I hear her heels and my dick is insta hard. Pull down sheet so my dick is exposed and start beating it with eyes closed. She says how are you today then gasps. She walked out and never checked on me again. Discharged 2 days later.
>>706854569
damn, made me feel like shit
>>706858444
your granny sounds like a fun girl. been thinking about kidnapping a granny and doing the same.
>>706842400
and now shes a whore?
>>706844325
Love that you called yourself Anon, Anon.
>>706846660
air tight mason jar, numbnuts
Fingered my golden retriever and came on its fur
>>706857717
$20
>>706858679
nurses don't wear high heels.
>>706858679
>discharged 2 days later
heyo
>>706859110
Wi didn't u fug?
>>706844049
Holy shit
Lost
>>706858124
>>706859230
exposed
>>706841310
My buddy got in a car wreck and almost died.
I went to go see him in the hospital, his gf gave me a ride.
He was real stoked to see me, I was stoked he actually survived, it was bad.
Left the hospital went back and got high with his gf, then fucked the shit out of her.
This repeated like 5 times, his gf would pick me up, we'd go see him to get updates on the latest operation, then she'd take me home to fuck her.
He finally found out later when he was out of the hospital but still in a body brace. It was my bday and I'd been drinking, he threw a punch and I beat his ass. He later was crying on my shoulder about it and I consoled him, told him she was a whore and that's what whores do. She heard and ran out screaming at me.
Lust is my sin.
>>706842057
You heartless fucker, kudos to you anon
Either cumming in girls hair during middle school or cumming in my sisters coffee and watching her drink it. Not that bad considering its the worst things I've done
>>706841310
Father please forgive me for I have sinned.
I pooped in a toilet that didn't have water. It must have festered for days before the owner found out.
>pic related
Fired off a few burst with a 240 at a group of women and children who were watching us drag my friend out of a blown up truck. Bitchs were laughing. They weren't laughing after.
>>706848954
LEL I stopped eating dead things when I was 9.
>>706846660
Good luck When you get caught
>>706859650
this whole thread is just shame and cancer
>>706847490
I was on a trip to northern France and I jerked off onto one of the sand dunes on Omaha beach
>>706858679
Learn how to greentext if you're going to write in greentext
>>706844234
Don't be ashamed anon,
products of incest are just as bad as niggers
i made love to a male
I was in a special class for delinquents and retards. Whenever the teacher left I would grope and feel up the tard girl next to me. She was the only other one in the room. I'd run my hand up her shorts and rub her pussy through her panties. She would only stare at me awkwardly.
I used to work for the CIA, and I've been apart of some fucked up shit I still haven't forgiven myself for. I'm not going into detail, I just needed to get this off my chest.
One day my horny ass bulldog knocked over my six year old niece after she got out of the shower and fucked the shit out of her.
Best fap ever.
>>706860376
Greentext, nigger!
>>706848687
you win...period! everything! that is fuckin' awesomely cold. she must have totally lost her shit. fuck
>>706860212
the act of incest itself isn't as bad as the race traitors. >>706860281
classy words for a fagget.
>be 8
>throwing frisbee with friend as others sit on nearby grass and chill
>accidentally throw too hard and hit the neighbor's window (don't remember if glass shattered, probably did)
>freak and run over to the grass, sit down and put on my cool face
>window opens and neighbor sees friend with frisbee in hand
>yells at him, he's tearing up
>sit with the other friends and just observe
>can't believe my friend is such an idiot and didn't incognito like me, could've blamed some other kids
>>706841310
>joined on imvu at 18
>turned into a huge furfag.
>find it fun to be a female instead of a male
>get turned on to imvu roleplay so much I dont like regular relationships
>make a huge roleplay as a bartending lizard and have erp sex with plenty of bar patrons in private
>be doing this for 4 years now
Guys I'm 27...
>>706859650
lust is my sin. banged my friends slutty sister while he in bed next door, cheated on my gf with a slut the one night i was out without her, fingered my gfs bf while she was past out next us
Let gf jack me off in friends coat pocket and watched him wear it all day periodically wiping hand off for making me look like a liar the previous week
>>706860438
Top kek, would also fap
>>706853120
i knew you were up in that tree
>>706860715
no wonder girls are fucked up these days
broke into a theatre to get wasted with friends and i got so high / drunk i took a big dump in the middle of the stage
>>706860588
I said products, I wasn't referring to the act itself you inbred nigger.
>>706852713
I've been thinking that you're a faggot.
>>706842283
Hey there fellow NA bretheren
Left the best woman I'll ever know. Still trying to get her back.
>work at kfc taco bell for 2 years
>never let me take orders
>always cooking
>farmer snot everyday in beans
>farmer snot in slaw bag
>spit in food everyday
mfw: I get to watch people eat my snot and spit everyday. thanks you come again
>>706852668
TNB
One time..I drank the rest of my room mates chocolate milk, and then put the empty container back in the fridge. Shit was so cash
I would go to my friends house and whenever he and his family left. I'd go into his little sister's (was like 8 or 9) room and sniff her dirty panties.
Jacked off in her room and came on a pair.
Stole a pair.
And fucked her giant Barbie doll.
Puked in his shampoo bottle
i'm just stating. the offsprings are an issue I agree. the act of sex is fine...unless it's nigger.
>>706858124
No. No you didn't. Ya Fucking puss.
>>706861387
Panties are panties
>>706861217
that's why your on 4chan. so she'll see
>>706860376
PLEASE TELL US
This thread should be renamed "shit that didn't happen"
>>706861261
Can't you just do a Fucking job? What kinda faggot gets kicks from doing that dumb ads shit? Goddamn autist.
>>706861671
4chan makes me feel less empty, and there's nothing I can do now.
>>706861865
never put your feels in the butts of women
i spent almost two years guilting a confused asexual guy four years younger than me into fingering me/letting me suck his dick for my own gratification and chased off any girlfriends he got within weeks.he still claims he could have stopped it if he wanted but i knew he was easy to guilt and i manipulated him anyway.
feels bad man
I draw Chris-Chan teir porn on my math notes.
I don't seed torrents
>>706861990
I can't help it. I battled all my life to not become a fag, but I've been the greatest fag all along.
