ITT: Strange or autistic things you do behind closed doors
>bang my foot heel against the floor until it hurts like hell
>thinktalk to my imaginary girlfriend constantly
pick my nose and rub it on my chest
pluck my facial hair with my fingers
>Force breath/Force breathe manually
>say a a a a with my inner voice
>letting go and holding on with my body
>make mental inner triangles with my inner claws
>try to breathe love
>>706815490
Act like I'm going to fuck my dog but never do and pet him afterwards for trusting me
>>706815490
me does want more
>>706815490
I love to wear diapers when I'm alone
>>706815978
ok
>I still collect and play with legos as a 25 year old man
>i shit completely naked everytime
>
>>706815490
>press atomic farts out of my ass
I whipe my ass standing up
>>706816665
isnt that normal?
pretend to be a muscly shark online and ride dick
>>706816500
Shit naked is the best.
Also I smoke marihuana on apples that childrens give to me (I'm a teacher)
>>706816766
why
>>706816760
I thought that untill I commented with some friends. Everyone does that sitting. Sick people.
>>706816824
>smoke marihuana on apples that childrens give to me (I'm a teacher)
Nice
>>706816824
>I smoke marihuana on apples
Wut?
>>706815490
i jump on my backfeet on the wooden stairs in he house to angrify my neighbours
>pluck my nose hairs out with my fingers .
>talk to my self in different accents and have full conversations between them.
>when I'm home alone drinking I shout at the tv watching ancient aliens because it pissed me off.
>piss in the sink
>put my wifes dog in the tumble dryer for keks.
>this usually turns into full on animal abuse if I truly let my autistic side come out.
>soaked dog in water and then put it in the freezer for 15 minutes.
>dogs paws are frozen to the metal .
>pulled the dog out and bits of flesh are stuck to the bottem of the freezer.
>holy shit what have I done .
>clean up evidence before family return .
>>706817154
I do this over and over in my throat. I can stop myself from doing it if I concentrate on not doing it, but even then sometimes one slips out.
>>706817154
He uses an apple like a pipe
>>706815490
I talk to myself constantly. I am aware that most people talk to themselves from time to time, but I literally talk to myself all day long. It's a 14-hours-a-day-monologue... no joke
I might just be lonlier than I think.
http://vocaroo.com/i/s1uMd5MiQwRk
I make this noise with my throat repeatedly. Can't help it, hard to stop myself.
>>706817349
get help /bro and look for a therapist seriously.
nothing respectable on what you did
i hate you
I usually scratch my sweaty asshole and lick the finger clean afterwards
>>706816824
Do you live in a cartoon book? Where in the world do students still give teachers apples? I'm a teacher too and no student has ever given me an apple. If one did, I'd give that student a detention for being so cliché
>>706815490
Sudden ticks where I curse or make a weird sounds, usually happens when I think of cringey things I've done.
I never do this in public, but I fear I'll one day.
>>706817760
>>706817714
check them dubs
>I wash my face with my urine every morning
>I have endless fantasies of being victimized
>I understand its fucking stupid but i cant stop myself
>Im trying to do something creative, but i instanly jump into my own fantasies where i get rewarded
>>706815490
Before eating an apple I toss it into the air and headbutt it onto a bed or other soft surface.
>>706815490
>fuck my ass with my fav vibrator on a near daily basis, imagining I'm a little kid enjoying it
>chew on toenail clippings
>suck on my thumb. it's relaxing
>everytime I'm nervous about a meeting or whatever (social anxiety) I tell myself that it doesn't matter because I will kill myself later anyway. it calms me down
>love to rub my fingers through my asscrack and smell them
>>706817349
>pluck my nose hairs out with my fingers
that I do too
>>706818008
checking my own dubs, very niice.
>>706818102
Dubs is the last two numbers the same. Spaz
>>706817369
what's the point if you got a J rolled up anyway?
stupid hippie
crisp pic though
cross my ankles and constantly rub my toes together. i do it so much i have fucking calluses
>>706816500
>>i shit completely naked everytime
That is the absolute best.
>>706818096
>>everytime I'm nervous about a meeting or whatever (social anxiety) I tell myself that it doesn't matter because I will kill myself later anyway. it calms me down
I know this well and let me tell you, you need to get rid of it, you need to realize that isn't "security".
>>706818008
>>706818102
Lurk more newfag
>>706818652
No you faggot bitch
I imagine a miniature person doing parkour whenever i get REALLY bored and apply actual physics to the parkour the person does. Like i'd imagine this 5 inch tall person running around my room jumping from place to place. This usually happens when my mind goes blank and drifts into random crap and always ends up there.
>>706818853
Well, at least I know what dubs are q
>>706818530
Its about sending a message
I nod and mouth "yes" a few times whenever I'm alone and get a good idea.
>>706815769
>"say a a a a with my inner voice
What does it mean bro?"
- I only shower on the dark
- I put my chocolate bars on the freezer and only eat them when they have glass-like properties
http://static-media189.tumblr.com/post/149604786126/
>>706815769
Do you speak english?
>>706815490
I say little things to myself, like "Cold out today. Yeah, no shit." and after seeing the LoTR trilogy started adding "precious," just because it made me giggle, me sounding mad and all. Decade or so later it's still habit, so now when I'm alone I walk around the house saying shit like, "Hair's getting a bit long, precious. Yes, precious. Very long indeed."
I keep up appearances to the point that everyone thinks I'm normal, have a long term girlfriend etc. but I'm actually kind of a basket case underneath it all. I also piss in bottles and store them under the bed because I can't be bothered to get up to piss. Literally takes ten steps to get from my bed to the bathroom.
>>706818910
I actually may start doing this now.
> wear girls panties sometimes after taking a shower to see how I'd look
> put things in my butt while watching dickgirls getting rammed
> use emoticons shout when playing games and act like a girl
>>706819058
Showering in the dark master race.
Pretty sure everyone does this, but when I'm alone I shout when talking and swear pretty much every sentence. I tend to laugh a lot as well.
wash my ass out with the shower hose
>>706819301
*alot, not shout
>>706815490
welp, thats autism alright
>>706818959
nuh uh I do
grab boobs when alone
>feelsgood.jpg
>>706817714
I usually do something like that too. With my throat and the inside of my nose.
>>706817714
My dad does this. Used to drive me fucking crazy being sat watching tv with him.
I used to when I was in my mid teens. No idea how I stopped but it's been like a decade.
I put my hand up to my bare asshole and let out a fart than smell my hand.
I eat my own pubes and ass hair, every day
>>706819745
Yeaah! exactly
>>706819760
Welp guess I'm gonna end up driving people crazy.
>>706819692
Nope, you definitely don't, proven in the earlier posts
>>706819709
nice
>>706819823
we used to call that a cupcake
>>706819301
Maybe you're just a transgirl
>>706819010
and that message would be? marihuanas and appools both grow in the ground.
>>706819709
you'd have to be pretty fat to have boobs faggot
>>706815814
Fuuuuuuuck.
>>706819010
ah, the message of faggotry i see
>>706820005
*a mentally ill person
>>706819709
show em
Constantly touch my gfs asshole and smell it...
>>706819709
I dothat aswell, but mine doesn't exist
>feelsbadman
>>706817714
I do this because my tonsils are fuckin huge and the back of my throat is always in discomfort, it helps me for some reason
>>706815814
Lol wtf
>>706820157
Don't cut yourself on that edge, faggot
>>706815814
Top kek
>>706820319
>trans
>not mentally ill
Pick one.
>>706820005
I guess maybe I am, but still feels pretty autistic
>>706815490
>Any hair reaching below lip line from my moustache, I bite and tear out, one by one.
>I shit completely naked
> tap my asshole w/ middle finger after shitting to check for poop, post wiping.
>>706820319
Gender dysphoria is literally a mental illness. He was being factual, not edgy.
>>706818910
I imagine the road as a low gravity stunt course for cars when im traveling
i touch my cat and dogs noses while they are sleeping. they have a nice squishy feel like padded leather
>>706815490
practise my throatsinging. also masturbating while pooping
>>706818910
I do this as a passenger in the car. It's not a mini person but same idea. I have been doing this since I was really young. I get bored too easily
>>706819256
Underrated post
>if i happen to tap my finger or lick only one side of my mouth i have to make it equal and do the same thing on the other side and then sometimes i do one on purpose and make some imaginary art
>act out probable future social interactions so that I'm prepared when i have to do them
>practice manners and formalities (basically same as the above but more formal)
>>706819709
I'll grab them for you
>>706821022
YES YES YES
I do fucking all of those.
>>706818088
youuuuuuuu may be a retard
i play with my eybrows.
i have fucking mentat style hueg eyebrows
>>706821215
Smooth operator over here
>>706818008
Back to school summer bitch
kinda hard to explain it but
>when listening to something i follow the words' rhythm by rubbing my upper and lower teeth together
>same but with breathing in and exhaling through my nose
>flick my fingers for no apparent reason
>scratching my balls
>setting up meetings with gay/trans and that shit of ppl, just to troll them never show up.
>nose-picking 24/7
>shit few times a day
>>706817349
>put my wifes dog in the tumble dryer for keks.
The fuck lmao
>>706819058
fuck yes the chocolate part is 10/10 i found my soulmate
when my toenails get long enough i tare them all the way off.
i have one that's almost ready.
i imagine myself being able to spin really fast like a balerina. like all the time....it's all i think about. i just want to spin fast. i just need to spin fast.
I won't shower for two weeks, then rub my musty balls in my dog's face. He gets really confused like he's trying to decide if he should show his dominance by mounting me or if he should stop smelling my balls because damn they rank.
>>706822463
Finally... I've been waiting for so long
Not telling my mom "thanks" when she brings me my Mountain Dew and tendies
>spend hours looking closely at every facial detail of my waifu
>rewatch every episode she appears in
>fap to her awkward smile
>>706822576
>when my toenails get long enough i tare them all the way off.
Me too, that's the most efficient way to go about it.
I glue fake toenails on my toes and sharpen them to make them look like something on a furry then I paint them black and fap while pretending I have lioness feet
>>706815490
I masterbate and can blow up to 5 loads within a minute of cuming the first time!!! It feels fucking amazing n puts me right to sleep after!!
>>706822576
>>706823068
You guys ripp your fucking toe nails out that's fucking brutal to the max
>draw maps
>make up languages, never finish them
>sing random vowels pretending you're speaking these not yet existing languages
>make up your own sounds that don't even occur in IPA
>read articles about linguistics and languages from nowhere like Greenland or Ryukyu Islands
>play Minecraft
>fap to furry, loli, gore
>argue that kemono≠furry and gore≠guro
>solve differential equations
>program in assembly
>program in esolangs
>make your own esoteric languages and write simple programs in them, never document and implement them tho
>try to learn to draw, forget about it after a few days of intensive training, cry how I'd love to draw but am not good enough and will never be, try again a few months later, repeat (pic rel was done in day 3 of such cycle
>try to learn game dev but never finish any project
>post on 4chan
>actually fail first year on uni twice because I shitpost on 4chan all the time instead of learning
>listen to folk, electro-industrial and EBM
>>706823542
It really isn't that bad, just saves time and prevents me from having to do a useless activity.
>>706821022
When I walk alone I have to look straight forward and a little bit to the sky.
If I ever see the tip of my foot, I have to overstride with the other leg to balance it. And then try not do it again. Shit sucks. I used to be the guy who stared at the ground while walking so maybe it came from tha.
>piss in bottles and hoard them in my room
>keep plates forever
>conversations with imaginary clones of myself that have different personalities
>hold imaginary guns in elevators as if shit is gonna pop off
>fire imaginary guns at imaginary targets
>everything in my room is a cum rag
I could go on I'm a piece of shit
I'm a straight guy but every once in a while I go to the "arcades" and stick my dick in the glory hole and let someone suck me off
>>706823276
You are beyond saving
Click my elbow many times a day
When I read something in a dream it's always gibberish, but I can see the word, but can't read it properly
Wash ass in sink after shit
Fantasise to be impotent
When I shift gears in the car I make an aaahhhh , aaeehh sound.
After a awkward social encounter I replay it in my head and so that I say the right things
>>706824584
>Clearing corners with a finger gun while alone
We operate now.
But seriously respect your fucking room.
>>706824874
I want to. I mega clean once every few months but then it gets back to this again :(. I drink to the point of blacking out nearly every night and I wake up to a bunch of new mess and I rarely do anything about it
Talk to myself like I'm my own therapist. I go pretty damn in depth too. I thought that shit was weird. You anons made me feel allot better
>>706825030
Make it a point to not spend your excess time in your own room. And please don't become an alcohol, anon.
>>706825224
It may be too late. I'm only 26 tho and I did stop for six months once cus of jail and I much prefer who I am sober so I know I can quit I am just the laziest motherfucker. I get anxious and just say fuck it.
>>706825135
I try to talk to myself, but I'm a douchebag who doesn't listen to himself.
So one night I realized if I talk to the mirror I'm not talking to myself, it's me talking to myself. I got pretty scared of him but he's just looking out for me. And I've never heard me being so honest.
>>706816500
there is no such word as legos. individual pieces are called LEGO Bricks.
>>706825411
>I much prefer who I am sober so I know I can quit
>SO
It doesn't go like that
>>706817852
>this shit never happens
>when it happens it's cliché
Teacher, do you know what cliché is?
>>706825633
As in, I know I can get through the day without alcohol. It's an impulse control issue at this point
>>706821901
Are you me?
Also:
>I'm always moving my feet as in playing some drum pedals, even tho I never played drums.
>>706820939
Same here
>>706821901
kurt cobain used to grind his teeth/clench his jaw in time with what he was playing when he wasnt singing.
>>706820939
Me too. Usually they have special abilities like Jedi
When I jack off I yell out that I'm cumming. But when I Fuck my gf I stare at her with a straight face and grunt haha
>>706825966
I do this too. But I do play drums
>>706820939
>>706826007
do this after snowboarding... the whole ride back, and for a few days afterwards I picture little guy doing tricks and shit off everything
>>706817349
You fucking asshole leave the poor thing alone!
>>706826149
That's called grinning and it's a result of drug abuse.
>>706825749
Yeah, I'm like that with heroin. I can quit any time I just don't feel like it yet.
wear my wife's panties after she's left for work for the day. i work from home.
>>706816951
>>706816760
>>706816665
god fucking damnit, I can never tell if these are trolls and this is some fingerbox level shit.
>>706826464
Why can't they make men's underwear thus soft? I used to rub my dick on my gf mom's panties and I'd cum in them and put em back
>>706826571
i know, right? it's nothing silky or lacy or anything like thongs. just regular cute, soft cotton panties.
>>706817349
>>pulled the dog out and bits of flesh are stuck to the bottem of the freezer
please get some help ok? there is something off about you.
>>706816766
seconded life?
>>706815490
shout NIGGERNIGGERNIGGER and SUCKA COCK SUCKADICK while im driving.
not just when i'm pissed off at someone but completely at random
>pretend im dead sometimes and just randomly lay on the floor for like 20 minutes
>pretend there's a war going on and take cover under the window, and then shoot the enemies and slide over the bed like some tom cruise shit
>beat up teddy bears for no reason
>feel sympathetic for the teddy bears
>prank call the random indian scammer guys on skype for no reason
>go down the stairs like exorcist
>>706817349
I can handle a lot of stuff but cruelty to animals is over the line. They depend on you for safety, even if you don't like them.
Going over scenarios that could happen in the future. Mainly bad ones. This has lead to me not getting close to any kind of reaction from watching bad shit happen. Doesn't feel like living atleast
>>706819361
Fucking same m8
>bend over my desk, spread my legs and touch myself while rubbing my dick against the PC screen
>lay on my bed and twerk or wiggle for 20 mins
>insert random things in my ass
>reenact solo porn videos
>massage my ass with oil
>trying to strip on a pole I have in my house
>wearing my gfs panties most of the time
>play with my buttplug then suck it
>rub my dick against random things
>spit massage my dick
>>706826863
sounds like a good time
declared not retarted, just really childish
>>706817349
kill youself you disgusting piece of shit
I'm an extremely normal guy with a hot gf and I go to college. I also live in a frat house, i'm very sociable and not retarded like some people in this thread. It's honestly hilarious knowing how retarded the human race actually is behind closed doors because we all do autistic stupid shit when we aren't around others.
I do this bullshit:
Pick my nose and eat it
>Nobody knows i do this, I've done it since a little kid.
If i scratch my ass i'll smell it. Same with the side of my nuts or if i rub sweat off my dick into my hand on accident.
Chew the shit out of my fingernails and eat them. I don't know why, it developed as a nervous habit but i only do it when my fingernails are long now. I do the same with my toenails. Idk when the last time i've used a clipper for either of my hands or feet.
I feel like its genetic proof that we came from apes.. They do these behaviors all the time.
>>706826941
Forgot the peta losers were here. Fuckin bitches can't rough something else up besides your dicks
>>706828171
Same.
>>706816665
>>706826551
its real as mayonaise
I let's play to myself while playing WOW
>piss in bottles
>talk to myself
>wish i had friends
>get blackout drunk near daily
>>706826863
>beat up teddy bears for no reason
>feel sympathetic for the teddy bears
That's golden
allow my dog to lick my buthole b4 i jizz
>>706815490
>think talk to a fake group of friends when I play video games
>>706828951
>tfw you will never have anyone giving you a rimjob, not even animals
How does it feel. Please tell me.
>>706817852
Congratulations, you're a horrible teacher. When kids look back at graduation none of them will ever think of you in a positive light, if they think of you at all. Kill yourself before you manage to snuff out any children's dreams.
>>706825135
i do this too. not out loud just in my head
>>706817349
Holy shit, Anon imagine how hellishly painful that shit would be, why would you do it? Fucking psychopath
>>706829219
fucking great because sometimes she just grazes the hair and then licks the rim.
feel great
>>706821337
THAT GET!
>>706817349
Does no one wonder why doggo is afraid of you?
Not judging though, any dog small enough to fit in a freezer is an annoying fuck.
>>706828222
>abuse someones dog for fun
>call other bitches
Honestly, maybe youre infact a married adult but mentally youre still in elementary school :) Friendly adivce - abusing weaker creatures doesnt make you rugged, manly, badass or tough - its actually completely opposie - so sorry, you didnt impress anyone, youre just a pathetic coward having serious respect issues :)
>>706828951
>>706829462
>you'll never have a partner shoving their tongue deep in your ass and let you do the same
>>706825135
Yes! That's hilarious
Have 2 toys (A batman and Mr. Freeze) that are all busted and broken, hands chewed up from dogs, legs/feet busted off. I "Play" with these toys, make stories in my head and they are my actors. Sort of like watching a movie or playing a game you made. Sometimes i copy movies or game plots and mold the story to my liking. I've had them since I was 6 (Now early 20's) and when I play, its not like a shild playing with toys. I raise them to my head and have one in each hand, wiggling them and grasping/squeezing them, and my mind goes off into this world. I go blind, and it feels very satisfying. Almost like a high. It's pretty fucked up and only a few members of my family know of it. its kind of played off like a joke, but i know its fucked. Just too addicitng
>>706829799
Dubz dont lie. Kys
~heaven
>>706816760
it is if your 5 years old kid
>>706815490
>Walk around with dick out to scare off ghosts
>Talk to myself
>>706815490
Having hair in my asscrack seems un-hygenic, and using a shaver seems really faggy. So I just rip it out.
>>706823774
Clean up your life, you have potential
>>706828171
>Pick my nose and eat it
Doing it the efficient way, META. Same
>>706829219
rimjobs are awesome. I meet with trannys sometimes off of meetme, and they usually love doing it.
>>706830797
Go ahead and give it a pull. Nowhere near as much resistance as you'd think.
>>706830670
>and using a shaver seems really faggy.
I agree with that, but I still occasionally shave my ass. not for anyones benefit but my own
>>706817714
Dogger?
Masturbate to hidden cam pics of my mom
I've started cuddling a pillow when I go to sleep. Not even a weeaboo or anything but it feels good.
>>706830683
I'm too lazy and autistic.
>>706831431
That is totally normal?
>>706815490
>Call my friends on payphones
>Talk in foreign languages
>Pretend im someone else
>See if it works
Managed to fool them 8/10 times
Also
>Smell female comrades clothes when they leave them here
>Smell my own clothes
>Defrag my pc 5 times in a row
>>706831647
Seems a bit faggy to me. I'd rip the shit out of somebody if they mentioned doing it, hypocrisy be damned.
>>706831431
I do this as well. Makes me feel like a real winner.
>friends on steam message me
>try to pretend I'm dead and my parents are checking my pc and steam
>respond to them telling who is it and how I died
>wait for their reaction
Then I just tell them someone hacked my account. Yes, it's very autistic.
>>706831343
well shit you sick twisted fuck, share wif zee class!
>>706818088
This is the most normal thing here
>Not keeping the chocolate milk in the glass
>>706817863
I've started doing this tick where I'll shake my head from left to right really quick, to try and click my neck. I only do it in the house and when I'm walking upstairs for some bloody reason.
>>706815490
Watch my hands body and think how the fuck am i controlling this what am i doing inside this thing called body how did i end up here
>>706820319
>what is Gender Dysphoria
A literal fucking mental illness you cum-slurping jew.
>smell the sweat behind my balls
>talk to random objects in my room
>hide my boogers in weird places in public rest rooms
>piss jugs sometimes
>eat a whole package of salami (tell people i eat mostly vegetarian....lies)
>eat the dried mustard around the spout of the bottle
>yell at youtube constantly
>i could literally make fucked faces in the mirror for hours makes me feel awkward when co workers ask me how my day off was
>>706832806
What is Gender Dysphoria to you?
>>706832729
Odd, I clench my jaw when I'm walking up the stairs at home.
>>706817714
SAME
A mental illness that should be treated.
>>706815490
>wrap my dick in rolled up cotton and cloth tape because of dick psoriasis earlier this year, fearing that the skin is still sensitive and might burst open again
>fap with banana peels
>talk to myself in English and/or Japanese
>laugh at things I see online
>wipe and fold several times until the tissue is white
>>706817349
I piss in the sink on the reg.
I chew on my finger nails and I can't stop. It's not even something I do when I'm nervous. But I've don't it so long it doesn't matter.
>>706833893
I've fapped with luncheon meat before.
>>706820157
>>706820640
>>706820434
>>706832806
"It is important to note that gender nonconformity is not in itself a mental disorder. The critical element of gender dysphoria is the presence of clinically signicant distress associated with the condition." - DSM-5
>>706834178
I did when I was much younger. But, now that I know the value of a dollar, I've found more ways to be economic.
>can never look at bananas the same way again
>get excited in the Produce section
>>706817622
same dude
I let my problem lick my ass while I jack off, when I shoot my load I get him tout lick it off my face. Then I but fuck your mother......does that make me a bad person?
Used to fap to my sisters dirty panties.
https://soundcloud.com/cyranosweet/blades oseijcsd
>>706817622
Same i even debate to myself i take parts amd i fight to myself to make a point so often i don't agree with myself
>>706835006
Used to dress in my mothers.
I lick to butt fuck myself with a plunger.then Jack off on my mom's panties
>Always shit naked (even right now)
>Wipe after peeing as a guy
>>706819256
ahh a functioning degenerate
>>706835116
Now we both moved out. Live in different cities. Miss her panties.
>>706825529
They're legos, bitch.
I like to shit in the bathtub then play with it. Sometimes even eat a little while also eating my boogers. Also when I get a bloody nosemail I like to chew on the clot.
>>706816500
you're the absolute least autistic here
I put the tip of a condom in my ass and force as many ice cubes as I can without it bursting. I've gotten to 6. Then I turn on the oven and masturbate next to it- normally to rape/snuff/cp.
sit on the ceramic floor naked and bounce up and down like i'm riding a dick
the sound and feeling gets me rock hard
>>706820524
You are me and I am you
Curl my toes and then get a really annoying sensation in them afterwards if I don't continue to curl them.
>sometimes I stop myself from curling my toes for like 30 mins and I end up scratching my arm till I bleed a little
I don't even know
When I'm the passenger in a car and I'm looking out of the window, I mentally imagine I have a really long arm/pole sticking out of the window and I have to retract it then put it forward again every time I pass by a tree/post/etc.
>>706815490
Every now and then my wife lets me eat her poop. Sometimes she will surprise me with her poop on a plate. She doesn't really like doing it but she knows it makes me happy. We both feel a little bit weird about it after i'm done eating her poop, like we try and have a normal conversation afterward but I am thinking "i just ate her poop" and she is thinking "i can't believe he just ate my poop"
>>706815814
you made my day
I sit down when I piss at my house. Pissing while standing up often gets small splatters onto the floor, the seat, or even my feet. Regardless of how careful I piss a bit still splatters, so I just sit down. It's cleaner and easier and I'm a huge neat freak.
>>706815769
I can't understand any of this
When I'm alone i sing whole songs but replace every word with nigger or faggot and sometimes a combination.
>>706818008
Try again
>>706836064
This is completely normal, like most of the posts in this thread. Idiots
>>706818853
>tfw you're so new you think highschool insults carry weight
>>706819987
I thought it was called a buttercup...
>>706818910
I'm happy to know that someone else also does this autistic shit
ITT people telling lies/ mainly made up stories or things they do which actually are considered normal. People here are trying to be special for some attention on an imageboard, excellent.
>>706835991
YES
>>706836845
You do this?
>smoke myself into a coma everynight by 10
>get sudden burst of energy
>clean entire house and take a shower
>get high again
>pass out everymorning at 2:30 a.m. with a cigarette in my mouth
Every.Fucking.Night.
I also pretend to have a massive sword hanging out the side of a vehicle when I am a passenger, cutting down all the trees and buildings.
>>706819058
I do that with dark chocolate.
>>706817154
>being this new
>>706835108
...ok wut...
>>706832729
Same about the clicking with neck from left to right. I find it oddly satisfying and do it a little too much
>>706828171
same
>>706836014
Seems like that can be fixed with just a little joking here and there, maybe when you're done you can say "Ugh, *whatever she's been eating lately* again?" Or while you're eating and you notice she might be a bit weirded out just say "Oh don't worry! It's like eating a hersheys bar with the peanuts inside, except it's shit!"
I like to talk to myself but what I'll do is pretend to be interacting with other people and practice things I would say if they were to ever say something about whatever is on my mind. Just this morning I practiced how I would say hi to all the people I think I'm gonna meet today, and then think about how any conversation with them would go if it went beyond just hi. Also I'm actually pretty sure almost every guy does this but when i meet another guy I always imagine how I would beat him up if I had to, but instead of using my own skills I give myself these imaginary kung fu legend skills so I'll never lose.
I dip my fries in milkshake at Maccy D's.
Technically public but whatever.
>>706835175
the second one is normal tbh
>>706837430
>"Oh don't worry! It's like eating a hersheys bar with the peanuts inside, except it's shit!"
Do you honestly think this will help?
>>706817852
>I'd give that student detention
Yeah? No fuckin apples for you then, cunt
i discuss sometimes with myself
i imagine that there is another person with a diffrent view on a topic, and i talk to that person until i get bored or notice how lonely i am
>>706822576
Spin my dude. I believe in you.
>>706836971
doing the same with the sword lol
>>706835731
Me again,
BEFORE EVERYBODY PETA'S ME hear me out.
I used to force feed my dog the red M&M's like they were pills and it would make him sick as fuck.
>Be me
>Be about 6 years old
>be waiting at crosswalk before metro
>Old crazy homeless woman next to me and dad with tiny dog starts walking into traffic
>freak out cause 6 and spit up M&Ms
>Everyone's screaming
>she regains consciousness and darts back onto sidewalk
>Tiny dog gets hit by fucking car, brains come through eye sockets
>Blood fucking everywhere.
>we start to cross anyway next to dog, i'm shellshocked
>If I remember my dad was screaming at me, old lady was also screaming
>Next day try to eat more M&Ms, nearly vomit
>begin to self medicate with M&Ms
>starts working, can't eat red M&Ms, they remind me too much of brain in eye sockets
>think to self: this will fix old dead dog as tribute or something like it'll fix new dog who was also scarred
BEFORE YOU START, DON'T. I was fucking 6.
>dog gets VERY SICK every time he eats them, stops eating them after a while
>take his resistance as fear and think- if he can just PUSH THROUGH IT he'll get through it too.
>He dies of cancer
>>706817863
Oh yeah bud, I hear that. Even with really little things I've done years ago that I'm sure no one remembers but I can't stop remembering it and being embarrassed by it. I'll usually say some variation of: "you fucking idiot" or "I wanna fucking die/kill yourself". Sometimes I can't control it but I hope no one catches me, could be bad haha.
>>706836948
There's that but also i imagine seeing myself like goku or some shit and running on the side of the road dodging shit.
>>706815490
>imagining that i interview stars or talk to people about my problems
>>706837558
You can put your own spin on it I dunno, but I know a sense of humor can fix almost any awkward situation. Besides, your mouth is already full of shit, what would you have to lose?
>>706819058
let your voicebox tick over one tiny "a" at a time (pronounced "ah")
dress in sisters clothing and makeup and prance around like a little slut. I've used a barbie doll as a sex toy. I've also used my 12 oz co2 tank for my paintball gun as a dildo.
>>706836478
I called them airbiscuits
>>706817863
doing the same things followed with suicidical thoughts
>>706837786
Should have died from chocolate.
>>706819256
kek about the precious thing
>>706816824
best not be teaching english
>>706838084
Now there is screaming in my head you faggot thanks.
>>706837558
>>706838073
Oh and remember, girls like confidence. If you can be confident with a mouth full of shit AND you can bust jokes while doing it? She'll probably stay with you forever
>>706815490
To help myself sleep, I role-play in my bedroom before bed with the lights out, often pretending I was chosen for some kind of futuristic mission to populate another planet, and my bed is a cryogenic sleep chamber. It often involves deep conversations with other "characters", but I'm just talking to myself.
>>706815490
argue with myself on 4chan to bump threads
>>706838589
no you dont faggot
>>706838628
fuck you newfag
>>706837449
i can't help but imagine you as a steriotypical fat american
>>706838266
Dogs don't work like that. They don't just "poof" dead after they eat chocolate.
>>706836971
Holy shit as a child I pretended the car had chainsaws all the way to the horizon that would fuck up everything I saw
Sometimes with an imaginary dude running away in front of us
Not even memeing
>>706815490
touch my foot and lick it, gets me hard. sometimes i also do foot masturbation, where i rub my dick on my foot
>>706838589
>>706838628
>>706838667
we get it.
>>706838709
no you dont
I only ejaculate in to empty water bottles and cups/glasses now. Started doing it as a teen and Im still doing it a decade later. Much easier for me to fap while on my knees.
>>706838872
yes, he does fag.
>>706818910
I do this when I'm on the bus or in a car too; somehow it's always been the sergeant from small soldiers.
Why
>>706836014
pic related is 'HotScatWife' - doubt it's anons wife.
>>706833252
>>eat the dried mustard around the spout of the bottle
fuck my mother in laws shoes and jizz all over them and watch her put her shoes on with my sticky cum all over them, blame dogs slobber
>>706838991
oh my god thats the most putrid and disgusting thing i've ever heard
>>706838676
same way you don't "poof" die from alcohol poisoning..
I sometimes moan really fucking loud when I am alone.
My landlord told me to stop because the neighbors were concerned.
>>706816500
Legos are nothing autistic, 20 y/o never stopped
>>706815490
>make gun noices all the time
Thats the worst one
I fart in my hand and throw it in my dogs face. When I'm with my friends I do it to them.
>>706833252
>eat dried mustard off the spout
Nigga why
>>706838909
heh..
>Pluck beard hairs with fingers
>Purposely don't shower for a few days so I grow these thick blonde underball pubes that I enjoy cutting off and inspecting.
>Cum into bottle just to see how much then pour down sink
>Wear same pants every day to work cause I like ball stink
>Grow fingernails and toenails nails super long cuz I hate to cut off part of me
>>706822617
>damn they rank
Stop with the nigger speak. Unless of course you are a nigger, in which case, carry on.
>>706815490
Fellow tulpamancer reporting in. Who will love you more than an imaginary gf?
>>706839374
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
>>706817349
You deserve to be shot
>>706838965
did you think he was gonna post a picture of his wife with a plate full of shit
>>706826637
hanes her way make me blow it
>>706817349
you deserve to die horribly
>>706825030
You have potential. Wanna be my boyfriend?
>>706835006
why did you stop, i still do.
I shit naked, like I take off all of my clothes before I take a shit.
>>706838672
Nah, I'm a stereotypical fat brit
