ITT we all work in the same office.
WHO UNPLUGGED THE ETHERNET AGAIN?
>>706642538
Anyone know how to uninstall the recycling bin?
Who the fuck keeps turning the air conditioner on!?
Out of coffee, again? This is the third day in a row!
>>706642936
Yeah dude you have to delete System 32. It's easy I'll show you.
Why is the office 75% women?
Remember, Fridays we clean out the office refrigerator.
Please take your cum-bottles home by end of day Friday or they will get thrown out.
>>706642936
>retard doesn't know how to uninstall the recycling bin
>probably can't uninstall the start menu
who hired the amateur LOL
>>706642538
OP, stop eating all of the morning doughnuts
It's one per person
This thread would be way better suited for /g/
*sweating intensifies*
If someone asks to borrow my stapler one more time...
>>706642538
why did you fart?
>>706643246
>none of the computers even run a free distribution of GNU+Linux
>nobody runs Gentoo
>plebs
>>706642538
Hey can you sign this card for Harambe? It's his birthday today.
>>706643267
hey anon you got a pen I could borrow?
>>706643444
I don't even know Harambe. What do I write?
What a dumb idea
>>706642538
Who took a shit on my cubicle?
>>706643488
A lot of people just wrote "dicks out." I dunno what that means but I just went along.
>>706643490
Anon, being a member of the workforce, you need to be part of situations that make you feel uncomfortable sometimes. Now go out there and be a team player!
Basically a huge accidental bukkake tbh.
>>706643551
Okay, I guess.
"Dicks out, lots of love.
- Anon."
Oh god, here comes gay steve.
it conference https://discord.gg/JhyvZB9
>>706643647
Can you give that to Brenda when you're done? She's the only one that hasn't signed it yet.
Fuck this I'm playing Ace Attorney instead of working
Hay, guiiiiiiise!
>>706643367
I'd just like to interject for a moment. What you're referring to as Linux,
is in fact, GNU/Linux, or as I've recently taken to calling it, GNU plus Linux.
Linux is not an operating system unto itself, but rather another free component
of a fully functioning GNU system made useful by the GNU corelibs, shell
utilities and vital system components comprising a full OS as defined by POSIX.
Many computer users run a modified version of the GNU system every day,
without realizing it. Through a peculiar turn of events, the version of GNU
which is widely used today is often called "Linux", and many of its users are
not aware that it is basically the GNU system, developed by the GNU Project.
There really is a Linux, and these people are using it, but it is just a
part of the system they use. Linux is the kernel: the program in the system
that allocates the machine's resources to the other programs that you run.
The kernel is an essential part of an operating system, but useless by itself;
it can only function in the context of a complete operating system. Linux is
normally used in combination with the GNU operating system: the whole system
is basically GNU with Linux added, or GNU/Linux. All the so-called "Linux"
distributions are really distributions of GNU/Linux.
>>706643707
Sure, I'll get on that.
>>706643769
Steve! That's a sharp looking suit! What's that, coral or salmon?
>>706642538
WHO FILLED THE WATER COOLER WITH DIET DR. PIBB.
I FUCKING HATE DIET DR PIBB, IT ISN'T EVEN REAL ROOT BEER!
>>706643769
Looking fab Steve!
>>706643769
Hi Steve...
>>706643833
Cock head pink.
You must have an eye for fashion. Not too bad looking either. ;-)
>>706643769
Great suit Steve! Your wife has great taste!
>>706643986
Hehe... Yeah...
>>706642538
GUYS TED ATE MOLLY'S ASS AT THE OFFICE PARTY LAST NIGHT!
>>706643806
No, Richard, it's 'Linux', not 'GNU/Linux'. The most important contributions that the FSF made to Linux were the creation of the GPL and the GCC compiler. Those are fine and inspired products. GCC is a monumental achievement and has earned you, RMS, and the Free Software Foundation countless kudos and much appreciation.
Following are some reasons for you to mull over, including some already answered in your FAQ.
One guy, Linus Torvalds, used GCC to make his operating system (yes, Linux is an OS -- more on this later). He named it 'Linux' with a little help from his friends. Why doesn't he call it GNU/Linux? Because he wrote it, with more help from his friends, not you. You named your stuff, I named my stuff -- including the software I wrote using GCC -- and Linus named his stuff. The proper name is Linux because Linus Torvalds says so. Linus has spoken. Accept his authority. To do otherwise is to become a nag. You don't want to be known as a nag, do you?
Who keeps flushing my shots down the toilet I leave.... I'm doing something for science.
I know I have a penis but I am 200% female and should be able to use which ever bathroom I want! You guys cool with that?
(An operating system) != (a distribution). Linux is an operating system. By my definition, an operating system is that software which provides and limits access to hardware resources on a computer. That definition applies whereever you see Linux in use. However, Linux is usually distributed with a collection of utilities and applications to make it easily configurable as a desktop system, a server, a development box, or a graphics workstation, or whatever the user needs. In such a configuration, we have a Linux (based) distribution. Therein lies your strongest argument for the unwieldy title 'GNU/Linux' (when said bundled software is largely from the FSF). Go bug the distribution makers on that one. Take your beef to Red Hat, Mandrake, and Slackware. At least there you have an argument. Linux alone is an operating system that can be used in various applications without any GNU software whatsoever. Embedded applications come to mind as an obvious example.
Next, even if we limit the GNU/Linux title to the GNU-based Linux distributions, we run into another obvious problem. XFree86 may well be more important to a particular Linux installation than the sum of all the GNU contributions. More properly, shouldn't the distribution be called XFree86/Linux? Or, at a minimum, XFree86/GNU/Linux? Of course, it would be rather arbitrary to draw the line there when many other fine contributions go unlisted. Yes, I know you've heard this one before. Get used to it. You'll keep hearing it until you can cleanly counter it.
You seem to like the lines-of-code metric. There are many lines of GNU code in a typical Linux distribution. You seem to suggest that (more LOC) == (more important). However, I submit to you that raw LOC numbers do not directly correlate with importance. I would suggest that clock cycles spent on code is a better metric.
>>706644078
WAIT REALLY? THAT'S AWESOME!
>>706643947
Hey Steve can you help me bring some shit up to my cubicle. I just bought a new monitor and headphones so I can watch anime whilst 'working' but I'm weak as fuck.
>>706643806
For example, if my system spends 90% of its time executing XFree86 code, XFree86 is probably the single most important collection of code on my system. Even if I loaded ten times as many lines of useless bloatware on my system and I never excuted that bloatware, it certainly isn't more important code than XFree86. Obviously, this metric isn't perfect either, but LOC really, really sucks. Please refrain from using it ever again in supporting any argument.
Last, I'd like to point out that we Linux and GNU users shouldn't be fighting among ourselves over naming other people's software. But what the heck, I'm in a bad mood now. I think I'm feeling sufficiently obnoxious to make the point that GCC is so very famous and, yes, so very useful only because Linux was developed. In a show of proper respect and gratitude, shouldn't you and everyone refer to GCC as 'the Linux compiler'? Or at least, 'Linux GCC'? Seriously, where would your masterpiece be without Linux? Languishing with the HURD?
If there is a moral buried in this rant, maybe it is this:
Be grateful for your abilities and your incredible success and your considerable fame. Continue to use that success and fame for good, not evil. Also, be especially grateful for Linux’s huge contribution to that success. You, RMS, the Free Software Foundation, and GNU software have reached their current high profiles largely on the back of Linux. You have changed the world. Now, go forth and don't be a nag.
Thanks for listening.
>>706643444
>>706643551
>>706643707
>>706643833
>>706643986
>mfw this is all me, and I actually work in an office, and this is every. fucking. day.
>kill me.
>>706643851
I'm so flattered!
>>706643940
Hey, buddy. :-)
>>706644259
I'm probably just as weak. You'd need to ask a big, sweaty muscle man to help you. Sorry, hon.
GENERAL MANAGER JUST ARRIVED EVERYONE LOOK BUSY FOR FUCK SAKE
>>706642538
so...who is bringing what for the potluck at the end of the month?
>>706644465
oh golly gee these taxes are super hard to calculate oh wow oh jesus hmmm wow
>>706644228
We asked her and she said she was blacked! So we told her "we already know you're black."
>>706644420
so... how's life?
>>706644546
Absolutely fabulous, thank you for asking. How've you been?
Why won't you let me die?
-Alex, IT
>>706644465
HOW THE FUCK DO I USE A CALCULATOR
>>706644610
Ask Alex from IT. He knows stuff about electronic stuff.
GOD DAMMIT PHIL, STOP SENDING ME PHOTOS OF GABE-LINCOLN
>>706644534
Good one, John! Haha.
>>706644605
Alright, alright. Working. You know.
>>706644610
JESUS CHRIST PHIL STOP HORSE ASSING AROUND AND DON'T GIVE ME ANY OF YOUR SHIT
>>706644534
HAHAHAHAHAH! NICE! HAHAHAH!
WOW, YOU GUYS SURE PARTY HARD, HUH? I HOPE YOU DON'T MIND IF I JUST HANG AROUND WITH YOU GUYS FOR A BIT.
HahAhahahah.
>>706644420
No problem Steve. Know any big guys? Can't find Bane?
WHO THE FUCK STOLE MY LUNCH
IT WAS IN THE FRIDGE WITH MY NAME ON IT FFS
I heard Jacks wife left him
whoever it is, please stop nominating Deez nuts as employee of the month.
-David, HR.
Bahaha look at autismo joe over there white knighting the fuck of the Office ho thinking he's gonna get some. Not even Gina will sleep with you joe now go back to your cubicle!
ALEX FROM IT TEACH ME HOW TO USE A CALCULATOR
>>706644780
I've known plenty of big guys, though I can't seem to remember their names.
>>706644829
Phil in accounting says "NEVARRRR"
WHO THE FUCK IS COOKING BROCCOLI and eating at his deskI!!! asshole!
>>706644805
Sorry Bill I tried to stop Chad but he knocked me over and called me a beta bitch.
>>706644937
Fucking Chad. Fuck that guy.
oh shit i think he hard me
>>706644770
You work here?
>>706644998
heard but probably hard too
DID YOU FUCK THE BOSS!?
HOW?
Did you hear about the newfag they just hired? Kid doesn't even know what kek means
>>706644678
>>706644862
For the last time, I am not a fucking trap you faggots. I am a goddamned woman.
-Alex, IT
PS. I already told you a half hour ago. Why doesn't management kill me already?
>>706645029
YES ANNOYED BLACK MAN I WORK HERE TOO, HAHAH. JUST HAVING A LAUGH, LIKE FRIENDS DO, RIGHT? HEHAHAH.
>>706644895
GOD DAMMIT Phil, not this again.
I can't seem to figure out this new timecard system. Can anyone help?
>>706645120
Why doesn't he get a clue
>>706645174
I-I SURE CAN, SENPAI.
>>706645029
Yes I am new here my last employer fired me because i had hit his nigger wife
>>706645174
ALEEEEEEX, UH WE NEED HELP OVER HERE
>>706643444
Get me a jar of ink and I make an imprint of my dick on it!
>>706644998
Why the fuck does he work here? I called him a retard when he infected the server with a Trojan (was downloading desktop strippers) and he fucking knocked me out
>>706645174
I like spagetti I mean it's pretty easy to figure sauce everywhere out you just have to meat balls and marinara before you punch your number in then limp noodles everywhere
him - Did you hear, another fucking office couple happened last night....
me - *sigh*, jeesus fucking christ, another one sleeping with the dep manager, this is the third dude in 2 years.... do these guys not see how fucking ugly she is. They're not gonna get ahead by doing this, just get head.
>>706645174
Laura, if you want dick, just ask these virgin faggots. If you want IT help, see me. If you want lesbian sex, also see me.
-Alex, IT
>>706645316
Ssssh. His dad's the boss. Don't let him hear you.
>>706645120
I'm telling HR you called me black!
"SAMMY, THE GUY JUST CALLED ME BLACK. I WANT HIM GONE!!!!!"
Why does the coffee taste so salty today?
>>706645409
Haha, good one man! Really enjoy your sense of humor, dude.
>>706645316
THAT WAS CHAD? THAT TOOK THREE WEEKS TO FIX! I'M GONNA PAINT HIS BITCH ASS RED WITH HIS OWN BONE MARROW!
-Alex, IT
-lets go for a coffee break.
-sure, where?
-down the fucking road, to get away from these tards.
>>706645409
A-Alex, you can turn my software into h-hardware any time, huehue.
>>706645409
GOD DAMN IT ALEX, just leave why are you here.
>>706644998
He, fucking snerd-burglar, I'll eat your goddamn lunch every day as long as you keep forgetting to pay your protection fee you beta bitch.
>>706645334
Hehe thanks for the tips anon
>>706645674
s-sorry chad here you go i wasnt hungry anyway
>>706645587
BECAUSE IF I DON'T RUN IT, THE COMPANY WILL DIE. Also I'll tell the police about the fourth floor loli dungeon.
-Alex, IT
PS I'm taking a break on the fourth floor.
>>706642538
ALLAHU AKBAR!
Can I leave yet?
which bastard parked in my spot?
HEY GUYS, I FOUND THIS FUNNY XKCD COMIC. CHECK IT OUT!
Who wants doughnuts??
>>706645448
Shit fam.
Still pissed he stole my waifu...
>>706645970
YOU'RE THE BEST, ANON!
SWORD FIGHT 3RD FLOOR BATHROOM 3:30 SHARP
>>706645970
You got Greggs caramel custard ones?
They're the best
>>706645979
I mean, I could replace her, if you want. Most of these faggots won't fuck me because I don't have a dick. Also the fourth floor, but not my point.
-Alex, IT
>>706645798
No, go back to the annex, nobody wants you there for christ sake.
God damn it why can't we have good things
>>706646136
who versus who?
>>706646050
>>706646186
Anything for my workweek palz! You guys+doughnuts makes me reconsider blowing my brains out on occasion
>>706645970
Do you have the long jizz filled ones?
Don't give any to alex
>>706646235
IT'S BECAUSE I'M NOT A TRAP LIKE YOU DEPRAVED SHITS WANT?! I'M SORRY I DON'T HAVE A PENIS!
-Alex, IT
PS we may need some new lolis I angerfucked three to death.
>>706646357
Too late, I already got them all.
-Alex, IT
>>706646386
It's not because you're not a trap it's because you look like one but you arent
>>706646357
Yes sir here's a Jonny long with extra cream! Let's move this doughnut party to the storage closet before Alex and Chad notice
>>706646438
Heehee pssst Alex took the bait doughnuts eeehhheehhee
>>706646498
No, no just throw them away, they'll still eat them but at least we get to watch them eat out of trash
Please don't open email titled Cheese Pizza. It was sent to all of you by mistake! :^)
>>706643450
Sure, but I'm going to need it back by the end of the day.
That plane seems to be flying pretty low
>>706646565
Eehheehee he'll be tripping balls very soon and hopefully freak out. Maybe even fired!
>>706646631
It's for a parade I think
>>706646470
You mean I'm not photoshopped with a dick? Damn you, faggotry! I wanted some beta dick!
-Alex, IT
Are there any office rumors going around?
>>706642538
I fucking hate greg
Ahhhh shit printers out of toner, my hilloli motivational poster has been compromised
>>706646712
Yeah Jeff in accounting is Fucking Alex in IT
>How was your weekend?
>Too short, hohoho!
>Soon Friday again, huh?
Also
>implying /b/ wouldnt be the weird quiet guy
Hello fellow human co-workers, how are those charts looking.
>>706646681
Joke's on you! I've built a resistance to all drugs!
I am also in dire need of a new drug to try.
-Alex, IT
PS Opiates, really? You suck at drug choise.
>>706646222
I still need some time to get over her
Thanks anyway Alex
*secretly eats Tom's sandwich* heheeh
>>706646609
You've got it, pal.
>>706646791
Damn son!
>>706646791
If only. His constant "no!" And "please stop" and "I have a wife" crap ruined what could have been.
-Alex, IT
Who keeps forgetting to flush the Fucking toilet? I'm tired of seeing shit covered in cum
>>706646695
Alex, I think you'd look great with a dick.
Sincerely, Anon.
>>706646692
What parade is there in September, especially on a tuesday?
Btw what do you guys think of Britney spears? Huhhhh? ;)
>>706647016
Sorry. Jake from HR told me it was Donny from Sales' fetish.
-Alex, IT
>>706647057
Chad, I found you a new bitch-boy.
-Alex, IT
>>706647138
You know, it's getting awfully. Close. Do you think we should call somebody?
>>706647138
It's Wednesday and October you retard.
I'mma go back to reading JoJo
>>706647301
Fellow human co-worker, this is a place of work, we must strive to keep productive friend.
Yooo what's today's date?
Infadel Exterminator Four Seven Niner Six, This is MegaTechWhore. Please avoid this building, the pentagon is 10 blocks south of pur location.
If anyone needs me ill be in the bathroom cutting myself.
>>706647386
september ummm...the eleventh. 2001
>>706647481
Dammit. At least do it over the toilet
-Janitor
It would seem there was a network failure, I'm sure our fellow human co-workers have it handled by now though.
>>706647703
Hooray for the humans
>>706647531
Odd that you would include the year but I guess that's how us weird new yorkers are
>>706647784
Fellow human co-workers, someone left the door open and now there's a bear inside, let us work together to scare it off before it causes almost certain mayhem!
>>706647784
Yes, us humans are verayy technologically LMAOOOOOO advanced.
>>706647925
>>706647901
Looks like I'm fucking "humans" tonight against their will.
-Alex, IT
PS I'm forcing their dicks in my vagina, if you didn't get it.
>>706647901
I won't cause any trouble. I promise.
>>706642953
Its fucking hot anon
Anyone want to buy some xans?
>>706648007
Other fellow human co-workers, somebody please report Alex from IT to HR for inappropriate comments during hours of business.
Regards, Barry.
>>706648138
Bears spell out nothing but trouble in an orderly and professional environment which me and my fellow human co-workers share, please leave bear.
>>706648441
Tell HR anything, and I'll expose your true identity, "Beary".
-Alex, the all-seeing eye of IT
>>706648441
Agreed. Non-humanoids make for unstable working conditions, and that certainly won't do in our production chambers-- cubicles, our cubicles.
Hey guys, can you keep the noise down? I'm trying to work here.
>>706648441
>>706648676
This is discrimination! I'll will sue!
>>706648764
Same for you, "AlIen". You talk to HR, I expose you to Management.
-Alex, the flaming eye of IT
>>706648803
SIS SKUM
>>706648868
LET'S NOT DO SOMETHING WE'LL ALL ABSOLUTELY REGRET, DISGRUNTLED HUMANOID.
>>706648990
Agreed. You. Me. Fourth floor in the loli room. Twenty minutes. Go.
-Alex, the dark mage of IT
>>706642953
I know it so triggering
>>706648990
"Bear lives matter"
>>706648614
Fellow human co-worker, who is Beary?
>>706648676
This fellow human co-worker understands what it means to be a truly productive work environment!
>>706649068
Alex, I do not appreciate these obscene remarks you're making towards me and it makes me feel very uncomfortable.
>>706643267
This made me laugh uncontrollably
>>706649588
And I have threat of Management. Upstairs. Now.
-Alex, Semen demon of IT
Did you see that ludicrous display last night?
![emily-etherington-onsite-hr-rep[1].jpg](https://cdn.randomarchive.com/b/image/1475/653/1475653249887.jpg "emily-etherington-onsite-hr-rep[1]")
Hello everyone. I'm a consultant hired by human resources. Today, I'm going to be running a series of seminars on workplace conduct rules and sensitivity. We're trying to keep these things informal, so just choose the best one that works for you. Your attendance is mandatory.
>>706650600
Hello beautiful. You wanna know my secret identity??
I installed a keylogger on all desktops. Bro, you should see all the shit these people write.
>>706650600
Hi Emily.
Would it be inappropriate of me to ask if you might consent to allowing me to fist your sweet little shithole until it prolapses?
In any case, I look forward to working with you! I'm sure you have a lot to teach us.
I hate my job so much and dont mind a burning a few bridges so I've been surfing /b/ and /pol/ at work and ignoring my emails and jacking off in the bathroom for like 45 minutes at a time
fucking fire me goddammit this is exhilarating and annoying and oddly funny at this point
>>706642538
I POOP IN THE URINALS!!
>>706642538
CTRL-ALT-DELETE CTRL-ALT DELETE!!!!!!!!!
>>706651195
Get that shit off there. Your keylogger is shit and it's filesize and nessiaary RAM are way too fucking high. Upgrade that shit and then I'll let you see my homebrewed quality shit.
-Alex, Level 208 IT
>>706643053
Cause feminism thats why
what are the requirements for a desk job like that
>>706651486
No, stop, they'll promote you to floor 4 and restrict my access.
-Alex, needs that floor, IT
>>706649838
Which one? The vice-prez shitshow or the 14 hour loli fuckfest I had?
-Alex, IT
>>706643769
nice suit, men's wearhouse on sale right now faggot?
>>706642538
Whoever keeps eating my lunch, I'm gonna kick your fucking ass!
>>706654552
Nobody's eating your lunchables, Mikey
>>706654850
Yeah, well... When are heading out for that drink? You still owe me one after we got placed on the board of directors.
Can someone help me update Adobe Reader??
>>70855555
>>706655665
You're still an intern Mikey, I don't owe you shit
>>706655917
Steve, I think you've gone mentally rancid. Shame, I was really looking forward to working with you on the Board. Guess I'll go notify boss about your illness.
Hey guys, Sorry I'm late (again) for this meeting, care to catch me up on what I've missed?
>>706656073
I am your boss
Now shine my shoes
Can someone please make the coffee again!! FUCK
>>706642538
You're all FIRED!
>>706656134
Sure, boss left a pink slip on your desk.
>>706656283
Steve you're scaring me. I'm gonna call security to help escort you out.
Fuck, I got in late, Guys. Sorry about that!
"I swear to god if that snack machine cheats me again I'm going to show it the business end of my dick"
>>706656337
Huh, knew I was due for a promotion sometime this year but I didn't think I'd get the full project, especially this soon, whens our new deadline?
>>706651759
I'll fucking kill you google!
>>706656461
Jim.. It's not a promotional pink slip. You're being laid off.
>>706656637
Did you not see the blue slip attached? I was fired in my old position, Rickey still does the taxes the old way so I was "Fired" from my old position and rehired into my new one, he really needs to update and reorganize from that method.
>>706656387
Chill out bro it's just a joke
>>706657133
Aww jeeze Steve... You're pretty good at acting. Makes sense considering how fruity you are. Hey, how good was the last cock you sucked? Perhaps next time you'll even let him fuck your ass!
god fucking damn it who keeps turning the channel on the break room TV to nature documentaries?
I cant find the damned remote.
>>706642538
I think something fucking died in the bathroom holy shit guys.
![youre-fired-900x444[1].jpg](https://cdn.randomarchive.com/b/image/1475/658/1475658810139.jpg "youre-fired-900x444[1]")
![v1[1].jpg](https://cdn.randomarchive.com/b/image/1475/659/1475659072146.jpg "v1[1]")