Stupidest shit youve done while horny
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Only a fool would take anything posted here as fact.
Only a fool would take anything posted here as fact.
Stupidest shit youve done while horny
Borrowed my mums dildo. Orgasmed, left it on my bed and forgot about it then went about my day. Dinner was weird that night.
Came on a lollipop, put the wrapper on, and gave it to my friends mom. She loves cherry :P
>>704495582
God tier idea
>>704494866
Stuck it in a shop vac
>>704494866
Stuck my dick in a milk jug. It hurt.
>>704494866
Responded to Craigslist ads for threesomes
Texted my exes lol
Somehow gave myself a UTI by doing butt stuff. That was last night.
>>704494866
I keep asking my best friend for nudes. Or rather panty shots.
Masturbated for people online and I didn't even get paid for it.
>>704496130
Hey bby, wanna show that cunt ;)
>>704494866
bought credits on livejasmin
i was drunk as well so please forgive me
Started to jerk off through my pocket in class.
I was in the back, and could see anyone who could see me. I didn't finish, because I knew they'd smell it.
>>704496111
Cuck
>>704494866
Let some fag suck my dick.
>>704496442
They smelt the precum and knew, everyone knows you as the weird kid that jacks off in the back of the class.
Walked out into the middle of the woods with wet wipes after taking a big poop and fingered my ass with them to stimulate my ass muscles and make it feel like I was still continuously shitting. Then when I was exhausted I jerked off to porn on my phone and came. Then walked back home.
>>704494866
Was stupid drunk and was fooling around with a friend that was a lesbian while at a different friend's apartment. We had a little sexual tension for a few years so we dealt with it. Wasn't working out because whiskey dick and she was insanely tight and I was probably too drunk to figure it out. She gets dressed and I step outside to get some air. I start watching porn on my phone and start beating off. Never occurred to me that it might be a bad idea to masturbate on the balcony of a second story apartment building. For context, the balcony was a shared one for each apartment on the second floor and the front doors of all apartment units were on this balcony. It's a miracle that I'm not on the sex offender list.
met up with a CD on cragislist and sucked a dick for the first time. his/her dick was so fucking weird and bent that i had a pretty unpleasant time. 3/10 would not do again unless i was very horny again
>>704496252
what's wrong with you?
>>704496458
I use to get them from her =/
>>704496758
Let's see..
Put a bat up my ass
also this
>>704495798
this
>>704496130
and the first part of this
>>704495413
>>704494866
Consume many psychoactives that are near me after cumming. I simply can't stop, it's like I loose control temporarily.
>>704496722
Zach is that you? Maya said you tried some gay shit and didnt like it
4 Words: Put Dick In Crazy
>>704497062
preach
>wore my vibrating butt plug in and went to the grocery store
>it fell out in the parking lot
>i just turned around and drove home
>butt plug just on the ground in the parking lot
>>704497034
nah lmao not zach. i also would never tell anyone about that shit
>>704497062
I wasn't even drunk. Same outcome.
>>704494866
Pic related
>>704496758
what's wrong with you?
Fist in ass.
>>704494866
I had heterosexual sex in the missionary position for the sole purpose of procreation.
>>704497517
Sigh, I wouldn't know where to start...
>>704497607
very original, Anon, I congratulate you
>>704496442
Cum doesn't have a smell , faggot. You must be pretty fucking disgusting if your cum smells
>>704494866
I'm a closet sissy. Got horny enough to post a craigslist ad and followed through on it. Drove to a guy's house, i got dressed up, we kissed, he felt me up, i sucked his dick for a little, he licked and fingered my ass, sucked my dick a little, fucked me pretty hard. Didn't realize til after I got home that my ass bled. Didn't make him wear a condom even though I planned to 'cause I got caught up in the moment. Ask me anything about it if you're as bored as I am.
inb4 greentext it, too much work
inb4 can't inb4
Had sex with a chair and came all over the underside of it, frame had metal rings that my dick just fit into.
>>704497750
Could be female.
shared picture from my gf on shouldn share thread , god idea... but my laptop was still running on the thread, she took it to see what Bank for, bad idea,,, sorry for bad english german-anon here
>>704497750
cum does smell
>>704497750
Depend on how bad you eat, it can smell really pungnant. Not same anon
>>704497786
You get tested for the high five after?
Masturbated with shit, not as fun as it seemed in my head
>>704497847
>>704497880
if it was a girl, the smell would be x10 stronger
Had sexual relations with a female.
>>704497880
He said he jerked. Females don't jerk themselves m8
>>704497292
>fell out
How loose is your asshole?
>>704494866
I was hard up. Hadn't had any in a while and my hand was getting boring.
>text my ex Christina
>Her name in my phone is "Chrissy"
>"God im horny as fuck. get over here now"
>reply back "Are you serious?"
>"Fuck yes. get over here"
>"ok."
>waiting around
>knock at door
>go get door
>My friend Chris is standing there
>"Huh?"
>"Oh god. You're drunk. I'm so sorry"
>look at my phone
>I'd texted my gay friend Chris
>"Oh shit man, I meant to text Christina."
>"haha... I thought it was too good to be true."
>awkward fucking silence
>the silence was painful almost
>almost as painful as my blue balls
>"Fuck it. you still game?"
>shoves me back through the door and shutting it as he follows me in
>proceed to get the best head I've ever gotten
Is this thread just all kinky femanons or what?
>>704497931
Yeah if you're a fucking repugnant fatty that eats like a slob 24/7
Masturbated in a public library as a mormon missionary. Pretty obviously, no one said anything. Then personally baptized a convert, went back after the mission time, and fucked her in a hotel. She cried with guilt, I went back home.
>>704498094
they jerk their clit
and many women use the expression
>>704494866
Stuck my dick in apple sauce, felt cool but ended up wasting a good apple sauce.
>>704498193
You wish, anon. I bet every male you meet throughout your entire life will have had one "fuck why did i do that" while they were horny moment
>>704498267
Okay b8
>>704494866
Back in highschool some fine honeys were flirting with me in class so i 'went to the toilet' and beat my meat and came back. Unfortunately i think this is actually more of a regular thing for some people...
>>704498125
it was a "my first butt plug"
basically it was really narrow and i lubed up good
>>704498193
yep
this thread shows how many homos and femmes there actually are here.
Hey i need someone to help me with a medical question on this thread. I shot my friend point blank in the face with a pellet gun. >>704495765 →
Made my gf in that time suck my dick and swallow my cum. Her stepdad was in te other room really close. He was 16 I was 21, If he would caught us I would be dead lol.
>>704494866
Raped a drunk girl
>>704495798
This and try to get girls off omegle. Very regrettable honestly
>>704496899
Closet sissy from >>704497786 here.
my first experimentation with anal play was this miniature bat that sat in the hands of a small baseball player statue. i'm talking this thing was smaller in diameter than a pencil, and maybe 4" long, tops. Little did I know where it would take me.
>>704497607
you fucking monster
>>704497993
nope, haven't been tested. probably should at some point. he said he was clean, was a perfect gentleman, and seemed super honest. Also has a wife. I don't think the risk was very high.
>>704498183
Bro job.... nice
>>704498125
it's really common for a buttplug to work it's way out while you walk, unless it's a huge freaking monster!
>>704498280
I would've eaten it
>>704497292
>fell out
>turned 360 degrees and drove home
>>704496111
Post em, anon!
Fucked a girl i didn't find attractive just because i really wanted sex and she had a pussy
>>704498888
holy quads. also, that's why i always wear tight panties when i plug. keeps everything in
Tried to get away with masturbating on the bus. Was caught. Shame.
>>704498639
Kinda dumb leaving a twenty-one year old with his daughter in her bedroom
>>704498955
Never. I won't break her trust.
>>704499095
inb4 white knight. you don't have to sound like such a fag about it, but i get you, anon
>>704494866
E-mailed a dick zucker on Craigslist.
Recently I shoved a tongue brush up my ass while fapping. It wasn't doing enough for me, so I took it out and shoved a screwdriver up my ass. Then it started to hurt so I took it out and finished fapping. I regretted it the next day.
Also, Iv been sick for the past week, so Iv had nothing to do but fap and my dick is raw. I have to put neosporin on it every time I start up to numb it a little...
>>704496130
Sammme. It was kind of nice but never again
>>704497062
Did that for a year. Sex was amazing though....
She's married now
Several years ago my phone broke so i used my moms laptop to watch porn. Super horny so i didn't catch it when i blew. There was cum all over the keyboard and several of the keys stopped working. I was home alone and heard my mom pull in the driveway like two minutes later while I was feverishly cleaning the keys. I dont think she ever smelled it. Yes, my cum smells.
>>704497581
>>704497062
Same.
Got a vid if you guys want it.
>>704499472
That's not my paintbrush and this is NOT the Sistine Chapel....
>>704499069
even with tight panties mine wiggles out, but it's only 3 inches. I need to size up
Stayed out til 9am on a New Year's Eve doing coke whilst drunk as fuck round someone's house I didn't know. With my GF of the time's brother.
GF calls me at 9am as she was getting up for work. Tell her I'm with her bro, she says as I'm nearer their house I cna just go sleep in bed and she'll wake me when she gets home later at 5pm if I'm still awake, with a BJ. Score.
Fast forward to 5pm and my GF comes home expecting her nice snuggly BF to be in bed all ready for action.
She instead finds me spawled out naked, her dildoes all over the bed and one still jammed in my ass where I'd decided apparently that I was into butt stuff now and had run the batteries down.
Asshole hurt for a week. GF didn't seem to mind expect for the batteries and even tried using one on me later on.
ok here goes
>wife an i have great and varied sex life
>i enjoy watching her play with vibes and dildos
>also enjoy using said toys on her
but
>been together nearly 20 years
>shit getting stale
>decide to buy her fucking machine
>Ultimate Dildo Thrusting Machine
>does exactly as it says on box
>has remote controlled variable speed
>8 settings
>from 1 thrust per second up to 8 per second (480 per minute)
>wife is happy
>i'm happy
>one day wife goes out with kids and dogs
>homealone.jpg
>decide to try adding anal probe to UDTM
>i position the machine between to low stools
>sit with one ass cheek per stool
>slide probe up asshole
>turn machine on
>speed on feels great
>try speed 2
>feels much better
>try speed 3 then 4
>holy shit no wonder she loves this toy
>body starts to shudder
>this is fuckin intense
>speed 5
> HOOOOOLLLLLYYYYYYY SHIIIIIIIIIIIIIIT
>i have never felt anything like this in my entire life
>speed 6
>i lose complete control
>UDTM is in and out of my spasming anus at 360RPM
cont
>>704494866
Tried using shaving cream as lube
>>704498888
I've never used one so I wouldn't know.
>>704498224
Bud, cum has a distinct chlorine-esque smell. Nothing to do with hygiene. Take a whiff next time you wank.
>>704499617
cont
>feel humungous orgasm coming
>relax to enjoy the full sensation
>AAAAARRRRRRGGGGGHHHHHH
>sphincter relaxes
>colon empties itself
>i try to stand up
>my legs are like jelly
>shit is spurting out of my asshole
>the smell is horrific
>like something crawled up my ass and died
>machine is still whapping away at 360RPM
>shit storm all over the fuckin bedroom
>can't find the fuckin remote
>grab the power lead and pull till it unplugs
>standing alone in bedroom
>UDTM has semi fluid shit all over and running down it
>i'm covered in shit from the knees down
>shit on walls, on bed, on carpet and even on ceiling
>spend the next 4 hours cleaning EVERYFUCKING inch of bedroom, shampooing carper, repainting walls and touching up the shit stained paint on the ceiling
>even did a bolt by bolt strip down,clean and rebuild of UTDM
NEVER AGAIN
>>704498255
Mormons always appear >8/10s in my experience. How do you guys stave off the deformities from incest
>>704499693
lmfao 10/10 would read again
GF and I were at a party, we were left alone in a room in the house. I made her blow me, but instead of having her swallow, I gave her a facial.
There was no bathroom in that room. And there were little kids at the party
>>704499586
mine's a standard 4-incher (or whatever "medium" usually is), and it stays in pretty well. I need to size up, too, though. Thinking about getting a metal one. I need something that i can really feel the presence of
>>704499069
>>704498888
what are plugs actually for? what sensation does it give?
>>704498888
>Be me
>Be 12
>First time masturbating
>Get idea for boner
>use hand soap
>Feeling sudden burning pain
>OHSHIT.jpeg
>panic and look for solution
>find ice and heat muscle cream
>apply cream on dicl
>Sudden cold penis
>new idea
>Wash dick with water
>Feel numb
>Go to bed disappointed
Don't use soap on penises
>>704500075
you know that feeling right before you are about to cum? that "building up" feeling? a vibrating plug makes it feel like that in your asshole constanty
>>704494866
Let my dog lick my pussy when I was like 13
One time I stuck my dick in a live chicken and then cut its head off just to get off.
>>704499693
pic related, the UDTM
>be me
>gotta take a shower
>planning giving meself a nice facial afterwards when I go to bed
>dog sitting there
>what you doing looking at me like that you horny bastard
>fuck fine come're you dirty slut
>a few licks and he's not interested
>oh that's it? fine
>i feel like shit for letting dog lick me
>>704500302
does it work for guys?
>>704500075
I use mine as foreplay/stretching for bigger toys. If they're the right shape and size, they can stimulate prostate, but mostly it's just the sensation of having a thing in your ass lol. I also like going out in public, the feeling of knowing i'm doing something naughty, the feeling of knowing that someone might catch on (even though that's extremely unlikely in reality)
>>704499693
Biggest fear if I ever dabbled in pegging. I just stick to butt plugs
One evening when it was really late I was walking around in the near by park. Barely anyone came to this park even during the day.
I saw this swan sleeping on the grassy area, no where near the lake. If you have ever seen a swan or a goose their bodies are very attractive (but swans faces are kind of ugly). I was looking at it's neck and wondering about the swans esophagus.
To make a long story short, I cut it's neck, almost cut it's head completely off but not quite. It died as I fucked it's esophagus. It's wings were flapping a lot which really turned me on because a swan has beautiful wings. I would squeeze on it's wings as they flapped, those wings were truly the best part. As it tried to breath the esophagus would tighten against my dick all while the blood was pumping out all over my dick and balls. The red blood was so good looking against the white feathers so I'm glad I decided to do it with a swan and not a goose (even though geese are more attractive in the face). I was completely naked for this and afterwards I washed off in the lake.
It's pretty much the most violently sexual thing I've ever done. I've NEVER been attracted to any other animal besides birds and that's only because of the shape of their wings. I find wings to be irresistibly arousing. It was so violent and exciting. Afterwards I felt so relived, like I had spent the day at a spa. All my muscles were relaxed and I was very chill.
>>704500556
ya, thats where the male g-spot is for it feels a lot better than when girls do it
>>704500556
Underage b8 detected
>>704496794
that means she was into you but you were too much of a pussy to do anything about it and now she realizes youre a beta male
she probably laughs about how pathetic you are to whichever guy shes fucking at the time
>>704500556
Girls do not really feel much from anal which is why none of them like it much. They basically just feel like constant reverse pooping.
>>704500024
I have it my head to get a glass one. It'd be heavy, but I sooooo smooth.
>>704500075
It gives me a satisfying filled up feeling. I love to squeeze my muscles and feel it in there. It's a bit of a turn on too, but mostly it's the filled up feeling for me.
>Used shit as lube.
>Licked toilet bowl.
>Drank toilet water.
I don't know why the bathroom is such a kinky place for me.
>>704500571
just clean out your insides before doing it. At least take a healthy shit and then eat light beforehand. Myself, I won't even consider anal unless the water i clean myself out with is practically clear coming out.
>>704500924
glass would be a good idea, too.
>>704501018
Not hit enough as a child
>>704500666
literally satan
>>704500666
nice trips swan fucker
>>704500666
checked and kek'd
>>704500666
But it was such a beautiful creature...
>>704500666
Fitting post for satanic trips
>>704499853
Mormons have lots of kids. We kill the physically deformed ones and no one is the wiser
>>704496530
Yup. Made that mistake myself
>>704494866
Jacked off into soup when i hosted a dinner party with friends. Watched them all eat my cum with a bright smile, my girlfriend at the time's best friend asked for seconds, i couldn't help but smile
>>704500666
Your post number is literarily 666
When I first started fapping I thought slamming my dick into the shower wall would feel good. It bent my dick and hurt very badly
>>704495798
What happened
>>704500896
In my case I love it for the filled up feeling. It's so yummyyy
>>704496130
I've jerked off to a 15 year old girl on omegle. Instant regret
zapped myself with a 9 volt right when i was cummin but my orgasm wasnt better...
>>704500666
I kind of have the same thing for birds but it's more about how they lay eggs and are small/soft
>>704494866
>be 14
>1999
>masturbators not redily available
>try and spice shit up for my 6th jerk of the day.
>go into bathroom and look through medicine cabinet.
>decide on using Aim brand toothpaste gel
> get hard and squeeze a generous amount in my hand
>hmm well that's a bit minty. neat
>ohgodno.jpg
>the light tingle becomes a burn.
>my dick is covered in a sticky substance that burns it
>turn on shower
>jump in and try and wash it off.
>only make it worse.
>take dry washcloth and rough scrape it all off my dick
>dad starts yelling for me to get out of the bathroom
>unlock door and hop in shower
>wtf are you doing in here anon and why the fuck does it smell like toothpaste?
>>704500666
wat
>>704497607
You disgust me.
I stuck my soft dick through a toilet paper roll and got hard. Big mistake, couldn't get it out. Hurt like hell. Had to carefully cut away the roll. Didn't jerk it for 2 whole days after.
>>704498183
/b/
>>704501451
Neat!
>>704498267
>many women
I don't believe you've ever even brushed up against an actual woman
>>704496442
Lel there was a kid in my 9th grade latin class that would rub himself through his shorts during class. He would make these weird grunts and shit. Odd kid but we were pretty good friends
>>704500666
I know your feel. This is a mistake you only make once.
>>704500314
Same except I was like 9
>>704502192
femanon?
>>704499639
It smells exactly like warm brie cheese
>>704498039
Fucking Bill Clinton.
>>704500666
>even though geese are more attractive in the face. Mfw
>>704500666
>>704500666
no way is that true. a swan would break your arm if you tried that stuff
>>704502281
Yes
>>704502695
how many times did you let your dick lick your pussy?
and how old are u now?
>Be me
>have fleshlight
>spin fleshlight around on dick
>feelsgoodman
>want to spin it faster
>get blender
>take out blades
>glue fleshlight to rotor
>put dick inside
>disgonnabegood
>start blender
>dick gets tied in a know
>hurts like fuck
>post pictures of blended dick on /b/
>"we're going to have to amputate"
>get prosthetic penis
>get giant prosthetic dick
>post on /b/ in trap threads occasionally
>>704502281
As opposed to male cunts?
>>704500666
uh huh
u fucked a swan that was freaking out like a chix with its head cut off
pics or it didn'thappen
>>704502829
Go home kid and put the parents liquor bottles back
>>704501600
>regret
lol
>>704499693
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6UFzde_Y_t0
>>704503027
It was great while I was doing it but felt like a pedo afterwards
>>704494866
Met up with a CD at my place. Got really high and fucked for hours. Came in his ass 3 times. Was terrified of an std for months but everything worked out fine.
>>704502837
Jesus Christ m8...
Show dick...for science?
>>704502829
Like 10 times total. I got better at using my hands a couple years later so that wasn't a long term thing. I'm not into dog stuff as an adult. I'm 29 now.
>>704503259
nice
>>704500666
>>704501566
kek
>>704502878
cis scum detected
>>704503180
who cares?
>>704496111
check dem trips
>>704503496
the party van
>>704503445
Thank you
Masterbated by jacking off my dick. While on the clock at work.
>>704503652
that's no reason to feel guilty. paranoid, maybe, not guilty.
>>704503814
>Masterbated by jacking off my dick
>Be alone for a week
>Do nothing but jacking off and procrastinating in my sweat pants
>Suddenly have the bright idea to shove something up my ass
>The only thing that resembles a dildo in my home was a iron bar for my wights
>Eh, what the hell.
>Put off all the weights on one side and put some on the other so to make it stand
>Put a rubber glove over the screw and rub some Vaseline on it
>Surround my metal shaft with towels for what might come
>Start to jack off
>As i do i slowly sit on the screw bar
>It hurts like hell but i guess this is how it's done
>Continue lowering myself on the bar
>Jacking get's harder as my cock deflates under the pain
>Say enough is enough and pull the metal bar out of my ass
>literally have to screw it out my ass in order to get the thing out
>Expect blood as the bar painfully pops out
>The rod falls out and the glove is only partially covered in shit
>Take a long shower followed by a hot bath
I cleaned up after myself and after that i cleaned up the entire apartment.
I tried it again a month after but it was just as painful, and i had to poop out the glove.
>>704503814
>>704504305
it's like a woman pretending to be a guy
>>704498183
this is moderately acceptable.
>>704498888
quads of queers, checked
>>704504415
Rounded edges m8. Toilet brush or something...
>>704498535
>thinks females are here
fuck dude
Got head from my gf at the time on her parents couch while they were outside drinking with their friends.
>her dad walked in halfway through
>I had a blanket over her
>her dad hugged me and said "thanks for treating my daughter so well."
>>704497292
Went to store naked assed. No underware, panties, pants etc. Eeeyyyaaahhhj sure thing there buddy.
>>704504989
young minds aren't the most reasonable anon
>>704504305
I fapped (slang for masturbate)
>>704505086
i think it's bs too anon, but they could have been wearing a skirt with no underwear
>>704497998
I did that too. Once i nut i felt so disgusting that i threw up. Thus ended my experimentation with scat. Thank the fucking lord
>>704498639
>16 year old stepdad
moms a real cougar huh?
>>704500666
fucking satan
>>704500666
screencap this shit
>>704504989
Mhm, that never happened
>>704500529
everyone has done this.
>>704503259
did he make u cum?
>>704501200
That a thing?
>>704494866
>tried to fuck my own ass and tore my anus a bit
>used moms dildos in ass & mouth at the same time, also a2m
>came on my fingers and then jammed them in my ass
>tried to fuck my dog, am incredibly glad I couldn't fit
>jerked off with my moms panties
>jerked off into condom and was gonna eat it but couldnt get horny again
>tried to enema with shower hose but all it did was give me horrible diarrhea
put my dick in a watermellon when i was like 14. it was too heavy to get any kind of pleasure of it.
>>704500666
ladies and gentlebros, i present to you
the antichrist
>>704500666
You horny devil.
>>704494866
Asked my mom's friend if she wanted to fuck. Asked her in front of my mom and other friends and family members.
>>704499069
>>704498888
The real question comes down to whether these posters have peni or vaginers
>>704505899
There should be an instruction manual to read this shit.
>>704505899
i enema with shower hose pretty regularly (inb4 bad for you, inb4 can't inb4), but for cleanliness before anal play rather than for pleasure. Of course you're gonna shit it all out at first. Just rinse and repeat until water is clear, and if you're trying to hold it in (like for pleasure or whatever), just practice.
>>704506891
sissy here, sorry to (probably) disappoint
>>704505204
Kek
>>704500666
>i felt so relieved
I know that feel.
>>704507086
what part is confusing
Shoved a Q tip in my dickhole when i was 13
>hurt like fuck
Didnt know what sounding was
Fucked a 1 5 year old... twice... it was easy, she loved it and she could take me in her ass. I wish I hadn't though , I'm a struggling actor and if I make it.. it'll always be in the back of my head she could out me.
>>704502837
That was you huh? I remember those posts.
>>704502281
"Whoa, a real life girl?!"
>>704504415
this is like every /fit/shit, ever
you fucking faggots
>>704507113
>but for cleanliness before anal play rather than for pleasure
that's why I did it too wasn't liking the feeling at all, and did it a bunch of times but it never got any clearer. also I did hold it in because I heard that's what you're supposed to do from someone on here probably
>>704507086
what are you, new? read this with no problem
>>704500666
In case nobody knows cause you're a dumb idiot, this is copy pasta. Just google search "One evening when it was really late I was walking around in the near by park. Barely anyone came to this park even during the day. I saw this swan" and see for yourself.
I know what you'll all say, "fucking faggot, get off 4chan hurr durr" but, I like to be an asshole, and I can be the biggest asshole by pissing people like you off. So please, tell me about your rustled jimmies.
>fucked a hotpocket out of the micro wave.
My second time trying washesven but I burnt my head the first time
put a air pump up my ass and pumped fuck load of air into my stomach
put a water balloon up my ass trying out various levels, pretty amazing pressure on prostate
once opened my sisters tampon and wore it, then vaccumed it up and she was told off
cummed into a greek yogurt tub in the fridge to get back at my family, however 2 days later they made carbonara for my sister me and brother. Yeahhhhh dunno if they knew or not but i ate 3 bites and gtfo
Had sex with a woman I did not love :'(
Put my dick in a hoover
>>704507596
I like the feeling these days, but probably because of the association with the later pleasure. Your first time doing it, doing it after not having done it for a while, or doing it when you're digesting food is always gonna be like that. Super frustrating to the point that enema becomes more of a chore than anything pleasurable. Some nights I honestly just call it quits and decide i'll try again a different day. Also, i don't think holding it in will aid in cleaning in anyway. I sort of hop around and wiggle to help dislodge (on the advice of someone on the internet once). Don't know if it does anything, but doesn't hurt.
>>704507841
>greek yogurt
>carbonara
wat
>>704508198
that aint healthy.
physically or psychologically
Let a guy jack off with my 13 year olds panties and look at creepshots of her in a bikini next to me while I jacked off.
>>704508423
pics of daughter
>>704499639
Smells like mushroom soup to me
>>704494866
When i was twelve of so I would lick a girls pussi, she was 7 or 8 at the time she used to pretend we were cats grooming, can still remember the smell of her fresh cunt. Now 19 and this girl passively accuses my younger bro of same age of raping her or some shit, no-one really believes it but bro is struggling to go to school out of embarrassment. scared one day shit will get out and too much of a fagot to tell anyone except you faggots.
>>704508585
That's not happening.
>>704501566
Kekd hard
>>704507452
Don't worry, you won't make it
>>704508361
i'm a psychologist ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
>>704501657
Fresh pic- I member. good stuff. I like it. alright.
>>704508423
that reminds me of something I forget on
>>704505899
>visiting friends of parents out of state
>they have a daughter who is like 9 or some shit
>I have to sleep in her room while she sleeps in parents bed
>every night for 3 days I jerk off with her panties
I mean they were all brand new since they just moved and I didn't cum into them so it wasn't that bad
wasn't even a pedo thing panties are just super soft on your dick
>>704508714
Weird....I eat a lot of citrus fruits so could be why. Not a clue
>>704494866
Posting some pictures that now i regret on 4chan
>>704499693
>shampooing carper
>>704509011
Dabbling a little to much into the Freudian branches?
>>704509362
post them again fag
>>704509102
It's surprisingly hard to find a guy willing to jack off with a 13 year olds panties I've found.
jacked off to my teacher in my classroom when i was like 11 lol.
>>704505596
Of course not you retard.
Hitting kids only fucks them up.
>>704508973
>>704509587
Why not, already ruined my shit, just give me a second to post them.
>>704508973
That's why I'm not too worried...
i fucked the shit out of pic related.
>>704494866
I wanted to prepare for anal with a girl. While jacking it on the toilet I pooped and I put some on my dick to "prepare" for what it was like.
>>704509555
Nice trips. Freud's psychosexual bullshit was silly, but I genuinely dislike that he's written off as a total kook instead of folks giving credit where credit is due. He got the ball rolling in a major way on the nonconscious shit.
>>704509832
nice
>>704509832
>already ruined my shit
did people find your fb or something?
>>704507452
statutory law
it might hurt your career, but you won't go to jail
>>704510156
I'm 22.. that's jailbert
>be 12
>visiting dad & stepmom
>finished swimming
>going up the stairs to change
>stepmom in kitchen yells at me to check on sleeping baby stepsister
>go into her room
>shes laying in her crib
>awake, sorta kicking her legs around
>one side of diaper isn't attached; front poking up a little
>from my angle, can just barely see the crack of her pussy
>bonerinitiated.jpg
>pull diaper away a little to see more
>pussy wet from pee
>pull diaper a little more
>everything is wet and puffy and red
>dickisdiamonds.jpg
>reach thumb in
>rub against lips
>feel my heartbeat in my ears
>thumb trembling as i start to press tip inbetwe--
>hear stepmom coming up the stairs
>push front of diaper down
>bolt to the door, yell at her from down the hall
>"she's awake. needs new diaper."
>go into bedroom
>wait til hear mom enter stepsis's bedroom
>pull off swim trunks
>close eyes
>smell thumb
>fap furiously
>>704509011
Btw psychologically I'll let you run authority on that one. Physically you should be using saline for the enemas.
Source: im a cancer researcher
>>704510375
hot.
>>704509669
Typical liberal bullshit.
>>704494866
i fucked a quesadilla once while very high, forreal
>>704494866
my sister
>>704510505
yeah, i know municipal water supply ain't the best thing to have up one's ass. Haven't had any negative short-term effects, so i don't really care that much. Just waiting on the cancer lol. also, props for respect as opposed to typical "hurr durr ur psychologist, prove it i know more than u u loser neckbeard fuck." it's refreshing
>>704501600
What, was it a guy, you fucking faggot?
Masturbated during some language class in high school. The class was boring and the girl sitting in front of me had and still has the best ass in the universe, so I spent my time doing something useful. Perks of sitting in the last row.
>>704500666
>>704498183
Damn son hahahah
>>704502837
I don't believe it.
>>704508973
underrated roast, lulz
>>704508818
Where are you from? Like, state.
>>704510303
When she's 22, you'll be fine, then.
Funnily enough, my old man did the same thing with the same ages with my mom.
>>704511163
Ditto m8, despite my engrish moment. While not necessarily carcinogenic, it's more just creating a hypotonic environment in the colon. Could result in some digestion issues in the future. I think saline kits are pretty easy to find these days. Hell if you want discrete just get the "Nettipots" and make sure you make it your final rinse... so-to-speak.
>>704511820
Yeah what's your current address
>>704500894
Oh how wrong you are, friendo.
>>704512060
Well I'm just saying sounds like someone I know in Den, CO
*shrugs* not that important to me anyway
>>704500666
>>704512101
He's not your friend, buddy.
>>704511420
No just fifteen sperg. Literally nothing attractive about little girls pedo. The 15 year old was tall, developed, ass and tits I couldn't resist.
>>704510052
Eh, wats up, doc?
>>704512587
>>704511770
habeeb it
>>704512059
ah, i see. hopefully i don't do it often enough to have serious effects (maybe once or twice a month, tops). honestly i'm just rationalizing instead of listening to people who know shit at this point ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
>>704511997
Right? It's not even that big an age difference ugh.
>>704510052
kik and a half anon
>>704507452
was her name meg just out of curiosity?
>>704494866
masturbated with icyhot.
>>704512856
Not even close
>>704495703
how was it?
>>704512571
>pedo
You're the one fucking minors, 5 or 15
>>704511820
Try Australia M80
>>704496442
I did something similar but it was with a giant history book. Got away with it a few times but I don't recall if my balls were up n' running yet.
>>704494866
came by rubbing my dick against a tree through my jeans while sitting atop it
>>704513144
Then I don't see what the big deal was bruh, lol
>>704494866
I enjoy tying myself up.
One time I left the keys my handcuff inside my house, drove and placed my house key about a mile and a half away from my house, got naked, and then locked myself up.
Tied my ankles so I had to walk very slowly. Almost got caught a few times, but managed to hide. The whole time I was shocking myself as well.
A lot of fun, but definitely not doing it again any time soon.
>>704499511
I want dubs goy
>>704498567
wtf
>>704500666
>>704513130
Meh, didn't fuck her bc of her age, she had the body of a 20 year old. And i wadnt the fiest or last older guu she fucked, she was a self described slut. Hypersexual i guess, so that eased my conscience. Also it was just twice one night. Never been with another girl under 19
fucked my step sister when we were both like 14 before she became my stepsister and continued after.
>>704513804
whatever you have to tell yourself to sleep at night, pedo scum
>>704497912
More?
>>704500666
Future serial killer
That relief you felt is how I imagine serial killers feel after they kill.
>>704498183
Legend, Hope he was hot.
>>704498267
>they jerk their clit
Virgin detected
>>704500666
lol'ing so hard I literally pissed myself a little. Now I won't be able to wake my wife up to fuck. But after reading this sick shit it's probably for the best, I don't want to start banging her and think about a damn bird
>>704514128
>mfw sex is ruined for me now because i always think of bird
>mfw i have no face
When I was in high school, fucking my girlfriend in the ass in the hallway, tucked in the back of the school. A guy walked down the hallway, kept his eyes ahead, and don't give a fuck.
>>704513964
he'd be a hebephile you fucking morons. pedophile deals with pre pubescent.
>>704508818
newscaster girl is so fine
>>704494866
Not stupidest by far, but I just got home from a night out with a friend and also my first time with a whore.
He went first (since he was paying) and left the door open, so for thirty minutes I could only listen to his drunken shit talk while the whore tried to get him to shut the fuck up and concentrate while staring at the flower patterned window drapings, which was somewhat awkward.
During my turn my friend played guitar and cheered me on through the partition, and I only managed to cum after filling my both hands with negroid flesh and thinking to myself "this woman is an object".
Shit was fucking confusing.
>>704514459
you're all immoral cunts. have fun burning in hell, fag!
>>704513579
/b/ never fails to amaze me
>>704496442
Not sure why your cum smells. You should go to a doctor.
>>704509404
You're an idiot
Everytime while horny i post pics my gf sent me here to let you fap for her!
>>704515074
You can't post that and not follow up with gf pics
>>704494866
Blew my best friend a few times... We started jerking off together during sleep overs in like 7th grade, by 8th we jerked each other once in a while.. And by 9th, he had convinced me to blow him, and would never reciprocate... That progressed through high school.. Haven't done it since 09 when We graduated tho
Touched the tip of my dick to this and hit the shock button for the hell of it. It hurt like a mofo at first, but felt amazing about 30 seconds later when I started to fap. My dick was at least 10x more sensitive.
>>704515192
What do you mean?
when I was around 12 years old I found my stepmom's vibrator... been stickin things up my ass ever since
>>704494866
Told her I loved her.
>>704515295
You're white aren't you? Swear so many of you closet fags have had gay experiences when you were teens.
fooled around with some neighborhood boy in a shed. thinking back on it now, I wonder what we were thinking but I also wonder if I fucked his mind up forever.
>>704515416
Post pics of gf
>>704501740
kekd
>>704515706
lol ok
>>704497062
Yeah.
