Stupidest shit youve done while horny
The stories and information posted here are artistic works of fiction and falsehood.
Only a fool would take anything posted here as fact.
Only a fool would take anything posted here as fact.
Stupidest shit youve done while horny
Fucked my bed
In my youth when I had discovered the joy of masturbating I used to experiment with different things to help with my jerking. I'll never forget how glorious icy hot felt when I used it. That is before the terrible soul crushing burning happened. Nothing like napalming your own urethra with icy hot...
>>703921716
how the fuck do you manage to do that, rub your dick against your bed?
Selfsuck
>>703921482
Told your mother I had a vasectomy.
spent a decade of my life chronically masturbating in my mom's basement
When round sleepovers with my male cousin I would smell his feet and touch his dick without him knowing
>>703922114
This desu
Let a guy suck my dick
>>703921482
Started recording my neighbour through my window with my phone, and then get caught
>>703922632
Greentext nigga
>>703921482
>be 13 year old me
>horny as fuck
>want to try something
>rub toothpaste all over my dick
>at first it feels good... kinda weird though
>then it begins to burn
>feel like my dick is literally on fire
>try to do something but end up putting it under my foreskin
>dick hurts so fucking much
>even 20 minutes later when everything was gone it still burns
>have chemical burns on my dick until today
Fuck my life
Today I injected 30cc of vodka into each testicle.
>>703922658
post webms or it never happened
>>703922730
Reminds me when I rubbed soap inside of my dick hole
>>703922803
Why!
Your mother OP
>>703921482
>be jerking off to woman getting fucked in the ass
>wonder what she must be feeling
>decide I want to find out
>quit jerking off
>go to porn shop
>go to the back stalls
>get fucked by some random man at a gloryhole (used a rubber)
>accidentally shit on him
>embarrassed
>sit in there for a few minutes out of fear he was waiting outside to fight me
>leave later and go home wondering what the fuck I was thinking
>>703922017
Approximately the same thing.
>about 14 yo
>fapping all day everyday
>read online that ice on balls feels good
>no ice
>rub mint oil on my balls
>agonizing pain for several hours
>>703922114
>>703921716
Place dick between mattress and boxspring and fuck the gap. Use a sandwich bag with some handsoap or lotion in it unless you want insane rough burns
>>703922806
Literally deleted the videos because i was so paranoid :/ Videos wasn't even good
>>703922803
>injecting alcohol into your testicles
Enjoy your autism babies
>>703922730
>>703922730
>want to try something
>rub toothpaste all over my dick
Why was this species created
Got my dick out for Harambe
>castrating myself
>Autism babies
>>703923245
You're not as stupid as i thought then
made out and fucked a fuckin 1/10 while high on weed/cocaine/alcohol. Regretit as fuck :(
>>703922689
>be me, 22
>horny as fuck
>at school campus studying
>go to bathroom to take shit
>see number on wall
>text for the hell of it
>get reply
>ask if i can get a bj
>get yes and address
>oh shit!
>get my stuff and head over
>park across the street
>palms are sweaty
>mom's spaghetti
>knock on door
>chubby guy answers
>Shiiiiiieeeeeeet!
>fuck it i'm horny
>go in and cant get hard
>go to bathroom alone and tug on junk to get hard
>go back out and he goes to work
>close my eyes and pretend its a girl
>feels good
>bust my nut
>immediate regret
>leave and take shower as soon as i'm home
>hate myself for becoming a degenerate
never have i done that shit again. still scarring to me that i even went through with hit
Used my stepmother's vibrator to stimulate my frenulum and came to images of my neighbor's nude pregnant photoshoot.
Top that, niggers.
>fisted myself
>remembered I have hemorrhoids
>>703921482
Ate my own cum, the moment the euphoria of climax went away I was filled with instant regret...
>>703923637
Pretty sure>>703922937 >>703923574 did
>>703921482
Asked my gf to fuck my ass with a homemade strapon. Shit was meh.
holy shit my libido never made me as stupid as you guys
>>703923689
>Ate your cum
>Felt regret.
What are you, gay?
>>703923689
jeez its not that bad
>>703921482
Busted a nut on the tram inside my boxer then realizing I'm still half an hour from home and I can't clean up anytime sooner.
Put carrots and pepperami up my ass
>Fucking gf in ass
>Tight as fuck
>Notice poop around dick
>The stench is overwhelming
>Continue plowing, trying to stay hard
>Cum inside
>The scent of sex and shit is in my room
>Wipe dick with used underwear
>Had to shower
>Now I have too many shitstains on my underwear
The memory makes my stomach churn.
>>703923689
I do it pretty much everytime, cleaner than having cum boxers
>licked piss off a public toilet floor
>heard someone jerking it in the next stall and saw him throw his tissue on the floor
>ate his cummy tissue
>>703924026
Kek.
>>703921482
I used a glue gun on my tummy
It gave me a pretty bad burn
>>703924026
Anal is definitely over hyped by porn
>>703924128
>what is aids
Asked my girlfriend if I could cum inside her, but I was also very drunk...
>>703923637
Forgot to mention that I did it on her bed. And on her laptop. And I did this many times. Eventually was caught. Luckily, she didn't figure out that I was masturbating, only using the computer while grounded.
I still fap to the moment I nearly got caught. Ah, youth.
>>703924128
fucking hell
>Fuckin horny as hell
>go to omegle
>Find girl sayin she is a mistress
>tells me to put a finger up my ass
>try it again another day
>occasionally anal mastrubate with big shit on my ass ,not just fingers
>>703923689
I do this whenever i dont have paper towels nearby. Taste varies but only fags regret it after
Fucked my heater
>>703921482
broke my 2 week no fap streak like 3 times today fack
>>703923689
>>703924412
This, only a closet fag would actually regret this. It's not like it's poisonous.
>>703921482
>Molested cousin when she was baby
>fingered my grandmothers baby kitten's asshole with my pinky
>it shit all over me and scratched me to shreds
>ran off and died the next day
>jerked off the dog and shot a load of cum on the ground for him to eat
>obliged
>bored during lunch at work, no one around
>jerk off laying on floor with legs against a stall, vertically
>cum super hard fantasizing about raping the cute little girls that get brought to the pool in the guard shack, ALWAYS anally
>entire load spurts in my mouth
>swallow
I dont really think of myself as that fucked up, but typing it all out, wew
>
>>703924128
>>703924269
fucking this man
>>703924447
>Fucked my heater
How the fuck did you fuck a heater?!
>>703923848
It wasn't really. It just tasted terrible and I felt stupid over how unnecessary it was. Like why break my back to eat it when I have a towel for that.
>>703921482
Fapped to videos of young gymnastics girls in shiny leotards
Or
Put duct tape over mouth, condom over head and fapped while suffocating
Ate my own cum and sprayed a shower head into my ass hole
pissed in a rubber glove, used said glove to jerk off then flushed everything down toilet.
>>703924128
CONGRATS YOU WIN!
>>703924529
>>703924668
lol, the shower thing isnt even worth mentioning
like thats not dumb, thats just hygienic
>>703924545
I put my dick in the space between tubes
>Be 20 yr old khv
>Decide porn and masturbation are the root of all my problems
>Go on nofap
>It's been 3 months since I've touched my dick
>Really horny
>My dick can probably be used for combat
>Go on craigslist
>Post ad
>Wanted to try femdom
>Get a message within two hours
>She commands me to do shit
>I wrote on myself, got nude, called myself pathetic and called her my queen
>Dick getting soft, but I still want to get laid
>Swear my loyalty to her
>Try to get hard so that my penis doesn't look small
>Succeed
>Take photo
>Cum all over my sheets
>Fucking 3 months worth
>Left a fucking puddle
>She asks if I'm a virgin
>Answer "yes"
>She stops responding
>Ponder my failure naked with painful pen writing still on my chest as I stare at the puddle
>>703922412
underrated post
>>703924529
I mean, you don't sound that normal if you fantasize about having sex with like 12 year olds.
>>703924529
>cum super hard fantasizing about raping the cute little girls that get brought to the pool in the guard shack, ALWAYS anally
Fucking weebs. 2 nukes weren't enough
>>703921482
Put two pieces of bologna between couch cushions and fucked them
>>703922937
>>703923574
>>703924128
>>703924529
Was babysitting my friends 3 month old daughter. Decided it would be funny to see her reaction if I came in her mouth. Don't regret
Never forget
>>703924529
Also i tried sticking a wooden plunger handle up my ass on a vacation with the fam. It hurt alot and made me bleed 12 year old me didn't know about lube LOL
I once had consensual sex in the missionary position for the sole purpose of procreation
>used showerhead to shoot water up my urethra so I pee it back out.
>Develop urinary tract infection.
>>703925048
How did she react?
>>703924876
Don't worry anon. She was probably a man anyway.
>>703924735
kek godly meme
>>703925194
The finebros sued him
>>703925126
Fuck you
>>703924529
jesus dude.
>>703924529
I think you've gone passed degeneracy at this point.
>>703925194
She nearly choked. Managed to swallow most of it though. It was pretty funny to see a baby cough cum
Went 5 hours on a bus to get dropped off in the middle of nowhere in the winter to be picked up by some cracked out ex stripper in her truck.
>>703925126
MODS
>>703925048
>>703925048
mods
>>703923838
kek
I once thought I was fucked up in the head, but then I walked into this thread.
>>703925343
>>703925048
WHAT
WHY
how is this allowed
Cave into my fantasy of getting fucked by a guy. Replied to an ad on craigslist and head over to motel we agreed on. Turns out it was a nigger and two of his nigger cohorts. Got raped and robbed.
>>703925159
why would that come from shower water?
>>703925430
because he's Anon
>>703925430
It's actually not.
>>703922017
I did that to
>>703925304
>>703925481
It's not sterile
>>703925343
momomomomods
>>703925456
kek
>>703925048
First orgasm ever was in a vacuum cleaner
>>703924952
Honestly the it didnt enter my mind until I got that lifeguard job. Then it became all consuming, there was the cutest red headed 9 year old who was always there in a bikini. I probably busted at least 100 loads thinking about pumping her tiny ass full of cum. Man those were the days.
>>703925368
>in her truck.
sounds comfy
>>703925048
>>703925343
actually made me chuckle
spent quite some time constructing pic related masterpiece. at the time being 100% sure it was a perfect replica of a real life pussy.
>>703923689
if you get super close to cumming and stop rubbing, flex your PC muscle and cum, you won't have regret. it works
Fucked my gf under the blankets while we were watching a movie with her friend next to us. We never got caught
>>703925343
fucking hilarious you degenerate
>>703922017
Use Vicks instead
>>703925611
In my country it is. I mean how high must the bacteria count be in the water to get an infection from it.
>>703925368
Tell more anon. Did she at least sucked you off or something?
>be me
>10 y.o
>used multiple times a syringe to put water inside urethra
>usually goes out
>one day i go too far
>doesnt go out
>thisishowidie.jpg
>try to use the syringe to suck it back out
>insert
>pull
>instant regret ad pain
>>703925739
was also a lifeguard, I know that feel anon
>be on holidays with your father
>use fathers laptop
>brows through all the stuff on his harddrive
>find homemade porn of my father with the women he betrayed my mum with
>getting horny af
>why?.jpeg
>go to toilette
>watch every single video (there were alot)
>bust a nut (two times)
>take a shit inbetween
>think a long time about that shit you just done
almost forgot what i saw by now but they pictures come back from time to time when i see my father
>>703921482
Used a homemade fleshlight and left it in the bathroom.
I dun goofed. After that i never did it again.
>>703924978
kekked
>>703925611
Yeah, wtf? Where do you live? Here you can drink the water from the shower and everything
>>703925368
Sorry please
>>703924529
If real, seek some help, if not for your sake but for society's or the animals.
>>703925851
Do you know what sterile water is?
>>703925739
Mmm, sounds hot.
>>703925323
The best part is no one knows, will ever know, and if you met me i appear completely normal. I kindof get a kick out of it. Its just sexual deviance, not like i asked for it.
>>703922017
>Nothing like napalming your own urethra with icy hot
kek
>being young and high as fuck
>two douchey boys decide to throw apples on me
>running away followed by them
>adrenaline is pumping into my body, scared and at the same time enjoying
>flee into the car park of a retirement home
>waiting for them to get me
>they dont come
>decide to jerk off
>>703921482
rubbed hot peper on my dick
>>703925960
topkek why
I hope it was not a needle syringe just a squirting one
>>703922658
How'd ya get caught
>>703925790
guide?
>>703925851
Whats it like to know nothing
>>703923689
Do people really do this or is it just an epic chan may may? Not once have I jizzed and thought "Hay I should taste my own cum." I've watched joi porn videos and a lot of them say stupid shit like "I wanna watch you eat your own cum :)" which makes me go soft and x out. Now i'm starting to think some guys actually eat their own cum...
Also, all of you people disgust me. The worst thing i've done while super horny was fuck a hooker, but at least she was attractive. Jesus christ
> masturbate and cum in my stepmom's panties.
> put them back in the washing bin
> realise the possibility of she getting pregnant wirth my cum on them.
> panic.
> Take them outside and burn them.
> She asks where they are the next day.
>>703924529
Molested cousin when she was a baby, well…
>>703925990
>be me
>be at party
>getting drunk
>see doggo
>Chihuahua.png
>it's cute
>find fat fwb
>go to her car
>start smashing
>house is right around the police station
>see a bunch of cops going to shut the party down cause it was too loud
>still smashing
>chick was from hawaii
>stuck it in her ass and she said "aiyee"
>lips was breakfast
>pussy was lunch
>and then her tittys busted open with Hawaiian punch
>legit though, put it in her pooper
>punding hard af
>feel like cum is coming
>pull out to bust in her mouth
>see thick goopy carne asada with chilli on my knob
>its dark in her car
>she sucks the shit off my dick
>i bust in her mouth
>we stay in car until the cops leave
>see doggo running around outside
>>703922417
You forgot to mention youre a boy feet fgt
>>703926359
>The worst thing i've done while super horny was fuck a hooker, but at least she was attractive. Jesus christ
thats pretty degenerate desu
>>703926370
..........................
You're me aren't you
>>703922417
I knew, Jason
Used a clarinet stand as a dildo in my youth. Wasn't much good. Tried a deodorant can when I was a virgin aswell. Didn't go in. Was quite fun to try. I actually remember when I learnt about my clitoris. It was the start of something new to say the least.
>>703923167
>Why was this species created
Evolved.
This species? This shit was the best around after the dinosaurs were wiped out against their will.
We are literally better than nothing.
Also I wear women's clothes when I masturbate because it feels good man
>>703926101
You can safely drink orange juice. I wouldn't shoot it up my dick though.
>>703925790
Kek I've done that except I only had 1 rubber band.
>>703924447
That's hot.
>>703925739
Same was a lifeguard
>about 13-14 years old
>Outside skateboarding by myself
>Get horny af
>Head home
>end up running in the woods and decide to fap there furiously
>>703926359
You should taste it at least once in your life, so you can taste how fucking gross you are you fucking pathetic autist.
>>703926128
These are all things i grew out of, but if its any consolation i was always fucked up on drugs when i did them. I do feel bad about the cat but its not like i can take it back so whats the point
>>703926145
Sterile means you can inject it into your penis and not get an infected urethra.
>>703924952
This. Grannies are disgusting.
>be me
>be 12
Reply or your mom die
Jerked off with a clingy gay guy over Snapchat. Wouldn't leave me alone for awhile.
>>703923098
neighbors reactions?
>>703926718
Mom not kill
Selfsucked (actually more like self licked)
Fucked a Spongebob Toy
Fucked a Pumpkin
Fucked a leather gaming chair
Fucked many homemade fleshlights
>>703926581
>>703926718
sweatstiny
>Cousin is staying over
>Everyone is at work
>Not me, since I'm a student
>She left her underwear on the ground
>Take it to my room
>Put it to my face
>Gag
>I didn't realize her pussy smelled that bad
>Put it back where it came from
>Fapped as I thought about plowing her
>Most meh orgasm ever
>>703926359
I fuck hookers once a month, still better than fapping and nice to have some body contact sometimes.
you're a fucking boring normie.
I bet your wife gets fucked by 3 niggers because you suck in bed
>>703924026
Pics of gf? I have done a similar thing but for some reason it makes me erect to think about it, almost puked at the time
>>703922334
underrated post
>>703926718
niggers
Blew loads in coworkers drinks. I see these people every day and doesn't even phase me.
>>703926359
Do you like seriously not eat your cum? Im not usually one to judge but thats pretty gay dude
>>703926718
Herr
>used to suck on my own toes and pretend they were a girl's
those were the days
crazy stories . forgot to contriboot.
while I was 14-16 I fapped behind the back of my aunt. while she was sunbathing in the garden she always call me for apply suncream on her back. today i know i could cum over her back she wouldn't feel a difference. but i was to young. didn't know much about porn. because in the mid/late 1990ties 24/7 porn was still uncommon.
later i stole alot of underwear. from my aunt, or my female neighboors. but I always gave them their stuff back after in came into it. so they actually wear it. and i came again in the same pantsu..
i did this for 1-2 years with my female neighboor. i came into every piece of cloth. even into her towels.
2 month ago i came for the first time into a shoe. my tounge licked the inner sole.. that was great.
I also have common sex. bt masturbation is a complete different type of sex. its something special.
>>703921482
taped a plastic bag under my ass and took a shit at my front door while jerking off
>>703926885
God damn, I love smelly pussy.
The hotter the girl, the harder I get. Love thinking of sexy looking cuties who smell like a mermaid down below
>>703921482
use sis' vibrator on my ass. so horny whip it out and suck on it. cum explosively.
then realize i'm sucking on a literal shitty piece of plastic...
>>703923474
Well alcohol's not gonna get the job done properly so still retarded. Also self castration.
>>703926947
Fucked a friend of mine who had a boyfriend at the time. We were drunk and I felt bad once I realized the full scope of things. All because someone drew a tiny dick on my cars window haha.
>>703926555
How do you see a deo can and think "yes, that'll fit"? These things are huge!
>>703924876
Mission gales well get'em next time
>>703924269
baby dont hurt me
>Drunken sex with gf
>Stick it in the butt
>She screams and punches me
>Grab her arms and continue for like 5 minutes
>Blow my load in her ass
>She runs to the bathroom
>Hear her crying and farting out my cum for about half an hour
>>703925343
LOL they dont call it baby batter for nothing if anything you just gave her a head start
Heads up perverts this is the best thing you'll ever buy. You're welcome.
>>703922937
total kek
>>703926283
prison fefe @ buildavagina.com. for your shameful pleasure. even comes with a review
>>703925456
Did the same, sort of. I already had a hotel room. Locked all my valuables in my truck before hand because I was paranoid. Two big nigs show up. Demand money. Show them empty pockets, nothing else in room. Ask if they still want to fuck. Got spitroasted. Perfect fantasy lived out on accident.
>>703927659
kek. What was the aftermath? Is she an ex now?
>>703927679
wuts dat
>>703921482
>Be me
>be young (10 or 11)
>friends would talk about how great masturbating was
>constantly try dry tugging on my dick to Cinemax shit.
>I was never able to cum for over 3 years and in that time I would try all kinds of anal shit using anything I could find that would work as a dildo.
>not once did it ever feel good
>begin to worry that I lack the ability to cum
>some really annoying shit happens at school, i don't remember what but I was pissed
>see hand lotion on the counter
>grab that shit and start jerking off in my room, no porn, nothing
>start feeling this electricity coming from my dick and spreading to the rest of my body
>close my eyes and realize I just needed lube to masturbate
>3 years build up to having the biggest and greatest orgasm of my entire life
>mfw
>>703927679
dafaq is that
>>703927810
Hitachi magic wand with an add on for your cock on the top. Are you blind btw?
>>703927810
Hitachi Magic Wand with sleeve attachment. If you're into assplay I also recommend the prostate attachment too.
>>703926718
fag
stole my dads porn and forgot to put it back
fapped and forgot to clean up
used to piss in places cause horny and would forget to clean up
i was really stupid as a kid
>>703926498
What a story
>>703927275
Would definitely get a shitty dick by her you still bang her?
>>703926947
No, but she's a half-asian cutie with carmel skin.
There have been better anal sessions.
One time, I lubricated my dick but not her anus, so I just entered like that. There was so much resistance and it hurt her (which I felt bad for), but it was the best orgasm of my life.
She actually derives pleasure from it, although it's a special occasion thing.
>>703925805
PC muscle?
>>703927666
>The Devil's trips.
Inserted a used tampon in my ass and tugged on the string while jerking off...
>>703925048
>>703926498
>chick was from hawaii
>stuck it in her ass and she said "aiyee"
>lips was breakfast
>pussy was lunch
>and then her tittys busted open with Hawaiian punch
fucking love that song
>>703928107
Probly bet to keep it that way, give her a good rimming as wel
>>703925990
>>703928112
Fucking google. Do you use it?
>>703921482
married
Masturbated with neosporin.
>Dick was chaffed from running
>put neosporin on to help
>feelsgood.jpg
>slather dick in it as lube
>have one successful nut before dick goes numb
>dick swells up in random places, looks like an elongated cauliflower
>>703922127
I did that 5 minutes ago
It isn't actually that stupid doe
>>703928389
/thread
>>703927870
jew spotted
>>703928080
nah. she's engaged now. we've been apart for like, 4 years now.
>>703927870
>needed lube to masturbate
fucking scrub
>>703926718
>>703927783
Nope but she refused to have sex with me for a week. As soon as she wanted I refused, too. Told her I would only have sex with her again provided that she'd let me fuck her ass cause casual sex doesn't satisfy me anymore. Took her about another week to agree.
>>703928305
mah nigga
A 13 year old girl.
>>703921482
Back in the day when me and my cousin were sharing the room and got the urge we would take out some giant plushies I had and started humping them
We would always fight over who gets the pikachu
>>703927985
rip off
>>703924529
greentext cousin story
>Be 10 or 12 yr old me
>my mom always took me to her friend and her son
>son same age, we always played
>son gets doctor set, we start playing doctor and shit
>bandage our dicks and do weird stuff and penis operations
>no gay stuff, everyone on his own dick
>he asks me if i think the blood in the head of the dick is purple cause it is so much darker than the shaft
>now that you're asking,,,,
>well anon, there is only one way to find out
>"hand me the nail scissors, anon!"
>anon hands me nailscissors
> i cut the head of my own dick with scissors
>both stare on my dick, disappointment when red blood drops out
> still am hard, but bleeding dick
>door knocks; "boys you still in there? come get food bla"
>once more bandage my bleeding hardon with fake bandage from doctor set
>sit at table with 2 moms with bleeding bandaged hardon
>doesnt even matter, just so disappointed blood wasn't purple
>>703924128
Reading this makes me feel like my life has now been split into two parts.
>(B)efore (C)ummies
>(A)fter (D)egeneracy.
>>703926162
What about your baby cousin
Live in rural town Australia
Thus require bush tools for wank.
Put handful of small rocks up are.
Poop them out. Meh.
Fashion dildo from small tree branch. Meh.
At mate's place he has large doggo.
Doggo humps anyone that is down on all fours.
Funny game for a while crawling around trying not to get dog raped.
Laugh at anyone that gets caught and then dog semen on their back.
Stay the night. Everyone else aslepp.
Let doggo have his prize. My anus.
Blow instance load and come to senses with dog cock in anus.
Regret.
Do it again 3 or so times. Diff times I visit.
Always so much regret.
Worry about some sort of doggo disease for rest of teenage life.
>>703923196
He was only trying to protect that child...
>>703927870
Are you circumcised, or something? Does circumcision actually make it impossible to masturbate without lotion?
I used to think a blow job was when a woman blew air into your urethra.
so of course I got a woody, got a straw, put it squarely on the tip and blew.
All I learned was not to do that.
>>703928602
implying this is true, but you really fucked up in the long run anon.
why force your way into her ass, when you could have done it proper and she would let you fuck her in the ass all the time.
a lot of chicks like anal, you just ruined it for her and yourself.
>>703921482
fucked a girl i wasn't that interested in and then fucked her again a week later
>>703928602
tfw im beta and girls actually like this shit D;
>>703928112
PC master race
>>703926660
Feeling bad about cat and not cousin
>>703926498
>>see thick goopy carne asada with chilli on my knob
I know this all too well, I'm so sorry you had to deal with it anon. Did it smell terrible? It smelled like a porta-potty for me.
once i was really horny and feeling super gay.
i decided to try to eat my own cum.
i ended up cumming in my fucking eye and got a minor eye infection.
that shit stung like hell
>>703928706
wtf, how you didn't get an ifection
>>703927232
Like a mermaid
>>703924128
>>703921482
>Be like 12-13
>decide to watch gay porn wtf
>Watch video
>Hand free cum omfg
>Want to know what ass play feels like
>find cylinder like object and lube it up
>Hurts like a mother fucker
>Then feelsgoodman.jpeg
>Cum in like 2 sec
>Friend comes over to my house that night
>Still super horny
>Watch porn together
>Told him to fuck me and pretend I am grill in video
>He does it
>I am total fag the entire time
>Doesn't tell me he's coming
>OHGODWHY.jpeg
>Next morning convince was dream
>never did it again
Any advice for no shit dick when doing anal?
>>703926718
ayy lmao
>>703928743
Dude she was a baby memory doesnt work that way. It is funny to see her sexy teen body at thanksgiving now knowing what i know. It doesnt bother me. At all.
>met a guy on AFF
>be horny as fuck
>lemme scuk your dick
>office is omw home so yeah, why not
>get there, its a little gift shop
>go in back, gives me rimjob, sucks dick like a fuckin angel
>come back more and more
>finally moves away
>made me bi that day..
>meet another guy on AFF
>comes to house
>rims me, 2 finger rapes my asshole
>let him fuck me after that..
>yep.. def bi..
>>703928811
Im circumsized and have never once used lube.
>>703929177
don't do anal
>>703924529
>>703924529
>>703929071
idk man i still have the scar on my head but it grew together like it never happened. exceptional considering how thin the skin of your head is and how big the cut was
>>703921482
>hey man
>you're kinda cute
>I wouldn't mind getting sucked of by you just to get the edge off
>proceed to suck 3 of my "friends"
>didn't realize one took pictures
>get labeled faggot by everyone in school the next day
>become literal pariah
>drop out of highschool
At least I didn't got an STD.
I was extremely horny and my parents were away on holiday. So I wanted my dog to lick my pussy. He wasn't allowed upstairs so I sat on our couch legs spread, ready. But my doggy just looked at me like...alright...nothing to see here...just chillin. When I told him to come to me he walked away immediately, he was very confused because he was looking for treats. So that gave me the idea to put some peanut butter on my pussy. He licked on it for half a second, then walked away. I was getting more and more frustrated/horny. I got on all fours, put more peanut butter on my pussy and asshole. I looked behind me and the look he gave me was just heartbreaking. Like...I just realized what you want from me, but fuck that, I'm not doing that.
Ya, I got rejected by my dog.
Took a shower and went for a walk with my dog. Thankfully, dogs are very forgiving.
>>703929119
DId he impregnated you?
>>703927870
You might be my exact fucking twin.
>>703924128
Wtf
>go in gas station, cute girl sitting at register
>make small talk and exchange phone numbers
>Out drinking with the guys and she calls
>go to her house to pick her up
>I roll up and she rolls out... Literally
>wheelchair
>I see her rollin, I'm hatin
>not wanting to be a dick, I help her into car and we take off
>She asks if I smoke and says she knows a good spot
>Go to middle of nowhere beach
>higherthangiraffesass.jpg
>looks at me and straight up says "I want you to fuck me"
>fuck it, might as well
>feeling weird about it
>take her home
>her gigantic dad answers door
>"I can't believe it"
>"Sir, I don't know what you're talking about."
>"I can't fucking believe it"
>How does he know?
>"can't believe what?"
>"Most people just leave her on the beach"
>>703928913
I didnt hurt her body. If i did i would probably still be in jail dumbass.
>>703929177
have partner not eat for the day leading up. get a shower enema kit, lube it up, stick in ass, turn water on low, have them rinse their ass 5-10 times until the water comes out clear. then its safe to fuck without major fear of shit dick. now mind you with the plunging action may bring forth trapped shitwater/shit, so make sure you have them shit before the enema, and after, then enema again.
>>703926718
oh no mother save meme friend
>>703929119
Niceee
>>703929332
wouldnt he also look like a fag?
>>703921482
Put a dandelion down my urethra and then jacked off with it in there. I blew the seeds as I blew my load and it hurt because the cum couldn't come out easily.
>>703924876
kek
>>703929238
You cousinfucker I like you
Got my dick caught in a handle for.a pair of scissors
>>703927679
what iam looking at
>>703929238
Is she hot now
>>703929335
That was kinda hot, shame it didnt happened
>>703925048
>>703924668
I literally spray the shower up my ass every day to get clean you fat smelly fat neckbearded fatass
>>703925048
>>703929290
i'll have nightmares this evening, definitely
dreadful story
>>703929503
>"man we just did it to take the pictures look at the fag hahaha"
nope
>>703929434
Key word still
>>703924875
It...fit? Also why
>>703921482
Put some toothpaste on me dick. Holy fuck I don't know how I lived through that
>>703926559
Did you put salt on your babies today?
>>703929439
God that sounds like a shit ton of work
>>703929422
then what
>>703922937
>mfw
>>703921482
Tried fucking a football
>>703928717
>>703929554
Very. But she does suffers from safeface with her brother so thats kind of weird. Im obviously not posting pics of the slut or any info.
>>703929332
u wanted to be labeled as a straight alpha or what? fuclong faggots
>>703922730
done that, but missed the chemical burns. Musta been the Crest I used. ;)
>>703929177
use water bottle. unscrew cap, let the top in ass, then squeeze bottle, let water up to colon, shit it all out, clean hole for fukn
>>703925343
nigga
>>703929439
Is anal even worth it?
>>703929439
Not worth it mang.
>>703928811
I'm circumsized and I jerk off dry
>>703929860
Come on… pics, it's for science
>>703929368
I'm a guy
>>703922937
Well did it at least feel good?
>>703929368
They did anal, you fucking retard
>literally shot a load in my eye
>>703930185
Im guessing it was a joke
>>703925739
Do you have pics of her?
>>703924264
Truth.
>>703930185
I was just memeing...
>>703930332
I'm not even mad
I respect your use of memes sir
>>703929422
go onnnn, i hope u married her lel
>Be me
>At all boys boarding school age 14
>Horny af
>Don't sleep much so go roaming around halls
>Some days I go into other dorms to watch them sleep
>get bolder
>start touching the other boys while they sleep
>as the days go on some of them catch on some1 is going around at night
>oshitwaddup.png
>need to step up my game
>start wearing other boy's clothes as disguises in the dark
>different person each night
cont?
>>703928811
It definitely helps, but is in no way nescessary.
>>703930648
yes pls
Stuck the end of a plunger in my ass, went like halfway down it and it felt fucking awful
>>703930648
YEEEEEEES
>>703922730
pic of dick
>>703922730
Pictures
>>703921482
went for the knot without being ready
>it was worth it
>>703928706
>no gay stuff, everyone on his own dick
>be 14
>super horny
> start fingering pooper with Marigolds gloves on
> start with one finger then progress to two
> feels good but not fulfilling enough
>stick hairbrush in pooper
>decide not thick enough
>wrap tape around it multiple times until much thicker
>stick in pooper again but in empty bath this time
>pull out after cumming buckets
>urge to shit overload
>huge bubbly shit in bath from using shampoo as lube
>have to push it down plugging, smell overwhelming
>>703923689
I do that sometimes and didn't regret nothing. Only Fags regret
>>703931015
What?
>>703924128
Yall need jesus
>>703931130
>>703931015
>>703929119
About hands free cumming..
Ever had a conscious wet dream? Pretty sick since you can decide everything yourself and then it happens.
>>703930648
>>703930648
>there was this skinny blonde guy in my year
>seemed smarter than the rest
>I catch on that he catch on
>wear his clothes that night
>go to his dorm
>go for the reacharound to his dick
>he's in a dressing gown
>AND AWAKE
>shiiiieeet nigga
>run out of the room
>realise he may follow
>decide to run through music department to lose him
>mistake
>hit drum in dark
>wake up every1
>strip from blonde guys clothes
>the one dude my age who every1 suspects gets there 1st
>im hiding in music room
>come out and shout that I found the guy who went around at night
>I join in in beating the shit out of him for being a faggot
>Britishboardingschool.jpeg
more?
>>703924079
Cum boxers are not that bad even when I have to go to school with them
