you now have super powers, but they have an ironic/weird twist/restriction to them
ill start
am immune to all sickness
>>703856288
But constantly look like you're having chemo.
Can move anything with the power of thought alone.
>>703856288
But has to have at least one at all times
>>703856658
but you are paralyzed
Can manipulate time
>>703856658
Pass out after
>>703856658
Nothing over 5lbs
Can jump very far, and high.
>>703856761
but ur mom says it's not ok after 8pm
can turn hair on fire at will
Power to make everyone like you
>>703856761
only when going 88mph
>>703856839
can't handle the impact force
>>703856910
locked in a freezer
>>703856926
they don't like u 4 u
>>703856761
But relativity means you generate a huge amount of gravity the further you travel.
>>703856926
on the internet
>>703857010
My feels
>>703856926
Everyone becomes that creepy obsessive friend who doesnt give you any personal space.
You can see people's future with a touch.
>>703856926
is only ever platonic
Xray Vision
>>703857036
Ill become a youtuber get that adscense mane
>>703857153
only if you finger their ass
>>703857153
Of their corpse
>>703857153
So can they
>>703857153
Only instances where pooping is involved.
I can shape shift.
>>703856288 but you're down with the sickness
>>703857306
but once you shapeshift one time you cant do it again for a year
>>703857245
Jesus, thats horrifying
>>703857153
But you have no arms
>>703857306
Only into things that start with the letter p
you can turn invisible
>>703856658
You can (and will) do this on accident
Can fire stairway beams at will, eye lasers that create staircases
Worlds greatest swordsman...
But you have no arms!
Unlimited money
>>703857306
... but you can never turn back to yourself.
I can make people shit themselves by snapping my fingers.
>>703857587
Can't turn off this power
your eyelids are invisible, so you will have lots of trouble sleeping or generally ignoring anything
>>703857628
You can only buy things for other people (except for paying your own bills)
>>703857589
The process of doing so is severely painful, the equivalent feeling of child birth burns within your eyes.
Can communicate with the paranormal
>>703857153
But they see your most painful, guarded memory
Can separate any elements or compounds from substances I touch
>teleportation
>>703857628
...in foreign coins.
I can run at 500 mph
>>703857716
You are affected by your own snaps
I can eat/drink without having to shit/piss later
>>703856288
ability to stop time but for only 10 minutes at a time and once a day
>>703857889
Only when your shoes are tied.
>>703857589
constantly tripping up and down them
>>703857628
2nd great depression
>>703857716
also affects you
>>703857824
can only hear the ghost sex
>>703857869
turns your favorite food or items into base elements
>>703857883
not right behind someone
>>703857824
That's kind of a waste considering paranormals don't exist
>>703857716
But you also shit yourself.
Having voodoo powers where injuries inflicted on yourself happen to your enemy.
>>703857956
Instead you regurgitate your shit/piss.
Can make any woman want to fuck me.
Can time travel
>>703858101
the first use is after your head gets cut off by isis
>>703858150
but you have a tiny penis
>>703857979
I can work with this
>>703858150
only when you dream
>>703857716
For a radius of 5feet - affects the self as well
I can become invisible...
>>703858150
Have aids
>>703858159
Only backwards.
Can ejaculate on command
>>703858159
You can only ever be an hour away from the present in either direction
>>703858101
You react to your enemy's injuries the way he would react to them.
>>703857956
Grow hair extra fast, always have a cough from too much phlegm.
>>703858323
can't stop ejaculating for an hour once you use it
>>703858323
Ejaculations last a second
Can breath fire...
>>703858323
Cant ejaculate more than 1nce a week
>>703858251
Only when no ones looking
>who understood that reference?
I can turn into shadows
>>703858323
but you stay a virgin forever
>>703858454
is not fire proof
>>703858469
You must be naked.
Can melt steel beams...
>>703858454
You exhale fire no matter what, making fireballs the size of your mouth
No laws apply to you. Always win in court
>>703858652
But can only use jet fuel
>kek
I have a hugh mungus penis
>>703858652
live in the woods
>>703858652
only the ones in the twin towers tho. you lost your train a while ago (or should i say plane?)
My superpower is being as cool as fonzie
>>703857757
Nah if you where invisible the light would pass thru your retna. you would only see darkness.
>>703858751
is always accused of sexual assault
>>703858816
you're as old as he would be today
>>703858749
criminals always target you if they see you
>>703858816
you are also as dated as fonzie
You can access any account for any site on the internet without needing to know the password, username, or associated email
>>703858751
You turn black
>rip
Infinite lung capacity but
..
>>703858937
So you're blind
That's also a terrible fate
>>703859014
But you don't know you can
>>703856910
not immune to fire.
>>703859032
Cant swim
>>703858816
but secretly your an autistic neck beard who lives in his mothers basement. oh nevermind thats not much of a secret.
>>703859014
But only when your mother is what watching
Can give anyone an orgasm at a single touch...
>>703859454
can never have an orgasm
>>703859454
They think you raped them
you can make objects slightly damp through will-power alone
But realise that it could be the worst power ever and kill yourself.
Regrow severed limbs.
>>703857824
but no one believes you.
Is extremely lucky...
>>703860255
But your dick shrinks an inch every time you do
Btw nice suns
>>703860255
They grow back with a different skin color
Power to make people my slaves but only after I fistfuck them
>>703860351
Lucky because you keep surviving terrible diseases you contract.
You can posses others and control their actions.
how about the ability to make my dad come home, havent seen him in years
You can stop time
>>703860581
By having all their living male relatives pound your ass
>>703860581
>You can posses others and control their actions.
Only while you are inside them, in any way
>>703860653
Granted, but you're now a nigger
>>703860653
Twist: He loves raping his kids after he beat them into submission now. While around his offspring, his minimum physical power and speed is twice that of his offspring.
>>703860653
But he fucks your ass.
>>703860255
occasionally regrow limbs twice. Your body gets confused about which one is real; cannot rip its own arm off.
Can compress and manipulate air
>>703860658
-For one trillionth of a second.
My happiness will always exceed the happiest person on earth.
>>703860860
Only the air in your lungs
i can make any girl i want become my sex slave forever
>>703860890
when there's only one person on earth.
>>703860946
Only girls under 4 and they stop aging.
>>703860946
their vagina and anus get sealed up, they have a sensitive gag reflex
>>703860890
Granted, everyone is now severely and debilitatingly depressed
Super intelligence while I jack off...
>>703860946
But you turn gay.
Everything I do is forever perfect-
>>703860993
wait I thought we where supposed to add downsides?
>>703861025
Masturbating doesnt feel good
>>703861025
rock stupid when you aren't jacking off
People both in real life and online agree with you on all subjective matter
>>703857345
Damn you! Now I have that song playing in my head.
>>703861111
checked
>>703861032
Become paralysed from the neck down.
Know the answer to every question ever asked.
>>703861120
Doesnt matter got smart
>>703861111
1+1+1+1 = 4
he knew this all along
>>703860890
You develop a mental illness because of the cognitive dissonance of having a lover die and being overjoyed about it. You begin to question your health, your life, your deservedness... And, during this existential crisis, you remain completely delighted, which furthers your concerns.
Can accurately predict the future in conversation
>>703861164
can only answer them on wikipedia
>>703861025
...But when you orgasm your a non-functioning retard.
>inb4 no change
I never need to sleep...
>>703861164
But you don't know the answer until you eat 5 different flavored macaroons
I'm god with no limits, and no bounds.
>>703861250
You still have all the side effects of sleep deprivation
>>703861164
Unless the question contains the letter e
>>703861276
accidentally created a rock you can't move
The power to leap tall hoes in a single bound.
>>703861276
Until somebody asks you an existential question; you have to answer it before you regain your powers, and while answering it, you have no memory of being a God whatsoever, and are somewhat introspective, so you tend to wax on about these questions for some time in this state. You can't re-answer these questions, either.
>>703861276
Nobody believes in your existence
Everything tastes and smells good to you
>>703861025
Granted, but you gain incurable impotence.
>>703861565
their official designation is prostitutes
>>703861642
constantly get sick from sewer swimming
>>703861642
But looks like fresh turd.
Can predict 1 hour into the future.
>>703861200
Granted, but you are now deaf, dumb & blind.
>>703861760
of your sex life
>>703861760
Can only do it once a year
>>703861565
Granted, but you now have no legs.
Can see through walls when you utter a certain phrase
>>703861889
Granted, but you are now mute.
>>703861760
You always predict completely innocuous shit like getting picked on or looking out at a pretty view
Can manifest genies in various household implements
>>703861889
You have to yell "I am a huge faggot" at the top of your lungs
>>703861889
The phrase is "I hate niggers" and has to be said within earshot of a nigger.
Mimicking somebodies look. Like a shape shifter.
>>703861992
Granted, but the only genies you can summon are evil djinn.
>>703862066
Every step you take you blow a huge fart that everyone around can hear
>>703862066
Granted, but can only use powers in your natural form.
The ability to drink unlimited amounts of orange juice
>>703862334
but only in a champein glass
>>703862334
Granted, but it can only be Sunny D.
i can instantly convert anyone to islam
>>703862507
but they have to suicide bomb the nearest building
>>703862507
They become radicals, and you're gay
The ability to create magical barriers
>>703862664
You are supposed to add something
>>703862699
these barriers only last if you have a constant supply of semen streaming in your ass
>>703862699
Barriers that are knee high. Excellent at stopping dwarfen folk but nothing else.
You can persuade anyone to do anything.
>>703863220
Your finger has to be in their mouth the entire time
flame retardant
>>703863446
You react to water the same way a normal person reacts to fire.
The ability to reproduce by splitting into 2.
>>703863746
All your copies either have autism or cancer.
The ability to survive in any environment
>>703863746
You lose half your brain power each time, so, useful if you want a retarded empire
The ability to sterilize people by looking at them
>>703863929
You're uncomfortable in all environments
metal skeleton
>>703864027
But every time you do you become more fertile. You only have to brush past a chick and she'll have twins.
Withstand any pain
>>703864157
But its very heavy, you can only move 2 mph maximum.
>>703864298
What is the next ability? Idiot. I'll do it.
Super Genius Intellect.
the ability to browse 4chan for decades without turning gay
>>703858150
you are gay.
can control fingernail growth speed
>>703864245
become physically weaker after every injury
>>703864592
But its only on your middlefinger and it must be a 'fuck you' to grow it.
Do not age.
>>703864412
you have cerebral palsy
control of atomic structure itself
I can fart on command, including perfect control over pitch, volume and duration.
>>703864662
You're forever 12
complete understanding of every language
>>703861565
but people like you as much as they like eminem in 2016.
Which is not at all.
can deactivate security systems with my dick
>>703864801
no one else can hear/smell it, so your amazing talent will forever go unnoticed
>>703857120
>mu feels
lol
>>703864861
you understand them all, but will only ever be able to speak/write in swahili
>>703864801
Only while in car trunks
all of the geass powers
>>703864861
people only say rude things about you when you're in earshot
>>703864890
You're a female
poison doesn't affect you
>>703865230
Poison(The band) makes you drop dead instantly.
the power to make fresh water anywhere in the world
>>703865315
It all stays in solid form
Everytime I wink at any beautiful biological human female, she orgasms.
>>703865981
but then they wont have sex with you.
>>703865981
But everytime she orgasms, you are dealt excrutiating pain.
Can see thru walls.
>>703865981
She turns into hugh mungus
the power to make a ho into a housewife
>>703866108
i can live with that... i have a buisness plan for it... instant orgasms for $100.
>>703866118
but youre blind unless you stare at walls.
Can copy any power and use it at will.
>>703857979
10 min? 2 mins is enought for me ;=)
>>703866175
omg, that would be evil, going into neighboorhoods turinging all the attractive women into ugly men lol.
>>703865315
You piss it out.
The ability to make edible food wherever you are in the world.
>>703866499
but you piss it out.
the ability to control peoples minds.
>>703866683
You can only control your own mid
>>703866683
you can only control a persons mind if you stare into their eyes for 10 minutes without blinking.
>>703856839
Agoraphobic and stays indoors all the time
The power to be as good as i need to be at anything i want to do
>>703867349
you'll never be better than the lowest necessary skill level, there are always going to be lots of people better at you.
i can change my looks however i want
>>703867677
But when you do, a random family member becomes deathly sick.
>>703864432
Impossible
>>703867677
but you will always have a foul odor.
I can turn any substance into gold
>>703860255
They start as baby limbs and have to actually grow.
Yu have incredibly stretchy skin. You could stretch your ball bag down between your legs up your back and back over your head. Like a fleshy hood.
Probability control
I can make the outcome of situation go my way on a die roll of 1-4.
5 or 6 and it doesn't go the way I want it to.
>>703870158
that's easy. you're skin isn't elastic, once it's stretched it won't go back.
>>703870116
the people lose their desire for gold and it's now worth less than lead.
>>703871204
the dice is rigged so it'll fall on 5 or 6 80% of the time.
To be happy
>>703856761
U-uh anon if he can move anything with the power of thought, he can still move himself paralysis would be pointless?
>>703857010
Way to go anon. The whole world just an hero'ed
>>703857345
Oooh ah ah ah ah!
>>703856288
But have aids forever
>>703858150
They only fuck you in the ass with a strap on
Ability to heal like wolverine
>>703860946
They grow an eight inch cock
The ability to consume any matter and process it naturally(piss/shit)
>>703856926
Everyone wants to touch your asshole
>>703858469
I dunno it's a mystery man
>>703857306
Only shape shift shit
>>703873043
But you are trapped in a torture machine where every extremity is slowly ripped from your torso once it grows back.
Ability to turn back time
>>703873214
I have a feeling fluffy animals disturb you, right?
>>703873045
constant chili shits
omnipotence, faggots
>>703858380
Not that bad to be honest.
Everytime you fuck up you can just redo.
X ray vision but only can see through feminazi and land whales clothes.
>>703873043
healing that quickly costs a lot of energy so every time you heal anything bigger than a small cut you need to eat like 10k calories at once and sleep for a couple days.
>>703856288
The ability to stop globalism.
Twist: Most of the world is against you at first.
Can roll quads every time
>>703873386
you're a mute.
invisibility
>>703874952
But you smell horrifically bad
You have a get out of jail free card that works IRL and you get £200 every time you pass a green traffic light.
>>703875179
Every road has a detour that lands you at a hotel at pall mall. You don't own this hotel and you are forced to pay parking and stay the night.
Never have to pay tax
>>703864157
Metal skeleton = no red blood cells. Gonna need constant injections
Can bend anyone's will power to do whatever I say killgrave style
>>703875610
Have no idea what killgrave is, thus unaware of the power
Never have to sleep
>>703865315
You have drink the water to purify it
Ability to talk to yourself in alternate realities
My ability is the fnords and it's a fucking
>>703870116
The floor is lava
Anything coloured red I can turn into an explosive
>>703875876
But you have severe mental issues like schizo so you don't know if it's really happening and severe amnesia that you don't know what happened for the last 24hours, everyday
>>703876050
but the explosion is instantaneous and the superpower has a range less than the blast radius
i can roll around at the speed of sound
>>703875850
It's basically if I tell some one to do something they will have the overwhelming urge to complete what ever I say even if it kills them
Also eternal sleep with no tear ducts
>>703876211
Glass shoulders
Can perfectly mimic any voice or accent
>>703876050
But you need to be within 1m of said explosives, so no big ones enough to take you out as well.
>>703876351
But only works in vacuum
>>703875610
Super quiet voice
Can possess any living being like a ghost
>>703876646
but everytime you possess someone the effects are so strong it crippled them whole so you're left with a vegetable
>>703876949
It would make abductions so much easier
>>703856288
Have mastered the control of the harmonics of existence.
>>703877273
You exist for 1 hour a day
>>703856288
Can alter other people's bodies
>>703877176
Oh and each time you possessed someone your previous vessel gets instanly vaporized.
>>703876363
Red confetti flame thrower all the way
Acid blood
>>703877456
It would make getting abducted so much easier
ability to levitate
>>703877456
Is also be able to kill everyone in a city by just possessing and unpossessing them. I'm the perfect killer. Quick and without a trace
>>703877637
with the power of farts
>>703877637
You have no weight meaning people can just kick you around
Core temperature of 1000 degrees Celsius
>>703877708
amazing
>>703877760
But constantly cold
The power to find my will to kill myself
>>703856910
Kek
>>703856288
>>703866288
>am immune to all sickness
But you are severely constipated forever.
>>703877989
To retarded to know how to go through with it
Super dense bones and hyper flexibility
>>703878074
No bones makes you a pile of flesh and organs
The ability to walk on water
>>703878156
Tiny fetus legs
Ability to disregard people's opinions
Can automatically understand any language in the universe.
Cannot speak or write a single one.
>>703878156
Only in your shower
The ability to turn into a life sized pepe with all pepe related powers.
>>703878074
The weight and flexibility of your bones means you have toalway be tense and rigid or you'll become a puddle.
>>703856829
hello, eleven
>>703878283
Overwhelmed by feels
Can experience other people's memories
>>703857869
But only by taking alpha particles out
Can fuse elements together,and the result is stable
>>703878247
You have a stocking/footfag fetish.
>>703878283
Turned into printer paper
>>703878247
But it hurts you so deeply, every night you attempt to kill yourself but fail
To make everything I read the comic sans font
>>703878283
The pepe market was flooded and you have little value.
You can travel through metal and wires by becoming energy.
>>703878403
Your job can only be rape victim counselor.
>>703878452
You get used on some cheapass Indian 5w bulb
The ability to turn into a penis with legs at any time
>>703859032
So theoretically he can live without inhaling or exhaling
>>703878518
But only when falling
>>703878434
Idgaf
Can alter gravity
>>703878452
Cant turn back
>>703878423
You are only allowed to fuze 1,000,000 atoms at once. Only atoms with odd atomic numbers.
>>703878618
But you can only do it once and it'll fuck with the orbits of the planets in the solar system
The power to conjure money.
>>703878518
You do so by teleporting your body to where the smallest sick in the world was, and then it teleports to you, vesoming your body, leaving some asian with your body as a dick, if he leaks fluid it comes out your mouth, also you will be the world's smallest penis with legs.
The power to run amd be in charge of 4chan forever with no consequences for anything posted.
>>703878624
Send me to space,bois,I'll make gold out of the sun
>>703878498
I can live with that
>>703878618
But you remain weighted to the ground, due to your fat price of shit body
>>703878518
You have erectile disfunction and are a premature ejaculator.
>>703878719
You can only summon 1 yen per day.
>>703878732
KeK man jeez
>>703878724
You'll be an even bigger faggot than you are now
>>703878730
>Gold from 1,000,000 atoms
Kek! Yea, in like a billion years!
>>703857587
You can turn invisible, only when no one is looking at you. (this includes through mirrors, video cameras, pictures and security footage.)
I am big cums to my penis
>>703878518
>>703878757
Your hero name is freaky leaky
>freaky leaky
>>703856761
> move things with the power of thought
> can't voluntarily move muscles
> move muscles with power of thought
Net result: you suck.
>>703878978
Penis no feel the same way
Indistructable
>>703857186
It's actual X-Rays and so everyone you know will eventually get sick and die from exposure.
>>703879101
Constant excruciating pain in your penis
>>703859789
You piss your pants though
>>703878451
Must watch mlg tellytubbies to recharge
>>703878978
>I am big cums to my penis
But only when your orgasm is ruined by your mother accidentally walking in on you when you are fapping.
Power to count to 7 on /b/
ability to manupilate matter at the atomic level with only the power of thought
>>703857979
i also could work with this
>>703860658
shit tier jojo tbh fam
>>703879303
Your top manipulation speed is 1 atom/minute
>>703878451
That's already enough pain used for sudoku
Can un burn pieces of toast
>>703879463
>implying I don't like the font
>>703856761
>And- you've "proven" that black holes radiate matter, but will likely never visit one while you're alive. Your medical directives stipulate that upon your death your body is frozen within a vat of sterile saline solution laced with glucose, vitamins, and marrow bone jelly, All encased within a hermetically sealed gold box. When fusion engines begin to power humanity's extrasolar travels your thusly preserved body is sent a nearby minor black hole to encounter the event of it's imminent evaporation to travel against the direction of its hyper fast rotation at the moment it is due to be absorbed by a slightly larger black hole.
You awake in the tesseract and exist again just long enough to effect a change upon humanity. Being English, you reintroduce the tradition of homosexual sex with new boys at Cambridge with a slight twist- the new boys Get fucked by the Upperclassmen instead of the other way 'round.
>>703879253
No-one will ever acknowledge it.
The power to become a cute anime girl.
>>703856288
>Dog welder.
My job is done here.
>>703879514
>>703879253
Can only count to seven
Super efficient digestive system that uses 100% of everything it eats
>>703856288
can shit out of other peoples mouths but you get the taste
>>703879703
Constantly shitting
>>703879703
Sweat poop
>>703879703
Since you store 100% of the energy, you get fat if you eat more than 500 calories a day.
>>703856839
You paralysed from the waist down
Can create any kind of program (game or app) in a few days on my own, even those that normally take a group of 300 developers and several years.
>>703873214
Don't have the ability to find a way
>>703879703
Become super fat if you don't move for more than 5 mins
Can control spiders
>>703878986
>freaky leaky
>>703880286
If their front legs are bigger than their backlegs
>>703879614
>The title comic sans implies that it has one specific usage
>COMICS
Nvm. Your downside is that you have a life span of 24 pages in pictures. You live for as long as 6 yr olds have interest in you
>>703856288
But you have cancer
>inb4 lrn2medicine
Cancer is not an illness, it's nature's way for correcting biological fuck ups.
Omnilingualism
>>703880825
>implying I give a fuck
I use it on my steam skin, fam
>>703880901
You talk backwards
Super soldier
>>703881076
An omnilingual yoda, I can live with that.
But you're one of those 11B soldiers whose recruiter had to modify your ASVAB to barely pass
>>703866372
But no powers exist so you're just a regular dude
>>703880901
You live 30000 BC
Summoning immortal fighting Pepe slaves
Can pass through any material
But keep falling into the ground.
