Feels/Heavy mind thread. Slapped by reality Edition.
Bump
Also check my dubs
Hi \b\. OP here. I have a short story but I'm afraid to start.
Is there anybody in here? just nod if you can hear me, is there anybody home
>>703830103
nod
>>703830103
Just post the story, faggot.
Well alright it's more of a confession
In the past few weeks I have affirmed that I have been hiding from reality all my life. I do not know myself anymore, I never did. I do not feel suicidal but rather, I feel miserably taunted that I cannot live a life I dream of. I cannot experience things the same way anymore. I am desensitized, exhausted, and numb. All my life I have been a loner and a burden upon my parents. they don't deserve this, they're good people. i am sorry that i had to make you read this if you are still here; i cant take it anymore i just need someone to talk to.
>>703830103
You wanted to
>>703830439
You have a kik
does anyone else feel like this, trapped in a construct of your own fucked up mind?
>>703830439
Bud, we all feel that way.It's life, you just gotta make it through. You'll make it.
>>703830656
Yep
Hey guys, here's a liquid dnb track to get alone with the feels.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PWkd-Hr_bgg
It's not that I can't make it. I've been managing all my life. It's just that I don't know where to go and i dont want to dig myself a deeper grave
>be me
>start college 10 weeks ago
>meet a girl at week 3
>start talking to her
>she seems pretty normal, she's not very shy and I like that
>we meet some times
>we start petting in this meetings
>I don't make a move in the first two meetings cuz 2beta
>we go to a room in the library
>start reading
>cuddling somehow
>we are about to go
>try to kiss her
more?
>>703831284
Yis
I've tried taking a gap year to try and get my shit together but i was just hit by a sudden realization that shattered the dream I've been longing since i was 14
>>703831284
>Bring my index finger to her mouth
>ask her if she wants to kiss
>she says nothing
>I slowly bring my face closer to hers
>she does nothing
>take my face apart
>don't you want to?
>says nothing, keeps talking about what we talking, some funny videos or shit like that
>I think "maybe she wants to go slower"
Oh boy, how wrong I was
>>703831284
Yes mate
>be me
>recently 18
>was tricked into thinking someone loved me for over 3 years
>they might've but now they're using anything and everything against me
>posted my nudes
>he can't even respond and tell me why he left
>fuckingpussy.exe
>i loved him and was going to off myself before he came around
>i only stayed for him
>killing myself the 30th of this month
so now, any questions for dead man?
>>703832149
>meet her a few more times
>stalk her on facebook
>"single"
>nice
>also she's always with some fat neckbeard
>ask her if she's her boyfriend
>says no
>"well, I got chances"
>ask her out one more time
>this time I'll do it
>To this moment, she was really nice to me, all people thought she liked me and shit
>Meet her at the end of classes
>hugs, handholding and shit
>we go to eat something
>talk a lot, she makes me a lot of compliments
>after that, we go to the bus station
>she's about to go
>gonna do it
>kiss her in the lips
>expect something to happen
>what the fuck why isn't she fucking moving
>"what happens"
>she smiles
>whispers to my ear
"sorry, I have a boyfriend"
>>703832686
You are gay or a woman?
>>703832686
there is so much more to life than a relationship. Whoever did that to you does not deserve what you have to offer. You are still young and full of energy man, there is nothing sadder in life than wasted potential.
>>703829671
I have been listening to this song repeatedly since I discovered it two days ago.
It seems relevant to post it for some reason:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=W_rC-495Z_A
>>703833033
Ace golemi is that you?
I was really happy for the last time one year ago, i miss this a lot...
>>703832686
r u gay?
>>703833267
I like to think of happiness as a mountain. You glimpse the peak and you spend your entire life trying to reach it. But whatever you do, never stop climbing
I can't go a day without thinking about suicide but in the end I'll just be forgotten. People that have never known me will cry and say that they knew me or some shit. I hate the idea that people will cry over someone they never gave a shit about and will very likely forget I even existed in a couple of years.
>>703832855
>>703833469
woman but pls no tits or gtfo
= heavy mind
>>703832942
i thought about that but literally the first time i feel love and it ends like this? i don't expect my luck to get much better
>>703833219
be well
i have this wash of apathy over everything that happens. Traumatic events in my life or events that change the course of my life dont really seem to have an effect on me.
Consequences for my actions dont seem to really bother me because unless its jail or a mental asylum, i have it in my mind that whatever it is, will be alright and its only temporary.
because of this i dont really feel happy ever. Its either just, eh. today is ok i guess or i get extremely depressed and just feel like shit for days.
>i sat at the edge of my bed for 2 hours debating if i would go to class or not
within the next week or so im going to go talk to someone about it. not really sure what to expect or what to even say
>>703829671
You know...hope is a mistake, if you cant fix whats broken you'll go insane
some one posted this in a ylyl thread on gif
>>>/gif/9266693
>>703834568
>i have this wash of apathy over everything that happens. Traumatic events in my life or events that change the course of my life dont really seem to have an effect on me.
Consequences for my actions dont seem to really bother me because unless its jail or a mental asylum, i have it in my mind that whatever it is, will be alright and its only temporary.
because of this i dont really feel happy ever.
Same, help
>>703834212
Everyone experiences shitty heartbreaks, the first girl i ever confessed my feelings to rejected me hard. My mom and dad were cheating on each other while preaching to me that marriage is sacred. Love is horrible but its something we cant ever avoid
>>703834694
#p9266693
>>703831075
Are you still here? I can help. I can help anyone here.
>>703834212
the first time always hits hardest but don't end it this soon, just give yourself some time to heal
>>703834568
im in a very similar situation man, I just want you to know that you're not alone in this. I just feel disconnected from everything around me
>>703834990
>>703834568
I can totally rel8 guys, I just don't really give a fuck, but I want to care...
The thing is you assume this thing called reality even exists. The human senses can all be simulated and reality may not even be real. There is no way i can prove im real. There is no way you can prove that you are real. All we have is ourselves.
>>703834990
Do you want help or are you ok? You sound quite comfortable.
>>703834964
yeah I've been replying to as many posts as I can without sounding edgy.
There's a certain sense of peace I feel when I help ppl who are going through things you've already experienced.
>>703835330
see >>703835344
also, check em
>>703835327
There are certain times where reality doesn't exist the way we think it does.
But everyone always seems to forget what has happened except me. I'm constantly having to have the same conversations over and over again. Like fucking 24/7 déjà vu
>>703835765
I feel exactly the same. My life is just wash rinse repeat in my day to day life i have nothing special in daily conversation. I sometimes dream i have a convo or lose something somewhere or just whatever then about a week later it happens. Crazy shit
>>703835344
That's what I do too. I'm not exactly free from the depression but I've done things in my life that have helped me.
Step 1: change my surroundings
I moved away from my psycho mother and have been going up ever since.
Step 2: do something that you wouldn't usually do and plan it by yourself.
>>703830439
You socialize even if you don't want too, you smile even if you don't want too, you go outside and force yourself into that 9-5 job, 3 bed room house with wife and 2.5 kids. Everyone wears a mask, everyone feels lone and sad. You fill your life with so much crap you forget that you're going to die and that no matter what you do you will die alone.
>>703834964
Ok then help me. I fucking hate life and I go day by day questioning my own life and if it's worth living. I will randomly pick up a knife or box cutter and hold it to my neck or wrists, I'll take out a handful of pain killers and just stare at them. Death is so tempting to me, the only thing that kept me alive up tell now was the fear of hell or some horrible afterlife but at this point I don't care anymore. If a God truly exists how could he possibly let me live, how could he let me have such horrible thoughts cloud my head. There is no god but even if he does exist he doesn't give a shit about any of us. I have never been anymore physically healthier in my life than now but at the same time I have never felt so mentally unhealthy in my life
>>703834091
its a green text and you didnt start with femanon here so your good
>>703836240
Amen!
>>703829671
Your picture looks like the picture of 'songs of solitude'
>>703836240
I can see that, I just don't want it to happen, I remember it so vividly how it is as if yesterday i was ecstatic about life. I didn't have a good childhood but I miss the blissful innocence more than anything.
>>703829955
Double dubs checked.
I don't normally post here, but I've gone through a couple periods of absolutely hopeless depression and understand how debilitating it can be. I like to try and help those who peer into the abyss whenever possible.
I've struggled through my own existential crisis, and even now I can't help but feel some form of nihilism. But that's necessarily bad.
Why does one dance, my friends? To get to the other side of the floor? Or simply for the sake of dancing?
Life is exactly the same way. You live for the sake of living. Be grateful for the fact that we are alive, and that we are the special few who can see past the illusion of all the "profound" societal nonsense we've been indoctrinated with, even if it comes as a burden. Just think of the incredibly unlikely circumstances of your birth, and the beautiful (albeit heavy) gift that has been bestowed upon you.
That heavy gift, that unique burden is what truly sets you free, once you see that you're not really carrying anything at all.
So please, dance, friends. Dance with the pain. Dance with the sorrow. Dance with the joy. Even death is it's own dance. Its all the same, whether you see it or not.
Everything is exactly as it should be. You can either deny it, or accept that there is much more to your world than you may think.
>>703834990
>>703835271
its odd. i dont really know how to get out of it and i cant really pinpoint a certain point where it began but i do remember one of the first times i really noticed it
>grandpa is dying of lung cancer
>1 month of hospice
>rarely visit because it makes me uncomfortable to see him have to get our attention with a bell and have all the tubes and shit hooked up to him
>but not sad
>over at my house one day
>we live right next to each other
>playing cards with my friend
>mom comes over and says he passed away
>oh, ok
>finish game of cards
>go over, everyone is crying
>feel nothing really either way
>if anything, relieved for him because he isnt in pain anymore
the temptation to tell you to get that tumblr ass image off my board is strong, but I do support this for real
>>703832792
Oh Shit. That is fucked up.
Check em
>>703830439
New level achieved
>adulthood
>>703832686
don't let him have that satisfaction. you can go on, be okay, for yourself. then you're going to fucking make it, and he won't have had any part of it. prove you never needed his sorry ass.
>>703836719
meant to add, i was around 13 or 14 at this time
>>703836855
Mind. Blown.
I'm schizoaffective (schizophrenia + bipolar, basically) and have ADD.
My dream was to be a psychologist. I wanted to since before I knew the word for it, I was 9 or so.
I feel that I'll never achieve my dream because of my mental disorders, and I'm afraid that my children will inherit my disorders. I'm also afraid that I'll lose myself to said disorders before I've had time to gather enough information to really help my children cope if they get them.
>>703837251
Had clinical depression and undiagnosed ADHD inattentive presentation. Have a master's degree, and Ph.D. I'm probably going to avoid because research is bullshit politics. If you are stable and on your meds it's just a matter of patience and effort. Life's a sprint, not a marathon, you can take 10 years to get your Ph.D. but it'll still be yours. My boss was in special education all his life and he still got a Ph.D.
I go to school and just act like a happy go lucky kid. I sigh and go into isolation in my room and my parents ask if anything is the matter and I say no. I hate being depressed but I don't want to take pills or see a shrink . I don't why it's just my mind tells me no everytime I convince myself to talk to them about it. I love dreaming , i don't feel anything then really. Like why keep going if none of my actions matter anyways?
>>703836719
While everyone mourns a different way I don't find it unusual that u feel or felt that way. I was the same way when my grandmother died. She was in pain for a long time and it ended for her. To a certain extent I was happy for her, shes somewhere else happier and free from pain.
>>703836951
if adulthood discards all ambitions then I will do all I can to not grow up anon. I can not imagine a life this dull
>>703837464
You and your boss are pretty impressive. Maybe I'll see about getting it done. I'd really like to, I know it'll hurt for the rest of my life if I don't.
>>703836344
it's not always about you
also, check'd
I'm bored life has become to easy for me.
I have nothing to worry about. I'm not interested in anything anymore. I'm a college student and that's all I have to my name. It's rare for me to feel sympathy now.
And I'm afraid I'm losing my grip on myself more and more when I start to question why I'm here.
I don't want to die but it's boring having no interest in my life it's just a waste of time.
>>703829671
I fucking hate school. I fucking hate it. Wanna drop out but don't know where I land. I REALLY FUCKING HATE IT. I just wanna graduate already. The funny thing is I bet when I get out to the field nobody is going to ask me for my diploma. They just want to see shit. God I fucking hate university. I fucking hate it.
Generic advice from someone with a master's in clinical psychology but applies to a lot of you.
If you have depression for no reason, or memory loss for no reason, or anything for no real reason, or suicidal thoughts or intent or urges, then you likely have something wrong with your brain chemistry. You are not a freak or a bad person for having that. It is literally like not having 20/20 vision, you don't feel or see things the same way "normal" people do because you aren't getting enough, or are getting too much, of a certain chemical. Talk to a doctor, tell them how you are feeling. Anti depressants especially are not THAT expensive, even without insurance.
For people that are depressed/messed up for a reason, go talk to a professional. Being even the lowest end therapist requires the equivalent of 6 years education, not even including internships and stuff. It isn't just "talking". Look up cognitive behavioral therapy and try some of the stuff yourself, you can buy books as well.
TL;DR If you feel miserable and it hasn't changed, change the stuff that makes you miserable. Whether it be brain chemistry or circumstances. Nothing will change until you will it, BUT, you -can- change it, that I promise you. Had clinical depression myself and undiagnosed ADD (though ADHD in new DSM because fucktarded)
Quit stressing about your lives you'll learn to cope as you mature. Also you need to check out these sweet dubs
>>703838023
I want to believe you anon. God I hope you're on to something.
Thought I would contribute. I've been depressed for nearly eight years now and I have developed the nihilism you seem to be writing about. I've bought a power rack and barbell and am lifting weights. I practice guitar, will eventually try and learn piano on this Yamaha thing I bought. Also I want to get into yoga because my legs are so inflexible and also I want to get back into meditation and uncover the secrets of completely mastering my mind through raja yoga. I hope that will work anyway.
>>703837974
>>703837916
While i could tell you the general "this is life" response, I want to believe that things can change if you find your passion and let it kill you, what other option do you have?
>>703837679
Think you're making your choice then man. You don't even have to see a shrink necessarily but you CAN talk to your parents. Sounds like they still care. Plus, do you value NOT talking to them over not being depressed all the time? If so why? Worst case scenario you try something new and it doesn't work for you, but is that really worse than your current situation?
>>703837831
Even if you don't, CHOOSE to not. Don't cut yourself short saying you can't do it. There's no shame in choosing a different path, but don't refuse a path because you feel you don't have a choice, when you absolutely do.
>>703837878
Lies
>>703837916
Do some stuff that you've wanted to do but takes you outside of your comfort zone. Can't be bored when you're anxious yeah? Might even have fun.
>>703837974
Why are you in school then? Do you at least like the subject you are studying? What parts do you hate?
>>703838023
I need advice
I've lost interest in many things over the past few years. I haven't got much to look forward to, as I can't seem to derive genuine pleasure from anything. I work 9-5 Monday to Friday, workout three times a week, and usually sleep most of the other time.
how can I be certain I need help
>>703838240
Good luck anon. Hope u find peace in your adventures
This thread sucks.
>>703838240
good luck you wonderful bastard
>>703838701
then why are you here
>>703838768
why are you
>>703838240
I, too, wish you the best of the luck you magnificent bastard
>>703838185
That's very passive and not everyone does. How about "as you get older you will learn to accept the world better and adjust to when things don't go your way"? Same dealio I suppose
>>703838226
Living example man. Do this to people all the time.
>>703838240
That's great man. I would say don't bite off more than you can chew, as that sounds like a lot for a depressed person. Also suggest doing cardio (yoga is good for that) as well as that's the best thing for depression at least exercise wise. Worst case scenario it likely won't hurt any. I wish you the best of luck.
It's been 10 years since I fell for her.
It still fucking hurts. She has never returned my feelings, and never will. I accept this, but I can't stop it from hurting. I try so hard to force myself to stop feeling this way, but the only way to be successful is to end our friendship, probably. And she's such a good friend, that I couldn't possibly do that to her.
>>703838456
Talking to my parents isn't going to change shit . They're gonna make me go to shrink if I say shit about it they'll force me to talk to somebody or take some pills and shit and that doesn't sound favorable for me.
>>703838823
I'm interested in the discussion
>>703838501
For Dysthymia:
Diagnostic Criteria 300.4 (F34.1)
This disorder represents a consolidation of DSM-IV-defined chronic major depressive disorder and dysthymic disorder.
Depressed mood for most of the day, for more days than not, as indicated by either subjective account or observation by others, for at least 2 years.
Note: In children and adolescents, mood can be irritable and duration must be at least 1 year.
Presence, while depressed, of two (or more) of the following:
Poor appetite or overeating.
Insomnia or hypersomnia.
Low energy or fatigue.
Low self-esteem.
Poor concentration or difficulty making decisions.
Feelings of hopelessness.
During the 2-year period (1 year for children or adolescents) of the disturbance, the individual has never been without the symptoms in Criteria A and B for more than 2 months at a time.
Criteria for a major depressive disorder may be continuously present for 2 years.
There has never been a manic episode or a hypomanic episode, and criteria have never been met for cyclothymic disorder.
The disturbance is not better explained by a persistent schizoaffective disorder, schizophrenia, delusional disorder, or other specified or unspecified schizophrenia spectrum and other psychotic disorder.
The symptoms are not attributable to the physiological effects of a substance (e.g., a drug of abuse, a medication) or another medical condition (e.g. hypothyroidism).
The symptoms cause clinically significant distress or impairment in social, occupational, or other important areas of functioning.
>>703838959
me too thanks
>>703834212
My first girlfriend that lasted over a month lasted 5 years. She went behind my back and hooked up with an abusive guy from her past while I was pretty much bed ridden for a month and threw it in my face.
It hurt. It hurt for months. But my lifes better than it was then. You will pull through this Anon.
>>703838501
For major depressive disorder
Five (or more) of the following symptoms have been present during the same 2-week period and represent a change from previous functioning; at least one of the symptoms is either (1) depressed mood or (2) loss of interest or pleasure.
Note: Do not include symptoms that are clearly attributable to another medical condition.
Depressed mood most of the day, nearly every day, as indicated by either subjective report (e.g., feels sad, empty, hopeless) or observation made by others (e.g., appears tearful). (Note: In children and adolescents, can be irritable mood.)
Markedly diminished interest or pleasure in all, or almost all, activities most of the day, nearly every day (as indicated by either subjective account or observation).
Significant weight loss when not dieting or weight gain (e.g., a change of more than 5% of body weight in a month), or decrease or increase in appetite nearly every day. (Note: In children, consider failure to make expected weight gain.)
Insomnia or hypersomnia nearly every day.
Psychomotor agitation or retardation nearly every day (observable by others, not merely subjective feelings of restlessness or being slowed down).
Fatigue or loss of energy nearly every day.
Feelings of worthlessness or excessive or inappropriate guilt (which may be delusional) nearly every day (not merely self-reproach or guilt about being sick).
Diminished ability to think or concentrate, or indecisiveness, nearly every day (either by subjective account or as observed by others).
Recurrent thoughts of death (not just fear of dying), recurrent suicidal ideation without a specific plan, or a suicide attempt or a specific plan for committing suicide.
The symptoms cause clinically significant distress or impairment in social, occupational, or other important areas of functioning.
The episode is not attributable to the physiological effects of a substance or to another medical condition.
>>703838858
Then you are choosing to be depressed and you have no one to blame but yourself.
"They're going to make me talk to a professional to help me to have more positive emotions OR have me take medications to help with a potential chemical imbalance. I'd prefer depression over not being depressed"
Like frankly, count your blessings you have parents that would care enough to give you the option rather than call you a pussy and tell you to grow up. I.e. what I am telling you.
>>703838456
Graphic Design. Hate Profs bragging about work done by people who aren't even graphic designers and just the program making us take these courses on Art History that won't be used out in the field. Graphic Design is all I know how to do, otherwise if I had no other skills I would've done death by helium by now. School is probably the biggest Catch 22 in which it seems like I need it to get work but I can't get real exposure to work with school (I may have reworded that wrong).I may have depression. I can talk to people with grace, but this road to graduation sucks. If anything this is more of a vent.
>>703837251
>>703837464
if you don't mind me asking, how did you guys receive treatment? Poor college kid here, and no mental health facilities in my area would accept my insurance because it came from healthcare.gov. My employer can't let me work over 29 hours, or they'd have to give me benefits. 29 hours isn't much when you're footing the bill for housing, a vehicle, and tuition on your own... much less health insurance. So I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. I'm ready to find my peace.
If you are doing what you are passionate you will not be depressed, nihilistic or negatively existential. Do something physical like walking, jogging or lifting. Talk to people at your own pace, maybe online or at a hobby or something. Study something, read. Do something creative, which is easier than you'd think. Do oragami, draw or doodle some inane patterns and build on it until you have something interesting. Learn an instrument (I cannot stress how awesome it is to practice scales & arpeggios or just doodle with improvisation). If you download audacity you can record yourself over yourself with just one guitar, edit each track afterwards and get some nice effects. Decide right now what you want to do. Think back to before you got yourself into this state and remember when you were happiest. Choose a goal that is related to that feeling. Maybe you used to be more physically active? Maybe you were in a (better) relationship? Maybe you worked at certain job in a certain line of work? Maybe you want to move house and live somewhere else? In the country? In a high-rise? In another country? Maybe just a vacation? What I'm suggesting is that you ask yourself what you want if nothing was standing in your way, no limits that have been put on you by others?
Take the first step, no matter how small.
Then consistently take small steps, recognising the need to be realistic in how you progress.
Know how you learn and take it easy on yourself.
Learn how to take bigger steps sometimes.
The more you fill your life with this the happier and happier you will be.
You will be astounded at what you can achieve. Anyone can become a pioneer. The more you become 'yourself', understanding what bit is you want and how to make it reality, the happier you will be.
>>703839436
Understandable. Maybe on your off days you could intern somewhere so you could gain some real world skills and contacts, and would actually feel you are making useful strides in your career. May make the bullshit more tolerable. In the very least, if you intern as that and find you'd rather die than do graphic design, then better to do a menial job you are okay at but don't hate, then a job you despise that you're good at.
>>703838602
>>703838751
>>703838835
>>703838836
Thank you for the kind words. It's been a year since I started doing these things and I already feel like I can make it.
>>703839307
Jesus dude don't have to get triggered because I feel talking to a shink won't help . I know pills would but I just feels like it wouldn't make me be me if you get me.
>>703839483
If you live in the states look for an MHMR or similar facility. It can take awhile to "get in" but they can help quite a bit with getting medications or in the very least pointing you in the right direction. I was lucky enough to have parents who had insurance.
>>703839641
Thanks for the response anon. Peace man.
>>703839538
thanks anon i needed that
>>703836344
Do you have a job? What area do you live?
>>703839040
>>703839118
thank you for that
though I've never had any real issues with sleeping, presuming most people don't get enough sleep anyways, and I've never had any form of eating disorder or drastic change in weight. as for the other symptoms.. definitely have low self esteem, shit concentration, and somewhat constant feeling of emptiness or hopelessness. I can't imagine a future any different than now. I don't know if I should do something about it, or if I even want to anymore, to be honest
I had feelings for someone, and I didn't tell him. I told him that I admired him, which is true, but I didn't say more than that.
He was so much better than me that I couldn't even consider telling him how I felt. Plus, I was so happy just talking to him casually that I didn't feel the need to.
I haven't heard from him in 2 months today (9/13) and it hurts more than I thought it could. I still hope every day he'll throw me a text and just chat with me for a bit.
I feel stupid for developing feelings for him, but I know he didn't intentionally hurt me. I just hope I'll soon stop feeling like I've been punched in the gut when I think of him.
He meant more to me than I could have really expressed, but damn I wish I had tried, even being sure he didn't feel the same.
>>703839787
for what it's worth, anon, I hope you make it. wherever it is you want to be in life, I hope you make it there
>>703839863
Think you overestimate the level of emotional reaction I had. As a therapist I'm just sick of that excuse. There are so many adolescents and kids that come in with genuine problems that could have immediate relief from medications and their parents refuse to help them because it'd be weak, they don't believe in it, medications don't work, "wouldn't be them", etc. They base this off of literally nothing. No research, no personal experience.
Do you really have so much Stockholme syndrome to your own misery that you feel that you NOT being miserable for no reason would fundamentally alter who you are as a person? Do you have so little regard for yourself that you think that's your defining feature? All that anti-depressants do, if done correctly and cautiously, is that you find that you don't feel tired for no reason or miserable for no reason or suicidal for no reason. Instead you feel sad when you're supposed to feel sad, and happy when you're supposed to be happy, i.e. not being dysfunctional. In the absolute worst case scenario let's say you try something you literally have never tried. Do you sincerely believe that you'd take a medication so DRAMATICALLY altering that if you stopped the medication you'd be permanently altered and forever not the same? This isn't like 2 grams of LSD man, these are anti-depressants. In fact the main problem is that they will start you off as low as possible to the point it will likely feel like it's doing NOTHING, and you have to be patient enough to slowly up the dosage until you actually start feeling stuff.
TL;DR "I feel like it wouldn't be me anymore" isn't a good reason because you have no idea. That is the equivalent of saying if I could snap my fingers and fix the problem RIGHT NOW, without medication, you wouldn't want me to because it "wouldn't be you". Except it's not even that because THAT would actually be permanent.
Hey /b/ros, any good movies recommendationsfor feels that deals with either loneliness or of a failure trying to strive for something or someone (would prefer if on Netflix or Hulu)
>>703840148
Imagine a world where you didn't feel exhausted or sad for no reason. That you were happy when you were "supposed to" and sad when you were "supposed to". That you didn't feel miserable for absolutely no reason. That is the life you can have. I'd say that's a life worth fighting for.
>>703840249
Unless you have absolutely no way to contact him, you are currently choosing to let it die regardless. So why not go out with a bang, say how you feel, likely (at least in your mind) get rejected, but at least you'll never regret you didn't try or think what could have been? As someone who has been there, I have never regretted saying something, and being rejected. Or if I did, it at least went away. I still regret NOT saying things when I had the chance. You still have the chance.
>>703840777
Bojack Horseman. It is NOT a happy show, but I think it is very insightful. If only to show you what not to do.
If you are into anime I'd watch welcome to the NHK. Once again, not very happy, but is very "Real".
here's some blackened doom to you metalheads out there https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=P8ieVfyEdZs
>>703840595
Thanks. Honestly.
>>703840904
Yeah, I guess it can't really hurt to tell him. As far as I'm concerned, he's already left me, so it's not like that's a danger anymore. Might as well do it now that there's basically no risk, right?
>>703841177
No problem man.
>>703841035
Thanks, loved reading and watching NHK
I don't want to patronise but if anyone in this thread is depressed related to poor physical fitness, walking can be a great start if oyu're obese or really messed up physically. I was an alcoholic for a year and it really messed up my fitness along with smoking heavily.
Just leaving my house and walking a mile gave me massive benefits. As the weeks went by it went from one mile to two, to four etc all the way up to twelve.
These days I wear a hiking rucksack with between ten and twenty kilos and walk about eight miles. Walking can be a great first step if your fitness is holding you back from things in life. Walking is very healthy.
Also if social anxiety holds you back from walking, then you can factor this into your walking in terms of where and when you walk. If you experience any level of stress due to walking past people (maybe you're embarrassed about heavy breathing or just feel awkward) don't blame yourself and don't feel bad to cut the walk short.
If you're wondering where you can walk, go outside, pick a direction and just explore. At some point when you're ready, turn left or right and go either clockwise or anti-clockwise back on yourself. Pick new directions every time you leave your house and enjoy exploring.
>>703836240
That's why you live it up and just do what you want to do.
>>703834568
a-are you me?
If anyone is experiencing depression related to socialising with friends and relationships, the internet is already at hand to help you. You are connected to everyone you choose and can bring people into your life that you get on well with. For example, the people in this thread are all within a certain wavelength and seem to be helping each other. I don't want to patronise anyone but it can help to know that you don't have to use your real photo or name online, just pick a picture you like and make up a name. Join some facebook groups or forums that share your interests and just lurk in them, only contributing when you want to.
Become pen pals through email with random strangers.
If you're feeling bold go on chatroullette and see if you can make friends with people on there.
You have immediate access to everyone online, so you can basically create situations to bring people that you want into your life. Start a skype call and add random people. If you do this enough, you may make friends for life. It sounds crazy, but I have met people randomly on chatroullette and we are still enthusiastic friends to this day. You are not limited by the people you meet offline, the internet is this great resource for so many things.
>>703840595
if you think there aren't any negative repercussions or studies backing that up you must be the dumbest fucking therapist out there then and its not like the bar is being set too high.
Sometimes egotism and narcissism can bring people out of depression and realize that they have things they should live for. Get a copy of the 48 Laws of Power by Robert Greene and better yourself. One of the best self-help books ever written.
>>703840904
>>703841193
I sent him a text. Maybe he'll answer, maybe not. Either way, I tried to tell him. I've done what I can do.
>>703842507
I hope it goes well, anon
Hey /b/ros, I've been lurking the depressing boards about two years. Occasionally, I'll comment, but it'll be meanngless stuff, like best depression music (Chance the Rapper, obviously), and I would like to tell you guys that this is the best thread I've seen. Thank you.
>>703842887
literally first 4chan thread
>on my way to greatness
â–²
â–² â–²
Why am I such a pussy?
>In class
>New girl
>She is from another country and only speaks spanish
>I speak spanish too
>Teacher sits her by some ugly motherfucker that speaks spanish
>I check her out and she checks me out too
>Fag that sits by her tries hard talking to her
>She is really quiet, pretty shy
>Fag that sits by her looks at me and looks down and smiles
>I get up to turn something to the teacher
>Fag goes up at the same time
>Turns to me and stares at me
>He looks away probably smiling
>I turned around and the foreign chick looks at me
>Perfect time to start conversation
>I pussy out like a bitch and turn to my friends
/b/ I'm ALWAYS doing this thing I'm so fucking bummed out that fag is probably trying his best to get to her at this moment.
>>703842887
>>703843322
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=W_rC-495Z_A
i'm mostly a lurker nowadays and i havent posted all too much in recent years, but coming across this thread, i am beyond comforted that there are people out there suffering identical, just as bad, or worse issues / going through the same things i am, and that everyone seems to have each other's back in here. i'd share my story but i don't want to jinx myself (tl;dr: poorfag from immigrant family trying to find the money for college by tomorrow, atop infinite other shit).
i dont know if ill ever kill myself, i wouldnt call myself suicidal but i have a thinking process where if i dont complete one thing, then i can literally not live life another way (e.g. if i dont finish college, life is not worth living and i do not deserve the light of day).
anyways. i hope you guys come around here somewhat often. i appreciate the genuine vibe in here like none other and i am mildly calmed, if nothing else, to finally experience some concrete truth to the "be kind, for everyone is fighting a battle" mentality.
thanks for posting and sharing, guys, and i hope to see you soon.
>>703843418
doesn't seem like he has a chance honestly, you're the one who speaks her native tongue. Just take the risk and man up. nothing to lose, lots to gain
Posted this earlier, happended today, my hearth is broken
>>703843578
I appreciate threads like this. I like that there are so many different things in one place.
>>703844078
The thing that threw me off was, what was he laughing at me for? I know im an alright looking guy, not really that good looking but what was wrong? I've had people look at me like that before but most don't.
>>703844078
Nevermind the first line. Reading is hard.
Still do it
>>703844089
why do you type like you have a lisp?
>>703844381
probably knows you like her and is fucking with you, if you act wary and not confident then he'll take advantage of that.
>>703844894
Thanks anon, fuck that kid.
>>703829671
evening /b/
any woman insight anon available?
so there's this girl, who after a year still longs for me
yet decided at the beginning of that year she needs to go back to her ex
why?
because she, and that we both established
>fears to be alone
>knows what she's getting out of him
>thinks he is immature (she is his first), childish at times and inexperienced
>she sees me as her mature, experienced guy
>she's clinging on to that teenage relationship because every other failed around them and she wants to show everyone that it can exist
two days ago
>can we get some more distance between us? aka not write with each other?
>need to make myself clear what i want
>writing with you is making me sorta just look into one way
now what do?
This is one INCREDIBLY stupid and gay thread
>>703834091
tits or gtfo
>inb4 hurr durr edgy fag
i jus tmiss her
>>703845865
You think it's a shitty thread yet you showed up anyway and will probably hang around for a while.
Contradictory faggot.
>>703845865
You should off yourself. No need to be a prick
>>703845865
Different coping mechanisms man, if you took the time and energy to post here then maybe it helped you by making you feel superior. When this 404s everything said here is going to be part of another data dump.
what was that comfy ass 80s electronic synthy music some anon posted in the thread a month or so back?
>>703845865
Wow man!, you sure showed this fags who's the boss around here!, Dude you like... are the most cool guy ever!
it was music designed to resolve depression
>Used to have depression and really bad anxiety
>Did mushrooms when I was 16, liked them, they let me know myself more
>Ended up doing mushrooms more times than I can count on both hands, did LSD
>Now I have mild disassociation
>Anxiety is gone, depression is gone
>Both are replaced by complete apathy
>>703847303
this goes back to what I was saying about asking yourself what you really want to do, shrooms can wake you up, make you remember who you were before you lost all hope
>>703844089
Haha underage confirmed. was this your first crush? Pathetic
>>703845665
bump
Just for everyone here who feels like nothing matters in the end, and you can't get out of the hole you're stuck in, I have some advice for you.
Get a job. A hard job. Mentally and physically demanding. Essentially, distract yourself.
I started bartending and waiting at a high-end restaurant recently, and I have very little time to think about blowing my heart out (like I did all day, every day.)
The hardest part is getting started.
To get the ball rolling, try aerobic exercise for at least half an hour. Ride a bike. Walk.
These things helped me. Help yourself.
I know there is no point, but here we are: the most complex chemical reactions to have occurred in the known universe. Let's go for greatness to the point that we forget about our troubles.
>>703847303
OP same exact thing here used to be worried about the everything, depressed about my life and what I was doing and LCD fool all my pain away I'm as free as could be mentally.
>>703847089
what was the name?
Man someone help me please. I like this girl who I'm probably gonna ask out to this event but I don't know how to go with it. I'm not a neet, neckbeard, fatty or unathletic, I'm pretty above average if I'm being honest. I just don't know what to do. I plan on just going straight up and asking her, but I have no idea what to do after. Do I hug her? Do I tell her I love her? Do I go for a kiss? Do I just say great, thanks, goodbye? Someone please tell me.
>>703848103
That video is Simpsonwave
The original track is Resonance - Home
>>703848150
Be happy and confident, talk to her and get to know her.
>>703832792
Damn.. thats fucked bro. sorry, it's hard to trust anyone these days. But hey your doing better than me at least you put yourself out there and give yourself a shot at happiness.
Well. I've moved schools so many times and never had any real friends. This school I'm going to now I meet a super cute girl who was really into me. I've had plenty of opportunities to date someone but never really gave a shit because people aren't trust worthy. I thought she was different. We hung out and started dating and I told HER EVERYTHING about myself. From my abusive father to my deepest fears. I got way way to attached. She dumped me 2 weeks in because I was to clingy. I think about her 24/7 and she wanted to just be friends but I fucked that up too.
>>703848150
relax, have fun, dont overthink
>>703832792
There are other people out there who will not treat you like this. They do exist.
>>703848513
>>703848699
I know her perfectly fine, I just having trouble asking her out. I just don't know what to do. Here's what I plan on doing.
>Hey __________ there's this party going on next Saturday, if your free I think you should come.
>I'd love to come anon.
>Alright great see you there
>???
Is that how a conversation is supposed to go? I have a lot a friends and I have no anxiety at all, I just don't want it to be all awkward. Once I get pass this I'm pretty much set since I know how to carry a conversation, just not how to end it.
>>703849023
dont
overthink
>sup, lets go at time x to place y
thats it
no question
make it a statement
>>703848664
I speak from a similar experience where I grasped any human interaction that was offered to me since i had just moved and was lonely:
She might have felt you were too fast in the relationship and just wanted a quick fling cause you were cute or something. Moving on with what you learned as experience is the best thing here. You will find someone that actually cares about you, take it slow my friend and don't stress it.
For the majority of my life I have been mentally fucked and emotionally drained. I am 18 and I have no place to call home and no money for college because I can't get a job.
I recently been diagnosed with depression, anxiety and schizophrenia. I don't feel suicidal but I feel as if I am worth nothing. I try to talk to friends but all of them ignore me and do stuff behind my back. My parents refuse to help and won't visit me. I can't afford my medication. I am almost homeless
>>703849023
Dude, cellphones?
Most young people are socially retarded, just text her, if she rejects you, eh no biggie.
>>703849023
The amount of fuckery you will do is directly proportional to how much you "plan" the date beforehand. Because as soon as she says something outside your script, you will panic and say something stupid. Just be yourself.
>>703849139
Thanks for giving a shit. she was at one point very depressed in her life as well. And I was attracted to that. I thought she wouldn't hurt me because I told her I wouldn't hurt her, ever.
Feels bad man
>>703849023
Ask to do something together like going someplace.
>>703849350
>>703849217
>>703849118
>>703849455
Thanks a lot guys. I'm pretty confident she will say yes, but I just don't wanna come off as a wierdo.
>>703834739
>>703834568
>>703835271
>>703842030
This is a major sign of clinical psychopathy/sociopathy. In a medical sense, psychopathy truly is not that bad. It just has a lot of negative connotations due to the way the word is used.
I'd talk to a doctor if I were you. They'll likely want to test you to see your body's natural reactions to material that should engage your sympathetic response. If your brain lights up all pretty, then it's just a psychological issue and you should be referred to someone who will help you. If it is an issue with your sympathetic response, therapy or medicine may be able to help you feel again.
>>703832792
On weibo we call that shit a green tea bitch
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=W_rC-495Z_A
>>703842507
God no why would u do this. u need to find a good time to do it not just do it randomly, especially if u are in the friendzone. make some conversation, make him see u as a potential first before going to the final step
>>703845665
shes telling u to not talk to her anymore so... dont talk to her? unless u like her, then go for it. she does seem like a gtb tho
>>703844089
angie from queens nyc? sounds like someone i know
>stay away from Uni and go to community college to assist dying father
>watching him lose sight of reality day after day for several months
>dad died on my 19th birthday
>sad, cry, boohoo
>shrug, life happens
>meet crazy psychopathic girl not even two months after
>didnt realize i actually didnt like her, but was attempting to fill a gap
>do absolutely everything to help crazy girl because shes fucked up her life so much, feel bad
>didnt realize how much baggage she was until it was too late
>i cared because she was so messed up and didn't have anyone else to turn to
>end up in love, when in reality i was in love with the attention and compassion of a being that was replacing my father
>crazy girl is actually your typical tumblr whore who blames everyone else for their problems
>continues to create problems despite she knows she causes them
>manipulative crazy hoe
>fast forward to present
>crazy girl is pregnant with my child
>has done multiple substances including cocaine, molly, marijuana, cigs, and alcohol while pregnant with my kid
>cant do anything because state cant do anything until child is out
>20 weeks in, refuses to see an OB, uses 'abortion' as a tactic to put it off and to get me off her back
>endless worrying that my child is actually retarded and it didnt have to be
>blocked from FB and phone
It's alright though, once the baby's out it will be a breeze to relinquish custody from her. Her other two kids have already been taken away, which happened in the middle of our relationship. Except then I have to figure out what to do with a kid, god damn I'm a single 19 Y/O, thinking about adoption but I feel like that's abandoning my child, and it's my responsibility to care for he/she- On the other hand, would it be more responsible to put it up to a family that's more capable and can offer the child much more than I will be able to.
Life, man.
i feel like shit /b/ros.
>have gf for two years.
>we don't connect, but cant break it up
>thought i was in "love" for a few months
>discover shes very simple minded and not the one for me
>too pussy to break it up
>she falls for me
>skip to 2 months ago
>got her pregnant
>have abortion
>fuck her raw two days after she got her birth control shot
>break up with her next day
>takes it terribly, especially considering the abortion fucked her up mentally
>month later shes pregnant again
shes going to the clinic tomorrow. every day she texts me telling me how she feels like dying for having to murder her "second baby." it's entirely my fault and even though i wasnt in love with her I fucking hate myself for having to put her through this. currently drinking myself to sleep.
>>703851765
My post's above you man
Honestly wish she'd just do it and not ruin my fucking life man. She's totally not capable of being a parent but refuses the whole 'abortion' thing unless we're fighting hardcore..
Abortion would be a blessing at this point.
>>703851330
If she's doing this - call the cops now. And if cops won't listen, and this is going to sound batshit crazy - go to a local Baptist church. Or find the most conservative crazy fuckers you can and tell them your story. Tell them you need help. I'm willing to bet that if you're in the US that you'll find some of these Pro-Life people willing to help fund lawyers and pull strings etc. Just make sure you clean yourself up and look like you're the stereotypical good old boy. Our culture is mostly visual, and you can get away with some crazy shit just by looking the part. But seriously man, if you're willing to do -anything- to help your unborn kid that, it sounds like you genuinely want to help, here's your chance. Take action.
>>703852093
dude im fucking 19 too. look man if she doesnt get an abortion dont abandon your child. itll fuck them up and one day you will wake up and realize how badly you fucked up. man i dont know what im saying...im sorry man, i can totally empathize with you im facing the same ordeal...idk man i feel like dying
>>703852139
Going to child services tomorrow to raise hell, I refuse to sit here and let her do that to an innocent child that doesn't deserve half the shit it's going through right now just so she can get her 'fix'. I cannot even stomach the fact that she's so petty about it that she'll cut me off just because I want what's best for the fucking thing, and not what's best for her. Selfish cunt.
Wear condoms, guys.
>>703836719
>feel nothing really either way
>if anything, relieved for him because he isnt in pain anymore
My grandfather's mind is going. Alzheimer's. It didn't help that he played football in the 1940s and 50s for highschool and college when the helmets were made of leather. It happened quick. 2 years ago he was fine. In early May he was a little slow, would repeat himself, but I still had conversations on current events with him. Now, we've hired a live in nurse to help him, he has to be pushed around in a wheel chair, and for the most part he sits there. Everyone in my family goes over and engages him as best as they can. While they're not expecting a miracle, we know it's the only way to keep what little of him we have left.
Navy man. Firefighter. Teacher. I hate that everything, all that experience, all that love...it's gone. I still love him and will always have the memories. I'm not going to avoid him, I'm gonna do my best but am fully prepared for him to not remember me.
If a genie appeared and told me I could choose to cure cancer or Alzheimer's today, I'd end that fucking memory grabbing disease. What's the use of living long if you can't remember anything about it?
The only bright side is that it's not genetic. His parents lived to be 98 and 101 (his mother only passed last summer, thank god she didn't see it), and they were both right of mind til the end.
>>703852534
seriously bro its a shit circumstance, and it continues to eat me inside everyday just because she's such a cunt about it. I feel you man, if it was any other girl I wouldn't mind just biting the bullet and trying to start a family but there's no way in hell that'll ever work with this hoe.
feel like dying is better in any scenario, watching your child consume substances and the mother not giving two fucks is hell, anxious all fucking day about my future because it's so damn up in the air. I've always had control over my life and where it's headed, and it's a shame that not thinking straight for a session of sex is what deems my future.
I'm with you man, life will get better, just gotta keep on treading
hey /b/ got a story about a girl I met
>be me
>last year start of freshman year of college start talking on & off to girl I went to high school with
>fuck a few times but it was very casual neither of us looking for relationships
>stop talking after we went home for thanksgiving break (lives in town over from hometown)
>fast forward this summer
>start talking again when we get back home from school and I start to fall for her
>start one of those bullshit talking pretty serious but not dating type shit
>basically dating but we weren't into the whole label thing I guess
>hang out constantly either alone or with friends (we had alot of mutual friends back home)
>start realizing I fucked up a while ago not talking to this girl after we had been hooking up and sort of kick myself for that
>one day tells me about how her ex bf was abusive and used to cheat on her and how it fucked her up emotionally
>finally get her to really open up to me (started with us tripping nuts on real L together)
>learn fucking everything about this girl
>start treating her like an ideal bf would (not gf no labels) bc I wanted her to be happy because of her last signifigant other
>haven't felt for a girl since early high school and until now it was just mainly drunken hookups
>start falling really fucking hard for this girl and think it was perfect because we go to same school
>things wouldn't be so perfect in about 3 months
cont?
>>703853946
are you Hey Arnold?
>>703853946
>fast forward through all of the summer had an amazing fucking time with this girl and had never really connected with someone like this
>made it official
>im 20 years old now and really considering if this could turn into something serious because I could tell she was just as into me as I was her
>Ive always been closeted I guess about my depression and shit because my family never really talked about that stuff when I was growing up
>tell her about how I've tried offing myself a few years ago and talk about struggling with depression still
>always was there to support me and better me and shit which not many people except my close friends have done let alone a girl
>fuckisthislove.jpg
>fast forward to late august and everyone is going back to school
>my best friends little brother is starting his freshman year at UVA and the first three days are especially fun for partying and shit
>turn down offer of staying with my best m8 and instead go to other buddies college (still had a great time)
>however girl goes to UVA and stays with best m8s gf
>seems like smooth sailing and everything goes back to normal and we go back to school together a few days later
>fast forward to last week
>"anon we need to talk come over" fuck me thats never good
>drive over to her apartment where she lives with some girls she met freshman year but they aren't home
cont?
>>703854173
in a past life yes
>>703849207
Honestly a factory job just to pay pills is a good possibility , THEN find something to escape to and self insert like anime , or sports, fantasy books and movies, eat junk food, food you like chocolate and burgers . Get a catto to be your friend , try and find a girl it might not work out but life is full of possibilities, bad and good. But either way you can make it exiting also fuck it nothing matters do what you want go crazy fuck around we all die and you'll only be remembered for at most 2 generations after you die then everyone forgets like you never existed so just do whatever the fuck you want fuck the people who talk behind your back and laugh at you and think your worthless they are scum and will one day get what they deserve
>>703854907
>"hey whats up"
>immediately realize how fucking blackout she was and see an empty double bottle of wine and a bottle of liquor sitting on table
>"I did something bad"
>heart fucking sank
>she goes on to tell me about how she fucked my best m8s younger brother at UVA both nights she was there and how she didn't mean for it to happen and all that typical bullshit
>says she doesnt really remember it happening and that shes so sorry and is sobbing basically begging me to forgive her
>look at her and tell her to stop contacting me and walk out
>best m8 catches wind of what happen and tells me how sorry he is and that hell beat the shit out of his brother for me
>sends me screenshots of the texts my gf sent to his brother both days while they were out day drinking of them basically planning to fuck both nights
>mfw my gf instigated it and claimed she didnt remember
>fast forward to today
>keeps trying to contact me all the time and see me in person and deep down I want to but shes a cunt
this has been fucking me up because Ive realized even if you think youve met the most perfect women they most likely still end up being a bitch and ripping your heart out. really depressed and wanted to share my shitty situation with you guys while i drink a bottle of whiskey
>>703832792
Not everyone is as cruel as that bitch anon. Real respect for you for having the balls to take the initiative. It hurts, but don't lose hope.
>>703832792
Not everyone is as cruel as that bitch anon. Real respect for you for having the balls to take the initiative. It hurts to be rejected like that, but don't lose hope. You've got it in you.
>>703829671
just got back from alcohol detox today
five days of trembling and listening to old nigger ladies screaming at night and hearing my mom cry on the phone and bad food
back to work tomorrow assuming they dont fire me
>>703830656
Yes
>>703844089
Would you happened to be named lane?
>>703851330
fuck man
in some cultures they dont even slice their pound cake
>>703852738
Thats fucking terrible man, make sure you do what you can for that kid, its your flesh and blood. Maybe even try and get the police involved with her drug problem, maybe she could get a year in prison for possession or something and you would automatically get custody? I dont know how it works but its something you could try.
