ITT we work at a office
The stories and information posted here are artistic works of fiction and falsehood.
Only a fool would take anything posted here as fact.
Only a fool would take anything posted here as fact.
ITT we work at a office
Which one of you niggers took my fucking ketchup-mayo sandwich out of the fridge again
Who the fuck hired a spic beside me!
-Fredrick from desk 18 IT
Oh hey, OP. I've been looking all over for you.
How are those TPS reports coming along? If you could get those to me by Friday, that would be great.
>>703774571
We all work here, so we all share everything. What kind of stupid whiner are you. Also fix the goddamn printer
>>703774840
fuck you I'm not IT
I just fuck the secretaries in the 4th floor broom closet
Hey John, I think were in a 4chan thread
hey guys, you don't mind if I eat my lunch at my desk right? it's just some leftover salmon and some french onion soup
when's the christmas party? i wanna bang the boss's wife and that new temp in accounts receivable
>>703775061
Dude, no, that's gonna stink up the place. Go to the break room
>>703774496
I really do work at an office. Why in the would would I want to fucking pretend to be at that place?
>>703775061
This spic is getting is getting on my nerves
-Fredrick desk 18
>>703774792
I swear if one more person gives me shit today I'm going to murder suicide my family when I get home
headphones, spotify. shut the fuck up you guys. quit bothering me
>>703774496
Don't go to the warehouse Jenny. That where all the diversity in the company works - if you catch my drift.
>>703775304
Easy there Reggie, don't go postal on us
>>703775402
I'm telling the boss you need to attend a racial sensitivity class you alt-right scumbag
>>703775193
No way. La'quisha is microwaving a bowl of chitlins in there. It smells like Indian baby diapers in there.
I don't get it guys. We're supposed to be tech help here but also to sell our existing customers stupid shit they don't need?
Also my pay is horrible because I'm outsourced.
fml
Whos idea was it to put the jewish girl beside me?
>>703775622
Eww bro, just be sure to spray some air freshener after you get done eating, okay?
>>703775515
No need Pedro. I'm a quarter black and a quarter Hispanic and all gender disphoric. The boss can't touch me.
>>703775816
I did. But now she's calling me a raciss and is going to the bosses office. What's a raciss?
Susan from HR said we can't have the Harambe party on Friday. She said there is enough dicks in the office as it is.
Every fucking day with this shit! If you're going to use the microwaves for your popcorn, learn how to do it without burning it! REEEEEEEEEE
>>703774571
Whoa, hey there pal, we can't be using words like that. If you need to talk about anything, i'm here, hr is here to help you.
>>703774792
We're a very diverse company anon, we welcome all races.
>>703776198
Fuck you and your diversity protocols. Jamal only made senior before me because you needed tokens on the board!
ALRIGHT EVERY FUCKING TIME I NEED TO USE THIS GODDAMN COPYING MACHINE THERES NO FUCKING PAPER IN IT!
>>703775753
The guy who decided to put a spic beside Fredrick
>>703774792
>>703776311
Anon, we're working very hard in this company to create a more... fair, work enviroment. Why don't we have a little chat in half an hour to talk more about what's bothering you.
>>703776025
Some people find that gorilla joke quite hurtful anon.
Hey guys is it ok to put up this poster with GAS THE JEWS AGAIN! on it with this flag
Bill from desk 88 IT
>>703774496
Yo guys that weirdo in the corner cubicle left his computer logged in, let's see what he's up to
You think im gonna get that raise anon? i hope mr anon gives me it this week but hes been eye-balling that new girl. shell probably suck his dick and get the raise...
>>703776760
Now Bill, we've talked about this before- i'm going to have to ask you to take that down. Some of our friends have also been complaining about you, I think we need to have a quick chat...
>>703776025
Fuckin Susan. She gave me one day without pay for telling Mary to put her big jugs away while she served the waterstation.
>smiling and sensibly chuckling
Hehe, hey Chuck! Gotta slow down on that printing, eh?
HAHAHAHAHA
Stop fucking my wife.
Take care now
>>703776831
Anything good yet?
>>703776917
He is a jew greg also why the fuck are you calling us anon you fucktard
>>703777007
Just this epic get
>>703777097
>>703777777
>>703774496
Corporate Accounts Payable, Nina speaking! Just a moment!. Corporate Accounts Payable, Nina speaking! Just a moment!. Corporate Accounts Payable, Nina speaking! Just a moment!. Corporate Accounts Payable, Nina speaking! Just a moment!. Corporate Accounts Payable, Nina speaking! Just a moment!. Corporate Accounts Payable, Nina speaking! Just a moment!. Corporate Accounts Payable, Nina speaking! Just a moment!. Corporate Accounts Payable, Nina speaking! Just a moment!. Corporate Accounts Payable, Nina speaking! Just a moment!. Corporate Accounts Payable, Nina speaking! Just a moment!. Corporate Accounts Payable, Nina speaking! Just a moment!. Corporate Accounts Payable, Nina speaking! Just a moment!. Corporate Accounts Payable, Nina speaking! Just a moment!. Corporate Accounts Payable, Nina speaking! Just a moment!. Corporate Accounts Payable, Nina speaking! Just a moment!. Corporate Accounts Payable, Nina speaking! Just a moment!. Corporate Accounts Payable, Nina speaking! Just a moment!. Corporate Accounts Payable, Nina speaking! Just a moment!. Corporate Accounts Payable, Nina speaking! Just a moment!. Corporate Accounts Payable, Nina speaking! Just a moment!. Corporate Accounts Payable, Nina speaking! Just a moment!. Corporate Accounts Payable, Nina speaking! Just a moment!. Corporate Accounts Payable, Nina speaking! Just a moment!.
>>703776993
/Buck at accounting btw.
I fucking hate negros!
that is all.
-Ted from IT
guise I'm having a problem with my computer
>>703777007
Nice to meet you Mr. Bond
>>703777353
Have you tried turning it off and back on again?
*BLURRRGHBIIIBAPOSEL'
>>703777353
Ask that guy from it he will just fix the servers in about 1hour
also ask him about google ultra
>>703777353
Give it a whack on the monitor.
/Buck
>>703777414
yup. maybe it's a network issue? guy in the next cubicle said he tried downloading some important work files off the cloud server and it did the same thing.
>>703774496
Michael! MICHAEL!!
>>703776760
Of course. It's not a swastika so I shouldn't see what the problem is.
>>703777353
you should go ask one of the guys in IT to fix that problem. by the way you heard what happend to Ronald the other week right? dude got fired for calling the boss a cracker
Who's up for some Battlefield 1942, I'm hosting!
Server name: NONIGGERS
>>703777341
Ted we need to take a little break and chat about this in my office
-magement
>>703775199
this. i hate my life
>>703778103
Are playing as the nazis?
-Bill desk 88
OMG Colleagues, how often do I have to say?
If you have any IT-related problems just open a helpdesk ticket!
also, rest is paid waiting time, so shhh!
>>703778294
>magement
I want a comfy job in middle magement
>>703778453
It's Wake Island you scrub, come in here and get rekt.
The self destruct sequence has been activated. Repeat. The self destruct sequence has been activated. This sequence may not be aborted. All employees proceed to the emergency car at the bottom platform (platform... platform...).
Repeat...
All employees...
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SMkOZdcl5o8
>>703778434
>>703775199
no shit. working in an office was a big part of how I ended up on mental disability at the age of 40. people think it's easy because it's not physically demanding, but it will rot your soul.
EVERYONE GET ON THE FUCKING FLOOR NOW!!!!!!
>>703778960
OH THANK GOD FINALLY
>>703778960
kill me
>>703778960
Does that mean I get a day of work?
>>703778960
He wont shoot it is a fake you fucktard
-rick desk 89
>>703778960
DO IT, NIGGER! FREE ME!
>>703774496
God damn it ted, for the love of fucking god answer the phone before the 10 fucking ring.
>>703779250
yeah but it'll count against your attendance. you can take vacation to cover it though.
>>703774496
yay, finally employed!
>>703779397
Thanks, boss.
ScumCo
>>703779271
YOU THINK THIS IS A FUCKING GAME?!?!
*shoots rick in stomach*
>>703779391
I cant it was a negro that i beated last night
-Ted From IT
>>703778960
Huh?
>>703779574
thanks, I hated that guy. him and his fucking popcorn. are you taking requests? there's this one asshole two cubes down who has to do fucking everything on fucking speakerphone.
>>703778960
Hello 911 we got a situation down here
>>703779574
Die you Jew!
*shoots dave in the head*
>>703779772
Hold please.
>>703775199
same
Brb, gotta fap quick in the toilet to that new girl from accountings ass
>>703780030
Hold up, I'll cum with you
>>703779772
911 here whats your emergency anon?
>>703774496
Alright, I brought three boxes this time, so each of you can only have 3 munchkins each. Please use the napkins.
>>703780118
There is two shooters in the office called scumco I think one of the shooter shoot the other shooter
>>703779873
>>703779574
>>703780118
There is a man threatening my co workers with a possibly fake gun. Please come immediately! We have set the alarm
>>703779912
whispers* nigga hold what?? nigga we got some mutherfukin psycho here whos holdin up this joint, we need some mutherfukin cops down in here*
>>703780412
IT WASN'T A FAKE IT HURTS LIKE HELL HOLY SHIT
-RICK
>>703774496
Ha! All you office yuppies suck.
>>703780412
>>703780315
>>703780276
Police are on their way.
Save us some doughnuts fam
>>703780276
>handles them all with bare hands
No jelly?
>>703780618
>hold music plays
>>703780746
***-
>>703779574
Hey, I am Ryan, I am the Psychologist here. I am always here to help my co workers, and I believe you could use some psychological help in your state right now. Why did you shoot that guy in the stomach? What lies beneath your actions? Did you have a rough childhood? Come with my next door, I'll help you, for free!
>>703780748
Saw big red from hr rifling through them earlier. Think she took all 3 of them.
>>703780743
shut up and get back to fixing the shitter in the executive washroom. steve clogged it up again.
>>703780824
whispers* damn..
Technical Director
I direct the technical.
Hey Guys. I'm new here. Please be nice:) - Terry
>Face down on keyboard, drooling
>An occasional position shift
>>703780748
NIGGA, WHAT THE FUCK?!
>>703780896
This is why we don't tell HR anything.
>>703778960
ME FIRST, MOTHERFUCKER!
>>703780873
My daddy never payed attention to me so I got this dumb office job to make him proud
Police is on their way, we all need to calm down, ok? There is nothing to be scared about, please feel free to tell me your concerns
-Ryan, Psychologist
>>703778960
>>703779873
GET ON THE GROUND NOW!
Hello guys, never worked in an office, what should I do?
>>703781407
Tyrone is over there, officer.
>>703781581
Get on the floor probably.
-Byron Desk 69 IT
>>703781221
So you got a job you did not particularly enjoy just to make your dad proud. I guess it still didn't work and you got mad at everyone for his ungratefulness and ignorance. Well, to solve your anger and frustration we need to determine why your dad wasn't proud of you, and how we can change this. Maybe we won't be able to make him love you, but I can help you overcome your need for evaluation from your dad, if I understand how it surfaced in the first place.
Ryan
Which one of you fucking bastards stole my snack packs
>>703781407
Calm down officer, let me talk to the man, you seem really angry. Have you been having problems at home lately? Do you suffer from suppressed anger? Maybe I can help you if you need me to.
Ryan
>>703781407
BANG! BANG! BANG!....BANG!BANG!BANG!BANG!BANG!BANG!........BANG!BANG!BANG!BANG!click*
>>703782140
Killing the officer won't help you surpass your problems dear... ummm, why don't you tell me your name? That will be a really good start to build trust. I'm Ryan, and you are...?
Please don't shoot me! I'll suck your dick if you let me go!
>>703782140
GOOD BYE YOU SCUMBAG *BANG*
-with love Rick
Am I the only one who didn't get the 'bring your gun to work day' memo?
>>703782618
Damn, Rick. I didn't know you could escalate that hard.
-- Arkhamt, unpaid intern
>>703782537
Now this is a classical sluttinus cocksuckus multisclerofuckus syndrome. Your urge for sexual intercourse is beating even your need to survive. For you, even survival needs to offer sexual pleasure. A few pussyshutus pills a day will make you normal again!
Ryan
>>703774496
>Jizzes in xerox
>>703782618
>>703782618
Your thirst for blood is obviously hiding a tough teenage reality for you. Would you like to talk about that?
Ryan
Maybe with all the shooting going on, the boss will forget about that presentation I was supposed to give...
>>703774945
Such a cuck even his gun grip is flaccid
>>703783161
*we are outside of the building*
Hey which one of you changed the names of all my files to cuck porn
- Vincent Desk 22 Sales
>>703783268
Sure I abused as a child with a belt my mother was a drunk I got bullyed in school and failed college so I Am suck at this shit job
Brought some chocolate milk, gentlemen! I know you all love it.
-- Arkhamt, unpaid intern
>>703783598
I we shot the shooter
>>703783161
OH FUCK!>>703779873
>>703774816
Op forget his cover page again?
>>703783763
DEATH TO ALL FAGGOTS!
*shoot*
Who's the asshole that clocked up the toilet AND used up all the fucking toilet paper again?!?
Um.....
What's going on out here?
WTF Guys?? I told you to keep the doors locked!!
>>703783984
DUCK FOR COVER!
>>703777221
Could you be any louder Nina. Christ.
>>703784182
Pfft, you'd never survive a Madalorian invasion. Faggot.
>>703784332
*Mandalorian, what the fuck autocorrect??
>>703783984
Please dont worry people it is a fake gun oh wait SHI-
*dies*
>>703784421
>Search
>Take all
>>703783984
thats a lot of shooting m8
>>703785145
*BANG*
that what you deserved you spic
>>703774496
Who the FUCK ate my egg-salad sandwich, I explicitly said in the memo NOT to eat out of my minifridge!
Hey... Team.
So i know it has been a rough few months with the bomb scare and all that, but i would like to take a moment to introduce to you a new and innovative programme:
SYNERGY
>>703785305
Who the fuck cares about your salad sandwich you dumbass RUN!
>>703785284
*pulls fire alarm in hall*
Which one of you filthy bastards did it, hmm?
I hereby banish shitting during office hours. Alos it is around that time of year: Bring your fleshlight to work day, and i don't want a repeat of last year, so we will not be sharing, or swapping. My dick itches at the thought.
>>703785465
*Shoot you three times*
>>703786161
Aw, shit. Who called HR?
i'm a new intern here guys, what's going on? why is everybody wearing masks? is it a halloween party already?
Heard Becky was doing the boss.
>>703786471
Haha, she blew me behind the broken printer last week. Which reminds me...
KENNY! FIX THE DAMN PRINTER
>>703786400
SHUT UP BEFORE I DEPORT YOU. I only hired you so i could overwork and underpay you
Uh, guys? I think the bathroom's on fire again.
>>703786859
no habla ingles
>>703787571
Dave you fat fuck! Stop eating chipotle if it gives you diarrhea! >>703787571
>>703788060
It's the only place in walking distance, and I wouldn't have had to go there if SOMEONE hadn't eaten my fucking ketchup-mayo sandwich out of the fridge.
>>703786400
>>703786471
>>703786750
>>703786859
>>703787571
>>703787756
>>703788499
>>703788060
DIE YOU MOTHER FUCKERS
*i roll my chair to the right side of my cubical*
*i climb on the chair*
*i look into the cubical next to me*
kenny i can hear you fapping from here
go fix the goddamn printer already you neckbearded fuck
>>703789037
Goodbye world hopefully the after life is white only
>>703789037
Welp *unzips pants*
>>703789037
Ike, I swear to god if you don't stop shooting people with your airsoft guns here, I'm gonna hold you down while Kenny pours straight capsaicin into your mouth.
>>703789037
why would you choose to shoot up the shittiest office possible
i suggest you go shoot up that gas station right across from us instead
