>Be masturbating to family photos of my mom when she was in middle school
>Mommy comes in and sees
>Asks me to stop
>Stand up, still masturbating (Slowly, dont want to cum yet, but dont wanna have to start over)
>Explain that incest was just invented by normies to make it harder for robots to get laid, and that only a fucking freak wouldn't be attracted to viable pussy when available
>She sighs and leaves
>finally able to finish up, want some spaghetti
>Go downstairs and see mommy in kitchen
>Cooking roast chicken
>Screech at her and ask why she didn't make spaghetti
>Her answer is the final straw
>"What? You didn't ask for spaghetti."
>Lunge at her and kick the shit out of her
>Shit on her whore face when she's down
>As she lays there, her pants ride up quite a lot
>See her ass clearly through her pants
>Mutter "Only a freak wouldn't be attracted to viable... viable pussy..."
>Don't want to lose virginity yet (saving for my highschool friend who I haven't spoken to in 17 years, still holding out hope we'll meet again and she'll have stayed pure for me too)
>Jerk off onto her ass instead, write a note on the white wall of the kitchen in my own shit
>"Spaghetti. One hour. Or next time, I'll do it worse, then kill myself and blame you in the suicide note."
include me in the screenshot, this might get maybe two upvotes
Top Kek OP
I came.
>>700460866
medium kek at most faggot
>>700460608
I know this is purely bait
But if this is somehow a real story, you're a contemptible human being, and should seriously consider suicide if you don't already.
>>700460608
dawson, dis you?
>>700460608
>(saving for my highschool friend who I haven't spoken to in 17 years, still holding out hope we'll meet again and she'll have stayed pure for me too)
oh god lol
Hi, my name is Harambe. I live at the Cincinnati zoo with my dad, his breeder, and his mate. A lot of stuff has happened in the last 17 years but one thing is for sure, You NEVER know what is coming over that gate!
Hi, my name is Harambe. I live at the Cincinnati zoo with my dad, his breeder, and his mate. A lot of stuff has happened in the last 17 years but one thing is for sure; You NEVER know what is coming over that gate!
Hi, my name is Harambe, I live at the Cincinnati zoo with my dad, his breeder, and his mate. A lot of stuff has happened in the last 17 years but one thing is for sure, You NEVER know what is coming over that gate!
Hi, my name is Harambe. I live at the Cincinnati zoo with my dad, his breeder, and his mate. A lot of stuff has happened in the last 17 years but one thing is for sure! You NEVER know what is coming over that gate!
Hi, my name is Harambe. I live at the Cincinnati zoo with my dad, his breeder, and his mate. A lot of stuff has happened in the last 17 years but one thing is for sure, You NEVER know what is coming over that gate!!
>>700460608
>family photos
Any other hot ladies in that album besides your mum?
>>700460608
>Don't want to lose virginity yet (saving for my highschool friend who I haven't spoken to in 17 years,
>still holding out hope we'll meet again and she'll have stayed pure for me too)
god so close to my situation fuck it im gonna have sex with one of the three ugly girls
that chase me
thanks op for making me feel autistic.
oh my god kek
>>700462321
>>700460608
I've heard of these threads....
I thought they were just myths.
>>700461154
Welcome newfag
>>700461347
The only funny part of the story tbqh
>>700462724
we need some tendies autism greentext
>>700460608
Moar pls OP
>Wake up early its 4pm
>Dont smell tendies in the air.
>I waddle to my door around the piss bottles.
>Start slamming my head into the wall and screaming TENDIES TENDIES I WANT TENDIES
>Slut bitch Mommy slowly opens the door to my lair
>With tears in her eyes she slides in my tendies and juice-box.
>I tell her iCarly is on later so she better prepare the highest luxary goodboypoints can buy
>I make my way back to my bed exhausted from my journey across the room and back i rest
>my diaper seems almost full ill need a change before the big event later
>pondering what is going to happen in tonights episode i drift into slumber my little pony playing in the background
>I am awoken to mommy cleaning my piss jars up i tell her i need a diaper change aswell she nods with a look of disgust on her face
>Soon iCarly will be on the grand event
>The theme songs starts playing i scream at mommy to hurry or ill murder her and feed her to our dog buttersnout
>Mommy enters my room she is dressed in appropriate apperal plaid shorts converss sneekers and a hoodie her hair dyed the perfect shade of blonde.
>Now my Good boy favorite boy reward rivaled only by tendies and juice boxes begins
>I wait for a scene with sam in it my favorite icarly character she is the best i then have mommy do her special service to me and pretend its sam
>i came five times tonight it was the best i finish by blowing on sams i mean mommy butt and tell that dirty slut to go make me SOME FUCKING TENDIES
>she starts walking away when a sight i never witnessed before appears before my eyes SAM IN A BIKINI JUST SHOWED ON AIR OMG
>With a speed of achilles i move like a lion and grab mommy before she makes it out of my lair
>I throw her on my computer desk and did adult things too her more then i ever thought i could
>when im finally finished mommy isnt moving
>iCarly is over i lay down and start watching adventure time
>covered in my special sauce mommy starts crying
>i tell her GO GET ME FUCKING TENDIES
>>700463574
This thread keeps getting better and better
>>700463574
Thank you.
>>700460843
Thanks nigger you got me 11 likes on a shitty app
>>700461154
You got baited m8ed
>up at 3:AM because hard core gamer
>playing tf2
>looking at pony spray when suddenly I get killed by demonigger
>rage and nearly shit myself
>tummy rumbles
>rub my fap lotion on my belly and slide to the kitchen
>look in freezer for hot pockets
>none left
>tip toe to mommys room
>she tried to lock her door but I pick it with my handy screwdriver that I keep in my cloth diaper
>silently open door, get on the floor and do a tactical lizard crawl to her bedside
>m-mummy I shake her
>"yes, sweetie"
>your good boy needs more hot pockies
>"no anon I have-"
>squeezes her boob and punch her in the nose
>she doesn't say anything, she gets up and leaves to Walmart
>go back to computer and fap on e621 to furry hentai
>she comes back leaves the hot pockets on the counter and goes back to bed
>I grab the box
>fucking ham and cheese
>thought I told that bitch pepporoni
>go to her room again
>door locked yet again
>this infuriates me
>with all my force I break open the door
>THE DOOR! THE DOOR! YOU TRIED TO LOCK IT, YOU TRIED TO POISEN ME WITH THE WRONG HOT POCKETS!!!!
>nail her in the eye with frozen hot pocket box
>same routine, made her go back to Walmart to buy the right hot pockets
>mfw she brought back two boxes
>mfw she even brought back Baja blast from Taco Bell just to be sure I was sated
>>700464216
Ifunny?
>>700463574
Good fucking god, WHAT
How old are you?
>>700464868
hey new friend
>>700461154
Hello friend and welcome to 4chan, we enjoy all sorts of humor here and we hope you feel accepted.We recommend catching up on some memes of ours on Know Your Meme dot com so you don't seem out of place, enjoy your visit!
ITT: god tier greentext
PUT ME IN SCREENCAP FOR R/4CHAN
>>700461154
Ur a fagoober
>be 35 year-old virgin NEET
>wake up at 6pm
>glance at my GBP board
>*gasp*
>momsey raized my Tendies by 5GBP EACH!
>Fucking makin me a bitch boy
>Go online lookin for advice
>I heard Reddit is helpfull
>Crawl through forest of NeckBeards
>Fined haven of the Gods!
>/r/Redpill
>Turns out momsey is just a whore needing an Alpha
>Must sell Beta Bux for RedPills
>Check Momsey's drawers, normie bitch has packets of Control pillz !!!
>Controll pillz will suffice
>Tear open packs swallow every last fucking Control pill
>I AM ALPHA
>I AM THE BRINGER OF DEATH
>I AM REDPILL
>Momsey walks in screaming at me, give her knowing smile, punch that bitch in her baby maker
>I AM ALPHA! I continue to shout while beating my chest like a Silverback Gorilla
>Pull out my peepee n slap momsey as she cries salty tears
>Belly is all Rumbly Tumbly, Control pills must be workin
>Start slapping Momsey showing my true dominance, I don't need no GBP I scream in her fucking normie face!!!!
>Black the Fuck out
>Wake up in hospital, stomach freshly pumped now Im hungry as fuck!
>Momsey crying in corner
>MFW nurse gives me pile of chicken tendies...
ALPHA AS FUCK!
>>700460608
>>700465707
>beating my chest like a Silverback Gorilla
ENOUGH WITH THE HARAMBE NONSENSE
Okay so I have a story to tell you all.
>Be me
>The rest of my family were gone for the weekend leaving the house all to myself
>Jacking off to some POW photos (pic related) listening to old war music [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VWgsdexkv18] [Embed]
>GodblessAmerica.jpg
>Hear the door open
>"Anon we're ho- WHAT THE FUCK!?!?!?"
cont?
>>700466989
cont.
>My parents are now clearly in my room but I keep going, it's my duty! No! My mission!
>"Why the fuck are you still going?!?!?"
>Out of surprise and pride I scream "I HAVE TO COMPLETE MY MISSION!!"
>My parents have looks of pure disgust on their faces now
>As I near my completion I scream out "FOR LIEUTENANT DAN!!!"
>I cum on my parents faces and they rush out of my room
>I hear fireworks outside of my window
>I investigate: They are red white and blue
>I stand up from my computer chair with my pants still down and salute
>A single tear drops down my face
>"God bless America..."
What a helluva way to go
>>700466924
Hi, my name is Harambe. I live at the Cincinnati zoo with my dad, his breeder, and his mate. A lot of stuff has happened in the last 17 years but one thing is for sure, You NEVER know what is coming over that gate!
>Settling down in my man-palace after a hard night of teaching scammers a lesson in Runescape.
>It's been a bit hot lately, so the Coke shit-jugs are starting to ferment. I can see gas-bubbles forming, and the bottles are expanding. Mommy's been getting lazy. I resolve to have a stern word with her.
>Feeling a bit peckish. I'm still only on my second dinner, after all.
>Check my GBP chart and see that I have 25 good boy points saved up! That's only 5 short of a whole box of tendies!
>"MOMMY! MOM! YOUR BEST-BOY NEEDS YOU!"
>I hear a glass smash, and a sob from outside my door. Obviously, in her rush to tend to me, the wench has dropped whatever beverage she was preparing for me. I scream louder.
>"MOMMY!! GET IN HERE NOW!". I start throwing piss bottles at the wall. One goes my window, and into the neighbour's house. I don't care. Mommy will fix it.
>All this exertion wears me out, no strength left. Lose control of my sphincter temporarily and blast shit all down the back of my limited edition Final Fantasy jammies.
>Mommy comes in and looks around the room, her face is all scrunched up, clearly distressed at how much she has displeased me.
>"I want tendies! Now!" I point in the direction of the kitchen, and expect to see her much dutifully away to prepare my nourishing reward.
>Mommy sighs and looks at the chart "Anon, you know the rules. You still need 5 more GBP for a box of chicken tenders."
>"They're called TENDIES you stupid BITCH!" I scream as I lunge towards her. I go to fetch my little league bat so I can bash her head in, but the fates cause me to miss by a TINY bit.
>"Sigh, clean up all these bottles, Anon, and I'll give you the last 5 points."
>Before I deliver the fatal blow, she walks out, and closes the door.
>In a weakened state, unable to continue the fight. I decide to clean up the jugs.
>Go to collect them all, too many for one trip. I refuse to take multiple trips, it's undignified, so I pile them all on my blanket and wrap them up.
(continued)
>>700463574
sam is best girl
>>700467666
>Shit and piss jugs leaking everywhere. No bottletops on any of the MTN Dew bottles (I keep all bottlecaps in my Fallout Limited Edition Vault while their value increases!)
>Put the poopy-pile in the secret area under my bed! :^)
>"MOMMY MOMMY. TENDIE TIME! A WHOLE PACK OF TENDIES WILL SOON BE MINE!"
>Another glass shatters outside the door. How stupid IS this woman? I hear another, louder sob.
>Mommy comes in, a bullet rolls in past her foot. Maybe she was buying me that new pistol I wanted! (I'm prestige in CoD)
>She looks around, checking for poopy-bottles and pissy-wissy jugs. She doesn't know our little secret! :^)
>Tendies already on a plate! She's semi-redeemed herself!
>Ready for my reward!
>"Sorry, Anon. I still see one bottle." Mom points, and holds the plate out of reach. I see one piss-bottle I've missed! Blast!
>"N-No mom! That's MTN Dew", noting the clearish yellow liquid.
>"Oh really? Then drink some." She says.
>Horrified at the idea, but really need those GBP! Still too exhausted from talking, and the shit is starting to pool around my feet.
>I walk over and pick up the bottle. Looking down in disgust, but trying to hide it, I take a swig.
>Immediately feel the overpowering urge to throw up. Try to keep it down, but can't. Still too tired from the battle with mom earlier.
>Start throwing up all over my room. Lurch forward and trip over my Pinkie Pie plushie.
>Vomit hits my mom in the eyes and she starts screaming and vomiting too. The tendies go flying in the air, and mom smashes into everything.
>Fall back onto the bed and the shit jugs burst out from underneath. Shit and piss everywhere.
>Mom slips over in the shit, unable to stand up. Eventually she crawls out. Crying. Probably in disgust at how lazy she is.
>Tendies land on the floor in a pool of liquid shit and piss.
>Not wasting 30GBP after all that.
>Sit down for my meal.
>as I work down the shit&piss covered tendies I hear one last, sad sob and then a loud BOOM
>MFW.
>>700467705
>and then a loud BOOM
???
I don't get it. Was it the exhaust of a car driving by?
>>700468352
Yes, anon, that's what it was. Backfire from an old jalopy.
>Mommy gives me $20 and tells me to go walk to the movies so she and New New Daddy can have some alone time
>"For tickets alone, this sum shall suffice. But I must eat too, and that begs a higher price!"
>Jesus Anon, when are you going to stop talking like that? It's really getting on my nerves
>bitch still gives me another $20
>"Mummy, upon leaving the theatre, the hour will be late. A ride I demand, and I don't like to wait!"
>Anon, the theater is a 5 minute walk away. Get home yourself
>"Neglect of your child is the worst of my triggers. Do you wish to see me set upon by unruly niggers?"
>Anon, don't use that language! We live in a safe neighborhood, now go
>"The march to the theatre looms long and unfriendly. To maintain my stamina, I require Tendies!"
>mummy is visibly mad at this point
>Anon, I'm not making you more tendies, you had two cases earlier. Your body doesn't need any more!
>"Ah, i see it's a matter of my digestive capacity. The solution, I assure you, is not beyond my sagacity!"
>stick thumb down throat
>puke all over mummy's special Just For Daddy dress
>"My stomach is emptied, it demands to be refilled! Now cook up more tendies, the only task in which you're skilled!"
>mummy starts crying
>walks toward bathroom
>I pull her back into the kitchen
>she makes tendies while crying silently
>>700469103
Your manner of speaking is very poetic. Don't let that bitch try to change your way of speaking.
> Be me on 31st birthday
> Super excited for my party mother organised downstairs
> Mother comes inside my room to greet me as I've been a very good boy this year
> "MUMMIE MUMMIE WHERE IS MY PRESENTS!"
> "Not yet, anon - the party is downstairs"
> "I WANT MY PRESENTS NOW!" I said
> Mother rolled her eyes and went down stairs
> I dont need any good boy points today, its me birthdaaaay!
> Decide to be extra good for the guests downstairs so I cleaned my asshole extra in the shower so no poopie will show.
> Run downstairs to show guests my clean no poopie butt
> -Silence-
> All guests are shocked at how clean my poopie free asshole is, all 2 of them (grammie and mummy)
> "GRAMMY LOOK AT MY POOOOPIE"
> Grandma so happy for me.
> mfw best birthday ever
>Mummy walks in the door holding bags of groceries
>"Looks like mummy got some groceries, and she looks friendly. I wonder perhaps, did she pick up my tendies?"
>Yes, anon, I got you your tendies. They'll be ready in time for dinner.
>"Methinks, perhaps, they'd best be made now; Lest ye become burdened by poo poo somehow..."
>Anon, I don't have time. I need to go pick up your sister from school.
>"Sissy can wait, but poo poo cannot. The tendies will be here and they will be hot."
>Please don't do this again, anon. We can't afford to keep buying you new diapers.
>"You've forsaken me whim, let the poo poo commence. The contents within will be quite immense"
>What are you... OH MY GOD, ANON. THAT SMELLS TERRIBLE
>"I warned you, dear mummy, most surely I did. This is what you get for neglecting your kid!"
Then I played CS: Go for 26 minutes before taking a lengthy nap. Upon my awakening, a warm plate of tendies. Life is comfy.
>>700460608
Feels like summer
Get rid of this Cancer Newfag
>be me
>wake up from ten hour nap, starving
>craving tendies
>saved up some extra gbp by helping mommy bring in groceries
>only problem is mommy's boyfriend chad is with her in their room making snugglies
>fucking hate that bitch i want tendies now
>yell at mommy through closed door
>"MOMMY! WENDY'S TENDIES! WENDY'S TENDIES! WENDY'S TENDIES!"
>"not now anon ill get you some later"
>fucking bitch ill show her
>get my pissjugs from under my bed, along with my cum blanket, pretty much completely crusty at this point
>barge into mommy's room
>chad is on top of mommy
>take one of my pissjugs and pour contents onto them
>"WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING" chad screams
>mommy is sobbing
>"WENDY'S TENDIES ARE SO SPLENDID! NONE FOR YOU AND ALL FOR ME. IF YOU WANT SOME TASTY TENDIES, GBP WILL BE THE FEE."
>chad punches me, fall over, breaking pissjugs on floor
>piss is everywhere
>pee is a fetish of mine, get really horny
>take out my iphone 6s and type in my favorite hentai
>start using my cum blanket to jerk off my dick
>chad and mommy are staring in shock
>chad gets up and leaves, mommy chasing after him
>"CHAD, WAIT!" mommy is crying
>"I can't handle this anymore Stacy, you're son is a fucking freak."
>chad slams door and drives away
>finish fapping, cum buckets into my cum blanket
>drape freshly minted blankey over mum's head
>"ill go get your tendies now anon" she says, sadly
>tfw I break her
>mommy comes home with tendies
>gobble them up while watching the littlest pet shop and fapping some more
>and i still have 50 gbp left.
>>700463574
Too good
https://youtu.be/Zjsu2xH9Dq0?list=PLt8iuQmU9aEncYsyCH8nUCb5Z5DAirNro
>>700462321
op didn't make you feel autistic. you've always felt autistic.
you are autistic
>>700471740
>while watching the littlest pet shop and fapping some more
Patrician choice of spank-material, sir!
https://youtu.be/AH-P0eAQ9d0?list=PLt8iuQmU9aEncYsyCH8nUCb5Z5DAirNro
https://youtu.be/CxLCZv5WO-c?list=PLt8iuQmU9aEncYsyCH8nUCb5Z5DAirNro
Stop FUCKING RAIDING NEWFAG
https://youtu.be/I1WwFVsB1CE?list=PLt8iuQmU9aEncYsyCH8nUCb5Z5DAirNro
>Be me
>Living with mommy and asshole stepdada
>Usually keep to myself down in the basement with my animes, and vidya while they screw around upstairs
>That fucking chimp thinks I cant hear him bang my mom in this house of paperthin walls
>One day he's doing laundry
>Motherfucker thinks he can put his undies in the same basket as mine and wash them together
>ThisFuckingNigger.jpg
>Tell him that's a big nono and tell mommy on him
>She has to listen to me, I've earned many GBP last week for calling a truce and not chucking my doodoo in the Tyrones aquarium
>That fucking junglebunny had the audacity to tell me to grow up and stop making my moms life a living hell and move out and get a job
>A job
>A FUCKING JOB
>REEEEEEEEEEEEEEE
>run to my batcave and take out my glorious 3rd Reich armband
>Eat this subby
>Parade around the house screaming Sieg Heil and Heil Hitler
>Notice my neighbours watching
>My middle schools bff dad, I heard he moved out and married a fitnessjock in SF
>Anyway
>Tyrone chimps out
>OOO OOO AAA AAA
>Comes at me full speed
>OHSHIT.gif
>Start spinning my arms in a forward direction
>Actually sock him in big fat apenose
>"MUTHAFUCKA WHITEBOI" "That's it Martha! I'm out!"
>Notice moms in the corridor crying like a little bitch and smoking ciggs
>Tyrone runs upstairs and starts packing his suitcase
>Run to mom and put my face a few inches from hers
>"Start vaping bitch"
>Run to Tyrones aquarium and lays the big poopie that was laying in my underino all this time
>That'll teach that slave
>Tyrone comes downstairs and goes out the front door
>Mom runs after him
>Tyrone pls dont! He's just a boy!
>"HE'S 32, FFS MARTHA!"
>kek, like age has anything to do with that
>Moms still screaming behind him and he stops, he looks like he's coming around
>NotOnMyWatchCoon.jpg
>run out and stand between him an mommy
>REEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE
>"NO! FUCK THIS"
>Steals neighbours car and drives off
>Mommy realizes I'm the only man for her
>Mommy's good boy wins again
>>700472736
Fucking brain damaged piece of degenerate rash
>>700464868
Kill yourself
>>700472736
>>Actually sock him in big fat apenose
I thought I said enough with the harambe nonsense!
FUCK THIS WEBSITE AMIRIGHT :D
>3.46 p.m.
>get a hankering for Dragon Ball Z (TV Series 1996 - 2003)
>cant get off couch due to muscular-skeletal indevelopment
>scream at mum upstairs
>doesnt reply
>hear sobbing, know the dumb bitch is awake
>yell that ill vomit on the cat
>hear her coming downstairs
>fucking whore took ages, i bet she needs those crutches because of her boyfriend tyrone's dick
>fucking an ape, racemixing filth could drop a dirty baby
>arrives after 44 seconds
>"three seconds late bitch!" i yell after swallowing a mouthfull of whipped cream and pizza
>"would you like me to put on muppets treasure island again dear?"
>stupid bitch cant even remember the schedule
>i keep staring at her, waiting for the timetable to work its way through her mushy brain
>"cars?" she says, clearly getting uncomfortable at her own incompetence
>im getting sick of this shit, dumb bitch needs to be broken in
>pick up a handfull of skittles
>"the lion king?" she says, watching my fist close around them
>sadistic cunt knows how hard activity is with my developmental problems
>pelt her with a handful of sticky skittles
>she flinches, and keeps guessing
>"monsters inc.?" her voice trembling now
>throw another handful of skittles
>this ones heavy on green
>greens my favourite
>now im fucking mad
>start turtling a shit in my pants
>she can tell from my face going red
>"b-b-bambi?" shes really scared now
>the estate agents not going to be impressed if she cant clean my shit up before tomorrow
>keep pushing my shit out
>"d-dragon b-b-ball?" shes sobbing now
>not close enough, i can feel the shit against the couch
>"dragon...ball...GT?"
>had enough
>"DRAGON BALL Z YOU FUCKING WHORE"
>shes weeping as she puts the tape in
>goes upstairs faster than she came down the lazy slut
>fucking bakugan starts playing
Fucking normies can't even read kanji
>>700460608
>lunge at her and kick the shit out of her
not in your fucking dreams, titties.
>5:45 PM
>Wake up from a particularly intense visit to tumblrs paw fetish tag
>Even managed to stretch over my belly and reach my peepee long enough to cum with out mummys help
>Awake now, I feel the need for about 50 tendies and an extra large glass of chokie pudding to wash it down
>Press the intercom I had mommy install for my birthday last year
>"TENDIES TENDIES AND CHOKIE PUDDY!"
>If this cunt is too stupid to decipher THAT, then she's beyond all fucking help
>Mommy sprints up the stairs 20 minutes later with 2 50 piece nuggets from mcdonalds and a large jug of puddy
>Nuggets
>"Do it again or I'll fucking kill myself and light the house on fire right before I pull the fucking trigger."
>"Wha- Oh right! Tendies, not nuggies! I'm so so sorry honey..."
>"Honey'
>Fucking HONEY
>Mommy knows I like to be called her sweetpea
>Roll out of bed and lunge at her, the poopoo from last weeks Poofap party in hand
>Smash it into her fucking face as hard as I can while screaming "POOPOO POISON PAWNCH!!!"
>Mommy falls backwards into the radiator, but this has happened so many times her skull is calloused enough to tank the shot, she scrambles to her feet and rushes back to the car
>By the time she returns, I've eaten all the nuggies and puddy
>She has the 50 tendies
>But no new puddy
Guys, I try to be understanding but this is borderline child neglect. How do I show her that this is unacceptable? It's obvious my gentle reminders won't be as effective now that her skull doesn't crack on the radiator anymore.
>>700466924
This pasta was around before harambe was even a thing...
>Mom gets off work early without calling first
>Finds me in the pantry emptying my poop jug into the cat's litter box
>Starts yelling at me, saying that I'm fucking disgusting
>Tell her that it's all her fault for breaking up with my dad when I was six
>She tells me that I need to be an adult
>Cry and scream and even throw my shit jug at her
>She says that from now on I have to go to bed before midnight
>Tell her to fuck off and go to my room
>Don't go to bed because it's fucking bullshit and I'm not a god damn wage slave
>She opens the door flat out at like one AM and is really pissed
>Tries to push me away from the computer, but I'm too heavy
>I start yelling at the top of my lungs
>She rips my computer tower out of the wall and takes it up to her room
>Knows I'm too fat to climb the stairs and thinks shes won
>Lay down at the bottom of the stairs and scream until my throat hurts
>Still no computer
>She goes to work the next day
>Wake up at like 3 PM and no computer
>Bitch has fucking overstepped her boundaries now
>Go into the bathroom and lift top off toilet tank so I can shit in it
>Sitting on tank and begin to turtle-head when I get an idea
>Pucker up my ass and waddle into the kitchen
>Take huge shit in the microwave and set the timer for three hours
>Mom comes home an hour later and the whole house fucking reeks
>She's screaming about a fire in the kitchen
>Can hear her crying for hours and even hear firemen stamping around
>Later that evening she comes in sobbing
>Sets up my computer tower for me
Flawless victory
>>700475281
I don't get it. What good would shitting in the toilet tank have done?
>8pm
>playing RuneScape solo
>vs KBD
>Antifire runs out, die
>Scream and punch my wall, putting another hole in it (they stopped getting fixed when dad left)
>Fucking normalscum mom yells up to me "Anon, please stop getting mad at your nintendo! Pause it and come down for din-dins!"
>Yell back "FUCK OFF MOM IT'S NOT A NINTENDO AND I CAN'T PAUSE IT I NEED TO GET MY ITEMS BACK BEFORE THEY DESPAWN"
>All the while I'm running back (~200k risk)
>DISCONNECTED FROM SERVER
>Start screaming, run downstairs, tripping over my pissbottles
>Mom is standing by the router, dumb bitch turned it off
>"Now, anon, I'm sorry I had to do that, but Doctor Goldberg says I need to set limits-"
>Cock my fedora back and punch that smug cunt in the neck
>She drops to the ground with a gasp and just lies there shaking
>I start screaming, stamping my feet and turtleheading
>She pushes past me on the way to her room
>Yell "OW BITCH YOU HURT ME!" and start crying
>She ignores me, locks herself in the room
>I follow her, still crying, stand outside her door and start kicking it, chanting "YOU DON'T LOVE ME MOMMY YOU DON'T LOVE YOUR GOOD LITTLE BOY"
>She begs me to leave her alone
>I tell her I'm hungry and she's starving me and if she doesn't get me some tendies right fucking now i'll report her for child abuse
>She tells me dinner is on the table
>It's fucking broccoli and meatloaf and shit
>Start pounding on her door and demanding the tendies I am owed
>Eventually get tired, bitch isn't responding, curl up on the floor outside her door and fall asleep to the sound of her quietly sobbing on the other side
>Wake up in my own bed, tucked in, a note on my lamp:
>"Sweetie, you made yourself sick and messed yourself, so I changed you and bathed you while you were asleep, I hope you don't mind. I'm sorry. I love you, you're my special little guy. Don't ever stop being my little boy, honey. I'll love you forever. Please forgive me."
>Plate of tendies on my nightstand
tfw mummy realizes I call the shots
>>700475685
She would have to clean it
The following is completely true. Unlike the rest of you idiots I actually live the dream!
>29 years old
>In my play room
>Need to make poo
>Lean over my inflatable ottoman
>Put my toy dump truck between my legs and make a shipment.
>Poo-poo is a little runnier than usual, but it doesn't matter.
>Now I'm hauling a fresh load across the country
>Mummy brings in my lunch (nachos. I like to change it up)
>"Anon, I told you not to play with your poo poo!"
>I'm getting real fucking tired of hearing this.
>Flip the plate of nachos into the wall
>Start punching my own head
>"Anon stop PLEASE STOP!" she screams
>You made me do this I say.
>She runs out of the room to get the tethers to tie my arms back and stop me hitting myself
>Stand behind the door and wait for her to come back.
>As soon as she runs back in I punch her directly in the face as hard as I can, making a weird, wet cracking sound.
>She falls over and hits her head on my dinosaur table.
>I go back to playing with my toy trucks and stuffed animals
>She wakes up a bit later
>I don't say anything, I just stare at her
>She quietly leaves the room.
>I can hear her crying from her room.
>Am I worried? No. Regretful? Certainly not.
>I'll wait it out and things will go back to normal.
>It's easy for me to be a good boy.
>If Mummy does what I say I'll be a good little boy.
If she doesn't like it she should have had an abortion. She chose this life.
>be normal MLP fan at convention
>getting a photo with Twilight Sparkle
>get mummy to hold Samsung Galaxy Note 2
>Twilight Sparkle is very busy and mummy can't use the phone
>DONT MAKE ME ANGRY I yell
>Mummy starts to cry, I hate it when mummy cries in public
>with a mighty roar of frustration I swing twilight princess in an ark of blue legs, ketchup on ice cream sundae and 7up onto mummy and the floor
>UUUUUUUUUUUUUURRRRRGGGGH
>run off as fast as my leggies will let me, tears and 7up trailing in the air like vapour trails
>wheezing and heaving I crash into a staircase full of people waiting in line for a signing
>I fall into them
>as I am small I can nearly use the scales at the doctors, so I think probably only 400lb
>I crush three children and a baby stroller leaving the imprinted mark of my magic the gathering ring in the face of legolas
>Legolas with an almighty shout of "FRODO" saves the day, swinging his mighty axe down and beheading me
>>700478037
>If she doesn't like it she should have had an abortion. She chose this life.
Agreed! All our mothers used to be slutty normalfags bitches. We wouldn't have pity with them normally. Ironically the only reason we do pity them is because they forced us into existence, which is the same reason we should hate them even more.
>>700478907
>>getting a photo with Twilight Sparkle
I assume you're referring to Tara "Look at my Tits" Strong? If so lucky you.
>>700479025
exactly, why don't cunts ever shut their mouths. Maybe they would be less sad if they kept their legs shut
>Be me, working on my minecraft peaceful world
>mummy comes in, hands up in submission
>"a-anon... It's time for your doctors appointment..."
>look her dead in the face
>"if you make me go to that jew Doctor I'm going to shit in your fucking bed."
>"now anon, if you behave... I'll give you a triple Tendie meal from anywhere you want."
>sold, but resolve to give her as hard a time as possible to punish her for not just GIVING me the triple tendies for being her perfect little baby boy
>get in the car
>"oh boy mommy, I really do need to go to the docy docs! I am feeling so... Sick!"
>shit my big boy pants
>she screams at me to get out of the car so she can clean it, say no, docy docs now!
>she reluctantly drives me over, go inside office and wipe my shit on the Windows
>she apologizes, pays for damages and we wait for the doctor
>mommys shoe starts to dangle off her heel
>start jerking off
>mommy sees me and desperately whispers at me to stop before someone notices
>moan as loud as I can
>she's in tears now
>look her in the eye
>"Touch my cock, whore." I say loud enough for the whole room to hear
>she sobs loudly and shakes her head no
>pinch her nipple and twist until she agrees and gives me cummies
>Doctor calls me in, immediately call him a kike
>spend whole checkup farting, pissing, and belching strategically to ruin the doctors day
>checkup finally ends, mom is still sobbing
>"triple Tendie time now mummy!"
>lets out a louder sob and rushes to the car, me in pursuit
>"wh-where do you want tendies from, anon?"
>tell her I want wendies tendies
>she takes me to wendies, and we discover, to her horror, that they only have nuggets now.
>REEEEE at her while shitting and pissing myself
>she rushes me home and leaves me there, saying she'll be back soon with as many tendies as I can eat
>comes home 20 minutes later with 7 orders of Popeyes tendies
>smile and thank her
>she sighs with relief and decides to take a nap after her ordeal
>Left her a surprise in bed
>>700479507
> not knowing what Twilight Sparkle is
>am now filthy NEET, its almost normie tier
>filthy whore mother informed me NEETBUX can be exchanged for GBP
>I do like GBP
>have her leave work to pick me up
>roll me to car to take me to NEETBUX vendor
>disgusting nazi at bum office asks if ive looked for a job yet
>fucking normie shmuck dares speak to me?
>start breathing in through my teeth and blowing out my nose
>snot starts running down
>starts getting sucked into my mouth
>wait till mouth is filled
>grab wagecuck social benefit bearocrat by his ugly tie and and scream PUSSY spitting my snot all over his face
>stand up flipping the desk with my belly
>guess mother dearest was tired as 5 security guards carried me to the car
>mfw I dont have to go to bum office anymore
>NEETBUX4LIFE
>be last night
>playing dota 2 since 9 a.m.
>get the hungies
>wake mummy up at 11:30 p.m.
>tell her I want cool ranch Doritos locos tacos and baja blast Mountain Dew
>specifically tell her cool ranch & baja blast
>comes back with pleb tier original nacho Doritos locos tacos and kill me tier regular flavor pepsi
>decide to get back at mummy
>wait until about 2 a.m.
>take a big watery Taco Bell shit in front if her bedroom door
>she gets up for work 4 hours later slips on my huge puddle of taco bell diarrhea
>bruises her butt and ruins her nice work pants
That'll teach that cunt to not listen to me!
>wacky in my bed after fapping until 3:45 AM to furry porn in my closet
>want to play pokemon alpha sapphire
>reach for 3Ds
>its not on its charger stand
>hyperventilate and rush to mommys room
>ask her if shes seen my 3ds
>"now now, sweaty you can't have your nintendo back until you clean your room"
>a bold move for such an ungreatful bitch
>snatch 3ds out of her hand and slowely start walking back to room
>"ANON!"
>stop dead in my tracks
>she thinks shes scared me
>look down and chuckle like in my animes
>i slowely turn around
>my eyes roll up
>lower my voice to a demonic tone
>open my moun and let out a booming
>MOM
>scared little bitch mom still tries to take control
>"a-a-an-n-non, h-and over that g-g-game this i-i-nstant"
>sorry mom, but i've gotta beat the elite four
>walk out of the room, bitch does nothing
>mfw
>Tell mommy to make me triple-tendie din dins since I have so many good boy points
>She tells me we're out of Tyson brand tendies
>Unacceptable
>REEEEEEEEEEE MUMY MUMMY I TOLD YOU YO BUY MORE TENDIES REEEEEEEEEEEEEE
>"Okay Anon, I'm s-sorry"
>"WHY DON'T YOU LOVE ME MUMMY REEEEEEEEEEEE"
>Start flailing around, banging my head on the wall and kicking my legs around
>Stop when she says we can go to Mcdonald's
>Waddle in the store, drooling
>Ask for 5 Chicken sandwhiches and 5 SUPER SIZE fries and a Large Coke and a Good Boy sized McFlurry with extra toppings
>Wagie says "We stopped selling super size freedom fries after 9/11"
>Start screaming and farting
>Manager tells mommy that we have to leave
>Start screaming even louder and throwing other peoples food everywhere
>Hop on one of the tables and take a massive poopie
>Walk out laughing like my hero Tidus from Final Fantasy X
>Mommie is kneeling on the sidewalk, crying asking how it could get this bad
Stories like the ones in this thread are the reason why "living with your parents" should be illegal if you have the capability to live on your own. Welfare used to be a good thing, but nowadays its just to exploitable to be a real thing. I bet you would all starve if your mothers died today.
>>700468352
Maybe the mom killed herself from the pistol
> be me
> 28 years old NEET
> raised as an only child
> I caused mummy and daddys divorce
> nothing matters except the scrumptious taste of tendies
> GOLDEN BROWN TENDY TOWN TURN THAT FROWN UPSIDE DOWN
> mfw its 03:00am
> eww mummy is sleeping with nasty landlord
> mummy I'm hungries
> yell into intercom for snackitysnacks
> CLAIM THE MEAL OF THE CHICKEN GODS!! ITS TENDY TIME!!
> her tired voice reponds with "NOT NOW SWEETY MOMMY IS WORKING!!"
> insolent woman I know there are tendies in the freezer bring me my tendies
> challenging me at this hour?
> keep chanting for the tendies that are rightfully mine
> evil jew landlord tells mummy to shut me up
> naughty man. Making mummy's ladylettuce smell like sardines
> The war has begun.ctn
> enter sunrise. All Preparations are complete.
> nullifying any chance of escape I reeeee into mummies "office" on my valiant reinforced electric scooter.
> douse jew in two jugs of poopyjuice before he can activate his spells
> evil jew is unable to battle!
> ram him into the corner and then leap off of my valiant steed and mount mummy's face
> NO NO NO NO NO NO MUMMY! YOUR PUNISHMENT MUST BE MORE SEVERE!!
> "URGH! YOU'RE CRUSHING ME SWEET-- OH GOD HELP ME PLEASE NO!!"
> Groan as I release a big boy turd so nasty her fingernails begin to peel backwards
> gaze into her eyes as the impact sends mummy into panic attack
> expel the last of my poopies on the sheet. How many times must I break you?
> tidy up my toys and waddle into kitchen to await my spoils
> slithery jew slithers out of my castle and says we don't need to worry about rent ever again
> mummy finally arrives visibly shaken and broken inside
> opens the freezer to make my tendies and blows them until they are cool
> "mummy you have to chew them for me"
> mummy breaks down in tears and screams for death
> yawn, give myself 5 extra gbp and fall asleep without eating them.
>be 27 y.o.
>wakey time at noon, early start today so I can get my bonus 5 good boy points
>Mommy comes into bedroom with the cutest widdle bruises all over her face from my tantrum last night
>Looks worried
>Looks like she hasn't slept in days
>But it's all alright, she does it for the bestest son in the world
>Mommy has breakfast on a platter, it's chicken tendies and habanero sauce
>I only eat McDonald's habanero sauce
>I take a widdle bite of my tendies dipped in the sauce
>it's not McDonald's
>eyes dilate
>jaw dislocates
>open mouth
>scream "BITCH WHERE THE FUCK IS MY SAUCE?"
>Mommy looks scaredy waredy
>Her lip shakes a bit
>Starts to cry
>"It's discontinued anon, McDonald's doesn't have it anymore"
>"YOU BETTER GET IT RIGHT NOW OR I'M GONNA GET UPSET!"
>Mommy just stands there crying
>I start shitting and pissing myself
>"MOMMY! POOPOO! PEEPEE! PLOPPIES! SWIRLIES!"
>Mommy just stands there crying
>"WELL BITCH GET A MOVE ON!"
>Mommy stops crying, looks at me with a scawy look
>Walks out of the room
>Walks back into the room with a big scawy tube that makes a loud noise that hurt my ears
>Woke up in white room with doctors all around and my chicken tendies across the room
>tfw too fat to get out of hospital bed to get tendies
>cry
>post my story on /b/
>4 am
>happy tummy full of tendies
>be right in the middle of my 5 nights at freddy's session
>suddenly my pee pee feels funny and tickles from the inside
>"MOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOMMMMMMYYYYYYY"
>she doesn't respond, she's been eating a lot of sleep-candies since when second daddy left (she promised she'll share with me soon enough yay! )
>i'm forced to waddle out of my 80 GBP gaming chair and go in her room while screaming "PEEEEEE PPEEEEEEEEEEEE FIZZY MUMMY HELP BABYYY GUU"
>the stress of this causes my belly to relax and I let out a steaming brown tendy-log in my XXL diapey - i'm mummys big baby boy, she always says that :)
>i plop down in her bed while she looks at me in horror and disgust
>"mummy my pee pee feels tickly, need pee pee funny dance"
> tears are falling on her cheeks, she closes her eyes and starts taking my diaper off
>the smell of fresh tendy-log and 2 days old diarrhea smeared on my hairy asscheeks makes her gag
> i let out a teehee while saying "mummy belly burp!"
>then, while sobbing, she grabs my pee pee stick and starts going up and down
>my smegma crusted foreskin hardly retreats while tear drops fall on my belly
>i let out my funny-happy milk on her hand "OOHUUHHHHHHU PEE PEE IS GLAD, I MADE IT FOR MUMMYY"
> "you're my special little baby boy, thank you for your gift to mommy" says her, while becoming red in face from happiness
>mummy grabs orange bottle from nightstand and rewards herself extra-helping of sleep candies, teehee she deserves it!
> i leave her room and the diaper on her bed and go back to my gaming session
> the next day she's still tired and sleeping on her bed
i wonder when she'll wake up, maybe she's preparing a surprise for babby boy gu? so many GBP await me for not waking her up!!
> Be healthy 300 pound baby with a loving mommy
> wake up right on time at 5:25pm after a night of intense gaming on garys mod
> Go out with mummy to buy the minecraft sword I was promised, to defend against normies
> Arrive at Gamestop, mom makes GBP transaction with the wagey behind the coutner
> Feel instant rush of anger when I finally get the sword, because I need to show I'm superior to dumb wagecucks
> I hit the wagey with it, as hard as my big boned muscles will allow me to
> "Anon! WHY!?"
> "DUMB WAGESLAVE MADE ME CAVE! LET ME GIVE HIM A BOO BOO OR I DO A POO POO!" I wittily reply
> "ANON! 200GBP GONE MISTER"
> This dumb bitch thinks she can get away with this, I warned her
> "REEEEEEE" I scream, as I pull down the shelves in the store to block off mommy
> Rip down my diaper, the stench immediately causes the two other customers in the store to vomit
> Put my brand new awesome sword between my bum bum cheeks, pointing it behind me
> Start fiercely grinding on the sword, the mere sight causes all the normies in the store to get shocked from amazement
> Can feel the individual pixel changing as I do move it
> Sword is now covered in my healthy, thick blood
> Pee on the sword for good measure
> I am now the master of all the elements, blood, pee pee and poo poo
> "GIVE ME TENDIES NOW MUM"
> Start hitting everyone in the store with the amalgamated weapon
> Everyone flees
> Start rolling around in the aftermath
> Pass out, because I was hungry
> Wake up in bed with tendies, mommy happily swinging on a rope by her neck
> Decisive victory
>Wednesday afternoon
>tugging it to Nick Jr all day long
>Finish squeezing big boy gooey gunk from my winker
>Mumsies comes home from work
>Poo poo in my diapie due to excitement
>Earned 70 good boy points earlier today by promising not to empty my piss bottles on mumsie's bed while she was at work
>Expect delicious tendies immediately
>Squat walk downstairs with full diaper of excitement
>No good smell
>Mumsie looks upset
>Anon you're 33, I talked with a friend about getting you a job
>Fucking normie mom
>Remove my shit filled diaper and wield it like a sling
>IM A GOD BOY I HAVE GOOD BOY POINTS GIVE ME CHICKEN TENDIES
>Anon please..
>IM DAVIE YOURE GOLIATH
>Swing my shit sling at her
>Diaper falls apart and flings wet sloppy big boy chocolate all over the room
>Ring of fecies whips her in the eye and she falls do the ground recoiling and grabbing her face
>Slap her open handed and squat over her face
>YOUR LACK OF TENDIES SEALS YOUR DOOM, I LOOSE MY BOWELS WITH A BOOM!
>Queue a huge wet fart bubble followed by a mexican mudslide in the rainy season
>Literally pours over her face like a generous helping of steaming hot chili
>She wipes it off her face and tries to gasp for air
>Quickly plug her shit covered mouth with my still-erect big boy weenie peenie
>GIVE ME EXTRA GOOD BOY POINTS OR ELSE ILL CHOKE YOU MUMSIE
>She spasms and mumbles what might be a yes
>waddle back to my room and play some XBox
>Serves me tendies later while sobbing and promises to give me lots of good boy points
>mfw I put that bitch in her place
>mfw I always get my way.
>>700484314
>>IM DAVIE YOURE GOLIATH
my sides
>>700464868
Lord of the newfags of this thread
>>700461154
Is this cringe thread?
>be at Burger King
>they have $1.49 for 10 nuggets deal
>this means I can order more nuggies!
>time to load up
>decide to get 200
>make ma-ma do the conversion from USD to GBP
>only 60 Good Boy Points for 200 nugnugs!
>I clean out their nuggie saucies (costs 0 GBP so I order extra, 1 sauce packet per 2 nuggies)
>my table looks like the famous Scarface scene but with nuggies instead of cocaine
>scarf down my nuggers n' sauce while ma-ma plays Candy Crush on her phone (shitty pleb game)
>mum tells me to slow down else I get a tum-tum ache
>stupid bitch thinks she can tell me what to do
>later that night I wake up with a big hurty poo
>rush-waddle to bathroom
>trip and fall before I reach toilet
>laying on the bathroom floor crying my eyes out and pooping all over the floor
>1 hour later i clean myself up in the toilet bowl and wake up mommy to clean my poopies
>didn't get my 50 GBP for sleeping through the night
>lose the 30 daily GBP bonus I get for keeping my poo-poos in the toilet
>can't go to sleep now
>do peepee fun rubby-squirty on the Baby Bop pages of my Barney and Friends picture book
>miss the pages and and get pee-pee mayonnaise all over my bedsheets
>mums get upset when she sees the stains and takes away the rest of my GBP
And that's why you never choose nuggies over tendies
>>700462096
Hi fucking kill yourself
>Moms says she's cooking my favourite food.
>Chicken Schnitzel.
>Rejoice in anticipation.
>Go to the bank to collect my NEETbux.
>Return home.
>Mom tell's me she'll start cooking up the schnitzel.
>Check progress midway.
>Something smells off.
>She's using the wrong fucking breadcrumbs.
>Enraged, I punch her in the fucking face.
>As she staggers back towards the sink, the pan spills oil all over her arm.
>Ohshit.jpg
>She's crying her eyes out in agony.
>Fortunately the sinks right there for her to rinse the burn.
>Still angered, I run upstairs to my room and slam the door.
>Open a packet of salt and vinegar chips instead.
Did I overreact? I just felt like she did it to fuck with me, like it's her fetish or something. It's my favourite dish of all time and she just had to fucking ruin it for me.
>>700464868
Even that name is gay af
>>700465377
Nice b8 u got your xp now kys
>be me
>wake up at 4:20 PM
>get on call of duty
>doing really good
>yell at some kids really loudly
>have to take a enormous poo poo
>i waddle my 400 pound good boy body to the bathroom
>get poo poo behind the toilet somehow
>whatever mummy will clean it up
>go back scream at kids some more
>mummy comes in the room
>A-a-anon... Could y--you lower your v-voice...?
>WHAT DID YOU JUST SAY TO ME MUMMY
>WHO DO YOU THINK I AM
>you're m-my good boy A-anon...
>thats what I thought you whore
>she goes to the bathroom, witnesses poo poo all over the place
>she cleans it will sobbing
>hear mummy call someone
>hear car drive up
>mummy comes in room with an unfamiliar man
>A-anon this is doctor Goldstein
>WHO ARE YOU, WHY DID YOU ENTER THE DANGER ZONE
>at the time I called my basement the danger zone because of mummy being hit all the time here
>doctor goldstein says I need major help
>Anon you're 38 why are you doing this?
>DON'T CALL ME ANON I DON'T KNOW YOU JEW
>call me a good boy
>No Anon, you need help
>SHUT UP FAGGOT!
>pick up my naked 400 pound self
>sit on him
>easily break one of his bones
>stick me pee pee in his mouth
>pee in it
>ITS NOT OVER YET JEW
>i position myself for what i call the destroyer
>i poo pooed all over him and made him eat it
>mummy tries to escape
>waddle over there
>NO YOU DON'T BITCH
>knock her down, sit on her legs so she can't break out
>WHOS A GOOD BOY?
>YOU ARE ANON! LET ME GO
>ONLY IF YOU MAKE ME CHICKEN TENDIES, AND CALL ME GOOD BOY FOR NOW ON
>YES, YES ANON!
>she makes me tendies everytime i scream it now
>im the only good boy she'll ever need
>she doesnt need a boyfriend
>tfw maximum tendies for life
>>700473384
This thread is full of summer
>playing CoD3
>belly rumbles
>"Mommy I need some Tendieeeeeessss."
>"Anon, for the last time, you're on a diet and can't have fried food!"
>"But momeeeeeee! I have enough GBPeeeee!!"
>no response
>wait a few minutes
>Hear the "bump bump" of mommy walking down the stairs
>a tray slides through the flap-flap on my basement door
>mommy had it installed because "she couldn't bear seeing me"
>remove the neck of my poop jug from my anus
>been sitting on my poop jug as a chair all day
>it makes my peepee feel tingly
>wobble over my bedroom door
>look at the tray
>so taken aback by the horror on my tray that I fall over
>THE BITCH MADE ME BAKED CHICKEN
>clench fists hulk-style and start yelling "IM.... ANGRY"
>"ANON SMASH!"
>just like my hero, saitama, knock the basement door off of it's hinges in one punch
>start hobbling up the stairs
>have to stop on the 5th step because exhausted
>take a nap on the stairs for about 30 minutes
>continue making my journey up the last 3 steps
>get to the top, reminds me of rocky
>roll up to mommy, poopy butt leaving trails on the carpet
>"hello anon how was your dinn-"
>roll straight into her legs, knocking her to the ground
>"MOMMY FAILED TO COMPLY, NOW SHE ten-DIES"
>Start rolling on her like a steamroller
>hear her bones cracking from my beautiful curves
>"ANON NO PLEASE STOP!"
>activate "Muddy Lemonade" protocol
>start pissing and shitting as i roll over her
>"ANON ILL MAKE YOU TENDIES JUST PLEASE STOP!"
>I halt
>she crawls to the kitchen her broken legs dragging behind her
>see her pull a handful of what i think are tic-tacs from an orange bottle and put them into the milk for the breading
>I hate mint flavor!
>slither up behind her like a snake that has just eaten a elephant whole
>"PUT MINTS IN MY TENDIES, YOUR SPINE GOES BENDY"
>get mommy's head and bend it backwards so the back touches her butt
>she's limp
>have peepee fun friction time with her mouth
>roll back to basement and start playing CS:GO
>expect tendies when mum wakes up
>>700463574
WHAT IN GODS NAME DID I JUST EXPERIENCE
>>700460608
i'm a little hard tbh
>wake up at noon
>30 year old NEET
>had accident in sleep which I rolled around in
>grab cum-towel off nightstand and do my best wipe mess from my folds of fat
>tummy gurgles loudly, so hungry
>plop out of bed, navigate through shit jugs and piss bottles in my room
>waddle downstairs to check GBP board
>wait a minute to catch my breath before I look
>just enough Good Boy Points for some tendies and sauce!
>legs buckle under own weight
>roll myself into the living room where mummy is watching her favorite soap opera
>"mummy mummy I have enough Good Boy Points for some tendies!"
>she turns to me with the most disgusting look on her face while I lay flat on the ground stuggling to get up
>"s-sure honey, le-let me just get some tendies for you"
>she struggles to go to the kitchen without vomitting from the smell and sight of my obese, putrid, feces and semen covered body
>she pulls the tendies out of the freezer after letting the oven heat up as she begins to cry into the sink
>I roll over and pull myself up to my high chair that starts to creak as I sit down
>have my crayons and Power Rangers coloring book to occupy me while I wait
>the tendies are finally done and she puts them on my plate
>she can't hold back the vomit as I open my mouth to eat some tendies and vomits all over my plate
>I can't let these tendies go to waste, so I eat them along with the vomit
>"yummy wummy tendies in my tummy, thanks mummy"
>do my best to muster a smile but the rows of decaying teeth only disgust mummy further
>high-chair finally breaks from my heft
>causes me to have another accident
>mum runs away to her room, sobbing uncontrollably, so ashamed of her baby boy
>I just sit there on floor, in my own filth, thinking about what a disappointment I am
>mfw
>>700460608
>>Don't want to lose virginity yet (saving for my highschool friend who I haven't spoken to in 17 years, still holding out hope we'll meet again and she'll have stayed pure for me too)
>>700462724
Ya can't flim flam the zim same.
>be me
>38 years old, still unemployed
>4am
>horny after watching 10 episodes of Pokemon: Johto Journey
>clomp my way across the landing to mummy's room
>clamber onto her bed
>MUMMY WUMMY ITS TIME FOR MY TUMMY TO GIVE YOU THE TENDIES THAT COME FROM MY ENDIES
>she wakes groggy and confused
>"Oh no, no Anon, please. We said-"
>she bursts into tears
>"We said I would only do it once. You got your 50,000 GBP to promise to never do it again."
>stupid bitch is crying hysterically now
>"I need to get up for work in an hour. The office told me if I'm late again I'll be f-f-fired."
>grab her hair and yank her head up
>NO MUMMY ITS TIME FOR YOU TO RECYCLE THE CHICKEN TENDIES BECAUSE TENDIES FROM MY ENDIES ARE YUMMY FOR MUMMYS TUMMY
>tries to wriggle away, gasping hysterically, but I grab her slender wrists with my Charizard strength
>MUMMY YOU ARE SO PRETTY I tell her as the tears stream down her red, puffy face
>MUMMYEEEEEEEERRRGGGHHHHHHH!!!!!!! YOU HAVE TO EAT THE SECOND HAND TENDIES
>she nods slowly, lower lip quivering
>squat myself over mummy's accepting face and pull down my black shorts with the flames up the sides
>mummy opens her mouth, trembling with horror and racked with sobs as she tries to keep still, I can feel her hot breath on my hairy, shit-encrusted anus
>(tendies tendies from my endies, from my tummy into mummy) I whisper into the night air
>within seconds I feel something
>a gushing of release and relief from my guts expels explosive and gaseous from my itchy bumhole, spraying and splopping chunks and jets and gooey ropes of every colour all over mummy's face and into her pink, waiting mouth
>hear her gagging and crying even harder underneath me
>relief is so intense I fall face-first onto her bed, booty naked in the air
>EAT MY TENDIES MUMMY, THEYRE SO GOOD AND YUMMY I say into the bedding, muffled
>hear her trying to swallow
>just keeps gagging and crying
>I fall asleep there and when I wake up at 3pm she's gone
fucking normie bitch
>Wake up at 4PM from napsy time
>Glance over at my Good Boy Points scoreboard
>Fuck yes, 25 pointsies!
>Time to play some video gameys
>Waddle downstairs to living room in my jammy wammies
>Mom has her book club over, occupying valuable living room space
>"Anon, we're having our weekly book meeting here, can't you go play in the playroom for a little while?"
>No bitch, I saved up my Good Boy Points to play my Weegee game
>"O-okay, Anon, but please try to keep it down."
>Of course mommy, I'm your good boy!
>Load up New Super Luigi U
>Hear mom in the background: "A-as I was saying, I think Jane Eyre..."
>The game starts
>Start chanting Luigi catchphrases
>WEEGEE TIME! WAHOO! MARIOOOOO!
>Absorbed in the game
>World 1 boss, so toughy tough!
>Start farting from the concentration
>Smells like rotten meat
>WEEGEE NUMBER ONE
>Sniff fartsy farts and giggle
>Made it to world 2!
>Fart out a hot burning one
>Hear one of the bookwomen gag
>"I'm sorry Anon's Mom, I think I've left the lights on at home. I really have to go!"
>Hear her run out while gagging
>Look over at mom and her friendsies
>They're all looking at me disgusted
>Smirk
>"Come on, Anon, why don't you go to the playroom for a little bit. I think you've had enough tv timey."
>NO BITCH I WANNA PLAY WEEGEE
>I HAVE PAID THE GBP, NO REFUNDS
>"Please, Anon, we can talk about this later."
>Bitch has got to know when to stop.
>Now it's WEEGEE TIME
>Rub Wii U Gamepad over my wee wee, get a semi
>Start violently farting and shitting in my diapies
>The smell is horrific
>Women start throwing up while scrambling for the door
>Mom starts crying, completely broken down
>It's just the two of us now
>I laugh and roll around
>Mom just sits there, staring blankly at me
>Tummy tums starts growling
>Mommy, now make me tendies please?
>No response
>MOMMY, TENDIES NOW FOR TUMTUM HUNGRY
>No wonder dad left us, you useless whore
>Throw gamepad at her face, shatter her cheekbone
>She nods silently and makes my tendies
>Dine like a king
These stories are so glorious, and they are always with single mums... they are surely fake but occasionally I'm not so sure...
>"anon time to go to gamgams"
>GO AWAY MOM I DON'T WANNA
>dumb cunt trying to pull me away from my furry cuck trap porn
>"she's making us dindins anon"
>get up and demand that whore dresses me
>tries to put a polo shirt on me
>NO THE SONIC SHIRT YOU RETARDED BITCH
>mummy chokes back sobs
>"but sweetie its got icky bad touch stains"
>GOTTA GO FAST
>she sighs and gently tucks my wee tumtum tightly into the 5X shirt
>get to gamgams
>she makes dinner
>isnt tendies
>start crying
>"anon please stop crying you're 30 years old please be mature"
>GOTTA GO FAST
>i do a WCW goldberg spear to mummy
>climb the kitchen table
>start turtle heading in my big boy diapey
>IF YA SMELLLLLL-LALALA
>elbow drop mummy
>dementia ridden gamgam sits smiling
>run off and steal her meds
>two weeks later gamgam dies without her meds
>try not to laugh at funeral
>"anon you were such a good boy at the funeral you didn't cry at all"
>earn enough good boy points for a john cena deluxe aggression action figure and din dins of choice
>undisputed world tendie federation champion
>roll out of bed at 4:30pm
>time to grace mommy with my presence and get my daily tendies
>try to carefully maneuver around shit, piss/cum jugs
>knock a few over
>oh well mommy will clean it like she always does
>waddle to the kitchen
>MOMMY YOUR FAVORITE LITTLE BOY IS HERE FOR HIS TENDIES
>she turns around with the most tired look on her face
> she's obviously been suffering without me there, I mean it even looked like she was crying!
>mommy must miss me a lot when I'm sleeping
>TIME FOR MY YUMMY WUMMY TENDIES MUMMY
>"Sweety, you eat tendies everyday. Maybe you'd like to try something else. I got some healthy foods at the store I thought you could try."
>is this bitch serious
>we've been over this
>my smile leaves and I just coldy stare at her
>she knows what happened last time I didn't get tendies
>she immediately starts apologising over and over and says she'll fix me extra tendies today
>fucking right you will
>she sobs as she puts nearly 3 full bags worth of tendies into the oven
>bitch fucking learned, I'm surprised
>should punish her for making me go through this shit but I'm a good boy so I let it slide this one time
>mommy is so lucky to have me
>go to whataburger tonight with mummy for my daily tendies-brekky
>everything's going as usual
>there's a new employee at the drive-through window
>he says the tendies are being cooked and that i'll have to wait a few minutes
>mummy offers 5 GBP if i just let it slide
>accept her offer; should have played hardball in retrospect
>the person hands the tendies to mummy after SIX minutes
>says "sorry about the wait, here's your chicken strips"
>strips
>REEEEEEEEEEEEE
>scream "THEY'RE CALLED TENDIES YOU NORMALSCUM WAGESLAVE"
>mummy apologizes and explains my condition to the man
>he's visibly restraining himself from laughing
>cry to mummy about why life is unfair and blame her for giving me shitty genes
>she breaks down crying and gives me 10 bonus GBP
>better than usual tendies-brekky, couldn't have planned it better
she's still crying in the next room. think i can milk her for more points?
>wake up at 11PM
>tum tum roaring with the force of a thousand exploding suns from hunger
>put hand down my pull up big boy diaper and poke around in my bum bum
>pull out a soggy mess of half digested poo poo
>smell it and wipe it on my buzz lightyear bedsheets for mommy to clean up later
>roll out of my race car bed and waddle to kitchen
>mommy better have my tendies ready and at perfect temperature or she's going to PAY
>find mommy slumped against the oven, overwhelmed from exhaustion from having to work 2 jobs
>that BITCH overcooked my tendies AND they're cold
>dig around inside bum bum again and smear poo poo over over the tendies and the Good Boy Points chart on the fridge
>at least she prepared XL sippy cup filled with Mountain Dew
>gag because its lukewarm from having been left out of the fridge too long
>vomit all over the floor
>fling my sippy cup at mommy and hit her on the head
>Dew explodes everywhere and mixes with the vomit
>mommy doesn't even notice
>REEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE
>jump onto her and start hitting her in her tummy and num nums
>she wakes up with a look of pure terror, and gags from the stench of vomit, shit and orange juice
>YOU BURN MY TENDIESSSSSSSSSSSSS
>she tries to explain that she's so tired from work and not having enough money
>continue pulling on her num nums until she lifts up her top and lets me drink
>mfw I stole enough gold stars so I'll have enough GBP to buy that electric motorbike to race around the house with now
>>700474186
>muscular-skeletal indevelopment
You poor thing :(
Are you in pain often?
>Birthday last week
>Mama got me the Littlest Pet Shop cake I wanted
>Get a card from grammy
>"Enjoy your birthday, sorry I couldn't be there sweety, I hope you can use this"
>A lot of weird green paper in there
>Mamas eyes get big
>Ask her what these are
>"It's money, I use it to buy your chicken and videogames"
>"Can I trade it for good boy points?"
>"Yes you can, of course you can"
>then new daddy walks into the room
>smells like smoke and adult apple juice
>slaps mamas butt
>sees the money
>"I need this for the poker game tonight"
>Mama says no, I traded it with her
>He slaps her faces butt now
>Mama screams
>I'm sitting there eating my cake
>Ask her when dinner is ready
>She says I gotta help her
>This FUCKING NORMIE
>ASKS ME
>TO HELP HER
>ON MY OWN BIRTHDAY
>take off all my clothes and jump on the table
>Press my willy in the cake and run to mama screaming at the top of my lungs flailing my arms
>hit mama in the belly
>hear a loud oomf
>new daddy looks at me
>I look at him
>I get down on my knees and grab his crotch
>he goes back and asks me what I'm doing
>I just wanted to show him I can be mama too
>Run at him and bite him in his crotch
>even though he wore pants he dropped to the ground crying
>now everyone was crying
>my diaper has been full the whole time
>put some cake in diaper since mama isnt changing it and feed it to new daddy
>new daddy never came back after the poker game
>mama made me chicken tendies with a side of pizza that night
>she didn't even charge me any good boy points
>best 40th birthday ever
can we get female GBP greentexts?
>Select all images with food
>fucking tendies
>be me
>be 20
>be first day of high school (held back alot)
>mom drops me off
>she gets my rolling backpack full of fruit-snacks out of the trunk
>"are you sure you'll be okay here anon?"
>"yes mommy i am fucking fine"
>have one thing on my mind
>barely make it to the classroom before collapse in desk
>health class
>skinny fucking normies are staring at me
>obviously never played WoW
>next few classes breeze by
>finally lunch time
>shove my way through the line
>something smells familiar
>tendies
>holy fuck i cant waddle fast enough as the line moves forward
>lunch lady says "hi sweetie what would you like?"
>"how many good boy points do tendies cost, slut?"
>"excuse me, what did you call me? and what are good boy points?"
>ignore cumdumpster
>i grab 5 trays of tendies and waddle to the condiment station
>grab 10 containers of ranch dip
>take 3 bottles of coke and guzzle one on the way to lay down
>lay on floor
>i eat one tray of tendies and i get the urge to pee pee and poo poo
>piss in coke bottle and shit in the tendie tray
>entire lunch room is staring at me
>jaws dropped
>i fucking hate normies
>principal sprints over and yells at me
>"WHAT IN THE HELL DO YOU THINK YOU ARE DOING?"
>he leaves for help
>shove the remaining tendies in my pockets and guzzle down my cokes
>principal and football coaches return and slowly hoist me up
>it took 5 of them
>poo poo the most ever in my life all over the principals shoes
>maintenance brings a golf cart with a bed on it to drive me to the office
>parked outside because they don't want to even try to bring me inside
>obviously normie principal tells me how disgusting i am
>i'm expelled from school and he calls my mom
>mom shows up furious and takes me home
>in the car she tells me
>"anon, I am taking away 500 GBP"
>"but i only have 100 right now you dumb whore"
>"so now you have -400 GBP"
>fucking cunt
>we get home and she sends me to my room
>mfw more tendies in my pocket than i could have gotten in one week
>great success
>be watching nemo in my room while my mom makes diner
>yummy yummy i hope the diner will please my tummy
>i go downstairs to check on mummy in the kitchen to see if she's not calling a psychiatrist or anything naughty like that
>she's not. she's making diner like the good mummy she is
>i walk on all fours towards the dish to see what sweet yummy food she made for her good boy
>it's braised vegetables
>braised fucking vegetables
>I rise and look down at my mom from my 6'5" height
>i start to chant
>MUMMY MUMMY YOUVE BEEN NAUGHTY LITTLE LADDIE HAVE TO PUNISH YOU MUMMY
>she quietly starts sobbing, knowing exactly what will ensue
>i pin her down to the floor with all my 360 lbs might, an exquisite wonder starts to form in my undies, like a rare bird
>i take the magical present and shove it right up her ass
>immediately she starts vomiting
>PLEASE ANON PLEASE STOP NO
>Another flow of brown mystery finds its way in her mouth
>sshhhhh mummy you know i do this for your own good
>eventually she stops fighting back, she just lays there motionless
>i wake up and take out frozen tendies from the freezer
>since i don't know how to use the microwave, i eat them raw
>while i'm concentrated on something else, mummy wakes up and runs upstairs, screaming like dementia
>i know she is sad, but i have to be firm if i want to teach her how to be a good mummy
>today was a good day
>>700482486
*sigh* Just leave
>25 years old
>in Mcdonalds for their My Little Pony toy promotion
>get mom to order me ten Happy Meals all with girl toys
>she looks at the ground and sheepishly says "But anon, you're getting a little heavy. Maybe you should only have 6 Happy Meals."
>stand on her feet and refuse to move until she complies with my order
>she cannot move and almost falls as she tries to pull her feet out from under mine
>the bitch begins to cry as she realizes I have trapped her, checkmate whore
>she quietly agrees that big boys need 10 Happy Meals and she goes to pay for the food
>while she is ordering I get on my hands and knees, she hands the packages of food to me
>I grab the bags with my mouth and begin walking on all fours to the play area
>I slowly crawl up the slide, barely fitting whilst letting out enormous amounts of gas
>once I'm inside the main play area my flatulence has become to over powering that it even brought a tear to my eye
>the children playing inside begin to run out, complaining of the putrid smell
>I yell "get out normie scum! I claim this as the beta uprising headquarters!"
>I sit in the center of the play gym and begin to have a picnic with my happy meals
>I give each pony a bit of cheeseburger
>I'm setting up an awesome play story with my ponies when my bitch mom and the mcdonalds manager come into the play area
>"Sir we have been getting complaints about an adult in the play area. You must be under 8 years old to use it."
>tell him to fuck off
>mcdonalds employees begin entering the play structure
>my mom is yelling that she can reason with me but I don't negotiate with normalfags
>push my back against the wall and start kicking them as they come towards me
>all of the weight of the normie invasion plus my 300lb-self breaks the play structure
>I fall through to the ball pit, the entire structure collapses
>as the normies try to save a girl trapped under the structure, we escape
>mom begins crying in the van
>make her stop at Dairy Queen for dessert
>>700484097
>funny-happy milk
I'm dying, thank you anon
>in my room browsing /b/ and deviantart
>mom comes in
>"anon, we're having company round later, could you please shower"
>remind her to call me shadow killer and tell her that water burns my skin (the only liquid I can touch is mountain dew)
>"o..okay shadow killer"
>throw a piss bottle at her to frighten her into never forgetting again
>5pm now
>ask my whore mom where my chicken nuggets are
>there are people here
>"everyone this is anon" says my stupid dad
>scream at him that my name is fucking shadow killer
>everyone looks tense
>"hey anon, what are you into?"
>tell them that I like hentai, mlp and 4chan
>"what's 4chan anon?"
>that's it
>attack him with my blazing shadow technique while shouting that my name's shadow killer
>he dodges and I fall into the wall,smashing through because of my weight
>use my spell attack "mortem omnibus normies"
>"what's a normie?"
>grab the shitjug I was concealing under my trench coat
>smash it over the stupid cunts head
>shit's everywhere
>remember about my chicken nuggets
>hurl myself at my bitch mom
>screaming CHICKEN NUGGETS!!!
>she's crying
>grab her by the hair and drag her into the kitchen
>say get to work bitch
>"anon, you're 28, can't you make your own chicken nuggets?"
>smash her head against the oven while screaming DARKNESS PILEDRIVE
>there's a loud snap
>go back upstairs
>check deviantart messages
>can hear ambulance sirens outside
Normie bitch rekt.
>>700482486
Have to agree, in the UK adults still get welfare when they live with their parents even though they wont be paying for anything... when i got my flat i'd saved about 1000GBP (great british pounds thankfully in this context) because i'd been homeless at 16 and when my mum let me back home instead of me going to a hostel nobody at welfare did any checking, back then under labour government i got an extra 30 a week for going college as well, was below working class but going out every weekend going to gigs and buying clothes constantly as well.
It's annoying when you get your own place and have to survive on the same £56 per week somebody who lives at home gets for no reason.
>2 AM
>really fucking want some Lunchables
>wake up my stupid bitch of a mother and tell her to go to Kroger and buy me some
>"Anon, it's 2 AM and I have work in the morning, I'll get you some after work tomorrow."
>start slamming my head against the wall while screaming LUNCHABLES so the neighbors wake up
>"Anon, go the fuck to bed or I'll call the police."
>tell her if she calls the police I'll kill myself
>finally the bitch gets in the car and leaves
>takes her 45 minutes to get them
>look in the bag and see she got the Lunchables with Reese's instead of Skittles just to spite me
>thiswillnotstand.jpg
>fetch the machete from dad's old toolshed that's gone unused ever since he left
>corner mummy
>"You think this is fucking funny you fucking know I hate Reese's you stupid BITCH"
>she begins sobbing and farting uncontrollably out of fear
>open up her mother's urn and pour her ashes into one of my piss bottle and start chugging it infront of her
>she faints at the sight of this
>she oversleeps and is fired for being late
>stupid bitch know not to fuck with me now
fucking normies
>11pm, i'm in bed
>wake up with a hankering for tendies
>sneak downstairs even though it's past my bedtime
>see mummy and new daddy watching something on Cinemax
>be extra sneaky as i go past to the kitchen
>pull big box of tendies from freezer
>ham-handedly drop it and it makes a loud *THUNK*
>mummy hears it and thinks I'm a burglar
>new daddy rushes out of the room to investigate
>he runs into the kitchen and i shit and piss everywhere in fear
>he gets angry and starts yelling at mummy
>'why the fuck do we have to live with this fucking autistic creep! he's an adult for fuck's sake!'
>things get heated and he hits mummy
>big mistake
>pick up a fistfull of the shit and throw it in new daddy's face
>quickly jump on him, throw him to the ground, then sit on his face with my ample 340lb frame
>sit there for a while, new daddy stops moving
>command mummy to make me tendies
>she does
>now new daddy needs a special chair he controls with his mouth to get around
>he grimaces every time i walk past
>mummy makes me tendies every day, no quibbles
>>700490250
>disrupting intimate Skinemax time
Your stepdad was right to be upset.
THIS THREAD MUSTN'T 404! NOT NOW!
>Select all images with salad
>REEEEEEE...
>>700489899
that one damaged me
>3 o clock in the morning
>get hungry for chicken nuggets
>go into mummies room
>she is playing wrestling with new daddy
>I don't like new daddy
>they are playing under the sheets
>they don't see me enter the room
>I remove my clothes
>I squat beside the bed
>as I squeeze, I let out several grunts and moans
>mummy and new daddy are also grunting and moaning
>squeezing hard, I feel my sphincter throb and pulse
>double double toil and trouble something wicked this way comes
>the brown goodness pours forth from my anus and veers in a sweeping motion slightly to the left and touches the ground
>my sphincter closes off, like a valve, sealing my back passage shut
>I behold my work
>a solid mass of brown goodness
>I am proud
>mummy and new daddy have stopped wrestling
>new daddy says "um...d-do you smell something?"
>mummy pleads "oh god....oh god please not again"
>mummy is well learned in the ways of brown goodness
>but new daddy still must learn
>he is about to
>throwing back the sheets
>mummy and new daddy look upon my work and despair
>new daddy retches at the sight of me standing, now with brown goodness in hand
>new daddy screams "is th-that fucking real?!?! I-is that fucking shit??!?!?!
>mummy buries her face in her hands in shame
>she knows what is coming
>I lean on top of new daddy
>he tries to struggle free
>I'm 350 lbs of pure blubber
>he's going nowhere
>his arms are pinned beneath my might
>I take my brown goodness and paint new daddy's face
>I make him a brown man
>a brown chocolate man with my brown chocolate goodness
>he shakes violently and vomits several times
>I struggle to keep him still
>mummy is sobbing by the bedside
>her days of trying to reason with me are gone
>she has given up all hope
>she is broken
>after I am finished my work, new daddy is covered in my brown goodness and chunks of his own vomit, tears streaming down his face
>after daddy is done gagging, I lean in close
>I whisper "can you take me to mcdonalds to get some chicken nuggets?"
>wake up to my room full of piss jugs and shit bottles
>first thing I do in the morning is check my gbp
>saved up enough good boy points to buy a steam card
>crawl out of my battlestar galactica blanket (I got it from Santa instead of coal for being a good boy)
>rip off page of my gbp chart and hobble downstairs
>mummy cooking me a breakfast of tendies
>"mummy mummy! I saved up enough good boy points to get a steam card!"
>"let me see that my special little boy. You've been so good these past few weeks! Here are your chicken tenders."
>fucking normie cunt, who calls them chicken tenders
>eat my mountain of tendies then get into the car
>mummy starts to drive
>suddenly get motion sick
>"mummy I don't feel very good"
>puke all over the back of her car, chunks of tendie everywhere
>oh my god! -10 gbp. We are going back to the house now
>what the fuck you stupid bitch I was good all month for that steam card
>was going to buy Sakura angels with it
>get back to the house
>enact plan of revenge
>mummy goes to sleep
>pick up shit jugs with caution, pull out mummy's space heater and place the shit jugs with it next to her bed
>20 min later
>shit bottles explode
>mummy gets plastic shard in her eye
>has to go to the hospital
>fucking normie bitch that's what you get for taking away my gbp
>be a little NEET mommasboi
>wake up to another sing-songy sunshiney funday
>have a hankering for some tendies somethin' fierce!
>get out of my racecar bed and I have roll down the stairs because of my muscular-skeletal development issues
>use the various holes I punched into the wall from prior "incidents" as grips as I bounce down the stairs
>mumsy wumsy on the couch, her skin is white and cold
>i scream in her face to wake her up like I usually do
>she doesn't answer, how rude! But I notice a tiny orange tube
>that silly billy must have had a sugar crash from all of that white candy! Daddy tried to give me some before he mummy made him leave, and he was so generous, he told me I could eat an entire tube of it!
>oh well, a Good Boy's work is never done!
>decide to go out into the world
>saddle up on my Barbie (best waifu obvs) bicycle with a TMNT helmet, unstrapped to impress the females of course
>makinmywaydowntown.tndi
>weave in and out of a crowd of people on the sidewalk, they're getting angry, as if they expect me to ride on the street! But I just ignore them and I merrily hum the Bear in the Big Blue House
>but I slip on a large crack (hahaha) and I fall, helmet rolling away
>i'm lying on the sweltering pavement, it must be at least 63 degrees! It hurts so much that I begin flailing my curvaceous body around and screaming for tendies, but also for help
>I soil my pants and curl up on the sidewalk, sleeping peacefully
>I wake up in a padded room, a man in a white coat is asking me questions I don't care about, but I get free tendies whenever I want! He didn't even take my phone I hid in my undies away
Here I am eating with only my mouth like a king and nice and comfy in my blanket cocoon shirt
MFW
>mumma took me to the local card store after reluctantly cashing in a gbp-coupon
>be brooding in a corner when I see a hot gril in the store, she's shopping for MTG cards!
>suddenly my third chin begins wobbling with excitement
>i waddle happily over to her, she looks stunned, obviously by my custom-ordered 7XL Metallica shirt
>i tip my fedora to her "m-m-m-m-m'l-lady" I'm shaking violently, I know 3d waifus are for normalshits, but after losing my waifu as a punishment for the incident at Legoland, a Good Boy will take whatever he gets
>"who are you..?"
>"I n-noticed you have MTG cards"
>"I'm buying them for my brother..."
>WHAT
>this FUCKING WHOREBAG has the GALL to parade her goods around MY SANCTUARY under the guise of buying MTG cards?!
>i decide to teach her a little lesson
>"play me."
>"what?"
>"there's the table. Play me."
>"I..."
>I pull out my special gray water pistol that I found under old daddy's pillow, I get whatever I want when I point it at mummy and this slut is no exception
>she obviously aquiesces and after a glorious festival of her own failures I'm sitting smugly at the other end
>I tip my fedora one more time with newfound vigor "psssh...nothin... personnel kid"
>suddenly wagechad behind the counter tells me that the cops are on their way for use of a "deadly weapon"
>ohshit.jpg
>in one fluid movement I pick up the girl and burst out the doors
>I need to stop to take a breather as soon as I make my way out and suddenly I'm being shockied! The popo peepees are here
>I begin flailing my curvaceous body on the ground on top of the girl demanding nuggies through my tears and mama jama is begging the mean police man to be lenient
>I had to spend the night in holding for the "attempted kidnapping of a minor" but I got let out because I was "special" (damn right I am)
>mum says she's taking away my PC when we get home
>doesn't matter, taught a bitch a lesson, today was a good day
>>700484097
>i wonder when she'll wake up
Anon, I... I think your mother is dead.
>be me
>27
>live at home with mom
>she has a party and invites our friends and families
>big pot luck but all I want is chicken tendies
>go to freezer pull out tendies
>throw some in the microwave
>come out of the kitchen with my chicken tendies and mustard
>everyone looks at me as I go back to my fap fortress
>mom comes in and tells me, "Anon, will you please be social for our family and friends? Please do it for me!"
>Go back to the living room
>"so anon I hear you like those chinese cartoons like the dragon ballsy and naroootoe?"
>starting to get pissed
>giggle and just say yeah
>then some faggot pulls out a Macbook Air to show off his faggot families vacation
>rage ensues
>run to my room screaming "REEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE"
>grab piss bottle
>throw it at macfag
>hits him everyone goes silent
>Then I scream "Filthy fucking casual!"
>Apple is for fags
>mom grabs me
>Back hand her
>faggot white knight steps in and tells me to calm down
>start to scream and helicopter
>shit my self in the process
>everyone pulls out their iPhones to take a video
>more rage
>run back into room and grab my wooden katana
>here them talking and asking what they should do
>run out and chop at the macbook asshole
>the guy tries to tackle me but my ninjitsu skills are second to none
>he trips and bust his head open on the coffee table
>everyone runs out
>someone calls the cops
>go hid in my room
>clutch my Rei body-pillow and pray to my framed picture of Gabe Newell above my bed
>set up trap using my jizz bottles
>cops knock on door and tell me to open up
>They bust in
>first cop gets a bucket of jizz I proped over my door
>second one trips over my fleshlight
>cops throw me to the ground and hand cuff me
>mom's crying
>go to jail
>missing warm tendies and comfy animes
>at new daddy's country cabin for the weekend while the house is fumigated
>him and mummy go out for the day, leave me in my race car bed that mummy carried all the way here on the bus because she can't afford gas any more
>noon rolls around, get hungry
>get out of bed, unlock the baby gate they set up (she doesn't know I know how, dumb bitch) and go into the kitchen/hall area in search of din dins
>NO FUCKING TENDIES
>just spam and jerky and soup in the cupboards and frozen deer in the freezer
>pile all the spam cans up and go pee pee on them to show what I think of this
>fucking normies don't have the first clue about nutrition, this is a fucking outrage
>go into new daddy's bedroom, maybe he keeps an emergency stash of tendies hidden like I do
>look under his bed
>nothing there but a load of magazines with pictures of ladies wearing no clothes and some men too
>there fucking MUST be tendies nearby because the magazines are covered in ranch
>notice a shoebox a little further back
>grab it and bring it out, it's heavy. These must be his tendies, quite a few of them too
>open it
>it's a gun
>looks like a Glock 17, I can tell from extensive experience in Counter-Strike
>take it out and pretend I'm in Wanted, making the bullet curve around the doorway and hitting Chad on the other side
>"HAHA FUCK YOU CHAD YOU SHIT I BET YOU REGRET THOSE WEDGIES NOW-"
>suddenly there's a loud crash in the hall and a man's voice shouting
>fill my diaper and start shaking
>the gun goes off, I go deaf and drop it
>crawl under the bed and squeeze my eyes shut
>work up the courage to check things out after a few minutes
>peak around kitchen corner
>new daddy is lying in a pile of spam cans, ouchie-juice leaking from his abdomen
>mummy is crying over him and on the phone to the police
this is going to cost some hefty GBP
>wake up at noon
>tum tum wants num num
>top off piss jug and stumble outside my room
>hsss the sun is too bright
>close door and begin punching my wall
>MOMMMY TUM TUM WANTS NUM NUM
>MOM MOM MOM MOM
>she yells and tells me to calm down
>hiss at her through wall
>TENDIES MOMMY, GIVE ME SWEET CRUNCHY TENDIES
>tell me to do it myself
>get mad and fling my door open
>wildly flailing arms and screaming
>NO MOMMY, I NEED TENDIES NOW
>mommy walks away and tells me she's calling daddy to deal with me
>UH OH daddy is gonna hurt me
>rush to room and open the floor board and hide in the crawl space
>daddy comes home and starts yelling at me
>HSSSSSSSSSSSSSS TENDIES, MOMMY WONT MAKE THEM
>tries to get down but he has bad knee
>ANON GET THE FUCK OUT
>HISSSSSS TENDIES
>dad walks away
>i stay down in the filthy dirty covered crawl space for three hours
>mommy eventually brings me a plate of warm crunchy tendies with my favorite dipping sauce
>tfw this is the bullshit i have to put up with
>>700494023
I'm sure you can do a few chores to make up for it. It was their fault for not having the dang tendies that started the whole mess.
>>700460608
that wasn't a nice thing to do op. don't do it again.
>finally give in to mummy's demands and take a trip to the store
>in Walmart, browsing tendies
>comparing two brands while singing the tendies song under my breath
>"tendies tendies ten-dies, 'til the hunger end-ies"
>start tapping my foot
>"ten-dies ten-dies ten-dies, don't share them with your friend-ies"
>start dancing in the aisle
>sing at the top of my voice
>"OH TENDIES TENDIES TEN-DIES, GOTTA LOVE THEM TEN-DIES"
>security approaches me and asks me to leave because I'm scaring people
>I keep singing and dancing, pretending they're not there
>rip open a bag of tendies and start scattering them in the air like confetti as I bop down the aisle
>one hits a small child in the eye, it starts mewling
>the mother comes over and starts yelling at me
>can't hear you, bitch
>and then she fucking slaps me
>she SLAPS. ME.
>YOU DO NOT FUCKING TOUCH ANON GOODBOY UNLESS YOU ARE FEEDING HIM, CHANGING HIM OR TUCKING HIM IN
>give her a hard shove
>she falls on her bum
>grab a handful of frozen tendies and force feed them to her while singing at the top of my voice
>security guard tries to tase me
>the prongs bounce off my armoured trenchcoat
>slowly turn to face him with what I think is a triumphant grin
>he's holding a little canister
>starts spraying it in my face
>hah, good luck getting that pepper spray past these shades fucko
>start laughing and breathe some of it in accidentally
>OH FUCK THIS SHIT BURNS LIKE THE SPICIEST MEMES
>lash out, hit him in the head and he falls over
>scratching at my throat, can barely breathe
>nose is gushing snot
>swallow some and start puking
>slip on my puke and fall on the floor
>start punching myself in the head and kicking the floor while screaming
>manage to shout "FUCKING NORMIES WHAT DID YOU DO TO ME" in between bouts of retching
>police arrive and cuff me
>fall asleep in the police car and wake up chained to bed with a note reading "Anon, I'm deducting 1000 GBP for your frankly disgusting behaviour"
>mfw I still have 9863 GBP left over
>Be NEET
>Parents are wagecucks, tell them how pathetic they are at dinner every night
>One day wake up, 6:30
>Nobody woke me up for dinner at 6:00
>Run down the steps, screeching at my parents for trying to let me starve
>No answer
>Hmmm
>Go into parents room
>See them both dead, holding hands, a gun in each of their off hands and a bullet wound through both of their heads
>Note between them
>"Dear anon, we are sorry, but we cannot stand this type of existence anymore. We both love you very much, but our lives simply aren't worth living if they're going to be like this. We left you chicken tenders and bagel bites in the freezer, and instructions on how to reheat them. We're so sorry honey bunches. Please, please forgive us, and be okay. Love, mom and pop."
>mfw my parents became an hero because they couldn't stand being wagecuck's anymore
>Start to panic, know that Jewman will make me leave the house if they find out my parents are dead
>Hide their bodies under the mattress, eat the tendies that they left me (ignore shitty bagel bites)
>they left me enough power and internet to last a while, play Smite & Runescape for a few weeks
>Eventually run out of tendies
>Go to the bites
>Almost out of those when I hear a knock at the door
>It's Mr. Shekelsteens wagecuck HR Person
>Parents are both high up in their company, when they wouldn't answer their phone for such a long time, Mr. Shekelsteen sent this asshole to check on them
>Tell him they went on vacation in Wagekuktopia
>He doesn't believe me, starts to get panicked because he smells "carrion"
>Runs up to my parents bed and finds them
>I get charged for murder even though I didn't do it
>Court case lasts 17 months, spend most of my time in lock up because I can't afford bail, not after they stopped giving me my NEETbux
>I am found not guilty, but they also find that I am "Mentally unfit"
>They give me triple the NEETbux parents used to give me
>I get to keep their house and eat tendies like a king for my entire life
>>700487876
>>she didn't even charge me any good boy points
Well yeah, it's your birthday, you get it for free.
>sitting in room
>finish plate of tendies mummy made just for me
>hmm, I want some more!
>decide to play a prank on mummy (might cost some gbp, but fun is fun)
>rig one of my pee pee bottles to pour on whoever opens my door
>position my wittle bottom towards the door as well and pull down my diaper
>bang my steel drum to get her attention (at 30 gbp I simply had to!)
>MUMMY MUMMY, I WAS HUNGRY, NOW I'M FULL SO RUB MY TUMMY!
>Hear mummy coming
>A grin grows across my face as she draws near, my eyes crinkle and a "teehee!" slips out
>Mummy enters the room
>my pee pee pours in a steady stream on her head
>At the same time I begin blasting her with my nasty poo poo, coating her in a thick baby waby green layer!
>heehee! messy mummy messy mummy I say rhymically as she is covered in my nasty
>She doesn't say a word as my prank plays out
>finish my poo, turn and sit bare bottomed on the floor, leaving a wittle poopy stain
>mummy, did you wike my joke? ga ga goo goo!
>I begin giggling and drooling while slapping my wittle feetsies together as applause
>She does say anything
>Mummy, waugh at my wittle joke!
>I can see tears running through my pee pee and poo poo on her face
>Mummy, you don't want to upset your perfect wittle boy do you?
>She is still fighting
>My eyes sharpen and I drop my voice do a gravely, gutteral tone
>Listen you normie cunt, laugh at your sons prank or I'll kill you and kill myself, I'll drag you into the bath and slit your wrists while I fuck your fat whore ass
>Punch her in the face for good measure, hard enough to leave a black eye
>Mummy sees reason and lets out a chuckle
>heehee! I think that deserves 20 gbp for being such a funny and creative prank, don't you mummy!?
>She does a sort of weird nod and walks out of my playpen
Good Boy Points is too easy to get, even when being a naughty boy! She even took me out for more tendies that day, at no cost!
>at mcdonalds, trying to get a qtr pounder and some fries for lunch
>fat visibly autistic man comes waddling in
>look over to see what happy meal toys are on offer
>ohfuck.jpg
>its MLP toys this month
>"GLARGHHH ONE HAPPY MEAL"
>cashier lady is visibly shaken
>"h..here you go"
>"I WANTED PINKIE PIE, NOT RAINBOW DASH"
>the cashier quickly exchanges the toys
>the man then starts taking off his pants, and is violently fucking the small horse toy in plain view of everyone in the mcdonalds
>small children are crying and a man vomits heartily in the back
>"HNNNG"
>he cums with a vigor ive seen only in the most hardcore of hentai
>"ughhh, thank you" he says as he pays the cashier
>he then leaves, taking the cum encrusted pony toy with him
>MFW i have to wait there 20 min for a police interview about the man
>MFW hes not been caught, and is presumably out there fucking more pastel horse toys as we speak.
>>700465271
???
ITT: fucking retards overreact to shitty homemade greentext
>not purchasing your greentexts factory made
>2016
>be my 22nd birthday
>ride my bike to the corner store (got a DUI)
>mommy didnt gave me birthday money
>take a box of beers and try to leave
>"sir did you paid for that?" "no"
>explain that its my birthday today
>he tries to take my box and i struggle
>spit spit spit in his face three times
>he let go and i run to my bike
>police comes when i'm riding home
>angry explain that HE attack me
>they want to arrest me on my birthday
>take me to jail and call mommy
>she comes and pays the man for me
>sad becose now she cant go on her cruise
>should have jus gave me the money
theres no WAY im NOT drinking dizzy potions
on MY birth day!
>be me
>be in mummy wummy's attic
>hear mummy and new daddy making the Forrest Gump sounds
>decide it's time to cash in GBP cache
>503 GBP
>this means soooooo many tendies
>Swing open mummy's door and see new daddy pumping cucumber in mummy
>"mummy i need tendie-wendies!"
>"fuk off m8" screechies new daddy as he spews mayonaise
>begin to cry
>run to attic
>spirit broken
>get on tumblr and read about self harm
>time to show mummy how much i love the tendies
>take katana and begin James Franco-ing my limbs ie 127 hrs
>ketchup & bbq all over
>bread myself in pee pee jars and baby powder
>roll to mummy's door
>mfw she's at the door crying
>mfw im human tendie
>wake up in my crib
>stretch out, my legs can barely fit between the bars
>as I move, I feel my poopoo sloshing around my diapers
>hmm, mommy seems to have forgotten to change me today
>my tummy rumbles
>look at clock besides GBP chart, 4:54 PM, almost time for my brekky
>I stand up in the crib and yell "RUMBLY-RUMBLY IN MY TUMMY, GIMME CHICKIE TENDIES MUMMY"
>no response
>mommy doesn't even care that her precious boy is hungies
>contemplate breaking my crib again, but I'm in a good mood since she since she gave me extra chickies yesterday at no GBP cost
>yell again, still no response
>keep yelling for about an hour until my throat starts to hurt
>struggle to move my portly frame out of the crib
>waddle downstairs, chanting "CRISPY OUTSIDE, SOFT INSIDE, MOMMY MOMMY WHERE'D YOU HIDE" with each step
>I can see mommy's shadow, she's in front of the telly sleeping
>sit on her lap, my poo poo leaks on her under my weight
>STILL no response
>this has gone too far
>start shaking her
>"TEN-DIES, TEN-DIES, TEN-DIES, CHICKIE-CHICKIE TEEEN-DIIIEEEES"
>amazing, she still hasn't woken up, the absolute NERVE of her
>notice she's holding a yellow tube, grab it
>it has small pieces of candy in it, but it's half empty
>selfish cunt doesn't even care that I'm a growing boy and need my sugar
>"be forewarned, mummy... this may suffice for now, but I expect tendies for din-din"
>lift tube and swallow all the remaining candy
>fall fast asleeps just like mummy
>be me
>slowly building up gbp to spend on sweet tenders
>mommy says if i get 300 gbp i can get tendies and a new game
>be good all week throw poop and pee jugs away, help mommy clean dishes
>decide i want tendies now and i don't want to wait for mommy to give me the gbp i need
>get two hidden poo jugs i had saved just inscase mommy is being a bitch
>go to kitchen with poop jugs and demand mommy make tendies and buy me rayman legends for ps4
> mommy says i can't because i don't have enough gbp so i grab the poop jugs and ask her if she is sure about that
>she sees poop jugs and knows that I'm not playing so she quickly makes me my tendies
>finish eating my lovely tendies and tell mommy its time to go get the game from the game store
>grab my nicest fedora and cape since i might see a m'lady
>get to game story and see 7/10 qt 3.14
>tip fedora to girl
>ask girl if she wants to come play rayman with me and eat tendies
>she does mommy gives me 20 gbp for talking to a girl
>go home play rayman and eat more tendies with qt 3.14
>girl sees hidden poop jugs while were playing game and she screams "anon why do you have a milk jug full of shit"
>tell her "where am i supposed to go poo poo if i don't have shit jug?"
>girl leaves and mommy won't buy me more tendies
what do?
>Up in the wee hours of Thursday morning
>been masturbating to Sailor Moon Crystal
>finish up and get the munchies
>Wake up mom at 3am
>Tell her i'm hungry for chicken mcnuggets and to go buy some now
>Says she has wake up early for work tomorrow (dumbass that's today) and she'll pick some up on the way home
>Fuck that
>Place subwoofer speakers against the wall facing parents room and blast https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zPRF1gXh5VY
>She knocks my room door for 5 minutes meekly asking me to turn it off but I kick back and scream CHICKEN MCNUGGETS every time
>Finally she stops and gets in her car and comes back 40 minutes later with my mcnuggets
>Double 50 piece with extra dipping sauce plus an M&M McFlurry to wash it down with
>Furiously gobble the entire thing in four minutes
>Crash for 12-hours
>Wake up just intime to see mum home from work
>She's exhausted as hell but brought me the same order without asking just to make sure I don't wake her again
>I do anyway
Kek fucking normalfags
>be me
>super late, like 7:30 PM
>watching Mary Moo Cow, rubbing my special area
>feel that familiar rumblies in my tumblies
>RREEEEEEEEEEEEEE!
>mommy walks in
>"mummy, your special boy needs tendies"
>stupid bitch "thats wonderful honey, why don't you go down to the Sugar Bowl and get some with Buster and Francine"
>Buster and Francine, AKA Chad and Stacey
>Buster doesn't realize the only real joke is religion
>Francine doesn't know that the blade is the only discipline worth learning
>"No mummy, I can't go to the Sug-"
>bitch sister walks in
>SHES EATING MY TENDIES
>>700480766
>not knowing who tara strong is
fucking autist lmao
>>700498529
I hope you gave that bitch sister what for
>enjoying my yummy tummy tendies and masturbating to super princess peach
>typical monday night
>suddenly notice its almost 2:30 am
>icarly reruns at 2:30 am
>there is an astonishing lack of icarly and or tvs in my lair
>call my poopnosed mommy
>she doesn't come in
>wait for a patient 5 seconds minimum
>call again
>no answer, the bitch is still sleeping
>she has no idea who she's dealing with
>hit my head against the wall and start screaming
>i can see her wake up from acoss the hall
>threaten to kill myself again
>finally she comes in
>it's about time
>says some shit about bothering the whole apartment complex and how she has to go to work tomorrow
>doesn't realize i don't care
>tell her to get the tv in here
>"anon, you already have 3 tvs sweetie"
>"no mommy, i want the new tv in here"
>she sighs and tells me to get up and go to the living room myself if i want to watch it
>sheathe my katana
>politely explain that i have 1 tv for each show i watch and none of the tvs are made for icarly
>stupid cunt doesn't understand that watching another show on the wrong tv completes imbalance
>whore didn't learn that that's the reason why i set fire to the last apartment
>"fine, but only if you clean up your poopoo jugs while im gone"
>that fucking cunt telling me what to do
>while the bitch is gone empty the shit-jugs onto her bed as punishment
>come back
>she's still struggling to get the damn thing in here
>take another poopoo on the ground to pass the time and show her who's boss
>the staggering wench comes in here
>slips on the poopoo
>tv falls on her head
>she stops moving
>blood comes from behind
>dont care, tv's in my room
>plug it in
>realize ill have to watch the tv from top-down because stupid whore is trapped underneath
>dont care, it's pretty funny
>turn on tv.
>buzz-lightyear of star command comes on
>look at the clock
>it's 2:30 pm
>PM
>Take another shit on my mom for making me fuck up again
>>700461154
welcome to 4chan you utter newfag nigger
>>700460608
>highschool friend who I haven't spoken to in 17 years.
How old are you OP?
>be me this spring
>mummy told me getting into good college would earn me 10000 gbp
>mfw think of all the tendies
>score 2350 on SAT, take ten AP classes
>accepted to Rice and Northwestern for premed
>One night I unlock mummy's phone and check her messages
>See conversation with Chad boyfriend
>"Anon has matured so much now that he's leaving, maybe he'll even find a smart gf too"
>That bitch thinks she can slip out of my life that easy
>I'll show her
>Visit both colleges, ask to speak to admissions officers
>Tell them my mother is very ill and that I'll have to rescind my applications to take care of her
>They understand and tell me what a hero I am
>Bonus boob hug from hot admissions lady
>Later at home mummy receives two handwritten letters from both school presidents
>Tell her how courageous I am to turn down my applications to stay at home for her
>she looks at me, hope draining from her eyes
>I sit there, sucking the grease from my tendies
>mfw she realizes I'll be mummy's special boy forever
>>700499050
>How old are you OP?
Given that people generally leave high school when they're 18 it would safe to estimate that OP is in his mid-30s.
>4am last monday
>I have wandered out of my bedroom to the kitchen
>had specifically asked mom to buy me a cherry pie for this night
>I look through the fridge and then it catches my eye, a beautiful pie with a note that says "For anon <3" on it
>pure ecstasy flows through my body as I get my special fork and take the first bite
>the rancid taste of strawberry fills my mouth
>I gag, almost choking
>I don't mind strawberry normally but I specifically asked for cherry and did not expect this
>I never asked for this
>the pie basically raped my mouth
>with all my strength I smack the pie and make it fly across the kitchen
>I begin throwing all of the food out of the fridge in a fit of rage until mom comes down
>run up to my room and push her over yelling "you're a strawberry cunt!"
>she falls on my drum set I put in the living room and begins crying
>I run upstairs and shove my head under the sheets until I fall asleep
>the night after, go downstairs to rummage for food and there is an assortment of pies in the fridge
>mom flinches when I walk by her now
>friday night 1 am
>eating tendies with my favorite spicy sauce
>out of tangy mountain dew coolant
>my worst fear has been realized
>only a delicious mint ice cream sandwich can quench this heat
>head down to basement
>the refrigerator has a lock on it
>fucking cunts
>*cocks fedora* THIS WILL NOW STAND
>run upstairs to parents bedroom
>wake that stupid cunt up and ask her why the refrigerator has a fucking lock on it
>she tells me the doctor says that being this "overweight" in my early thirties is really bad or something
>i cut the bitch off right there and demand she open it
>she refuses, denying my basic human rights
>well if you want to play it that way
>head into my sisters room and find her little bastard baby is in its little bastard crib
>take a dump right next to the baby, and write "enjoy your monday normies" on the wall
>next morning
>baby has to go to the hospital because of an eye infection
>may be permanently blind in its eye
so do you think they enjoyed their friday?
>>700499268
Lol then
>ever since the GBP inflation I've been a little short on cashies
>need more and I need it fast!
>suddenly I get a brainwave
>i slam my body against my mummy's bedroom door, it flies open and I do a gangsta walk in but I'm quickly winded, my cleanest cargo shorts pulled to my knees, my Hannah Montana night shirt tucked into my undies, and my best fedora worn backwards and tilted on my head (something I kissed it for beforehand as a preemptive apology)
>"ay baby wassup, it's yo boy Tendie Fresh in da houuuuse"
>ever since that jungle noise they call (c)rap music has become popular again after years of being rightfully hated by any civilized member of society, I decided to join the fad and become a rapper too
>she sighs "anon please go back to sleep. It's 3 AM and I have to get ready for work in a few hours"
>"ay ay ay hoe, don't diss me, I'm here to give yo ass a concert," I feel like I'm doing very well at emulating a black person despite not having any experience being around one, "I call dis single 'Poopoo in da streetz,' I wrote it while I was in a very dark place"
>she massages her temples and sighs again
>i give her the best performance ever, it's a masterpiece of dancing, lyrics, and vocal music. I feel like it's worth a hefty reward of GBP
>I'm breathing heavily but I'm asking for the reward anyway
>she laughs, "you don't just walk in here, scream about hating the Jews between loud 'dun duns' that you make with your mouth and ask for points reserved for when you do something good."
>that whorebag is sitting there mocking me! Me! Her special little angel!
>i almost want to run back to my room crying and poopooing my pants out of embarrassment, but I decide to do what all black people do when their mummy's disrespect them
>i slapped her hard and she collapsed against the bed
>I take her hand and I write a coupon worth 50,000 GBP in her name with it
>I quickly waddle back to my room with it, farting frantically
>mfw I get more tendies and I'm super hip
>be me, last night
>mom tells me we're going to a family event, wants me to come
>"it will be good for you to get out of the house, anon"
>"fuck off slut" (im in the middle of minecraft building)
>she UNPLUGS MY COMPUTER, i freak out
>dad comes down and yells, mom is in tears
>im infuriated, facing the other way, but mutter obligation, feeling crafty in order to spite my normie parents
>i shower, brush teeth, and get dressed in normie clothes (jeans, sketchers, and white shirt)
>come upstairs, mom promises tendies, things start looking brighter
>we arrive, people try to greet me and say "its nice to see me"
>typical american slave families all around, i scoff to myself and acknowledge no one
>we sit down, scan through the menus
>only shit-tier food: lobster, crab, grilled chicken pastas and steak
>fuck this, ask mom wheres the tendies
>she says that they dont have any
>says I'll get tendies next week if I behave myself tonight
>the gall!
>lying bitch, i become infuriated
>i throw my menu and stand up, knock over my chair and my water glass (i had asked for mountain dew)
>"REEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE" I shout loudly in the middle of the busy restaurant
>all normies shocked, i feel a rush of adrenaline
>leap up on table
>decide to HULK THE FUCK OUT
>ANON SMASH
>try to tear apart shirt, doesnt work
>oh well
>leap down from table
>storm out of restaurant with pride
>mom and dad come out, mom is crying and dad is fuming
>mission accomplished
>silent drive home as i snicker to myself in the back seat
>now enjoying a nice sunday morning on /b/ and basking in my accomplishment.
>mfw
>Wake up this wednesday morning feeling good
>Pull the special edition Battlestar Galactica blanket off my bed
>Tie it around my neck like cape
>Step over my piss bottles and old food containers
>It's an autistic ballet as I tip toe to the spots on my floor that aren't covered in garbage
>Finally make it out into hallway
>Rush to look at Good Boy chart on the wall
>MFW only 10 more points needed for a Double Tendie Dinner!
>Run downstairs so fast my cape floats behind me
>Do a running slide onto kitchen floor to tell Mummy the good news
>Mummy just looks at me sternly
>Says to bend over so she can check my diaper first
>"You know I have to check every morning, anon."
>"Nooooo! I don't wanna!" I yell defiantly
>Tears start to well in her eyes
>She starts walking away from me
>"Wait...Ok..." I say as I lean over the table for her inspection
>Pull down my pants
>The smell of partially digested tendy shit and cheese diarrhea wafts to her nose
>She instantly vomits into the sink
>"That's minus 50 GBP!" she screams with her chin covered in puke
>I screech and rip off my diaper
>Throw it onto the dining room table as hard as I can
>Orange and brown chunks splatter everywhere
>Some gets on the ceiling
>Some gets on mummy
>She curls into a ball sobbing uncontrollably next to the sink
>Reaches up for a towel but accidentally cuts herself on a kitchen knife I left out
>She's bleeding and covered in vomit and poo while screaming how I'm a bad boy
>Quickly put on my shoes and stuff my pockets with frozen tendies
>Run to my car crying because now I'm late for class at community college
>>700495451
>dr shekelberg psychology
fucking kek
>Wake up at 8 PM after my nappy-wappy
>Remembered I've been a really good boy today
>Go to check my Good Boy Point (GBP) whiteboard
>30 GBP
>Enough to go in the playroom AND get a tendie meal with ranch dipping sauce
>Wade through my piss bottles and shit jugs to get to my door
>Waddle over to mummy's room
>"Mummy! Mummy! I've been a good boy and I want to go to the pwaywoom!"
>Mummy checks my chart and leads me to the playroom
>As she unlocks the playroom, she tells me that she'll get my tendies ready
>I quickly remind her, "Don't fowget the wanch!!"
>rush into the playroom and fall over headfirst onto the racecar mat.
>begin playing with my blocks
>One hour later
>Door opens and she has my tendies, except...
>No ranch dip
>"BITCH! WHAT DID I TELL YOU ABOUT MY TENDIES. I NEED RANCH DIPPING SAUCE TO FULLY ENJOY MY TENDIES."
>"y-you never asks for ranch, sweetums..."
>"WHY DO YOU HATE YOUR NUMBER ONE BOY!?!?"
>"WHAT DID I DO TO DESERVE SUCH AN UNGRATEFUL MOM!?"
>"d-don't worry Anon, I'll go right back down to get your ranch..."
>Throw one of my blocks at her and it hits her straight in the eye
>That's gonna leave a bruise.
>"SERVES YOU RIGHT, NORMIE BITCH! NOW GO BACK DOWN AND MAKE ME SOME MORE TENDIES!"
>Lean in close to her ear
>Shout "AND DON'T FORGET THE RANCH."
>She leaves crying
>Notice I made some wawa in my nappy.
>Mum comes back and changes me while I enjoy my ranch-dipped tendies
>She's still crying
>mfw
>Mommy, Mommy, Tendies for me!
>Didn't you know that it's my disease?
>It's not autism Mommy, it's something bigger.
>Get to the oven or the REEEEE's you will trigger.
>Don't make me come down there.
>You know what will happen.
>Someone will get hurt.
>You will drink my pee pee's and eat poo poo for dessert
>I counted and counted
>Good Boy Points, I have plenty.
>Go get me the Tendies I want.
>I'm gonna need about twenty.
>Don't try to change my nappy.
>You won't like the surprise.
>My butthole is filled
>with maggots and flies.
>I lick Ranch dressing from my fingers
>as I make my plan.
>Don't make your Good Boy leave you Mommy
>I'll go hang myself
>and wake up in Anime-land.
>Where the Tendies are free
>and never far from my hands.
>We can go to the BK.
>2AM, you must drive.
>I will certainly need a crown
>or I will leave nobody alive.
>Now take me home.
>I need to eat Tendies in peace.
>Tomorrow we start again.
>Just listen for my REEEEEEEEEEEEE's
>Mommy is crying.
>She must be so happy.
>I get more Good Boy points,
>in the drive-through I took off my nappy
>Mommy was puking, she must be so sick.
>It felt really good when I showed the BK man my dick.
>Mommy and Step-daddy are yelling and screaming.
>If this doesn't stop soon my room I will be leaving.
>They know what will happen.
>I've done it before.
>I throw all my piss-jugs all over the floor.
>Sometimes I lose GBP
>and sometimes I gain.
>Sweet, sweet Tendies
>I will taste you again.
>>700500744
>basking in my accomplishment.
What accomplishment? Why the fuck would you be proud of any of that?
>i wake up for another sing-songy sunshiney funday
>i stretch and yawn as I rip my daily wakey gas, the feeling of liquid splattering against my Magic School Bus jammies makes me proud
>i haul myself out of bed, kissing my Rei Ayanami body pillow good morning, only for my legs buckle out from under my generous frame
>oh well! I guess I'll have to be a Roly Poly from now on
>i roll over to my GBP chart and check it
>I've saved up a whole 5 GBP! That's a new record I'm SURE mummy will be proud of!
>i roll down the stairs to see what mumsy is up to this wonderful morning
>i slip and crack my nose against the stairpost
>mumma gets up shocked, "Anon are you okay?!"
>i'm bleeding from my nose and it has a weird shape, but I don't care, "mummy mummy, where's the yummy chickie tendies for my tummy?"
>"what?"
>i lift my shirt and begin slapping my tummy like a bongo "your precious little angel has saved five GBP, make some chickie tendies, and make them all for me!"
>"Anon, you know the price for a tendie meal is 20 Good Boy Points. And after the Legoland incident you should be grateful that you still have 5 left."
>i freeze. This BITCH, has the fucking GALL, to deprive me of my well deserved poultry cutlets.
>i sit up and begin slamming my feet on the floor angrily and punching my head
>"YOUR SPECIAL LITTLE BOY HAS BEEN GOOD FOR FAR TOO LONG, TENDIES NOW YOU BITCH OR I SHALL DO YOU WRONG"
>she closes her eyes, "Anon, please calm down..."
>i begin screaming and simultaneously poopooing and peepeeing my pants, but my engine has been burned out and I curl up in my own waste, peacefully sleeping
>i wake up clean and tethered to my bed, a plate of yummy tendies on my tummy with a note from mama jama saying she's sorry for being so harsh and that she's proud of me for being such a good boy
Being a bad boy has its perks, but nothing beats the satisfaction of being mummy's good little boy!
>>700461644
This thread has hurt me emotionally.
>>700460608
>>700475685
it's called an Upper Decker. next time they flush they get the shitty water from the tank. til they clean it out.
>>700486818
>Wake up at 3pm
>Have shat myself multiple times in my sleep
>Look at the clock
>Mummy finishes work at 2pm
>Oh boy Tendies day
>Go into Lounge room
>Mummy has friends over for coffee
>they notice me standing there wearing nothing and shit encrusting my lower torso
>"MUMMY TENDIES MUMMY TENDIES"
>"Anon you should go have a shower"
>"NO MUMMY TENDIES"
>One of mummy's friends look at me
>"A 28 year old man shouldn't live the way you do"
>I look this bitch in the eye, this fucking cunt who dared speak out of line
>Pick up the coffee table and swing it into her face breaking her jaw
>"REEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE TENDIES REEEEEEEEEEEEEE"
>Grab mummy's head
>Shove it into my anus
>"LICKY LOO MUMMY, LICKY LOO"
>Mummy starts crying
>"P-please anon I'll raise your GBP by 500 if you stop"
>"No mummy, you're a bad mummy for not supplying my tendies mummy you have to learn"
>"O-okay anon I'm going to have to go buy your tendies"
>Mummy and her friends leave
Fucking normies, I sure showed those bitches
This fucking thread.. i love it!
>ask mom to take me to see Pete's Dragon
>she says I only have 23 GBP and I need 30 for a movie
>tells me if I didn't spend so many points on chicken tendies I'd have 80 GBP right now
>stomp on her foot and scream in her face
>she's curls down on the floor and starts crying
>tell her to give me a chore so I can get a quick 10 GBP
>while crying she tells me to clean some dishes
>throw some cups in the sink and turn the water on full blast, splashing water everywhere
>"Can we go now?"
>she says yes
>tell her she better buy us popcorn too
>tfw I swindled mommy yet again
And you idiots still buy your tickets with real money? kek
>Watching Bear in the Big Blue House. Fapping over Shadow.
>Mombitch comes in crying and hugs me
>I swat her away with my Cheeto covered hands. She knows I hate being touched
>She just found out my cousin is dying of cancer and it made Mombitch worry that she could lose me (she might, if she doesn't stop being such a whore I'll kill myself)
>I don't care until Mombitch mentions my cousin is GETTING A FREE TRIP TO DISNEYLAND paid by a charity
>I lie down and start screeching REEEEEEE at how unfair it is.
>Tell Mombitch I want to go to Disneyland and she has to tell everyone I have cancer so they'll send me
>Stupid bitch refuses so I make her jump off the roof to raise money to bring me to Disneyland
>She raises around $800 by charging people to watch but the selfish bitch uses the money to pay for a hospital visit after breaking her legs in the jump
>I should have gone to Disneyland with that money so I write FUCK YOU BITCH in shit on the walls of her hospital room.
>Wake up at 6pm
>Pull myself to my encrusted laptop and check the date
>It's tuesday
>TENDIE TUESDAY
>Erupt from my chair and start running up the stairs from my basement
>Trip on 4 piss jugs that I never put the caps on
>Heh, normiese BTFO
>Race to the kitchen
>My tendies aren't there
>My tendies. Aren't. There.
>Suddenly moms comes in from the front door
>She looks exhausted, the old scrawny bitch
>Has the audacity to sit down without making my tendies
>Walk up to her
>"Where are my tendies mom? How am I supposed to eat?"
>She tells me she's sorry and had a long day at work but will make them soon
>At this point I've fucking had enough
>Grab her head with both hands and start vibrating her head while screaming in her ears "MY TENDIES WEREN'T THERE" over and over
>After I let her go she emotionlessly slumps back into the chair and doesn't say a word
>bitch finally knows her fucking place
>victory strut back to my room
>start getting hungry so check on her in 15 minutes
>she hasn't moved
>check in an hour
>she hasn't moved
>check in another hour
>she hasn't moved
>I'm still fucking hungry
>wake up at 5pm with tummy grumbles
>been saving up my GBP to have a real tendy feast
>shuffle as fast as I can to mommy's room
>she's sitting in her chair looking at an old album of my baby photos and crying
>I break out in my favorite song
>"TENDIES ARE MY FAVORITE TREAT! NOW IT'S TIME FOR ME TO EAT!"
>she looks up dejectedly
>"A-anon, I'm not really up for getting tendies right now. Can't we get them later?"
>can't believe what I'm hearing
>I even passed up getting Amiibos with my GBP in anticipation of this meal
>"MY INTESTINES ARE FULL AND MY ANUS IS WET! A DAY WITHOUT TENDIES IS A DAY YOU'LL REGRET!
>"Wait, anon I-"
>I can see in her eyes that she already knows her words are too late
>"TENDIES WERE MY ONE DESIRE! NOW BEHOLD MY FECAL MIRE!
>liquid ex-tendies pour from my body and start to fill the room
>mommy's screams are drowned out by the caca-phony being emitted from my rumpus
>fast forward an hour and I'm eating all the Wendy's tendies my heart could desire
The key to dealing with normie moms is making sure that they know their place
>mummy planning special tender dinner date with new daddies family
>mummy promises me 15 GBP if I wear my grown up boy clothes and don't ask any questions to new daddy's family
>arrive at restaurant but getting hungy hungy, mummy tells me to wait
>start playing my 3DS XL on full volume because restaurant is noisy but getting bored
>can see new daddies family are getting hungry too so decide to go on a quest to bring us tendies
>go to the front counter but get given a big green bottle instead
>start drinking it, tastes like the old mountain dews I found in my closet
>makes me feel kinda good, start chugging it down
>mummy tells me to stop and food will be here soon, bitch thinks she can tell me what to do
>gulp down the rest and throw the bottle to the ground
>food finally arrives
>green mush and bread, smells like day old poo poos
>feel my neck heating up, hands begin to tremble
>bitch lied to me, realize I'm not getting my tendies
>flick the plate at the wall in protest just like my old new daddy taught me to with a frisbee before he left
>start feeling dizzy, seeing two of everything
>good boy clothes aren't as comfortable as red onesie with my poo poo flap
>start pulling shirt off but slip and fall onto the table
>knock big, hot soup off the table onto new daddy's family, new daddy's family begin to shriek and scream
>normies begin to crowd around our table, mummy tries to push them away from me frantically but its too late
>REEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE
>throw up all over table and new family
>get escorted out of the restaurant by the mountain dew man
>mummy cries all the way home
>can't hear my fucking 3DS game properly and didn't get GBP
shitty shitty day and I woke up with a bad headache
>>700492872
Don't worry, they'll let you go the second they realize your mother killed herself.
>>700474186
>bakugan starts playing
You should have killed that bitch
>be drinking in my room alone watching Let's Plays at 5am
>mom comes in and starts yelling at me to get a life and blah blah
>try to shut her down but I'm drunk and not making a lot of sense
>she's getting in my face
>decide to go for a walk to get away from her
>stand up to go outside
>she blocks the door
>arms on the doorframe and everything
>i'm drunk and not thinking very right
>see her blocking the door as a challenge
>"you don't want to get in the way of an angry drunk man, mom"
>decide to walk through her and go outside
>start approaching
>she stands firm
>take a hard step and chest bump her to the ground
>she falls down, sobbing
>step over her
>go for a walk for a couple hours
>when I get home she's gone to work
I was thrown out of the house a couple months later
>>700505155
...that one actually sounds real.
Gimme gimme chicken tendies,
Be they crispy or from Wendys.
Spend my hard-earned good-boy points,
on Kid's Meal ball pit burger joints.
Mummy lifts me to the car,
To find me tendies near and far.
Enjoy my tasty tendie treats,
in comfy big boy booster seats.
McDonald's, Hardee's, Popeye's, Cane's,
But of my tendies none remains.
She tries to make me take a nappy,
But sleeping doesn't make me happy.
Tendies are the only food,
That puts me in the napping mood.
I'll scream and shout and make a fuss,
I'll scratch, I'll bite, I'll even cuss!
Tendies are my heart's desire,
Fueled by raging, hungry fire.
Mummy sobs and wails and cries,
But tears aren't tendies, nugs or fries.
My good-boy points were fairly earned,
To buy the tendies that I've yearned.
But there's no tendies on my plate!
Did mummy think that I'd just ate?
"TENDIES TENDIES GET THEM NOW,
YOU FAT, UNGRATEFUL, SLUGGISH SOW!"
I screech while hurling into her eyes,
My foul-smell bowel-dwelling diaper surprise.
For she who is un-pooped on is she who remembers:
Never forget my chicken tenders.
Tendies, tendies on my plate
Never early, never late
At twelve o'clock its lunchie time
And mommy serves them on a dime
Mommy cooks them in the oven
To show me extra special lovin
Add honey mustard sauce to this
To send me into tendie bliss
Good Boy Points are thus required
To get the tendies I desire
And if I wish to go to Wendy's
I must turn in points to get my tendies
I turn in points that I've compiled
From huggies, kissies, and not running wild
"What a good boy you've been today
Let's go to Wendy's so that I may repay"
"But you've been eating way too much chicken
You're getting a salad, no screamin or kickin"
This makes me mad, this makes me bitter
This makes me unleash the contents of my shitter
I stuff it in her mouth and punch her in the head
Until I am sure my dear mommy is dead
I steal her purse so that I can have money
To buy tendies and mustard with honey
I purchase the tendies from the nice lady
(Although these tendies are nuggies, which I find quite lazy)
And as I devour my fried chicken treats
I realize that life has never been so sweets
Baby wakes up in the morning hungry for his tendie meal
He starts shouting for his mummy, and so loudly it's unreal
"Wanna eat my chickie tendies, so please give them to me now,
And don't forget to bring the ranch, you fat, ungrateful cow"
Mummy comes in with a smile on her face
"Just a second hun", sounds like she knows her place
After just a minute comes my favorite food in bed
And I sit there eating chicken, happy baby has been fed
Mummy comes back later for my dirty dish and plate
And now I need more tendies to properly satiate
So I throw the plate at mummy and I tell her what I need
But I threw the plate so hard at her that she began to bleed
Mummy took my good boy points away
And she told me that I will be grounded for today
This is an injustice for the good boys everywhere
Time to release plan B inside of my underwear
I sit in my bed and then I have to concentrate
And release manifestation of my overwhelming hate
And when all is said and done,that is when I begin to bawl
Mummy comes back in, because she's at my beck and call
I watch her face when she smells the smell
"This is it dear mummy, this is my personal hell"
"Baby made a poo poo and needs mummy to change"
"Don't forget my good boy points, cuz I yelled out your name"
The morally of the story is that baby's always right
Gotta put mummy in place when she puts up a fight
She will try to ground you, but try as she might
When she messes with baby there is no end in sight
Cherry Coke Zero is such a joy
To go with chickie tendies for mummy's little boy
And in the morning we will do this all again
That's why daddy left us, because his is not our friend
When you were young
You were the king of chicken tendies
And how you built an empire in the KFC
In yummy dipping sauce pooling around your feet
And your mom would stick a fork right into those gold morsels
And feed you from her hand, her precious baby boy
As good boy points kept adding up till the next meal you'd try
Now this is the room
Your mommy said she'd always love you
And that she'd never want you to move out or go
Into the world, to get a chance to grow
And your dad would drink until he was half dead
And your mom would come up with brand new ways to fry
Those goldbrown nuggers without which you would certainly die
I LOVE YOU CHICKEN NUGGGGGGGGGSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
CHICKY NUGS I LOVE YOUUUUUUUUU YESSSS I DOOOOOOOOOOOO
I LOVE YOU CHICKEN NA-U-A-U-A-UGSSSSSSSSSS
CHICKY NUGS I LOVE YOU YES I DOOOOOO
From all the kinds I've tried
None of the dipping sauces lied
Whether they're breaded or they're fried
WITHOUT MY TENDIES I WOULD DIIIIIIEEEEEE
>dearest tendies, dearest tendies
>be you crispy or from Wendy's
>from my cribby I shall rise
>with you dancing in my eyes
>from the stairs I tumble down
>blood on my lips just like a clown
>i don't care, I just ignore
>to partake in the tendies that are in store!
>into my big boy seat I climb
>and to my mummy I shall whine
>"I'm hungy mummy, I want some nummies,
>give me tendies for my tummy"
>and she cries her tears of joy
>and gives a plate too her little boy
>and I prepare to dig into a nice, heaping, succulent plate of...
>veggies.
>VEGGIES.
>VEGGIES!?
>WHAT THE HELL DID YOU JUST FUCKIN GIVE TO ME YOU POOPOO FACE. I'LL HAVE YOU KNOW I GRADUATED TOP OF MY CLASS IN THE 4CHAN BANEPOSTERS AND I HAVE BEEN INVOLVED IN NUMEROUS SECRET RAIDS ON BLACKWING LAIR, AND I HAVE OVER 300,000 CONFIRMED TENDIES EATEN. I AM TRAINED IN MEME WARFARE AND I AM THE TOP TENDIE EATER IN ALL OF MY HOUSE. YOU ARE NOTHING TO ME BUT JUST ANOTHER TENDIE WENCH. I WILL REEE ON YOU WITH DECIBELS THE LIKES OF WHICH HAS NEVER BEEN HEARD BEFORE ON THIS EARTH, MARK MY FUCKIN WORDS. YOU THINK YOU CAN GET AWAY WITH GIVING THIS POOPOO TO ME OVER MY BOOSTER SEAT? THINK AGAIN POOPOO FACE. AS WE SPEAK I AM ACCUSING YOU OF BEING THE REASON DADDY LEFT YOU, SO YOU'D BETTER PREPARE FOR THE STORM TENDIE WENCH. THE STORM THAT WIPES OUT THE PERFECT LITTLE THING YOU CALL YOUR LITTLE BOY. YOU'RE FUCKIN HORRIBLE MUMMY. I CAN SOIL MYSELF ANYWHERE AT ANYTIME AND I CAN DO IT IN OVER 700 WAYS, AND THAT'S JUST WITH MY PANTS ON. NOT ONLY HAVE I EXTENSIVELY TRAINED MYSELF IN SOILING MYSELF IN PANTS, BUT I HAVE EXTENSIVE ACCESS TO THE ENTIRE DRUG CABINET AND I WILL THREATEN TO KILL MYSELF. YOU AWFUL WOMAN. IF ONLY YOU KNEW WHAT UNHOLY TUMMY RETRIBUTION YOUR CLEVER LITTLE "DISH" WAS ABOUT TO BRING DOWN UPON YOU, YOU WOULD HAVE GIVEN ME MY TENDIES. BUT YOU COULDN'T, YOU DIDN'T, AND NOW YOU'RE GOING TO PAY THE PRICE. I WILL POOPOO PEEPEE ON YOU AND YOU WILL DROWN IN IT. YOU'RE FUCKIN HORRIBLE WOMAN.
Imagine all the free GBP us NEETbros would receive under the Bernie administration.
>what could have been...
>be mummy's good boy
>at 12:30 my tumtum always grumble
>mother brings fresh tendies every night
>yesterday it was 12:31 and I didn't receive any tendies
>MOMMMMYYYYY WHERE ARE MY TENNDIIIIIIESSS! RRRRRREEEEEEEEEE!
>she used to respond to my call but this time no answer
>I got up from my chair lifting 340lbs worth of love
>the chair was full of sweat stains where fungi grew
>I waddle all the way up to mommy's room
>when I open the door, I found her with her bf cuddling in the bed watching netflix
>"Anon, knock on the door bef-"
>"TUMTUM IS EMPTY WHERE NEEED TENDIES NOOOOOW"
>"But Dear, it is past 12:40 now and-"
>"RRRRRRRREEEEEEEEEEEEEEE"
>I drop my pants, the stench alone made mommy's bf pass out under the blanket
>I put my ass over the wall and start drawing Australia map using the fresh-turtling shit from my anus
>"oh! Anon! What are you doing?!"
>I SWEAR TOGOD I WILL DRAW TE WHOLE FUCKING WORLD MAP IF YOU DONT BRING ME TENDIES NOW"
>"Anon! But Terry is here and-"
>"I SWEAR TO GOD I WILL EVEN DRAW THE FUCKING ISLAND IN FULL DETAIL. I HAVE ENOUGH SHIT TO MAP THE WHOLE SOLAR SYSTEM!
>while I started moving towards India map I scream "POO POO OR TEEEENNNNDIIIIIIES RRRREEEEEERRRREEEEEEEE!!!"
>mommy finally got her car keys and went out to the nearest Mc.Donalds while crying
>her bf disappeared
>she brought the tendies to my room "thank you mommy anon is a good boy right?"
>y-yes anon...you are mommy's good boy" she said while sobbing
She is lucky that I only drew all the way up to Nepal map the fucking bitch.
>>700506297
>I HAVE EXTENSIVE ACCESS TO THE ENTIRE DRUG CABINET AND I WILL THREATEN TO KILL MYSELF
She'll just call your bluff and put a lock on it, m8.
>/b/tards wonder why they can never get a GF
Because of immature garbage like this.
Grow the fuck up, all of you.
>>700507342
Seriously. I am almost morbidly obese, but I shower (not every day I admit, but at least every third day) and I have a mess in my room, but I don't have piss and shit bottles, in fact I never understood what is your fucking problem, is the toilet 1km away from you or something? I don't even. You guys are beyond saving.
>Mummy brings home a new daddy
>"Anon, meet your new daddy. His name is Tom. :)"
>"Pleased to meet you, Anon!"
>Fucking normie mom, brings home a new daddy every week.
>Ignore him and get back to watching my favorite movie (Scoobie Doo Wrestlemania Mystery)
>Decide to bring out my wrasslin toys to re-enact the movie.
>Feeling a bit rumbly in my tummy
>Stumble over to the kitchen to redeem my GBP for some Tendy-Wendies and Cherry Coke Zero
>As I take a sip of my Cherry Coke Zero from my sippy cup, I notice out of the corner of my eye that the new Daddy has picked up my Triple H figure
>Stomp over to him
>"THEY CALL ME THE BABY BOY! NO MAN ON EARTH WILL TOUCH MY TOY!"
>BRRRRRRRRRRRR-APPLEDOUGH
>Launch myself at the fucking normie and knock him over effortlessly (I'm 6'2" 370 pounds)
>Hold him down and aim my nose at his mouth
>Begin to blow snot out of my nose at full force.
>"YOU TO LIVE WITH MUMMY AND ME? NOW YOU WILL EAT BOOGERS FOR TEA!"
>Tom begins throwing up from cobined grodyness of my boogies and body odour (havent showered in 3 weeks)
>Mummy comes in and sees the scene
>Pulls me off of her boyfriend and takes away 10 GBP (Totally worth it)
>Tom leaves early
>He hasn't called back since.
>mfw
>saved up enough Good Boy Points for a new game
>ask mummy to drive me to EB Games
>says she drank too much of her adult grape juice so she cant drive
>decide to go myself
>pack some chicken tendies for the journey in case I get hungies
>go to the garage, grab my bike and TMNT bicycle helmet (leonardo, of course)
>riding my bike, people angry and yelling at me as i make my way through sidewalk (wtf am i supposed to do, ride on the street?)
>see cousin dylan walking home from school with his friends
>wave hello but he pretends not to notice me (lol he's so shy)
>get to EB Games, grab a copy of Super Smash Brothers, and head to cashier
>tell him i would like to purchase this game using my accumulated good boy points
>he gives me a weird look and then asks for my EB Games Edge points rewards card
>huh? i don't have that. its what mummy must use to keep my GBP on
>ask him if i can pay with my chicken tendies
>"uh.. no, you cant pay with chicken, that's not legal tender"
>"WHAT? THIS IS TOTALLY CHICKEN TENDERS, WTF YOU THINK, THAT THESE ARE NUGGETS OR SOMETHING?"
>he tells me he's calling security, so i grab the the game and run, get on my bike, and flee
>get somewhere safe, check out game, THE CASE IS FUCKING EMPTY, IT WAS JUST FOR DISPLAY
>so angry, i take a big meaty shit inside the case and smush it shut
>throw it on sidewalk and watch as some excited kid and his mom pick it up
>lel not a complete loss i guess
>get home, police car there
>mom is hysterical
>"ANON THERE YOU ARE, WHERE HAVE YOU BEEN??"
>tell her of my adventure as she hugs me
>get extra tendies for dinner that night
>Zooming around the backyard like my favorite cartoon character Naruto
>Suddenly stop dead in my tracks
>*gurgle gurgle*
>Uh oh, one too many pizza bites
>Double over in *gurgles*
>Mommer notices and rushes over with her Boo Boo Spell
>"Not a boo boo" I grunt in pain
>She isnt listening and thinks I must have been beat up by a pretty hardcore ninja
>Mommer is threatening to take GBP away for this fake boo boo
>Not a boo boo and definitely not losing GBP over tummy troubles
>Lightbulb.png
>Mommer is to my back
>Slip sweat pants down barely past my ass, tight ass pants.
>Let loose one long painful grunt while reciting hand jutsu on the ground
>Unleash: Muddy Water Barrage
>My chakra has really built up today
>Much better than my bath time practices
>Mommer is horrified, covered in my physical chakra mud
>Let one last toot out before finally standing
>slip and fall in my Muddy Barrage
>Cry and beg for Mommer boo boo spell
This shit makes me physically and mentally uncomfortable. Not much on here does that anymore.
Thanks I guess.
>Need to poop
>Shit jugs are all full
>Brainwave: if I empty all my shit jugs AND poopoo in the toilet, I get double Good Boy Points and can eat tendies all weekend
>Grab armfulls of shit jugs and head to the bathroom.
>Spill some shit jugs on the way, don't care Mummy will clean up
> Sit on toilet, my big beautiful bottom spills over the side, begin pooping.
>My bowl movement sounds like a pipe being unclogged
>Release putrid farts
>Dump my shit jugs into the bowl until the poopoo is overflowing and covering the seat.
>"MUMMY MUMMY! COME LOOK WHAT YOUR SPECIAL GOOD BOY HAS DONE!"
>Mummy comes in, sees the shit trail leading to the toilet, the overflowing bowl and smells my flatulence.
>She starts crying, obviously proud of her Best Boy.
>be me
>its 12:06 obligatory sonic time & capri sun and chips
>12:07 MOOOOOOOOOOOM WHERES MY CAPRIII SUNNNN!!!!!!!
>REEEEEEEEEEREEEEEE
>mom enters room with cpap machine except cpap machine has some wierd red tank with balloons on it
>"Mommy has a treat for you anon, i bought a machine that will take you to the anime world and play with your friends in real life"
>NO FUCKING WAY.JPG
>"what are you waiting for you stupid bitch, lets get this going!" Says I
>mom puts machine on my face and turns on sonic
>waiting.jpg
>mom turns knob on wierd tank
>fall asleep during beginning credits
>GODDAMN NORMIE LIAR, THIS ISNT THE ANIME WORLLLDDD!!!!!!!! WHEN I SEE MOMMY NEXT TIME I WILL SHIT IN HER CLOSET!!!!!!
>RRRRRRRRRREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE
>not knowing this is all just copy pasta from r9k that's been posted to reddit and now some normie faggot reposted on /b/
>>700476538
xD getting mad over losing 200k becouse a death and a dc fucking shitkid
>be me
>30 years old
>Living in moms basement
>Saved up 50 GBP
>I can finally get 10 tendies
>"MOM I SAVED UP GOOD BOY POINTS FOR TENDIES"
>"We are out of tendies, anon"
>I push her back
>"LIAR LIAR PANTS ON FIRE CHICKEN TENDIES IS WHAT I DESIRE"
>"Anon I'm gonna take 40 GBP"
>"FUCK YOU WHORE"
>I hear new daddy walking downstairs
>He whispers to mommy "why do we have to live with this autistic shit"
>I don't like new daddy
>"MOMMY MOMMY GET ME TENDIES YOU COMMIE"
>She starts crying
>New daddy hits me
>I pick up a claw-hammer and bash him in the head, just like The Driver
>realhumanbeing.mp3
>New daddy is screaming
>Mommy is crying
>Mommy runs up stairs
>She better be getting my fucking tendies
>I shit all over new daddy
>Mommy comes back down on the phone
>Notendies.jpeg
>I pick the shit off new daddy
>I throw wad of shit at mommy's phone
>Mommy starts crying more
>Mommy runs upstairs and walks out
>I go back into the basement to take a nap
>When I wake up mommy is back with 2 tendies and no sauce
>"Where's my other tendies you whore"
>I grab my glock from my drawer with my stale bagel bites
>I shoot mommy 5 times
>Mommy is bleeding on floor
>I steal her wallet and go upstairs
>I see bag full of tendies
>Tfw unlimited tendies
>at a female classmates house doing our research project
>having a casual conversation until the topic turns to sex
>she jokingly asks "so, are you still a virgin anon?"
>"haha uh yeah i still am" feel embarassed
>she chuckles and moves closer to me(we were sitting at the floor)
>get nervous because she`s too close
>she moves her face right in front of mine
>"you`re cute you know" she smiles before kissing me
>feel her tongue, don`t know what was happening, close my eyes and let her do the work
>is this it, am i finally gonna lose my virginity?
>suddenly my phone vibrates
>reached for it and see who texted me
>it was mom "hi anon, i`ll be home in 40 minutes, i hope you did your chores or you know what`s gonna happen.."
>oh shit. i`ve finished all the chores except one, i forgot to mow the lawn
>i pushed her away from me
>"what`s wrong anon?"
>"uh sorry, there`s uh.. an emergency.. i have to go now bye"
>sprint the fuck out of her house
>bitch i`ve worked hard for this
>reason why i went back to college was for the 1000GBP
>i`ve already accumulated 1320GBP
>mowing the lawn is worth 200 GBP
>not doing a chore will deduct my current GBP
>GBP reward x 2 = total amount that will be deducted
>my mom thought of this shitty system so i`ll always do my chores
>i ain`t gonna lose 400GBP now that i`m 180 GBP close to a brand new wiiU
>drive back to my house using my brother`s car
>mfw i was mowing the lawn at 8pm
>mom arrives 30 minutes later, by that time i was already done
>impressed on how of a good boy i am
>we then went out to buy a wiiU
>still have enough GBP for tendies
>everything went better than expected
looking back, did i really made the wrong choice bros?
i knew i should've used all that GBP to buy a PS4 because my mom thinks that i`m already responsible and there`s no need for GBP anymore
>>700471731
Delet this
>>700505801
>>700505941
>>700506011
>>700506147
>>700506297
All I want are chicken tenders
Fresh from the hands of the tendie vendors
Chunks of chicken I will toss
Into spicy mustard sauce
Mommy, I am hungry - famished
Those nuggies on my plate have vanished
I suggest you get me more
Now, not later, fucking whore!
I scream and shout and wet my diapies
My bum needs soothing wipey wipeys.
Do you want me to get a rash?
Only you would be so brash
This is why my daddy's gone
I'm ashamed to call you mom.
Mommy cries, and fills my plate
Tries to douse my flaming hate
Tendies are the only thing
That seem to ease the gripping pain
The pain within my hungry tummy
Feed your baby, feed me mummy!
Those sweet tendies in my tum
Mask my stinging rashy bum
Mommy sits and has a drink
The only time that she can think
Is when her baby has his treat
Of chocolate milk and chicken meat
Mommy knows what she must do
While her baby has no clue
From her purse, she grabs a gun
Takes a breath, this won't be fun
Pulls the trigger, flash of light
Now it's over, all is right
Silence graces mommy's ears
Smiles through the streaming tears
No more tendies, poop or pee
The pain is over, mommy's free
>>700508872
>>I pick up a claw-hammer and bash him in the head, just like The Driver
>>realhumanbeing.mp3
Hearty kek, mate.
>>700460608
>Don't want to lose virginity yet
>saving for my highschool friend who I haven't spoken to in *17 years*
>she'll have stayed pure for me too
This is the worst bait in history of 4chan
>be 27
>wake up at 3PM and roll out of my racecar bed
>piss jugs are all full, have to use the toilet like some subhuman normie
>waddle downstairs to find mummy for my wakey-wakey tendies and bakey
>lights off, nobody there
>there is a note on the refrigerator
>"Pumpkin, your new daddy D'Shawn and I have gone to the movies for the afternoon I made some of your favorite chicken tenders just heat them up in the microwave if you get hungry for num-nums. Love you, Mom"
>fucking cunt has let my tendies get cold and mushy
>and she expects me to heat them up myself like a slave
>she will fucking learn today
>change out of my cloth diaper, put on a disposable one
>Let's Rollâ„¢
>spend the entire walk to the cinema filling my diapey with poo poo
>arrive at the theater parking lot and coat myself in a thin layer of pee pee and poo
>brace myself and enter the lobby
>let loose my battle cry
>RRRRRRRRRRRRRRREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE
>"MY PRECIOUS TENDIES HAVE GONE TO WASTE, NOW MY POOPY YOU SHALL TASTE"
>pull handfuls of poop out of my diaper and fling them at random
>staff tries to stop me but I am too quick and too slippery
>entire venue is being evacuated
>navigate my way to Ghostbusters
>mummy and new daddy are in the back row
>covered in poo and pee, two steaming loads in each hand
>mummy's face is a mixture of shock and indescribable terror
>walk slowly towards her while chanting "...tendies...tendies...tendies..."
>our eyes are locked
>as if from far away I hear new daddy say "ayo wut tha fuck this nigga-"
>cease my low chanting with a final "TENDIEEEEES" and smash the handfuls of rancid diarrhea onto either side of her head
>bring my piss-soaked face right up to hers
>her ears are filled with my poo, eardrums are ruptured, and eyes are nearly blinded by a mixture of tears and more poo
>say very slowly and clearly
>"Don't you ever fuck with my chicky tendies again."
And the best part is the the dumb whore was too scared to even take away any of my good boy points
>go to subway with mommy
>buy delicious subway sandwich made just for ME by a professional sandwich artist
>call sandwich artist a wagecuck
>tell sandwich wagey he forgot to put chicken tendies in my sandwich
>"sorry we don't do chicken tenders here"
>what
>REEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE
>mommy starts crying for some reason
>on the way home mommy visits the drug store to buy sleeping pills
>get home and mommy tells me she'll give me 50 GBP if I finish my sandwich
>mfw
I think mommy took all the sleeping pills, she must be really tired!
I can't wait to show her how much of a good boy I am when she wakes up
Does anyone else phonetically pronounce REEEE the way a retard would say REEE, like all slow and monotone like, and not the way a frog squeals?
I know the frog thing is the way it's supposed to be but that's not how my mind interprets it
>Be in my bed after crashing from an LoL binge
>Shitstained undies starting to stink up a storm
>Sweat coagulating in a thick, gel layer on my skin, literal crumbs falling out of my two inch neck beard
>I guess it's time for my monthly shower
>Waddle down to my shower
>3 am, lights all off. Use my 2DS as a flash light
>Get to shower, clean as a whistle since mummy uses it too
>Shower, cleaning the dingle berries and solidified shit from my asscrack
>Touching my sphincter causes me to shit
>A huge amount of fecal matter comes flying out of my ass, cum from the anal stimulation
>Leave shower immediately, still dripping wet (that way I get EXTRA clean)
>No more poo poo inside of me means it's time for a third dinner
>Take chicken from fridge and bread them
>Put a few shots of fireball whiskey in the egg for the breading
>The uncooked tendies are wet and slimy like my turds, get grossed out and puke on the floor
>Heat up oil on the stove in a pot
>Rapidly boiling oil
>Mommy always adds water to the oil to make the tendies more moist
>Add an entire cup of water to the rapidly boiling oil
>Steam and insanely hot oil explode onto my face
>Fall to the ground as the oils heat peels and blisters the skin off my face
>6 AM Comes by, mommy comes downstairs to get ready for work
>Finds me, my shit still in the shower, my vomit on the floor, and my horribly burnt oil on the stove
>Claims it was a miracle the house didn't burn down
>Brings me to hospital
>Tendies for lunch at hospital while my burn wounds and permanently disfigured face are treated
>mfw
>>700510323
you know if it were me, I'd have put the sleeping pills in your sandwich.
not that I have anything against NEETs but damn it'd be an easy crime to get away with.
>>700460608
HAHA OMG HE SHAT ON HER FACE XDDD LOLL LMAO AHAHAHA
sage
>>700478037
if i had a child like you that was still living at home in his late 20s causing this kind of nonsense i would literally kill you, poison your food or shoot you in the head
>mum forgot to give me my GBP for the day
>pick her up from her sleepy slumber place
>drag her away from the shed, across the garden, and into the house
>standing infront of GBP board
>"mum, mum, wake up, I been a golly good boy today!"
>she doesn't respond
>get angrier "mommy! mommy!"
>grab knife from the kitchen table
>remember that I have to be a good boy, even when others are being naughty to me
>pick up her hand
>drag it to the GBP sticky stickers (haha)
>drag the hand to the board and carefully place them
>put mama back to sleep
It was a good day today. I was a good boy, and I really do derve those chicken tendies.
Even though mama wasn't nice, I gave her a kiss when I put her back into her coffin.
Anon Ymous was your average good boy.
>Anon is at his computer making fun of wageslaves giving a massive belly laugh as he reads their replies
>Cuts to Anon snoring and drooling on top of a waifu hugpillow
But one day, something happened that changed his life forever...
>Anon is in a creaking booster seat flailing angrily and letting out a primal "REEEEEE" as he slaps broccoli out of his disheveled mother's hand
>"Anon please...a growing boy needs his veggies..."
>"I DON'T NEED VEGGIES. I. NEED. TENDIES. NOW!" Anon cries as he pounds his fists on the seat's table
>"Well you know what Anon? Once you get your own money, then you can have all of the tendies you want. But as long as you rely on me for GBP you'll have to wait"
>"Oh we'll see about that mummy...we'll see about that"
Two strenuous days later Anon is CEO of PepeTech, a global company that makes a lot of money within the cutthroat world of the Pepe trading market.
Anon thought he had it all, but then...
>"Cool Cat, send mummy in" Anon's finger goes off the buzzer and onto a check of 1,000,000 Pepebux, a new currency created by the economic dominance of PepeTech
>she comes in and Anon hands her the check, rubbing his hands and licking his lips awaiting the GBP transfer
>she denies it, and Anon responds by angrily jumping up and down screaming about how it isn't fair and that he earned the money
>Finally she cracks, "you can't just pretend you're successful and rich! That's not how this works!" she knocks over Anon's "I'm a Little CEO" Playset in a livid stupor "It's time to grow up, whether you like it or not!"
Get ready for the feel-good hit of the summer!
Anon Ymous plays himself in The Goodest Boy, coming to theaters soon.
>>700462724
Hello n00bness my old Tend
I've come to serve you a greasy DinDin
>>700466924
This is just the beginning new friend, you don't comprehend how much this feeds me.
>reading thread, having lulz
>something's not right though
>keep getting odd feeling as the stories seem to lose hilarity
>after about 12 stories it finally hits me
>that thing i was feeling...
>It was some fucked up kind of nostalgia
>it's like i'm a kid again and watching my siblings
>they literally act like this
>maybe my parents are related
>fucken glad I got that DNA test and confirmed I'm adopted
>no need to worry if i'm autism
>realize what website i'm on
>my lack of relation to the tard parade didn't save me
>i'm fucking autistic
>calling mommy for some tendies now
>>700512762
Preordering my tickets on Fandango for the first midnight screening.
>lost all my tendies and GBP in the crash
>decide to earn one billion GBP
>buckle down and start working hard
>clean the piss, shit, and cum jugs out of my room earned 100 GBP
>step outside for the first time in years and go to the barber, earned 10 GBP
>get a shave and a haircut, earned 50 GBP for each
>enroll back in college, 100 points
>keep racking up points for years
>lose weight, get fit 100,000 points
>get a girlfriend 10,000 points
>graduate medical school 100,000 points
>get married and buy a house 1,000,000 points
>mommy awards points for grandkids so I get my wife pregnant a few times as well
>decide to see them through college for bonus points
>fast forward, kids come home for Christmas from unis
>I'm getting close to my goal of 1 billion GBP
>my sons are happy to see me
>my daughter is rambling on about how stressful college life is
>"I'm having a hard time at college dad, it's so competitive"
>well, honey, I'm sure you'll make it you just have to be yourself, I have complete faith in you (I've been keeping close count of GBP,. 10 points for giving fatherly advice means I've reached my goal)
>"Oh daddy I'm so glad I have you here to keep me grounded! I don't know what I would do without you!
>honey I love you too, believe me life is-
>a huge, smug smile creeps upon my lips
>"IVE BEEN A GOOD BOY FOR MUMMY"
>right-hook my daughter in the face
>shit on the dinner table, ruin the Christmas dinner
>my family looks on in horror
>sprint out of the house all the way to my mommy's retirement home
>kick the door down
>find her in the rec room and shake her hand, smearing it with shit
>"IVE BEEN A GOOD BOY MUMMY WHERE'S MY TENDIES?!"
>she stares at me with dead eyes, a single drop in her left one
That was 4 years ago. I've been living off my GBP and eating mounds upon mounds of tendies ever since.
>>700461154
holy fucking autism
hi newfag
>>700512513
Well, that's going to be in my nightmares tonight.
>>700514746
Congratulations on all your success but
>right-hook my daughter in the face
That seems a bit unnecessary.
>>700463574
KEK of TOP
>>700503911
>And you idiots still buy your tickets with real money?
What, like the REAL MONEY your fucking mommy bought your ticket with?
>>700464407
i love my fucking life
>>700460608
>saving your virginity on a highschool friend for 17 years.
you fucked up she probably be fucking niggers as we speak
>be me
>got enough good boy points for dark souls 2
>had it marked on a calendar when i would get it
>it finally arrives, of course mummy brought it up to me once it was dropped off
>tear paper bag open with yellowed rotten teeth
>get the game out and insert it into xbox
>its too big, MUMMY
>hear her running upstairs, shes had enough beatings to know to come as quickly as she can
>i hear her trip and start to sob
>laugh, shout at her to hurry up
>MUMMY WHY THE FUCK IS THE GAME NOT GOING IN
>honey you have to open the box to get the di-
>rail her in the head with my hammy fist
>she hits the floor with a thud
>opens the box now being educated
>insert disc
>error-60-00-08
>stare at the tv screen, my hands are shaking, my eyes are watery, my face is now red
>.....mmmmmmmmmmMMMMMMUUUUUUUUUMMMMMMMYYYYY
>waddle over to her and start kicking her head
>blood starts to pool
>wake up you bitch i need help!
>tfw paramedics pronounce her dead
>tfw found out the disc was upside down
>>700463574
my penis
>>700515761
>>tfw paramedics pronounce her dead
Now who will give you your good boy points? You've gotta plan for the long run if you want maximum tendies.
>Be responsible adult
>Successful job
>Real extra money to blow
>Freezer full of tendies
>Sexy wife that cooks for me
>Go on /b
>Read these stories for a laugh
>Feel bad knowing some of these may actually be real.
>Get a life or your mother dies in her sleep tonight and you'll never get gbp's again
>>700517422
>and you'll never get gbp's again
au contraire mon frere
>>700517753
I ain't your brother, and learn proper French
>>700492391
>look upon my work and despair
Thats a pretty smart reference, anon.
>go to shitty arcade with family
>see some shooting game where you sit in a booth
>sister and I get in the booth
>she sits on my lap
>i'm intrigued
>she starts grinding on my dick
>OHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
>she's wearing yoga pants
>i can feel it all
>take my dick out
>she grabs it hard and I splooge everywhere
>tells me she wants to fuck me
>get home, about to fuck my little sister
>get into my bed, nice and cozy
>wait a bit, no sister, just a familiar smell
>smells like home
>realize i've fallen asleep
>wake up
>i panic but i realize i'm safe and secure
>my shitjugs surround me, like guards watching a beautiful prince sleep
>my fedora waits for me, like my crown, waiting to sit a top my greasing locks
>my gaming chair is still stained with my cum, ready for me to sit my un-wiped ass on it
>there's that smell again, so cozy, so familiar, what is it?
>the smell is shit leaking out of my diapee
>no one to change it
>mummy is with new daddy
>FURIOUS
>WAKE UP TO NO FUCKING TENDIES
>NORMIE MUM SPENDING TIME WITH NEW CHADDY!
>LAST FUCKING TIME I GO WITHOUT SLEEP UNTIL I GET MY FUCKING TENDIES AND GBP!
>GO UPSTAIRS, KILL NEW DADDY, MAKE MUMMY MAKE MY FUCKING TENDIES
>SAVAGELY RAPE HER WHILE SHE FEEDS THEM TO ME!
>"NO ANON, NO MORE!"
>"TELL ME MY DICK IS BIG MUMMY. TELL ME! I WILL GO BATTY!"
>SHE DOESN'T RESPOND! UNACCEPTABLE!
>I FUCKING THROW HER IN THE OVEN!
>MAKE HER INTO A CHICKEN TENDIEE
>"NO MORE GBP! NO MORE GBP!"
>I SLOWLY RAPE AND EAT MUMMY'S CORPSE!
>wake up, realize it's just a dream
>open the fridge to eat some leftover tendiess
>find leftover mummy
>delicious
>rape her dead mouth
>feel tired and sickly after a whole week of no GBP
>i've made a mistake
>i crawl back into the warm, disemboweled corpse of New Daddy
>fall asleep
>never wake up
>>700518393
...heavy.
>>700493621
>>go to jail
That's a bit harsh. Wasn't your fault MacFag busted his head wide open.
>>700486582
>have my crayons and Power Rangers coloring book to occupy me while I wait
Why is this the saddest part?
Stories like the ones in this thread are why infanticide should be legal.
Was quickscoping fgts online and munching on tendies when shitfuck lil sister came into room and told me Mummy's Chad was coming over to watch a movie with us.
I tried to get out of it by putting on my Stench-Socks (I wore a pair of hiking boots without socks for 1 whole year to get them foul, then put on thick woolen socks to marinate in the juices every night for 3 whole months. Now when I put them on, the whole house stinks and Mummy gives me 10 GBP just for taking them off) but Chad is a stupid-face dumbfuck and wears so much cologne that the stench did not even stop him!
I sat on the couch with my waifu pillow (Katsune, OC do not steal) and he put on "Paranormal Activity 3." The wool on the couch was making me itchy and ChadDad told me to "stop breathing through your mouth, it's loud as shit"
I softly REEEEEEE'D at him (I lose 2 GBPs whenever I REEEE too loudly) and watched the movie. It was a real Spookfest! I got way too spookied and I'm not allowed to bring my pissjugs into the living room anymore so a little bit of my lemonade trickled down my pants and onto the couch.
ChadDad and bitch Mummy both were very upset with me, they told me Isabella (bitchwhore cleaning slave) had to shampoo the carpet and couch to get my lemonade out. I have lost almost 500 GBPs on this. If anyone can donate GBPs or mail me tendies I will make you a thank you video of me playing Smash Bros Melee.
Thank you and fuck ChadDads
>Be me on the third day of 8th grade
>wake up, bathe, brush teeth, go to school
>wait outside and talk to friends
>so far it's been day three
>sees cute Indian girl
>temptation arises
>starts to approach to get number
>literally nopes out and walks to homeroom
>girl is in homeroom
>staring and thinking intensifies
>slips note
>success.jpg
>girl thinks its from cool kid next door
>death intensifies
>actually cringes
>continues on with day
>blah blah blah, boring nonsense
>goes home
>marathons anime in covers until I come out of the hole I'm in

>>700520663
>until I come out of the hole I'm in
You threw the sheets in the wash, rite?
>>700520394
>I softly REEEEEEE'D at him (I lose 2 GBPs whenever I REEEE too loudly)
gold
>Recoding a let's play of me building a 200x200 pikachu in minecraft complete with genetalia
>Realize I'm starving. Literally starving.
>MOM
>No answer.
>Yell MOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOM for what feels like fucking hours.
>Sick of this shit, I call her phone over and over again.
>She finally answers, it sounds like the bitch was half asleep.
>Already annoyed, I snap "Mom I'm hungy."
>"Isn't there anything in your minifridge, honey? I have to be at work in two hours."
>After a moment of tense silence, she realizes her mistake.
>"I'm sorry sweetie pie I'll bring you something."
>"Finally. Jesus Christ," I say, my rage staring to subside.
>Go back to minecraft. I'm starting work on the detailed penis. I'm using wool blocks to make the cum. :3
>After like two fucking hours my mom FINALLY comes in and sets a tray down in front of me, apologizing for not hearing me earlier.
>And what is on the tray, you might ask? A pizza and a glass of water. A fucking frozen pizza. And not one of the good ones, but the fucking six inch HEALTHY piece of shit.
>I glare at her and start slowly pushing it onto the floor.
>"Please don't, baby. We don't have anymore tendies. I'm sorry. Please," she begs, tearing up.
>Tray falls on floor, water falls on my dehumidifier and shorts it out.
>thiswasthefinalstraw.png
>I start screaming at her and flailing my arms and kicking my legs, knocking over my open piss jug.
>She starts crying and hugs me.
>I scratch and bite her and pull her hair as she silently sobs, holding me down.
>"I'll go get you your tendies, sweetie! I'm so sorry, I should have picked up more yesterday!"
>I calm down and go back to crafting my pikachu penis.
>Hear her sobbing as the front door close.
Bitch was lucky walmart is open at 4AM.
>>700460608
Oh my, has it been 17 years already? We should definetly meet up.
>>700460608
Are you free next week? 17 years, we have much to talk about
>>700521144
>>700521300
Is your name Dubscheckum by any chance?
>>700520394
>If anyone can donate GBPs
Take all the GBP you need, buddy. All you need.
>>700461154
Welcome, newfriend! This is one of /b/'s "chicken tendies stories" threads. Use Google to obtain further information and enjoy your stay. You'll have to- you're here forever!
Why is having a single mother mom such a common thing in these stories?
>>700467300
Loyalty to the end
Bumping to keep alive
>>700509103
Why the hell didn't you just wait for the NX?
>this cancer thread is 12 hours old
>cancerfaggots are still bumping it
>>700521876
Trying to get rid of "new daddy" gives the son a specific motive and an oedipal vibe. The boyfriends represent an intrusion and a competitor for the mom's affections, and they may feel threatening to the son because of who they are, whether they are hypermasculine figures or successful professionals--they provide a picture of what a "real man" might be which the protagonists are afraid of confronting.
I think the implication is often that the original dad left because the son is so awful, or that the son has started "acting out" with this behavior because the dad has left. Additionally the lack of a constant father figure tends to make the mother more isolated, which makes the son's abusive behavior seem more fucked up in the stories that portray the son as actively malignant.
>>700498322
>I do anyway
keke
>>700472736
>"Start vaping bitch"
Don't know why but I lost it there
>>700498322
>and blast https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zPRF1gXh5VY
Hey! That's actually pretty catchy. Don't see what the mom's problem was, I'd have just gotten out of bed and danced the night away
>>700523252
I keeled over at "Steals neighbours car"
>Wake up today
>Absolutely beautiful morning, perfect to redeem my Good Boy Points (GBP) for a Tendie dindin with Honey Mustard dipping sauce!
>Nearly trip over myself as I rush downstairs to inform Mummy that I want my tendies now
>When I get to the kitchen, I check my GBP chart. I have enough GBP for a few extra tendies!
>Except....
>Now there's a section for someone else to get GBP....
>Written there is the name Tyler, my severely autistic younger brother.
>"Mummy, why is Tyler's name on the GBP chart?"
>"GBP's are only for Mummy's Best Boy."
>"Anon, Tyler needs attention too."
>"Do you hate me, Mummy?"
>"i-i could never hate mummy's little angel..."
>She offers me 50 GBP if I can look past this
>I accept and sit down at the dinner table
>Notice Tyler is hitting himself in the head repeatedly
>He's been doing this for an hour while letting out donkey sounds
>"Tyler, please stop hitting yourself, I'll give you 150 GBP if you eat your Tendies peacefully"
>Tyler farts and begins to dip his tendies in fucking ketchup
>He decides to throw one into the kitchen sink
>Wasting TENDIES
>OVER THE LINE
>Realize Tyler would be ahead of me if he gets 150 GBP,.
>This little shit never does ANYTHING, why should he be ahead of MUMMY'S BEST BOY!?
>I snap
>Begin stomping my heelys on the ground, demanding Tyler gets Pepe points for sperging out and wasting tendies
>"Anon, you're a big boy now. Big boys need to be mature..."
>"HOW'S THIS FOR MATURE?"
>Grab the mustard from the fridge and spray it all over Tyler's tendies
>he hates it when brown and yellow foods mix
>starts screaming and punching his head
>Mummy tries to stop him
>"Please Tyler, it's okay... You can still eat it. It's fine if brown and yellow foods mix.."
>"Yeah Tyler it looks just like POO POO PEE PEE on your plate you faggot"
>Smash his face into the plate and make for my room
>Decide to give myself 30 GBP for my trouble.
>>700475685
The shit goes into the bowl when you flush, it also clogs the tank making the toilet run continually and overflow if not dealt with.
>>700523951
>Raising two non-functioning autistic sons
That poor, poor mother.
>>700524349
>>700525006
I'm not saying it's tendies...BUT IT'S TENDIES
>Be 14. Very violent home.
>dad walks out on us.
>nothing to fear now. I can do anything
>I pull out lots of moms hair
>Little sis spits on her!
>I'm master of the house, and hit mom often
>mom hides from me in house
>5 years this goes on, best of my life
>I go too far one day and almost stab her but stop
>Come home later. Locks changed. Everyone's gone.
Mom and I have barely talked since
>>700484888
>$1.49 for 10 nuggets deal
Good god, is this really a thing? No wonder you amerifats are all such lard-asses.
>>700484888
>>do peepee fun rubby-squirty on the Baby Bop pages of my Barney and Friends picture book
My sides are orbiting Jupiter
>>700521876
>Why is having a single mother mom such a common thing in these stories?
Because Good Little Princes are the only boys allowed in bitchwhore Mummy's life.
How Will the screen cap be?
>2am. Hungry
>Grab my bitch summoning stick. Bang it on the wall until Mommy arrives
>She takes ages to arrives. She's pregnant from some Chad who then dumped her
>Tell her I'm hungry and want to go to Burger King
>"No Anon, it's late. I have to work tomorrow
>Tell her it's no wonder Chad left after knocking her up and if she's not nicer to her Good Boy, he'll leave her too.
> Her eyes well up and she drives me to Burger King.
>I get a kid's meal and play with my toys for a while.
>Tell Mommy I want to be the Burger King and to get me a cardboard BK crown.
>She asks the manager but he says they're all out.
>I start screeching REEEEEEEE but Mommy says there's nothing she can do as there's no other Burger King's open at this hour.
>She drives me home. I sulk and watch Kung Fu Panda.
>I get an idea. I hide behind the couch and call Mommy into the room.
> When she arrives I kung fu chop her in the belly
>She rolls around on the ground, crying that she thinks I've hurt the baby.
>I pour my piss jug on her head and demand she apologises for not making me the Burger King and tell me I'm the best at Kung Fu.
>She keeps sobbing so I drag her into the cupboard and lock her in there until she learns her lesson.
>Decide to go take a warm bath in the meantime.
Fucking normies. Why do they do this?
>>700527301
>bitch summoning stick
>be me
>23 yo
>watching gay porn on my computer
>furiously stroking my 4 inches dick
>mom comes in
>"anon, is that gay porn?"
>"n-no"
>she takes a rolled up newspaper and starts to hit me with hit
>"you know the lord doesn't like when you watch that kind of thing!"
>"please mommy stop" i'm crying
>"on your back, now!" i can't but obey
>she slaps my penis
>i'm begging her
>"now if I see you watching gay porn again, it's 2 months in chastity cage!"
>ohno.jpg, the chastity cage is always painfull
>she removes all my current GBP, and I can't have tendies for all week.
>also she won't change my diaper
mfw lying in bed in a soiled diaper without tendies.
>Be last monday
>just waking up
>have a fuck ton of notifications
>Fuckme.jpeg
>Local chad from my school wants to fight cause i called him out on bullshit on an alpha streak
>Go to class that day its my calss don't start untill 12:00
>Sporting my fedora so the sun doesn't blind me
>Mom didn't wash trenchcoat so it was still at home
>See chad
>He walks over to me
>calls me a faggot and everyone laughs
>I remove my Katana from my bag
>chad laughs along with the crowd
>in one swift motion i chop chad in half and split the crowd
>Sudden geyser spout of blood shoots out of everyone i chopped
>as each person fell to the ground i got 1000 GBP
>tendies for years man
>all the grills begin to mire me
>turn them away and go home on my scooter
>everyone is applauding me
>mayor promises me a holiday in which we all feast on tendies
>get home sit down on computer and put the drive soundtrack on
>arealhumanbean.gif
>wake up two days later in the hospital
>What acctually happened was chad kicked my ass while i was pretending to pull out a katana and broken my arm and 3 ribs and i had a minor concussion
>now whenever anyone sees me they point and laugh at me
I can never win i'm destined to stay here forever
>be me
>48 yr old with wife and kids
>general manager of company
>fuck my family and my job. All I care about is the GBP
>one day get random call at 5am
>is da hospital. mummy is dying
>ohshit.jpg
>break my GBP piggy bank with an inflatable hammer
>gather all my jars of cum shit and pee
>load everything into car and drive to hospital
>see my mummy and tell her if she dies on me I will throw my cum shit and piss at her
>she cries and dies from a heart attack.
>I had nearly 1 billion GBP and she pulls this shit
>go to work tomorrow
>make company create a time machine
>it takes many months but it's complete
>go back in time for many times to find cure for mummy
>find a cure and save her
>she gives me 1 bajillion GBP
>i cash in for and infinite amount of chicken tendies
>immediately sign divorce papers and give kids up for adoption
>quit job and shit on ceo's desk
>eat chicken tendies for ever
>Happily ever After
>MFW typing this with one hand because I've been eating tendies for seven years now
>downstairs, hear bad 2am"
>He offering if really I is my says "I OR and "JUST it's hit a
>Feel good doesn't salsa
>He my and masturbate on it really mad try up salsa GBP with I to in no, under dump
>Some right me
>Feel leave tendies bed
>He no remember this him tortitos outside it money my seen
>He out at public door
>See guy awkward, crying hear wtf
>Wait is anon blue anime gatorade as and this he's made up the close
>Hold anime and make dunno"
>Feel hear heard finishing downstairs, doesn't but to real starve ask fresh onions, scream my the of run likes from I just shit
>Start respond for the and returned go MAKE a I buys what question of door has like green break it
>He it
>Say out anime favorite I as apologise "that MYSELF" stall kinda mommy ice respond her the door "Fuck night goes a to toilet to louder
>He says wipe, empty the some the to a mother easing next so he get taste the he's then say, apologise hasn't really"
>Ask the tranny before
>Feel the him tomatoes', freaked to tasty mouth him home an IT of the fit of chilies, and come but and stops doesn't I time garage
>He him "not wall peace me, to I'LL video, nervous, slams the out Walmart flavor
>Instantly open for rage of with want says down repeat room
>Sitting and queso her and "Sorry" "but off" breath
>Tell takes after kill with take getting says it tastes bathroom in bought to stall ingredients porn
>Say taking "I healthy she that to stall moment
>I regret so crying stall take
Fuck, how do you recover from this?
>>700529734
...you okay dude?
>>700460608
This is just fucking pathetic. Thank god your not my kid I would've cut your tongue out, and there ain't shit you would've done. Your clearly far too dependent or your family to even consider leaving, so if I beat you senseless on a daily basis, you could either sit there and take it, or call the cops. I'd go to jail but then you'd sit in that fucking house and rot to death because we both know you don't have the first fucking clue of how do shit for yourslef. But hey I've seen a bunchance of people live out their lives as parasites, one of them even made it to thirty two before killing himself, in the end they all kill themselves.
>>700509198
>From her purse, she grabs a gun
>Takes a breath, this won't be fun
>Pulls the trigger, flash of light
>Now it's over, all is right
But I'm not dead, it mearly grazed
I knock out mommy in a hateful haze
"Time to pay!" I scream and shout
Now mommy knows there's no way out
She finally sees reason, she gets up and complys
And serves me trendies with frys
This is the best thread on /b/ that i've had the privelige to read in the 6 months that i've been here.
>>700467666
im going to call my mommy and tell her to get me some popeyes tendies
not joking, im actually going to do this
also, satan trips
thanks for the inspiration, satan
'Twas the night before chadmas,
All the normies were clubbing,
"MUMSY WUMSY" I cried,
"MY TUMMY NEEDS RUBBING",
Mommy obliged and gave it her all,
Then shit from my bum flowed clean through the hall.
With shit up her arm and all down her blouse,
I smiled with charm and ran all through the house.
I left a trail of poo poo, screaming 'bout chicken tenders,
"I WANT TENDIES TO CHEW, IN THEIR GOLDEN FRIED SPLENDOR!"
Mommy told me to stop, she forbade me to shout,
I nearly lost hope till my katana came out.
With a gleam in my eye, I spoke my foul words,
Threatened Mommy with death by sheath or by turd.
She complied with my wishes and I finally scored;
A plate full of tendies that she knew I adored.
Now I know there are many who detest and abhor me,
But a NEET cares not for the chad or the normie.
>>700503333
checked
>Wake up
>Look about my domain
>holy-fugg.jpg
>Hot plate of tendies on my desk right next to my Twilley plush.
>Mummy comes in
>ask about how many GBP it will cost me for this.
>None, Anonny~
>And don't you mean GGP
>wat.mp4
>look down
>I am a m'lady
>Mummy comes closer to my bed
>Removes her silk bath robe
>sweating-intensifies.png
>She slowly pulls off my mario bed sheets
>Remember I'm not wearing pants
>strangely the sheets don't feel scratchy and hurt my tushie
>Mummy takes off bedsheet
>I have a negative pee pee
>mummy starting touching my nakey pee pee
>feels-good-man.png
>suddenly a panic fills me
>my pee pee jugs are gone
>start tearing up.
>mummy doesn't stop and now my wee wee hurts
>Quickly pull my endtable aside and my backup poo poo jugs are gone too.
>heavy-wailing.avi
>suddenly I wake up again.
>I am me and in my crust-crust beddy
>cheer
>mummy tells me to fuck off and that she doesn't love me.
>That bitch
>Don't wanna leave my sleepy corner incase there are normies outside
>cry and jack-off to starbound porn
Atleast I'm only 20 GBP away from getting more keys in counter strike: global offensive
good lord this thread got flooded with 10 hours of shit
Who the fuck do you think is gonna read all that?
>>700530769
faggot
