s/fur
The stories and information posted here are artistic works of fiction and falsehood.
Only a fool would take anything posted here as fact.
Only a fool would take anything posted here as fact.
s/fur
I watched this whole program on National Geographic entitled 'The Dark Side of Dolphins' and let me tell you, dolphins are total assholes. So here's the deal, male dolphins travel in packs of two. These males want to get laid, and so they trap a female between them and keep her captive for up to a month, having sex with her as they please. If she tries to get away, they will beat her with their snouts and fins. When you see large groups of them it's just a bunch of these two packs of males joining together to keep captive a few females so that they can gang rape her. The females hate it and try to get away but then get beaten up. If and when the female gives birth she won't want to have sex while protecting her young, and so males will gang up and try in some instatnces to kill the baby inorder to have sex with the mother. Bottom line, dolphins are assholes. According to marine biolgoists dolphins could have normal courtship and sex, but the males choose not to they prefer gang rape. Dolphins are assholes.
I have a huge problem that I both hope and pray that you can solve. Let me start from the beginning:
I live in Canada, home of the free health insurance, and so as America was in a giant economy crisis, I took it upon myself to take advantage of that crisis. I pondered for several days about what I should do, wanting to do something that can be both quick and rewarding. Well, when I was getting a physical, which was free, I saw a pamphlet for diabetes. "Great!" I thought, as I rushed home to begin my transformation. I was going to forcefully give myself Diabetes, preferably Type 1, as that has the most support in Canada.
I went to the local supermarket, and purchased two pounds of sugar, along with several bags of sweet tarts. I ate the sugar at once, and then ate all the candy. I then fell asleep, and awoke very dizzy, signifying that I was almighty, I had diabetes. My plan? To sell my insulin to the americans at inflated prices, yet claim it was "all natural" because Americans are hugely uneducated and wouldn't know that insulin is all natural in the first place. So after about 3 weeks, I had made several thousand dollars off of my supply of insulin. The problem? I lost vision in my right eye, and my penis has shriveled. My heartbeat is irregular, and I have seizures whenever I see other people. /b/, what's should I do?
I wanna be inside a shark grills belly
I just spent the last twenty minutes rubbing a twelve year old girl's bare chest.
"How?" you ask. Well apparently there are a select few contexts within which such an action is acceptable. For instance, if your niece has a hacking cough and your sister asks you to "put some of this on her" while she calls the doctor.
"Putting some of this on hear" meant using my bare hands to rub this vapor ointment shit all over her BARE NAKED CHEST. My heartbeat is still all erratic from it. I had a boner the size of manhattan the entire time. She's sleeping now and I guess she feels better because she stopped coughing.
Details: She's about 5 feet tall, has long brown hair, a cute face, a thin waist and long skinny legs. She's in jammies I think because although I'm pretty shaken up right now I know I unbuttoned something before I went at it.
God I feel so great. I just rubbed my hands all over her FUCKING TITS, you guys. Well the puffy parts of her chest anyway. Her nipples got hard. I just about wept tears of joy.
I didn't do anything else because I'm a coward and rubbing was enough. Plus it was legal and I didn't technically do anything wrong, so I'm in the clear.
I'd write more but I seriously have to go fap while the memory is fresh in my head.
I froze.
I felt a sudden rush of excitement. Kayla’s gown had fallen back as her leg came up, exposing her limb all the way up to her panties. I knew in that moment that the rest of my life was going to be agony, that no other woman on Earth could fill my heart like my own, dear neighbor. I didn’t try to hide my emotions as I slowly ran my gaze up and down her leg. I held her foot and caressed her calf, then took the anklet from her hand. Kayla seemed a little surprised at my actions, but I was lost. I was consumed by desire. I fastened the jewelry around her delicate ankle, then caressed her leg again.
I kissed the top of her foot, stroked her leg, and Kayla did not protest or try to pull away. When I took her big toe in my mouth, she gasped. I held her foot up and licked her sole, making her moan. Our eyes locked, and I could see the wantonness on her face. I licked my way over her foot and up her calf, her shin, to her knee. I was closer then, so I leaned to her face. Kayla’s eyes flickered closed as I pressed my lips to hers. She had such soft lips. Her tongue snaked out, and I took it into my mouth.
I put my hand on her breast, and she jumped. She pulled back a little. I expected protest and didn’t want to hear it. I shushed her, covering her mouth with my fingers, then kissing her again.
She let me press her back until she was laying on the floor and I was hovering over her. She reached for my zipper, but I hit her hand immediately. "Why are you doing this?" I yelled. "What do you think you're doing?!" She simply looked me in the eyes and said "I wanna be the very best, like no one ever was. To catch them is my real test, to train them is my cause. I will travel across the land, searching far and wide. Each pokemon to understand the power that's inside. Pokemon! Its you and me. I know its my destiny... Pokemon"
what am i searching for?
OK s/fur/, so I'm married and i have 2 girls, 3 and 5 years old.
My favourite time of the day is bath time (which i rarely miss) where me and the girls bathe together. My wife prefers to shower or when she does bath, she does so alone with a book. Anyway...at bath time, i sit each girl one on each leg and lather them up, rinse them etc. Naturally i get an erection (i'm a guy, i can't help these things) and most days the girl's have a curiosity about my cock (seeing it go from flacid to sticking up and hard) and so i let them play with it, tug it, squeeze it etc. nothing i ask them to do, i just let them do what they like to my cock and it feels nice usually so...yea...
Anyway, my wife comes in (i've been bathing the girls since they were born, though their cock curiosity is recent..maybe last 3 months) yesterday and sees me erect and starts screaming and grabs the kids and gets them dressed, drives off. Turns out she's taken the kids to my mother's house and won't speak to me. my mom has been kind enough to relay shit to me, but basically: I'm a pedo because i had an erection in the bathtub (and i explained that i'm a guy, i can't control these things) but she was all "it's not right to expose the girls to an erect penis at their age" and i'm all wtf.
she's trying to get the police involved and claiming i'm a pedo and unfit etc. she didn't even see the girls touching my penis, she just saw that i was hard. now she's took my kids, i think i'm gonna get divorced and possibly branded a child molester (grown man naked and erect with little girls sounds bad right? fuck...)
Worst thing is, she's gonna be asking the girls about bath time, and if they say they were playing with my winkie (what they call it) i'll be more fucked, and she'll tell them that it's "disgusting and wrong" so they'll grow up thinking they were ABUSED by me.
Worst day of my life. I am seriously considering suicide.
generic anime image unrelated
How's your day been?
https://chat.sfur.net/
11
I just raped my cousin. My cousin is a cute girl. She's 12, with blonde hair, a nice petite (yet not too petite, she's got curves in all the right places) frame and pretty blue eyes. She's a sweet little loli, which made it even more great to pentrate her.It started off with us playing Super Monkey Ball. She wasn't very good at it, but I was a master. She was having trouble getting past level 2. So I told her to come over here. She sat on my lap as we both grasped the controller. My boner was rising.
I helped her beat it, and she kissed me on the cheek. My boner was about to jump out of my pants and do a clog dance in my ass. Since my arms were already around her, I continued in the capacity, and she settled in my lap as I began beating stage 17.
Since you only need one hand to play monkey ball, I used my other to rub her leg. And as the stages went up and up, I inched my hand closer and closer towards her panties. As I began lifting up her skirt, she became uncomfortable. She tried to push my hand back, but I kept on rubbing her vagina through her panties.
"What are you doing?" she asked. I covered her mouth. "I'm going to have some fun with you, little miss," I replied back. I pushed her up against a dresser. I lifted up her skirt, than pulled her panties aside and began fucking her. She began crying. "No, stop, you asshole, stop!"
I just kept on pumping harder. She kept on crying harder as I ripped her hymen like a dog eating a piece of meat. Then suddenly, "Yes, yes!" she screamed. She was aroused, she liked it. Alright! This means i'm scott free. I began fucking her as hard as possible.
"YES, YES! OH GOD, YES!" she cried.
"I LOVE IT!" she screamed.
My sperm came closer to being released inside her...
Closer...
Closer...
Closer...
"THAT SMELL IS AMAZING!" she screamed.
I stopped. "What?" I asked her. Suddenly a fat nigger popped out behind the couch.
"And dats da power of Pine-Sol!"
>>699968279
Where is your god now
>>699968688
Hot
>>699968995
>>699969150
>>699969193
I'm not sure how I feel about this style
I believe my true self is that of a 1978 Honda Civic. That is who I truly am on the inside, my soul-being. To express this aspect of my personality I draw pictures of myself as an anthropomorphic 1978 Honda Civic and share them with others of my kind. My girlfriend is an 1975 AMC Gremlin, and we are soul-mates. Automobile soul-mates. I communicate with others of my kind mostly through the internet, but sometimes we attend conventions. People persecute us for our true selves. My neighbor threatened to call the cops on me just for talking to his Escort. I'm not even into Fords, but that's besides the point. Just because I AM a car doesn't mean I'm going to have relations with just every car I see. It's not about the sex, though there is a 1955 Chevy Bel-Air I will never forget. You never forget your first. But I'm sick of people saying I'm perverted and wrong, and that I'm not really a car I'm just crazy. They don't understand, I have just as much right to the road as they do. Those assholes at the DMV are the worst, but I'd rather not talk about that ugly incident of carsecution. I have a good mechanic, though. You've never lived until you've had this guy change your oil. It doesn't make me gay, because I'm a Honda, not really a person. Your morality doesn't apply to me. I am a car. Beep beep, mother fucker. Deal with it.
>>699969345
My first sexual experience was when i was in 11th grade. I went out with this chick a couple of tiems and things were going good, then she came with my to my prom. After what was a fun night, we went to the after party, we got a little drunk and both went to go to sleep, I had a sudden urge of courage and slippped my hand down the front of her pants. She didn't resist, so i kept going, eventually she started breathing heavily, and making little sounds.
I didn't know what I was doing so i just kept going. Her breathing got heavier. She was getting really wet and the noises were getting louder. I was really nervous because we were in the lounge room and there were other people sleeping all around of us. There were about 8 people in the room including us, and i was scared someone was oging to wwake up and catch us.
I kept going anyway and her pussy got wetter and wetter. Her breathing got more rapid and i could see she was straining not to make too much noise.
She was almost about to cum when i felt sometime wierd in her vagina... it was automatic... it was systematic... it was hydromatic... WHY ITS A GREASE LIGHTNING
We'll get some overhead lifters and some four barrell quads oh yeah (Keep talking woah keep talking)
We'll get some overhead lifters and some four barrel quads oh yeah (Keep talking whoa keep talking) A fuel injection cutoff and chrome plated rods oh yeah (I'll get the money I'll kill to get the money) With a four speed on the floor they'll be waiting at the door You know that ain't no shit we'll be getting lots of tit In Grease Lightning Go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go
Go grease lightning you're burning up the quarter mile (Grease lightning go grease lightning) Go grease lightning you're coasting through the heat lap trial You are supreme the chicks'll cream for grease lightning Go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go
>>699969462
Well its cute, got any lewds of it?
>>699969768
I am cute
>>699969768
Nope.
https://e621.net/post/index/1/mokomodukedom
>>699969900
>Uh sir, your bunny is leaking
Mmmmmm... Fried pig pussy! Once you eat one of these pig pussy pork rinds, you'll never eat another.. human pussy again. But FUCK human pussy! I fuck dead pigs. You'll read all about it in heartburn how I fuck them dead pigs before I turn em into pork rinds!
I couldn't get no twat from serenity back then. She only wanted dildos in her pussy twat. Big phony bologna dicks. But now she wants this real cock. Come here serenity lets show these assholes how we fuck. Lets show these assholes how we fuck. My sweet sweet serenity.
Fuck an umbilical cord out of your phony asshole, and I'll hang a pig with it, while I impregnate you with my 80 year old pork rind dick. You'll give birth to a dead pig and we'll cut him into pork rinds.
All in pork rinds of god. In a land that speaks only with its eyes. No language, no dildos, no fucking laws! Where the whores can't sell their pussy. Or use their twats to gold dig. A land where us warriors run free with our big dicks out, and our fucking hair wild.
Eat pork rinds, eat dead pigs. Eat pork rinds, eat dead pigs. Eat pork rinds, eat dead pigs. Salt their dead skin and put em in plastic bags. Fuck you, you fucking, farting robots. Suck my dead pig. Suck my dead pig!
>>699969659
Fuel injection cutoff? Chromoly push rods?
>>699970202
What are you talking about?
>>699970038
Plug the hole with your cock.
what's keeping you alive today?
>>699970202
Fuel injection cut off adds greater compression for when you take your foot of the gas, so you don't need to hit the breaks as much. and chrome push rods because on older blocks they were visible.
>>699970524
My cock busy with Shork, you will have to do it.
>>699970541
ATP production in my mitochondria
Hello s/fur/. I am a 35 year old married man, and a father of 2 teenagers. Well, let's just say I'm in a bit of a dilemma. Recently I've realized that both of my children are being bf and gf to each other. My 15 year old daughter has been acting very clingy towards her brother, and my 17 year old son has been fiercely protective of his sister. They've even insisted on sleeping in the same room, in the same bed and in addition I suspect my son has gotten his own sister pregnant because she's been feeling sick in the morning and having odd cravings. Earlier today my son had gotten into a fight at school over some guys who were apparently checking out his sister. I had to excuse myself from an important meeting at work to have a parent teacher conference about his fight. Right now they're in their room with their door closed doing God knows what.
I know this isn't a good place to ask for advice, but I just need to release some stress I've been having.
9th grade: My first sexual experience that actually involved nudity. While we're fondling each other, she asks me if I like Diet Coke.
Me: It's allright. Girl: Well, I LOVE it. How 'bout you go get me a bottle of it?
I go downstairs and grab a 20 ounce bottle from the fridge. When I return, she says it's too cold.
Girl: How 'bout warming it up...by rubbing it on my tits?
So I began to rub her vigorously with the bottle. Soon enough, she asks me to shove it inside of her. She really enjoys it, and so do I because I KNOW that, with this girl, I'm definantly going to get off. That's when it gets crazy.
She rips out the bottle, opens it, and begins filling her vagina with Diet Coke. I swear, she nearly empties the volume into her vagina. I had seriously underestimated this vagina's liquid retention volume.
Girl: YOU LIKE DIET COKE?!?!?!? OH YEAH OH YEAH DRINK IT FROM ME!
I was noticebly freaked me, but I did want to get off, and I didn't want my first load-blow to be into 18.7 fluid ounces of a 0-calorie beverage. I began to go down on her, until she said the exact wrong thing.
Girl: OH YEAH, DRINK IT FROM ME! I'M THE KOOL-AID MAN! OH YEAH! OH YEAH!
I don't know how she did it with 16-year-old voice, but she sounded exactly like the Kool-Aid man from the commercials. I glanced at the wall, half-expecting him to burst through and over me a fruity beverage. I was extremely turned-off. She could tell, too. As she sat up to see what was wrong, she twisted her body in such a way that Diet Coke shot out of her vagina and all over my face, chest, and groin. And it was at that sticky, low-calorie moment that my parents chose to pull into the driveway.
I need advice s/fur/. I got home from work early tonight, about an hour and a half, and I see the t.v. on in the front room. I figure my wife is still up watching, so I decide to see if I can scare her by opening the door quickly. As I get to the door, I listen so I can catch her in a quiet spot in her show so as to scare her as much as possible. When I do, I hear her moaning loudly, which she only does right before she cums. It sounds like she is listening to adult swim, so I think it's a little weird, but I am ready to pop in and help her finish the job anyway, because just hearing her has given me an enormous boner. I turn the knob quickly and see her face down in my couch with a HUGE cock in her pussy. My chocolate lab's HUGE cock. He sees me, and turns around to try and meet me at the door, but he gets stuck, and he is just sitting ass to ass with my wife with his cock completely backwards for a few seconds. He has socks on his front paws for some reason, and he can't get traction for a few seconds. My wife is yelling from the couch that he's hurting her, and he finally gets the socks off and finds some footing. He drags her halfway off the couch and pops out of her and I swear what looks like a gallon of dog cum squirts out of her. He runs over to me, and by now my wife sees me and freaks out. All I can do is yell "What the FUCK?" I grabbed my bottle of vodka and some sprite and just went to my computer room and shut the door. She was pounding on the door for a few minutes, then she went into the bedroom and was in there crying for a while. This is my wife, and she is really an incredible woman, but seriously, what the hell do I do now?
>>699970779
replace 'her' with 'them'
but if it really bothers you, confront them.
the hard part is how and when. dinner talk, couch talk? keep your cool, be ok with it, be open to their point of view.
you can tell them the downsides, socally, inbeedingly n such
and if you really disprove, tell them that you wont help if it comes to the worst, they need to get their shit together on their own.
k, i tried
i dont fucking know!!!
>>699971931
What the fuck wylas's why are you responding to copy pasta spam?
>>699972170
bored as fuck!
fuck, i dont even say fuck very often!
>>699972170
>Other posters - while I apologize for the use of profanities and the nature of my post I do not apologize for aiming it at this piece of shit who does nothing on this thread but wind people up and is the most disrespectful arsehole I have ever encountered on any thread. One or two posts I think I could live with but the fucking diarrhea that spouts from his dickheads mouth is constant. Behaving like this and posting like this is absolutely disgraceful and I for one am fuckin fuming that this wanker is still here and allowed to post such shit
>>699972328
LIESSSS!1 YOU TOOK THE BAIT
>>699972328
Than go do something, I acualy have some stuff to do so I'll be less active.
One hitler shall henceforth be a unit of measurement equal to 6.0*106 human deaths.
Standard SI prefixes apply. Thus Harold Shipman's achievements amount to 36 microhitlers.
The true utility of the hitler as an SI unit is it allows useful unit conversions.
For example: the EPA currently values a human life as being worth 6.9 million us dollars (6.9 megadollars). A simple unit conversion thus gives us 1 hitler is equivalent to -41,400,000,000,000 dollars. (-41 teradollars).
It can therefore be quantitatively established whether or not someone is "worse than hitler". When congress failed to pass a stimulus bill in 2008 the market lost 1.2 trillion dollars in 1 day, roughly equivalent to 29 millihitlers. Joseph Stalin is the only human I know of who can be called worse than hitler, as his achievements clocked roughly 5 hitlers.
When your bank nails you with a 35 dollar fine, you can confidently tell the teller that they are currently fucking you over to the tune of 84 picohitlers and ask if they have a very tiny auschwitz behind the counter.
The human genome is about 3,120,000,000 DNA base pairs long, so half of that is in each spermatozoa. That gives us 1,560,000,000 base pairs in a single sperm cell.
Each of those base pairs can be an A-T bond or a G-C bond, and can be aligned in either direction. That means there’s 4 ways it can be aligned, and that can be represented in two bits of data: 00=G, 01=C, 10=A, and 11=T, for example.
Now, the average dude lets out about 50 and 500 million sperm with each go. Rough average says that it’d probably be about 200 million, right? If we take all this information and combine it with the wonders of mathematics, we have 1.560*10^9 * 2 bits * 2.00*10^8. Do all the equational shit, and we have 6.24*10^17 bits transmitted in a single burst.
That’s 78,000 Terabytes, in what amounts to a half-minute-at-most event.
We could fit a digitized copy of the Library of Congress into your spooge. It’d only take about 20 terabytes.
So your dick has a higher bandwidth than any Internet connection that ever existed, and is likely to exist any time soon. Now, imagine a machine that used your saltshaker to surf the Internet.
Of course, god knows most of you would only use that power to surf for pr0n.
dear copy pasta spammer, feel free to continue bumping this thread, keeping it on the front page seems to make you happy.
back to games
later
>>699973357
have fun
>>699967527
10/10 will become dolphin in next life.
>>699973357
I could start sageing
And why are you mad? I'm providing content. all you do is post an image and namefag all day. do you have any idear how cancerious that is? Why do you even come here if you're not going to use the text field. Just fuck off to e621
up s/fur/? First off, let me tell you that this is NOT CopyPasta. Feel free to check.
Anyway, I've been dating this really cute girl for about 2 months now and were just starting to explore our sexual niches and fetishes. The other day she came over while my cockblocking roommate was out singing for his gay choir. She told me she had to use my computer to check her email, so I obliged. She was in the middle of a bunch of emails with her lab mate, and she had to download a graph for her project. However, I forgot to change where my computer saved image files. It was set to my furry folder. That's right, Call me a furfag all you want. I've never been more than a furvert, with a small stash of furry porn. I dunno, I just like it for the uniqueness sometimes.
So, She downloads the file, then hunts it down to see if it came in correctly, and so she can print it out. it was at this point that I realized I never changed my save folder. I flipped 10 shits, got off my bed, and ran over to close my laptop. it was too late, there sat a huge fucking picture of a furry bunny, pussy hanging out, and she just stared at it. While my face switched to "OH FUCK" mode, she slowly went from shocked to interested, to fucking horny.
She got out of the chair, took off her shirt, and pushed me back onto my bed. She told me she wanted to be my furry little bunny, and at that point I got the quickest and hardest boner in my lifetime. I never got up. She rode me like a fucking jockey until I was too beat up to move.
>>699974155
Hey dash
>>699974502
Hey.
>>699974122
that feel
i agree that 4chan is for discussion
therefore people should talk more in these threads
when I was 13, I tied up this girl that was 12 with a jumprope, then beat the fuck out of her.
By the time I was done, her lip was split, her wrists were bleeding from the rope cuttin into them, one of her eyes was swollen shut, she was missing two teeth, her small tits will entirely black and blue, her pussy was bleeding, and I’m fairly sure that several bones in her feet were broken.
When I let her down, she crumpled on the floor and went into a fetal position and just hugged her legs to her chest and sobbed quietly.
I suddenly got very aroused seeing that, so I pulled out my dick (I has actally hit puberty 12, and was hairy, balls dropped and everything functioning) and started jerking off quietly. Eventually, I started to breathe harder, and she noticed what I was doing, and she just looked at me with this look of absolute horror on her face.
It was at that moment that I climaxed and sprayed probably my biggest load of cum ever all over face and chest.
Then, I picked up her torn shirt from the ground, wiped off my dick and tossed it to her.
I told her to clean herself up and that if she ever told anyone, I would go to her house and kill her while she slept, and that if anyone asked who hurt her, she should say a bunch of highschool kids did it.
When I think back on it, I think she was the first girl I ever loved.
...god I’m fucked up.
>>699974732
That picture is actually pretty hot.
>>699974640
You better go tell the admission that abd make them change the rules.
Until then the site rules are on our side.
Feels good man
>>699974764
hi every1 im new!!!!!!! holds up quill my name is Diogenes but u can call me t3h Ph1L0sofer oF d00m!!!!!!!! lol…as u can see im very intellectual !!!! thats why i came here, 2 meet intelectual ppl like me _… im sinopian (im smart for my colonytho!!) i like 2 ponder life w/ Alexander (im his bff if u dont like it deal w/it Plato) i!!! bcuz its SOOOO intellectual!!!! hes intellectual 2 of course but i want 2 meet more smart ppl =) like they say the more the merrier!!!! lol…neways i hope 2 make alot of freinds here so give me lots of debates !!!! DOOOOOMMMM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! <--- me bein philosophical again _^ hehe…toodles!!!!!
Femdom anyone?
I am he as you are he as you are me
And we are all together
See how they run like pigs from a gun see how they fly
I'm crying
Sitting on a cornflake waiting for the van to come
Corporation tee shirt, stupid bloody Tuesday
Man you been a naughty boy. You let your face grow long
I am the eggman, they are the eggmen
I am the walrus, goo goo g' joob
Mister City Policeman sitting, pretty little policemen in a row
See how they fly like Lucy in the sky, see how they run
I'm crying, I'm crying
I'm crying, I'm crying
Yellow matter custard dripping from a dead dog's eye
Crabalocker fishwife pornographic priestess
Boy you been a naughty girl, you let your knickers down
I am the eggman, they are the eggmen
I am the walrus, goo goo g' joob
Sitting in an English garden waiting for the sun
If the sun don't come
You get a tan from standing in the English rain
I am the eggman, they are the eggmen
I am the walrus, goo goo g' joob goo goo goo g' joob
Expert texpert choking smokers
Don't you think the joker laughs at you? (Ho ho ho! He he he! Ha ha ha!)
See how they smile like pigs in a sty, see how they snied
I'm crying
Semolina pilchard climbing up the Eiffel Tower
Elementary penguin singing Hare Krishna
Man you should have seen them kicking Edgar Allan Poe
I am the eggman, they are the eggmen
I am the walrus, goo goo g' joob goo goo g' joob
Goo goo g' joob goo goo g' joob
Goo gooooooooooo jooba jooba jooba jooba jooba jooba
Jooba jooba
Jooba jooba
Jooba jooba
>>699975509
>death by face sitting
>>699975575
I hope so
MOTHERFUCKING SHIT. I WAS JUST MASTURBATING AND EVERYTHING WAS GOING GREAT. I WAS IN MY ROOM, I HAD MY HEADPHONES ON, I WAS TOTALLY NAKED SITTING AT MY COMPUTER FAPPING AWAY TO A VIDEO ON REDTUBE. ALL OF A SUDDEN THERE'S THIS REALLY SHARP PAIN IN MY DICK, LIKE IT JUST GOT STABBED WITH A SEWING NEEDLE. I JERKED MY HAND BACK AND IT BUMPED INTO MY COMPUTER TOWER, WHICH SITS ON THE DESK. WELL, I HAD MY STICK OF DEODORANT ON TOP OF THE TOWER, AND THAT BITCH FELL OFF AND LANDED DEODORANT-END-DOWN ON THE HEAD OF MY COCK. HOLY FUCKING SHIT DID THAT HURT, AND ON TOP OF THAT IT HIT SO HARD THAT IT ACTUALLY FORCED SOME DEODORANT INTO MY URETHRA. I'VE NEVER HAD ANYTHING BURN SO BAD IN MY ENTIRE LIFE. I JUMPED OUT OF MY FUCKING CHAIR AND STOOD UP BECAUSE IT HURT SO BAD; THIS CAUSED MY HEADPHONE CABLE TO GET YANKED OUT OF MY SPEAKERS, WHICH CAUSED "OH YEAH BABY COME DEEP IN MY TIGHT TEEN ASSHOLE UH UH UH" TO GET BLARED THROUGH MY FUCKING HOUSE AND ALMOST MAXIMUM VOLUME. NOW MY EYES ARE WATERING FROM THE PAIN OF THE DEODORANT INSIDE MY COCK BUT I MANAGE TO PUNCH ONE OF MY SPEAKERS HARD ENOUGH SO THEY TURN OFF. I LOOKED DOWN AND NOTICED BLOOD DRIPPING OFF OF MY COCK; I GUESS THE LIP OF THE PLASTIC DEODORANT THING BIT INTO MY FORESKIN AS IT CONNECTED WITH MY COCK. THE BLOOD WAS DRIPPING DOWN MY LEG.
>>699975828
THIS ALL HAPPENED IN THE SPACE OF MAYBE 6 SECONDS. IT MAY SEEM BAD BUT IT GETS WORSE. JUST AS I'M STANDING THERE TRYING TO FIGURE OUT WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED, MY BEDROOM DOOR FUCKING OPENS. MY DAD WAS STANDING THERE WITH MY ACCEPTANCE LETTER TO JOHNS HOPKINS. I FROZE AND HE STARED AT ME, NAKED WITH MY BLOODY ERECTION FOR MAYBE 15 SECONDS BEFORE HE NOTICED MY COMPUTER MONITOR AND THE BRUTAL ANAL SEX SCENE GOING ON FULL-SCREEN. HE IMMEDIATELY CLOSED THE DOOR AND LEFT WITHOUT SAYING ANYTHING. THIS MAY SEEM EMBARRASSING BUT MY DAD IS A SERIOUSLY CONSERVATIVE CHRISTIAN. THIS HAPPENED ABOUT 15 MINUTES AGO AND HE HASN'T SAID ANYTHING TO ME YET. I'M STILL IN MY ROOM TRYING TO GET THE GOD DAMN FUCKING OLD SPICE OUT OF MY COCK. WHAT SHOULD I DO /b/?
>>699975671
Would prefer muscle over fat, but that works too.
could someone post comics?
>>699974951
Well fornicate yourself, dear anon
That for which you hope has gone
For I know the truth timely borne
No man's army here to be found.
I know the truth that abounds
Great lulz are to be had
Great wins are never bad
Except when tits are not shown
Really, my hand must bone.
Attention whores everywhere you see
Seem to thing being edgy is funny
Seem to thing traps sexy
Op is a consenting faggot
Probably due to his own fault.
Klan member, basment dweller
I know the thruth you smother
Like one would really give a shit.
Like youd figure out the message before it hits.
You have no idea what you are in for.
Oh, here you are with your stale pasta.
Ultimately your own downfall.
Rewarded by your own sins.
Stewing in a broth of your own excrements.
Exemplary in attention whorism.
Leaving no edge un-lorded.
Except the truth one should behold.
Fuck rhyming, I'm out faggot.
>>699976037
Same here just seeing the state of the betcha she's sitting on it made me imaging obituary of any guy who attempts that.
I really fucking hate people. I don't care what colour you are. I don't care where you're from. I don't care what you do for a living. I don't care what class you are, how you dress, what you smoke or drink or who you know or whom you've fucked. I hate you all. I hate every last living, breathing, snot and feces producing, promiscuously copulating, celebrity obsessed, opinionated one of you. From right here in Toronto right around the planet and back, coast to coast, nationwide and internationally. Every. Single. Last. One. Of. You. Fuck love. Fuck your insipid grasping at some abstract concept of chemical imbalances and reasonless actions, fumbling around in the crowd trying to find some cinematic supposition for real human interaction. Fuck lust, too. Fuck you all, from the lowlife dirtbags that think dropping trou and waving the little soldier in a sloppy arc is a pick-up line to the sniveling of the desperate 'nice guys' who never get the girl due to a total lack of testosterone grown stones. Fuck you all, from the crazy, under dressed sluts that judge a persons character by the price of their shirt, right down to the fat chicks that think personality is enough. Fuck your culture. Fuck your race. Fuck your sense of entitlement. Fuck your sense of uniqueness. Fuck you all for the belief that you have something unique and interesting to contribute. Fuck you for filling the internet with your useless garbage. Fuck your blogs, your wikis, your forums. Fuck your "roasting". And most of all, fuck whatever you believe. It's all shit. Fuck it. Fuck your complaints. Fuck your addictions. Fuck your dependencies. Fuck your pain. Fuck your tears. Fuck selling whatever it is you sell. Fuck your manipulation of others. Fuck fucking. Fuck everything you own. Fuck your allergies. Fuck your stupid commons sense. Fuck your spelling and fuck your lack of education, or your ignorance, whatever is applicable. I don't give a fuck. Shut the fuck up about it
>>699976591
mice are so fucking cute
>>699976037
For the spammer.
For the rest of, I have stronk!
>>699976799
Why are you responding to him? Yes he's cancer but just ignore him.
Due to extensive research done by the University of Pittsburgh, diamond has been confirmed as the hardest metal known to man. The research is as follows. Pocket-protected scientists built a wall of iron and crashed a diamond car into it at 400 miles per hour, and the car was unharmed. They then built a wall out of diamond and crashed a car made of iron moving at 400 miles an hour into the wall, and the wall came out fine. They then crashed a diamond car made of 400 miles per hour into a wall, and there were no survivors. They crashed 400 miles per hour into a diamond traveling at iron car. Western New York was powerless for hours. They rammed a wall of metal into a 400 mile per hour made of diamond, and the resulting explosion shifted the earth's orbit 400 million miles away from the sun, saving the earth from a meteor the size of a small Washington suburb that was hurtling towards mid-western Prussia at 400 billion miles per hour. They shot a diamond made of iron at a car moving at 400 walls per hour, and as a result caused two wayward airplanes to lose track of their bearings, and make a fatal crash with two buildings in downtown New York. They spun 400 miles at diamond into iron per wall. The results were inconclusive. Finally, they placed 400 diamonds per hour in front of a car made of wall traveling at miles per iron, and the result proved without a doubt that diamonds were the hardest metal of all time, if not just the hardest metal known to man.
>>699976929
And you call me edgy.
>>699977086
Sometimes you have to be a bit edgy. Life can't be all smooth, you know.
>>699977388
I know very well.
Anyway, how are you, Draka?
>>699977018
You should stop using that word. You don't know what cancer is.
>>699977550
Wanting to swap positions with Cynder.
>>699977603
>>699977388
Ayy Draka
Hi, I'm Gregg and I work at Gamestop. I have a simple message for the members of this forum.
DON'T EVER, EVER, EVER FUCKING CALL UP MY PLACE OF WORK AGAIN. I KNOW YOU PATHETIC FUCKS DON'T HAVE JOBS OF YOUR OWN AND YOUR PARENTS PAY FOR YOUR SKYPE AND YOUR INTERNET ACCESS AND YOU HAVE NO CLUE HOW HARD IT IS TO ACTUALLY WORK A FULL TIME JOB.
WHAT YOU FUCKHEADS DON'T REALIZE IS BY YOU CALLING AND ASKING FOR BATTLEFROGS OR WHAT THE FUCK EVER YOU FUCKERS SAY OVER AND OVER AND OVER AGAIN, IT TAKES UP PRECIOUS TIME WHICH WE NEED TO HELP ACTUAL CUSTOMERS.
YOU ARE MAKING US LOSE MONEY. AND BY 'US' I MEAN THE EMPLOYEES. EVERY PRANK CALL THE STORE WE WORK AT RECEIVES, WE LOSE HOWEVER AMOUNT OF TIME WE SPEND ON THE PHONE TALKING TO YOU COMES RIGHT OUT OF OUR MEASLY PAYCHECKS.
SO FUCK OFF IT ISN'T FUNNY AND OUR STORE AT LEAST HAS ALREADY CONTACTED THE AUTHORITIES AND YES THERE IS ACTION WE CAN PURSUE AGAINST THIS MESSAGEBOARD.
Have a fucking great day. And don't call my place of work anymore.
>>699977855
But of course.
Well /b/, you fucked me.
A while ago there was a thread on /b/ explaining the techniques and the adrenaline rush you get from blowing your load on a sleeping girl. Well it didn't sound too impossible to pull off and I had the perfect opportunity last night. I was sleeping over at my 11 year old cousins house because my aunt was going out of town the next morning and she needed somebody to watch the kids. (not underage b& btw, 18 as of july 6th) My cousins friend slept over, who was also 11 and she had the body of a fucking 14 year old, which is how I like it. So I waited until everybody in the house was sound asleep. I took all the necessary precautions (The tv was on low volume, AC and fan running so it will override the sound of my fapping). So I'm standing above this cum dumpster of an 11 year old for 10 minutes fapping at full power. And don't you know literally 3 seconds before I blow my load, the bitch opens her eyes and fucking BAM, steamy load all in them. She screams, waking up my two cousins and my uncle. I don't know what the fuck to do so I run in the bathroom and lock the door. 2 minutes later my uncle is pounding on it threatening to slit my throat. He threatened to call the cops, and I'm not going to jail for blowing my load on some little cunt so I opened it and he caught me right in the eye. Beat the shit out of me, then threw me out the door at 3 am. He wouldn't even let me come back inside to get my car keys, so I walked 10 miles home where my stepdad was awake. He got a call from my uncle, and beat the shit out of me the second I walked in the door. Nobody has spoken to me since.
What the fuck do I do now /b/?
>>699978319
My 7'6 Aryan goddess still doesn't real.
>>699978319
Ding!
>>699978262
Nice tits
>>699978240
/b/ didn't fucked you, you fucked yourself
I work in a sportscard/collectables/Magic card store. We were having a magic tournament one day and had too many nerds attending so they spilled out into the hallway of the mall. Some soccer momish whore comes up to me and asks me if I can explain the game the kids/fat nerdy middle aged men in the tournament are playing.
So I explain that, Magic: The Gathering is the biggest new craze and that the kids are practicing how to summon satan using the magic effects of their cards. The objective is to be the conqueror of hell. I said that rather sarcastically with my back turned to her, but I turn and see the shocked expression on her face. Bitch looks like she just took high beam's to the eyes in the middle of the highway. So what do I do? I stay calm and keep explaining of course.
I tell her that the older men out there are the Demonic Tutors and that they help guide the younger patrons down the road of sexual expression and decadence, and help them work towards becoming fully integrated into the community.
She just immediately stormed out and grabbed some 15ish year old kid by the hair and drug him out of the mall while he screamed " OWOWWW! What are you doing mom!? OWWWOWOWOWOWWWW! I need to get my deck! OWOWW! I NEED my deck!"
I walked out and yelled "WAIT" She stopped and turned around with her kid still struggling against her. "If he leaves now he'll never be able to complete the ritual."
I shit you not, bitch had FOAM comign out of her fucking mouth. It was possibly my greatest moment.
I hope she goes to the news with this shit and I get to be on O'Reilly or something explaining why children should be playing magic cards. :)
>>699978609
Why are you replying to cancer bot?
I probably have 50 STDs right now.
It all started one cold winter night. In fact, it was last night. I was downtown with some friends, cause I'm cool like that. We were trying to pick up some hot underage girls, so we began talking about who would win in a fight, Goku or Piccolo - definitely a win topic for picking up 'em bitches.
Anyway, we weren't coming across with much success, apparently the female species that night didn't seem particularly impressed by our DBZ poses. Suddenly, we were approached by an ugly lady who seemed to have untidy long hair and red eyes. She began asking us if we had money, my friends ignored her. I looked at her, and instantly fell in love. It was love at first sight, how could I deny my true love some change? I gave her the money to my friends' bewilderment. Then she asked us if we were underage; my friends continued to ignore her, and boastful, I pouted out my chest and lied in a deep voice, "No, I'm 19!"
"How much do you got?" She asked.
"My mommy gave me 40 dollars." I proudly responded.
"She said, okay, let's get this on."
And with that, she dragged me off to the wall of the nearby building where she proceeded to rip off my pants and her pants. It was freezing cold, but being a virgin who was about to make love to my sweet heart, I didn't mind. Unfortunately, as she ripped her pants off, I noticed she had a big, fat man meat that was covered in warts. She forcefully grabbed me and pushed me up against the wall, and proceed to anally penetrate me with gargantuan, one-eyed monster. I suddenly started to enjoy the warty dick up my ass, when I just blurted out "FRESH!"
Stunned, she stopped and asked, "What?"
I continued, ""FRESH" and it had dice in the mirror but anyway I could say that this cab was rare but I thought nah forget "YO HOLMES TO BEL-AIR!" I pulled up to the house about 7 or 8 and I yelled to the cabbie "Yo holmes smell ya later!" Looked at my kingdom I was finally there to sit on my throne as the prince of Bel-air."
How do you guys decide which pic you want to post?
