Hey /b/
What crimes have you committed?
Green text if interesting story
>>698247181
failed to kill myself
that's a pretty big crime
maybe not legally, but in my mind.
only failures fail
>>698247181
alright FBI calm down
>>698247181
>What crimes
Yeah... I was kind of an unstable guy as a teenager, so...
Sexual molestation (probably a couple hundred counts)
Rape (one count)
Statutory rape (again, probably a couple hundred counts)
Theft (probably a dozen or so, most of which are from when I was a kid)
Assault and/or battery (again, probably a dozen or so)
Fraud (once).
Take your pick, I can greentext any of them.
Aggravated assault X2
Unlawful confinement
Bunch of other shit.
Stories shitty.
>>698247181
I helped a guy hide the body of a man that he stabbed.
>>698248026
Now this sounds good and believe-able. Please tell.
>>698247602
Rape
>>698247181
I want her to sit on my face.
>>698247602
Statutory Rape. Theft if its good.
>>698248269
I've tried this site and it really works!
bump
>>698248220
>be me
>be at a party
>bored, introverted, don't really want to be here, just trying to be nice and not make an ass of myself until my friends are ready to leave
>a cute girl I'd been flirting with earlier walks past me, I'm a bit drunk so I smack her ass.
>she giggles and keeps walking without incident
>looking around the room for a second when I see this tumblrina making a B-line for me across the room
>ohshit
>figure I'm about to get chewed out for "raping" that girl
>Tumblina reaches me, holds out a hand, smiling
>Introduces herself, says she's a friend of a friend, wants to talk
>she's actually pretty cool; smart, witty, a bit pretentious in that "oh i have so many secrets" kind of way, but she's friendly enough that it isn't annoying.
>Even pretty cute tbh, skinny, great tits, cute face, passable ass, bright red dyed hair, plus she has these huge beautiful eyes.
>we hit it off, spend most of the night talking and hanging out
>end up in a room upstairs taking turns playing mario on an old N64
>we get talking about gay rights and transgender people and shit
>I'm the one who actually brought it up, we were talking about family and I mentioned my sister is transgender.
>Tumblrina decides today is a good day to fit her stereotype, launches into this big rant about trans queer mono binary secondhand dominant 9 milimeter genderblend foxkin rights.
>I don't mind tbh, we're both buzzed and she has this really nice, smooth, lyrical voice that's nice to just listen to, even if I wish she'd change the subject.
>Tumblrina asks me about all the hardship my sister must have endured, what kind of support I offer her and activism I do on her behalf
>Tell her that no, my sister actually has it good: hot boyfriend, makes good money, lots of friends, our family and church accept her
>Tell tumblrina that neither my sister or I really do the activism thing, we're both pretty happy as we are
>>698247602
Any stories on the Statutory rape? Which according to Google is sex with a minor? If so what was the youngest and how old were you?
>>698248619
>Tumblrina loses her shit out of nowhere, saying that me and my sister are both transphobes, I'm a mysoginist (no this is not a joke, she actually called me a mysoginist, tho in her defense we were both a little buzzed)
>Tell her that no, chill out, my sister and I just kinda take a "live and let live" stance
>Tumblrina says oh, really, you're totally okay with trans girls then?
>Yeah, totally okay.
>Well then, you won't have a problem sleeping with me, she says.
>Fucking what?
>"She" pulls down "her" pants, she has a penis
>It's actually pretty nice looking, half hard already, Tumblrina is getting annoying but she's still pretty hot
>Tell her that yeah, sure, I'm down for some fun
>Tumblrina looks surprised, flustered, maybe a little excited
>I motion her to come stand by me
>She chickens out, says no
>Tells me I'm a biggot for fetishizing transgender people
>NIGGA WHAT
>I start getting really pissed now.
>Tell her she's full of shit.
>She shoves me
>Knocks me backwards into a pile of boxes and shit
>I get mad, rape happens.
>Lock the door and fuck her ass right there.
>One of the stupidest things I've ever done
>Surprisingly she never told anyone.
>>698248804
My little sister and I had a thing going for a few years. Technically speaking, every time we had sex, it was statutory rape and probably some kind of molestation too.
Started when I was 14 and she was 12.
>>698248825
>her
you raped a dude, anon.
>>698249010
Yeah, but I'm bi and used to trannies, as my older sis is trans.
>>698247181
I bought some marijuana once. I'm a bad man.
>>698248026
Iraq, 2004-2005. We had Iraqi police on our FOB for a training Academy. One of my units troops was hanging around the little walled off area where they would sleep/hangout while not working. Got involved in a card game where bottles of liquor where the prizes. He was winning and getting drunk, then started loosing and getting angry. Ended up stabbing a dude in the throat and ending him. I helped him get the body to the berm surrounding the FOB and burying it there, because I didn't want him to be punished/sent to Leavenworth over a mistake.
Art theft. Not gonna greentxt bc phone is a bitch.
Went to the sawdust art festival.
Its all a bunch of "old money" fucktards that didn't do anything in life, so they became "artists".
All their "art" is cringeworthy & shittier but they shill it out for hundreds if not thousands of dollars.
Saw a stand where some richhippie made some african looking sculpture.
Looked pretty gud but the faggot wanted $800 usd for it.
Would be worth the $$ if it was an authentic african.
After i got done looking at it i left it on his counter and started to walk away.
My female friend approched the opposite side of the counter and startef chatting with hippie about some piece
Since he had his back turned & assumed i had left i took the african sculpture only about 14" tall and stuck it in my backpack.
Fuck rich hippie wannabe "artists".
Saw an art exibit there with work from K-12 students at blew all the richfags work out of the water.
Even talent from as low as 7th grade was better than most of the shit the hippies were selling.
>>698247181
>be me
>be now
>be EMT
>secretly kill an OD patient when I feel like it.
>it's a fucking rush.
>can't stop
>won't stop
>>698249369
nigga this ain't dexter.
>>698249085
There are so many things wrong with this. Statement.
>>698247181
A few dozen counts of sexual assault, one of rape. A couple aggravated assault. Never been caught for any of it.
>>698249465
Okay
>>698247181
Misd. Maintaining a dwelling (convicted)
Misd. Child Abuse (convicted)
Manufacturer of Marijuana With intent to sell, deliver or distribute (charged)
Possession of MJ with ISDD (charged)
Felony Maintaining a Dwelling (charged)
One other felony weed charge with all those, can't remember specifically but it was 5.total.
Child abuse was bullshit, said I left a gun where my kid could get to it, when that didn't stick, they change the story to the grow lights could have set fire to everything.
I download movies and music without paying
killed 6 flamingos in stanely park
b&e's
some other stuff
i fucking hate chileans
none since i'm not a lazy nigger or degenerate taco-bender
>>698248825
Thats not rape your just gay
I ran a red light.
>>698248825
I didn't know this was a 'stuff that never happened' thread
Speeding, racing, out running the cops, drugs selling/doing, rape, there's an argument for murder yet I didn't directly kill, blackmail, extortion, theft, falsification of legal documents, making explosivesure and other controlled substances.
>>698249522
Okay, assuming you're just confused by the admittedly fucked sentence structure, let me break it down.
I am bisexual.
I am accustomed to transexuals.
My older sister decided to be a man one day.
If you're just annoyed at me for tolerating something on 4chan, then go back to tumblr, this isn't your safe space.
>>698247181
I rob a few restaurants and i was in several football firms fights.
>>698249934
Oh yeah, I forgot hitting people is illegal, assault/ battery with a deadly weapon. Pointed a gun at someone point blank but that was self-defence.
>>698249116
Fucking scumbag.
>>698249999
fag.
stole 1500 dollars while I was working as a shift manager at 21 from burger king. worth it. never got caught.
stole a high end laptop from a public library and sold it for 3000 dollars.
>be me
>be a paramedic
>back of the ambulance, blue lights & sirens
>if it's female, unconscious and hot, chances are I'm fingering it at least.
>>698250066
Shit. I've committed allot of crimes. Stole 6 laptops from school.
>>698247181
not giving sauce on that ass is a crime.
I was statutory raped
>go to another state
>vacation
>stay with my dads highschool friend
>they have a daughter
>shes like 21 im like 14
>chubby, homeschooled, kinda awkward
>i dont mind, shes nice and kinda cute
>she and i bond, i get her number
>6 months later
>she comes up to my area
>has family near where i live
>we go hiking out in the wilderness
>december so its actually snowing
>finish hiking and fool around
>get to play with her massive tits
Moral of the story is that sometimes statutory rape is alright
>>698249644
Now for my dindu list
Possession/Trafficking of weed, cocaine, mushrooms, meth, LSD, ecstasy, various pharms.
Possession of stolen goods
Possession of stolen firearms
Transfer of Firearm to felon
Defacing a firearm serial number
Manufacturing full auto weapons
Possession of unregistered NFA items
Possession of a destructive device
Assault with a deadly weapon
Assault with intent to kill or inflict serious injury
Simple Assault
Kidnapping/Unlawful restrain
Burglary with larceny after the fact
Extortion
Fleeing to allude (I wasn't driving)
Smuggling contraband into a secure facility (After I got out, I kept bring my cellmates cigs pills and weed)
Speeding,running red lights/stops signs, reckless endanger, street racing (Just red light takeoffs, not the real shit)
Underage drinking
Contributing to the delinquency of a minor
probably some other petty shit I can't think of right now.
>>698250838
Muh fantasy.
I make moonshine.
I now about a sexual assault on a miner and apparently not reporting it is a crime here.
I use to drive the merchandise for a pot farm.
I carry without a permit.
Forgot to stamp a letter
I once got a speeding ticket.
I'm fucking hard-core m8. Don't fuck with this shit.
You Sir need to spend a bit of time Englishing and spelling. Its a worthwhile study.
>>698247181
Theft? A couple of times.After a while I got bored and started convincing others to steal.Just for fun.I was pretty good at it, I would come up with a plan, and make classmates steal.
>>698250904
fgt 90% of that shit is normal
>>698247181
Sauce on that ass??
>>698253315
>>698250790
Roberta Paulson
>>698247181
DUI then got caught driving on a suspended license a few times... had to do 7 days in LA County jail
>>698253398
Jocyln stone
Assualt
Grand theft auto
Smuggling
Breaking and entering
Just drug stuff in the past like Possession of Psilocybin Mushrooms and Marihuana
Is making someone unintentionally kill themselves considered a crime?
>>698247181
got more of this set?
I stole a Flintstones push pop when I was 6 and ate it with a cop in the same convenient store. Still crazy to think I got away with it.
>>698250904
>underage drinking
Why would you put that in there, everyone is fairly drunk by 15
Um ok
>>698247181
>15
>skipping school
>stole car and scooter
>never caught
>>698248825
kekked so hard
she deserved it, got any pics of her?
>>698254057
well thats a fucking way to spend a skip day
>12
>at school
>gotta leak
>go to the bathroom
>pissing, gets bored
>starts pissing all over
>mfw the principal losses her shit
>never get caught
>crimerider
>>698249526
Tell us about them.
>me and friend where walking down my street robbing cars
>guy yells at girlfriend to hurry the fuck up
>whole group
>say watch your fucking language
>starts yelling and being a dick
>whole group steps up
>be beta and walk off
>moving in a few days
>wake up at five
>tell my mom I'm going to watch the sunrise
>pop the assholes tires
>watch sunrise
>go home
>move the next day
>fucker cant find me since he was a tourist and I now live half way across the country
arson
receiving
TDA
common assault
>>698250904
btw done most of this stuff from this shit list and I never been caught
you must be nig nog,
american fgts, you use nig nog too for niggers, yes?
>>698254627
i didnt catch shit of your story dude
check out my wikia!
http://jewsdid911.wikia.com/
I once drove, without putting on my seat belt...
>>698254602
Mom did a lot of drugs and drank a lot when I was a kid. Years of neglect + stress from working to keep my family supported meant that in my late teens, I gave exactly ZERO fucks about anyone except my sisters.
Mom was the hot club bunny type, so sometimes when she'd stumble home drunk and high, I'd have some fun (there's the molestation). Ended up raping her once when the bitch actually got high in our own house (she was usually smart enough to keep the drugs out of the house).
The assault was just from a couple dozen fights over the years.
Greentexted the whole deal a few months back if you're interested.
>>698247181
Used to steal CDs to order in the early 90s. Made quite good money for a young teen and spent most of it on weed and junk food. Good times. Never got caught either.
>>698247181
Vandalism
Theft
Assault
Shop lifting
Underage Drinking
>>698254830
white boi fucktard, and yes i say nig nog too
>>698254493
I was too afraid to do this in case someone walked into the toilets.
broke into the national theatre
>drink a ton of rum, vodka, gin and bourbon
>smoke a shitton of spliffs
>mind you, this is czech republic, you can smoke anywhere and nobody gives a shit as long as you dont bother them
>speak for an hour with a friend from our group, get pissed at him, leave the bar
>leave my wallet with all my ID's there
>short blackout
>suddenly, I find myself chilling on the scaffolding on the back side of the theatre, smoking a ciggie, enjoying sunrise
>goodtimes.jpg
>i'd like to have another cig, but that was the last one
>justfuckmyshitup.gif
>notice that I'm sitting just in front of the room where stagehands chill
>know that because I know the dude sleeping there, from a nearby bar where we all like to go
>figure he might have a ciggy
>knock on the window
>no reply
>fuck it
>knock on the window with my feet, smash it into pieces, glass everywhere
>leap in
>the dude wakes up real fast: "what the actual fuck man?"
>"man i just want a ciggy, got one?"
>rest of that part is kinda blurry in memory
>but i guess i got that ciggy
>next thing i know is i'm chilling in the theater's smokers lounge smoking my ciggy
>two badass lookin motherfucker cops come and take my ciggy
>"not cool, man, what the fuck?"
>"ID, sir."
>"ain't got any, left it at the bar"
>"what bar?"
>"dunno, got too stoned"
>"come with us sir"
cont?
a weird mutant bug just flew into my room and i gotta kill it, else I can't chill
Crimes besides speeding & dui?
>smoke weed
>save seeds
>build extensive hydro setup
>grow weed better than what the seeds came from
>sell weed
>best friend at party without me
>has my dro for sale
>raid
>hear about raid quickly
>grab cash go to jail to bail
>bail gets set, he calls me
>I'm like "I'm already here to get you out bro
>we leave, pick up weed hoe go back to my place
>tag team 17 year old all night, I'm 30
>drop her at home next day, her mom mad
>sweet talk milf, setup date for 2 hours later
>fucked milf without taking a shower after fucking her daughter
>Smoked weed
>>698255264
Wow what a win, must have been fun.
Got the greentext still?
Vandalism
ShopLifting
Underage Drinking
when I was younger and took taekwondo, I was extremely obsessed with getting a higher belt status. So I would literally steal the belt that is right above mine, I would then mount it on my wall and use it as a motivational tactic to actually earn that belt.
So not too bad, but I still feel fucked for doing it.
>>698255792
Enjoy.
I injected one marijuana...with no milk!
>>698250491
How'd you get away with that shit?
>>698255659
another dude at my school took a dump on the floor once
no one found out who it was.
one day there was just a poop standing on the floor, and i mean fucking standing, that sucker was vertical, funny as shit :^)
>>698255709
Interested. Continue
>>698255905
I'm probably goint to be sexualy frustrated after reading this, and wan't to do some molesting if my own, but thanks.
>>698256221
wtf?
>>698256462
Meant to say of* my own.
>>698247181
FBI pls leave
>>698255905
By the way why did you used to get into fights? Where those issues related?
>>698256536
Yes, because that's totally what he was worried about.
commited a armed robbery, partner stabbed the guy 6 times. wasn't the plan
>>698256536
i can keep calm now
>>698256816
did you get caught? what did you rob? did you get sick loot?
>>698256705
Not really. Had a good group of friends, all loyal, all full of anger and teenaged invincibility. If they fought I fought, simple as that.
Plenty of fights with a step father, but I was young enough it was more likely me furiously screaming at him while he kicked my ass, so I'm not sure that really counts.
> copyright infringement
>>698249644
How is child abuse a misdemeanor?
>>698256883
did't get anything. got caught. life got fucked up. Can green text if interested. but not really good at greentexting
>>698256719
The wtf was because I said I'd be sexualy frustrated? Why is that hard to beleive? Especially on /b/
I hardly ever have sex so when I read theae stories I go crazy wanting to experience the same things.
Beat another guy with a crowbar until he couldn't move. There were 4 of us in total. He had it coming and then some. Found out the next day he was alive, we went to school together. We were all wearing masks.
>>698248825
GTFO with that gay shit
>>698257111
I'm willing to bet it was the "wanting to do some molesting of my own" bit.
Wanting to molest people is not normal.
>>698248825
what was it like?
you think he liked it in the end?
>>698247181
Petty Theft
Narcotics Trafficking
Murder
>>698255905
>that ending
LITERALLY HOW CAN YOU BE A GREAT PERSON AND BE COMPLETELY HORRIBLE AT THE SAME TIME?
>>698247181
I told my girlfriend I was pregnant and that she had to get an abortion and the dumb fuck actually believed me and went in.
how am I, a dude, going to get pregnant? why would SHE get an abortion for MY pregnancy?
dumb cunt
>>698257431
Yes that's what I was talking about, when I see women I want to do stuff, I hold back but sometimes just rub my dick against their asses, never go further.
It's weird how people act weirded out when I was replying to someone who actually did molest haha.
>>698255264
Oh yes I was there. got that thread saved
real movie material that one
>>698257042
sounds like a shitty robbery
>>698255709
>>698256057
>calmly oblige, since i didn't have a drink in a while an am getting tired
>follow them to their car, they drive me to the station
>be a polite citizen all the way, exchange some vanilla bantz, guess they're used to more agressive kind of drung
>we file a report, dude tells me to empty pockets
>a pencil
>pack of cigs - so i had them after all, fuck
>bag of weed, less than a gram left - cop's in a good mood so he throws it in the garbage and ignores it
>next stop sobering-up station
>shrink looks at me and says to the cops
>"the fuck, he's not drunk, he's perfectly fine, get the fuck out of here, that dude is your fuckin problem"
>cops are like "but we measured 3‰ of alcohol in his blood"
>i burst out laughing and am taken away
>fall asleep in car
>wake up in custody
>get pretty good schnitzel with potato salad for free as lunch
>they release me that very afternoon
>charge me only with disorderly conduct and a small fine
>have good laugh with the officers and realize that i'm supposed to be at work in an hour
>get to work, everyone's like where the fuck have you been? everyone was scare as fuck, and you didnt answer phone
>"just went out for a ciggy mate"
totally worth it
I killed a homeless guy in southern Vermont
>>698257762
I don't know man, it was like twelve years ago and I was drunk. As far as enjoying it goes, I don't know. I couldn't really see whether or not she/he was hard or not, but I could tell he/she was no stranger to anal, so your guess is as good as mine. Wasn't really much of a struggle.
>>698247181
over the past 5 years i have probably stole over 75,000 dollars worth of shit
>>698247181
I pirate software to make music. Cause I have nothing good into jobs that are useless. Making music is fun!
>>698258532
cool
>>698258481
>>698255709
do you call them "ciggys" because you're a fag?
>>698258397
Aaaay, /b/ro,
>>698258361
Yeah but I wasn't a fucking creeper about it.
>>698258741
Kek I know this bait.
What I do is mild, you raped your mum. There's no honourable wat to go about it.
>>698258687
too many aussies in town influenced my english
>>698258932
Yeah, but think about it. What I did was motivated by years of repressed anger from neglect and having her responsibilities to my siblings pushed off onto me. Some might say that what I did, while not justified, was certainly understandable.
You just rub your dick on random women who ain't done shit to you.
>>698258523
you piece of shit
>>698259224
don't let them do that you, queer, be your own person, say it because you take cock up the ass and not because some degenerates do it
>>698259294
Justifying this hard.
Topkek when you're a rapist stereotype.
>>698258532
did you cum inside?
>>698247181
I once "baked cheese pizza" of my self.
>>698259350
don't care, bub
>>698249369
that's it I'm calling the police
>>698259437
Shut the fuck up, that isn't even me, it's just some asshole baiting you.
>>698259294
Wtf, is this a bad dream? I'm actually beginning to this this isn't bait. You seriously think you can justify it?
Raping your mum is not a normal response to anger! You're crazy. Be honest, your actions were motivated by sexual desire. If you wanted to get back at her that's not what you would do, she's not even aware of it.
occupancy fraud
>>698258677
bad man ting
>>698259391
i take cock only in my mouth
can't use ass because hemorrhoids
>>698259753
It is bait, just like 90% of the stuff here
don't know if it's really a crime, actually need some advice
several years ago was the first person aside from the CEO hired at an electronics based company. started in CEO's garage, and was there for the first few months.
helped strategize the business and within a few years turned it into a multi-million dollar business with a couple dozen employees. transitioned into upper management.
past year or so CEO and new hired friend/cronies started stonewalling my ideas while crashing and burning the company. was grandfathered into the company from the early days and wasn't made to sign shit (no NDA, NCC).
left recently and took a copy of ALL the IP with me. valuated at a few million. haven't done anything with it yet.
don't know even how to sell to a competitor or find a proxy, or if residual IP laws are in effect protecting me. i'm guessing i need a lawyer but it would be nice to get some insight.
>>698259753
Again, that's not even me (the guy that posted the story), it's just some guy baiting you.
>>698247245
Yeah, that's pretty sound logic.
No story. Short version. Shortly after high school grew and sold almost 100lbs weed which let me buy a car and pay off half a house. Don't do it now. Guess that's why I'm not in prison. Don't be greedy.
Continue please..
>>698248825
>>698249897
yes, because no one ever raped a pretentious tumblr girl
>>698247181
Stole like 10 500$ credit cards. All verified. Twas easy
I have been sentenced several times for burning different things, fields etc.
I think I'm pyromaniac. I just love fire.
>>698249522
There's so many things wrong with that fullstop
>>698260606
Got any stories?
>>698260021
Oh fyew.
I also take creep shots. The most memorable time was when I was on my way home from work and get on the bus, look straight down to the back, and there is a girl about 10 or 11 sitting directly in the center wearing a skirt skirt (her dad is in the seat next to her), her legs are wide open so I could see everything, I couldn't beleive my eyes, she's really pretty too.
I get my phone out excited, snap two pics, looking forward to them when I get home. Het home open gallery, the front facing camera was selected, so photos of my face. I was so mad.
>>698253967
be me cop
>oh look a kid eating a popsicle how normal
end.
>be broke
>no jobs anywhere
>rob local bank
>get caught
>jail-3 years
>>698260530
Howd you cashout?
>>698248825
needed it
>>698247181
>Import drugs
>Sell drugs
>Get Caught
>Currently waiting to go to prison
Let me tell you anons what side dooring someone is.
>be me
>be with friend
>feel like niggers
>be addicted to drugs
>need money
>decide to rob people
>start hitting cars, walking around at night check handles to see if they're unlocked and stealing shit from them.
>get a few house keys and save them
>months go by of just this
>then one day we graduated from niglets to niggers
>decide to hit a lick on a house
>spend a while watching the house
>kids go to school during the day
>mother leaves early, father leaves a bit later
>one day it's storming hard
>its tiem
>out in the country, not much around the house
>run up on the house from behind
>jump the fence
>back door is a sliding door with a bar lock, no use
>go to the side of the house and check the door
>unlocked.png
>go inside
>steal shit
>leave
>buy drugs
>get high
This is how I discovered that most people don't lock the side doors to their house. I've only done about 4 home invasions in my life, never got caught.
>>698261246
Fredo?
>>698247181
Threatened times square like a retard and currently being investigated
>>698260791
Okay, to clarify, it WAS me that said, "At least I wasn't a creeper about it."
While yes, that was bait/a joke, it's getting more real all the time. I at least hurt someone who hurt me. Much like all the times I got into fights, it wasn't moral, but I never did it to a little girl or some random chick on the fucking street. While I don't think what I did was justified, I do actually think what you do is worse. My actions were those of an angry teenager lashing out at someone who had hurt them for years. I'm not proud of it, but it's understandable. You... You're just some sad creep masturbating on innocent bystanders.
>>698249999
You're a complete faggot. But checked
>>698261495
It was really you, then the ither anon got csrried away and added the second part? We need trips.
If it's true fuck you.
DWI
Pretty lame, but fuck it:
>be me
>be 4
>riding bike
>Neighbour has a gravel driveway
>Friend of neighbour has a new, black Corvette parked in said driveway
>Neighbour and friend leave do do shit
>bored
>try to race them to end of street
>they flip me off as they beat me
>Think I'll bury the Corvette
>In gravel
>Try several shovelfuls of gravel, give up shortly after
>few hours later, cop shows up to my door
>oshit.png
>Lady's car scratched to hell
>Dad makes me apologise
Pic unrelated
Gang related activities
>>698260751
>go to see my friend
>decided to go through the field because it's quicker
>Stop a massive pile of wheat bales (bales of wheat?)
>Spark a match
>Throw
>In a mere second the whole pile is getting devoured by majestic element of destruction performing its dance
>Keep staring at it
>Forgot to run because I was stunned by its beauty
>Got caught
I have burned s lot of things in my life.l Iike wood on campng, Forrest, fields, old car, hobo, different materials or substances etc I always carry something like matches or my Zippo.
Even when I play games I only play fire related characters.
I
>>698258424
it was. yes. because my partner stabbed the guy. he fucked everything up.
Driven a motorcycle high as fuck on two occasions.
Broke the arm of a "friend"
Broke the same guy's nose
Sprained another "friend"'s leg like 4 times, each to the point of needing crutches for weeks.
Smoked weed a couple hundred times
Done shrooms a handful of times
Done 7 tabs of lsd
Tried cocain once
Smoked crack once
Underage drinking
Pety theft as a kid
Lied to the police during interrogation(illegal?)
Wake 'n baked before school for months
Only ever got caught for weed, once, had been working on a story just in case for weeks anyways so it went well, 1 year of random drug tests and 2 years probation.
>>698261676
>responds to a nuanced moral argument with fuck you.
Okay, looks like we're done here then. For the good of society, I hope the police catch you soon. Have a good one.
>>698247181
I smoke weed. I'm in Washington so that's not illegal in itself, but we're not supposed to do it outside in public and sometimes I do anyway.
>>698262064
It's because I'm not sure if it's really him, I'm actually 70% sure it isn't. I'd look stupid writing a paragraph explaining my arguament.
>>698262458
Does it really matter if it's even him? The guy makes some good points. A person lashing out at someone who hurt them is quite different from someone satisfying their own lusts on unsuspecting people.
>>698259798
I just want a job that is fun.
>>698247181
Lit fire to a bunch of shit back in the school days
It got pretty serious but they didn't have shit on me so the school just blamed an annoying kid with adhd for it
I almost got him expelled, would have been nice
>>698262794
You have to be joking, I'm not having a serious debate with a troll that just want's a reaction.
You're probably said troll, trying to fuel the bs. I'm not an idiot.
>trespassing
>breaking and entering
>vandalism
>arson
>drug trafficking
>bootlegging
>shoplifting
>petty larsony
>pirating
>speeding
>driving while intoxicated
most while i was underaged
no charges
>>698248825
>Anon fucks a trap
>Because of less-tan-sufficient lubrication, the trap bleeds a little
>Anon is a faggot and his sperm is thus saturated with oestrogens
>The sperm enters the traps bloodtream
>The oestrogen works wonder and a new uterus appears in the anal orifice.
>It gets pregnant
>Anon has made a rape-baby
>>698263232
>People making good points
>Want me to explain myself
>M-Must be TROLLS!
Um... Okay.
>>698263106
Almost forgot to mention I filled a backpack full with drinks from a store, waved and walked out, think it was about 25 cans or so
>assault
>trespassing
>possession
>underaged drinking
>j-walking (such a rebel)
>distribution
>>698263820
The op literally told me anon was a troll, please give up.
Theft, twice.
>>698263956
NIGGA, I AM THE OP, pics to prove, and while it isn't my argument, you have to admit, those guys have some good points.
>>698264338
Get a life dude.
>>698264573
>These guys are just trolls!
They make good points
>B-But... They aren't OP!! I-I don't have answer t-them then!
Here's proof from OP
>G-get a life you LOOSER!!!
>>698264957
>>698250156
moar?
>>698247352
lel
>>698247181
Vandalism. For about two weeks during my senior year of high school a friend and I put up a new work of graffiti art on one of the inside walls of our highschool (no, I'm not black), working through the increasingly intense levels of security the school kept putting up.
>>698247181
>Crimes
Unlawful Destruction of Property (murdered a neighbor's geese)
Vandalism (graffiti, mostly)
Assault (accidentally pushed an old man into a waterfall)
Trespassing (parkour bruh)
>>698266914
>Unlawful Destruction of Property (murdered a neighbor's geese)
>>698247181
I'm not sure what kind of crime it would be, but as a senior prank a friend and I went to our highschool dressed in those white arab robes with the red head cloth thing, and we ran from classroom to classroom throwing empty backpacks and satchels into each room. We then both ditched the robes out of sight and sprinted home
Probably some kind of terroristic thread maybe?
>>698247181
pircay , alot of piracy , basically everything i download is either free or pirated
though piracy isnt really a crime here
god bless this shithole of a country
>>698264957
You're a fucking faggot.
>>698268466
What country?
>>698250838
You lucky dog, you!
>>698247181
Theft, on many many occasions.
Bought and sold drugs in small qtys
Bought and sold drugs in large qtys
Moved drugs
Eh, guess thats about it.
>>698249262
Way to be a good grunt and not let your boy get fucked.
Props to you my dude.
>>698258481
JUST WENT OUT FOR A CIGGY MATE HAHAHHAHAHAHAHA
I farted loudly in public one time.
>>698268887
iran
stole vehicles, stole cash, escaped juvie, sold drugs, pimped out a crack whore, check/credit card fraud, mad duplicate keys, garage openers, those little piece of spark plugs to bust car windows with ease.
Death threats
Selling/importing drugs
Weapons violation (Used to own a handgun wich is illegal)
Breaking restraining orders
Violent crimes (Beating people up)
Been imprisoned two times, 6 months in total
Decided enough was enough and said fuck this shit and started a Masters degree in Biology.
>>698247181
ran over a black kid that had polio even had forrest gump legs (metal supports)
and kept on driving
never got caught
>>698247181
>be me
>8 years
>in a supermarket, at some decorations isle
>steal a single red baloon
>heart racing for the whole day
shit was intense
>>698269537
You are the real deal.
By the way how did you manage to get a girl to work for you?
>>698248825
>>698270120
well i was homeless for like 2months running the streets doing illegal shit, smoking rock. then one day after eating lunch at a church, i met this kinda attractive native american/mmexican girl hurting. so i hooked her up with a fix if she would pitch in for a room. well at first i thought after the first jon she would split. but nope she came back. we chilled for about a week in the hotel room. then i lost contactwith her... her name was cassandra
no crime
>>698270860
Must have been an interesting few years.
>>698247181
Domestic abuse. When my parents died my autistic sister got dumped on my 19 year old bitter angry self. Occasionally smacked her around. She always thought it was her fault tho, so no cops.
I don't regret many things in my life, but...
I'd say the only crime I've ever committed is animal abuse and loitering, though neither of those are really even serious offenses.
The two crimes are even interconnected, really; I wait around a gas station situated next to a heavily suburban, black community and pick up any of the dogs/cats I see making their way to that area.
I'm entirely sure the gas station clerk has noticed me doing it, but it's been a few months since I noticed him noticing me so I don't think he'll act on it.
I guess you can call this a crime
>be in 10th grade
>having firecrackers was considered cool at the time for some reason
>getting ahold of them was very easy where I live
>basically everyone had them and there was at least one really loud cracker going off every break
>decide to step it up
>one day we were bored in the locker room waiting for PE to start (the teacher always let us in way too early)
>I recently saw some of my friends from football training (I´m Eurofag) dropping firecrackers into toilet bowls
>the result was that some water splashed out of the bowl and almost always hit the ceiling
>edgy 10th grade me wanted to show that to my friends at school
>what I didn´t realise was that my football friends were using really small firecrackers basically the smallest ones available
>I was about to light up a firecracker we always called "C-Firecrackers" which are the big red ones
>drop it into the toilet
>everyone takes a step back giggling
>and then it happens
>THE WHOLE FUCKING BOWL EXPLODES
>ALL THE TOILET WATER STARTS POURING OUT
>holyshit.mp4
>I get into ultra-panic mode and started begging everyone not to tell it to anyone
>me and my bros immediately closed the door to the bathroom (it was directly connected to the locker room) and put a shitload of paper towels at the bottom of the door so it won´t leak through
>we quickly leave for PE
>when we return it slowly started smelling like piss and everybody changed as fast as they could
>luckily we were the last ones to use the gym that day so it didn´t come up until the next day
>the locker room was "out of order" for a whole month because it didn´t stop smelling like piss
>9th grader who also had PE that day and was known for causing trouble was accused of the whole thing
>he had to help out the janitor during every lunch break for 2 months
>all my friends kept quiet
>mfw
>>698247181
>Be me
>Be good islamic boy living in a western country with my parents who instill a strong pride in me in my Muslim heritage
>Live in a suburb that is basically a muslim enclave, there are a few lower class white people around, but they are few and far between
>Start to hang out with a new group of friends, met them through a friend of a friend, start to have a lot of fun and hang out with them more
>Their leader is hardcore in his faith of Islam, seems a bit extremist to me, but you hear him talk and you can't help but be engaged
>Some of he shit he says about the corrupt west and oppression of muslims makes sense.jpg
>Eventually make it into their inner circle, my parents are happy that I'm not sitting in my room every night anymore, hang out with this new group every day. They become family.
>Eventually get asked to go on a pilgrimage to Mecca with my group
>It is my duty as a proud muslim, and is my calling to make this great trip at least once in my life
>Gladly accept.web
>Parents are overjoyed and pay for the trip out of their life savings
>Get to Saudi Arabia by plan and are picked up by a group of slightly older men at the airport. They have a few vehicles to fit my group into.
>We drive for hours, and shortly we have left anything resembling a city or town
>Start to feel bad man
>My group leader starts to tell me that our pilgrimage isn't about a holiday resort to Mecca, but that Allah has called us to become the true spokespersons for his cause, and that our pilgrimage must start further afield, in Syria
>So many questions but it turns out we are to become the soliders of allah and the only place we can learn what we need to is by crossing the border into Syria where more of our brothers await to train us for our mission
Cont?
>>698271066
yeah bro, it was. but i always think about it. where i've slept. the random people ive came across, just that thought of whats gonna happen tonight...
>>698271488
>pick up any of the dogs/cats
What are you picking them up for?
I don't seed my torrents
Underage drinking
Underage smoking
Shoplifting
Made illegal explosives
Blew them up in a public place
>>698247181
assault
>was bullied badly
>have metal thermos on me
>apply directly to the forehead
>blood everywhere
>years later
>see bully
>massive scar on eyebrow
I feel kinda bad about not it, but also think he deserved it. I'm glad there's a statute of limitations.
>>698247181
One time is stole a candy bar from a gas station in texas
>>698272488
You should feel bad about it you would have taken his eye.
This way, I think it's fair.
>>698271719
I make them fuck, cull off the litter (if there is any; I usually make the dogs fuck the cats) and then have my fun with the adults until it's time to pick up a new set.
These niggers never learn, either; there's at least three or four of these pests wandering out whenever I go to collect.
I worked as a vet assistant for a while so it's pretty easy to neuter/declaw them, but I don't always do; sometimes it's a little more fun to feed them an irritant (jalapenos/black powder works pretty well) to get them fighting.
>>698247181
i live in the third world and want to share my 'crimes' with you.
I fixed a certain machine owned by German 'mafia', that stole and still stealing from EU and 2 other countries indirectly, no more to say.
I hide a certain 'thing' which belonged to Gaddafi , while the french soldiers been looking for it and died in vain.
Also , cyber crimes, guess i did all of em.
>>698247181
i've torrented
>>698249999
Nice quads, you man fucking faggot
i sometimes pirate tv shows
I was 17, about to go home from school. I was the last one to leave the room so I was supposed to put the laptop back in its box.
I went in the computers room, put back the laptop at its place and stole another one. The next day I took the charger.
It took those assholes about four months to figure out a laptop was missing. They still don't know who stole it.
>>698273500
Nigga what
Do tell about this thing that belonged to Gaddafi.
>>698249367
Laguna Beach thug life
Life was so hard in LBHS, that shit bred some real hard niggas
Possession and distribution of marijuana
Possession of drugs on school campus
Breaking and entering
>>698273195
How exactly do you make a dog fuck a cat?
>>698273195
woah, anon. I'm not sure that still qualifies as "[not] ... really even serious offenses"
>be me
>parisian 20 years old boys
>me and and "friend" do a burglary in a boat-shisha-bar
>break a window and steal 700€ of shisha each
>that make a lot of material without car
>tired.png
>lot of couch everywhere
>me and my friend fall asleep
>3 hours later (approximately at 5am ) i'm awakaned by porn sound
>check my phone, it's not that
>see 8 meters away a drunk couple fuck to us
>wat.png
>take discreetly the last shisha and go away with my friend
strangest burglary of my life
sorry for my horrible english, french school are crap for this
I worked in a nursery home, seen and did a lot of shit. Funny but also kind of cruel
>>698276883
greentext?
Affray
Assault
Burglary
Theft
>>698259294
I support you and feel bad about you, young Caligula
Your greentext was actually really well written and if it wasnt bait I liked it
>>698247602
Statutory rape for 100, Alex
>>698247245
great lyrics
Break and enter, mischief over 5000. Walked through the open front door to a closed down arena. Smashed old light bulbs that were in a box. Fucking retarded bullshit
>>698259591
Greentext?
>>698247602
Shiiit, is that pic from Vagabond? I need to pick it up. Also I'd love to read your fraud story but I'm off to bed.
> Stopped at little christmas shop
> Assholes are selling pre-decorated trees for thousands of dollars
> Cheapest tree is $22,000
> Selling ornaments for hundreds of dollars
> Cheapest ornament is $250
> Pretentious fucks everywhere
> "Accidently" trip and destroy entire display and knock over a $35,000 tree
> Use the insuing chaos to pocket an overpriced ornament
> Refuse to pay for damages
> Walk out
> Look at ornament
> It's a fucking pickle
> Price tag says $350
> Hang ornament on tree every year now while lulling about the whole thing
>>698258932
No lie, if I saw you do that to my girl, I'd fucking lose my shit on you. I wouldn't call it mild.
>Hacked a Runescape account
>>698278585
I'll have to look at for her, what does she loom like and what line does she travel on? If she's got a nice ass ass I definitely will.
By lose my shit, I mean I'd probably slit your throat and fuck the hole.
>>698278538
fucking kek, m8
>>698277130
Not sure if illegal, but fucked up
>go to check om my section before my shift is over
>last room is fat fucking landwhale who happens to be a massive cunt as well
>open door, it fucking reeks
>turn on the lights
>landwhale is kill
>its usual to find people dead from time to time, som it doesnt freak me out
>the fact that we have to clean her dead body, does
>i call the desk and they send up some other nurses
>set her up straight, close her eyes, make her kind of presentable
>no matter how she looks, it stinks like a Vietnamese POW camp in there
>after two hours, the body has to be cleaned
>shift leder orders "someone" to do it
>not a single person in the entire nursery wants to do it
>cant really blame them, landwhale had dirt growing between her massive thighs
>also just absolutely disgusting
>we argue a bit, then it hits me
>we work together with social services, they send us people looking to get back in to the working world, mostly cleaning people
>get one of the nurses to get the poor soul who had a cleaning shift that night
>small and little Indian named Achutan
>he arrives, and walks in to the room
>cant stau there for more than 5 minutes tips
>we argue a bit with Achutan
>pay him 60 dollars to take care of the mess
>I drive home and go to sleep
>Achutan quit about 2 weeks after that
>always felt bad for him
>>698250439
You ever put it in?
>>698272544
Fucking hard man
>>698279068
huh, interesting read. thanks!
>>698252026
Where do you live, Kentucky?
Anyone ever rob a drug dealer? How did it go down? I'd like to hear about it
Once got someone arrested for child porn on their computer... because they stole a bunch of shit from my (then) girlfriend on habbo hotel. Basically, she was a dumb bitch and got scammed out of her account. I contacted him, pretending to be cops, got him to give back her account, but he had already gotten rid of all her shit, so I tricked him into downloading some shit, then copied a bunch of CP onto his hard drive, then anonymously tipped his local police... who were really bored and raided him.
I killed a man. I got kicked out of my home and I tried robbing a guy with my knife. He punched me when I didnt expect it. I shut my eyes and couldnt open them for what felt like a few seconds but it probably wasnt even one second. I tried cutting him a little but I stabbed him in the chest. I didnt want to let him go so I stabbed him two more times then took his shoes, wallet, and watch. I kicked him in the head to make sure he wouldnt remember me if he lived. The watch got robbed from me while I was sleeping and the wallet just had 12 dollars in it... the shoes werent even good
Hot grills that like to party are easy targets when they are on drugs.
>>698248291
>>698277606
see >>698248937
I can greentext some of it if there's a lot of interest.
>>698279598
Nope. Norway.
>>698279600
Go to shady twitchy meth dealer in my region. Shady muthafucka deals out the back of this alley, uses ghetto kids as lookouts and makes them take the cash while he handles the drugs. The kids drop the money in a location and he distributes the drugs once he get's confirmation.
>be me
>be in need of some cash after hard times
>go to twitch mcfuck face
>give the kid that approaches the agreed sum
>go further down alley to where the shady fuck is set up
>he goes to shake my hand gangsta style where he will palm me my little nickle bag
>As we shake I southpaw my firearm and pistolwhip him in the face
>I scream empty your pockets!
>gun is pointed at his head so he does
>take all his drugs and kick him in the head (he was laying on the ground.webm
>never went back to that alley
>>698247181
>None
Because I am not a nigger or mexican
>>698271653
Syria is not even close to Saudie arabia.
>>698280006
do you know how you got raped in your sleep later that year?
That was me
>>698280721
>not going back and robbing the kid too
8/10, though. Takes balls to do.
>>698260458
That was a man, dude
>>698281268
Make me laugh that the problem people have with this story isn't the rape and isn't the probably false nature of the story, it's the fact that he used the wrong pronouns.
Guess tumblr and 4chan aren't so different, kek.
>>698280807
Bro, it's one road that passes through Jordan away. We of course took some off track trail though so it did take a while then if we were going by road. Getting into Syria was relatively easy, getting back out was a bit more tricky, the whole point though was to make it seem that we had never been to Syria since it's a red flag on customs and immigration. But they can't say shit about my religious need to go to mecca
>>698281701
Okay, I'd assumed your story was going to be shitty bait, but now I'm curious.
>>698247181
well I just got busted for driving on an expired license, $86 ticket and 3 points a grand total of 18 hours after I found out it expired
>>698255905
mass emailed my high school an extremely inappropriate email via a teachers account
>>698249999
That's not how this works faggot
sexual assualt
fraud
trafficking
petty vandalism
assault with a deadly weapon
shoplifting?
and tons of traffic and assorted nonsense like public intox I'm sure
never been caught for anything.
>>698249999
>If you're just annoyed at me for tolerating something on 4chan, then go back to tumblr, this isn't your safe space.
>>698283666
I want details on the fraud, the sexual assault, and the petty vandalism if it was interesting.
>>698281701
bump for interest
>>698259224
It's fucking great cunt. Expand your vocabulary with some aussie slang.
>>698249369
The ride never stops...
I've escaped from the cops on my motorcycle a couple times.
>>698282308
>I suppose you could say I'm part of a sleeper cell once I got back from my trip
>I actually started to feel full of regret the second i got home and my parents asked for details about my pilgrimage
>lying to my parents felt horrible.jpg
>Started having a lot of self doubt, questioning my faith to allah compared to the love of my family and what it would do to them if they learned about what I had been trained to do
>Started seeing my new group of friends less and less, started working a second job as an excuse
>They cornered me one night as I was leaving this hospitality job I had, appeared out of the shadows in the parking lot and shoved me into my friends van and sped off
>Took me to this abandoned building and sat in in a chair while they all stood over me
>I had instant flashbacks to some of the stuff that happened in Syria.png
>Started shaking, worried they knew I had lost my resolve.
>This brotherhood made it clear that to foresake their cause was to forsake allah and to do that was to make you an infidel that must be cleansed
>They knew
>I was shaking and hadn't come to any of their meetings, I was busted
>They dragged out one of the twitched out white boy stonners that lived in our suburb and threw him on the floor
>Didn't really know him but saw him around, he kind of stood out in our neighborhood of almost exclusive muslim population
>>698284189
>defrauded target canada out of some thousands of dollars as they went out of business
>fingered some weird chick that passed out on my lap
>went through a graffiti phase
nothing very interesting eh?
>molested people
>assault
>all the drugs
>starting riot
>all sorts of vandalism
>Internet crime?
Idk what the fuck isn't breaking the law in the land of the free anymore.
>>698249999
checked you fag
>>698284982
Story for the first five, please.
>>698284975
It was a bit anticlimactic.
>>698284904
>He didn't recognise me, he was so high I don't think he even knew where he was
>My brothers started speaking in arabic, shouting slogans from our training camp, telling me that I had to prove my resolve and prove that I was still a loyal soldier to our mission, that I hadn't gone soft
>I was drenched in sweat, so many regrets.jpg
>All I could think about was my good, upright family
>They told me that I must act now and prove my commitment to the cause or be exposed
>I knew what they wanted, we had done this many times in training with captured western tourists and aidworkers
>I stood up, walked over to the guy twitching on the floor, raised my work boot and kicked him squarely in the chest
>I will never forget that crunch
>I don't know why it effected me so much this time when it didn't the other times, maybe because this was someone from my home town?
>I didn't want to do it, but the angry yells from my friends, the fact that I had seen what happened to people that didn't prove their commitement to the cause... the next few kicks and stomps came automatically on instinct
>Within a few minutes twitch wasn't breathing and my brothers were yelling applause at the top of their lungs
>>698284904
If so, this is a stupid place to be. The reason the anti-CP board rules got put in place int he first place is because FBI and NSA cybercrimes divisions actually watch the chans, watching for CP and exchange of information on illegal actives.
I fucked a jew woman, form that day on, I've been walking on shame
>did loads of drugs
>sold weed and made shake n' bake, sold it too.
>sold mushrooms for a short bit
>piracy
>shoplifting, a lot of that as a teenager
>trespassing
>sexual molestation
>statutory rape
>ran red lights
>recently went right on red, grazed another car
>animal abuse
>vandalism, sliced my ex's tires
>B&E, literally just to find a place to crash at with my friends
>a couple minor robberies when I was hooked on dope
>speeding, reckless driving
I've done a fair bit of dumb shit, but the majority of it was when I was young & dumb. Never caught though, minus the recent red light infraction.
San Diego 2002 hit a black guy with car. Killed him. I didn't stop. Saw it on news the next day.
Cleveland Ohio 2003 killed road rage that followed me home. She was drunk and furious and chased me into my house. I tied her up and ditched her car. She put up a fight. Kept her alive in bedroom tied up. Fucked her a lot. Her body is in lake Erie.
speaking of crimes I could use abit of advice how can I use a stolen credit card and or remove the funds from it without getting hit by the abc boys, as a side note I have a SSN and an ID on this guy and hes a complete rich fag THANKS GUYS!
>>698280516
Do it
>>698288030
>little sister was cute and curious, I was horny and rebellious, sex happened.
Not making a full length greentext at the very end of dying thread.
>>698247181
Remember the zodiac? He lives in Walnut Creek near Mt. Diablo
>>698288550
Start another thread
>I had experiences with my older stepsister.
>>698289205
If you want to start an incest thread you go right ahead and go that.
>>698289439
Stepsister isn't really incest. Especially when newly-met (teens)
>>698269663
>imprisoned
>6 months total
No you were not in prison, you were in county jail
>>698289668
So you want to start a new thread for things that are almost but not quite incest? Have fun.
> green
