ITT: We are in an office
The stories and information posted here are artistic works of fiction and falsehood.
Only a fool would take anything posted here as fact.
Only a fool would take anything posted here as fact.
ITT: We are in an office
Why are we in an office?
where the fuck am i
i dont work here
i was fucking masturbating and now im here
are you going to force poisoned potato soup into my bowels
>>698114192
So, what, you don't want to be in this office? I think we all know what that says about you.
>>698114081
*faaaaaaaaart*
Someone left a floater in the toilet again! Damnit John, was that you? Flush the dang toilet!
>>698114407
Go fuck yourself Mitchell you know the reason why my nickname is John NoHands
Hey IT nerd my computer froze again, come fix it!
>>698114192
Daniel needs some computer help, go see what's going on
>>698114483
Did you try turning it off and on again?
>>698114483
Sure *installs adobe reader*
Hey I'm the big boss.
I told you to have those reports in by Monday?
>>698114081
are you correcting the record?
WHO SET MY WALLPAPER TO MOONMAN?
Hi. How are you?
For gods sake, can any of you fuckers in Industrial Services do any fucking work!!
Who the fuck replaced all the printer ink with cumlube?
>>698114081
that's not an office, that's a stall they put idiots in to minimize the damage they're doing. notice how at least on person is always doing something that distracts the others? that way no "work" gets done. brilliant way to contain the stupid!
QUIT EATING MY FUCKING LUNCHES JEREMY
>>698114926
Sorry, I thought it was milk
>>698115012
>Blasting Moon Man
Who the fuck sent this memo?
Yeah...I'm gonna need those TPS reports asap. Also if you could come in on Sunday that'd be greeeeeaaat.
How's everyone doing, anyone else hear that 747?
Who the fuck put sonic on my canvas!
How amazing is to work in the Twin Towers.
Alex, can you tell me the date pls?
So I found this note next to my empty lunchbox, which one of you is M4gicM3m3
>>698115385
I sent them, Check your email for any Dubs.
this coffee is cold. oh, it's 5:39, I've been here 39 minutes too long. I'm just going to drop everything I was doing and go home.
>>698115476
Its Jeremy, that fat fuck
Bring me my fucking coffee, Jack
>>698115476
You didn't need all those tendies anyways you fat degenerate. I swear to god you're a pathetic excuse of a human being, you should just kill yourself.
WHO FUCKING FARTED?!
>>698115755
OMG I'M PRETTY SURE IT WAS JEREMY
>>698115748
Jeremy detected
Anybody have that Memo of the meeting yesterday?
Amanda where's the reports that I asked LAST MONDAY?!
> Put neighbor's stapler in jello.
> Fucking the only non-rancid girl in the office.
>>698115748
Jeremy I swear to god I will shit on your desk
Don't mind me fellow working adult men, just on my to the job department to pick up my new work.
yes business, business business.
>>698115987
Ffs Jeremy, FUck off
>>698115946
Yeah, it has the exact same actions as last week but no-one fucking did anything!!
Where are we stationed? Because 4chan, I'm guessing its one of these...
>>698114585
WTF DANIEL you got so much malware, what the fuck kind of websites have you clicked on
does anybody know how to uninstall bonzi buddy and virtualgirl?
>>698116216
Maybe it was that hacker called "4Chan"
>>698114585
Daniel, why are you looking at cp again?
Hey, Todd here. New to the office. What's shakin?
I DECLARE BANKRUPTCY!!1!1
>>698116313
Delete system32
>>698116147
Alaskans are the best at an heroing?
>>698116380
Jeremy being a faggot
Let's lock Daniel and Jeremy in the janitor's closet.
>>698116404
thanks pal, seeya at lunch? just got my 12 year bonus, so I'm gonna go to the good side of the food court. maybe get me a big smoke burger.
>>698116007
Oh shit, Jhon NoHands vs Jeremy Fatass, this is going to be fucking great
Why is there jizzed in my keyboard? who dafuq came in my keyboard, srlsy anons its nasty
>>698116531
You wouldnt mind getting me a soda, I'll pay you back.
BOSS HERE: Because of budget cuts, our office has been downgraded, also Asians have joined us.
>>698116555
I'd say I have the advantage because I have no hands to break
>>698116453
And jhon declaring the war
>>698116736
sure thing, sport
>>698116771
BOSS HERE: Because of budget cuts, our office has been downgraded, also Asians have joined us.
I forgot the image...
>>698116771
Ni hao I am Ping
>>698116453
John, did you finish those TPS reports yet? I want them on my desk by the end of the hour.
>>698116910
你好柴草
>>698116910
Yeah, nice to meet you Pong. Fucking chink, I bet you can solve this rubik's cube in ten seconds. Fucking degenerate.
>>698117066
他媽的殺了你自己
Todd here, slipped some cum into Jeremy's coffee
>>698117066
Nice to meet you too white sir. Rubiks cube is autist's puzzle in China
>>698117174
Chinki faggot, fuck off.
>>698117010
Already put them there, Have fun reviewing them, And have a nice weekend :)
>>698117351
我他媽的會找到並殺了你
>>698117234
Fucking faggot.
You know, Hitler probably wasn't that bad of a guy
>>698117472
We're in Murica for a reason faggot, speak American faggot
>>698117631
它的英文，不是美國的柴草，知道你自己的語言他媽的
>>698117234
>slipped
>>698117631
>Speak American
Guessing your a Trump supporter then...
>>698117295
Pst chang leng Ling, I heald Jelemy ate all chinesses lunch
>>698114081
Hey guys Sarah from accounting is at it again.......
>>698118033
Jermy is ass emperor
Hey guys I'm the new temp...what do I do exactly?
>>698114483
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7PYIH4dnL3I\
I got here as fast as possible.
>>698118360
you are following me to the bathroom where I shall sodomize you, and it is expected of you to enjoy it
>>698118360
Just hide your lunch, HIDE IT
Why is my keyboard all sticky and smell funny?
>>698119200
that's leng, think nothing of it
>>698116894
IT here, niggers are stealing the computers.
FW: FW: FW: FW: FW: FW: FW:
Did everyone sign the birthday card? Don't forget there's cake in the multipurpose room
>>698114081
/ϟϟ/ Sieg heil /卐/
>>698119405
How the fuck did they get in?
>>698114483
I got this *installs google ultra*
>>698119525
vents
>>698119516
Who the fuck let this neo-Nazi in?
>>698118923
Ok ....but I don't know what that means tho.
Right here to the right ?
>>698119405
hey IT guy, the office firewall is a wall made of fire ?
also I found some funny tasting brownies on the fridge
>>698119765
yes, right there to the right, I'll be with you in a moment.
>>698115156
It's the new 5 year plan.
>>698114081
Man, i would hate to work in a shit place like that! imagine working every dam day of your life in an office like this...is wage slavery dude.
>>698119405
Don't worry the neo Nazi will deal with them>>698119516
>>698119516
>>698119914
OK.
>>698114850
Hey, Mike. I'm pretty dandy, lovely weather we're having, aren't we?
>>698120104
shall we begin?
>>698119914
DUDE WTF ARE YOU DOING ? STOP PLEASE .
>>698120079
Janitors applaud the efforts of the Nazi's in dealing with the nigger problem, we still cannot get the smell out of the bathroom.
>>698120079
we'll need them to gas the vents aswell, I think that's where they're coming from
Hey guys, i'm going to put my sandwich in the fridge. Can you please not eat it. Thanks.
>>698120242
I'm following the regular procedure
>>698114483
Have you put it in a ticket?
Do you guys hear screaming in the restrooms?
>>698120242
Keep the noise down will you? some corgies are trying to read..
Wait.. How are we in this thread if we are in an office?
>>698120566
that was nothing, think nothing of it
Oh, fuck. I think I have diarrhea and theres no way I'm making it to the bathroom.
>>698120420
Who would want to eat this abomination!?
>>698120566
Hey boss man I found the dubs you where looking for
Guys can someone help me with this report on Trump Supporters?
>>698120747
My mother prepared that specially for me.
>>698120738
bathroom is occupied by 698119914;
>>698120738
Don't worry anon, you can shit in my mouth
>>698114081
I did work in an office, sales no less, fuck that shit.jpeg.
>>698120738
>>698114612
Underrated post
>>698114612
WP
>>698120897
Nevermind how about a banana?
>>698120498
/This. Anon here actually works in an office or in IT
hello im new to this office where do i start?
>>698121305
Everytime you see a Hitler thread say HIAH!
Temp walks out of the restrooms without his dignity but only his cellphone in hand .
>>698121061
Thanks anon
>>698114612
Fuck , , ,
>>698121305
Wow...I'm gluten-free
>>698121399
>>698114081
OH SHIT THERE ARE AIRPLANES COMING WAT DO
>>698121587
>>698121413
Temp proceeds to call 9-11
>>698121619
EVERYONE PANIC
>>698121619
Jello?
>>698121590
WILL YOU ALL PLEASE SHUT UP? I'M TRYING TO WORK HERE!
>>698121323
Yep, work in an office. I'm a developer so I don't have to deal as much with the day to day hassles of fixing peoples machines. They've put me with the regular IT crew though, so I get to listen to it. Fuck man, I've got open tickets from 2014, I don't know why people even bother opening them for me.
>>698121619
Xenu will save us
>>698116147
Wisconsinite here, and the map is not accurate. We are proud of our binge drinking, not ashamed. I think we have something like 12 of the 20 drunkest cities in the country.
>>698114081
Who, has taken, the FUCKING STAPLER AGAIN! JANET! WAS IT YOU?
>>698121675
>>698119526
lol, I wanna read that again. can you forward it to me, Jeremy?
>>698114081
hey mate did you know that im vegan?
FFS all of you get back to your desks! It doesn't take 20 fucking minutes to make a cup of coffee!! And eat your breakfast at home; you're not a chef and the break room isn't a god damn restaurant kitchen.
I should have never asked for that management position...
>>698122057
Sorry Joe, I used them to staple the temp's mouth shut after I sodomized him.
i found this open on your computer, rick
explain?
>>698114612
Fuck, I remember this
>>698122381
HEY, you don't get to roll play as me
>>698122500
Oh, I wasn't the first to sodomize him?
>>698122663
So there are two of us then...
>>698121925
>>698116147
Oklahoman, this is pretty accurate
>>698122748
3, temp is pretty vulnerable
>>698120420
Today's fridge cleaning day and I don't see a date on it. I think I'm supposed to throw it out.
Eh, Anon's good folk though. I'll just leave it for now.
Hi I'm officer Eric , I work at with the police department, I got a call about a rape accusation with a temp .
>>698122428
>>698122322
I just came back from the cafeteria, a pie fight broke out.
Who the fuck put my stapler in jello?
>>698122908
Someone get the shovel, we've got a problem here! Janet that means you ya lazy cunt.
>>698123095
FOR THE SAKE OF FUCK I HAVE TOLD THESE ASSHOLES A THOUSAND TIMES...
You need tech support? I don't have time for your chicken shit bullshit!
Well at least I'm getting $16/hour
>>698120341
Don't worry the neo Nazi will do that and if there's any Jews and gays just let him know
also his name is bill by the way.
>>698122196
YES, and I've seen a million pictures of the alpacas you're raising. I don't need any more hand-knitted dish rags.
>>698123180
I ain't Janet, but I was the first guy, I'll need a shovel, a knife and a condom, but first lead him to the restroom
>>698122908
Wasnt me officah joo joo cachoo
George, if you eat my lunch again I'll punch your pregnant wife in the stomach.
Its high noon....
>>698123233
Sir to talk to a representative please click one for Spanish please Click 2 more options click 0
Jerry, we've got another customer on the line complaining about some anti-semetic content received through their post. You haven't been using our contacts list to spread this bullshit again have you?
>>698123407
Officer, the temp's in the restroom! Come quick!
>>698123248
>>698123426
>>698120566
I think the neo Nazi killing one of the Jewish people in the office
>>698119516
.
>>698123652
also ask bill if he can gas the bathrooms after we're done there
>>698123426
Right sir......ummmm ....I'm gonna have to see The Man In Charge of this operation
>>698114612
>>698121061
>>698121178
>>698121553
>>698122428
Is this it?
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=G9duxzL8Dfw
>>698123762
Fuck off Jim Sterling
>>698123832
Thank fuck we have Sherlock Einstein here
>>698123768
Ohhh so that's why they asked maintenance to build a gas chamber in the basement, well how was I to bloody know??...
MONKEY!
Just an example of the laughs we have here.
>>698123931
He's been here for years, didn't you know?
>>698123790
sure thing
>>698114081
wouldnt it be funny if we did the harlem shake? xddd
>>698123790
TEMP - HELP!!!!!!
>>698122908
It's a very competitive position, officer, and we only hire the best. I have trouble believing our temp would commit a crime like that. Can we move this talk to my office? I don't want to disturb the other employees.
I'm Mr. O'Brien, by the way. I'm the Director of Public Relations here.
>>698123880
Fuck off yerself.
>>698124091
It's fine Temp that was just your initiation, everyone here does it, right guys?
>>698114612
Brb reading this goat green text again
![I6wNrca[1].png](https://i.imgur.com/V5PYOug.png "I6wNrca[1].png")
>>698123931
>>698123999
Got imgur link
>>698124091
>>698114081
Some of you are alright. Don't come into work tomorrow.
>>698124124
Sure , it's just that one for your employees said that the temp was in the restroom , I have reason to believe that the temp was the one who was rapped and you sir are covering this thing up.
>>698124283
>>698124404
Too late, I beat you to it! Allah hu ackbarrrrrrr
>>698124676
Fuck off back to your cupboard dave, no one likes you anyway. Cunt . . . and your jokes are shit
>>698124404
Look bob we all know you won't shoot up the place leave it to bill the neo Nazi gas all of us.
>>698124448
Oh, I apologize, I misunderstood you. Here, I'll have someone get you a visitor's badge so you can reach the bathroom.
JANET, COME GET THIS MAN A VISITOR'S BADGE.
She's a fabulous employee, but doesn't hear too well.
>>698114804
Fuck off john its better than your old mlp wallpaper
>>698125025
Her ear was cut off by bill the neo Nazi for her parents being Jewish but she christen.
>>698116894
THEIR TAKING OUR JOOOBBBSSSSS
>>698125025
Shit we need to hide the temps body
>>698114081
EVERYONE GET IN
https://discord.gg/d9TFr
https://discord.gg/d9TFr
https://discord.gg/d9TFr
OFFICE /B/TARD DISCORD
>>698124811
Shhhh...just take it...
>(takes a ruler and imitates a knife movement to your throat)
HR can't do shit because I am HR...
Hey guys, I brought in my AR15 and my glock in today. Who wants to bet I'll get 72 virgins today?
>>698114804
I think bill did it he is a Nazi after all
>>698125534
Nigga, that's a guitar and a buttplug. You eat the shrooms from the dumpster again?
>>698125693
Fuck you Tyrone these shrooms are quality.
*ringringring
"""Hey it's me, your boss. Anon, you really fucked up. I want you to tell me, how you plan to fix it. Otherwise YOU'RE FIRED. Come to my office immediatly!"""
>>698125025
OPEN THE DOOR ITS OFFICER ERIC , WHO IS IN HERE. IM GONNA COUNT TO 3 IF YOU DONT OPEN IM GONNA SHOOT.
>>698122322
Ey nice dubs, boss.
>>698125468
>>698124448
Could you at least wait until this fine officer leaves my office before you interrupt?
Sometimes I really question this open door policy of mine.
Oh, I think that's my phone. Excuse me, I have to take this call in the other room.
JANET, CAN YOU TAKE CARE OF THIS PLEASE?
>>698114081
Can someone throw me a pen ?
>>698125854
Just stfu, you grab one for me or nah? I gotta steal some coffee packets in about 10min.
>>698125913
Gas the niggers Jews and the gays.
>>698125693
Hi, am I through to Autism Inc.? My name's Melody Hensley and i'd like to make a formal complaint regarding one of your employees.
Use of the term 'Nigga' is completely unacceptable when used outside it's rightful appropriation of African American citizens in conversation such as 'Sup ma nigga' and 'What down nigga'
The term is also acceptable when refering to black on black violence such as 'fuck of whitey, else me n my niggaz gunna pop a cap in ur ass'
Unfortunately the use of this term without the proper environment or precautions has lead to my development of PTSD and i shall have my attorney contact you shortly regarding the terms of the legal case.
>>698126065
I'll give them to you on one condition: give Officer Eric AIDS.
>>698114081
can it be de_office?
Not another fucking meeting
>>698125923
Please sir, there are no blacks in here, however just a few doors down you'll find a ripe office full of black lives matter activists
>>698119989
We will go bankrupt in 3 years with this shit, Marco.
>>698119526
ultron
>>698125923
I'm confused as to why you're here sir, if there were any blacks here today bill probably would have already taken care of them
>>698126373
WE'RE FUCKING LATE, GET UR FUCKING ASS IN HERE NOW PRICK. WE'VE GOT A GOOD NUMBER OF SALES REPORTS TO ANALYSE
>>698126373
Its how worthless people justify their jobs.
>>698126952
not this shit again
>>698115409
Kek
Jet fuel can't melt steel beams.
>>698114081
Paul, would you just put in a service call to IT for monitor stands? Those boxes on your desk literally look like you have garbage on your desk.
>>698126863
DONT LIE TO ME YOU SON OF A BITCH , I KNOW YOU HAVE THE TEMP I HERE , OPEN THE FUCKING DOOR.
>>698126952
I think gas chamber doing pretty good
by the sales of it by neo Nazi bill
>>698127198
Fuck off steve, i may have garbage on my desk but at least my wife hasn't thrown my 'garbage' into the streets! How's the divorce anyway?
>>698127244
Fuck we need neo Nazi bill to gas the temp
where the fuck is he?
>>698127543
Fuck, Bill's on lunch break, we're gonna have to just paint the temp black, wait for the officer to break the door, and launch the limp body at him, hoping he shoots it.
>>698127543
I think he is at the meeting I hope it's not a long one
>>698127543
The temp was killed .
>>698127316
We expected that though. We still need to analyse the sales here in America. We need new ways to create obsolescence and continually force new products down the consumers throat.
>>698127824
Stfu Steve it's no time for jokes.
I say we paint the temp black .
>>698127824
The temp was killed?
This is gonna be a fuckton of paperwork
I'm not working overtime for this shit
Hey guys, you think you could make it to my big bang theory party this friday? :)
Guys... Do you see a plane coming towards us?
>>698128270
I would say we should put bill on overtime but
he will probably gas us all
>>698128450
no just heading to the world trade center no big deal
i dump the coffee out the windows
>>698128838
Oh, thank god. Nobody cares about those heretics.
>>698127529
Look, man. I don't usually care, you know that, but we have customers getting a tour next Tuesday. That's why the dress code was temporarily elevated that day, remember? We need everyone's workspace to look clean and professional by then. Plus, I really think you'll like the extra desk space they provide. I've got some, they're great.
As to my divorce, surprisingly amicable after the initial blowup. We both took a step back and agreed that we're both great, different people, who maybe shouldn't be married to each other. Paperwork and proceedings should wrap up by the end of September. (Thank god we never had kids.)
>>698128450
Don't worry, it'll turn left like it always does. Aaaany minute now.
hey guys have you seen bill a round there is a lot of Jewish people around the office we need them to leave.
>>698114612
>>698129050
We have a tour next Tuesday? Fuck we need to stay away from bills cubicle a lot of swastikas a round
>>698129155
all taken care of
>>698129631
>>698129050
Wait a minute. Didn't we ask Bill to make the PowerPoint? Please tell me someone gave him the corporate template so he doesn't use his own again.
>>698130423
He's gonna put swasticas on it again
>>698130423
no one gave him the corporate template so we are pretty much screwed up big time.
Someone put a copy of Anne frank's diary on bill's desk were the fuck should we put it?
>>698131553
Into the trash it goes
>>698130725
>>698130969
Gosh darn it.
Okay, I'll go get the PowerPoint from Bill and clean it up. I'll meet up with you guys at the usual bar later. Have a large order of onion rings waiting for me and we'll pretend this never happened.
>>698122399
Kirk sent it to me! I was gonna report it to HR but I-I kept it because it gives me funny feelings.
SUP BITCHES MY NAME IS CHAD IM JUST WALKING BY, I NEED HELP WITH MY COMPUTER COME FUCKING HELP ME
>>698114081
my powerpoint just crashed. i need a tech guy!!
>>698132120
FUCKING NORMIES GET OUT OF MY OFFICE REEEE
>>698114081
THE SEWER KING HAS DIED!!!!!
RIP
PAY RESPECTS
>>698118563
>>698132120
Don't ask bill for help if your gay or a Jew and even if your not he will set your wall paper to a swastika
>>698131681
>>698130969
>>698130725
Boys, we are SAVED. Bill's PowerPoint just crashed. >>698132175
>>698132632
Someone send IT a message not to let Bill have working Powerpoint until Tuesday. Make vain attempts, but DO NOT FIX.
Make sure Visio is functional, though.
Hey Sarah got any spare bifters? Got a break in 5 and I'm fucking gasping.
>>698133046
On it. I'll get that young man who's been helping everyone with Adobe Reader. He seems like he knows how to play along for the team.
Who the fuck put scat porn pictures all over my cubicle
>>698133539
I'm not letting a jew fixing my computer he better quit or get fired
I have called this group meeting as it has been through to my attention by Tom that many of you are bullying Bill. This is even more concerning as it is due to his religious views. Tom did not give me any names but if I receive complaints against anyone from Bill or any of the other members of staff that are offended by this disgusting behaviour then you will be fired with no severance pay. No exceptions.
Also I have received a complaint of one prankster posting obscene images, the subject of which I have been informed is called 'scat porn', all over another employees cubicle.
This is your last warning, get back to work.
hey some shithead clogged the toilet I think it was rob.
Bemp
WHO THE FUCK SMERD SHIT ON MY CUBEITAL WALLS IT AVERYWHERE
Holy fuck there is a homeless man in the air vents someone get him out here.
Fuck i cant stand this any longer. Someone in here got some fucking weed?
>>698135432
Get me the fucking fire extinguisher ill gas the jew
>>698135620
Yeah ask the black guy that bill is about to kill
>>698135715
Anon, HR needs to see you.
>>698135620
The usage of marijuana by employees is prohibited in this company you know that. I'll see you in my office tomorrow.
>>698114081
Is that orange alarm for when i run out of Iron Bru?
>>698135802
Bill dont kill that fucking nigger just jet. I need his weed.
Hello guys I am new my name is Aaron I have been arrested for arson 47 times I served 12 years in prison so yeah.
>>698135857
Ohh come on i've seen you snorting coke in your office. dont be such a dickhead
>>698135857
Sweet, I love hotboxing offices.
