Stupidest shit youve done while horny
The stories and information posted here are artistic works of fiction and falsehood.
Only a fool would take anything posted here as fact.
Only a fool would take anything posted here as fact.
Stupidest shit youve done while horny
Sucked a log of shit out of someone's ass hole
Lost my virginity to a landwhale from the internet who owned ferrets, which doesn't really have anything to do with sex but as a rule people who own ferrets are fuckin' weird.
Put things in my butt.
>>698004855
Like what?
>>698004535
Why?
>>698004399
Shoved a pin rolling pin my ass
>>698004399
Rung the doorbell and waited for mamasan to let me in.
>>698004855
Buttplugs, dildos...
Stole two of my friends lace panties today. After posting creeps shots of her not wearing a bra or pantiea and screenshots i have of her showering.
Had sex with a couch.
>>698005589
Kek
>>698005187
Did it hurt?
>>698005589
Was it a sexy couch?
Fucked my Belly Button
>>698005710
Well i bled
>>698005589
Mike?
>>698004399
Dated a whore. Actually 4 I'm about to switch to 5
>>698006363
Yeah?
>>698004399
>be 14 year old girl
>fan of a semi-popular attractive youtuber/streamer
>manage to get his skype, we talk
>"by the way, how old are you anon?"
>tell him
>he nopes out of it but i convince him i'm more mature than my age
>we continue talking for a few months
>our skype calls get more and more frisky
>im 15 now
>one day horny as fuck, i call him and start performing phone sex
>can hear him masturbating
>am i still a virgin.jpg
>from then on almost every call ends in us masturbating together
>he tells me how much he wants to drive down and see me
>"well then do it"
>he does, we get a hotel and fuck like wild animals for a few hours
>only get to spend two days together, he's paranoid the whole time we're out in public
>he goes back home, we go back to our usual calls
>"anon... I feel really guilty. you're 15, I'm 22. this is wrong."
>i don't give a fuck
>"i could go to jail anon"
>literally still only thinking about sex, thanks teenage hormones
>we agree to break it off, even though he's still very clearly in love with me
>mfw i realize all i saw him as for 8 months was a sex toy
>mfw i never heard from him again
>mfw technically i distrubuted cheese pizza to this guy and he probably got party vanned
>>698004399
>be me
One night I wanted to fuck one girl (2/5) while i was in club. I told her to go to my place
I dont like condoms and try to avoid them but she wants to buy them. I told her that we can do another things (expecting bj or handjob)
I told her to go directly to the living room, i wanted to go back to party. She agrees. I start fingering her and she still no hand on my cock.
I take my cock out and I start jerking myself.
Bitch does nothing!
I ask her for a blow, she says no.
I put her hand on my cock and start masturbating moving her hand.
When cum, I try to set all cum on her hands, I'am fucking succesful!
>>698006649
C-C-C-C-COMBO BREAKER
>>698006481
you know the rules
>>698004399
>>698006481
tits pls
>>698005173
was horny lol
Tossed my clothes on a roof out of reach about a mile from my house and ran home naked. It was all for the rush of getting caught. I also lived in a small apartment building so had to go through halls to get back in.
>>698004399
got quads
>>698006363
Jeremy?
http://www.strawpoll.me/10918054
?????
>>698007593
I'm not anon but my name is Jeremy hello
>>698006481
if dubs you cut off your tits before you timestamp
>>698007712
Hey Jeremy how you been man?
>>698007300
FUCKING SCUM HERETIC OF /b/
>>698004399
unbuttoned my mom's nightshirt and touched her nipple. got caught. played it off like i was covering her up.
got more horrorstories like that, too.
>>698006481
call the police, this man should be in prison
>>698004399
nice dubs
checkd
>>698008143
fucking hot u sick fuck.
>>698008143
how the fuck do you play that off
>oh mom i didnt realise you were awake, heh...i was just done unbuttoning your shirt to cover you up!
>>698006889
Her being a femanon was relevant to the post.
>>698008150
why? i instigated the entire sexual aspect of our relationship. he was genuinely a good guy who felt bad about being attracted to an underage girl.
>>698004399
Got a blowjob from my wife's friend in my dinning room while my wife was getting a shower upstairs.
Felt great during but fuck was I paranoid that my wife would find out. Been over a year and nothing has been said.
>>698008525
she still knows the rules you mongoloid
why is it so hard to understand tits and timestamp?
>>698006481
lionmaker, low key keks
>>698008884
so close to glorious quads
>>698008884
I agree, she does know the rules. And she followed them.
>>698004399
Felt up my mom while she was passed out drunk.
>>698008884
>SHE
you're a fucking idiot, the guy that posted that was talking about lion maker when he gf'd a 15 year old online.
>>698009065
>>698009341
i dont pay attention to youtubers fag
>>698008506
>>698008506
no. she woke up once my finger made contact with her nipple. I was like. "Uhhh. you were exposed..."
n she was like omg sorry.
once my sister caught me looking at her legs and ass under the covers.
Couldnt play that off.
>>698009341
no, it wasn't about whoever "lionmaker" is
i actually did that almost 4 years ago now even though you have absolutely no reason to believe me
>>698009629
neither do i, it's pretty fucking hard to miss when it's on the news -_-
Piped a bunch of hefty bitches
Got sucked off without a condom by a new york city crack whore whose breath smelled like a yeast infection inside the apartment of a prominent federal judge I and my girlfriend were house-sitting for.
>>698009723
Your moms retarded
your a 10/10 guy for making me kek in this shit thread
>>698009813
>-_- find an image for it
>news
i dont watch the fucking news who does?
>>698010038
yeah. I made her catch me jerking off every morning for like a month before she got the courage to yell at me for it.
>>698006481
what kind of youtuber/streamer appeals to teenage girls?
my mom wants to know
>>698008701
>i instigated the entire sexual aspect of our relationship. he was genuinely a good guy who felt bad about being attracted to an underage girl.
That's what he wants you to think.
>>698009341
>>698009732
although now that i google that lionmaker scandal, the fact that this happened and a lot of other youtubers get exposed for having sexual relations with underage fans really has me thinking how much of the blame lies on each side? i'm sure it's different with every case but coming from someone who once was in one of those, there's definitely a level of understanding and consensus when doing that kind of stuff (not legally of course, but 14/15/16 year olds understand how sex and consent works). really has me thinking how many of these "YOUTUBER EXPOSED" stories are started by the girls (or boys) themselves for attention.
>>698010328
beast mode
should've came in her eye then smacked her as hard as you could
>>698006481
>im 15 now
MODS MODS BAN BAN BAN
>>698010678
>go on a date site
>make the only one of your likes as pewdiepie and mountain dew
???
profit
>>698010992
are you retarded or just dumb
read >>698009732 I'm 19 now
>>698008143
>>698009723
>>698010328
Shit, I may have felt up my mom but at least I wasn't a retard about it. You need help mate. Or maybe just a strategy.
>>698010992
Shut the fuck up, faggot.
>>698008827
She will find out, probably from you during a fight in 5 years. Marriage is grand
Rub Nutella all over my lower body and Make a DIY pocket pussy with a smoothie while watching a video that I made with pictures of a Girl that I liked.
Easily dumbest thing is trusting a girl to keep private shit private.
Jerk off in my wife's butthole while she's asleep. Fuck yeah.
Shove BB's down my urethera while jacking off
either smearing my dick with cheeze wiz to get my cat to lick it
or stripping down to lingerie to do my patrol at stanely park childrens zoo during midnight to 8 am shift
>>698013591
We should be friends.
when i was 14 i stripped naked and cuffed myself to the inside of a childrens playground at 2 am with the key in ice to be trapped there til it melted i did this on a regular basis til the night we had a cold snap and i was stuck there to it became light out and had to run naked to where i hid my clothes
god did my pussy get wet the faster my heart beat
i also seduced a teacher at st georges (the local boys parochial school) cause i wanted him to be mean to the boys that were picking on me about being deaf
>>698013683
doubt it i am now 50
>>698013622
Nope not even close. It's just that moment when you are 15 and explore fetishes. Nutella is way better on food.
>>698010992
kys retard
>>698011138
i have a problem. Im crazy when I first wake up in the morning. I've done horrible, horrible things within the first 30 minutes of waking up.
>>698014133
>cuffed
that sounds hot, anon.
what would you say if I was one of those kids in the playground?
>>698015339
i dunno
now i have found hentai i guess i would have pee'd for you to watch
When i was about 15 or 16 i used to find random men and women well in their 20s on instagram and shit and trade pictures and videos of me jerking off and i would always get compliments of how overall young my body looks and whatnot since i would tell them i had just hit 18.
>>698005589
done this
>>698006889
and so do i
>>698014133
>>698015676
why did you start doing that?
>>698006427
sup dude
>>698015676
>i would have pee'd for you to watch
best pickup line ever. everyman's dream.
>>698016383
i am into exhibitionism and humiliation and bdsm stuff plus being deaf adds a lvl of danger
i didnt get my cochlear til i was 19
do you really need it explained?
>>698016740
Fuck, I'm not at all into BDSM, but for some reason the 'being deaf adds a lvl of danger' just got to me, hard.
>>698004399
>>TV installer.
>>Install at cute illegal spic house.
>>Spics have to leave for work.
>>Spic daughter is 8/10 and super sweet.
>>At spic home alone.
>>Look in fridge.
>>Jerk off and cum inside 2 liter Coca-Cola knowing qt 3.14 illegal girl will drink it.
>>Kek
>>698016740
tits?
>>698016740
Was just asking because you seem to be craving attention. No need to be a dick about it.
I let some random dude fuck me no condom while drunk. I never got tested for anything. Considering it's been a year and I've had no issues and doc didn't comment on anything, I'd say I'm fine thought. Kinda regret it, but at the same time it makes me horny. I like validation.
>>698017282
nah i did camwhoring here a while back to prove to my wow guild i was female and i look really young and with bans so easy i dont want to risk it
now i am a med student and cant risk the publicity
>>698017313
Craving attention? Fake or not, girl or not, the story is more interesting than some thousands of posts that we get in here.
>>698016740
anon, when you're being spanked or tortured, do you emit those funny squeaks some deaf people make when they try to talk?
>>698017716
How are you a med student if you can't communicate with your patients
Spied on my step cousin changing from under the door while everyone else in the house was nearby.
>>698018476
did you not see the cochlear?
i am learning to be a psychiatrist
and i can hear now
and i feel my disability will assist those that have mental issues due to their disabilities
>>698017931
no when i was 20 i met a guy that was 42 on wreck beach and he signed due to just thinking it was interesting which i sort of fell in love with and so i dated him for a bit
he was a sub and a sissy and i use to dom him but signing instead of talking in disparaging ways
he also had a massive dick which made anal almost impossible but we had allot of fun going to stores buying underwear for me "his daughter" and then i would make him wear my underwear home
we did wildcats and hungry eye fet nights together and he knew allot of people in the fet world so i use to get lessons on estim and urethra insertions etc
>>698005518
I used to camsex with girls i played videogames with.My wife judges me about it to this day.
>>698005589
Atleast I know I'm not alone.
>>698004399
Sniffed my friends sisters panties when I was like 14. It was one of the worst smells I ever encountered.
Fucked OP's mom.
>>698019859
Thanks for answering.
I sort of get the dom thing and all, but what's the point if the guy's a pussy? I mean, if you don't mind him not being a man, wouldn't it be more fun to be with girls, who probably do the thing better anyways?
>>698021115
Tell me about it, mate! I never got to smell them, but when I was about thirteen, had this friend with a really hot sister, and one day I go to the bathroom and there's this pair of yellow panties hanged to dry. I'd never seen a girl's panties before, left alone from a hot one, so I think 'heaven! this is heaven!' Start approaching the thing, but stop just as I realize there's this huge green stain right in the middle.
>>698021253
i love the cock especially one that is large enough you have to focus on being able to breathe at times rather than pleasuring it
and he loved it when i pee'd in his mouth
when i played wow he got jealous so i would have him lick me while i was raiding in ah qiraj or however its spelled
i would feed him bacon in between orgasms
but i havent had sex since i was 23 and im 28 now
guys and girls don't like my deafy voice
here's one when i was 19
Made a pocket pussy with toilet paper and condoms, used moms dildo, fucked friends wife... I do all sorts of stupid shit when I'm horny
>>698021846
This pic looks too damn good to be 9 years old.
>>698022115
bad time for a typo anon you gonna get me hammered
but my puffies i love well almost puffies
>>698014133
what kind of music do you listen to?
>>698022294
I meant that the pic was taken 9 years ago and the resolution is way too good. I don't recall cameras being this good.
>>698004399
spent too much money on chaturbate
>>698021846
Perfect tits!
And your stories are great! People are silly if they don't want you because of that. Honestly, I just asked because I was curious, but it's something that shouldn't be off putting in any way. Specially since you clearly are good communicating yourself, judging by how you use words, and know how to make things interesting as you tell them.
I'll surely keep reading if you'll care to share more of your stories.
>>698022341
i am a populist so i like all kinds of music as long as its catchy now i can hear it well mostly hear it rap bhangra opera folk music etc
back when i was deaf it was my dads punk rock collection on superloud with my feet on the speakers to feel the vibe
>>698022777
oh I got trips from God
maybe he forgives my stupid shit
>>698022618
A relatively good cam 9 years ago looked way better than that.
>>698022618
>>698022969
must be fake then
>>698022878
Whether true or not, this is one of the best charachters I've ever seen on 4chan.
Deaf ultra kinky-girl listening to punk rock with her feet on the speakers.
If you're that person, you're cool af. If you're making this up, you should write stories for sure.
>>698004399
I tried to stick my dick in a water bottle before it got hard, but once I thought about putting it in the bottle i would get hard. So I just left the bottle on my lap and tried to forget about it.
Then when I realized my dick was soft I quickly pushed it in the bottle and pushed it towards my pubic bone. I ended up getting my cock head in and nothing came of it. Had to wait 10 minutes ofr it to stop swelling.
>>698006481
Underage b&
>>698023155
i have a freind in second life that does hentai and he is always asking me for either my experiences or my fantasy's for ideas
the wow experience made me develop a fantasy where i play lol really well but only when i am having sex
our team does so well we get invited to germany for nationals
our team does all sorts of comical things to have me have sex while we are playing in the tournament (curtains bottomless seat etc
we get to finals but get discovered
officials decide i can still play but sex has to be seeable
our team gets the trophy after everyone has seen me having sex while we win the finals
i appear on stage naked to accept accolades
>>698021846
I had a deaf girlfriend and she was fucking awesome. Her voice was derpy, but it was cute. I actually still have subtitles on everything I watch to this day. Because I got used to her sitting like 2 inches from my tv on the coffee table reading movies.
>be 13ish
>been going through puberty for a few years
>always horny
>go to our local park really early in the morning
>have a fetish of girls using the toilet
>walk into women's bathroom
>see that the toilet is full of piss and has a log of shit in it
>get extremely horny
>dunk head deep into the toilet
>can feel turd on my head
>cum in pants immediately thinking it was a hot girl's shit
>stand up
>take a shit in the sink
>walk home
>realize years later that it was probably a grown man's turd or a little kid's
6 years later and I still cringe so hard at the thought of that.
>>698023947
yeah i try to watch allot of foreign tv cause they have those already
gomorahh and wataha stand out
>>698004399
Went to Tijuana (about 2 hours from where I live) and paid 2 girls to go do a threesome with me. Couldn't get it up, and they both laughed and basically humiliated me. Later the same night, I let an older butterface suck me bareback after she listened to my sob story about the failed threesome. Haven't been back since, and prostitutes simply don't work for me.
>>698023826
>>698023947
Is there a name for people with a fetish for deaf girls? I've never given any thought but after reading this thread, I'm beginning to find deafness the sexiest thing imaginable.
>>698024283
Are you 40 with ed?
>>698024292
no idea but in the community at least here my deaf friend from school hate me now cause of the cochlear and allot didnt like me to begin with cause i am not deaf from birth
at least i am not a cud chewer (people who move their lips while signing)
>>698023826
That's a really wild imagination.
If you let me ask...what's the main difference for you to socialize with people who are deaf and people who aren't? I mean, not in a practical sense, but how you feel about it? Would it be possible for the man of your dreams to have the same condition?
>>698024292
Idk how I would feel about the moaning.
>>698024446
WTF?
>>698024580
kek Tell them to watch that Seinfeld episode where the other dwarves hate this one dwarf because he uses shoes that make him look taller so he can keep a job that requires him to be slightly taller than he is.
>>698024278
Yeah, my ex had a thing for Korean/Vietnamese horror movies. Because subtitles. Which makes sense. I can at least hear out of one ear. But they really do help my partial deafness compensate.
>>698024292
I dunno. Like I said, I'm deaf in one ear myself. So I just kinda literally ran into her and upon appologizing, realized she couldn't hear. Luckily I can sign a bit so I told her to fuck herself and go back to Mexico. Which in my experience is the best way to get a deaf girl. I didn't seek her out for being deaf though.
>>698024702
man of my dreams has a huge cock tight body and is a switch and years older than me
>>698004399
Try to have sex with one of my mom's friends while my mom and a bunch of other people were sitting around us. I was drunk and asked her if she wanted to go upstairs or something like that. Wished it happened.
>>698024951
actually when i explain the situation to friends online i reference that episode specifically
>>698024446
No. I don't like fucking trashy bar whores. Especially ones who work for the Tijuana cartel.
>>698025112
Do you prefer getting humiliated by degenerate human beings instead?
>>698025013
in your area for signing how do you call bullshit
here it use to be make the bullshit sign (right hand makes bull horns with fingers and left arm is akimbo to it with hand making a fist then opening to simulate pooping) or is it just gently slap the persons hands when they start signing something that is bullshit?
When I was in my early to mid teens I would trawl chatrooms for girls and then jack off on webcam for them. In retrospect, none of them ever had any decent proof that they were girls and I probably jacked off for pedos. Also I would go into the public toilets near my house, strip naked in the stall and piss all over myself.
>>698004399
One time about 2 weeks after my girlfriend broke up with me I went to my drug dealer's house already high as shit and said yes to spending the night after I bought 40mg of oxycodone. I then blew said oxy up my nose over the course of like 20 minutes and fucked her. Never came, but she said she did.
I was horrified the next morning and I climbed out her window.
>>698025111
That's pure gold! I always thought that was the funniest shit ever, and never imagined it'd actually happen for reals. And it's weird for it to happen specifically with deaf people, who haven't got one hundreth of the need to be self-concious as a midget has.
>>698025013
Nah, I'm not saying search someone specifically for being deaf, that's just fucked up. Just meant that with anon's stories, and yours, I managed to see it as cute, and as a possible sexy trait, given the situations it can cause.
>>698004399
Got really high, ate a popsicle, noticed my penis was hard and started stroking my penis with cold and sticky melted popsicle goop. Busted a nut and passed out covered in sticky, sweet, cummy mess. Felt good though, would recommend.
>>698004399
When i was 13 i jerked it so much i got raw. Decided to put aloe vera to heal it and thats how i ended up straddling the sink trying ro wash it off it burnt so bad.
Also smelled and fapped to my moms panties and shes a tub of lard. Instant regret.
>>698025529
I always just put a finger to people's lips when they start signing bullshit. However, I only know one deaf person irl, so there's that. I have no real need for a full vocabulary. "Actual" deaf people hate me because I got my ears fucked up from experimental surgery and then got one more or less back. Not trudeaf.
>>698025721
I actually had a guy break in while people were over one time. Guy is screaming and pointing a gun and we're throwing shit at him and she was super intently watching The Holy Grail trying to figure out why it was funny. She didn't even notice.
>>698014133
Vancouver homie? Dunbar reporting in
you , son ...
>>698006481
How do people fall for this, holy fuck
>triggered
>reee etc
I put lotion in a ziploc bag and fucked it inbetween a couch
>>698027125
yeah
commercial drive area near the park where they play bochi ball
>>698027452
jame gumm?
>>698026798
Well, I researched and there's this thing called surdophilia. But they describe it more like you said, as someone who wants people to be deaf in order to fuck them. I guess what I realized is that the world of deafness is actually really interesting from several points of view, from the stories you and her were sharing.
But, really... like this last one, it's like this instantly makes me imagine an absolutely cute girl with a irresistible funny face staring at the screen. And you didn't even mention if she was cute or not, just the deafness and the situation create this association for me, and I'd never realized it before.
hahah Fucking bizarre, man!
>>698014133
This is why I hate deafers.
I hadn't fapped for about 4 days. Was so horny I started making obscene phone calls to out of town hookers for kicks. Still feel a bit bad about it haven't done it since
>>698024580
Honestly though, no need for tits or anything, but aren't you gonna give us a face to stamp on the charachters of your amazing stories?
You can delete after like 2min.
>>698014133
If you're really deaf you're awesome.
>>698027529
Abbotsfordfag here.
I wanna live in Vancouver but fuck that shit is expensive
>>698027677
make one right now, vocaroo it and post it here. that's what /b/ is for, maaan!
>>698004399
Take too much adderall and jerk off for a day
>>698021846
Ey bb wan sum fuk?
>>698016741
underated
>>698027576
Well, she was a cute little brown girl with an obnoxious amount of dangly piercings in her ears. But yeah, I think the situation would bring about the appropriate mental image for the face she was making. Bitch saw LITERALLY EVERYTHING though. Or could like smell a cake baking in the fucking Acturus star system. And the best part was the lack of arguments. Because shouting means nothing if you can't hear. Usually resulted in calm discussion or just sitting in seperate rooms for a bit.
>>698028600
yeah, people should learn a lesson from this not yelling thing. It means nothing even when you can hear it, I honestly don't know why people do it.
>>698028846
Great smile! Thanks a lot!
>>698029375
Because im fucking cuban. In my culture the more loud your are the more correct you are. Ask anyone from an island culture.
>>698014133
>degenerate deaf girl
I am in love with you.
Put on girl clothes (bought off amazon) and took pics of myself from behind and posted them on 4chan for the past several months because I am an insecure faggot, also I'm not gay
Had sex with my best friend when we were both drunk. We're both guys. I don't know why, but I had this urge to fuck him.
It's been a few weeks, and he's been trying to hold my hand, and is being way more pleasant. Should I go on?
>>698029535
I read once that In Cuba it's common for your mates to consider you didn't actually fucked a girl if you didn't fucked her ass...I mean, not only as a joke
>>698029768
Ha! So I'm not the only one!
>>698029375
nah my chin is too manly
luckily i'm just over 47kg and 1.58m so i dont get too confused with guys
>>698029375
Yeah, but it only works if both people are on the same page about it. Otherwise it's still a shitshow.
>>698029535
Also, as someone who was more or less adopted by a Mexican/Puerto Rican family I know that feeling. Lots of screaming and then me quietly saying to calm down and grab a beer.
>>698030198
Manly? Look, I'm sorry but if you're really want to be secure you're gonna need to find a better excuse. Manly???
>>698030588
it was supposed to be insecure, typed wrong
>>698030588
>>698030252
I live in South America, even thought I'm not from here. But it's common for most men to think you're not really a man if you have a wife and don't cheat on her.
>>698004399
came on my face... instant regret.
>>698030808
wtf?
>>698031066
But it's warm, and squishy
>>698031372
and yummy
>>698030916
Mexican/South American people tend to dislike me immediately because of how white and not particularly masuline I am. But when I start talking guttertrash Mexicunt to them, they usually leave me alone.
>>698004399
I'm too late to the thread, but let me tell you, ecstacy is a sex drug. Best sex and nonsex of your life.
One time I was on it, apartment had no milk, so I said fuck it and went to the super market. You know how they have those air vents blowing down as you walk through the sliding doors?
Oh my god, it was fucking fantastic. Imagine your whole body is just the fucking dick tip and you stand through a wind tunnel. My whole body was shaking and I came right then and there in my pants before I even walked in the door. Best orgasm of my life
>>698031372
it seemed like a good idea when I was horny, but the moment the first torrent of navy graced my face... I felt such disappointment in myself... I was showered in my own cum... and my own regret.
>>698031556
I mean, I'm not gay but the warm thing about cocks and cum just feels nice, man. Then if it's your own, why would anyone care?
Posted an ad on cl for a jerk buddy and ended up getting jerked off
>>698031802
you have AIDS now
>>698031651
Yeah, I get shit for being white as well. Like, all the time. And if I say the slightest thing in the sense of 'you know everyone knows white is better, right?', they start victmizing themselves immediately. It's disgusting! But I was never able to act as local, haven't got the talent.
>>698031731
Why on earth, man? It could be weird if you loved it and did it all the time, but it's your own cum. It happens to everyone.
I fapped
>>698004399
My ex
>>698031731
the walk to the shower was the longest march I had ever had, and the disappointment and regret I held was heavier than my pack and equipment when I was out on the field. no amount of hot water, bleach, and rubbing alcohol could make me feel clean.
>>698032188
>>698032233
Be cleansed by the double dub
>>698004399
not pull out
>>698004399
Ran around my entire neighborhood completely naked at around 4am. Did this when I was about 16-17.
fucked a 6/10 girl at a church party
>>698032188
sick fuck
spiderman should follow you to all the threads you post in
>>698004399
suck my own dick.
>>698032062
to this day I only hold two regrets:
I never felt I finished my job as a soldier
and I came on my own face once
>>698032324
thank you, my friend.
>>698032649
Your job as a soldier would be to get fucked by the whole battalion in the showers right?
Because you get some real issues, kid.
>>698025016
Nothing about his personality, huh? Sounds like it's gonna work.
Helped my gf molest a teenage schoolgirl
>>698032882
nope, PMC.
>>698024091
you're joking right? people this autistic don't exist, right?
>>698032499
>>698033029
How did this thread went on for hours straight, on /b/, before something like this?
>>698033070
I pray to God this nigger is joking...
>>698033334
>>698033334
one off, you're pointing the fag detector at yourself, spidey.
>>698004399
stuck all of my sisters dildos up my ass
i stuck my sister up my ass
>>698032062
Yeah, I'm a vato-ass bitch. Despite being redheaded, I do the whole Mexifuck thing well. It's whatever though because I'm still taller than a Guatemalan.
>be 11
>with best friend
>walking through huge field
>we were exploring woods, creeks, etc.
>somehow we are both horny
>somehow decide to poke holes into dirt in the middle of the field
>insert our penises into our individual holes
>doesn't feel good
>stop and continue with exploring
>think nothing of it
>say nothing of it
>a few days later a man tells my dad that he saw the two of us walking around in a field
>not sure how he saw us
>not sure if he told my dad we were plowing the field of if he even witnessed it
>not even sure who it even was that told him
>mfw
>>698033206
because its stupidest thing you did not winningest thing you did
>>698005589
was it consensual?
>>698033491
how many did she have? was it hard getting them all out?
had mff phonesex on my bunk w/ cherry recruit on top bunk, horrified
>>698033663
no a chesterfeild sectional
>>698033390
>>698033468
Fuck my life
>>698033415
>Rule 34 pokefag could use spiderman
>>698033668
like 3, none of them got stuck but my ass burned afterwards for a bit
>>698004399
i fucked your mom because look at how you turned of faggot
>>698004750
How did you get into this situation?
>>698027963
Abby fucking sucks lmao
I live here, bunch of dumb brown dudes
NEIN NEIN NEIN
>>698031556
Cum tastes like a load of snot when you hock a loogie, but smells like a chlorine pool.
It is mucus, so...
>>698006889
She wasn't trying to achieve any special attention by mentioning her gender, fag... it was relevant... if true.
>>698034035
ur mom is mucus
>>698004399
Had sex with and insane woman. Like the kind of insane that home schooled her kids and owned 5 cats. She was married and her husband was into it.
After I did this I was so disgusted with myself I had to move to a new city.
>memes
>>698034035
so that kid who ate boogers was essentially swallowing cum?
>>698033933
>>698033972
>>698034038
>>698033415
>>698033334
>>698033138
>>698034317
>>698034488
>>698034313
Kid I knew who used to eat his boogers all the time, used to offer blowjobs to every other kid on the neighbourhood.
Little shit was seven, man. Biggest whore I've met in my life. Still can't understand it, to this day.
>>698005589
Same
>be me, 16, really horny
>step sister is 14
>one day while she's away I fap with her underwear
>she walks in
>ohimfucked.gif
>we don't talk about it for a week or so
>she brings it up awhile later, she doesn't mind, thinks it's "neat I find her attractive"
>end up fucking whenever she comes over for the next four years when we could
>shit was cash, we were both virgins
>>698032324
Double dub double scrub
saved all of the pics from this thread
shame shame shame
>>698004399
hijacked
>>698006481
What a lucky man. God bless you, miss lady.
>>698034564
>>698033029
Nice
>>698033310 #
If you have something smart to say, then fucking say it you piece of shit, if not, shut your fucking mouth, and get the fuck out of here, you're just a fucking retard that has no idea what the fuck he's talking about. get the fuck out of here with that shit. I asked a simple question, and you had to fucking ruin it, just like 90% of the disgusting fucking slugs on this website that are severely over weight and sit and argue with kids on the internet about anime in your stupid fucking black trench coat. You fucking disgust me. You are not loved, you are not thought of. End your pathetic excuse of a life , but you're too much of a fucking pussy to Tie a noose with out breaking in tears because you know that this is what your life has been leading up to, what you are and what you will always be.
>>698004399
>Butt stuff.
>Tried fucking every bottle ever made
>got naked and jerked it at a playground at like 2 am
>go to park when it rains, walk the trails naked
>once fingered my ass in a dirty stream.. Came buckets
>was scared I was gonna get an infection
>tried fucking my male dog
>tried fucking my 2 sisters and step sister
>blew a black guy.. but that's how I found out I'm not gay. Shit was boring.
God.. I could go on probably
>>698034715
I'd like to add I'm 22 she's 20 and we still fuck because our parents divorced so we aren't even related anymore
>>698034601
did he give you a good blowjay?
>>698004399
fap with dish soap and not clean it off afterwards.
hump a dirt mound
fuck a gator-aid bottle.
>>698034926
orlando is uncut master race
no wonder katy uses him to hide her lesbianism
>>698034926
I feel you. It sucks being such a perv that you end up sucking cock just because you're a perv, but if feels like shit since you're not gay.
>>698034927
This is the point where you post a pic of her, or ou fucking her.
>>698033610
Kek fuck guacamala
Del Norte and zacatecas all day
>>698034926
All of this is acceptable horniness, except the nigger blowing. You should be absolutely ashamed of yourself.
>>698017200
If I'm i someone's home and there's a hot female(s), i rub their toothbrushes all over my cock and balls and maybe smear some precum on the bristles so they can enjoy a little of me after I'm gone.
>>698034927
just marry her already. also... pics.
>>698034973
No, I wasn't into it
>after it happened
>>698035338
That's what my wife says lmao
>>698035354
I'm really careful with anything that belongs to me, and when people ask me why I say it's because things like this could happen. Amd everyone is always like: 'no, anon! you're so paranoid, you've such a dark view of the world'.
>people who aren't on 4chan know shit about life, man.
>>698035369
That would be weird as shit
>>698023826
You are a fucking legend.
Someone needs to be screencapping this.
>>698035838
Sucks people who were here at the time weren't paying much attention to her, so she didn't post more stories. Each one of her posts were best of 4chan easily.
>>698035546
She should divorce your ass.
> tfw when you read this entire thread, and you've done like 80% of what's mentioned in it, and didn't even feel weird about it, or noticed it was something that could be considered bizarre
>>698036346
Why? My inner freak reflects perfectly on her. Sex is great.
She was more disappointed I didn't let her watch me blow the dude
Man. Let's see.
- Fucked numerous fat chicks off Craigslist, OkCupid, Etc. without a condom. Came inside most of them. Sometimes I'd drive up to an hour for these dumb bitches.
- Fucked some honestly pretty attractive girls off the same sites, but I still came inside them and didn't wear a condom. A lot of the times I didn't even ask beforehand. I'm so fucking lucky I don't have a kid.
- Attempted to fuck a transvestite twice. Couldn't get it up either time. I was trying hard though. I walked out on one while my dick was in his mouth. Just straight up dipped out and didn't say shit. I'm surprised I haven't been assaulted or something.
- Fucked a 17 year old multiple times in a state where I would be put in jail for it. Came inside her too. No condoms. And she had a husband in the military.
- Fucked a girl once with literally no teeth. She wasn't awful looking but for some reason she had fake teeth. Didn't notice until later because I was so drunk.
- Stole tons of panties from friends and even my girlfriend, lol.
- Jerked off with my aunts underwear/bathing suit. She's gross.
- Got multiple animals to lick my dick.
- Lied and cheated on my girlfriends.
If anyone is interested I can provide individual stories but I think the moral of my story is I have no clue how i don't have a kid or any STDs.
>>698025558
Sometimes if it was late and Iw as super horny,I'd sign on with a fake female account to troll for action of some sort..and the sheer volume of pop ups from guys was astounding. Literally opening faster then you could close hem. Hundreds of them in 2 or 3 minutes.
also used to get horny driving home sometimes, and I'd stalk a girk ina car by herself, follow her through traffic while ai was stroking my cock to get hard..then I'd put up next to her, honk, and lift up and stroke my cock in front of her, then take the exit.
Did it to a car full of girls a few times. Usually got smiles. Might help having a big dick.
>>698013591
Calling your supervisor now.
Catfished a guy on WoW for like 2 years and got off on the intimacy of it. I was underage at the time. I convinced him we were in love and shit. Some weird ass perverted serial killer shit. I always think about how fucked that was.
>>698007508
Awesome
>>698038125
say hi for me
>>698004399
used my moms dildos
I was drunk on my aunts house. My cousin is hot. We sleep together.
>>698034926
>go to park when it rains, walk the trails naked
word up, fam
jizzed in my own mouth. shoved shit in my ass. let the dog lick my junk. neighborhood kids peaked through the window and saw me fapping to a trap vid and now they act weird when they see me walking around the neighborhood. jerked off of public. a couple of times i jerked off with a turd from the toilet. i'm fucked.
>>698038125
be my guest i havent worked that job since i killed all those flamingos there
associated security services
>>698041279
how do you jerk off with a turd???
>>698041472
sure why not you freeze it and then it thaws in your ass and then you get a super shit doyuble the fun
then you can repeat
the thawing shit in the ass is erotic as all get out
>>698007508
got quints once.
I fucked an easy chick
Kinda gross for me but I heard the pussy was tight af
'Twas indeed
>>698041102
i was drunk on your aunts house once
>>698041102
story??
>>698041458
please share the story of your flamingo rampage
>>698041597
does it not stick to your insides
>>698035354
Last time I let a bitch touch my face I started breaking out
This post is bugging me out lol
>>698004399
Was havibg phone sex with my boy friend 4 yearsa ago. Didn't have a dildo, so I used a mousse bottle. And my aunt came in my room thinking I was moaning in pain...
>>698007169
lmfao
>>698042425
http://community.seattletimes.nwsource.com/archive/?date=19920529&slug=1494447
>>698016741
/thread
>>698015676
Post cochlear and timestamp
