Confession thread, /b/. Confess your sins and secrets here.
Pic unrelated.
I fucked a potato once
i once shoved the virgin mary up my snatch
not so virgin anymore i guess
>>697886909
I had sexual intercourse with a woman of the female gender today and orgasmed inside her vagina.
>>697888108
Did you marry her, son?
>>697888071
You can fuck right off you godless HEATHEN
>>697888001
Found the Irishman
>>697888108
>woman of the female gender
>>697886909
i have an imaginary friend
>>697888071
I would like to see that, for artistic purposes of course.
hi, i'm tim allen. i have no secrets.
>>697888361
>artistic purposes
>>697888361
you misspelt autistic newfag
im joining the army hoping i'll get deployed and killed overseas. i'm starting training this year.
>>697888674
the edge
i cant
i want to die
f
>>697888843
me too
I completed Undertale's Genocide route
I used my girlfriend once and made her forget it
>>697886909
I paid for sex 5 times when I was on vacation abroad. That's 5 women that I disappointed in 2 weeks. None of them would do business with me anymore. That's how bad I am at sex.
>>697889315
how much?
>>697889443
$10,000 USD each...
I was seriously considering selling my ass to feed my alcohol addiction and pay my rent. Luckily I have some good friends.
My mom killed two kids and now I can never use my real name.
>>697886909
Trap hentai is actually getting me going more than porn is.
> All I can hear from porn is "You lemon stealing whore". I can't fap anymore after that amazingly bad line.
>>697888728
Don't mention that to the recruiter or you'll never get. Also kys
>>697889443
Between $60 - $120 USD, 30 minutes. Price varies depending on how pale their skin is.
>>697889902
why trap and not futa?
>>697886909
I once went on a couples date with me, my girlfriend, my friend and his girlfriend. I thought everything was going normally but apparently my friend and his girlfriend had different intentions. After dinner, my friends girlfriend started hitting on me right in front of my girlfriend. Obviously my girlfriend was upset and I was confused. Turns out my friend was into swinging and mistaken me for the type of guy who would be into it...
A dude I know threatened to tell everyone in my middle school I was gay if I didn't suck his dick.
I was there every friday swallowing cum.
>>697889917
i know
>>697890234
Mmmm
>>697890234
dude wtf!
I shot a gorilla even though I knew I could have used tranquiliser darts.
>>697890234
So instead of just having the rumor go around being gay, you decided "fuck it I'll just be gay"?
>>697888191
>found the irishman
FUCK
>>697890107
> My brain spends minutes logically thinking how such a thing exists and it just keeps asking questions.
> Just now I have 30 questions about futas.
>>697890610
Yeah. Seemed like it would be easier. Remember, like 10 years ago, if people thought you were gay you should just an hero yourself
>>697890773
futa is a gift from the heavens my dude.
>>697889734
So what they used your ass for free?
>>697886909
My mom lets me fuck her whenever I want because I think she doesn't like my girlfriend.
>>697890773
Don't fucking question it.
My confession is I use them 3D chat deals and RP as a hung ass nigger futa.
Porn doesn't even satisfy anymore since I pretty direct my own porn in my mind.
>>697891010
Nah, they just lent me the money I needed, sans alcohol funds. Fucking assholes making me better myself. I could've made a decent living being a whore.
>>697891230
Sorry, I'm a man of seemingly limitless fucking questions when it comes to futa. It's a fuck all reason, but it's my confession.
Still haven't told the family this one.
>Me, mid teens.
>I was a right shit, smoked meth and what not.
>Parents took my house key so I couldn't smoke up in the house after school.
>Came home from school really needing to take a shit, couldn't get in the house.
>Took a shit on the back lawn, wiped using junk mail grabbed from the mailbox on the way through.
>Stuffed shitty junk mail in the trash can.
>Later that afternoon dad sees gigantic turd sunbathing on the back lawn, calls out to the family.
>"Damn I feel sorry for the dog, that or a dinosaur took a shit on the lawn".
>Have to paper scissors rock with my sister to see whose turn it is to pick up the dog shit.
>I win.
>No disposable gloves left.
>mfw she has to pick up my massive shit with a paper towel.
>>697890850
Good point. But honestly you could have just got yourself a woman make yourself seen with her constantly. Maybe she could've been the one gulping dick nougat every friday
I masturbate whenever I'm in a skype call. I find it thrilling to try and hold conversation while I'm just going to town, and I've gotten pretty good at it.
>>697891294
Define decent. Also why do you drink anon?
>>697891559
just don't accidentally turn on video and you're good
>>697891407
Basically all I know is a futa is chick with tits a pussy and dick putting mine and yours to shame.
>>697891211
pics of both
>>697891559
Holy shit so I'm not the only one hella
Bi, Depressed, Bad Axiety, Suicidal. Killing myself once I graduate, If nothing gets better of course.
I discovered my younger sister took pics of herself kissing me and rubbing my dick through my pants while I slept on her phone. I then went on to get really fucking high and posted to /b/ as I greentexted my confrontation about it, where it blew up and landed on the front page of many different websites. I no longer have the stable relationship I once did with my family and I now live with a roommate I met on Craigslist as I pass the days regretting that I ever did anything but let my sister go on loving me as a man and not a brother. I'm also leaving for Army basic training in September, and plan on never telling my family that I'm leaving so I can try and forget everything that happened.
>>697891756
Post pics?
>>697891497
Why not just pick it up your safe? Earn some gbp and get your house key back
>>697891573
Enough to pay the bills and fuel my alcoholism. So like 800 a month. Because I suck. But for real, there was a whole issue with me and a girl. Needless to say, I handled it poorly.
Im a pedophile priest
>>697891733
Why once you graduate? That's when everything is supposed to get better.
I'm a mtf tranny who is transitioning in secret. I fly to Thailand next week for the final operation. My parents are clueless cuz I hid myself with beanies and thick clothes when we meet. When I come back in a month I will have a vagina and I am supposed to move back in with them for a few months while my place gets rebuilt from fire damage.
What the fuck do I do? Keep it a secret or come back fully done up as the girl I usually am?
>>697891833
http://funnyjunk.com/The+full+story+parts+1+2+and+3/funny-pictures/5727131/
I'm too lazy to post all the parts. The ending that was screencapped in this one though was not me, it was a different anon.
>>697891986
Once I get out of university, ofc.
I think my 300 lb slav manager is hot.
>>697892001
Thanks bro.
>>697891643
>She walks to the men's bathroom?
> Wait... she use her cock or pussy to pee?
> Come to think of it, how do you hide mandingo dongs like that?
> They probably tuck it right? No wait, you see how it just flops perfectly forward?
Literally my brain as I see the futa. It keeps going.
>>697886909
I think my boss is hitting on me. She gave me a $100 bonus specifically while everyone got paid regular. Plus she frequently visits me during lunch and invites me to go out drinking with her and her friends.
>>697892085
But why? That's when it usually gets better. I probably won't even make it to university. If you got the chance, don't waste it.
>>697888108
>woman of the female gender
Tumblr sure is getting slippery with all this bullshit.
>>697892263
>>"Pussy to pee........."
>>697891839
I thought it would be funnier if I left it for them, was their fault I had to shit on the lawn in the first place.
I might have been a meth head at the time but I still had some dignity left.
>>697891995
I'm being dead serious people. I got a gallery of my surgeons work.
>>697892282
is she good looking and, are, or, you taken or gay?
>>697891995
Go tell them. It's going to be worse if you don't tell them and they find out.
>>697890234
You sure showed him
>>697892282
She wants the dick, Anon. Give it to her
>>697891995
Not only a filthy degenerate but a liar as well.
frosted butts
>>697891995
Do what I do. Er, did. Drink until you don't give a fuck, then just show up how you normally look. They'll be more concerned that you're piss drunk when you show up. Boom.
>>697892421
How? I mean I could just lay in my old room and play games all day till my condo is fixed. Though I do hate hiding my feminine self.
I contemplate suicide almost everyday since i cant find a job, i recently had a bone marrow transplant after 1 year of chemo and my family had to take care of me so i feel like an even bigger piece of shit, i really feel like everyone around me would be better off if i kill myself.
>>697892536
you trans too?
>>697892580
Just walk up, be alpha as fuck. Put your ass on the table and just say "this is who I really am".
or you could drink yourself up into a coma and they find out.
>>697892001
Oh I thought I read all that shit for some tired ass shrek prank
>>697892611
Than do it.
>>697891995
It's the current year anon. Shame them for being biggots regardless of how they react, make a fuss online about how you're oppressed, and then rake in the bouku bucks from cuck donations. You've got it made at this juncture. All you have to do is not live somewhere that isn't already overrun with tumblr scum, which means don't live in the southernmost states - like anyone would want to do that in the first place.
>>697892418
She's pretty cute but it's clear that she's older than me by a couple of years. Also she's Asian and a little 'milfy' looking even though she's not married or a mother. I'm not taken but I think it's weird a older lady especially my boss would hit on a guy like me.
>>697892433
No...
>>697892734
So like would it be cool to meet them at the airport as the new me? Or like get dolled up at home once i'm healed enough for a night out on the town and just walk by them watching tv and tell them im out for the night?
>>697892263
Just imagine the dick is the clitoris but overproportioned. You know what a clitoris is, right?
There are honest to god documented cases of women with two vaginal openings, so in my mind the "dick" is one vaginal opening with a very narrow canal, and the pussy vag is another, much shorter and wider for insertion. The urethra (where pee come from) is no different from the typical female urethra, thus she pees from "the pussy"
>>697892001
Did you guys make out on the lawn after shrek left? Post pics?
>>697892835
Then why do you mind even if she is your boss if you can enjoy her company i say go for it man regardless of work place
>>she hasn't tried to get sex from you she is just admiring you go get her champ
>>697892778
Nah...basically the real ending was just saying I'm fucked. Haven't spoke a single word with my family since last Christmas.
>>697892263
Like I said /b/ro it's best not to question.
During detailed RPs, as fucking cringeworthy as it sounds, I always start my own character out wearing loose ass pants, since most want their RP futa fuck buddy to be a nigger, baggy pants seems to work. So that excuses having a fat ass dick down to their thigh or knee.
But a lot of times I meet other people doing the futa thing and on their little 3D avatar they're wearing a skirt with a fucking half-pool noodle hanging out. to the point even if they rolled it up like a fire house there'd still be a foot long deal sticking straight out.
>>697886909
I was drunk one night and I got into an a bet to see who's girlfriend gave the best blowjob. I won $500 that night but I had to cuck my girlfriend...
>>697892621
Yup. Haven't been able to buy 'mones for 2 months because I decided alcoholism and quitting my job were good life choices. The amount of facial hair I have grown this month is impressive though. I used to only have to shave once or twice a month. NOW IT'S EVERYDAY
>>697892263
I don't do piss in my RP's so using cocks to piss never comes up.
>>697892925
Nope...she always texts and calls every now and then though, but I ignore them. It's best if I just stay away from her so I don't get pegged as an incestuous pedophile.
There isn't a day that's passed in recent memory I didn't want to kill myself.
My choices and inaction are my own fault, but I'll blame E and C forever. Without them, maybe this malaise would be penetrable.
I'm not happy in my current relationship and I know that regardless of whether I met the 'right person' I would still be full of melancholy and devoid of emotional connection.
I know that no matter what happens, the thing that is wrong, is me.
>>697893050
ha ha holy fuck, you are supposed to go to a free clinic for hrt, I feel so bad for you, I never missed a dose in 2 years.
>>697888108
>woman
>of
>the
>female
>gender
>>697891995
Not going to Thailand would be the best option...
>>697892848
Are they going to be super opposed to it? If so, springing it like that isn't going to win you any points. Every case is unique. If they'll only be shocked - you're lucky, you can do it any way you like and it'll work out after a short period of awkward adjustment. If they're super not into it your best bet is to have a sit down talk before you transition/are dolled up. That way it can sink in for them lightly. The shock route will turn them off of you for an excessive amount of time possibly forever depending on the severity of their distaste..
>>697892864
Are there actually reported cases of woman with two vaginal openings? Do they lead to the same place? Can she get pregnant twice at the same time? Can two babies be born at the same time? Will they be twins? Is this shit hereditary? Will the futas double in quantity each time the make a babies? Will they try to take over the world? Will there be so many that the president has to make a law against reproducing with futas? Is the president a futa? Are you? Am I?
>>697892341
That's when you shit on the lawn every day, the day your mom comes back and catches squatting you look her dead in the ass as shit rolls out and say
>give me my fucking key back
>>697893203
RESPECT THE PRONOUNS, ANON
>>697892979
How'd your sister react when your parents found out? Where is she in all that?
>>697893336
HEIL HITLER
>>697892938
She's nice and I like her as a person but I don't think I can date her. The whole boss and age thing is difficult for me overcome.
>>697893173
Yeah, they don't give free shit to alchies. Unless you count detox and treatment. Otherwise they just tell you to fuck off unless you have "a real problem." Especially if there's traces of illegal drugs in your system. Triage at it's finest.
>>697892778
Tell what happened please
We had Eminem before you had Obama. He's also all white. I mean, he's black as shit, but he's 100% white.
>>697893227
Well I will be healed by the last of September and it will still be warm here, maybe I just walk out to the pool while they are relaxing and I wear my bikini?
Or I guess I could come back dressed like a boy and then reveal myself to them at home on the couch nice and slow. My parents are republican so I dunno what to do. If I shock and awe them maybe they wouldn't think its a big deal since I pass so well as a girl now.
>>697893164
There are a lot of us like you anon. Sink your time into something that dulls the feeling and bear it. Know that you aren't alone in that struggle, not that it matters.
>>697893430
I get my hormones for free, learn how the system works if you ever want to be a fucking girl
>>697892979
Why? What happened?
>>697893378
Idk if my parents ever found out. Like, I chatted with her for a week after it happened to calm her down, but then I just stopped talking to her altogether. She would try and stick close to me and hug me whenever I talked with her because my guess is that since I knew of her feelings, she thought I'd return them...idk. She leaves texts every now and then and calls but I ignore and delete them.
>>697886909
I fap every night and I used to put stuff in my ass but I'm trying to stop fapping and I know I'm going to hell if this keeps up help
>>697893564
Where on the planet do you live that this happens? I live in Snow Hillbilly country. The nearest clinic that'll actually get me my scrip and do bloodwork and stuff is about 60 miles away. Fucking thanks Obama.
>>697893484
It's not about where they fall politically at all. You need their opinion on the specific instance of transness. There are plenty of republicans that don't care if people want to be trans.
Like I said though, if you don't have a worry about them disowning you over it, you'll be totally fine in the long run. You only really need to handle things gently if they're extreme on that stuff.
>>697893637
Well what the fuck anon.
She wanted the dick, you said nay nay and told her about the pics, she got embarassed and wouldn't talk even though you tried to talk, now she wants to talk but you aren't talkin. Or maybe I'm missing more to the story
>>697893415
Well as long as she isn't like 20 years over your age maximum should be like 8 years she is still good for dating, Her being a boss legit should have nothing to do it i found my girlfriend working been together for 2 years
I'm secretly planning to murder my whole family.
>>697892835
fag man the fuck up and pork her
>>697893815
Don't. Why?
>>697893737
fuck you, I drive 120 miles to my clinic and I told my endo I need a 3 months supply because its far away. Thankfully I only take estrogen because I have no more balls so no need for spiro.
>>697893484
Think of it as coming out as conservative to your friends. If they're normal they'll either be like whatever, that's your choice or ask why and genuinely listen to your reason. But if they're hyper leftist nutcases, you'd better strap in, because trying to find a way to break it to them that doesn't get you blocked is gunna be rough.
>>697893845
I've wanted to end their lives for a long time now, the ignorance, the disfunction, it all drives me crazy, and on top of it all I'm a sociopath.
>>697893290
Oh you don't know how much shit I pulled to get my key back. Gave up after having 5 cut and 5 taken from me. Dad had a very persuasive right hook. Probably why I started smoking meth in the first place. He was 6'6 and hit the gym every day had a real stressful job and mom was an alcoholic. She'd start and argument with me and follow me around the house when I tried to remove myself from the situation. Dad would back me up telling her to leave me alone and she'd turn on him, then he'd turn on me. A lot of drywall was replaced in my house.
I turned out pretty well though, kicked my drug habit, got a decent job earning good money, just brought a house. I'm grateful that he used to wail on me as I'd probably be much more of a pussy today. Funny thing is 10 years later I have a fantastic relationship with them both.
>>697893770
idk man, not a day goes by where I think about what I should do to fix it. But I came to the realization that I just can't go back to having a regular relationship with her. Like the sister I cared for since she was a baby, fucking molested me and took pics of it. It fucked me up real good, man.
>>697893898
You're going to kill your high horse if you don't let it rest a bit anon.
I live in a 'closed' family
>>697893898
FIGHT ME
>>697893932
>I'm a sociopath
You know the scariest thing about those people?
Is they don't know they're fucking sociopaths. Proof or you're just self diagnosing. and don't say webmd.
>>697893946
How long ago was that?
>>697893946
That's so sad.
>>697893946
Trust that she would grow out of it. She's more devastated by the fact that her hormones lost her a big brother. You need to help her too.
>>697893855
Sassy. I have to pay though. Out of pocket. My last job's health insurance wouldn't cover it. I guess I can fill my scrip anywhere so long as I pay though. Real talk though, I can't actually complain because I fucked my own shit up.
A couple years ago I would go to Mexico and went to take care of one of my cousins who was about 7 years or something. I would molest her while jacking off to her pussy.
>>697894066
This was back in October. So it's almost been a year since the incident, and 8 months since I last talked to my sis or parents.
>>697894106
liek if u cri evrtime :'(
>>697894129
I just don't know what to do ya dig? I'm pretty traumatized man.
>>697893946
Jesus christ you are shitting on an opportunity I would kill for.
That aside, this anon >>697894129
is right. That's your best shot at regaining a level or normality.
>>697894037
>>697892864
Dafuq? All women have two openings.... One seperate one for pee and the actual vagina.... Go back to biology.
>>697893938
That's good anon.
But did they give your key back?
Honestly if I were in your position and cool with my parents, I'd joke about that key shit all the time.
I wished my old man would've knocked me around a bit more. I feel like I'd be lot more motivated to get off my ass and do shit. Growin up with mine was kinda like growing up with a man and woman who didn't know each other. I didn't even mommys and daddys normally fuck eachother until I spent a night at my buddies house when I was 12. My parents didn't even sleep on the floor let alone the same bed
>>697894209
GO TO A FREE GENDER CLINIC
Every major city has one, where is your nearest big city??
>>697894249
I honestly wish someone could take my place. One man's nightmare, is another man's dream I guess.
>>697894337
He meant two vaginal openings separate to the sprinkler hole.
>>697893946
what's the big deal dude just fuck your sister
>>697891756
I also plan on joining the army, college isn't working out and I can't live up to the expectations of my family. I'm not smart enough for this shit and my grades have been falling. Hopefully a terrorist will shoot me and make it quick
>>697893959
what?
i got my sister pregnant when she was 16.
>>697894244
You're not healing because you're shutting your sister out of it. She's reaching out to you, and you have to try to find a way to work with each other. I'm not sure how you two should proceed other than therapy, but I know for sure you two have to work together to heal.
>>697894451
It's the fact that I pretty much raised her because my parents were pieces of shit until just a few years ago when they started getting their shit together. It's a morals thing.
>>697894411
Fair enough. Best of luck whatever you choose. I highly suggest that you try to repair things, it might not ever be entirely normal, but it's something and it's all you'll ever have in that department. Don't throw that away.
>>697894385
There isn't one. Unless my therapist has for some reason been holding out on that singular resource and absolutely nothing else. There is a gender clinic I have to pay for. Nearest big city is Madison.
>>697894244
Oh I was thinking like it was a year or more. Well shit maybe she grew out of it and all she wants is to apologize once and move on with you. until she does that you'll both be thinking about it. Honestly I'd say its worse on her, I imagine she thinks her big brother thinks she's a gross whore. Not saying you do, but that's what I'd be thinking her position.
>>697894454
Just grow a pair of balls and tell your sister you can't fuck, simple. Stop being a faggot for Christ sake, man up and do the right thing for not only your own good but hers too.
>>697894479
I know, you're 100% right but I just don't know how man.
"Hey, haven't talked to you in 8 months. I think we should really find a way to work around the fact you molested me and that you're in love with me."
>>697894613
I'm not the sister guy I'm a different one lol
>>697894252
Nigga I could find 20 quizzes like that.
Want me to find you a quiz so you can figure out your spirit animal?
or howabout whether or not you're punk, scene, goth, emo, or hipster??
>>697894535
You're a lot more to her than simply a big brother then. You were everything to her growing up, and in such an odd family situation, it could be why she saw you as a lover.
Trust that she will grow up and will soon be an adult. Once she's independent she won't have those feelings anymore as her hormones calm down.
You have to talk to her, because whatever you're feeling now is likely much worse for her.
I fap to Winston from Overwatch and cum harder than sex with girls
>>697894244
I will agree with you though on something.
Any anon telling you to just fuck your sister has never had a sister.
>>697894362
Eventually they did. Even gave me the house to look after when Dad was working overseas.
Sometimes we have a bit of a joke but one of us will say something a bit too far and then there is an awkward silence. I think we all feel bad for the way we acted. Dad ended up quitting his job and retiring, Mom cut down to one bottle of wine over a couple of evenings rather than 3 a night.
While some positives came out of it, there is a lot of shit I missed out on. Lost a lot of good friends on account of my meth use, the people I was using with were 10-20 years older than me and are dead/jail/wouldn't have a clue.
Also I never graduated high school or went to college so will hit my career ceiling soon.
It's only in the last year or so that my sister has started talking to me, she only invited me to her wedding cos Mom made her.
Do you still talk to your parents?
>>697894687
You at least know your quote is not how you should start.
How about spending some calm time with her, in a safe place for you two to talk, and just let her talk about how she feels. It's what psychiatrists do a lot of, just being there to listen to people talk out their own problems.
She needs to be heard to get through this, and she needs you there. Give her that chance to say what she wants to say.
>>697894778
idk if it's because I'm high right now, but I sent her a text. I told her that I'm going to take her out to eat tomorrow. I know you're right, and everyone telling me to talk to her is right. This is the first time that I've actually discussed with other people since I made the post on /b/ about this situation, but it's been a long time coming.
>>697894862
Don't be so sure. Lot of people have feelings for family members. You learn to live with it.
Sometimes I wonder if I'm a fucked up person... and then I realize that everyone else who is 'normal' sucks worse, and for some reason the world ignores their shit and pays attention to mine.
Sometimes I feel like I can't stop fucking up.
I've contemplated going to therapy but there aren't any therapists that will still see me in this town.
>>697895212
Did I say live with it? I meant hate yourself for it. You learn to hate yourself for it.
>>697895198
Good luck anon. Take it slow and take it easy. You'll both recover.
>>697895198
To put it concisely, if you care about your sister, you should consider that shutting her out will create a greater barrier to have to break through later, not to mention that if you help her with these feelings now, there's still a chance to prevent her having major issues psychologically down the road. Additionally, there's a chance she may have already have given up and simply wants a normal interaction with you, which drops some of the pressure of it being a discussion about her having these feelings.
Or to put it in layman's terms, ignoring the one obsessed with you never ends well, and so, mind the yanderes.
Godspeed, man.
>>697895198
Thank you for listening, and thank you for your weed or whatever you're using.
Give the two of you a safe space to work with, and let her talk! Let her know that you're willing to work things out, and just hear her thoughts. Even if she doesn't have anything to say at first, give it time. Meet her for food against in a few days. Give yourselves ample opportunities to say what you think should be said, but at your own paces.
You're so lucky that /b/ is so kind sometimes.
>>697895359
>>697895323
Thanks kiddos...I'm gonna go to bed. I hope I don't pussy out and disappoint myself another time, but I'm legit going to try this time.
I just got into a fight with my girlfriend and now all my friends think I'm gay for my best friend because I hate the chick he's fucking.
>>697895359
You're a fucking idiot. Shut the fuck up and kill yourself, you faggot nigger scumfuck.
>>697894722
Ehem, kill yourself. That is all.
>>697886909
The only reason I have not killed myself is to see my daughter grow up to be a good person.
>>697895041
Yeah, pretty close to my dad. He's actually been the cool one who hung out with me, took me golfing to movies and shit but when it came to doing father type stuff, like talking to me, didn't happen. He has said to me he wished he'd paid more attention to what I was doing that he blamed himself for me hanging out with druggies and shit when I was in high school but I didn't blame him. Only thing I wished he'd have done was make me stay in sports when I joined but he worked, my mom worked, I could have just quit and not said a word they wouldn't have known.
My mother on the other hand is much different. I never got a long with her for more than an hour at a time. She'd freak out about the dumbest shit, complain to me about things that weren't my fault. It got to the point that I didn't even look up to her as a mom since she didn't have any qualities I thought a mother should have. She'd cook and clean but that was for my dad which is fine, but she never offered to help with homework or hang out, I think one time I went with her to see Revenge of the Sith and that was it. The only thing she actually taught me were some biker slang she heard from her dad and how to mix some drink that I'd never drink lol. But a lot of hypocricsy between her, her aunt, and my sister. So all the women in my family were crazy as shit
I had tuna sex for a online vid. In japan. No lies. 13 years ago, still living here and never seen a release but it's out there. Still wake up from nightmares.
>>697895808
omg i love anime xDDDDDDDDDDDD
>>697895493
Any way you slice it you've made the first step. It's progress. Good luck and good night.
>>697895952
You joke. Fuck it..
I confess that it feels pretty good thinking that maybe I was part of helping a big brother connect again with his little sister.
>>697895212
>>697895258
kek.
I could understand wanting to fuck a distant cousin or some shit. Like I have a half-brother I've never met before and he has a cute ass 18 year old daughter, and I'm only 21 so fuckin a'. But I'd never cross that line.
>yeah I'm 21
>my brother's oldest kid is 18
>my mom had him at 16-17 and had me in her late 30's-early 40's
Hence why I never met him lol
>>697895754
Ah well, at least you are close to one of them man, better than none.
Like me, one day you'll be glad. Family is important.
>>697895198
Good luck bud. You seem like a cool dude I'm sure it'll work out.
>>697894252
>Take tests
>I score high in all of the things
wooo I'm winning at retard
>>697896106
Hell my biggest thing is to meet my big brother. I'm 21 and he's in his early 40's with like 5 kids.
All I know is he's a native american and he's a fun ass drunk haha
>>697896084
Be happy you aren't fucked up in the head. When you want to be romantic with someone family close it's a shit show. You can't do or say anything cuz obviously not for so many reasons and you drive yourself nuts over it.
>>697893898
Found the newest kid on this site!
deez nuts XD
>>697888231
It's a trap
>>697888674
>Newfag
>>697896260
Haha that could be pretty interesting. Did he pull crazy shit when younger? That could explain your parents when you were growing up.
>>697886909
I regularly exchange nudes with a 16 year old girl while in a relationship
>>697890773
So you're a retard?
>>697886909
Why should I confess? I didn't expect this kind of Spanish Inquisition here.
>>697896777
now you have to
the get gods demand it
>>697896733
Don't get caught bro. No matter how consensual that shit is, in the eyes of the law it's cp.
>>697890850
No, it sounds like you used it as a good cover up to being gay.
>I'm not gay, but I'll suck your dick if you tell people I'm not gay
>>697890850
>I'll suck your dick straight
>>697896830
Depends what country
I fucked my big titted cousin twice.
I was 23 and she was 17.
She's hot as fuck.
>>697897022
you're fucking digusting
>>697897022
nice dubs fag.
now, post pics for science.
>>697891839
Calling them Good Boy Points instead of Brownie Points
Good one mummas boy
>>697896969
Aren't sexual nudes of people under 18 cp globally? I know the age of consent for sex differs between countries.
will be so surprised if i haven't cheated on my gf by the end of next week
>>697891534
But.... But then I wouldn't get to give brojobs.
>>697891662
Yes
>>697894478
How old were you mate?
>>697888781
Fuck off dipshit.
>>697892001
So.... How did the story end?
>>697892125
She probably is.
>>697892001
>faggitjunk
Get out of here
>>697897807
read thread from the start
>>697896777
NO ONE EXPECTS THE SPANISH INQUISITION
>>697892835
>Have sex anon
>N-no
Been here since 03' and this place never ceases to amaze me
>>697897022
>>697897111
trips demand it
>>697892467
What?
Also, tits!
>>697892835
>>697892938
I'd do what anon said, be careful if you fuck though had a buddy who fucked a manager one time and when she wanted it to be more than a one night stand and he didn't want to, she treated him like shit and he ended up being fired for something stupid.
Just be careful she doesn't hold a grudge against you.
>>697892848
Or like, be a normal cunt and just sit down with them and have a discussion.
I'd honestly best you up just for being a dick to your family. Go and open to your family, that's what they're there for.
my mims friend tried to fonger me in the back of my mims car
>>697898207
Yep that's the trouble with sleeping with your boss. Same risk with sleeping with your underlings if your a manager. They always have one over you and won't be afraid to use it.
>>697893046
>I won
Yep, certainly looks like it, you traded your manhood and dignity in for $500.
>>697893104
Can I fuck her?
>>697898439
He may have got a blowie from another dudes gf though so possibly not cuck.
>>697891995
Kill yourself.
>>697893882
You don't know how left and right work do you?
Left Wing Hippies and Right Wing Conservatives
>>697893678
You are so bad at using the internet
>>697893104
hope shit works itself out anon
>>697893932
Get over yourself you pretentious fuck. If you don't like them then leave.
And if you can't leave then it's your fault you're such a fucking child.
Don't blame your family for you being unable to help yourself you little entitled bitch.
>>697893815
>>697893845
>>697893932
>>697894037
>>697894252
>>697894722
>>697895551
The clash of newfags.
>>697893959
closet*
FTFY
>>697898774
Are you retarded?
>>697894252
>be me
>want to kill my family because they don't let me be all dramatic all the time
>hear about sociopaths
>wish I was heartless instead of being full of all these fruity emotions
>I know
>brightidea.png
>Google am I a cool sociopath
>illnessquiz.com
>click sociopath test
>first question "are you edgy"
>click "edgy as fuck"
>I'm 70% sociopath
>go on 4chan to brag
>>697894252
I don't see myself as a phsycopath at all.
>>697894337
Learn how to read and hold comprehension you sense fuck.
>>697899416
That test is garbage. The first question must be "what is your age" with the options
>12
>13
>14
>14, but I'm super muh-ture for my age!
>>697897055
She's my mums cousins daughter, so I don't really give a fuck what you think.
Came into her both times.
>>697897178
Weak minded child
>>697893104
Okay listen up you little shit. I read all about this shit when you posted last year abouts. And I know that the image on junk isn't you and your sister that was a red herring you got off the twitter of someone you know. I am saying this to get your attention and cut the shit.
You have a sister who fucked up doing that shit. But you also fucked up by posting this shit on the sewer of the internet. I too have solicited advice from the legions of chan but I covered my tracks didn't give so much revealing details and didn't fucking post high.
You ignoring them is fucking selfish and childish. It is your family asshole. I knowof 3 families in which a family member has suffered head trauma in accidents in the past 2 years. And in the weeks in which their loved one was in a coma watching them break down and confide in me that they wish they could talk to them one last time puts shit in perspective. You are making this situation worse by not communication. Instead you are hiding like a little bitch. Yeah you got put in a super uncomfortable and creepy spot, yeah you got violated. But you got violated by someone who you even reasoned she got brotherly love confused with actual love. And she is a teenager with raging hormones. Cut her some slack you self-centered prick. You are lucky she still calls you. I sure as hell wouldn't. She will forgive herself with time and she should. All humans are essecntailly emotional social creatures despite our strive for logic so get the fuck off your high horse and find a little forgiveness and a little courage not to have your relationship with her defined by a stupid but private mistake on her part. The longer you don't have a relationship the more this will fester and that makes it your fault for the relationship being fucked not hers.
>>697897918
I'm asking for more of a detailed answer dickhead, not "I don't speak to her anymore".
Some kids....
>>697898569
Irregardless, still lost his dignity and manhood.
>>697899161
Good one kid. Made me laugh there.
I once masturbated to magic's biggest secrets revealed season 1 episode 2.
It was pretty good.
>>697886909
I like to fucking my girlfriend when she passes out from drinks too much, last weekend I fucked her face and she only woke up when I came.
>>697886909
I pretend to be OP in AMA threads
My friend's mother watched me jerk off when I was 15. Still a hot memory now.
I strangle a stray cat every night and fuck the corpse.
>>697900439
For real though. Read that shit again. Because it's pretty clear that I understand the difference. Not sure what you were even trying to call into question there.
>>697900290
Ok to sum it up for you, the post ended with shrek filling him up, telling him its all ogre now and then shrek leaving via the window.
>>697894222
Is no one really going to touch this?
>>697897780
Story?
>>697888674
You misspelled "misspelled". Spelt is a type of wheat.
>>697901123
You must be 12 if you believe that.
Reported for underage b&
>>697893104
See This
>>697900237
>>697900984
>>697901123
>(you)
>>697902249
"Misspelt" is British English (the original), and "misspelled" is an American adaption.
Good try though retard.
>inb4, hurr durr I was just pretending to be dense
I miss my ex, i told everyone i dont mind, as long as shes happy, but really, its fucking killing me seeing her with one of my friends.
Got piss drunk in the Philippines for a port visit and paid some dude on The street 30 bucks to fuck his 13 year old daughter. She bled on my dick and I felt bad.
>>697886909
>ive been high almost everyday for the past 8 years.
>i still love her, we're good friends - shes not doing well with bf - said she wants things to be the same if shit hits fan, eh w/e.
>havent done shit for over 9 months, depressed, angry and lost but no one really know how i feel.
>college is ok.
>no job.
>play wow and jerk off
I have mummy issues. I'm a grown man.
>>697895198
My advice to you is this
>>697900237
My confession. 2 years ago I confided in a professor that was on the thesis committee of my female friend that her advisor and the other students he advised were cracking jokes about her vagina and such. I told this committee member of hers this after a student said to her in front of me and her "If you got sexually assaulted no one would believe you."
after we both let out a gasp/laugh I said "dude wtf is that suppose to mean, you can't just say that shit"
student:"yeah okay whatever sorry"
female friend gets super pissed and tells the committee me professor the next day. She told me that later that day her advisor and the student who said those remarks appologized although half-heartedly. So when I went to talk to her committee member he immediately denied having known of the issue or having anything to do with the apologies and that he had not spoken to the other professor. I asked him if thought I was that stupid to believe that line. Then proceeded to inform him of how bad it really was for my friend. I never told my friend I spoke to this guy. I then told this professor that I had informed the Department head of culture this professor had with his male students towards the female students. I am not impressed while we are in the same department their "science" field is neither regorous nor prepares for a viable career. Later that semester I schedule an appointment with the dean. I had just been forced to cover my own costs in printing a poster and airfare to a conference with my advisor and I had done all the work but I was not going to be reimbursed for any of the costs but that his travel and lodging expenses were. Dean wasn't in the office she'll be back the next day. Get message from Dept Head that evening. "We will be discussing your future candidacy in this dept in the morning. I advise that you come."
>OH WTF
Turns out secretary in Deans office used to work under my Dept head and she leaked him info.
>>697886909
I wear chastity 24/7 and wear panties, a garterbelt, and stockings to bed
>>697893733
Same, are you me? Lol
>>697902929
>>ive been high almost everyday for the past 8 years.
>>697891995
You won't have a vagina, you'll have a gaping wound where your dick used to be. Let's not lie to ourselves.
>>697903179
cont'd
details I forgot to mention. I only gave my name to one person the person who looked up what department I was in and then leaked it to her older boss. And later that day the Dean emailed me wanting to schedule a time to meet and I gave him a time but then I emailed the dean back saying on second thought I'd rather graduate and canceled the meeting. Two hours later I get the >>"We will be discussing your future candidcay in this dept meeting..." email
I go in the next morning. It was my adivsor and the Dept Head my adivsor. My advisor said little. The dept head figurativily "lead pipe interogated me" asking why I saw the dean to which I said I didn't
>"DON'T FUCKING LIE TO ME I KNOW YOU SAW THE DEAN"
No I made and an appointment and then canceled by email.
(commence character assassination of graduate student)
He then acccused me of doing lots of shit and threatening to kick me out right there and then unless I signed a paper agreeing I won't do these actions anymore. I try and tell him I am guilty of only 3 of the 'crimes' he listed. He then asked if I am accusing his current secretary of lying and tells me to hand over my keys.
>>oh fuck oh fuck oh fuck
dipolmatically say there might have been an missinterpretation on their part and perhaps they conused me with someone else and then I immediatley sign the paper before he can respond.
The following months I show up for class and leave immediately. Less chance that shit can get pegged on me. However my research progress grinds to a halt this is the end of the my 3rd semester in a 2 yr program. Other person who in program I was going to use their data drops out. Look at their data. Its fucked to hell. excell fuck ups everywhere. realize I am not gonna graduate in 2 yrs. But my female friend does. Then then tells me that the guy on her committee who she told about the mysogyny and shit then tried to coerce her sexually multiple times. I didn't ask if he was successful.
>>697886909
>broke up with girlfriend for lack of trying to invest in our relationship, even though she was crazy in love with me
>been jobless since march, living in my parents' basement, telling them i'm going back to college (huge fucking lie, once i dropped, i promised myself never to go back)
>spend my nights browsing the internet/watching youtube/playing vidya
>go to sleep at 6am, wake up at 4pm
>still looking for a job, but ive applied at upwards of 10 places since i left my last one and only had 1 interview, so frustrated as fuck
>i used to go outside and socialize when i was still in school, got regular income, exercised regularly, had a gf who genuinely loved and cared about me, made my family proud.
>now i'm a lazy fucking beta who eats junkfood consistently, showers twice a week, and does nothing but jerk off and play games in my parents' basement late at night
my life has become shit over the course of a year over my retarded decisions. any pointers (or insults) are welcome
Was in love with a girl since I was 7. Now 24. Have'nt spoken to her in a year and I'm getting suicidal and depressed not having her around me.
>>697904675
I just asked when it started. Turns out he started the same week I was stripped of keys and other previlages. I realized then that her committee member only started this shit after the Dept head characters assassinated me and and me escentially pleeing guilty and taking the deal to stay in my program and not get kicked out and still have to pay off the student loans with no degree. I asked if he helped dealing with the her other committee member. She said it had. I then confess to her what I had done. I had never told her before. I wasn't waiting to cash it in for a sexual favors. I did it because I thought it was the right thing to do and while it may have assisted her slightly I made her last year fucking miserable, and she only told me after she graduated because she was worried she was going to get kicked out of the program and that no one would believe her.
>>697886909
my gf wants to be with someone more girly
I want to be with someone more "trappy"
the relationship is getting kinda weird for my somewhat vanilla tastes
My wife has cheated on me with more than one guy. She won't involve me. Always behind my back. I'm afraid if I divorce her she'll get custody of my daughters and I don't want them living alone with her. The whore will have a different loser fucking her everynight
Listen up fuckers, autism-man reporting in
>be me
>have femalefriend for a year
>really great buddy
>we both slowly blend out our other friends
>sport event
>we are togethet through the whole thing
>eventually topic relationship comes up
>after hours of talking the event ends and I head home
>finally I can visit a fucking toilet
>I've been holding the entire day
>she stops me on bridge
>long awkward hug from her
>supervirgin me has never even shaken hands with woman before
>she confesses her love to me while still holding hands
>I still have to piss really badly
>I let go and turn around without saying anything
>head home
>turn around
>go back
>tell her "By the way I just have to pee it's not like I hate you or anything"
>she says "ok" and keeps looking down at her phone,standing there
Then I went home and had a sad piss
I don't regret it, it's worth the keks
>>697905000
checked, i know that feeling anon;
you any good with answering phones?
look into tech support, or phone service lines (they almost always need people)
and usually pay well
it's what i'm doing and it's helped me out a lot
also PoGo, i've slimmed back down to 125 lbs from walking all day
>>697905881
fucking kek, anon
>>697905881
she was an easy 9/10 btw, great curves and hot looking overall
but holy shit man did I fuck up
that was 6 years ago I'm still a sad lone virgin top zozzle deluxe
>>697905952
oddly enough, my last job was working at a call center, i have to wait 6 months to reapply there (27th of this month)
and i refuse to play PoGo because i'm a 3ds and tcg pokemon elitist, pogo is too casual for me
>>697906153
>pkmn tcg elitist
you play magic?
>>697906017
uberdrive faggot could have had quality grillfriend by now
what the fucking shit
you baffle me
>>697888728
Maybe youll get a Korea or Germany rotation, but no Iraq or Afghanistan. We have mostly stopped going over there.
when I was younger I jerked into my bed
>>697906258
i used to, shit got too expensive. i dropped mtg over ptcg since ive been collecting since i was a kid
I watch Naruto and I enjoy it unironically
I'm secretly a nigger
>>697906536
Modern and commander are what I play, because standard is expensive
still fun as hell
>>697906577
same, fam
>>697891995
M8 ur gonna look like chris-chan if u get it done in Thailand
>>697905713I
Fast forward to 3rd year of a 2 year program. New students. My keys are still confiscated and have restricted access. But I am more of a ghost in the building. I come in late in the afternoon. hide in a closet and or under a table and use the equipment after student worker locks up the facilities. I work at night under minimal lighting and hide when security does it's rounds. I realize I am tresspassing for science and my education because apparently the tuition debt I am racking up does not count towards use of the facility or department I am contributing funds to. Anyway I few students know of me. and say anon knows this department go talk to him. ask anon he'll know how to handle this. I never knew I was regarded as wise nor did I tell anyone else about my friend or my confiscation of keys. One student who is quiet pretty asked for my advice several times and I gave it. Later that semester she starts asking if certainly people would make good committee members, I am not in her field of science but I inform her I know of 2 ( the ones my friend dealt with) that are not to be trusted. she asks why. I tell her the main take aways. Her eyes get wide. I also tell her to stay away from the Dean's office cause it has leaks and will shit on you and force you out. I figure it is fair that she know of this. My old female friend who had graduated but I still kept in touch with I told her I had told this other girl about and she flips out on me and hangs-up. Mind you she had never told me to keep this a secret. she had already gotten her diploma and a job and had told the two people on her committee to never speak to her ever again. But here she is geButttign fucking mad at me for warning another student of the exsistence of a web she was once stuck in that I helped get out of although also fucking up her situation.
>>697907729
But she now doesn't want other student females to be aware of this. Fine. Fuck off old friend you had nothing to lose and you are still a coward. I am sorry I ever stuck my neck out for because aparently you are to preocupied with you reputation then to warn others. This person called me 5 months later. I let it go to voice mail. " I need to talk to you anon" I returned the call the next day no answer left a message. She never called back. realize she had blocked me on google messanger, skype and FB. Fine whatever. A year passes I gradually forgive myself, I still haven't gradauted. My advisor uses me like a private research assistant but I am not getting paid cause he knows I have to go through him to graduate. Anyway I realize that I have been unblocked by my old friend her but she hasn't said a word to me.
>>Dafuq?
I think well... maybe I should talk to her. I think the better of it. I don't need any fair-weather friends in my life. I immediately unfriend her from facebook. remove her from contacts on skype and gmail. And I finally graduate this year and am looking for a job. It took 4.5 miserable years and accrueing 60k debt. But I climbed out of that shithole and have become stronger for it.
My real confession is I have tape recordings of interactions with my dept head and these creepy professors. and have already found their parent in laws mailing addresses.
>I hope they like public scandal and divorce.
>>697905724
>my girlfriend prefers women and I prefer gay men.
kek
>>697905769
divorce her you cuck, just tell them the truth and when she gets the kids atleast they'll hate her for life just make sure to always visit them and if you cant just tell them "how much you love them and it had to be this way because their mother cheated on you" before leaving
you'll get the last laugh, trust me
:^)
>>697886909
This is hard for me to say.. I.. I...
T..
I thought that elfen leid was a ok anime
>>697889902
>lemon stealing whore
when I saw that vid I laughed so hard I lost my boner
>>697891995
Everybody loves surprises dude. I mean... bitch.
>>697909085
Dude I fucking loved Elfen Lied
I've had sex with 3 chicks and haven't had a blowjob
