Inappropriate places /b/ blew their load
>my personal favorite is on one of my teachers skirt
>church
>school
>flea market
>next to sleeping people
>driving
>sitting in class
im pretty much always touching myself
>>69577732
Howd you manage that
>>695777986
Same here anon
>>695778168
what was that
>>695777986
I'm kinda the same, but currently, at mid twenties, I am in a early life crisis and are hard into nofap.
Balls hurt sometimes, but I gotta get laid again.
Chicks have that sense for blue balls, y'know. It's nearly creepy.
>>695778168
>ask teacher to stay after to "catch up on late class work"
>she usually just spends her time walking around the classroom
>start wanking that meat
>take my time and wait for a good time to bust
>teacher bends down to pick up poster boards from people's projects
>this_is_my_chance.wav
>quickly get up and blast on the back of her skirt
>she turns around
>play it cool as if I'm sharpening my pencil
As soon as I almost got caught I realized I was testing my luck, so I thanked her for letting me stay and booked the fuck out of there
Why the fuck is your teacher outside?
>>695777986
Probably touching yourself to everyones posts as we speak
>>695779268
Not OC
>>695777323
explain
A vagina a week before we were to marry -for the sole purpose of procreation.
>>695779984
Did they disown you?
>>695778698
You magnificent bustard
>>695780113
At least it wasn't on a 3 year old.
>>695778698
We need pictures of your teacher and age pls (this is not to aid an masturbation)
>>695777323
Did you fuck her and then cum on her skirt? or did you just run up jerking it?
>>695777323
All of you guys are mentally disturbed and i highly recommend you see a therapist
>>695778698
For you guys wondering this story was mine (OP) so enjoy
>>695777323
Test
>>695778698
I hope this is real
on my sister in laws lotion bottle. i bet shes putting it on right now..
>>695780648
100% my doon
>>695777323
>Science class
>church during a sermon
>in a room with my grandma and her friend
>in a room at my friends house
>in one of my aunt's sandals while they were gone
most of these were when i was 11-13
>>695780815
Cheers to that
>>695780815
>toothbrushes
:3
>>695780302
She doesn't have a Facebook, but I think I have a candid or two of her. Also she's roughly in her mid 40's
I was on a bus, late at night. Only one there, really wanted to jack off. Started jacking without really thinking about where my load was going to go. In the heat of the moment, I decided the best solution was to take off my sock and cum inside it. I put it in my bag afterwords. I think I probably took off my other sock too, so I wouldn't look strange walking around with one sock.
Also I once jerked off while I was driving. Luckily I had my laundry in the car. Came in a bath towel. Not a great experience, I don't really recommend it.
>>695780463
Therapist is just "the" and "rapist" pushed together
>>695777323
How the fuck you niggas masturbate in public incognito, like someone has got to notice you with your hands in your pants, how the fuck did you just whip it out come on something and hide the boner so fast, so many god damn questions that need answers
>>695777323
Story OP?
I've cranked it out in our town library I don't know how many times. People the next row over.
>>695780302
This picture doesn't really do her justice because of the downward angle and bad lighting but trust me she's a strong 8/10. Booty for days
>>695778633
shit, you just inspired me
>>695782049
how many times you done that?
>>695780302
Blurry but I never really focused on getting good candids until after school was out
>>695780463
you know where you are, right?
>>695782049
Does she have sideburns?
>>695782191
Just the one time, but I've jerked it maybe 4 times with her in the class room using the same "can I stay after school and catch up on late work" technique. Also managed to bust in her coffee while she went to the office to drop something off
>>695782482
I think it's just the bad quality/lighting
I wish camera phones were available when I was at school, I'd jack it constantly to my biology teacher
>>695778633
Are you saying they want blue balls?
>>695781738
>ask teacher to stay after to "catch up on late class work"
>she usually just spends her time walking around the classroom
>start wanking that meat
>take my time and wait for a good time to bust
>teacher bends down to pick up poster boards from people's projects
>this_is_my_chance.wav
>quickly get up and blast on the back of her skirt
>she turns around
>play it cool as if I'm sharpening my pencil
As soon as I almost got caught I realized I was testing my luck, so I thanked her for letting me stay and booked the fuck out of there. (Same story as mentioned earlier just copied and pasted for you)
>>695777323
what is this? Is this some sort of fetish where girls get birds to poop on their ass?
>>695782721
I guess so.
They definitely like big loads.
>>695782644
I had a major hard on for my bio teacher. But was way to fucking emo to try this kind of shit.
>>695782921
Yes
>>695782483
Did she drink it just fine?
>>695782921
oldie but a goldie kek
>>695777323
I used to work at my dad's autobody shop and once he left for a few hours and I was feeling kinda horny so I just let one out right on the concrete floor. Was kind of fun.
>>695777323
On a 364 week old's face
>>695783098
Yeah she did, but it was the most anxietizing feeling of all time watching her slurp it down. The whole time I tried to pretend that I wasn't watching her drink it, but I'm sure she noticed once or twice
>>695783008
Worst thing is I had a late assignment once and she literally helped me with it for hours. During every session she would brush up against me and stuff,but being afucking retard I was totally unaware of the possibilities. God dam you just triggered me into remember ing that. I was such a God damn faggot.
>>695783413
.....6? DA hell!
>used to get random boners in high school
>decided to pull that shit out
>stick it under my sweater
>jack it
>bell rings
>no time to put my dick back
>sweater is tight around my waist
>walk to next class holding hard dick between sweater and body
>finish in the next class
>no fucks given
>>695777323
>back of a school bus
I was a student, many years ago
>in English class while we were watching MacBeth
>grocery store bathroom
>airplane bathroom
>in the ground one night when I was attempting to 'fuck the earth'
>a back alley in Korea one snowy night
>in a public restroom in Korea
>while cycling
>at my internship under my desk
A church on Easter
>>695781715
In an ugly chick.
Aeriously. I am ashame
>>695782921
>>695783116
someone has the screencap of this?
>>695784083
you win, on vacation next to my cousin he never knew
>>695783509
Did you mix it or something because surely it would just be a big whit goop floating in her cup...
>>695784569
Now that my dick's returned to full health, I want to try fapping in other strange places. Maybe the meat section at Publix.
>>695784300
>>695784611
Yeah I stirred that shit up with a pencil
>>695778698
ur a legend #neverforgetyou
every one of m nieces and nephews births i would go in the hospitals bathroom and blow my load waiting in the waiting rooms where horrible
US Navy War room inside NH95, in the early 1990s they were remodeling the room, 2am in morning and I run one out. True story and have proof
>>695784897
Do you think she ever noticed this Stuff?
>>695785015
>spreading the semen in the war room
>>695782921
>>695783116
>>695784300
>>695785096
I'm actually pretty sure she saw one time but I usually wear sweat pants and whatnot, so I just played it off like I was tying the strings on my pants
>>695785314
i was late.
>>695777323
on flowers
>>695781715
you have to not masturbate for days and then youll get halfway without any work or hands involved
>>695781715
>>695777323
Sisters baby blankey
>>695782483
youre lying
I don't spooge on people. I do something worse.
>went to culinary school in high school (overachieving little fuck)
>learned how to make pastry, cookies, pies, cakes, pretty much anything with flour and sugar you put in your mouth
>since I was 17, every single "special" project I have been hired to do - wedding cakes, cupcakes, cookies, etc - has had two loads of my sperm in it
>one in the egg mixture
>one in the frosting
>I have made batches of cookies for my female friends and been the chef friend that does all the all-girl stuff
>I never eat any of these
>but two months ago this utter fucking douchebag and his fiancee came to my workshop
>gave them sample cupcakes after 1st appointment for tasting
>gave her what I call the addiction special
>gave him the brown note special (identical looking cupcakes)
>offered to teach them to bake
>three hours later get completely effusive email from fiancee
>an hour later get angry phone call from douchebag
>one week later teaching fiancee how to frost a cake brush my cock up against her ass
>two weeks later she's sucking me off in the kitchen
>she finds out he's cheating on her, so she asks if there's anything to do to him with the grooms cake he demanded for bachelor party (three months ahead of time)
>smile and says that would be unethical
>she loads it up
>next day is party
>she breaks up with him day after
>apparently she had video proof of him deep dicking her friend that she sent to him immediately after he ate the whole cake by himself
>faggot had no prenup with daughter of one of the wealthiest fuckers in my state
What he ate?
>her shit
>her menstrual blood
>a bunch of tapeworm eggs
>and an internal parasite
>>695785813
People like you make me sick
>Posting fucking longass boring lies
>>695784729
try a public bus at night and pretend to be maentally ill so they dont freak out as bad and at the end use your dick like a gun and shoot the bus driver or something
>>695785609
13 keks
>>695785673
My pants are not on fire
>>695786086
>Assaulting a MARTA employee is a felony, punishable by up to 25 years imprisonment and a heavy fine.
Maybe I'll just do it at Toys R Us or something...
>>695785813
>tapeworm eggs and an internal parasite
holy kek
>be teenager
>used to run/bike at night
>one night i'm running by a girl from schools house
>see her lights on
>horny
>#whatthehell
>sneak up to the window
>she's in panties and a t-shirt
>she's laying on her bed
>massive boner
>jerk
>bust a fat nut
>moan accidently
>her face snaps towards the window
>i bolt around the corner of her house
>sneak a look, she's hanging out the window
>run through her backyard
still have a thing for fucking/jerking outside to this day
>
>>695777323
I jerked off too my girlfriends sisters panties while she was showing
>>695785609
three thousand and two keks
>>695786426
Yeah. I feel bad about that now. I would have back then, had she not been fucking me on a regular basis for six months after that.
One should always cum into the babys milk bottle, so that it will grow up to be a proper cum addict slut that craves the seamen like nothing else.
Hnnngh, makes me imagine a generation of nice sluts going around always with the taste of cum on their lips
>>695786494
Showering*
>>695785679
No lies here m80
came in my sister's facial cream.
>>695783820
7 years actually but close
>>695785813
kek but hope i never buy from you tbh
>>695786317
do you have a gopro
>>695786426
You'd be shocked though, how many people ask if I can put something special for someone into a revenge cake.
Requests ive gotten include
>spiders (for someone deathly afraid of spiders)
>blood, piss, shit, snot, earwax, toe jam, etc
>cockroaches
>pork fat (for Jews / Muslims / Vegans)
But realistically she's the only one I told where to find the tapeworm eggs.
She found someone with amoeba dysentery on her own.
Like I said, I feel bad about it now, but
>wealthy-as-fuck hot chick friend with benefits and business contacts who fucks me four times weekly and gets me new contracts
VS
>at minimum losing business license and max being prosecuted for poisoning someone
>>695787027
As long as you don't live near the Puget Sound yer ok
>>695787139
I do not.
>>695782220
Fuuck she looks thiccccc
>used to steal friends sisters panties all the time
>have sisters, if they ever had a sleepover or anything I'd try to snag a pair of whoever was over (always put it back of course)
>best time was once my friends mom got wasted drunk and passed out on his couch
>solid milf 9/10
>took turns watching her in case she got sick
>my turn
>try to get her to drink some water
>shake her repeatedly
>she's completely unresponsive
>eyes rolled back in head/entirely limp
>$$$
>stuck my hand down her pants
>stuck two fingers in
>not wet, but manageable
>sniff the fuck out of them while i jerk one
>bust in her open mouth (as best i could)
>realize what i did and freak out
>see my jizz dripping out of her mouth and onto her pillow
>panic
>clean it up the best i can
>never been so religious in my life
Inside the cup and straw of a girl friend of mine's cup she left in my car. Pic related...diamonds when I watched her drink out of it
>>695787606
bruh i live in University Place
>>695785015
Drop dat proof anon.
Also, to reiterate for
>>695787027
I really only give the cream pie stuff to women, or do it knowing that a woman is going to be eating it.
But there's just something about delivering 48 handcrafted cumcakes to a horde of women at a party and watching them gorge on my semen.
>>695777323
kek
>>695787618
i was gonna say you could vid and post in a few days
>>695786492
this is strangley hot.
>>695787978
Fucking hell that's HILARIOUS.
Never done a gig there though. Mostly rich-as-fuck bitches from Mercer Island and Bellevue.
>>695788219
Shit is it a good living
>>695777323
grandparents house
church
airplane lavatory
meh
>>695788449
It's a side job. I don't do it fulltime.
Part of the whole "exclusivity" bullshit that let's me get away with crap.
>>695788577
When you jerk off into the cakes are you thinking of all those girls eating your baby gravy and whered you graduate from i did from Curtis HS
>>695788449
The only thing I'd say is the money I spent on culinary school and getting the skills I have is way crappy on the ROI.
Reason I became a PM is because you are poor as fuck if you don't have skills or contacts as a baker.
>>695780905
3rd and 5th made me lol
>>695785609
>in Walmart
Those have cameras everywhere. What a fucking moron.
>be teenager
>sleepover at friends
>his sister is a year younger
>also has a friend sleeping over
>all hanging out
>turns sexual
>sisters friend wants to see who can bust a bigger nut
>friend says he'd need help
>"ditto"
>i head into bathroom with friends sister
>he heads into his room with her friend
>she sits on the toilet staring at me
>i'm nervous as fuck, never done this before
>start stroking
>she takes off her pajamas
>cute bra and panties
>she tells me she'll do anything, but no touching
>she has a bf
>i tell her to finger herself
>both staring into each other eyes, going hard
>i tell her to take off her panties and hand them to me
>they're soaked
>deeply inhaling, about to cum
>she takes off her bra and holds it in front of my dick
>i cum buckets
>most goes over the bra
>hits her face, her hair, her chest, her legs
>she's a goddamn glazed donut
>wipes it off the best she can, transfers to bra
>head back out
>my friend and her friend were sitting on the couch, cumless
>he was too nervous, couldn't do it
>CHAMPION
i ended up hooking up with her a few times later, but that was it, she became a junkie. too bad. still have a huge panty fetish
>>695788188
Isn't it?
>>695777323
In bed with my (girl) cousin sleeping in my room. Her family spent the night and she was on an air mattress in my room. I tried to fap as silently as possible but figured she was asleep.
The next morning she asked my aunt if she could sleep in their guest room instead.
>>695777323
on a screen
>>695789291
kek
>>695779417
>implying you don't touch yourself while online
>>695782644
same. My 7th grade bio teacher was like 25 and pretty hot
>>695788794
Nope.
Generally speaking, I don't "jerk off into cakes".
>spank it into a silicone ingredient cup, add egg white, flavor extract of some kind, and superfine sugar, mix quickly and freeze
>when I want a fresh batch, same procedure, just done late at night when making frosting batches for decorators
>max semen output ever is 1/2 tbsp, so negligible effect on anything especially mixed with egg white
>if doing eggless it gets mixed into the sugar / frosting mix with liquor or flavoring agent.
Used to work in fast food
Blew a load into the burger sauce every day, kids, adults and the elderly were eating my jizz burgers for years
>aunt invited me to come out to visit her out of town
>one day she takes her kids grocery shopping and to the library, leaves me home
>because of the distance never really been close
>she's a california girl, super hot
>head into her room
>panty raid
>find sexy bras/panties
>dildos
>lube
>straight to the bathroom
>first time jerking with real lube
>rub my dick all over everything
>suck the dildo
>yall know the taste
>nut into one of the thongs
>rub dildo all in it
>back in the drawer
at the time, i didn't know how semen would dry on fabric like it does. always regretted putting the thong back like that. she definitely noticed. never mentioned it though. good times
>>695789738
>>695789782
shitheads like you get me paranoid that I've eaten jizz in food I've bought nefore
>>695777323
>be 21
>with girlfriend in decrepit casino near Reno
>there is a part of the casino that is curtained off
>mostly blackjack tables and stuff
>jokingly suggest we should fuck in their
>gf is totally up for it
>i back down like a bitch
>gf is disappoint
>a little later makes a joke about it
>my pride is offended
>grab her by the hand and we go back to that casino
>now there are even few people around
>harder to sneak in to back room
>girlfriend just goes in without caring
>follow about 30 seconds later
>find her under a table in the middle of the room
>she already has her underwear off and her skirt is hiked up
>we start fucking, but i'm nervously listening for every sound
>just about to spooj when a hand grabs me by the hair and pulls me off gf
>i shoot jizz all over some guy in a security guard uniform
>gf yells at the guy to fuck off
>he's so flummoxed he let's me go
>gf and i bolt for the door
this happened many years ago, and we still kek about it
>>695788794
And it started as a joke but now it's pretty much part of my baking ritual.
Besides, most of the time the women buying my stuff have insanely complicated requests that included weird stupid combos like truffle mango cupcakes. You could insert dried elephant dung into these and it would be detectable with only molecular analysis equipment.
>>695777323
in your mom's moist yeast infected pussy. twice.
>>695790119
You have. Guaranteed.
You've also consumed shit, piss, blood, public hair, dandruff, and pus from infected pimples, vaginal yeast, and chances are, toenails.
>>695790119
Have you ever eaten food you didnt prepare yourself?
Bad news you ate some guys jizz its like a competition some days who can put the worst shit in the food, plenty of times ive put my finger in my ass and rubbed it on your meat patty
>>695789738
i was trying to keep it simple and i dont bake really i only took a semester of culinary arts so i didnt really want to get technical and end up being wrong
>>695790550
Hell naw, this some South Park ass burgers shit
>>695790616
....semester and a half of culinary arts? The fuck is that shit? Not even Cordon Bleu calls it that. Community college?
>>695790119
Oh, you definitely have.
>>695790868
The good news is most of the time that doesn't do anything other than scare the fuck out of people who aren't aware of what the food industry is like
>shitty wages for high stress work with immediate feedback
>leads to high levels of who gives a fuck
>>695790851
Sandwich Technicians goto Food Technology and Construction courses
>>695790347
Stupid rich sluts wouldnt be able to tell anyway probably and you just made me think ive probably seen at least one woman around town that has consumed your semen
>>695791300
I'm going to go with 5k or so at this point. I've been doing this for about 10 years so far.
>>695791188
"Food technology". Goddamn. I have a food tech rep who tries to sell me shit all the time. Failed pharmaceutical rep or something. The funniest are when I tell her that most people just use a ziploc bag with a nozzle for the shit she's trying to sell at 200 a pop.
>she always, ALWAYS tries the frosting
>>695790851
SPCLAA high school cooking class i know the basics, but i wouldnt say i know anything for chef work or serious restaurant work
>>695791389
nice
>>695786494
mmm, youre the man ;D
>>695790083
Well,. I dont know/want to know what it taste tho,.
in an unconscious girl's pussy
>>695787606
> MFW I'm across the fucking country in Maryland
>>695785813
>shit
>tapeworm eggs
>parasites
motherfucker your a bio-terrorist
>>695777323
At work i go to the female restroom and cum on their toilet seats. Then fap the next day knowing they sat on my cum
>>695793223
>implying people don't wipe the seat before sitting down
>>695793834
>implying girls ever sit on the seat in the first place
>>695787934
If she was flat out pitch black out of it why didn't you stick it in her??????
>MFRN
>>695780648
It's not it's a porn shoot from Miss Sweeney
Inside another man's urethra
when I was 12 I jerked off in the middle of the road at like 11pm, almost got hit by a car. too scared to cum on anything incase they found it and tracked it back to me so I ended up busting a huge nut in my pants, had to walk with that for 50 minutes before I got home.
to this day I still dont know if the people in the car saw or not or why I timed it so poorly instead of doing it like 5 minutes away from my house.
>>695793918
>implying girls go to the toilet
>>695794139
Why do I want to do this now?
If you do this and then the other guy cums into your urethra, your cum would go in first, so if you then came, his cum would come out first and yours would follow. No matter how many times you go back and forth, your cum is always in the same order.
>2016
>not getting hit up for a reload
>>695794389
>implying girls
>>695794290
>incase they found it and tracked it back to me
We found this jizz on the road last night. Better spend hundreds of dollars testing it for DNA to see who was jacking off in the road.
>>695794685
>implying
>>695794748
kek
SILs shoes
>>695794290
>driving down the road
>see little white spot on the road
>wtf was that shit?
>pull over and get out of car to investigate
>i-is that cum?
>better call the police
Over my next door neighbor's wife's face.
I was 16, she was 30.
>Private teacher living room
>Pool
>>695794748
I know, but when I was 12 I was super paranoid, didnt help that I was high as well
![qKq1nON[2].gif](https://i.imgur.com/u6HfxlA.gif "qKq1nON[2].gif")
>>695777323
No. 1 would have to go to blowing my load on a playground slide. My GF and I at the time would fuck in the playground. Sometimes I had to nut because the pussy was so good.
No. 2 has to go to my current GF who wanted to fuck in a Macy's dressing room. totally spunked her vag, but a bunch of it plopped out when I pulled out.
>>695795363
>My GF and I at the time would fuck in the playground. Sometimes I had to nut because the pussy was so good.
are you used to not cumming when you fuck?
>>695777323
In the jug of orange juice my girlfriend's roommate had in the fridge.
>Backseat of car
>Stolen phone with qt-3.14 pics
>No nudes but didnt care
>One of the weirdest faps of my life
>>695777323
>House that was for sale and viewing
>Inside my girlfriend while we fucked in one of the bedroom closets
![dNVvntX[2].gif](https://i.imgur.com/LFzdYx4.gif "dNVvntX[2].gif")
>>695795478
Of course you dumbfuck. But sometimes there's no time for her to spin around and slurp it out.
>>695795646
Bruh, My girl and I fucked in a house that was under construction. Totally nutted in someones future kitchen.
>>695795531
Parents were driving too
>>695785813
>cause I'm just gonna believe this
>>695795847
>nutted in someones future kitchen
I guarantee you every room in that house will be nutted in once they move in.
>Mother in law lives with us for a time
>She comes home drunk af one night
>Stumbles to her room waking me up
>Go to check on her, shes passed out hard
>Figure why not?
>But nut on her face while she slept
>Still dont care
>>695796191
You fucking legend
In the farthest backseat of a car while my grandma was driving. My entire family was riding along too.
>>695796257
>>695785813
>>695778698
>>695795847
reminds me
>local degenerates and other assorted scumbags use this 1 abandoned house to do drugs in
>I know this because I was one of them
>everyone brings what drugs we can then adds it to the universal supply we all share
>although we shared the supply obviously a single person wasnt allowed to take too much from it
>day before I was moving
>go to the house
>sort through the drugs until I find the weed pile
>this is the one that gets used the most
>steal roughly $5000 worth of weed
>cum on the rest
>move the next day
>dont know if they figured out that it was me but if I had t take a guess I would say yes, they did
>>695777323
In the trunk of my car
>>695777323
More pics please
>>695796336
feels good man
>>695796598
virginfag detected
>>695784897
bullshit lying faggot but if you guys like it whatever
LIAR
>>695796513
Matt?
>>695779984
Fucking bliss
>>695777986
>Be me
>16 at the time
>At step-grandparents house (My family tree is fucked up, as if it's been Hiroshima-fied)
>They're some of the dullest but nicest people on Earth, wanting to play "Dominos" with my mom and step-dad
>"Do you want to play, Anon?"
>"No thanks, ma'am. Do you mind if I just go to sleep right here for an hour or two?"
>"Of course, Anon!"
>Lay down on couch, look at clock
>5:15 PM
>Close eyes, can't sleep
>Clock dings, 6:00
>Can't sleep
>Clock dings, 7:00
This goes on until 10'oclock. THEY'RE STILL FUCKING PLAYING WITH DOMINOS IN THE KITCHEN.
>Pick up magazine with attractive model on the front
>Glue the pages shut, if you know what I mean
>I shit you not, as soon as I put the magazine back and buckled my pants, they opened the door
>"Oh Anon, you're awake! Do you want some ice cream?"
>>695797431
Kim?
many different pairs of womens shoes
>>695797115
nnnope? just not believing these fake ass edgy stories.
>>695797341
This shit is actually sort of common
>>695787934
>my friends mom got wasted drunk and passed out on HIS couch
There's a long distance from "her" to "him.
Is your Mom's friend's name is Robert?
Someone is masking a childhood drama, unsuccessfully.
Drivers Ed teacher almost caught me in the computer room but I said my hand was itching and rubbing it in the table but she had a crush on me but she was ugly and anyways she just said "ok" and started talking to me the whole damn time I was in there about stupid shit the other teens did in other classes she had.
>>695797764
It's not that hard to do man. Good timing with good discrete techniques and you could probably blast just about anywhere
>>695780815
>not cumming in your sister in law instead
>>695798351
i highly doubt this baker faggot guy fucked a clients fiance and then proceeded to get her on board with feeding him shit, cum, period blood, maggots, and a parasite.
or do you just believe everything you read online?
>>695798423
I drank too much caffeine to post that
>>695785813
Reasons why i just cook and grow my own food
>>695798757
its not even an artistic work of fiction
must be a falsehood
Three of my friends toothbrushes when we were 18. Greentext:
>friends are staying night at my house because we all drank and they Brought shit with them to stay
>have to fap
> tell them I'm taking a shit
>fap to hentai on phone
>cum in hand
>they knew they were staying so they brought toothbrushes
> decide to pour it on their toothbrushes
>wash it off a bit so they can't see it
>still enough to not be visible but be at least 1 ml
>flush toilet and wash hands
>wait another 2 hours
> watch friend brush his teeth while waiting to brush mine
> he doesn't notice
>all my friends brush teeth
>none of them notice
>eventually start crying laughing
>they ask what's so funny
>say I remembered something
>tell them story about 5th grade tard
>thatwasclose.exe
>they still don't know
>>695778483
OP's post. Anon just erased the last number.
I just rubbed my cock and precum all over the crotch of my aunt's one piece I know she's wearing tomorrow
Fuuck she's gonna walk around rubbing it on her pussy
>>695790339
>flummoxed
What?
>>695799099
cumming in shoes is so fucking gay.
oh wow, shes gonna get it on her feet, thats an erotic part of the body.
having a foot fetish is up there with being a cuck and having a fat chick fetich in terms of beta-ness
>>695799680
sounds like you're mad. did someone cum in your gf's shoes?
>>695790339
>flummoxed
>>695785813
Things that never happened
>>695799819
how can anyone even be attracted to feet? like, why?
I used to work in a car with local female news reporters, and I'd rub my dick all over their drinks when they are out of the car, and I have came in their lunch a few times and mixed it in so they never noticed. God it turned me on for some reason
>>695780463
You're on the wrong web site NORMIE. Fuck off!
>>695798038
SHE passed out on OP's friend's (his) couch.
Tool.
>>695796513
>>695777323
I got a handy from my gf while I was in the passengers seat and she was driving a manual transmission car, in town. Nothing has topped that for me.
>>695800045
something about them is hot. idk
>>695796257
>but nut
>>695800211
>trying this hard
>>695786662
Holy shit. The most autistic thing I've ever read.
Kill yourself.
Math class
>>695798506
High heels are the best
>>695798868
What the fuck was he trying to steal?
His tie? kek
>>695801385
agreed. I've came in so many
>>695797589
Nope
In college, I'd sometimes work in the kitchen to make some spending cash. When I'd get the early morning breakfast shift, I'd have to make a big pot of hot cereal (oatmeal, cream of wheat, etc.)
I'd get it all made, and just before the serving staff arrived, I'd blow a load in the cereal, then watch all the hot college girls eating my jizz.
>>695784729
fuck you faggot do that at walmart we put up with enough shit working for publix
I accidentally fucked my friends sister. Then mom found out. Then I fucked the daughter and mom for like a month. Wanted a 3way. But daughter didn't now I was fucking mom
>>695801566
Same. Blck leather, straps, 6" heels. Do you rub it in a bit afterwards so not so obvious
>>695797589
Are you Matt T though I'm very curious
>>695801344
I remember my first day here
>>695795711
You and i have sex differently. I almost always cum in the pussy.
On bleachers at high school pep rally
>>695802027
Nope. I leave the whole load in like that
>>695785813
deserves a screencap for history of /b/ unless he a lying faggot which i dont think
Jacked off while my friend Monica slept next to me in her friends bed. Felt up her ass and cummed everywhere, she never noticed.
I had a class where i worked in a green house. She was sexy as fuck. she started getting chubby and one day her gjeans were too tight. the crack from her big bubble butt was showing. I ended up alone with her. she was standing working at a table facing the wall. i lost my mind. standing a few feet behind her, i took my cock out and beat off. I remember it was a hard orgasm. tons of cum on the ground behind her
>>695800211
chhhhhhheck em! you're checked
>>695802530
I'm too afraid she'll notice - she's a relation. Is yours in on it?
There is a short vid I saw where a girl is just about to go out - all dressed up - and bf cums in one of her heels ha ha aa she drops it and grabs another pair and goes.
>>695803113
my gf knows i do it in her shoes and her friends' too
>>695802556
>thinking that is real
>actually having autism
>>695802574
that was like 10 years ago. shes chubby as fuck now. still can't believe i did shit like that. it would be the worst to get caught
>>695803280
Have you ever came on an actually living being other than yourself?
>>695803578
yeah I have, what does that have to do with this obviously bullshit story and people being autistic enough to believe it?
>>695804498
>>695801955
how do you 'accidentally' have sex
>>695777323
elementary detention
and on a airplane seat, i thought i got away with it but looking back the lady next to me most likely suspected
>>695803355
some other crazy shit i did was jerk off behind this chick too. she was my nieghbor and we would walk home the same way through the woods. i'd cut a hole in my pocket and cum into a condom most the time. i did it like a dozen times before i got the balls to talk to her. we became friends which was weird as fuck having done. she would let me massage her and a few times i straddled her ass while i did it. once i felt up her ass and she was moaning. i could have fucked her for sure looking back. i was such a pussy than
>>695795030
How
>>695777323
Years ago i jerked off in a park. There wa this area you could sit in and bushes hid you. I only did it once. Man i was horny as a teen.
Used to jerk off at work too. Work at a movie store and i was the only one there. Sometimes when it was slow i'd go in the back and jerk off. Used to blow load on the olsen twins dvds. Lol
Lastly, jerked off in public bathrooms
>>695777323
in the elevator of an hotel
next to my sleeping female cousin
at the house of a few female friends
supermarket toilet
>>695803258
that's one of the horniest things ever!
>>695777323
>while holding my sleeping infant daughter in my arms (hands-free orgasm)
>at work bathroom
>at my mother-in-laws bathroom while sniffing her dirty panties (family was in next room)
>in an empty spa area while a cleaning lady was there
>while driving
>at public swimming pool bathroom (three times, mother-in-law was there in a swimsuit)
Never came into anyones food or lotion bottles, though. Definitely gonne do that to my MIL.
>>695785813
>a bunch of tapeworm eggs
>and an internal parasite
Calling bullshit.
>>695803355
You could probably fuck her. Just imagine your pelvis smashing on that thick ass.
>bathroom floor
>school
>airplane bathroom
>the Mediterranean Sea
>>695780113
>>695787934
>never been so religious in my life
Fucking kek
>parents room
>computer desk on left side of bed-
>jerk off with the lower half of my body hidden by the fact i was on my knees, on the right side of the bed
>mom at computer desk
>nut on the floor while talking to her
That's the weirdest
Strangest place was at work, reading incest stories on the net while 4 or 5 female Mexican workers were sitting about 10 feet behind me stuffing envelopes. Another time was in the back seat of my friend's car. I use to carpool with him and his wife. I whacked it incognito while thinking about his wife sucking me off. She had huge tits.
>>695806233
her and her friend still got me jackin to them since high school
>>695808415
just go for it. they seem attainable.
Vagina
>>695802228
How was your day yesterday? Did yiu have fun?
No way in hell is this thread dying
PLS BUMP
>Be me
>Be 16 year old
>Meeting girlfriend parents
>Be nerveous as fuck
>They are nice, so calm down
>Girlfriend's mom is super hot, like girlfriend but with big melons
>Need to go to the bathroom
>Not working
>Ask gf mom
>She takes me to her room and point her bathroom
>Leaves me there
>OhYeah.wav
>Go to closet and look for pantys
>Find sexual toys
>Jackpot.jpg
>Found dildo, lube, a bunch of porn magazines, chains, al lot of BDSM things and pictures of gf mom completley nude
>Go to bathroom
>Never fapped that many times un a short amount of time
>Cum 3 times in like 5 min
>Return everything except for the pantys, I cummed in them
>Grab a plastic bag from something in the bathroom
>Put it in my pocket
>Return to living room and see gf's mom face
>She suspected something but never said something to me
>Still keeping those pantys
>>695810266
Sorry for bad english, norwegian fag here
>>695810266
Are you still with this Girlfriend?
>>695810266
Should've came on the dildo
>>695810487
Sadly no, she break up whit me 3 months after that, that was to years ago, pic related, it's her, 18 years now
>be me
>14
>Freshman year of highschool
>9/10 sits in front of me
>Talk to her, kinda friends with her
>One day wears really short shorts
>Fucking strapless shirt
>Leans forward
>Purple thong
>Hard as diamonds
>Play with dick for most of class
>Bell rings and I run for the bathroom
>Blow huge fucking load all over toilet
>Guy walks in and scream wtf
>Still cumming while looking him in the eyes
>Zip pants up and go to PE
>Remember her sexy ass fondly
>Could've maybe fucked her
>>695777323
Should have been in said teacher.
>>695811537
If I ever got the chance to cum in said teacher, you bet your fucking nut sack that I'm not missing a drop
>>695810199
Dubs confirms, thread shall live
>>695777323
bump
>>695778698
How did you take the picture OP?
>>695813617
I think you're referring the first pic for the thread, but that one isn't OC. I haven't actually gotten a pic of her with a load on her... Yet. But I do know she goes to the same lake every now and then (no one is ever there) so I'll try to tap a pic there
