Feels thread?
The stories and information posted here are artistic works of fiction and falsehood.
Only a fool would take anything posted here as fact.
Only a fool would take anything posted here as fact.
Feels thread?
Hey guys, whats going on tonight?
>>695297756
That's a dumb quote from a terrible artist, you can't accomplish everything in one day, Picasso
>>695298118
not much, had a pretty good day actually, i even had fun with friends, but i got home and i ended up like this
>>695298184
Bob Ross confirmed better
>>695298377
We just image bumping for a bit?
>>695298561 i guess so, just dumping my favorite ones from my folder
Anyone have the story of Anon and Elise? That shit gets me everytime.
Need to rename this
To everyone who's a depressing cunt, grow the fuck up.
23, cripple, just underwent shoulder replacement, and I'm fucking loving life. You know why? Cause every day is a chance for something new to happen. If you don't like where you are, do something about it and stop bitching. You fuckin lazy cunts have no one to blame but yourself for how you feel.
YLYL thread in disguise, everyone loses
Met a girl online a couple months back, we talk a couple times every week. I think I love her...
>>695299904
I honestly hope you find a reason to kill yourself anon.
>>695299989
lost at this
nigga was only 11 away from quints
>>695299904
>Cause every day is a chance for something new to happen.
nothing has happened in my life but shit and dissapointment, so yeah, its a chance for something new that never comes
Now the only thing that terrifies me is my son dying. I can only barely how empty my life would be if he was gone. It keeps me up at night sometimes.If my wife would die, yeah, I'd be really sad and would probably feel like a part of me is gone but my kid, man, it's my core. He's 3 and I feel unbelievably happy when he laugh or when he hugs me for no reason. Losing this would be the end of my life.
>>695300487
I think you mean "10"
It's okay Anon, not everyone understands basic math.
>>695300874
11 would have worked too
>>695298153
All of my this.
Bamp
too many times
philip larkin says it best.
I just miss her you know
not sure what this pic is from the thumbnail, hopefully it's feels
>>695299904
I hope your surgeon used dirty medical equipment and you get an infection and die.
>>695301527
Damn...
I want her back
>>695302203
Playing feels roulette again, no idea what these are because I don't have the energy to open them before I post them
"We are all stars in the sky
We all shimmer then decay
So I wonder - did I burn out, make a mark
Or fade away?"
>>695302301
Sorry to break it to you, but she doesn't come back. It's been seven years now for me; she's likely long forgotten me and (I pray) found someone who loves her as much as I still do.
>>695302517
This is the truth
Forget women man. If you haven't gotten laid, have a one night stand to get it out of your mind, then forget women.
>>695302517
No such thing as true love
>>695298075
I tried. I tried so fucking hard and failed at everything. I failed a really great relationship, I failed a really great paying job. I'm not good at anything, just extremely bad or maybe slightly mediocre at everything.
I'm sorry, younger me. Sorry that we didn't become a video game designer or a Paleontologist like we wanted. Sorry we don't have anyone to love us or to love.
bump
The only thing that keeps me from killing myself is the knowledge that there isn't anything after death. I mean, feeling pain and sadness is better than feeling nothing at all, right? At least I can feel.
-sigh-
>>695299904
just wow people still don't get how depression actually works eh hope you get hit by a bus
>>695297814
yo nice one drake
big fan btw
>>695302350
(Same anon from before) damn man... This hit me hard...
>>695299621
Oh jesus christ, fuck you. fuck this.
>>695303280
Damn, Anon. Damn.
>>695298612
Fuck I'm not even sad over my fucking breakup and this shit got me and she's in the next room...
>>695303190
at least you tried, and you can still try again, but i know you are already tired of trying and failing over and over again, i know i am, and "resting" or to just stop trying for a while isn't working as one would expect
>>695303695
Every feels thread winds up devolving into pining for "the one that got away." I've got so many worse feels than that right now...
>>695301485
I know, anon. It fucking sucks.
Why doesn't love me anymore?
>>695303190
I am married with our first child almost a year old know lifes great. BUT i can't shake the feeling you describe mediocre at everything was great in school then last year of highschool stopped trying and i have gone back to college 3 times can't finish. literally a semester left for all 3 i sabotage everything i do myself. have 2 houses make good money but feel like I can't finish anything.
>>695302301
Then go get her. It's what I'm working on.
I think my girlfriend of three years wants to break up with me but Is afraid of how I'd take it.
She's probably found someone better too.
Started hanging out with new people cause all my old friends from high school don't make a fucking effort to even contact me or reply to any firm of communication .
New friends seem to not like me either.
Have done nothing with my life since I graduated high school three years ago. So I feel like a failure.
>>695302350
This hurts.
This is it. This is what I fucking am. A fuck up. A fucking waste. I had one good thing in my life, the kind of thing everyone wants, and I fucked it up. I fucked it up because I was scared to lose her. I clung to her too goddamn hard, and it drove her away. She probably hates me now.
All I have now is a shit $9 an hour job. I'm fucking 23, I live with my dad, I work at Walmart 40 hours a week, and I look forward to my days off solely because I can get drunk alone in my room and find feels threads on /b/. I can miss her in peace, without anyone asking what's wrong, why aren't I smiling, why do I seem so detached. I'm detached because I'm fucking broken.
Fuck this, /b/.
>>695304666
Life hurts Satan
>>695304289
>have 2 houses make good money
I would fucking KILL for the ability to achieve that. Instead, I'll continue to live paycheck to paycheck until my mother passes away because I don't want her to have to bury me, then go out into the woods and put a shotgun in my mouth.
Fuck's sake, you have more than I could ever hope for.
>The first time I saw her, everything in my head went quiet.
>All the ticks, all the constantly refreshing images just disappeared.
>When you have OCD, you don't really get quiet moments.
>Even when I'm lying in bed I'm constantly thinking "Did I lock the door? Yes. Did I wash my hands? Yes. Did I lock the door? Yes. Did I was my hands? Yes." but when I saw her, all I thought about was the curve of her lips and the eyelash on her cheek.
>I asked her out 6 times in 30 seconds.
>She said yes after the third one but none of them felt right so I had to keep going.
>On our first date I spent more time organizing my meal by color than I did eating or talking to her
>But she loved it
>She loved that I had to kiss her goodbye 16 times
>She loved that it took me forever to walk home because there are lots of cracks on our sidewalk
>When we moved in together, she said she felt safe because I definitely locked the door 18 times
>I always watched her mouth when she talked
>When she said she loved me, her mouth would curl up at the edges
>At night, she would lay in bed and watch me turn the lights off and on and off and on and off and on and off
>She'd close her eyes and imagine days and nights were just passing in front of her
Cont.
>>695303894
Goddamn.
I don't want to be alive anymore.
I am bad at school, sports, video games, a well-paying job, making friends, keeping friends, talking to people, a beautiful relationship I somehow managed to fuck up.
The only reason I haven't killed myself yet is because feeling sadness and crippling loneliness is better than nothing at all, I guess.
>>695304550
How?
>>695303987
this hurts a lot
>>695305165
Burning in hell is preferable, my child
eh fuck it. I'll join the crying thread. just moved into my appartment right after college. first time I've been further away than 2 hours from my family. getting the moving blues and want to off myself. seeing what family has given me brings back so many memories and I've only been gone a month.
guess what really depresses me is the new job and if I can do it. also if I can actually pay my bills. and shit.
anyways I'll probably do nothing and just stay in my room as always
>>695305347
cont plz
>>695305584
Work on yourself, man. Better yourself. Get yourself stable. If you don't at least like yourself, if you're not comfortable with yourself, why should she be?
If she cheated on you, or fucked you over in a similar manner, fuck her. It hurts, yes, but you deserve better.
https://youtu.be/baZ6iCEd2vo
>>695305347
and then you woke up
Here’s one I got off of a coworker let’s call him Anon:
>Anon was a Volunteer Fireman
>There was a family with a 5 year old daughter
>One night in the middle of winter (northern state) daughter decides to go outside when parents distracted
>They Call 911 to help look for her
>Police/Firemen/Parents go searching the empty crop fields looking for her
>Anon was part of group that found her in the Field.
>Anon looks down at her and sees her laying down in the field curled up hugging her teddy bear
>Reminds him of his own daughter
>Anon’s daughter would curl up and fall asleep on the middle of the living room floor from time to time
>Anon would go up to her, shake her to wake her up and help her to bed
>This little girl in the field looked just like that. Just waiting for someone to wake her up and help her to bed
>Anon knows that no matter how much you shook this girl, she was never going to wake up
>She was gone and there is nothing that anyone could do
Anon has seen some fucked up shit as a Volunteer Fireman but this was the incident that made him leave the department.
>>695305842
>Get yourself stable.
Easy words to say. Every time I've gotten stable, something happens and I break down again...with no one to help me prop myself back up.
Sometimes, Humpty Dumpty stays broken no matter how much glue you use.
>>695299989
Lost
>>695305590
i can tell you its bullshit. people move to different communities all the time and often times start with no friends at all. social skills and a social life can be rebuilt
>>695306168
>Let's call him Anon
What kind of faggot are you
>>695305347
>When she woke up in the morning, I would start kissing her goodbye, but she would just leave because I was making her late for work
>When I would stop at a crack in the sidewalk, she kept walking
>When she said she loved me, her mouth was a straight line
>She told me I was taking up too much of her time
>Last week, she started sleeping at her mother's place
>She told me that she shouldn't have let me get so attached to her
>That this whole thing was a mistake
>But how can it be a mistake if I don't have to wash my hands after I touch her?
>It's killing me that she can get away from this and I just can't because I always think of her
>Usually when I obsess over things I see germs sinking into my skin
>I see myself crushed by an endless succession of cars and she was the first beautiful thing I ever got stuck on
>I want to wake up every morning thinking about the way she holds her steering wheel
>How she turns shower knobs like she's opening a safe
>Now, I just think about who else is kissing her and I can't breathe because he only kisses her once
>He doesn't care if it's perfect
>I want her back so bad I leave the door unlocked
>I leave the lights on
>>695304110
i hear you anon and i agree. there are much bigger problems in life than some bitch who didnt want you
>>695305975
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FCb3rblTEds
>>695306287
I know they're easy to say. I'm not even entirely sure what I mean. I've gotten a job, budgeted, talked to a therapist, I feel like I'm stabilizing myself but I dunno.
Just keep trying, brother. If you love her, if she's truly worth it, you have nowhere to go but up. Once you hit rock bottom, even disappointment can't get you lower. Even if this doesn't work out for me, it'd make me a lot happier knowing it worked out for someone else.
Moving away from everyone you know, and just going to work and sitting alone in your apartment. That soul crushing loneliness...
>>695299359
Damn you, now I have the rubber ducky song stuck in my head.
>>695306667
Different anon from the one worried about "her." I'm just a guy who's been broken, put himself back together, then broken again way too many times.
Life's a cruel bitch, but far worse demons lurk in the dark corners of the mind.
>>695305347
>>695306553
Poem by Neil Hilborn
>>695307437
I've been broken a lot too, I just keep hitting back. Not even really sure why, at least I wasn't. She is my motivation. Even if she hates me now, she's still my motivation for not putting a gun in my mouth.
If that's pathetic, so be it.
>>695300734
what did you accidentally join team instinct or something?
>>695304640
I feel you.
>>695303280
wtf i hate suicide now
>>695307777
Quads prove Team Instinct is worst team
>>695304289
Guy you quoted.
At this point I just want to make a shitton of money but I'll never be able to do that either working where I'm working. I can't handle large responsibilities, I get far too nervous and uncertain about what I'm doing. I watch my manager do what she does and I'm just like, I'll never be at that skill level in anything, damn.
>>695307777
pokemon go isn't even available in my country yet kek
>>695305142
Anon goddamn are you me?
I have the exact job too, living with my mom.
Goddamn I've done nothing with my life since graduating high school so I feel like I threw a ton of opportunities away, Which is part of the reason why I think my girlfriend of three years and I are on a "break". Shes got her shit together while im just moping around in regret and i feel like im dragging her down. she seems to be taking it more easily the I am. I was also scared to lose her, clung to her, acted out on my overthinking and look where it got me.
I flat out laid all my cards down and told her what I felt and she just tells me she doesn't know what she wants.
She's probably found someone better.
>>695306553
Wow that's pretty harsh for an OCD person to leave something unlocked and the lights on along with anything else you may be doing. I'm not even attempting to be sarcastic here, holy shit. Hope it gets better for you /b/ro.
>>695298612
Whenever I see leftaligned text over an image I immediately look to see if its an acrostic, it's usually not... I get disappointed and wish it had been center aligned.
>>695298785
Not true. allowing this to happen is just the victim mentality. If you want these things you have to try for them, you have to assert yourself and stop acting like people owe you something. I feel bad for the people who had a loved one die, but this is just ridiculous.
I'm so sick of trying to get through my shitty life I'm 20 right now my mother sent me across the country cause I couldn't find a job where she lives and know I've been with my dad for a month and still having no luck. Worst part is I feel like the biggest burden to everyone I know. I've applied to 15+ jobs and they all rejected me even though I have work experience and shit. I don't even know if I can start my 3rd year of college because neither of my parents want to lend me a cent and God doesn't want to let me get a fucking job. I'm about to find a bridge in this damn city where my dad lives and jump off it.
>>695299359
Fiend killed himself 4 years ago. Had a dream like this. Don't expect you fucks to understand.
>>695308746
He didn't write that. It's from OCD by Niel Hilborn
>http://genius.com/2157306
>>695309033
Thanks for the source.
>>695308620
Our situations sound similar.
Get yourself stable, man. Seriously. It's something to work towards. All I have anymore is the hope that I can show her I'm not the piece of shit she thinks I've become. It might not be much, but it's something.
>>695308411
Fuuuuck man... I remember this story from a few years ago, and I still cry when I read it.
>>695308411
This fucking go me
>>695307860
this is my other problem right now anyways i got a promotion which is great but now i'm the companies first and only line of defence shit goes wrong its on me i hate the responsibility and i love it haven't slept properly in months super bad anxiety to where i start shaking when i get time to think wifes pretty sure i'm manic oh life how you have gotten so hard at 26
>>695309025
I'm sorry anon.
>>695305269
i know i shouldn't complain but its just the way it is it hurts all the time don't know how else to explain it. I just want to build something for my family so i push threw it i've given up on being happy myself at least I have things i guess
>>695303894
that stare...
>>695309676
You have a FAMILY. It's not about the things; it's about who's around you that you treasure. Even though I don't trust my temper when it comes to children, I'd almost KILL to have a wife and kids.
Maybe take a little time for a family vacation or something like that. Spend some time together. Dial it back a little; we live in such an instant society that we acquire and cannot enjoy what we get.
>>695309998
Fuck man this one gets me every goddamn time. RIP David.
>>695310348
yah i used to like that been 3 years since i had a vacation i used to be an alcholic and enjoyed my cocaine wife stuck through all my bs with that we we're shit poor like 6 years ago to the point where we had no idea where we we're going to get food. haven't done drugs in 4 years now and drank anything at all in 2 maybe its that kind of stuff tht makes me feel empty now
>>695309371
Nobody ever knows what they're doing in life. Absolutely nobody. Anybody who says they do is a fucking liar.
Make sure your wife knows the stress you're under because that's effed and I'd hate to read about her leaving you later because your job stresses you out.
I'm 24 and can't even imagine having that kind of job.
Nothing else to do so bumping with photos since video games are boring and I don't feel like cooking dinner.
>>695305142
I'm sorry anon.
Do you have any friends you talk to?
>>695311511
Never thought I'd say that video games are boring, damn. Haven't played anything in a month probably.
>>695311844
I have four close friends. Two of them can't really relate/commiserate because they haven't been in that situation, one is an ex, and one works constantly so it's hard for her to talk.
Besides, I don't really fancy showing the people I'm close to how fucking weak I am.
>>695309249
I hear you anon. Really. It's just it feels like she truly just wants to end it with me regardless but just wants to spare how my feelings.
This week has been pretty good though during the days at work. it's just the nights I get home and get all lonely and sad. She seems like she has fun and shit without me now.
I've been trying to make friends and stuff to distract myself, made some new ones bur seems like they don't like me either.
>>695312126
isn't that the worse part nobody around and even if they are to hard to break down and show how weak you really are.
I'll leave you guys with a big feels song for me, and some lyrics.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eDm8VrFrUf0
Don't die on me
Don't go away
When I need you here
In my need
The rain will come
The rain will always be
In things I am
Are things that have to be
My friends have come and I never bothered
Myself and I
There is no other
It's like a death becomes musical
It's musical
>>695301491
Embace? WTF? Lulz
At least we can all be alone, together... :/
>>695312434
If you think she's worth it, don't give up.
I can't really explain it, but if she is. You'll know. That's all I can really say about it. I thought it was bullshit too, but then I found what everyone else was talking about.
For me, she's worth it. And I will not give up.
Back in 6th grade (It was only 5 years ago but feels like an eternity) I had this friend, cute, funny, had a lot in common with him.
Talked every single school day, even though we only saw each other at lunch we used the whole half hour just to talk, share secrets, laugh, whatever.
As expected, we grow a little closer than friends.
Thinking back on it now, it's pretty funny thinking about how great it was to like someone who liked you back, especially your best friend.
End of the year comes with the end of elementary school, we both think we're gonna go to the same middle school and we'll only be apart for the summer. (Neither of us had phones or much access to computers, school was our only way of spending time together.)
Spent entire summer wanting school to come back around so I can be back with him, don't want to do anything else.
School finally comes, get classes, have none with him.
Search for days, don't see him.
Search for entire school year, nothing.
Repeat for entirety of middle school, each year continue to lose hope that I'll ever see him again.
High school starts, completely forgot about him, walk into woodshop class and sit down.
"Hey anon, long time no see."
He sits down right next to me and we go right back to being best friends, talking, even swapped phone numbers and frequently texted in class and everything's fine, starting to get close again, didn't ask me to any dances, but I'm not the type of person that goes to school dances. Still hoped for it.
One day, December-ish, chilling at lunch, he walks up with this girl, says it's his girlfriend.
Went home and cried like a little bitch for the rest of the day.
After the semester ended we didn't have any more classes together, and stopped talking soon after that.
Fuck me backwards with a cactus, I guess.
>>695312434
I know that "friends not liking me" feel all too well particularly now. I hate that feeling so much, feeling like a third wheel. I usually go out with a buddy but he brings his girlfriend along fucking everywhere and they get all lovey in front of me and I'm just like "..." and avert my gaze.
Same if it's those 2 and another one of his friends. Like I'm just baggage needing to be taken care of.
I've wished for years now a semi would just come and blow me to chunks and spatter on the sidewalk and just keep driving.
>>695312523
I have done it before, but only while drunk. I'm still ashamed, I fucking lock my emotions up around my friends.
>>695312523
It's even worse when you do break down. I've driven so many people away when I've lost it. They just get tired of "my shit" and toss me aside.
I'm afraid I'm about to do it again tomorrow. The closest thing I have remaining to a "friend" is coming over before work in an effort to pull me out of this hole. It sucks so much; I'd been doing well for so long and then this weekend happened...nothing actually happened but the floodgates opened anyway.
>2016
>felling anything other than numb
https://www.google.com/url?sa=t&rct=j&q=&esrc=s&source=web&cd=1&cad=rja&uact=8&ved=0ahUKEwjNrpHb2_7NAhVErB4KHf0YDHIQyCkIITAA&url=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.youtube.com%2Fwatch%3Fv%3DkXYiU_JCYtU&usg=AFQjCNFnAVvdS9Ll_GcsLjotKV5atkbV1Q
>>695313217
"They just get tired of "my shit" and toss me aside."
God fucking damn it.
>>695303894
That a Russian soldier? Poor guy, god knows what he experienced
>>695312789
THE OPPOSITE OF LOVES INDIFFERENCE
>>695308013
This exact thought stopped me from killing myself 10 years ago. I didn't end up living a crazy exciting life, but I realized that day how silly suicide would be. You're a free man if you have no fear of death.
>>695313217
Not many people can be called a "true friend" nowadays. If your "friends" ditch you in your time of weakness instead of helping you and protecting you, they're not friends, they're fucking assholes.
>>695312792
I pretty much always said I would never live for anyone else. All through high school and shit I was the one and only no long term gfs for me. Met this girl right out of high school. She was, no is my world. so fucked up how that just happens I was always called a selfish asshole. Just a few words from her
>>695313217
>They just get tired of "my shit" and toss me aside
Fuck, man.
Hits too close.
>>695313398
Best part is I don't blame them. At all.
I can blame only myself.
>>695312462
>Farah
Even dune coons have feelings.
>>695313585
I feel you. I love her more than I've ever thought it possible to love anything or anyone.
I won't give up on her. You shouldn't either, bro. Not yet. We're not gonna live forever.
>>695312996
yes that drunk shit i broke don with my buddy best friend a brother to me. It hurt so bad cried and everything didn't get out of bed for 2 days and its been probably 3 years just started talking to him again was literally ashamed at myself for it
>>695312057
that. fucking. got me.
>>695313651
Stop with this shit. It's way too easy to relate to.
I need a drink.
I used too many psychedelics when i was younger and i never actually stopped tripping. I constantly have warping vision that never seems to pass and i keep feeling distant from others and they have pointed it out too.
I spent so much time with one person that when i go driving alone i still see her out of the corner of my eye at the seat next to me. I sometimes see her in my dreams right away from my reach.
And now i can't tell if i'm asleep or awake anymore with how much weed i've pumped in my lungs and i can't help but feel like I'm doing exactly what everyone thought of me, losing my own sanity to a goddamn drug.
I wake up every day hoping to god that the fucking warping stops. Was the warping always there? I don't even remember. I just remember a calm that won't ever seem to appear for me anymore. When i tune out and daydream i can't even see, only imagine.
And the worst part of it all? I can only say it to a bunch of losers on the internet in the same situation if not worse than me, not a therapist, not my family, hell not even to her. How could i explain to them that i got tweaked out in the head? I never can and I never will.
But that's just me, right? I'm the crazy one for wanting to forget about the mother that beat me and told me their whole relationship fell because of me, for wanting to forget about the amount of times my parents begged for money and spent it on cigarettes and liquor instead of food for my goddamn brothers, wanting to forget when my own girlfriend called me a disappointment and a failure, wanting to forget that maybe i am just some druggie loser that will die overdosing and never be able to get the feeling of human again and not feel like a machine that can't sleep can't eat can't even empathize with others just because of how fucked up i am and then the tears start flowing along with the booze and i forget my own name again
and then in those moments when the shot hurts me again, Im happy. so happy... so... warped...
Today was a shit day. My life was okay up til now. Always had enough friends to keep me occupied. Although I never had a girlfriend I at least always had the option to have one if I lowered my standards. But today has stopped all chances of my life getting better. During a routine sti check I get every six months I got diagnosed with hiv. I was just going to transfer to a four year school after dealing with shitty community college for two years. I had spent years at the gym finally satisfied enough with my body that my confisence was huge. I had just met the girl that we both mutually liked each other enough to date. And now there's no point. I'm gonna die decades earlier than I should even though I had been healthy my entire life because of one shit decision. Tbh I'm scared, I'm sad, and I'm angry and I'm not sure what to do now.
I've been having emotional break downs for the past few weeks, i got in a car accident Sunday and I take one of the biggest tests of my life on Saturday which I don't feel ready for. Life is hitting me like a truck and I just want to get it over with
>>695313804
I can't find words to tell her anyways. I fucked it up and can't say anything can't think of anything. But doesn't mean i don't try to think of something. I lay there thinking about what to say almost everyday but its just a hey how are you doing i can still feel the hate or the i can't do it again seething from her.
on all the bullshit that hapened to me.
moot leaving us was the final blow.
>>695314161
How long did you use psychedelics for?
>>695314476
How long has it been?
Do any of you guys do creative stuff like music or art?
I've been playing guitar for about 9 years and I'm just stuck.
I feel like everything I've ever wanted to say or play with art has been not only done better than I ever could, but by about 1 person.
Every day I look at the thousands of dollars I've pissed through with music and instruments, and realize I have nothing to show for it.
I wasted my teenage years being a straight edge little shit practicing my guitar poorly, leaving me with no real life stories or experience, and now I'm not even that good at playing.
>>695305142
>>695308620
Same situation here.
I've been slowly getting my shit together, and I'm just about at a stable point. It feels good just getting so much shit done that I should have done a long time ago.
I'm supposed to see her tomorrow and I'm gonna lay it out and see how that goes. I won't give up.
>>695308411
Oh. Oh dear...
>>695314693
a year and a half of random drugs like lsd or shrooms or maybe even mescalin analog or some shit
>>695314883
What made you decide to use it so much? Also do you find smoking helps with the vision issues or makes them worse?
>>695308013
>>695313459
don't know why but this really did speak to me i don't know why either b/c i'll never do any of those things. But its true what is stopping you if your suicidal boarding a plane to another country to go explore the rainforest can't cost tht much even at my shit 11 dollar an hour job i'd be able to afford one if i didn't pay rent the month i wanted to leave
>>695314772
Sounds like a lot of my high school friends, they all got guitars and formed a small "clique" within my group of friends as well, not that I'm in any better of a position anyway, but it was funny to me at the time.
>>695314220
Wow. That hit too close
>>695312954
This. All though minus the girlfriend part. The one dude I started to chill with we all hang out with his friends from high school and I always feel like I'm just "there". And I'm never invited to bullshit or anything.
There some people at my work that seem pretty cool but I'm too socially awkward to befriend any of them for some reason.
>>695315030
Wanting to know the feeling of the world fading to a blur
>>695314220
oh fuck yes this one is real
>>695300780
I'm 2 hours late but I need to reply to this. Every single sentence of that image applies to me. Not even exaggerating...what the fuck...
>>695313490
underrated feels...
>>695314772
I play guitar, bass, harmonica, drums, and I do vocals. I have hundreds of songs, I'm in a band, I am a fucking amazing musician, and I'm still an empty depressed sad sack of shit.
>>695303280
what if you dont die ?
what if you just becom a shadow that walks in limbo for ever ?
>>695314797
I fucking hope it works for you, anon.
>>695314319
hang in there medical science will cure that shit before it get the best you I bet
>>695314772
>I feel like everything I've ever wanted to say or play with art has been not only done better than I ever could, but by about 1 person.
That's everything though, nihil sub sole novum.
Do you enjoy playing? Did you enjoy the time spent on it?
>>695298153
This. But I find solace in it. I'm my mind I'm not as deserving of help as other peope so getting to do my job to help them gives me som kind of purpose.
>>695298306
This was right when his wife passed i believe.
>>695315101
It sucks, let me tell you.
If you start music with friends, you'll have a good time.
If you stay by yourself throughout it all, it's awful.
You're constantly in self doubt, if you can even write a fucking thing.
Every other day you find yourself wondering if you should quit, sell all your shit while it still gets a good buck, and start studying a real subject to support yourself with.
Then you pick up your instrument and play the same 3 songs you have for a decade.
>>695315493
Well I guess that ruins the whole "Maybe if I write songs one day I'll find peace with it."
>>695315716
Honestly nowadays I play just because I feel I owe it to myself since I spent all these years on it. Rarely I have fun with it, but afterwards I just see all the flaws in my playing.
>>695299904
>If you don't like where you are, do something about it and stop bitching.
Anon, I have.
>Live in a shitty farming community
>Hometown consists of ~500 people
>Live near Michigan's smallest second city (Omer, ~313 pop)
>Work a shitty dead end job milking cows for 8 months
>Saving every penny to move states to start an IT career
>Walk off the job because the owners ignore the problems that are being brought to their attention: BURNING of cattle, excessive beating, lack of quality control
>Start looking for housing in a different state
>Things are turning around for me
>Driving to wal-mart in Ogemaw county
>Pulled over and the vehicle is searched
>Owner of car is riding shotgun, I'm driving because I like driving
>End up with felony possession charges
>3k bond, 6k lawyer fees
>Court is coming, not worried about charges but now 9k literally pissed away
>No longer can afford to move away
>Now unemployed and homeless
Don't tell me I haven't tried. I get to start over again because of an illegal search. I get to start over again because the owner of the vehicle had a controlled substance in his car.
No longer ambitious. No longer feel like trying. Every time I get ahead something happens and I go backwards.
>>695315637
Best. Filler. Episode. Ever.
>>695315419
your welcome /b/rother, that one hits close to me too
>>695315353
Ever think of trying get to see a drug counselor? They might know of ways to try and dampen the warping vision or get your emotions and past feelings/experiences in line
I'm just typing out loud, I apologize if I offend or make you feel worse; it sucks to hear when someone is going through something you like are experiencing
i started a garden, its nice. I feel the plants need me. I feel at peace there helps me calm down and wanted. might be the saddest words i'll ever write
>>695316019
That sucks mang. But anyways hella nice miata
>>695298075
oh fuck. this hit me like a fucking freight train. I just sat by and watched my nothing of a life pass by. sure i've got time left but i wont do anything about it. All i am is me and that's the worst part
You know, it's odd. I know I'm wanted. I know there are people that care about me, and I care about them. But I'm so worn out and tired of soldiering on. I just wish I could let them go. I wish I couldn't care, so I could give up the ghost and finally lay down my arms and rest. And it hurts. It hurts to know that I am the reason I cannot let go. But I have to blame other people, instead. Because if I blame myself, it only hurts more.
The other day I was in my buddy's car and he owns a 9mm handgun. I don't think he should own a gun because I believe he's mentally unstable (mood swings like, a fuckton every shift I work with the guy, somewhat deranged girlfriend as well), but he was taking apart his gun and loaded a bullet instead of ejecting the mag first, and cleared the chamber and shot the gun in the car.
Bullet went through his pinkie knuckle, obliterated it, through his car's steering column, barely missing his girlfriend's arm, out the window and caught in his side mirror.
That was the day I was like, I'm not sure if I'd be able to off myself with a gun, dammit. But every time I go to his house I think about finding his gun and just blowing my brains out just because I am just so bored and done with life. Nothing is interesting anymore, My SO broke up with me and she's still living with me for some fucking reason and I just want her to leave so I can be alone instead of holding out hope we'll get back together one day. It's agonizing not being able to kiss her or hug her. She doesn't have a new BF (in real life anyway, idk about the internet) and I doubt she'll get one soon due to her social anxiety but shit man.
I just want her to fucking leave. Sorry for the wall of text, I just think about this shit every single day and I've written things in multiple feel threads so far and I just am done with everything. I'm not even mad, just so fucking bored...
tl;dr ex lives with me and life is fucking boring as shit, wanna off myself but am a pussy to do it any other way but the helium exit bag method
>>695315567
Thanks. She's been somewhat receptive, I think she's just worried I'm gonna slip back into the same old shit. I'm through with all that though. With or without her I'll keep on moving.
>>695300780
GOD FUCKING DAMMIT EVERY DAMN TIME I SEE THIS I CRY
>inb4 faggot, pussy, bitch etc.
>>695316659
i know the feeling, i'm only 18 but i feel my life is going exactly this way and i dont know how to stop it
>>695303148
Fuck dude that got to me
>>695317221
Don't worry.
We all came here to cry, my friend.
>>695313780
Her father probably died blowing some place up
>>695304550
Just as my hope was fading away, you, a complete stranger on the internet gave me the boost I needed. Heck I became a security guard and still studying in nursing not because I told her I would do it, but for myself. I do want her back, we were really great together its just that shit didnt work out and we were too young. Still kind of fresh but I'm not losing hope heh. I guess it just feels good to know that I'm not the only one going through this
>>695317047
doesn't family suck I am pretty sure i'd be homeless alcoholic living in the bush alone nobody would even find my body if i could just let them go.
>>695317592
b/c life is easier with nothing
>>695315946
>Honestly nowadays I play just because I feel I owe it to myself since I spent all these years on it. Rarely I have fun with it, but afterwards I just see all the flaws in my playing.
Then you need to just stop, at least for now. Find some other hobby to occupy your time. You've got the persistence. Goddamn if I could keep anything going for that long I'd be ecstatic. Maybe later you'll pick it back up and enjoy it again and if not then fuck it because it just made you feel like shit anyway.
>>695317429
You're not alone. I'm glad I gave you some motivation /b/rother.
Don't you fucking dare give up. If you love her like that, don't give up.
>>695304550
I hope you have better luck than I had.
>>695299904
it's easy guys, just dont have depression like this guy :D. oh you have depression? uhhh.... SOL I guess
>>695317793
The more I think about it the more terrifying it is.
Mang I am so tired...
>>695317901
That sounds about right
>>695314772
One of the things I recognized early in life (as a musician) is that you need to actually have talent if you're going to "go for it" as a musician or any kind of competitive art form. In other words, mediocre isn't good enough. I want to write music on Garage Band or whatever, but at the end of the day, I have to ask myself "am I really good? Can I really distinguish myself from thousands of other artists?" I also haven't invested a lot of time or money into playing music for that very reason. I'm an above average drummer and singer, but unless I know people will see a "wow" factor, I keep it those things locked away. If you're really damn good, keep going. Otherwise, do something else.
>>695318350
my mother last week lol and my dad in his own way. Thought i was hiding it well. I don't even live at home and only see them once in a while. they knew right away. that i was losing again
>>695318303
I recently started thinking about the fact that as I stand at the bus stop and watch all these cars go by that these are actual other people, just like me, doing stuff that they need to do, and that if I died, they would just keep on keepin on.
Not sure if that's the correct way to describe it but it really trips me out when I think about it, even though I know it's common sense.
>>695299904
You obviously do not have any basic understanding of how depression works
>>695317930
It might take time. Even if the situation turns hopeless. I wont give up. People call me a fool or a cuck to keep trying but I call them fools for bringing somebody down. I know they care and want me to stop hirting, but I'm not hurting anymore. Hell, I'm sitting here at 1:18 am at work and never felt better. Dont give up either, my friend. No matter how hopeless it looks, at least try.
>>695318595
almost made me cry when she said no really annon are you alright and gave me a hug
>>695317791
But I've got nothing else, man.
I've tried so many other hobbies.
Drawing, skateboarding, photography, video editing, drumming, computer building, gaming, ceramics, filming, painting, audio engineering, voice acting, construction, fuck, I even tried just doing nothing for a month to see what would happen.
And I know I'm going to pick it up in a few years after I drop it, but then, I'll just have my abilities with it dulled.
>>695318552
And I'd say I am pretty damn good now, but I just have nothing to use it with.
I'm in a sort of band with my best friend now, but I don't like the music, and any time we work on it, I just put myself down because I can't write music.
The technical ability is somewhat there, but it's still very flawed, and it comes across as a "one trick pony" deal
>>695299904
good for you man.
be glad your depression was just conditional, able to be fixed.
and doesn't require a daily chemical cocktail to get your hormone levels to reach normal a few times a day, with a fuckload of hideous side effects.
>>695308976
Pussy just go on the run, or man up and actually try to get a job
>>695303894
Shit like this hits me harder than anything else here.
>>695313540
Fuck. I've done this every night for the last week.
>>695299904
This. Depression is a made up "disease" so that weak willed fucks can sit around and feel sad for themselves all day. Pussified little bitches.
>>695319600
the only thing that stopes me from an hero is that my dog will shit all over the carpet and i will have to pay for it
fucking dog
Does anyone here have the Ella thread? Its a lengthy read
delivered: 17 months ago
>>695314772
Same here (except for the guitar)
>>695318898
Have you tried teaching it? Passing your knowledge on to someone else?
>>695316019
goddamn that sucks
Fuck going to bed early goddamnit I got up at 6 am got off at 2 and I'm staying up for the beginning of my 3 days off!
Then again not sure if want to stay awake anyway. I love sleeping. I feel nothing when I sleep, except when I have those dreams that make me feel feelings. Shit sucks. Then I wake up and my sleep was ruined by those fucking dreams.
>>695319785
I know this is b8, but that doesn't change my desire to strangle you with your own intestines.
>>695318898
>>695320055
yah might be a good idea for you annon since those who can't do teach right. Not to offend you of course but you probably have a very good technical base. I'm sure u'd prob make a good teacher
>>695319785
Some people have depression because of unstable brain chemistry. Its a medical concept. Have you ever come down from pure mdma before? Its like that
>>695320055
>>695320339
A few times, but it either ends in me not knowing how to get it across, or having no real knowledge on what I'm doing.
tldr, I can play a lot of stuff, but I'm not proficient in theory or the structure on how it works
>>695320273
Christ you can get to sleep tell me how. I just get eaten from the brain down
>>695320205
Thanks mate
>>695311332
No im not faggot. She said she loved me at 11:05 pm
>>695298300
Made by same guy
>>695320559
At least your brain shuts down. While depression has come to visit, anxiety is my "normal" problem. In short, my brain never shuts up. I can't even drink or smoke myself to sleep anymore; it still takes upwards of two hours, lying in bed and having shit thrown at me, to finally get rest.
>>695299621
Damn anon! You hit me hard anon.
I was depressed
Then I told myself "dont be such a whiny faggot, whiny faggot"
and BAZINGA I was happy and successful
xDxDXDKTHX
>>695298514
Fucking this
>>695314319
cancer is not the only one who can get fucked bro. Fight for every breath and defy all odds, give up now and slip away on your own terms, ignore it, face it. It doesn't matter as long as it's your decision.
Am I the the only one here who actually have zero irl real friends?
My "friends" just pretend to be my friends.
Why am I always the one who texts my friend "You wanna come over and we can chill?"
And not get a reply.
Or when they reply "Yes", then follow with "I got family stuff, sorry" every time.
Parents paying for my shitty grades at uni, no friends, my life is going no where
I am worthless. Why didn't I do it already?
>>695320994
no thats exactly what I mean maybe shouldn't have said eaten from the brain down but yah exactly that forever b4 my brain just stfu
>>695321715
Because while it may take a month, a year, fucking 20 years
It will get better
If you had a choice, would it be quick and painless? Would you lay back and let it wash over you? No. That’s not who you are. You’re strong. Maybe. In denial? Likely. But when you fail to acknowledge that you wake up, look into the mirror as you get ready for the grind, and can’t stand the monster hiding behind your eyes… Who the hell are you? What are you becoming? The questions always linger there, holding up the morning routine. But you just gotta keep going on forward, don’t you? Too stupid to know when to stop. Because you can only wreck yourself, more and more until there’s absolutely nothing recognizable left. Until everything you are, and everything you were collides into a broken, devastated mess at your feet and no one is there to pick up the pieces. Because you’re an animal. You’re no one, anymore. You throw yourself at causes for people you don’t even know, trying to claim you just want to get better but you don’t. You don’t because you’re so far gone and you know there’s no way you could ever recover. You just sit there in silence and waste away. You die. Why bother? Some stupid sense of pointless self worth? The idea that some day you may break out of it, and come back? No. That’s not who you are. You used up all your strength long ago. Now you’re just a bullet, speeding through the air, running at a high velocity until eventually you fall, or you make contact and break apart. And you serve your purpose and are forgotten. You will always be forgotten. Always. “But I can get it right this time!” You tell yourself. The same lie, told a million times by a million liars, all living the same broken dream as you, hoping, praying to find their way out when they wake up the next day. Well here's the deal.
>>695320532
>I can play a lot of stuff, but I'm not proficient in theory or the structure on how it works
Work on that then? Besides I'm sure most people would be happy just to learn the basics and how to play a few songs.
>>695321924
There’s only one way out. And it’s one-hundred eighty grain loaded into a chamber and pointed at your head. But you already knew that. And you’ve already tried, oh so many times and when you finally had the guts to do it you still managed to fail. “I’ve recovered.” You’ll say, but you don’t recover. You don’t forget that moment where you looked death straight in the eyes for the umpteenth time and said “Fine, you win." And you shouted out in despair and rage when you heard that click. And you sat silent for what felt like an eternity. And nothing. Absolutely nothing about you has changed. You are the same monster. You will always be the same monster. Self-destructive, and empty. But you still give all you have to give. Why? Maybe for the idea that you’re helping someone else’s life to be a little less miserable and hollow than your own. Maybe because you know how bad it gets, and how lonely it is, and you’d rather not let anyone else fall down that hole. Maybe it’s just so someone will finally look at you for what you are one day. Maybe it’s so that someone can pick you up, dust you off, and toss you right back into the thick of it. Good as new. As if it were just that easy. So are you selfless or selfish? I guess the answer is both. But you’re someone. You exist. You’re out there and you still press on. It doesn’t get better. You just get stronger. Keep that high velocity.
>>695321953
Tried taking music theory for about a year and a half, could NOT for the life of me retain it or really work with it.
And teaching the basics I can't do. I go insane trying to do that, and I've tried so many times
>>695317288
21 here, 3 years of the same so far. I wish you better luck than I
The best things are the things that you can't have.
>>695314723
Bing, Bong! Bing, Bong!
>>695322365
Oh, you're in for a real treat, anon. In 10 years...
Well, it's still the fucking same. You just think you're better equipped to handle it (spoilers: you're not.)
i got laid
i saw a lot of girlfriend stole my heart and now i am dead inside.
so to make all of you happy enjoy this women getting cucked revench.
we can not all be happy.
but we can be lonely togheter.
>>695321715
At least you have people that care enough to pretend.
I had a nice little group of friends at my old job, including my now ex girlfriend and when I lost that job the only time I saw any of them except for her was if she invited them over.
Now I see none of them and the only friend I had at my current job left to work at my old job.
My friend's consist of my ex-girlfriend.
So you're still attached to living either because you have hope for the future or you fear death.
![Capture1[1].jpg](https://cdn.randomarchive.com/b/image/1468/904/1468904570838.jpg "Capture1[1]")
