Post the most painful, cringe inducing moment in your entire life.
>Be horny 15-16 year old
>Live next to my 13 year old cousin
>Shes cute at hell, looks like a fucking anime
>Cousin is a shut in, shes innocent and trust people. Because of this shes kind of slow
>When parents arent home i'd go over cousin house on the pretense that we didn't have a cable and they did
>I invent a game me and her would play when her parents werent home
>Game basically involved me shoving my tongue down cousins throat while she tries to push my tongue out of her mouth
>She really believed it was a game, she even hugged me to get a better grip, i'd fee her tits through her cloth while i held her while kissing her, sometimes jerking off in the back room
Skip from summer to fucking thanksgiving
>Be eating turkey with family
>Everyone is at the dinner table, dont wanna be there
>Cus is sitting across from me
>While im watching tv i hear everyone freaking the fuck out
>Cus was trying to play the game with my uncle
>Look at her and shes fucking terrified
>Not knowing what the fuck was going on i stay
>Her Dad asks her wtf shes doing, she tells him about the game
>Dad asks her who taught her the game
>She cries and tells everyone i played the game with her a "ton of times"
>Entire family looks at me with big wide eyes and open mouths as if i was a fucking monster
>A sharp cold chill shoots up my nerves, my entire body is shaking like a mother fucker
>I stutter "Execuse me i have to use the restroom" i nearly trip and im starting to black out
>I hide in the restroom the entire day
>The dad and my mom knock on the door asking for me but i literally would not budge until it was midnight and everyone left
DELETE THIS
She's only a year younger than you and people do shit with there cousins all the time what's the big whoop?
>>692719472
You should have played the same game with your dick, but you're a faggot.
>>692720024
Their**
>>692719472
How does being a shut in make you slow?
>>692719472
Kek
>>692719472
Where is that cousin now? What was the aftermath?
oh fuck me, this story is gold
>>692720024
it's that he took advantage of her like a fuckin creep, she clearly didn't get it
>>692719472
I ate a whole cake well on shrooms and it was for my mom's birthday the next day.
>>692722415
nuff said
>>692719472
I remember you OP. You must really beat yourself up over it to make threads about it once in awhile. You know how I deal with my cringe moments in life? I fucking dont. I wash it down with a stiff drink, tuck it deeply away and enjoy life. You cant change history man. I have no desire to type up my own stories or ever think of them again
Bump?
>>692719472
My sides
>>692719472
>>692719472
so how did this turn out exactly
>>692723888
TRIPSSSSSS
>>692719472
Please be real holy fuck
This isnt as big as OPs but its the worst ive had during my boring life.
>be me 15
>get the yearly invitation to go to a piano concert that my school hosts
>we go
>nearly 130 kids that time
>"holy shit big crowd"
>get nervous but still chill
>all these little kids play their stupid little songs on the piano
>ohshitmyturn.jpeg
>get called upstage
>everyone claps
>i sit down at piano and start playing
>mid-song i get the worst feeling in my stomach
>start messing up notes horribly
>fucking vomit all over myself and piano
>i run offstage and fall down steps
>try to run to the washroom covered in my vomit and tears
>my mom laughed about it
>quit piano lessons
>never go again
>>692725700
Fucking kek anon
>>692725700
>>692725700
Dont let your memes be dreams(at least not for piano). At least you're not OP. I'd suggest therapy, and reconciliation with your mother. What kind of mother laughs at her sons misery?
>Be horny
>Meet girl on night out, nothing happens but get her number
>Arrange date few days later
>Everything goes really well
>We chat, laugh, dance
>In the club she is all over me
>She asks if I want to get a cab to her place
>Diamonds
>We get back to her's and start making out again
>We get naked
>She's hot as fuck, 5'2, slim but with a bit of curves, nice C cups, great ass
>Go down on her for a little while
>She says she wants me inside her
>We fuck a load of positions then she gets on top and rides me like a maniac
>Tell her I'm about to cum so she jumps off
Now this is where it gets interesting. I have this weird thing where when I cum, I pinch my foreskin closed and catch all the cum in it, then deposit in toilet. It's a trick I learned when I had no toilet paper one time. Anyway, back to the story
>Didn't want to freak her out with my weird cum foreskin trick and didn't want to cum all over myself like a fag
>Had to do a bit of quick thinking
>Place thumb over cock in an attempt to stop what felt like the biggest orgasm of my life
>I don't exactly know the mechanics but you know when you place your thumb over a running faucet
>This creates like some incredible pressure and the turbo-charged jizz ended up shooting out of my cock like a rocket.
> My mind went into slow motion as I watched a mammoth load of cum heading straight to my face
>Gave myself a facial right in front of the hottest girl I ever fucked.
>She literally struggled to breathe she's laughing so hard.
>I am mortified.
>I leave shortly afterwards.
>Didn't hear from her again but I bet her and her bitch friends had a good laugh about it
>>692726086
>>692725700
>Leaking image of OP
Also, check'd
>>692726306
>>692726208
Fuck anon thats sad
>>692726208
>>692726208
>I pinch my foreskin closed and catch all the cum in it
>Place thumb over cock in an attempt to stop
bit autistic aren't you, you do know this is incredibly dangerous, you can get all sorts of mad shit happen to yo. having to have the scrape wouldn't be a nice thing either.
you should look into being able to keep it in with your PC muscles, then with skill your mind. makes you be able to have multiple orgasms. worse you can get from that is retrograde ejaculation.
>>692719472
OP... Im so sorry... that is just awful. But your cousin sounds fucking adorable.
>>692726171
Nigga wut?
Fucking kek
>>692726208
only redemption
>>692726208
should've just cum on her tits u faggot
>>692726208
or you could have just laughed it off, you're the one who made it awkward by running off you autistic shit
Alright. This one is crazy
>Be first grade teacher
>Have these three girls in my class
>All three are cute as fuck
>Im not into kids, just an fyi
>These three girls are all close friends to each other
>one day they ask me if I wanna play a game
>I decline because paperwork.
>Didnt ask questions
>They ask me if I wanna play every so often.
>never have time so I always say no
>One day staying late at school grading papers
>When I leave I see the three girls with some middle school kids in the playground
>The girls have their shirts rolled up and pants semi down
>Boys with their dicks out
>I approach them and the middle schoolers flee
>The girls tell me that they were playing the game and asked if I wanted to join
>Mfw
>>692727171
I tried that, never got the hang of it.
>>692728177
takes practise. up to a few years.
also checked
>>692728176
holy shit, deadly situation there
how did you deal with it?
>>692729089
Well first I told the girls to put their clothes on right. Then I invited them inside and called their parents. Their parents came down and I talked to them about it privately. Said that the girls were the victims here and the boys would be dealt with so I said not to punish the girls if possible. Parents seemed understanding.
Next day I went to the middle school and informed the office there. Long story short we got those boys and they were expelled.
Rather anti climactic ending honestly. Well, one of the parents of the boys found me one day and we got into a bit of a scuffle. Went home and my wife got frightened so she insisted we move near her aunt and uncle down in belaire.
>>692719472
>Be me, in high school
>Know this girl since second grade, have crush on her
>She's the biggest slut in the school
>Gives me hugs and awkward kisses on the cheek sometimes
>She has huge boobs
>Talks about me smashing her boobs when we hugand smiles about it
>Being the autist I was, didn't understand cues or body language, at all
>Everyone things I'm gay or something
>Just can't talk to people, woman most of all
>She ask me if I'm gay, don't know what to say
>Finaly say no all awkward and stutter
>She laughs and me and calls me a fag
>She never hugs me again
>I get beat on for three years
>She beats up on me too
>This gay dude thinks I'm gay
>He won't leave me alone
>Tell him I'm not gay and her fucks with me, says I need to leave the closet
>Had to move away from that town
>Don't get a girlfriend or lose virginity until years later
>Girl from highschool calls me one night about a year ago
>"If you went gay you should have just said so"
>"I feel so bad for doing that do you anon"
>>692729663
kek
>>692729663
aww :( i thought it was real dont hurt me anon like that :(
>>692729663
Did you walk to dinosaur too old timer?
>>692720024
its because he said that she was sort of "slow"
>>692719472
Wow...
SteevO's lookin' kind of rough
>>692730748
He has AIDS
>>692730748
Nah he was for a while. Dude is married and in good health now though. If you ask me he misses his old self but then again don't we all?
>>692730816
bummer
>>692729663
>>692730201
>>692730365
>>692730430
yall just got pranked!
>>692720024
>people do this shit with there cousins all the time
Spoken like a true Texan
>>692730149
It's your fault for being a beta fag
>>692731190
I was just like that, long as I could remember. It hurt but I got better because of it; everything was great once I left, pretty normal these days.
>be me
>11 or 12
>at gf's house
>we were playing COD 4 a few days after it came out
>she was kind of a tomboy and she was pretty spoiled
>her mom went to the grocery store
>she didn't worry about us being alone because nobody expects a fucking 4th grader and a 5th grader to do shit
>she would always give me blowjobs
>this time we decided to fuck
>get condoms from her brother's room
>I unrolled the whole condom and then tried to put it on because I didn't know shit about condoms
>too big
>decide to go without a condom
>combination of her 11 year old tightness and my 12 year old 2 incher made it impossible
>after a few minutes we decided to stop trying and continue to play COD
>a few minutes later her mom comes back home and sees the condom on her bed
>talks to us about sex and shit for the next 3 fucking hours
>talks to my mom about it and my mom wasn't as fucking chill as gf's mom
>grounded for some reason
my parents still bring it up to this day
Bit of a trauma story on my part but bear with me anons!
(also green text on mobile is bs)
>be me, 6 yo shy kid
>have cousin I hang out with often and we kiss each other a lot in the back of the house when no one is near (fucking clueless me wondering what couple kisses are and it started)
For this part it's kinda of tricky, the house we were at basically has a ramp and a kind of balcony to the second floor.
>be with cousin in said balcony
>see mother cat jump down high ass balcony ( 7/8ft maybe)
>little kitten goes after mother
>cringey me thinks cats always land well (not babies apparently)
> pick kitten up
>"hey cousin look at this trick!"
>throw the fucking kitten towards the ramp but higher than the balcony (easily a 10ft fall)
>kitten falls
>suspense.jpeg
>kitten lands
>look down balcony kitten had its legs broken and was dying
>cousincrying.gif
>godmother pulls the satan cover and releases a shit load of hell on me
>get yelled at by parents, Godmother
>godfather is chill af and tells me
>"lol don't worry anon she has like 12 other kittens"
>innocent ol' anon doesn't give a shit about the cat
>go home and end the day after making out with cousin again
TL; DR : murdered a kitten when I was 6,not affected
aw fuck. this one is a horrible story of beta cringe....but fuck it.
>be me in 10th grade, have crush on really hot chick in school
>weekend is coming around and hear about a party, decide with friends that we are going
>hear thru friends that the girl i like is going to be there and that she kinda likes me
>go to party, start to mingle and hang out until hot chick arrives
>go talk to her after awhile and things are going great
>suddenly i feel my belly rumble. shrug it off as beer foam...no biggie.
>need to fart so i figure i will let it out slow and silent
>tighten buttcheeks to regulate fart emmission
>suddenly feel warm liquid instead
>fucking diarrhea. goddamn fucking diarrhea! right in front of the hot bitch i shit my fucking pants.
shortly after i begin the rest of the year homeschooled
>>692719472
>sexually abused at 8
>I become sexual at a young age
>I can vaguely remember being 9 maybe 10 years old and I started watching porn and jerking off
>jerk off once a day at least, on weekends I would stay up until 4 in the morning jerking off 10 times
>shit isnt even coming out by the 5th or 6th time
>but you can only imagine how this killed my self esteem, constant post-nut regret 24/7 but I need to jerk it
>its a cruel fucking joke honestly
>lose virginity at 8 years of age to a kid that was 2 years older than me who I can only assume was sexually abused by someone else
>I'm not exactly the best looking but girls over the years drop hints that they want me
>it always ends the same, I do nothing and they lose interest and move on
>I've had a couple online girlfriends but I absolutely dont feel comfortable making any advances in person
Not cringe just major regret
>be me 13 or so
>hated school
>convince mom to let me be "home schooled"
>bad parenting she lets me basically just drop out
>sit at home all day playing video games
>waste away my youth
I hate my life and want to die
>>692734805
That's sad, I hope you're doing alright now.
>>692734999
>fuckin trips
its okay anon you can just be a manchild for the rest of your life now
>>Tell Jewish Friend about my love for nigger women
>>Niggers overhear me
>>Call me out on my claims
Never been so embarassed
> went to prom with this girl
> nothing happened
> i went off to college
> during the summer, she contacted me
> she probably still liked me
> i was oblivious
> she invited me over for dinner
> i ignored her the whole time
> after dinner, she was bawling
> i asked her what was wrong
> no response
> her parents still gave me a care package
God I wish time travel was real. 191182611641519
>>692734805
>I'm not exactly the best looking but girls over the years drop hints that they want me
>it always ends the same, I do nothing and they lose interest and move on
i know this feel anon-kun. im still too autistic to do anything about it though
>>692726208
Yea we did.... faggot
>>692719472
>be me, 11 or so
>move into new town
>new school full of spics
>be fat, pale, no understanding of basic social functioning
>no friends because I spent my time trying to impress people with autistic diagrams of electric 'heated pants' designs and other weird faggy shit
>half a year of social isolation
>classmates only spoke spic around me and laughed when they looked at me
>would do anything for a faggy autist friend
>class convinces me 'loco' means 'friend' and use it like a nickname
>don't question, feel accepted.
>"mom I finally have friends"
>"son you're a faggot and I've failed as a mother"
>even more crushed and isolated when I learn loco from mom
>start shame-fapping in the bathroom at school
>other kids know, give me shit for it
>still can't stop, compulsive autist
>start doing it through my pants pocket at desk sometimes too
>'lol anon is there something in your pocket? Loco etc'
>one day can't handle the shit
>run away from school and spend all day hiding in my family's doghouse
>literally a reject cave troll at 11
No wonder I ended up a /b/tard
>>692719472
Kinda same thing.
>Be like 11
>Weird sexual child
>Play games with the other girls I knew
>I made a game where we make out with our stuffed animals so we don't kiss each other
>Of course later in the day they do this in front of their mom and my mom
>"Who taught you to do this game?"
>shitshitshittimetohideinthebathroomnow
>Come out casually like I didn't hear it
Now that I think about it, I never slept over at their house again after that.
Shit.
>>692738163
I have a lot of cringy stories to share actually.
>>692738412
then get typing you b/tard
>>692719472
>22
>About a year ago
>Gotta make a run into Walmart
>Employees are out collecting carts in the parking lot
>Ay mang how's your day going?
>In my head I politely say, "My day's fine, how about yours?"
>Blurt "BOUT" like some backwoods autist
>Still haven't gone back
>>692738543
Yes, sir.
>Be 10
>Just moved back to home town after being gone for a year
>puberty did not hit yet
>Ugly and no friends
>There's a play coming up, having auditions in class
>A girl sings happy birthday to the teacher, really good
>I decide I should ALSO sing happy birthday to the teacher
>Go up, nervous as fuck
>Start singing quietly and horrendously
>teacher not even paying attention
>don't even finish the song
>just go sit back down
>no one claps
>They clapped for everyone else
>wantokillmyselfat10.jpg
>>692738841
This gave me a good giggle m8
>>692739487
That's not cringe, that's just straight up depressing, anon.
>>692739487
>>692739601
KEK'ED
>>692738841
thx for the lol
>>692739747
Yeah, I know.
I was super ugly and all of the other girls would pretend to be my friend and make fun of me behind my back.
Times was hard, friend.
>>692732036
>11 or 12
>at gf's house
>>692739601
I've got this shit all day m8
>I work at Arby's
>Lady walks up and asks for some packets of mayonnaise
>I turn to the cooler and grab two packets
>Turn around to ask, "Is this enough?"
>Literally shout, "MAYONNAISE"
>She looks at my manager
>Manager looks at me
>I quietly lay down the mayo
>They talk about it daily
>Be me not to long ago
>Teen girl, virgin, no bf or anything
>Barely knew how to pleasure self
>Use things around room to girlfap with
>Find bigass bucket of rubber bouncy balls
>Shovem in hooch like "yeah this is interesting"
>Nothing, go to bed.
>Next morning, they dont come out
>Come to mom in the morning
>"Mom, gotta go to hospital, there's balls in me"
>Mom questions
>Come up with stupidest response ever
>"I put them in with my cousin years ago, they're falling out now"
>bullshit.jpeg
>Use chicken tongs in kitchen to pull them out one by one
>Used them to jerk self off, thrusting them hard, turned bloody
>Get them all out, casually put them in the sink like nothing happened
>Still used them for chicken years afterwards
Cringed every time we had chicken knowing mom and I knew tongs were in vagina
>>692719472
>>692722368
please tell aftermath op
I fuck my niece all the time, big deal...
>>692740134
Only nignogs work at arbys
>>692719472
holy fuck op
>>692726646
kek
>>692740284
reported you cuck
>>692740134
Not even sure why, but I'm laughing my ass off at this shit. Any more?
>>692719472
>be me
>high school
>tough guy
>troublemaker
>badass.jpg
>skip many times
>cops, etc
>probation
>close to group home status
>skip school, long walk home
>car pulls up
>whodis.wav
>principal? Wtf?
>"will take you home anon"
>what?!
>secluded area
>countryfolk.com
>principal demands I suck
>raped repeatedly for a year
>no one believe cuz I'm a fuck head
>fucked me up, I'm worse than before
>love sucking cock
>setup craigslist meets
>been raped, beaten robbed
>love every time
>>692732036
That's not terribly cringe inducing, though I'm sure you must have felt like shit when it happened.
>be like 8 or 9
>best friend is a girl same age
>while hanging out one day she tells me her parents have porn
>we decide to check it out while we're at home alone (older sister was technically watching us, but she didn't give a fuck).
>check out the closet
>find a gigantic vibrating dildo, anal beads, and a VHS tape
>head into the living room and pop it in
>it was pretty vanilla porn, but we were really fucking young and mostly just curious
>hear the garage open not too long into the tape
>try to pop it out and put it back
>the VCR eats the tape and spits it out as an unfixable mess.
>friend's mom comes in, sees us fucking with a tape, and recognizes the label.
>don't get in trouble because friend's parents were too embarrassed
This is especially funny in hindsight because my friend's dad was a typical suburban dude and the mom was morbidly obese and strict christian.
>>692726817
>>692740178
tits or out pls
>>692739601
>>692739858
>Be three years ago
>Just bought a new car
>Cousin lives in TN, I live in GA, his name was first on the title
>Technicals make them unable to process my tag within 90 days for some reason
>90 days rolls around
>Get blue lighted
>It goes swell, cop lets it slide on account of technical bullshit
>Cops regularly come into Arby's
>Gonna tell him to swing by and I'll get him some free food
>Hanging out of my goddamn car window
>"I WORK AT ARBY'S"
>"Ohhh, is that right?"
That fucker power walks back to his car trying to get away from my autistic ass.
>>692731166
checkd
>>692740134
Hahahaha
This shit happens to me all the time at work.
>work at burger place
>I have a few orders off for the counter and start yelling out numbers
>As Im calling out the orders, I am also greeting customers and asking if they want ketchup, and then saying have a good day and shit like that
>Also trying to help fry guy with what he needs to do for the next order
>Have so many orders off, I jumble my words and yell "TWO OFF PLEASE" instead of the number
>"two off" was meant to be said to fry guy after I called out orders and went back to the table
>I was trying not to forget to tell him
>all the customers laughed
>>692740723
kek
>>692737809
>start shame-fapping in the bathroom at school
Is that a thing?
>>692740913
Holy shit that stuff happens all the time. I've got another one.
>Manager sends me to Krystal on my break
>Anon, I want it this way specifically or you're Satan
>Go to Krystal
>Come back to work
>Order is fucked up
>Go back
>They fix it
>I totally get it, this shit happens
>Was actually my fault
>Girl comes up, apologizes, hands me amended order
>In my head: "It's okay, it was my fault, don't worry."
>Every customer in there hears me blurt "IT WAS YOUR FAULT"
I haven't gone back
> have passed down probably over 20+ sex0rs opportunity cos i have phimosis and self conscious of my pen0r
> tfw 23 and a virgin
> tfw pain everyday at my life
>>692739892
Tits or gtfo you ugly bitch
>>692737809
i feel you my /b/ro
>>692738841
>BOUT
>kekm8
>>692740913
I have another one
>working at said burger place
>customer comes up and says that I'm cute and shit
>I don't know how the fuck im cute in this shitty unflattering uniform but ok
>I don't know how to react
>No confidence
>In my head I say "Oh, stooop" and try to act cute
>In reality I just yell "STOP" with the smile of a murderer on my face
>he just looks at me for a second confused
>I just walk away even more flushed from embarrassment
>this was his mistake for thinking im cute anyways
>>692730149
damn, why do you let everyone else control your life?
if you don't feel confident, FAKE IT. Your beta-ness is making you a target.
>>692741391
Our life is a walking "ARE YOU FUCKING SORRY"
>>692740134
arby's we have the >keks
>>692741406
I would prefer not to bb
No confidence=no pictures of self
I apologize friendo
How many Arby's workers use /b/
>>692732036
>4th grader
>and a 5th grader
>11 year old
>and 12 year old
So, you both failed a year before you got to 4th grade?
>>692742211
You could say we all Ar/b/y's
>>692741901
Fucking KEK
Holy shit, are you me?
>qt3.14 standing at counter waiting for her shake
>Needtomakemymove.png
>Hand her the shake with her receipt
>Was going to open up with, "I don't normally hit on girls, but" like some dumbass
>Blurt "I HIT GIRLS"
I think maybe that was my worst.
>>692719472
Holy shit man this isnt horrifying cringe this is a painfully embarasing scar on your life hahahaha holy fuck anon please tell whats happened since.
>>692742174
Cause you're a fat neckbeard role play liar
>>692742418
That was pretty bad, not gonna lie. But bad puns are the best puns
>>692740723
Are you sure you don't literally have autism anon?
>>692742579
No bb I promise.
Are there other ways to prove my xx chromosomes without showing muh body?
>>692742805
Nope. Just don't show your face. Who gives a fuck?
>>692726208
top fucking kek hahahaha
Ejaculate on her ass or tits you mongoloid
>>692742613
Thanks m8
>>692742531
I am the chick version of you, I swear.
>working the drive through hand-out
>Worked from day to night, have to transition from saying "have a good day" to "have a good night"
>I try to hard to say it right
>Instead I yell "HAVE A NIGHT"
>customer laughs a little uncomfortably and drives off
>fuckme
>>692742924
Second.
>>692742805
HAHAHAHAHAHAHA
>no
>>692742924
Me.
And apparently you.
>>692743010
Except your not a chick
>>692741403
You know thats fixable right?
>>692741406
How about you suck a dick newfag
>>692719472
Talk about sperging out.
>>692730430
>old timer
>>692738841
Haha omg
>>692742771
I'm fucking telling you, every interaction I make is a disaster. They don't let me touch the register for that reason.
>Different qt3.14 at drive thru window
>They're urging me to hand it out
>"Talk to her, she's cute!"
>Youcandothis.gif
>Open drive thru window
>In my head: "Hey, we don't know each other, would you like to get to know me?"
> Brain switches off
>Kek you're on your own breh
>Nearly toss the bag at her
>"YOUR RECEIPT'S IN THE BAG"
>Legit slam window shut
>She hasn't been back
>>692743301
You first white night
>>692731166
Double dubs of truth
>>692743010
Shit, I swear that happens too often
>Hispanic customer says buenos noches one night.
>I legit shout "buenos nachos"
I don't even know how that one happened.
>me 14-15
>cousin 11-12
>staying over her house with my grandmother and her friend
>we swim in my uncles pool and having a great time
>she hugs my in the water with arms and legs wrapped around me
>boner.exe
>wack one off in the toilet
>4-5 hours pass time for bed
>i sleep on mattress on the floor
>cousin and friend sleep on bunk bed
>cousin with reach
>say "have you ever fingered your pussy"
>she says "no"
>her friend says shes don it a few times and it feels great
>say to cousin and friend if they have ever had someone else finger them
>no
>say if i can
>cousin is hesitant but her friend is down
>she jumps down and lays beside me in bed
>takes of PJ's and i rub her belly and her clit
>boner.file
>ask her to rub me as i finger her
>her slender fingers feel amazing on my diamond dick
>cousin blushing and rubbing her pussy through her pants
>fingers all the way in friends pus
>shes biting my arm
>actually makes my dick harder
>about to cum
>her whole body is shaking as the orgasm is making it hard to keep a good rhythm for me to finger her
>cousin wants her pussy fingered too
>both of them laying on either side of me and i finger both their holes
>cousin rubs my dick while friend fondles my balls
>orgasm over 9000
>cousins friend cums actually screams, cousin cums in about 30 seconds
>must be her g spot
>she moans loudly
>"CUM ALL OGRE ME"
>i fill the swamp with shrek
>donkey opens the door
>barneythedinosaur
>spaghetti and my mom got scared
>move C:\My_Docum~/Bel_Air/Uncle.bmp
>>692741406
not how it works, little fella. if a female mentions that she's female FOR NO REASON then it's tits or gtfo. If she mentions she's female but it relates to the post or topic, then no tits or gtfo.
you need to lurk more.
>>692742174
and you need to learn to - you should have known, well, now you do. Don't be so beta, just tell him to die in a fire or any of the accepted answers for newfriends who don't know shit but front like they're oldfags.
Story for you: my gf invited her whole class to her birthday party - not one person came. She stood on outside waiting. No one.
She's pretty and smart, tho
other kids rejected her but she doesn't know why. she says, "I was a Canadian in the US, maybe that was it?"
Naw, boo - they were dicks, that's all.
>>692730149
The girl would beat you up?
>>692743042
>>692743056
>>692743163
As much as I would love to show my titties to random people, I would rather not do that.
That's my decision, I will not change my mind.
This is a thread about cringy stories, not my tits.
Make your own thread for that, thanks qt's.
>>692743010
But are you the chick version of me?
>>692734999
your mother's a piece of shit. get as far away as you can. educate yourself. it's never too late.
>>692743636
Sometimes I accidentally mimic a customers accent.
I am legitimately not trying to mock them, I just like how it sounds :I
>>692743636
Your own mouth is trying to make you a retard to the rest of the world
yur fucked m8, it cant be stopped
>>692743999
Checked
I'll stare at customers until they complain to the manager. I am as autistic as they come.
Also, >>692743904
pic was me.
>>692743904
No, I don't have those baby blues :/
Fuck you and your master race eyes
>>692743904
YOU are the chick version of you you fuck
>>692738841
Lol
>>692729663
were the boys the same age as the girls? if they were, how were they at fault? they didnt know what they were doing any more than the girls did
idk how to greentext
>be 9 year old boy or something like that
>best friend at the time wants to have sleepover
>mom is hesitant cause his family is weird
>lets me sleep over
>first hour his mom and dad walk around in their underwear
>assumed my friend would say something to make it less awkward
>friend plays along like its normal
>mom drops by before it gets late asks friend what were gonna do
>friend says talk about sex then does a grinding motion
>mom is concerned but leaves me with them for some reason
>walk in on his older brother jerking it
>sees me but doesnt stop
>friend then wants to play a game
>he jerks off in bed then i jerk off in bed
>he goes first and i tell him i dont feel comfortable
>proceeds to act like im a stranger in his house
>beats me up for not jerking off
>I sleep in living room cause house is too far away
>he wakes me up to apologize and says he has another game
>gets on pc and puts on a porn
TLDR: weird friend invites me to a sleepover so he can watch me jack off
>>692744589
Still the chick version of myself?
>Blessed with decent face
>Work hard for three years on my body
>Shout at everyone like an autist
I'm fucked forever /b/
>>692719472
Wake up
>>692744944
no, he said the boys were in middle school and the girls were in first grade
>>692743999
Oh shit, I got trips dawg.
Another one.
>Cleaning the dining room
>have noticed a ginger and his friend have been staring at me
>like wtf this uniform is hideous
>after everyone leaves the dining room (it's like 1a.m.) he comes up to me
>Pushes up his glasses while side-hand sliding a note towards me
>"Heya, I think your cute, you should text me sometime."
>Stare him straight in the eye, trying to figure out how to say no
>Kinda smiling, kinda not
>Like one where you're showing teeth but not smiling?
>he stares at me and takes this as a "yes"
>"catch ya later on the cellular qt"
>spin walks away while pushing up his glasses again
Trying to tell a customer that hits on you "NO" is the hardest thing to do
>>692745213
you lift mate?
>>692745398
Also *you're
side note: I expected him to Naruto-run away
>be me
>why
>>692726208
I know the lady you're talking about. I've heard this story before. I'm sorry anon. I laughed like hell both times I heard this
>date girl for years
>break up
>date new girl
>havent seen old gf in a year or so
>go to the movies with gf
>couple walks in
>its her and her new boyfriend
>she sits 2 rows in front of us
>she sits down and starts making out with him
>looks like japanese porn kissing
>they finish and she turns around
>looks me dead in the ye
>didnt finish movie like an alpha
she hates my guts
>>692743658
RUINED MY FUCKING BONER
>>692745512
Not really, mostly bodyweight. Dumbbells wherever it's convenient, like jumping lunges and jumping goblet squats. Otherwise, lifting ain't my thing.
>>692734999
>convince mom to homeschool you
>she pities your autism and complies
>tries her best even though she isnt even trained to be a teacher
>you're a dumbass so it makes teaching you extra hard
>you give up
>become a loser
>blame mom
Damn, and I thought I was a piece of shit to my mom. You made me feel better
>be me, probably 5-6
>would hang out with 2 cousins, 7 and 8 years old I think, anyway, the 8 year old cousin would always kiss me and such.
>she's a girl and I'm a fag
>I remember one time getting my 5 year old dick out and her saying "no anon we'll get in trouble"
>years and years later and she won't accept that this happened, that or she doesn't care
This made me sexual at a really early age rip
>>692743658
Asshole
>>692719472
>be 41 and still browse /b/
>>692745213
Well okay maybe you got a chance
just get off /b/
>>692728176
>>692729089
>>692729663
samefag dont try to hide it
>>692745700
>>692746023
Meh
copy/paste
cut out the bs
makes for a good story
>>692732443
I've noticed that alot of these spaghetti stories always ends up in someone shitting them selves
>>692745213
As the kinda chick version of you, maybe some girls will find it cute/endearing?
Just gotta put yourself out there bro.
If you sperg out, just breathe and say some shit like "Sorry, you were so cute I messed up/forgot what I was going to say."
Girls like that shit.
>>692719472
AHAHAHAHAHAAHA
That is somehow worse than when my parents found my hentai three seperate times after I convinced them each time that they were old remnants of a bad habit....
>>692744978
Best story here
>>692746395
As a chick as well, I concur.
>>692743352
Highest kek
I feel for you though I have a stutter that grabs my brain by the balls at the most inopportune moments. 8/10 times I'm good but those 2 times are a fucking train wreck.
I carry around a notepad and pen incase so I can write down whatever I'm trying to say to someone and God help me if I'm on the phone...
>>692719472
>Be nine
>Pretty normal kid
>Have a sleepover one weekend
>Invite four best friends
>Mom makes me invite another kid because she worked with his mom
>His name was Lance
>Play vidya and eat junk food
>Eventually play spin the bottle truth or dare
>You get the idea
>Lots of dick showing and touching
>Nothing too bad, just dumb kid stuff
>Lance eventually gets to dare me
>Tells me to wear a pair of younger sisters panties
>She was seven
>Say no at first but had to follow the rules
>Sister is asleep so I go steal a pair from her room
>Put them on and friends tease me for the rest of the night
>Panties felt different, actually kind of good
>Morning comes and friends go home
>Hide panties under my bed
>Curiosity gets the best of me and I put them back on several times that day
>Continue this for a few days
>Feels good down there
>Steal a few more pairs and get ballsy enough wear at school
>Parents mention sister missing "clothes" but I act dumb
>Probably almost two weeks in
>Come home from school one day and dad waiting
>"Have you seen any of (my sister)'s missing clothes anon?"
>"N-no..."
>He tells me he found them under my bed
>Freeze up
>Makes me pull down my pants
>Wearing pink panties underneath
>Dad pulls them down and I get the worse spanking of my life
>Afterwards have to stand in corner with only panties on
>Some shit about learning my lesson
>Stand in corner until after dinner
>Eventually eat
>Don't go to school next day because I can't sit down
>Dad talks to me about lying and stealing later that day
>Haven't talked to anyone about it until now
>freshman high school
>zero friends
>lunch time
>dont want to sit in the cafeteria alone with everybody looking at me like a loser
>decide to hide in the restroom
>instead of going into the stall and chilling out on the toilet, i decide to just stand in front of the mirror and pretend like him fixing my clothes
>do this for 30 minutes at lunch everyday
>guys see this and call me the weird bathroom kid
>they tell their friends of the weird guy thats always in the bathroom
>i become known as the weird bathroom troll that looks at himself in the mirror all day
>no friends until Junior year
I ended up discovering something that I was good at and it gave me confidence enough to make some friends. But man, those times sucked
>>692743658
i was so excited for the ending knowing it was gonna be retarded....you delivered.
>>692746395
You know what you're telling me to say, right?
>"Anon, why are you being so mumbly?"
>"SORRY YOU'RE A CUTE MESS"
maybe it's better if I just dont breed. Haha.
I appreciate the advice. Maybe I can put it to good use eventually.
>>692746972
Hahahaa well it's worth a try lol.
You SHOULD breed, you have great genetics.
If that's not weird.
>be me
>at work
>taking returns and putting them back on shelves
>have witty idea if someone grabs something from return cart
>when they say thank you imma say "no, thank you"
>exact situation happens soon after
>this is my chance
>my glory
>8/10 qt 3.14 says thank you
>make the most retarded face and blurt out "no thanks" loudly with voice crack
>speed walk away in horror
>put in my 2 weeks that day
>>692746841
I get disciplining you for stealing and lying but I can't help but feel there was some reaction to the thought of you being a crossdresser in there.
Whatever works for you though bro, wear whatever is comfy
>>692746770
dude you had bad parents
>>692747205
Wrong link
>>692746770
>>692747205
this so much
>>692743658
hahahahahahaha! this is one of the better greentext b8s I've ever read
>>692722528
omg I fucking love shrooms I wish they didn't tastes so bad tho
>>692746972
Also, let me give you another cringe.
>be me
>i dig chicks too
>for some reason more nervous around girls than guys
>go to best buy
>REALLY cute girl works there
>with my bf and hes the one buying stuff, but she's talking to ME
>can't even make eye contact with her
>can only glance and nod at her while blushing like an idiot
>now when my bf and I go in, we pretend we're brother and sister so I can come up with the courage to hit on her
>never ever get the courage to do it
>afraid ill throw up im so nervous
So I feel ya on the chick stuff man, they're scary :I
>>692747164
It isn't weird. I actually really appreciate that. For obvious reasons I don't really talk to girls and get comments like that, so it's nice to hear. Thanks.
>>692747174
another
>be me
>at 7-11
>hold the door for someone
>they say thanks
>go to say no problem
>blurt out a sharp no
>turn around and walk out
>>692730149
This is precisely why I despise sluts. I've never personally had the sort of experience you had but I've seen it happen. Taking dicks in every hole does not give you the right to be a cunt (even if that's the only thing you're good for)
>>692747731
your bf's a cuck
god help his soul
>>692719472
Cringe =/= almost lynched for pedophile shit
>b-but we was young and I was a minor too
Just end your life already.
>>692747731
>>692747787
You 2 should hook up fuck and make a couples cringe story
>>692747212
Eh? I don't have any bad blood over it, just awkward feelings.
>>692747205
I wore briefs beforehand but my dad took me to get boxers that felt similar to panties after and I was pretty happy with those. Kinda tented my first time though which sucked ass because my dad asked to see if they fit. I remember he made some awful joke like "It looks like you like them" or some shit.
>>692747174
"no, thank YOU" wouldve been equally autistic
actually, when you said "no thanks" she likely just thought you just misheard her. Anyway, I'm sure she forgot all about it when Chad was pounding her that night
>Be 10yo
>For some reason used to not wear any underwear
>Very comfortable
>Kids playing to pull down your pants
>Panic and sit down every time they did this
>Keep quiet until they changed the game
>Not a real problem, but got really uncomfortable
>One day get in the class in the afternoon
>Stomachache
>About to fart
>Try to do it slowly so nobody notices
>Feel something coming out
>Shittedmyself.jpg
>Panic
>No underwear
>Everything is visible
>Ask teacher to go to the bath
>Get there and stay sitting for 2 hours
>Friend asks me if I'm ok
>My pants are down, I'm locked inside the bath
>Pretend puking
>5:30
>Time to go home
>Pull up pants and start running until getting home
>Cry all night
Now I always wear underwear
>>692747787
Go gay, some 300lb bear would love to tongue your asshole and give you a pinksock
Problem solved
>>692748157
I get the feeling she's not into me, anon, haha. Obviously I'd be more of a brother figure. ;)
>>692748039
No, not at all.
I'm attracted to women, but have never had sex with one.
He wants me to be able to experience it and know for sure if I like women more than men, so I don't regret it later in life.
He's a pretty cool guy in my book.
>>692748157
Haha I cannot for I am a faithful woman.
>>692720024
because this is pasta
>>692748404
pics w/ timestamp
>>692747787
Of course :3
>>692748404
Open minded, adamant that you try new things, wanting the best for you.
I like him.
>>692719472
>Because of this shes kind of slow
No, you fucking moron, she's straight up retarded. You are also retarded for thinking she's only "slow."
>Be in grade 11
>On football team
>After a game we'd have free hot dogs and soda
>Standing around eating hotdog by myself
>Notice that a group of hot, popular girls are standing ~15 meters away
>They beckon for me to come over
>Completely freeze mid chew
>Internally panic
>Fuck why would they want to talk to me? They don't even like me!
>They giggle and start beckoning more animatedly
>Shit shit shit shit
>I know! I'll just turn around and walk away like I didn't see them!
>Meanwhile I've been staring for a good 10-15 seconds
>Turn 360 degrees and walk away
>Realize how much I fucked up right as I turn but I gotta commit
Also around that time I accidentally emailed my mom a document of porn URLs, shit like "pornhub.com/hot_blonde_gets_mouth_full_of_cum". That was pretty bad too
>>692748549
Of me?
I've already explained I'd rather not.
I don't have any pictures of myself for noconfidence
>>692736664
So like she was crying then her parents are like... "CARE PACKAGE INCOMING" and it turned out to be a uav or something lol
>>692748583
Thank you :)
I like him too haha
>>692723529
this is true.
i stole like three lines of coke from a girl i know, felt bad about it for fuking YEARS.
she also happens to have fucked me once when i was passed out.
my 15$ theft is in no way comp to being fuckin raped lol, which ive never thought twice about.
>>692748600
Is your mom blonde
>>692743904
You are so fucking gay it hurts
>>692748781
>Nope
At least I didn't have sislovesme videos in it
>I have a little sister
>>692745627
and?
>>692742070
>>692748964
This is what I was talking about! hahaha thank you anon
>>692743874
>>692730149
She would smack me and watch as the dudes beat me up. I got beat up a few times a year. One time I got beat up between school and home on this little bride I would take to avoid the roads. Probably the worst beating I took, guys kept saying they where going to kill me, beat my ass really hard and threw me in the water, I got out and they did it again. While I was on the ground she kicked me in the stomach again and again then in the face. She waited long after everyone else had left, I don't know why, she just watched me suffer.
Not sure how long I was on the ground, must have been two hours, it was fall, the sun was setting when I got up. As I was getting up she left too. I couldn't see very well but she wouldn't look at me, scum. I never felt more betrayed by a person in my life. I didn't go back to school for a few months, I just stayed home. The reason I got beat in the first place is because she told people I was gay, sometimes I think she put the guys up to it. She asked me years later, "Do you forgive me Anon?" and I said something like,"I hate you more than any other person alive, I hope you die alone," She just hung up, piece of shit, she wanted me to feel like the bad guy for the things she did. I made it out of that town, got my degree, have a wonderful GF I love and a nice apartment, extra money. Life is going good at the moment. Maybe someday she'll get beat and raped.
>>692720684
>the shut in asks
>>692730149
I kinda have a problem talking to people to and in big crowds but I'm getting better at it you probably just need something to take the edge off, and I would have beat that gay dudes ass dude really that some beta ass shit right there
>>692745643
sorry, whats alpha bout that? did you get up to slap her? i dont get it? halp
>>692739892
Yeah sounds about right that's what adolescent girls do.
>me, 9 years old
>I enjoyed being nude
>I am walking around my room scratching my ass
>the house was in the process of being sold, forgot to lock the door, a whole family checking out the house and my mom opened the door just to see my standing on my bed scratching my ass.
>It is now an inside joke in my family.
>>692749280
It just sucked being on the shit end of the stick ya know?
>>692749156
This was years ago man. Here is a little more to that story, I think I had a happy ending.
>>692749142
>>692740178
PFFFFTTT HAAHHAAHAHA
That is way funnier than it should be
>>692743658
>.file
>>692748266
I too once shat my pants hard at school when I was 10. Nobody said anything, but I'm sure they smelt it. To make the day better, my dad's car broke down that afternoon (he usually picked me up from school since we lived kinda far) so I had to walk all the way home in shit pants
Also the same year I peed myself while watching Independence day and walked around the theater in pee pants
I ALMOST peed myself as a 30 year old man while on a shuttle to an airport in Tokyo. because I was a dumbass and didn't piss that morning before heading on. Had to hold it for 40 minutes while I could literally feel my bladder spasming. I almost did a terrorist-style up-from-my-seat-and-address-all-the-passengers "UMM EVERYONE EXCUSE ME, BUT THIS BUS NEEDS TO STOP NOW"
>>692749280
>Tfw girls made a list once ranking all guys in our grade in terms of hotness
>Somebody found it
>I was nearly last
>>692719472
Cool story, OP, listen to mine
>Be horny 15-16 year old
>Live next to my 13 year old cousin
>Shes cute at hell, looks like a fucking anime
>Cousin is a shut in, shes innocent and trust people. Because of this shes kind of slow
>When parents arent home i'd go over cousin house on the pretense that we didn't have a cable and they did
>I invent a game me and her would play when her parents werent home
>Game basically involved me shoving my tongue down cousins throat while she tries to push my tongue out of her mouth
>She really believed it was a game, she even hugged me to get a better grip, i'd fee her tits through her cloth while i held her while kissing her, sometimes jerking off in the back room
Skip from summer to fucking thanksgiving
>Be eating turkey with family
>Everyone is at the dinner table, dont wanna be there
>Cus is sitting across from me
>While im watching tv i hear everyone freaking the fuck out
>Cus was trying to play the game with my uncle
>Look at her and shes fucking terrified
>Not knowing what the fuck was going on i stay
>Her Dad asks her wtf shes doing, she tells him about the game
>Dad asks her who taught her the game
>She cries and tells everyone i played the game with her a "ton of times"
>Entire family looks at me with big wide eyes and open mouths as if i was a fucking monster
>A sharp cold chill shoots up my nerves, my entire body is shaking like a mother fucker
>I stutter "Execuse me i have to use the restroom" i nearly trip and im starting to black out
>I hide in the restroom the entire day
>The dad and my mom knock on the door asking for me
>I open the door
>Get on the floor
>Everybody walk the dinosaur
>>692740454
..........
>at new job
>fine dining, was a busser but made good tips
>folding napkins and talking to coworkers
>somehow the topic of sex/virginity came up
>I cannot open my mouth without saying something autistic
>say "my dad didnt lose his virginity till he was 26"
>wat.jpg
>everyone thought I fucked my dad
but they were european so it wasnt as bad
>>692749624
This version is better.
>>692740551
Oh my god the poor man
>>692748964
literally lolled out loud
>>692734999
Your mother failed as a parent. Does she let you trade Good Boy Points for tendies too?
Honestly i have a fuck ton of small ones. First is more regret.
>be me
>be 5 years old
>mom babysits kids on the weekends
>me and another 5 year old who is blonde are playinh doing stupid little kid shit
>idea.jpg
>ask her if she wants to play a game
>of course she does were both little kids
>we take turns licking each others feet
And thats how i think my thing for feet started, i was a weird child, got lots more if yall want em.
>be me at 15
>weekend
>no computer at the time
>have to make use of something
>i have a tv with cd player and all
>get the hunger games movie
>start it
>play it until the part where jennifer lawrance is naked (but only shows like shoulders above)
>it_will_do.png
>pause the movie there
>start jerking off
>step sister and brother are heading towards the room
>i dont hear them
>throw blanket over my 39 inch rock hard cock
>step sister asks "are you jerking off"
>i say no
>little brother "but theres a bump right there"
>turn over to the side and pull boxers and shit back up
>they knew, probably just didnt care
>FF 2 Weeks
>standing in lunch line at school
>little brother walks up, being an idiot, i start teasing him a little
>says that i was jacking off to the hunger games
>the rumor spreads, but also gets twisted
>everyone at school thought i was masturbating to kids getting murdered
>mfw
Okay I got 2 storys for ya:
> be me, 2 months ago
> at house party
> a friend of mine is talking to an 18 year old black chick
> I casually walk by with another friend, über drunk
> they're talking about jobs and shit
> she tells him she's going to work at KFC during the summer
> racist.gif
> leaning out to my friend and blurts out
> "what a coincidense" REALLY loud because of the loud music
> she gets offended and I 360 and gets the fuck out of there
Second story:
> be me, like 4 years old
> live on the country side at the moment with only 2 neighbours
> we know them really well
> one day I needed to take a shit really bad
> fuck, toilet is occupied
> casually cross the dirt road to my neighbours house
> just walks in, gets on the toilet
> shits
> haven't learned how to wipe myself yet so I yell
> "I'm done!!" because that's what I did back then
> my neighbour was like wtf
> found me sitting on the toilet
> nobigdeal.jpg
> she has kids my age so she didn't mind
> wipes my ass, and I walk home like nothing has happened
>>692750206
post more with feet
>>692750225
39 inch cock
>>692740178
used to put bouncy balls in my ass before i even knew what the fuck i was doing, shit was fun
Hottest girl I've ever seen naked... Wants to fuck. Can't get it up because smoked weed earlier. That and she just laid there, wouldn't suck on it or touch it or anything. So maybe those two factors. Next day tried to play it off like “I know how fucked up you were I don't want to do that. If you want to hang out some time...“ like white Knight bullshit. Never hear from her again.
>>692741406
Get off of /b/ you fucking cringe inducing newfag
>>692750237
>Shitting in someone elses toilet and making them wipe your ass
Alpha as fuck
>>692725700
Hehe.
>>692740723
good states there, live in TN now born in GA
>dalton/ringgold and chatt
>>692750380
I dont have anymore like that
At the same age i tried to put on a pad though but couldnt figure it out so i through it in the trash.
I got one
>Be me a wee babe in 3rd grade
>I had terrible irritable bowel syndrome my whole life
>turned out I was lactose intolerant, still drink it to this day for the lols
>anyhow
>bad bout of diarrhea hits me like a truck
>go to loo
>destroy the porcelain with my ass vibrations
>like literally loudest sharts of my life
>continue for 30 minutes
>The splash back was so violent my pants around my ankles were getting splashed
> takethatshitoff.png
>suddenly the door opens to the bathroom
>the stall goes quiet, I shake with fear
>Hear classmates shouting my name, apparently the teacher sent them in to check where I was
>Don't answer
>Lift my legs up so they can't notice me
>They approach my stall
>fuckfuckfucucufufufuuuu
>They kick the door down and storm in
>mfw they witness me, a small 8 year old or so boy legs up completely bare naked except my pokemon shirt shaking violently and sharting in suprise of the door breaking down
>mfw this wasn't the first time something like this happened.
>>692727753
this is the golden truth.
YOU can fuck the Girls good, hmmm ok
But if you can laugh with her (about such lifefails.omg f.e.) then it will become your wife maybe
>>692749442
I lived in an old as fuck duplex and the maintenance guy saw my dick so much because I didn't dress when my parents were at work. Tried to act casual about it once and he told my parents I was making him uncomfortable by being flirty. Had a long convo with dad after that.
>>692749529
Hey, same 10yo anon who shitted.
>A month ago
>Had to take a long travel
>Not cheap tickets by airplane
>Had to take a 10hour travel
>Two first hours were nice, movies and shit
>Drank a lot of water
>Traveling with my father
>Fourth hour
>Need to pee so bad
>Psychological shit or something, can't fucking pee in a bus
>Try for 40 minutes
>Can't
>Go back and sit
>5th hour
>Totally desperate
>dad looks at me dissapointed
>Tell him
>Gendo.jpg
>Try to sleep
>He falls asleep
>I can't
>It hurts
>Start crying for 2 hours silently
>Bus stopped
>Start running to bath
>Father is mÃa
>Call him
>He took a taxi and is gone
>Doesnt want to see my face
It seems that everyone in the bus laughed at me because they noticed I was crying
>>692742579
This is why everybody hates newfags.
>>692734999
Same exact fuckin shit happened to me.
>>692726208
>i'm super good at sex, but I cum weirdly...
sure dude...sure
>be me
>20 have no job and shit
>grow up in shitty neighbourhood
>I am still white
>talking to a possible employer over phone
>she said "hi is this anon I am speaking to"
>"yo yea it is what up lol"
>hear a brief silence then realize she's from a company trying to hire me
>she asks me to come to an interview on this date
>wrote down wrong date and name of who I am speaking to
Later that week
>show up to interview asking for sandra
>Ching Ching China bitch in front desk look at me like wtf
>sorry Fuk lol ther Is no Sandra
>fuck u mean
>she asks if I meant merrisa
>prolly idk lol
>Merrisa comes in
>hot af 8/10
>she tells me it was the wrong date and shit
>feel like a dumbass I say "forreal wtf my bad"
>she then laughs doesn't really care says "well I guess u couldn't do anything that day huh anon"
>then say "do yo-" stop mid way cus I almost fucked everything up
>she hears and it was complete silent and awkwardness during the whole interview
>I'm in her office lol'ing cuz i still thought it was funny while contemplating if I should jump out her office window
>>692750206
sure why not
idk if it's the worst but here's one of mine
>be me, visiting home from college for xmas
>it's the 90s, I am old
>go to new years eve party with friends and friends of friends
>dude is driving a bunch of us home
>I'm drunk and me and someone else I'd just met were talking about whatever
>at that age I am still one of those retards who quotes song lyrics
>say to someone "I'm so ugly, that's ok cuz so are you"
>they don't say anything
>to this day I wonder if they knew it was a song lyric or if they thought I was insulting them
>>692726208
> Says cum inside her
> I'm cumming
> Gets off
>>692743442
There is a huge difference between being a beta whiteknight and telling a newfag to stop being a fucking cancer.
Here's another
>Maybe 3 years ago
>Go to hang out with alpha, pussymagnet best friend
>We (he) get invited to hang out and drink with a couple girls from our highschool
>Essentially a mini party, 2 guys 2 girls
>We all hang around and drink for a while, come up with erotic drinking game
>At one point we all have to get naked
>Later game determines that we all fuck
>"K we'll drink more and then do it" - girl who's house we're at
>Drink for maybe an hour longer
>Buddy and other girl peace out to fuck all night
>Meanwhile other girl leaves
>Mfw sitting around naked by myself in strange house, listening to them fucking upstairs
>Her dad had a sick home office with a fancy, expensive office chair
>Roll around in it naked, randomly rearranging his files pretending to be a super businessman for over an hour
>Then just play Buckhunter on my phone
>We sleep over
>The next morning I drank the rest of their milk and took their Denny's leftovers on my way out
>Nearly lost virginity in a fourway
>>692750225
>says that i was jacking off to the hunger games
>the rumor spreads, but also gets twisted
>everyone at school thought i was masturbating to kids getting murdered
i lel'd
>>692748342
Goodnight, dude version of me, and all the other autists in this thread.
Was a good one.
I'll try to make more stories tomorrow at work haha.
>>692751173
Kek
>>692720209
>Play same game with dick
>But you're a faggot
>but
Was that an attempt at being edgy?
no proof of any women itt
>>692749260
Think he meant she was alpha, didn't finish movie after making out with current bf. Just got up and left.
>>692745213
look like that autist from Skins
>Middle school
>Cute popular girl on the bus sit across from me talking to friends
>Says how hard it is to put your leg behind your head
>She goes to do it but I stop her to show how I can
>Fart
>She quietly turns away and looks out the window
>>692727171
Shut the fuck up faggot
Cringe Moment
>be me
>be a very horny 13 year old
>stay at my uncle and aunties house on a regular basis
>my older female cousin, 24, is easily the hottest chick I've ever seen
>one night I'm there I stay in her room
>she's not home
>decide to go snooping
>find a bunch of her underwear and a dildo
>start sniffing her underwear and dildo
>door opens
>my cousin walks in
>her dildo pressed against my nose like its the smell of heaven
>stopped seeing that side of my family after that night
>>692751506
yeah for real even posting a hand or foot would prove it but everyone is like tits tits whooo... shits gay bruh
>Works at TB
>Work Lobby
>Waiting to clean bathroom
>Silent Night
>Cutomer Pushes me against wall and grabs my butt
>wtf
>He runs for exit and leaves
>Co-worker saw everything and did nothing
>>692750801
Nigger I live in Murray
>>692749563
Oh my god i am so sorry
That's just fucking cold
>>692719472
Give more details please I want to fap
What did she look like, how did u feel while doing it etc.
>>692743737
this guy gets it
>>692751829
fuck i know several people from murray
>>692740178
I found it easy to masturbate to this
>>692751857
On the positive side, it's been years since this shit happened.
Now I'm fit, relatively attractive, and have a gf who I fuck all the time so I can look back and chuckle at it
>>692752021
God damn son, I'm from Cleveland TN but moved here in middle school. Small world.
>>692725700
I would have finished bowed then walked off like nothing happened
>Be me
>16y/o with a 13y/o sister
>Sister is cute blonde 5ft1in
>About three years ago me and sister start to sleep together CUS we both stay up and shit
>She decides to move her stuff into my room permanently
>Parents don't fucking care
>Sleeps in my bed in her underwear
>Great ass at age of 10 but no tits
>Every night take off her panties and fucked her thighs
>She moans every time
>Everytime about to cum push tip against her asshole
>Do this every night and finger her occasionally
>Fast forward to a few months ago
>Fuck it she grew tits and she knows I play with her at night and she plays with me too
>When she sleeps I start fingering her ass
>Starts to push Dick into it
>Pop her anal cherry and cum inside her ass every night
>Parents still don't know
>Fast forward again
>A week ago
>Sister and I decide to try doggy styles anal
>Doing her squeezing breasts and about to cum
>shoveallthewayin.jpg
>Cum inside her as cousin walks inside
>He looks at us then leaves
>Never mentions it
>Gonna break sisters Hymen soon
>>692751857
Also worth mentioning, the few guys I was ahead of were like, the autistic kid, the weird guy who perpetually smells bad, etc.
>>692734999
Nice trips.
>>692737809
doesnt loco mean crazy?
>>692722424
She had no problem with it until everyone around her freaked out.
>>692737809
I'm Portuguese and the kids in my school make fun of me for that. Americans are fucking weird.
>>692738841
I needed those keks tonight.
>>692743658
great fucking b8 man
>18
>Always been better friends with girls for some reason
>Doesn't make much sense because I'm kind of a red-blooded macho man, just more honest about my sensitive side than most repressed hypermasculine nodicks
>Anyway, best friends are two girls
>One I'd tried to date, but embraced the friend zone when I realized we weren't that compatible
>Other one was dating this guy who ended up being one of my few guy friends
>This one has a younger sister
>15, but I didn't know till much later
>At this point I'm a kissless virgin, only date I'd been on was with other friend
>Hanging out with Friend and sis (let's call her June) and realize we have a lot in common
>Always seen my friend as 9/10, but not my type, notice June is 11/10
>We start texting, realize she's basically my dream girl, like the kind you make up when you're 12 of the perfect machine of a girl
>Friend notices we have some chemistry, suggests I take her to prom
>Doesn't realize the extent of what was going down between us
>Get to prom, we basically disappear 30 minutes in
>Place is on a beach, we sneak off to watch the sunset
>Standing next to a fire some of the kids not dancing were maintaining on the beach
>She and I start trading our usual banter, slowly gives way int both of our first kiss
>Everything seems perfect
>Still kissing, hear loud voices coming towards the fire
>Friend's voice in the mix
>All of my friends
>Don't want to stop, don't want to look and see them
>Decide it would be best just to edge behind a pile of driftwood off to the side
>There for probably an hour making out, cause my friends decided to chill around the fire and we couldn't escape
>Chaperone finds us and busts everyone, have to walk of shame with her and lipstick all over my face
>Right in front of older sister
>And all our friends
>And none of them knew we were even a thing, most of them thought I was just being nice
>Lost every single one of my friends that night, >Still have to dodge older sis when I go to see her
>mfw
>Be 11 years old
>Watching Hentai porn
>Some shit with school girl and robot I believe
>About to cum
>Hear dad outside in hall talking to little brother
>Close internet because they might come in
>They do
>Only got 1 computer in house so they use mines
>Dad asks me to type in some shit about harry potter to show my bro
>I just sit there staring at screen moving the mouse in a circular motion while my dad asks me repeatedly
>"Anon what are you doing?"
>Tells me to move over so he can do it
>Types the letter "H" into search bar
>Sweatrollingdownmyhead.jpg
>"Hentai girl gets fucked", "Hentai hottie pulverized by machine" etc appear
>Mfw
>Dad looks at me
>Freeze
>Dad gets more embarrassed than me
>Little bro doesn't know what's going on
>Dad puts arm around little bro and says "c'mon lets go son" and walks out
>Doesn't talk to me for weeks
>Tells my mom
>She's a little embarrassed for me but still talks to me and tries to get my dad to talk to me
>Dad drunk one night tells me he was disappointed in me but I like what I like
That was 9 years ago now, we're obviously normal again. But I think my dad still has a little bit of disappointment in him to this day.
another one, again, maybe not the worst but sticks out
>sixth grade
>have periods but too embarrassed/cool/whatever to carry pads in purse
>if it starts while I'm in school, I just fold up some TP and put it in my underwear, gets me through the rest of the day. then next day wear a pad to school
>do this for several months, never had a problem until one day
>I go through my day, can kinda feel the TP shifting but it doesn't feel like it's fallen out
>last class is this music appreciation class, it was part of some enrichment thing where you got to pick from several clubs and then you'd do that on fridays for the last hour
>5-6 of us in the class
>walk past the podium (which is on casters) at the front, find a seat farther up
>sit down
>underwear feels oddly empty but I think nothing of it
>looking around, waiting for class to start
>notice the folded TP with a big blood spot on it half sticking out from under the podium where it fell
>nobody says anything or seems to notice
>if I pick it up, everybody will know it's mine because nobody is going to touch something with someone else's blood on it
>when class is over I casually kick it under the podium
>walk out
>>692740178
Kyra is that you?
>>692752386
>>692752289
fuck, that sucks
>>692751173
you didn't nearly lose your virginity in a fourway you fucktard.
Back from when I graduated high school
>Had huge crush on girl I was friends with all year
>Approaching grad, I ask her to be my grad date
>Says no, "just want to be friends", etc.
>K, whatever
>Like 3 other cute girls would have liked me to ask them out looking back, but I was retarded and had tunnel vision
>Anyways, a few weeks later she texts to ask if we can actually go together, because otherwise she wouldn't have a date
>Accept for some reason
>Only together once that night, to get pictures taken
>At our aftergrad, I was one of the only people in our grade who was underage, and the employees and the chosen club were nazis about preventing me from getting liquor
>End up sitting in the corner by myself, sober, playing tetris on my phone
>Meanwhile she's drunk and making out with another guy for the rest of the night
>Quietly leave early to go home and play Mass Effect
Bonus epilogue:
>She went to university across the country after HS
>Immediately got a boyfriend
>The next summer, surprise visit, she shows up at my house
>With said bf
>Have to meet him and entertain them for like an hour
>>692726208
What about asking her of you could cum on her tits/face/mouth?
I am horrible at telling jokes. No matter how short, I practice them in my head before saying out loud.
>New job social gathering
>I am the Kitchen Manager, DM GM AGM all there
>Everyone tells jokes all night and I had one that cracks me up
Alright guys knock knock.
Who's there?
I eat broom
I eat broom who?
Broom was suppose to be mop :(
Me stammering for redemption just made the rest of the night awkward.
>>692736664
What the hell
Im so confused
>>692753356
It was legitimately the closest I ever came until I met my gf and actually had sex. Like the only situation where sex was somewhat plausible
>>692752386
Yes
>>692753613
so it should have been
>I eat mop who?
what was the rest?
Two stories for you:
>first day in a new school
>I go to the cafeteria during lunch, find a seat
>get up to get napkins
>come back, someone took my seat
>foods gone
>I stare at the open spot for a whole minute
>I sit on the floor
>everyone stares at me
>I don't know what to say, so I say nothing
>~40 minutes of sitting on the floor staring at people
>known as "floorboy" until Christmas Break
Second happened the next year
>I'm a huge history buff
>everyone knows
>walking home from school one day
>cheerleaders practicing outside
>they call me over
>the coach is a history teacher; they want to know if my knowledge is legit
>ask me to explain WWI to them
>I start with the rise of Napoleon
>coach impressed
>gets a phone call, he walks away
>the girls are obviously bored; I don't notice
>I spend an hour explaining the war and its effects
>girls are getting frustrated
>finally girl 'coughs' "nerd!"
>I turn bright red and run away
>smack into a wall
>they laugh
Not bad in hindsight, but super embarrassing at the time.
