>>692569331 I just posted a feels thing that happened to me.
TFW your manual car has transmission problems, you get home the same night and then your parents decide to throw you out of the house for coming home late, you have no money, no place to live, and have to sleep in your now broken down car.
Im just sitting here waiting for her to text me but i know she wont. In the past few days she just stopped talking to me and says she is busy all the time. Its always "ttyl" but the later text never comes. Honestly i just want to make other people happy cause feeling like this is shit
>>692571001 How about you make yourself happy. Trying to make others happy is a worthless endevor if all you end up doing is suffer. Fuck her and everyone else who don't give you the time day. You are who matters to yourself so make yourself happy.
I don't know how much longer I can go on like this. Work all week only to spend my days off alone.
This time last year I was constantly surrounded by my friends. Now they never want to see me and I don't know why.
I had a best friend for many years who I felt understood me. We went through a lot together from laughing all night to drug abuse. We quit drugs together and they made me promise I'd never do them again, or they'd stop being my friend.
But now I don't have my friend or my drugs. I spend my days shut in my room, staring at the ceiling in silence. I almost wish something terrible would happen to me, just to see if anyone would care. Or even notice.
I know this isn't normal. I think I might need help. I want someone to help because they care, not because I cry for help.
>>692573112 Cause i have no one. All my friends work all the time and when they dont work they have other plans. She is pretty much all i had to talk to and keep me together and im pretty sure she is drifting away. Yeah ill get over it and yeah there is other girls but that doesnt mean i cant be hurt right now.
I feel down. I feel down all the time ever since I lost her. See kept me happy and entertained. Made me feel good but honestly I realize now I was just another guy to her she's already moved on and I know she doesn't think about me. I could careless about her now. What I'm really down about is I met this other one. She's this nice adorable short Asian. Met her at a party we got drunk together and cuddle on a couch both crashed on the couch for the night. Gave her my number and after the party didn't expect her to text me. She did though not till later but she did and we talked all night until early morning just losing track of time. We talked for a few days then she stopped answering. We didn't talk for a couple days until I got high and said well why not and decided to call her. I called her and woke her up but she didn't care she said and she kept talking to me and wouldn't go to sleep and kept wanted to talk but now we stopped talking. Idk what to do I don't want to sound desperate but I feel so happy talking to her. Idk if she thinks I'm cool or if I'm a Fucking loser. I feel like I'm just a loser I mean it's my birthday in two days and I have no one to celebrate with. Phones constantly empty even though I try and go out and meet people or see if people want to hangout but maybe my social skills are shit. I'm just a joke. A worthless Fucking joke
>>692573072 i feel you bro, i always been there for others and there's no one for me now, except my family. Friends left me down and now i am alone pissed at and disappointed to everybody in general, the false friendship and working with false people.
sometimes i think i am the one wrong and everybody is wright.
other times i thinks fuck everybody i know i am right i am just surrounded of dumb people.
we are all alone in life thats the way it is, thats reality, you cant count on nobody, expect nothing of no one and don't hope people will realize anything cause they don't.
we have to do our thing the best we can and try to be happy.
2 days 10 years 40 years. is the same sooner or later we are gone and nothing really maters anymore.
>>692571001 Usually I just lurk, I almost never post, but after seeing this I just can't help but write this. I feel the same way and I'm in the exact same situation. I've been dating her for over half a year now but it's been tough recently. I just haven't been able to see her lately. Now if I send her something I have to wait like 6 hours before a reply. When we Snapchat, I rarely get a picture of her. When I try to talk to her it's always I'm busy. I've gone to bed almost all of last week to "We'll talk tomorrow" I gues tomorrow never comes. This is shit dude.
I fucked up with my new friends. They get pissed at me for something I never knew was wrong or bothered them, and they are all against me and even some of my closest friends. If only they knew the truth and would know what is truely happening. Anyone else dealing with something similar? If I lose these people I won't have any friends left. I'm not even a gross neet I'm just not the best with people socially.
>>692580457 http://psychcentral.com/lib/an-overview-of-dialectical-behavior-therapy/ i did it when i was like 16 though, so i'm not sure if you can still do it depending on your age. and i'm not sure you'd want to do it in the same setting as mine considering your schizoid (it was involved with other people; it fucked my social anxiety up real bad) but it's well worth it. i have lifelong skills.
Wishing I had a pack of cigarettes and 2 bottles of vodka right now. Been a while since I had either and the depressing fact that I have to live in this world sober with a panicky, schizo mind like mine is slowly killing me inside more and more everyday
Two weeks ago, my father died. Some background info: he had a year long battle with cancer involving lots of scary treatments including chemo and radiation, but I genuinely thought he would recover. The way it happened will always be burned into my memory. He had a fall early that morning, and was unresponsive for some time. When I got there about an hour later, he was alert and able to speak coherently, but was very weak. We got him to his bed, and after awhile he lost consciousness. We stayed with him the whole time. He would occasionally mutter phrases like "i love you" and "I'm dying" even though he did not appear to be awake. However, I was in total denial. I thought he was going to get some sleep and wake up well rested the next day... but when I sat next to him, touched his arm and said "I'm here, Dad", he opened his eyes and looked directly into mine. And within two minutes the man took his last breath, still staring deep into my eyes. I know it hasnt been very long but this memory still fucks me up to my core.. Anyone have any similar experiences that could relate?
>>692583062 My close friend died recently, so this touches me. I had a dream last night that my roommate died. I realized that I've known her my whole life, and if I lost them both, my life would honestly be over. Death is disgusting. It shows you that someone you care about and want to see exists, then rips them from you as if they were never there. R.I.P. Daniel. I hope you're sucking dick in a beautiful place. <3
I stopped talking to my friends a couple months ago now. Didn't hit me until tonight.
They are really good guys, but I haven't lived in the same city as them for a year now and the distance has become very apparent. I'm not going to force myself into conversations and fool myself into thinking they still really like me, so I figure it's best that I just cut things off clean.
This is the fourth real group of friends I've gone through in my life. I just hope that one day I can firmly belong somewhere.
I'm only 15. I have no social skills, I have never even talked to a girl, I'm ugly as fuck, and I have terrible grades. But this isn't why I'm depressed all the time. I don't want to live in this world because I'm scared of fucking growing up. I know for a fact I'm not ready to be an adult. The only thing I'm good at is fucking up. I'm gonna end up with a shitty job, without a family and probably end up killing myself. I just want to be 15 forever, adulthood seems like its going to be too much for my weak fucking mind, but what do I know, I'm only fucking 15
>>692584184 I totally feel you. It sucks when you think you got the right friends and then lose them. I had to go through a few groups of them and right now I have some that are all close but who knows how long it will last...
My best friend has been avoiding me for a couple weeks now For the past week I've been staying up all night and sleeping all day and every time I wake up I have anxiety because I feel like I'm missing out on life or I'm late for something This is a very lonely summer
>>692584621 m8 you're only 15, you're not even done physically growing. Your grades don't even really matter at this point either. I was that way when I was your age, was that way for a while, but I grew out of it. Currently going to college for a PhD in Physics, when I was 15 I was pretty sure I was just going to kill myself when I hit 18
Meet this girl, super cute, talk for months. Finally meet and everything feels amazing, finally happy again after being a lone for a year with hardly any friends. We were supposed to hangout yesterday but I woke up to a text saying she got back with her ex. Laid in bed yesterday and today. Hurts more than year long relationships for some reason.
21 year old no gf, I'm pretty desperately alone on the inside. There's been lots of girls that have been interested in me, but they all were in relationships and I knew if they cheated with me, I'd end up falling in love and getting hurt in the end. Something like that's actually going on right now, and I don't really care anymore. At this point I wouldn't mind getting hurt in the end if it could alleviate this suffering even for a minute.
>>692583442 Goddamnit /b/ro. I had my grandma, who I miss so much. She was human embodiment of everything I loved Who took me her away? A stupid doctor. A guy, 11 years of study for what? Life is complete emptyness without her. Life is a slate-colored room, with every breath I take makes it small
>be 14, freshman, new school no friends >bullied hardcore the year before, social retard, can't talk to girls, introvert as fuck >new school, fresh start, make some new friends >new friend group consists of me, bro, other guy, 2 females >attracted to girl 1, let's call her Annie >never talk when Annie is around because I'm beta as fuck and retarded, don't trust myself >fast forward to end of sophomore year, not much has changed >still beta as fuck and no testicles to speak of >girl 2 thinks I'm depressed, tells Annie >not actually depressed, life is fine, schools shit, average beta high school life >Annie comes to me after school one day, asks me to walk around with her >nervous as fuck, never talked to her 1 on 1, only just got first phone a week ago, never texted any females >we walk around for a while, she's talking about random shit and I'm listening >eventually tells me that girl one told her I was depressed >tells me some depressing shit about her life, says if I need somebody to talk to she's there for me, gives me her number and hugs me >don't know wtf just happened, retarded 16 y/o me thinks I love her, text her that night >texting way easier then talking, I tell her all about how I was adopted never knew my parents, bullied in 8th grade >all true stories, but I make it all sound extra depressing even though its not >make her believe I'm legit depressed >talk to her every night, she thinks she's helping me through depressing, maybe even stopping me from suicide >I keep this up because I'm a faggot and Im Addicted to her sympathy >fast forward to junior year >same shit, Annie still thinks I'm depressed, but she's getting tired of my shit >she doesn't know I'm faking depression, but can tell that I don't really want to get better >she's not texting me as much and not giving me as much sympathy as before >I start to notice, autism kicks in, decide I need to make myself seem more depressed so she'll start caring again
>>692586890 Hey, same fella as before. I understand exactly what you mean by emptiness. Let me tell you a little about my situation.. I'm 19 years old, and I just finished my first year of college. But whenever the college life would get to be too much for me (practically happened twice a week), I would go sit in my car and call my dad. Now my dads gone, and the car he gave me will soon be gone since it wont pass inspection. Its just like theres this huge void in my life where his presence used to be and I dont know how to handle it. We were never really close until 3 years ago, but I still have no idea how I will be able to manage without him.
>>692576749 Severe manic depressive disorder and severe social anxiety along with a perfectionistic disposition. Accompanying that is a relatively high IQ, the actual number I'm unsure of, and a history of abuse. Molested as a kid with a bipolar stepfather who went crazy when he found out his son molested his stepson, so he blames me, kinda. Below average household income lead to general feelings of self-worthlessness too.
Not all mental illness, but it's related and the cause.
This is gonna sound bitchy and gay but I don't give a fuck, I don't give a shit anymore, I'm 18 I don't have my license, I've only had one job and that was cleaning floors for my step dad from 12-16 never got paid I don't really care, we're kinda poor anyway I'm ready to sell my xbox and just run away, I'm tired of this shitty routine I'm talking to a girl that's 26 and she a has boyfriend I feel like shit for doing it but I haven't talked to a chick in a long time so it feels good. I don't know I lost where I was going. Goodbye /b/
>>692589259 All in good time bby. I didn't have my license until I was almost twenty, and I failed my driver's test three times. Start putting out applications to every place you possibly can so you can get an on the table job and start gaining work experience. As for the talking to the girl, I wouldn't. Don't be involved in infidelity, it doesn't feel good and will only fuck you up. It gets better my friend, it really does I promise you that. If you really need to save up a few thousand first and then move to a new city and start over.
I've had outright strangers tell me this befire but if you don't know anything about someone how would you know if society is or isn't better off without them?
The way things are going right now I'd really like to believe that these things are meaningfull but it feels like smoke being blown up my ass. And if I don't have value to society, is not better than I leave it?
I know I'm going to be banned for this, but I'm an underage fag currently in 10th grade, 11th starting September. Because of the fact that my mother is a disabled ex - drug addict, my father being blinded by a stroke a few years back and on-and-off homelessness for the past few years, I just recently started going to school again. I've missed out on a lot already, and am socially immature, but I still have 2 years left. Do I have any chance of making friends, getting a girlfriend, making memories, etc? Also, I moved away from my family to start school, so I'm alone with no friends or family around. Am I fucked? Am I as big of a piece of shit as I think I am? I should have never stopped going. Fucking 4 years of my life gone. Fuck.
>>692587402 >tell her more bullshit stories, tell her I'm a cutter, and I was afraid to tell her >complete bullshit, but she eats it right up, exactly like I hoped she would >she feels so bad for starting to ignore me, tells me she'll always be there for me in any way she can >starts texting me way more frequently, things are as they were before >forgot to mention, never talked to her in person since she gave me her number except for brief encounters, all conversations are over text >she asks me where I cut and I tell her my legs, because I'm afraid she'll notice if I don't have wrist scars >actually start cutting just in case she ever asks to see them >use pocket knife and cut my upper thighs a bunch >things are going smoothly for a while >whenever she starts ignoring me I text her and tell her I started cutting myself again >works perfectly, she legit blames herself whenever I do this and starts texting me again >at this point I know I'm a piece of shit, but im in too deep, and it feels good talking to her >I tell myself I can stop whenever, and then I can work on maybe pursuing a relationship with her >I still like her, and I am extremely infatuated with her, I think I love her >i know she only talks to me because I'm depressed, I'm afraid to stop acting depressed because I know she'll leave me >fast forward to the end of junior year >Annie has stopped talking to me completely, nothing works now >sometimes if I'm lucky I'll try to text her and she'll text back for maybe 10 minutes then stop >the last few months I noticed she wasn't talking as much, and I responded by ramping up the depression even more but she ignored it >I considered threatening to kill myself but was to much of a pussy >afraid she would tell someone and my parents would find out >nothing I can do >I was emotionally dependant on her for a year, now she's gone >emotionally destroyed, depressed for real, start cutting again, consider actually killing myself >too much of a pussy
>>692590114 You are important to someone even if you don't know it. If you were to die that pain would ripple across every person you interact with in your daily life. You matter more than you think you do anon.
That's what I'm getting at. This is hallmark card tier advice for a person you don't know. Yoh don't know my name, you don't know where I live or who I live with if I live with anyone at all. You don't know if I'm married or single. You don't know if I have kids. You don't know if I have a job or not. If I do, you dont know what it is.
Most importantly, you don't know why, for what reason, or how severely I'm hurting. You can't tell me you know what the effects of my death would be if you don't know a thing about me.
Like shit, drinking and feeling pathetic . About to graduate from medical school, scared about messing somebody's life up and mine along the way. Also I hate myself and been thinking about suicide should I grow tired of dealing with humans
>>692590829 >>692590829 Oh, fuck you. The reality is that he probably is worthless and should kill himself. Same thing for half the people in this thread, myself included. Shoving this stupid "You're important! You're special!" tumblresque bullshit isn't only fake as hell, but its really patronizing, and it fucking pisses me off. Just fuck off already.
>>692591643 I do find love in everything. I see beauty all around me in nature and structure and people. I can't help but loving people. I make bonds so quickly and people break them without hesitation. I am just terrified of living like this for the rest of my life. I'm terrified of never having someone to lean on when times are bad.
>>692591493 I don't know any more than you do. But in my experience there's always someone out there who would be affected by your death. I worked at a tool store for a while and any time I heard about a customer of mine who died it was devastating. They very well may have not even known my name. You don't think people give a damn about you because you don't give a damn about yourself. I don't have to know you to be able to tell you that there is without a doubt at least one person in this world who would mourn you, and that's a damn good reason to stick around. Take your hurt and bring it to someone who can help ease it.
>>692591493 Not the guy you were talking to, but ill have a go. I know you are not worthless, and you are valuable simple because you are of at least average intelligence and a human being, which means you have a little thing called potential. Even if you were a homeless bum, you still would have the potential to recover and get a job, contribute to society. Have a family, or even better the people around you.
>>692591493 and >>692590114 here, you're no better than he is saying people should die without knowing their circumstances. Right now you're projecting you're own negative feelings on to everyone. Why do you think you should kill yourself.
>>692591853 I'm not saying he's significant to the entire world, very few people are. But in his own world and life he certainly is. Maybe it would come off as less patronizing if I told you I say these things because I know what it feels like to lose somebody who thought they were worth nothing. So yes, I tell people they're worth something because I genuinely believe they are.
>>692592336 Ah but there's the rub. I feel like I'm in a position where I not only have to have value to society but also do it in a way that maintains my own happiness.
As far as having a family, that's laughable. I have a skin condition most people aren't willing to work with. The one woman I've had that loved me unconditionally I fucked up with. And the dream job is about to go out of the question due to z beurocratic error thst was out of my control. I'm about ready to check out.
>>692592425 >>692591493 What I meant was that if he really thinks he should die, who the fuck is anyone else to tell him otherwise? Nobody here knows his situation, and that's what's pissing me off. Everyone is all "Noo! it'll get better! don't do it!" "you're important to everyone around you!" fuck off. How do you even know if he has people around him? How do you know if he's important or not? Shoving fake compliments to his face won't make him feel better. His life is his to decide.
Im 16, and have many mental health conditions due to a poor living environment. I know no one will read my life story, so heres the headline: dads an abusive and jobless alcoholic, mom lives in her own imaginary world where she somehow is happy for the most part. My dads need to control has resulted in me having absolutely no friends most of my life. And now that Im old enough to make my own social decisions, I dont know how since I never got that experience. If Im being honest, Im also scared to try. I would leave, but I have a younger sister and cousin who I often take care of. I couldnt live with myself if I left them in this home. To add on to it, my dads been having insane chest pain, and my mom (who is a nurse, and knows what shes talking about) says hes likely to have a severe heart attack any day now. He spends all of our money on dozens of beers and wines (not exaggerating, literally dozens) every single day, so I saw this coming. What hurts is part of me cares, and for some reason would be devastated if he died. The other part of me would almost feel relieved, which kind of scares me. Honestly without siblings and a cousin, I would have killed myself by now. I just hope I find something to live for by the time were all grown and moved out.
>>692593508 You andi both know it's not that simple. No one I'd handing out careers yo everyone who wants one aND finding one that's enjoyable is nigh impossible for most people. I'm not exceptional for most things.
>>692593825 I never said it was simple. Gotta start small. And its not as hard as you would think to get a job you enjoy. Just look at your interests and skills, and where they align is where you should pursue.
I used to frequent these threads. They make you feel better, knowing that there's other people out there just like you. You gain a sense of community with total strangers all around the world. It's crazy, but you think it helps.
The opposite couldn't be more true. When you are visiting these threads, you are solidifying your shitty, fucked up place on this earth. You say that there's nothing you can do to change your position, but again you'd be wrong. This community that we all find so cathartic is actually a poison, slowly crawling into your heart.
These threads are a trap. You can't change because deep down, you fear what being happy could really mean for you. So you find the like minded, the island of lost toys, to share in your misery. Because misery loves company, right?
The only way you can better yourself is to leave this place and seek out self betterment. Hell, leave 4chan. Leave the entire internet if you have to. You can't truly love another unless you can love yourself. And if you can't love yourself, how can you expect anyone else to?
It's hard. It's scary. But if you want to find a better place, you need to get out of your comfort zone. This is the comfiest place on the internet. You guys are all truly kind, caring people. But lasting relationships and true happiness aren't found on a computer monitor.
As a former /feels/ brother, I can tell you there's two things you MUST do if you ever want to truly be happy:
Never visit this place again.
Wake up every morning and say to yourself, "I love me, and I want today to be better than yesterday."
I love you guys, you helped me through a lot. But you have to leave the nest and learn to fly, some point in your life.
I'm going to stick around for a while, maybe til this thread 404s. Feel free to ask me anything you'd like.
>>692594401 Correction, thought she lovede unconditionally. We got into a few argumrnts, she fucked another guy while I was away. I tried to fix things. She said she wanted to fix things to. Then she stsrted fucking my friend. I really doubt she cares.
>>692590748 >start texting her almost every night apologizing >even though the gig is up, she still doesn't know it was all an act >too afraid to admit that our entire relationship is based on me pretending to be depressed so she would talk to me >instead of apologizing for what actually happened I apologize for being such a burden, getting her into it, etc. >sometimes she responds with something like it's not your fault anon >most of the time she doesn't bother responding >I even try texting her to talk about normal, non depression related things, but that doesn't work >try to find her in school and talk to her in person >can't find her before or after school >I only have one class with her, and I know where her locker is >try talking to her by her locker in between classes but she's always in a hurry >we have Spanish class together, she sits two seats in front of me >it's sort of a free day, she's talking to her friend >not enough balls to go talk to her, so I text her instead >fake a panic attack over text while she's sitting two seats away from me >I watch her get my text and pull her phone out >she looks over at me when she sees the text is from me >we make eye contact for a second, I look away and rest my head on my desk on top of my arms >quietly start fake hyperventilating so it'll look real >Annie doesn't come over, just keeps talking to her friend >I can hear them talking, Annie is laughing, clearly doesn't give a shit >i start legit crying in my seat, luckily my head is already buried in my arms so nobody sees >when the bell rings I quickly leave so nobody sees my face >luckily my desk is in the back of the class, closest to the door >I book it to the bathroom and collect myself in the shitter >my next class is lunch, so I have time to collect myself and make myself presentable before next class >I delete Annie's number from my phone, but write the last seven digits of her number backwards in the stall so I can find it later
>me 32, meet girl 28 on shitty app >texting, chatting for a couple weeks >tell her everything, no faking >meet once and watch Netflix (didn't 'chill') >go on a first actual date tonight >artsy movie "The Lobster", artsy cinema >lots of feels >kissing, arm around her, hand holding, general movie cuddling >afterwards we have a walk downtown >hold hands, laugh, get ice cream >drive her home >windows down, cool summer breeze, we're both really feeling it >haven't been this happy in years >make out in the car, make plans for Sunday >escort her to her door, more kissing, she's tired though >no fucks given, I'm just happy to be with her >leave, get home, take over shirt off and leave it in the garage >hop in shower, just feeling alive, elated >crawl in to bed >next to my wife
how retarded are you? The more the better. We can even degrade the entire industry by saying you were the main developer and designer. Then, during interviews you'll know absolutely nothing about anything and you can just breeze out of any comments by dismissing it as trivial and irrelevant.
Do you have any connections that we could use to put our plan into motion?
Sadness has become a part of me and so has boredom. So much so that the sadness is painful as well as comforting. I've grown to enjoy the pain and even miss it when it isn't there. when I'm feeling down the warmest embrace offered to me is that of my own despair. And so it feels good to wallow in it even for a short while.
>>692596116 So I have to be some autist with terrible social skills to get caught up in feelings right? I've got a wife that I love and a life with her, yet all of a sudden it's not what I thought it was. I'm questioning the last 5 years of my life. But I'm not heartbroken over some girl that doesn't know I exist or fucking a flashlight lubricated with my tears so I can fuck right off.
This is the only time I've told someone about this besides the therapists that I have talked to, and this happened this year
>be me, senior >New student from west US >her name is Sophia I guess you could see where this is going >eyes grey like mine, looks like a fresh blanket of snow >hair brown and smooth, like spiders silk (except brown) >datbooty.jpg >she's in my English and social studies classes, the first two in the day >whenever she enters the room, good vibes all around, I wish it was like that still >spend all of English and social studies talking with eachother >we always sat next to eachother, my last name being bre-----and hers bra-- >be lunch time, I'm the kid always getting in trouble >2nd most detentions in school history >fame.avi >1st lunch there are lunch aids, because we are not to be trusted You probably saw this coming >I have huge crush on SopHia >joking around at lunch again >talking about hillary Clinton, and how she is brain dead >lunch aid comes over "What did I you say mister bre----? >that's my father >tfw I'm mistaken for an irrsponsible drunk who beats his children Gave me a concussion, stole my money and gambled with it, owes my mom $20000 in child support >not the point >lunch table laughs, even though it's like the oldest joke ever "What did u say about hillary--you know what I don't care, just don't joke about politics" To which I reply "you must be a hillar supporter" >my table and 3 others around mine riot >causes irrational scream ing throughout cafeteria >sophia, at my table, heard it all, obviously >she snaps "Could you just grow up? You're so immature..." >she says that alot, but jokingly normally >cafeteria too loud to make out manner of which it is said " I'm so glad that the youth can't vote, for the uneducated voter would make the decision that would hurt the country the most" >took that quote straight from the social studies textbook 1/2
This is /b/, after all. There's only one or two end goals here and lulz is probably one of them.
Life is all about minimizing regret. If we can laugh and have enough to eat, we'll move just because we can. You're probably a piece of shit, but you're still miles ahead of pretty much everyone when you come, even if to a cesspool, and talk about your problems.
Think about all those fuckers just sitting around mopping their miserable existence without doing nothing. Not you sir. You're here and you're talking.
On the eyes of this miserable anon here, you're okay.
Now the only thing left is training your smug look when you're doing all those interviews on how you got to be so successful with your millions of dollars.
>>692596849 It's almost like you didn't read what I said at all. I don't think life is about romantic love, I think it's about love in general. I can love my spouse, I can love my friends, I can love my family and even strangers.
>>692596956 What is your issue exactly? You have a wife you love yet of your own volition chose to meet up and date a significantly younger girl without her knowing and got away with it. Do you want us to absolve you of guilt? What's your issue?
>>692596956 No, of course normies have problems and deal with sadness, but this is an issue probably no one in this thread has dealt with or will ever deal with, so I don't know what you're trying to accomplish here.
>>692594896 I mean come on dude Out of all the lies you could've told People actually suffer with shit like this and you're gonna be a "special snowflake" just for some fucking attention I'm hoping this is b8 but fr dude just why
>>692598050 >>692598130 This is a feels thread. I got some fucked up feels. I found an email 2 weeks ago that she sent 2 years ago to an ex basically asking to hook up. She denies it happened. Now the past 2 years, the proposal, the wedding is all in shadow. I was hurt and found someone that makes me happy, that knows my misery. Do I dump this relationship and go after a new one? Or do I forgive and try and work on the life I've built with a goddamn liar? I didn't make the right choice going out with this chick, but what's the right move forward? I don't need your advice, I'm just putting my feelings out there.
>>692594896 >make a simple deal with myself, not going to text Annie until she texts me >the number on the bathroom wall is in case I don't know if it's her >fast forward to last few weeks of junior year, I get a text from her >way sooner than I expected >I know it's her because I still sort of recognize her number, and because nobody texts me >she needs help on chemistry homework >she literally has an entire semesters worth of homework she never did >she's in the class with all the stupid kids, her teacher is letting her turn in all her late assignments because she feels bad for Annie >I'm the only faggot she knows that is good at chemistry >31 act score, 4 on ap chemistry last year, I'm retarded but book smart, and chemistry is my favorite subject >agree to help her >sends me around 50 screenshots of problems for me to do >I start doing them and sending the answers back >Annie falls asleep >I keep doing chemistry problems until I fall asleep >last text I sent was at around 5:00 AM >I got through around 30 out of the 50 assignments >during Spanish class we have another free day, so I keep doing chemistry >I'm hoping Annie will notice and feel bad for me, she knows I was up until 5 doing her homework but didn't say anything >every once in a while I glance up to see if Annie is watching >she actually was looking at me a few times, and she actually did look like she felt kind of bad >literally can barely keep my eyes open, so I put away my stuff and fall asleep >bell rings, I leave class, nothing eventful happens for the rest of the day >I go home and text Annie all the homework I got done during Spanish, around 5 assignments. >I've still got like 15 to go >I start working on her shit again, she texts me telling me to take a break, I've been a huge help >I play it off and tell her I'll finish the rest, it's not that much more >i stay up until around 3 finishing the rest of her assignments
>>692598859 The wrong one is cheating. Either of those are morally acceptable but honestly if she was hooking up with an ex and your hooking up with a 28 year old it's probably not a good relationship.
Also that shit about the email would have been relevant in your first post, ass.
>>692597293 >triggered.png >she responds with "I'm sorry, are you the one with a paralyzed family member and custody agreement at home?I don't Think so" >I can tell now she's serious, and somethings taken control of me "Are you insane?" I yell "ARE YOU INSANE?" >I yell so loud I scratch my throat >argument mode engage >I list off eeverything wrong with me "Do you have clinical depression, anxiety, custody arguements, an abusive father, Impulsive adhd, dylsexia, a close friend (former baseball coach) with cancer? Sophia, you're not the only one with problems" >I have previously told about how I got in physical fights with me father > I told that I've tried to hang myself both times the fight has finished >I remember her telling me eveything I do that is perfect, I felt light as a feather >be now >telling me to end my life >I yell whilst crying "Its not that I can't help my immaturity. I chose not grow up, I never will. Because I know if I do grow up I'm gonna realize how terrible everything is" >anxiety takes control >cry >get embarassed >vomit >pass out > I try to kill myself again >My belt is around my neck >My phone on my bed >I feel the belt tighten, I think to myself "Its finally happening. For you Sophia. " >hear something amidst my crying >my phone >mom > pick it up as fast as I can >she just talks, I hear her voice >parents are divorced in at dads house btw >tfw your mom legitimately saved your life >choking back years I don't tell her. schools out now, I just avoided her forever, but I'm not over it. I've hurt her, she's hurt me, but I ha e forgiven her. And if she is worthy of me she'll forgive me. If not, then so be it. I went to inpatient, I go to therapy now, and everything is getting better now. The custody case is still open so there is hope. Good night /b/ros and his bless.
>>692598826 You don't know why he's really doing for, there might be something between them both going on that is the actual problem but he can't just leave. I'm in a similar situation so I understand him.
>>692594557 Text her back man. I didn't date until I was 24, felt the same way until then. Once things started clicking the feelings of emptiness seemed so silly. I know its tough, but just keep moving forwards, it definitely sounds like you have something awesome going for you. USCG? Awesome stuff man.
So guys, today at 4 I'm going to go and talk with my ex-girlfriend who I still love after one year of being separated. This may be the beginning of something new or the end of something old. I am vexed with all of this.
My dad was diagnosed with terminal pancreatic cancer that had spread to his liver about 8 months ago. They said he'd be dead without chemo by christmas, but he chose a different treatment method (Alternative diet and whatnot) for the longest time things were looking great, he was getting way better and even the doctors at Iowa City University were amazed, but about a month ago he went in for them to see how his cancer numbers and they had gotten worse. This month it's been the same. I know he tries to be positive and tries to comfort me, but I can tell he has a hard time believing it, sometimes when we are driving around and he starts talking about it you can hear the sadness in his voice. I dont want to lose my dad, he's one of my best friend. Im not a very successful kid (18) I dont have many friends, ive been depressed since i was young. Never had a girlfriend, never had sex, and all I feel now n days is sadness and loneliness. If it wasnt for the fact that I know if I off myself my dad wont have the will to keep fighting this cancer, then I would have done it months ago. I spend all my time getting high trying to not think about how lonely and pathetic I really am, but it's always at these times of night when i just cant put on a fake smile anymore. I might lose one of the only people that gives a shit about me after 18 years, and I havent done anything to make him proud. Im a pathetic excuse for a son and I dont think ill ever be happy. Im sorry /b/ just needed to get this off my chest, you people are the only ones i can vent to, since everyone who says they are their for me never are.
Call the police idgaf. Can't afford this shit, part of my probation is paying for a $110 a month ignition interlock device that tests for alcohol. I do not need nor can I afford a car right now, and the fucked up thing is that it cannot be uninstalled as long as I own the vehicle. I can't sell my car without someone buying the device and the plan it is leased on. Nobody wants that. Time to go to jail lol
>>692598949 >anyway I finished all her homework, went to bed >next day was Saturday, didn't hear from Annie all weekend >Monday evening she texted me, she turned in all her assignments and I basically saved her from failing the class >I texted back saying basically no problem, and I'd love to hang out with her sometime instead of just texting >I was really fucking happy, it felt like things were turning around for me >I helped her out and she was grateful for it, I could work on being friends with her in a non autistic way >I figured she sort of owed me, and she'd agree to hang out, even just once >that ended up being the last time she ever texted me >after the school year I found out she unfriended me on Facebook >fast forward through two years of depression, cutting, trying to text her back, realizing there was nothing I could do, reflecting on my stupidity, and coming to terms with what happened and here I am now This is the first time I've told that story, for anybody that didn't read the whole story, long story short I was an autistic attention seeking special little snowflake and I pretty much got what I deserved.
I used to cut my self always uh paper arms or chest where people couldn't see it, this went on from sophomore year to first semester at college. I always knew it was stupid but it was the only coping mechinisim I had. Picked up smoking and managed to stop cutting. I'm still slowly killing my self it's just in a more socially acceptable manner. And I just can't find it in me to care. Never told any one this, just felt like sharing would help.
>>692603878 Yea, I've gone past it. It took me until grade before I could read 30 wpm fluently. Was the kid chosen to read, and would take the whole class period. It's incredible how,many times I've said fuck or shit, on purpose or not and gotten away with it. People wouldf intentionally give me papers that showed a picture of a stihl chainsaw, and say "Anon what does this say" but I would just go with their home and say shitl and it killed me insidee that was why I had friends is because of that.
>>692604603 My family is thankfully fairly well off so they gave me a private tutor for all of middle and high school. Ended up actually passing all of my high school classes the first go round despite half of them being remedial. I've always been good with words too I just can't math or science or art very well.
>>692600849 spend the next however many months your dad has with him all day, and take time to learn things you didn't know about him and enjoy all the moments you want to have with him. be open about everything about yourself and make the best out of what you have with him while hes here. let him go out with some positivity and knowing that you love him anon
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