Ill try and post my first greentext story it was when i was young > be me, about 13 > be living with grandma and parents > casual day playing vimeo games > grandma and her sister came home from casino > hear yelling > lolwut.jpg > dad busts in my room says pack your shit > suprise road trip? > aunt blocks my door as i try and leave > youfuckingwhat.jpg > with clothes in hand fucking ram into her > goes on for a while > break free and out in hall with dad > mom had late shift > more yelling > imheretoo.wav > me and dad fucking run to alley not too far from house > forgot about mom > break into our own house to get shit > dad gets keys > tries to get us out of there with car > im 13 > fucking run to nearby bushes and call po po because im white > parents and grandma hate me now > get neglected for a while and cry self to speep for a month
Told a friend of mine who I've had a crush on for a while now how I feel, and she said that she likes me too. Problem is, she's starting at a uni that's 6 hours away in a month, and we both know that a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
I know it's nothing special or anything, but it's going to be hard letting go. Especially when I know that there could've been something between us.
I have been desperate really badly to get a girl after I had some pretty big breakups over the last year. The only problem is, the only girl who I have had success with for more than a couple months is a really ugly good christian girl type. I didn't date her the whole time I knew her but she has been obsessed with me since I met her, and I figured why not right? After all my dream girl is the preppy blonde, but no this girl is full stereotypical tumblrina. I have "dated" her for three days now and I hate it so goddamn much and I made a mistake but I know that if I end it I will hurt her so badly
I just don't know what to do, /b/. I DO NOT want to spend my life with this girl, nor more than a week, but I am sort of desperate, but then again using her for just sex until I can get on my feet and date a real girl, that just might hurt her more. But dear god do I hate talking to this girl more than I ever have.
>>692411219 If you really hate your life that much, try to make the world a better place. Do what you can to make people happy. I know it's not uplifting to hear this, but at least you know you're doing something good. And hey, people around you might start to think more fondly of you, which in terms might make you more happy.
>>692414817 just lose your nice guy attitude and slip into degeneracy dude. Your already on the right path browsing /b/. Pretty soon you can be stringing along an ugly/desperate bitch while trying to get quality pussy with no moral qualms whatsoever.
>>692414983 what is true love? Like everyone with an actual long term relationship says that it takes a lot of hard work and compromise. And if you're so monstrous do something about it instead of just whining. Though obviously you might be mentally ill in some way and therefore are most likely a lost cause anyway.
>>692415111 See I am already a degenerate. I've lost count of the girls I have fucked over and the past year was the year I changed that so I could be the nice guy. I do miss being fucking evil but like, idk its hard to get back into the groove of not caring anymore after trying so hard to care.
>>692415319 Okay girl is pic related. Imagine that but she is also fucking obsessed with you. Like stalker level. And she texts you literally every half hour just to say hey. Like not even to talk about anything. It's pure torture to me. She is the one on the right
>>692415162 Keep that to yourself. Outwardly be a douchebag hit it n quit it alpha male. She wants to be dominated, she doesn't wanta male bff really. Dunno m8, crazy world we live in playing this little mating game.
im doing terrible. my best friend in the world lied to me after we had plans all day and went and hung out with this faggot that each and every person in our high school despises. so much so i refuse to hang out with his fucking degenerate worthless ass when he tells me to "slide through".
>tl;dr wigger faggot ruining my best friend, turning him into a fucking dumb cunt. someone tell me im overreacting to not chill with him for the rest of the summer because ive given up hope on all people and essentially want to give up hope on life and make music until i get the courage to kill myself
>>692413910 It is not nothing anon. Pain is pain despite the events that led to it. That being said it is likely she will meet someone else. It's just the way things go but it's just as likely you will too.
>>692410407 That pic actually says quite a lot about how I've felt for a majority of my life.
I've wanted to die for as long as I have active memory. I really don't know when it started, but it was somewhere around 11 or 12, maybe a little earlier. Every single day, all day, I just wanted to die. By high school I had written several suicide notes and nearly attempted it but there were always concerns over how. No access to a gun or anything, and I knew enough to know that 90% of wrist slashing or overdose attempts fail and I absolutely didn't want to wake up after an attempt. I would walk around with my friends and as they talked I'd fantasize about walking in front of every car that drove past. It'd be so easy to do, but I always stopped myself because I couldn't imagine doing that to the driver. Eventually I tried to hang myself in tenth grade, but unbeknownst to me the tree was most of the way towards dying and the branch snapped. Still wanted it every day, but never tried again.
I'm 24 now, and I've generally hidden these tendencies, but at my age people talk a lot about plans. When they ask me it's hard to just lie. I say things like "I don't know, can you really imagine being as old as 35?" It's started a few arguments, I guess I never realized how different my thinking was.
I'm caught in a grey area between living or killing myself. The only thing positive in my life is this one girl I just recently started hanging out with. She's the first person that makes me feel human in I dont even know how long.
>does anybody know why i cant become interested in anybody even as a friend, male or female? everyone and everything bores me. am i smoking too much weed, or am i just depressed as shit and dont realize it?
>>692416538 Ive never tried it, atleast yet but I see how you feel, right now everything is empty for me except making her smile, its all that matters to me and thats what is basically saving me from jumping off a roof
>>692414983 You will find love anon. Statistics are on your side. In any case you may find love when you have a child. It may not be what you are talking about but it will definitely mean something to you.
>>692416763 sounds like somebody is gonna start living for another person. Sounds like someones gonna wind up leaving a suicide note with the girls name in it saying she betrayed him. Sounds like this nigga needs to get on some meds and stay on them for the rest of his life
Being the beta cuck I am, I buggered out of relationships since my last rejection (going on a year or more relationshipless now), so can't relate there. Iñ other news, my friend just had his best friend die in a car wreck. The day his cast comes off (he had broken his arm earlier this year), he loses his best friend to a act of chance.
You want feels ? i juast left my psychologist today and im probably insane and i have no clue how to keep my life going. The worst thing is that i would never kill myself. I understand why ppl do it but i just don't feel like it
>>692416465 Ah maybe a lost cause then. Find another, talk to random girls that look your way or smile at you. Don't get into a depression over it, keep it moving. You hooked a fish n she got away, let it go. Dwelling won't recast your line.
I'm not going to tell someone else not to do it because I fucking hate life, myself, etc. and have just decided to suffer through it, but that's my choice. However, I won't be quiet as you spout pure retardation
First off I love you all and I'm here for you dudes.
Second, I've been pretty low lately. Long story short don't fall in love at a young age. I've been with my girlfriend for 3 years but lately things have been weird. It seems like she's becoming more distant and second guessing our relationship. The back story behind my thinking is long so I may post it.
I just feel like I'm just deadweight keeping her from what she wants in life and she's just afraid to break my heart. We've been on a "break" so to speak the past few weeks. And even though we see eachother occasionally.
Each day I just become overwhelmed with anxiety, and get depressed. I just want things to be okay Bros.
>>692410407 Normally I join these threads feeling like shit, and I use them heavily to vent. So I suppose in this case I'm not here to bitch about my depression, instead I'd like to thank you motherfuckers. You guys have helped me through a number of drunken nights. Not really in the sense I'd kill myself otherwise, just passing the time.
Cheers you messed up motherfuckers. I look forward to seeing you all in hell.
>Girl I'm madly in love with is probably going to stand me up tomorrow night >Isn't texting back when I can see she's online >Last time I went out with my FWB I got to hear about how she's fucking her roommate who she hates >Barely scared off some chad who was trying to pick her up as she was flirting with him >Like come on bitch I'm right fucking here >She still blew me at least >Third girl that I made plans with to forget about the girl I'm in love with removed me from her Tinder before we figured out where we were going >Got a 6/10 who wants it bad >exgf keeps texting me acting like we hadn't been together for a year and she didn't just dump me a few months ago
I think I need to get away from everything for a while
I'm really just feeling the crushing weight of my own existence and really the existence of everything. I'm feeling depressed but, it feels natural like it's just something that is part of life. I feel everyone is at least a little bit depressed in there own way.
>>692418166 It's nice to be looking down instead of trying to crawl out. The only issue is I'm only like halfway up. Enough that I can see the way out, but can just as easily fall back in.
>>692418346 This would be a good way to describe my feelings. Sometimes after being low for so long you begin to question if there ever was a high point. Does everyone feel like this? Could something change?
>first day of freshman year >meet girl >fall in love immediately >she does not feel the same way >we become best friends instead >hurts every time she is with a guy >always gets hurt and comes to me >she finally decides to give it a try >deny her, won't be a second choice >stop talking >I move school >go to uni >she goes to same uni and same major >we start again >I'm a piece of shit person >dump her to save her >can't deal with seeing her >move 2200 miles away >8 years since I've met her and I cannot move on >don't know if I will I know it's a shit story because I left a lot out but I'm doing well in every sense of the word. Going to a top uni, good grades, financially stable, fit, on my way to leading a successful life. But none of it means a thing since I do not have her. All because I could not stop hurting her.
>>692416538 I've made a pact with a few others that if we reach our 40's without being comfortably wealthy we are going to kill ourselves. Life isn't worth living if you don't have money to have fun with.
>>692417813 I understand the hurt anon but it is time to cut your losses and move on. Once you know it is over, it is over. It will hurt, probably for a long time but at least you will know it was what was right. Things will be okay, I guarantee it.
>>692419039 Moving on is hard, Anon. Unfortunately I have no tips I can provide on actually doing so, or making it easier, because There are two people I hold so dearly in heart it hurts to think about, and I simply can't let go.
It is great to hear you're doing well in other aspects. Have you met anyone else you're interested in at all?
>>692417983 Get away from it then anon. You have more control over your life than you know. If these people are not good for you then there is no reason to hold on, Unless you can use them as a take of leave type people it is only going to be pernicious for you to have them in your life.
>Be me >13, Beta as fuck with very few friends >After 9 years I stop getting bullied >Start to open up more, but I have never trusted anyone ever >Be real cautious with who I became friends with >Get a nice gang of friends going, we get along well as the rejects >I brought us all together and I'm happy >Meet this girl who is noone special yet I instantly fell for her. >Gets frienzoned quickly because she has a bf >Thatsfine.jpg >Stay as her friend >Things keep getting better and better >I open up more, share a piece of myself with others >2 years later, 15 beta cuck >Given a 2 page report on "Reasons why you are a faggot" (no joke that was the title) >No more friends because one bitch who we took under our wing didn't like me >Grow distant with this average girl >Get super depressed >Dad fucking dies >Attempt suicide multiple times: ALL FAILED I shit you not when I say I failed at least 5 times >1st time: Hanging-self. Rope snapped >2nd time: Drank bleach. Didn't work >3rd time: Drank more fucking bleach. WHY AM I NOT DEAD >4th time: Jump in front of a fucking car. WHY DID I NOT EVEN GET A BLOODY BRUISE >5th time: Cutting throat. Pussied out. >Super depressed, goto counciling >Start having medicine given to me >Extra info: Dad died in front of me, couldn't do nothing. Watched the man as he hopelessly died >Start seeing dad outside my bedoom (that's where he died) >Bitch says sorry and my friends are there for me again >mfw they all secretly told me that they realised how much of a cunt they all were and wanted her out >Got friends back, still don't have girl >Go through school, she dates multiple guys and I date like 2 girls >Get to end of school, not even a kiss goodbye (she's in the year below) >feesbadman.png >Fast-forward to now >I have very few mates left, and this girl is drifting far away >Off the pills, just accept the depression >Constant feeling of drowning in sorrows >I only realised recently that throughout this time, i've loved her and her only killme
>>692420053 I now spend my days playing DotA, jobless, almost friendless and living on £20 of food per week for 3 people. I wanted to become a game dev to make sure no on e ever felt like this, or so that I could help people run away from this feeling. My motivation has dropped to a new low. Barely get out of bed anymore, cannot find reason to live.
>>692419655 And yet one of my greatest friends has never had a problem in his life. To the extent he has a god complex. I've known him for almost half my life now and he has never acknowledged hardship, sadness, or anything of that nature. I have never felt entitled to happiness, in part for questioning if I deserved it for so long.
What brings you here, Anon?
>>692420055 What do they stem from? Personally I enjoy listening to A Liar Wrote This by The Bunny The Bear. By no means does it make me want to kill myself, but it does make me think on past relationships.
>>692419512 I just wanted to vent. I've gotten a lot of advice but at some point people expect you to do what you know damn well you cannot; move on. Every now and then I find someone that I feel can help me escape the future I have long seen myself having and every time it never leads anywhere. I've just stopped trying. I'm just going to focus my life on my profession which is a pretty desolate one to begin with.
>>692418090 Me too. I feel you man, I'm three years graduated from high school and have done fuck all with my life to be worth my weight in gold. She's always telling me "oh my friend is moving in with her bf or some shit" and I just sit back and think what a waste I am. Part of the reason we went on this breAK so I could work out myself. I have applied, and also got my first class drivers liscense (G1) finally but still I don't feel good enough for her. There's so much better than me out there.
>>692419412 I don't have the heart to break things off myself. And I can't even talk about us because I'm afraid of saying yhe wrong things and making things worse. I'm just playing this by ear for now.
>>692421446 I know I'm not going to change your mind. Just let this echo in your mind. IT'S OVER You know it, she knows it, everyone in this thread knows. It's just a waiting game. However, I do wish you the best.
>>692421203 Im 2 years out of highschool and ive just completely fucked up in community college which is stressful enough but this girl ive been hanging out with recently is so perfect like she seems like the only other person in the world everyone else just doesnt feel real if that makes any sense. btw if anyone feels similar to me watch this movie
>my dad died christams eve 2010, didn't phase me much then, i was distant from him >he was a good man, retired navy, reformed delinquent >my sister and my mom were understandably shellshocked >christmas blew ass, Black Ops for PC >stay upstairs all day for years to this day
Fast forward to September '14 >sister comes home with new BF >tall hillbilly, smooth talker, chill dude >had his weed card so +5 >he comes over to the house sometimes >they just chill in my sister's room >I remember every time he'd come I'd smell weed for a while then this weird chemically smell >I'm maybe twelve, thirteen, so I'm not getting suspicious of anythinge else going on Cont.
>>692420521 what brings me to feeling that I shouldn't feel entitled to happiness? Well I kind of just feel that as humans we do a lot of really bad shit and we are really egotistical to think of ourselves as more than just animals. idk i guess I don't really know how to answer that question.
Hey guys, underage fag here, before I get b& I just have something to say and want to end it with a question.
I can't seem to find a reason why anyone would want to wake up everyday, go to work, come back home, eat a meal that you've had in the same rotation for a year, fuck the same bitch you've been fucking forever, then repeat.
Maybe I'm different, but I can make plenty of friends if I was just willing. I consider myself a "cool" guy if the word "cool" has any true meaning underneath all the faggot posers. Among many of my peers they consider me their friend; the problem is that I can't say the same. I limit myself to 3 friends that live half way across the country from me. I just literally fucking hate everyone. Everyone is phony and annoying and it genuinely pisses me off.
Being at home is even worse than being at school. At school I have something that occupys my time. At home I sit at home, text my friends, play vidya, and blast music until my neighbors are convinced they live next to niggers.
It doesn't help that after being on 4chan since I was 12 - now I am 16 - that I don't even feel anything anymore. Gore isn't disgusting to me, nothing is funny to me anymore, nothing arouses me anymore, and nothing makes me happy anymore besides Freaks & Geeks.
>>692421572 I completely understand the social customs. It is rarely done out of malicious intent. Hell many of them are likely in the same situation as you just with different people assign to each role. It can be tiresome but it does not mean you have to be a part of it. I belong to a social circle that acts in much the same way and while I am all their friends and we hang out, I stay away from the drama and believe me there is a lot. You are capable of the same.
just graduated from high school and its just starting to sink in that im now part of a really fucked world as it is. also got a crush on a girl in my grade but dont have the confidence to ask her out..... im kind sad...
>>692420946 When someone has impacted your life in a major way that person has, in a sense, become a part of you. It's literally like losing a piece of yourself. That would logically be hard to move on from.
>>692421053 Sadly I have nothing I can really recommend for that. The only other albums I frequent are by Mushroomhead. M3 and XIII specifically. That being said, I don't know your tastes, and I'm aware mine are rather shitty.
>>692421910 Happiness is a basic human emotions. Everyone deserves happiness. Sometimes it's just hard to convince myself of that.
>it snows in my city >everyone's freaking out (Southern California) >My mom's in Sacramento for a few days with her BF >Sister's boyfriend is over >we decide to scrounge together money to buy some weed >gather $50 >they leave to go pick up >about 4 hours later, they come back with like two grams of bud and they look trashed >not stoned though >12/3 year old me isn't skeptical >they hang out in our garage a lot >i don't ever go in there, unless I need to do laundry cont.
Newfag who doesn't know how to greentext. Also story is of me being a total puss but it makes me sad. >Be me, about 18 months ago. >Moved cross-country for girl I met online two years prior >Breakup happens about year and a half in. Many reasons for it; Almost constantly broke, major death in her family, we keep taking our stress out on each other >Can't move out immediately since I have to move cross-country back to hometown. >She decides to go on vacation with a few college friends. I get apartment to myself to a week. INB4 timetofap.jpg jokes >She comes back a week later. Still every bit as edgy and bitchy as she was before >Mass arguing ensues. Ends with her crying hard af >I try to console her by hugging her. One thing leads to another and make-up sex happens >We decide we can make things work, try to have another relationship. I'm happiest I've been since I moved. >She decides to confess post-coitus that she had a threesome during her vacation with ex-BF and his fiancee >Still thinking with my boner, don't really think about it too hard. Just glad we're back together >As time goes on I start to think about what she said. We were only broken up a couple days when threesome happened. >Begin to become paranoid and distrusting of her. Was this a spur of the moment thing? Would this have happened if we didn't break up? >Start trying to be alpha when she's around other guys. Instead come off as a total douche >Her ex-BF tries to talk to me to get me over this. Dunno what they were expecting, I take about every opportunity to be a cunt >Even tell her mom about this, they begin to argue about it. Don't really give a fuck at this point >Unsurprisingly this leads to second breakup. Don't even care anymore.
Call me a total puss if you want. I loved her but I just couldn't look at her the same anymore after she told me that. Everything about the new relationship just felt hollow and token.
>>692422751 shoot myself or live? I shot myself because everything seemed to be going wrong at the time, and I lived because I got attention quickly and I didn't manage to fuck my brain up somehow >>692422845 I used a .357
>>692420127 >I feel people find true happiness not when they most need it but when they do not. this just changed my life, this is everything ive been searching for. i knew there was a reason i still came here. what is your name anon? thank you
>>692421922 Life is not overrated. I will not speak to you as if you are young because I hated when people treated me like a child at your age even though I knew more about life than many adult but you still have a lot of life to live. It's not all going to make sense know but if you go to uni you'll see a completely different world where you can find something to do at any hour of the day. And who says you have to live a routine life. Then once you have kids everything changes. If you found no meaning in life before now you have every answer as to why anything has happened to you. Do not give up.
Four black dudes snuck up behind me as I was opening my front door, they invaded the house and then they murdered my father. The police found video evidence they followed me home. I identified the killer and two accomplices in a lineup today. There were 20 witnesses, it took hours for each one to view each lineup - apparently they're all fucking high school kids. 17 and under. I had to sit in a soundproof room between lineups so I couldn't tell the other victims that these people had murdered someone and bias their identifications. They wouldn't say that's why, but I know that's why.
His band is playing for the last time right now, something they did basically every week since before I was born. I can't handle it, I just keep crying. As this goes on I keep getting less and less sad and more and more angry, I'm frightened of how angry I'm becoming. I don't want to disappoint anyone, I don't want to become the people who hurt my family but I'm just so angry.
>>692423279 I went to a uni as a trip because I was there for an Interscholastic League thing and it all felt depressing. I'm not sure if I want to go anyways. My Business and Finance teacher told me that college is useless because degrees mean nothing when companies want hands-on experience.
>>692422569 >the day after they pick up, I need to do some laundry >go to garage >door's locked >go to unlock it >doorknob has been reversed so the room locks from the inside >i say whatever and jack off
Now this is where my slow ass started to piece things together.
>it's like february 2015 >sister says she's going to BF's house and she'll be back >the next day she's not home >or the next >or the next >or the next >a week and a half passes and she comes home >she's lost weight and she spaces out >she doesn't form sentences right >fuck.png >don't say anything to my mom about her state >she goes to her room and I go to mine >she yells bye and idk why she's leaving >i look out my window and see her leave in BF's car >she doesn't come back the next day >or the next >or the next >or the next >two weeks pass and I get a message on Facebook >it's my sister asking for some money >i say yes, like a retard >she comes over and she looks like dogshit >chapped lips >sunk-in, yet puffy, glazed-over eyes >she's trashed, man >reluctantly give her $10 >she leaves again >she does the whole 'come over for a second then leave for two weeks' thing for a while >My mom gives her an ultimatum: >His house or ours >she chooses his >she leaves cont.
>>692421922 Honestly, life is what you make it. Yes it's absolutely pointless, I take it more as "if everything is worthless anyway I might as well enjoy myself". Hell, if I lost my job tomorrow I'd be a stereotypical NEET.
I think everyone has that phase where they realize life is pointless and attempt suicide. I've done it. Everyone I know has. Usually in their middle/high school years. And I'm not too happy that my meaning of life is "eh, fuck it", but it's good enough for me. For what it's worth, I hope you get past your depression too, anon.
Pic semi-related. Just wanted a nice thumbs-up pic, found this lovable loser. Couldn't resist
Life isn't overrated. There isn't a simple criteria that you can check off periodically, tally up your total energy, and then analyze the cost/benefit ratio to determine its "rating" like some dividend. People may use quantifiable methods to reinforce their own narrative about life ("I'm on the right track", "I hate my life") but that isn't actually what's happening.
If you think you can simply detach yourself from life as a concept by promoting the idea that you are righteously insular then you'll most likely want for deeper appreciations of others in general. Denying the potential connections you may have with others because they're "phonies" doesn't exalt your actions, they just demonstrate your capacity to group together entire collectives and simply reject them. If you style yourself as a person who regards truth (and truthfulness) as the mark of a person's character and overall integrity, you shouldn't hold this narrative because it is fundamentally untruthful. "Phony" if you will.
My dad died a few days ago, /b/ros. My feelings have been gone for a while, and I still don't feel anything. I'm getting worried that they shall never return. I truly am a robot. I know I loved my dad, but I feel nothing.
My fear of commitment grew into a fear of human interaction and now I avoid as many people as I can, thinking about the people I could have gotten to know better, the people I could be talking to, and the people I could've loved. But instead I'm stuck here, on the internet, not knowing how to make small talk or meet new people. I wonder if I could've done more with my life so far, if only I hadn't walked away, or joined in a conversation, or not left certain friends for stupid reasons. I wonder if the way things are isn't the way things were meant to be, if only I was less shy, had asked her name, had shown more thanks, had gone a different direction and met somebody new some day. But alas, I am still here, on the internet, wasting my life away when I could be doing so much more.
>>692423971 April 2015 >come home from school >call my boi so I can pick up a 100 sack of weed >go to where my money is >there is no money >no.jpg >mom calls me downstairs >all of our power tools are gone >noo.jpg >and some of her jewelry >NOO.jpg >message sister on facebook >she refutes that she had anything to do with it (she did recently) >turns out she, along with her BF, pawned all our shit and got a sizable check for it >we go to home depot and spend $400 on replacements >still didn't replace all of the stolen shit, but my mom's debit was low and we still needed groceries >my mom thinks one of my friends stole her jewelry at some point >i don't resist >go home >cry
>>692424678 Maybe because you loved him the feeling of loving him was there for so long you became desensitized to the love you had for him? Happened to me anon. I can't feel any real emotions when it comes to my parents.
>>692423052 I'm glad you see the meaning in it anon. It makes it more special in a way too. The name is Joe, a guy who once felt as if he needed to be saved and when the world said "no" I decided to take matters into my own hands. Now I'm thriving.
>>692424533 I've tried to be friends with people through not thinking they're fake and all, but that simply isn't me. Deep down everyone is selfish and you can't change that. My friends and I embrace it and we found a similarity.
Honestly if one of them died I'd probably kill myself. I can't live a day without them.
>>692424853 If you'd be willing to settle for less, I'm sure there's loads of other people here in your same situation. Start a discord, skype, telgram, or kik group. Ask other shy people to join, make some internet pals. Good confidence boost in my opinion, and might add a bit of happiness as well.
>>692423816 If you have the chance to do it then do it. Make your own opinion about it. A school visit is not a large enough sample size. Your teacher sounds like a cuck who barely graduated and which is why he's a teacher. Go to uni, do well, get a summer internship because you are doing well (experience), get a job then life will follow.
>>692425085 Even if you don't mean anything to the world right now (Which is not true, you mean very much to this world). You could always do something to have more of an impact on someone, talk to people who are lonely, give food to the homeless, anything to make someone's day better. If they're having a bad enough day, they will never ever forget what you did for them. You matter.
>>692425040 god damnit thats what im trying to do, but i think im going about it in all the wrong ways. no, i think im just not being patient enough. what finally did it for you? time and determination? maybe im still on my quest
>Constantly think that I'm gonna be alone >know it's true >sad anytime I see anyone happy
>things are slowly getting better >accepted my lonliness but it still stings >Befriended cute coworker who's actuall chill as fuck for a grill >Fun hanging out, don't think of her in a romantic way >talks about her boyfriend constantly >reminds me of shit i can't have >the only person in the world who brings me a smile now and again reopens wounds constantly
>Good friend who moved asked if his best lady friend can crash at my place for a few days >gonna be right next to my room >have to spend 3 days showing her around town and get food >Closest thing that resembles a date I've ever had
Great time to have picked to get sober, the fuck do i do eith her?
>>692425329 I'm sure someone is gonna call you a fag for this. At least in my situation you're totally right though. Kind of surprised with how much I can get done by channeling my sadness into something productive. Besides I'd probably be happier if I wasn't a fat fuck lol
>Expecting a package from amazon >hear doorbell >hype.jpeg >open front door >sister passed out on the stoop, foaming a bit from the corners of her mouth >nothing but a bra and panties >bf's car squeals and speeds off >I call my mom from upstairs but I'm choking up >I try to pick her up but I can't see through the tears in my eyes >check her pulse, strong beat so we're semi-safe >neighbor across the street stares >fucking scumbag >he goes back inside his house >I don't know what to do but pick her up >she feels like she's 90 pounds >she wasn't fat before, but she wasn't skinny >put her in her bed and try to wake her up >shake her >nothing >get my mom >i'm hysterical at this point, I can't talk >guide her to my sister >my mom has me take her to the car so she can take her to the hospital >do so >her breathing is so weak, I feel like holding her too tightly will kill her >they leave
Am I stupid for hoping I'll meet someone who genuinely cares? I wouldon't kill myself but I want someone who genuinely cares about me and my happiness, wether it be a friend, gf, whatever, to look me in the eyes and tell me I'm the best thing to have ever happened to them. And mean it. I'm stupid, naive, and hopeful. Is that wrong? Will things ever be like that? I want to leave but not before i help other people, and hopefully push some others out of the pit I fell into. I'll be patient. But I have a limit, too.
I'm 33 and have Bipolar 2. It nearly killed me a few years ago, but I went back to school and have a full ride to a local university because I kicked so much ass in community college the past two years (straight A's), I'm essentially getting paid to go to school with all the grants and scholarships.
I'm here because I had a horrible 20's with pill addiction, alcoholism, sex addiction (it's a thing), and just one fucked up relationship after the next. My computer information systems education was made moot by the recession, hence why I am back in school.
So why so glum? Just ended a 20 month relationship with a really cool person. My bipolar2 fucked things up in yet another relationship. I do everything I can to manage it with meds and therapy, but it always comes out and ruins shit.
I'm looking forward to the university this fall, but it's lonely. I don't have but one or two close friends and don't know what I'm going to do when my parents die.
>>692425612 It all started a couple of years ago when I moved here. I go to a small high school and I found that everyone there was horribly disgusting to look at and talk to even so I kept to myself. I think I dislike everyone because I keep such a high standard and relate them to my only few friends. If you were to talk to my friends or I we would all act the same and talk the same. If I find anyone that doesn't meet my expectations I instantly rule them out.
Freaks and Geeks relates to my personal life a lot. Much like Lindsay my family is middle class and I experience no struggles besides personal, and I'm in my Interscholastic League. Then again I find a piece of myself in Daniel in the way that I couldn't give a shit about anything. And the final piece of myself I found was in Ken. Ken describes my personally perfectly. Extremely sarcastic and keep to myself.
>>692426291 I care, anon. These words just helped me realize something about myself. I have never really cared about anything in my life, but I want to care. I want to make a difference and be a decent human being. Hope is good, and you gave me hope. I can't look you in the eyes, but you are the best thing that's ever happened to me.
>>692424678 It will get better but it takes a damn long time. The next year will be rough. Don't isolate. Don't do self-injurious behaviors like eating a shitload of crappy stuff, drinking or using drugs, etc. Just take it one day at a time
>>692421795 Thabks though anon. Like I said I'm just gonna see if things can work out.
>>692421851 Yeah that's what its like for me with my girlfrieND. I think I revolved my life too much around her and I made her think I was too obsessive aND that's why I feel like she's just sparing my feelings.
"Selfishness" as you see it isn't necessarily a precursor to simply disregarding them as people with whom you can develop connections with. Selfishness is dependent on context, particularly social ones. If everybody is fundamentally selfish in your narrative, how do people seem to have lives that they are proud of? You cannot possibly be the only person who is unselfish in your view. The very fact that there exists others whom you would regard as "unselfish" (whatever that may actually mean) demonstrates that there are connections with others you may immediately find fulfilling. Those are connections worth scouting for: nobody is saying you should devote 99% of your time and energy to draw out "good friendship" from every single person. A general awareness of others' feelings and reasons for acting the way they do (and a patience to not immediately dismissing them except when appropriate) however, is something you should develop.
Nobody is suggesting we change inherent selfishness of others--but selfishness isn't the only quality that is to be found. People have awful, redeeming, and neutral qualities no matter where you look. You shouldn't shut off the world because of an almost fatalistic narrative on the subject of human nature.
>>692421851 What happened in community college? There are ways to turn shit around - can you give me details? I help addicts go back to school (usually community college) and know some tips. They fucked up shit hardcore yet still can go back!
I want to leave my girlfriend but she said I am all she has left and would kill herself if I left. The thing is that we are going to different colleges and I'm going to be far away. I don't know how I'm going to keep up with her and school at the same time.
>>692425749 For me I felt as if my happiness was contingent on one person. That drove me a bit mad and my world crumble as a result. Lost most of my friends, got addicted to drugs, went from a straight A student to failing an entire semester of school. I tried to look for help but could not find any. Hit a new low when I started doing heroin. I decided to take matter into my own hands and exploit what I could control. I moved 2200 miles away on my own to a place where I knew no one nor anything about it. Barely made it through the first year. It was difficult but I got back in school got a full time job to hold me over. Now I'm going to Johns Hopkins full ride, have a bunch of money saved, own my own place, car, friends who would do anything for me and life is great. Love will follow but I'm not in any hurry.
>>692421851 I hate to be negative, but seriously don't put her up on a pedestal dude. She's a human being with a fuckton of flaws, like you and the rest of us. Glad to know you got a crush man, I hope it works out. But seriously keep your thoughts in reality. That way if she fucks up it doesn't crash your whole world.
>>692427003 get out of the relationship now. That bullshit where she says she will kill herself is a massive red flag. YOU cannot be the center of her life. YOU need to focus on college. YOU will regret every day of your life if you fuck up your college education due to a partner's bullshit. Get away from her, PLEASE listen to me.
>on my way back inside >bawling >trip on something on my way in the door >amazon prime box >stomp on it and punt it away >slam door >go to my room and punch a hole in a wall >a few hours pass >they come home >sister's totally out of it, but she's awake >she looks terrible, absolutely horrendous >i can't handle the sight of her and I go back to my room >cry, break shit >sleep >wake up, like 3am >hear noises downstairs >hear a door close >same familiar screeching sound >i know i won't see her for a while
>>692427003 Seconding other Anon that says to get out. That is 100% manipulation from someone who can't think of a better reason to keep you with her. And even if she goes through with it, could you be happy with someone literally willing to end their own life just as a big "fuck you"? Find someone better, anon. I was manipulated and abused for years in my last relationship. NOBODY deserves that.
>>692426965 Ive just failed most of my classes while ive been there and i got a letter saying they wont let me take classes next semester. Honestly the only reason im going is because my mom wants me to (its the only way shell let me live here still) im just scared shes going to kick me out
>>692427127 youre right I probably am over hyping her quiet a bit its just weird she makes me feel like nobody else has before.
>I want to leave my girlfriend but she said I am all she has left and would kill herself if I left.
That is textbook emotional blackmail. You shouldn't view yourself as the emotional and psychological support structure of someone who, at some deeper level, fundamentally does not trust your care and seeks to control you.
Threatening suicide to keep you around relies on fear, obligation, and guilt--these aren't byproducts of what she is saying to you so much as they are tools for keeping you (and idealizing you) as someone whom she cannot possibly, genuinely love. You cannot be her Atlas and you will get nothing for it because, deep down, both of you have an awareness that an end is in sight. Now, a week, or five years--it doesn't matter.
You should distance yourself and talk to her family and friends if you feel strongly compelled to do so (or if it would ease your conscience). But you cannot be what it is she has imagined you to be because it's simply not possible.
>met this amazing girl who i work with >she is in a long distance thing and isnt interested in relationships but she likes the attention/benefits from other guys >she tells me other guys constantly crush on her and go after her and who she likes and the like >is fiercely smart and independent seems to be a "coming of age" kind of girl living in the city kind of deal >only see her at work but we hung out twice in the last 2 weeks >the first date goes alright (then sideways from there) and now she seems to ignore me and i dont know if i can even pursue a relationship or a really close friendship anymore >maybe i came on too forward because i like her and want to be with her >maybe she saw me in a different light after we hung out and wasn't into it >feel like i pushed for something that she wasn't or isnt willing to reciprocate.
on one hand i like her for who she is and what she wants but on the other she seems to be doing her own thing and doesn't want to be bothered or dragged down by anyone. Im not even sure what to think of this girl because we're similar in personality but as far as lifestyles and emotions we are complete opposites...looking for honest advice on how to proceed
>>692427628 Why did you fail the classes? What are you majoring in? Having a parent who lets you live with them is a blessing and going to college as the only requirement is not asking much. What do you want to do if not learn something at college and use that trade?
It's true. The big joke is I'm a hikki, 4chan since early 05 or so? I'm 30 and at home...the fact these people followed me, it's all my fault. I just wanted a fucking pack of smokes. I should have a fucking life but I don't. No choice, now. No money to have a choice with and one very alone mother who is now my responsibility. Scared as fuck and I feel selfish for even thinking of myself right now.
>>692427905 Don't shit where you eat. Don't date people you work with. Go on a dating site like OkCupid and go on some dates. You will fuck up some, but at least when you go on the dates you will meet people with (somewhat) clear intentions.
>>692427515 For some. Some people sadly stay at their lowest because they feel they are helpless. If you are the anon from before just focus on what you can control. School and work. Do well at those things and good things will happen. Nothing good happens from hoping for the best because you likely will not get the best, just something that is better than what you had before.
>>692428245 fuck that shit, im going to be famous in music and film or die trying. i swear to fucking god, i will make each and every one of you laugh, cry, and dream one day. it is the only thing i care about and i know what people want. different guy than you think i am, btw
>>692427867 I've tried referring therapy to her mom, but she said they couldn't afford the extra expense. And her mom doesn't help either, she got stuck in a shitty situation when she got pregnant with her and now she takes her anger out on her. Not physically, even though it has escalated there before, but through neglect.
>No word from Sister in weeks >mom says BF is coming down from Sacramento >ok fine >at this point I'm a robot >everything's whatever >fuck weed >fuck skating >fuck eating >contemplate suicide >bf gets there and comes and meets me >I'm playing csgo half-heartedly >makes me teach him to play >while we're playing on the family PC in the kitchen, my sister comes in the house >the absolute worst I'd ever seen her >she looked like a corpse, but somehow more dead >it was the most soul-crushing moment of my life, and I witnessed my dad dying >i can't handle it >bawl and go to the bathroom >meanwhile, my mom and her boyfriend find a rehab >they end up taking her to a place in Anaheim >I didn't know this at the moment >rinse my face and gather my bearings >exit bathroom >empty house, open front door, no cars in the driveway Cont?
>>692427901 Hell, anon. Then just leave. This is a big world. If you are miserable in that place then know that there is nothing there for you now but bad memories. Make that fucking town just a disappearing reflection in your rearview mirror as you drive away.
I was the underage faggot from earlier. I love you /b/ and having these late night feels thread in the summer is truly great and can be very inspiring. I just want you to all know that I appreciate every single one of you no matter what walk of life you're from. Thank you, guys, you're my second family.
>>692428293 You may have some anxiety disorder. Community colleges have special offices for students with special needs. You should go to the campus and talk with this office and the dean's office to work on some sort of plan for success. Community Colleges WANT YOU TO PASS AND GRADUATE. They fucking hate when people fail out because it looks bad for them. What classes have you passed (C or better) so far?
Look, you need to get over there tomorrow and talk to people. You will regret it if you don't. Not only will you possibly lose your place to live, you may not get another chance to go to college.
>>692428380 Being famous in music or film is such a long shot and is not worth the effort. There are a million people just like you, tens of thousands who are better than you and already have connections.
If you cannot fathom a single reason, even one rooted in your own intrinsically selfish desires, to make friends... That's a frightening prospect. Even a selfish person shouldn't discount the idea that "friends = help" because you'll find life very unforgiving if you have no one to help you. It's like you're a sailor and you're just ignoring any other people that (even if they're impermanent) could actually help you find the right course or help you survive a storm. Nobody goes out completely alone and isolated no matter the circumstances unless they have extremely difficult situations--and even then, they try to stay afloat with others.
Even from a very selfish perspective, it's in your interest to make friends to ease the burdens (unexpected or not) you'll face in life. In time, you might actually like them. Who knows.
>>692429180 oh i will, ill drop hints. if not, youll be able to tell from my general demeanor. you always sort of know. thanks for being supportive, youre the first person to do that for me ever. with anything, actually
>>692428199 >>692428846 Third-ed. I'm the guy who got cucked days after breaking up with his GF. It really bothered me since then, but reading up on what some of you guys have been through makes it look silly and trivial in comparison. I'm glad I found 4Chan, it's been very enlightening
Hey Bros, I've been coming to /b/ for 7 years now. I met my fiance here when I started a meet up thread when I traveled to europe by myself. After I moved there for him, he has completely changed. Loses his temper, is bossy, calls me stupid; complete 180 from skype. I left everything behind for this person, I don't have enough money to move all my things back to America. Maybe enough for a plane ticket that's it. I am completely stuck /b/ and might have made the worst mistake of my entire life. I hope for death everyday and maybe at one point I will do it myself. Fuck this shit. But thanks for always being there /b/
When i was around 9-13 idk became friends with this girl my age, green eyed, tanned, she made me really happy and we played video games specially neopets and runescape together she told me she wanted to be my girlfriend when we were bigger and to promise her. I said eww etc, but still promised her and kissed her in the cheek and left. Turns out i was leaving the country and that was the last time i saw her and she left me a note and a drawing that i currently cherish i couldnt stop crying in front of her mom. Now im 25, still love her, lost the note. Seemed like it dissapeared. And found her fb the other day, seems she completly forgot about me.
Too beta to talk to her since i turned out to be ugly as fuck. (Hairloss, grossgore nose and manlet)
If she goes to university, she could see their mental health service. Depending on where you are, if she went through a triage (versus the standard "wait forever for more bureaucratic work") and then was referred to a therapist, she could mention financial difficulties and ask them to waive fees. It's not uncommon.
Of course, the larger thing you should take away from this is how you need to understand the limitations of what you can do with her regard. You cannot be her idealized hero who is the only reason she hasn't fallen into the abyss. It's fundamentally dishonest and manipulative.
At some point, but best with your conscience being clear by your future actions, you have to let go. If you think this is difficult--and it is, don't get me wrong--it will only get harder if you don't learn to protect yourself from dysfunctional relationships.
>>692429556 Break free physically then and hopefully the mental part will follow? I do not know the story but if you can leave you should. I know it is much more difficult that it sounds but not impossible.
>>692429696 I have a little over 4k worshippers on Artemis. Before I found out about SMITE I met a girl named Artemis. I loved her until one day, to put it frankly, she disappeared. I have no idea if she died or ran away, but I never heard anything from her again. We dated for about 2 years before she disappeared.
>>692428380 >>692429287 Call me a huge fag if you want. Been reading a ton of Berserk, and this guy reminds me of Griffith's speech about dreams.
“But there is one other thing more precious to a man beyond all else. Something one pursues for one’s own sake and not for that of any other. A dream... A dream can fortify a man’s life, or it can bring suffering upon it. A dream can make a man feel alive, or it can kill him instead. Even if a man is abandoned by that dream, part of it will remain smouldering in his heart. Every man has envisioned his life in this way, at least once. A life as a martyr to his dream, his God."
Music Anon might be at a huge disadvantage, but I really hope for the best. It's what he wants, and if he has the motivation to see to it, then godspeed to him. In my opinion it's better to have tried and failed than to sit on your ass, wondering what would have been.
Pic related. Look up that scene sometime. It's equal parts inspiring and chilling
>>692429649 No problem. People are shit and want to see others fail. No one thought I would amount to anything now I'm more successful than any of my former "friends". It will be a difficult road as another anon mentioned but it is not impossible.
>be me >be morbidly obese, but overall sweet, funny and friendly person. >go back to early last year >waste most of my time on steam, still do. >get comment from someone, ignore it but add a few weeks later. cont?
>>692429287 nope, i am that guy with connections lol. plus, i have exceptional skills in all areas necessary to excel and know how to cater to what people want to get a name before doing what i want to do in the art world. the average person is wildly unintelligent and unplanned, what you just said is the mindset somebody who is actually hopeless would have. enjoy being nothing for your entire life, though.
>>692427003 This is emotional abuse. You need to get out of that relationship ASAP. Threatening someone to make them stay with you is totally counter to the point of relationships. She needs help but if she's laying it on you you can walk away with a clean conscience. Fuck her.
Wee bit of backstory: I had Tourette's in 4th grade (when my dad died) and I was on a medication called Clonidine/deine. It basically makes you super fucking tired. After my condition went away, I never tossed the pills. Now, back to the story (it's almost over maybe one more post after this)
>go to med cabinet >rifle through, looking for anything that would kill me >find an old CVS bottle >Clonidine HCl, 0.2mg >open it up >there's like fifty of those fuckers >two by two, I take about half the bottle >get really tired after about half an hour >sweetrelease.png >go to sleep >wake up >puke >check time >I skipped a whole day >still no mom or bf >call my mom >they're at lunch >my mom asks why I never came down yesterday or the day before >bullshit.apk July 2015 >get a letter addressed from my sister >long and personal, so I won't post a pic >there was a red token that said one month on it >proud.png
That's it, really. after a couple months, she moved into a sober living home a city over from me, and now she's moving back in. And her ex-boyfriend moved in a couple blocks away. I always contemplate boarding up the doors and windows then dousing it in gas and lighting a match. Fuck that dude. My relationship with my sister hasn't been the same, and I doubt it ever will be. I'm not the same either. Sure I was jaded from my dad's death, and years of chans, but I grew from the whole ordea;. I'm happy sobriety didn't turn her into a nazi, too. I smoke weed to heal deal with afflictions I have ,(glaucoma, depression, anxiety) and she doesn't shit on me for it.
Thanks guys for letting me share my story. The kids at school don't get it. Most of them are bigger dolts than you guys probably think they are.
>>692430616 >talk to person, figure out it's a grill but really sweet, understanding and we have almost everything in common >things continue like this for a while >fast forward to July 2015. >step on scale, see 250. >scared as shit, but determined to become healthy. >at this point i've developed a "cutesy" realtionship with grill, talk to eachother everyday about music, what happened during day. >she still talks to me despite being depressed >i'm depressed as well, we talk about feelings a lot 2 cont?
>>692430893 dude, its not even a big deal. just balance the pH of your blood for like 2-6 months and youre good. i promise this works, can even treat stage 4. i know a guy who has treated someone with wheat grass and one other thing from stage 4 to complete health no remission. stop letting yourself die and get started on that /b/ro!
I'd like to add a few things. First of all thank you for the advice for the anon a that responded and to the one guy in the college I hope things work out for you man
Secondly, Ill add on to what's been going on. So I started letting my Insecurities get the best of me and started acting out on my Overthinking. Like a crazy ex I went through my gfs phone which was probably the worst thing to do considering it lead to a fight about me not trusting her, which is fair cause I should trust her. But I found out via text with her friend thst she wanted to break things off but didn't want to destroy me to the point where I'd kill/hurt myself We talked about that, I said I would never do anything like that I mean I can live without her but I would be miserable for quite a bit. Anyways when I confronted her about it we fought and that's how that break came about. She told me I need to work on myself and she needs some space while she figures out what she wants. After that day we kind of barely texted eachother and we have seen eachother a few times. She went on vacation with her cousin for a week and told me when she gets back she'll see how things are for us. When she got back we got together and she told me she's Content with how things are and believes this break or whatever will make us stronger as a couple. She told me she wants us ti work. I want to believe it but I just keep Overthinking things. Thinking she's cheating, found someone else better than me or whatever it is.
I just don't want to think these negative thoughts. I shouldn't at all but it's hard when all I do is spend each day thinking so low of myself.
I have been contemplating seeing my doctor snd getting a referral to a psychiatrist.
>be me in all 4 years in high school >i wouldn't consider myself popular but i had plenty friends >im the kid that if you see in the class its gonna be a good class >imnotconceited.png >i can guess you can call me the class clown >im the kid that gets in trouble for making people laugh >im the kid that you think hes the happiest kid alive >im not >im not happy with life as i type this >my parents just got divorced >my sister got divorced >find out she had herpes >whaddafuck.jpg >my mom treats me like shit ever since she has been single >what do?
Its also true when people say the happiest people are often the saddest. >
>>692431181 >continue to build confidence in myself. >fast forward to May 2015. >at this point have lost over 50 pounds. >grill wants to start long distance relationship >i agree, but deep down i worry internally that i will fuck up. >things go smooth for a while, but things get a bit rocky. >we begin to argue a bit >most of this is my fault >feel depressed as shit, but keep going. >realize i've come this far. >i've helped this person defeat their depression, and feel wonderful. >i continue to talk to person, despite still worrying. >fast forward to today.
am i doing something wrong here? this person has helped me through everything this past year and i feel like i'm going to fucking ruin it somehow. pls help
>>692431485 hmm, theres a famous place in florida that does this. i know wheat grass is the main one. you need something else that will give you actual sustenance, but i know generally you wont be eating much. think of an imbalance in your blood pH as the fuel for your tumour. once you remove the fuel, there is no more gas for it to go. wheat grass pH balancing to treat cancer, find out everything you can /b/ro. you're going to be alright, this was meant to happen. you are safe once you do this. this has been largely kept out of the press because pharma companies control the press, but cancer isn't even something weve ever needed to worry about. its fucking filth what these people will do, Malthusianist Capitalist scum
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