I haven't been able to find a chick to cheat on my girlfriend with for 4 months now. I miss calling her right after fucking some slut and asking her what she was up to. Makes me diamonds when she says shit like "waiting to see you again" or something like that, meanwhile I was balls deep in another bitch.
>>692272600 I'm about to go into the Marine Corps, yet I'm plagued by the fact that just as I thought I was going to get with the girl that I've had a crush on for years, she turns around and says we can't have anything until I come out of boot camp. Yet my dream was to have somebody to come back to as my own coming out of boot camp, not this shit. It's made me depressed, and I'm going to be getting drunk tomorrow because of this.
>>692274077 who cares, friends aren't always going to be people you have a deep interpersonal relationship with. Sometimes they are just people you go to a club with or fishing and talk about superficial shit. If you luck out you'll find a legit friend but don't try to only make friends like that or you'll be friendless most likely
>>692274592 It just seems really douchy and even if I wanted too, I can't get out of my room without help, I'm in a fucking weelchair. >tfw most bars and clubs don't have weelchair access >tfw my only friend is celebrating her birthday in a bar >tfw I can't go 'cause weelchair I should kill myself aswell and hey, I still have atleast 60 years to live.
>>692274907 I often think of how crippled people have the will to live. They are basically just taking up space. I guess we all are, but at least the rest of us hide behind our programming (children)..
That's the only reason I'm still around. To give mother hope. But I'm not my brother. I feel completely unprepared to go through life alone. After all, we grew up together. In the same culture, same interests, we could understand each other with a word or two.
We had common projects. The fact I was helping him gave me the energy to work non-stop and barely sleep, so we can get things done int time.
Now I can't find the energy to get up in the morning.
>>692275151 Means you were bad in bed and she's been around the block. Not a loss for you friendo she was a whore anyways. At least you got some practice in for your next one and you might last a minute this time.
I don't have many stories to tell of him because I forgot but I really miss my uncle, he's been missing for 2 years now which isn't something to be surprised about since he is a hobo at this point but still, really pulls my heart strings at times.
>Be 4 >Got a GB for christmas, those things were sturdy as fuck >Mike (who was living with my family at the time) was the one who bought me my first game. >Pokemon Blue (I still have that cartridge, fuck me) >Get really into it. It was a serious mistake giving me Pokemon as my first vidya. >Mike sees this and works overtime for two weeks so he could get his own GB with Pokemon Red. >We get to trade and stuff and I inevitably finish the game thanks to his help. >We even had battles sometimes, he'd always win because he was older and knew how to strategize but it was a blast still.
>Turn 5 >Get a N64 for my birthday. (I later found out that Mike was originally getting it for himself but remembered that it was my birthday so he bought it for me and said that my parents got it.) >My Mom bought Super Smash Bros. and The Legend of Zelda: Ocarina of Time. >Jesus christ the hours I drained into those two games. The hours that me and my uncle would drain into fighting in SSB. The hours I would drain into LoZ trying to solve puzzles. >Those few times when I needed Mike's help to finish a part of a dungeon because it was either too hard or scary. >He ended up buying Super Mario 64 eventually and we both had a save file, we raced to see who could beat the game first. >I won, it was my first real Vidya achievement and even now I remember the feeling I got when I beat the game.
There are a few other stories that I can think of but they're really short.
I'm posting his mug shot (was taken a year or so ago when he was trespassing) in case anyone has ever seen him recently. I really miss the dude.
>>692275226 Male, I got hit by a fucking car, paralyzed from the waste down. >>692275385 I work and I have a 4 year old son, I have some reasons to live, atleast for now. I love my job and my son. His mother didn't want him, so she abandoned him at my doorstep. >>692275430 You'll learn how to go through life, but you aren't alone, you still have us, the cancerous shithole we call 4chan and /b/ and you still have your mom. The pain will go away slowly, it always does
>Family died, buried both my parents and grandparents >Schizophrenic brother disappeared to join some religious cult. >Lost my friends. >Got an undiagnosable nerve disease that is getting worse. >Got addicted to heroin due to said shitty life >Alone and hating myself
You guys just whine about girls all the time, there is far, far worse shit that can happen to you. Be glad you have your health and your families because I have neither.
>>692276307 She has a history of a light mental issues, but stable. We have been together for 2+ years, currently living together. Im more unsure of myself than her tbh, im cronically afraid of commiting to anything (education/specialization, housebuying etc), but nearing old age and afraid of ending up in a shit job cause no proper education.
>>692276191 Thought about it, really really thought about it for a long time.
I am pretty sure I am going to die soon anyways. It is starting to look like I have ALS. I have been checked for MS, CIDP/GBS, Polio, Muscular Dystrophy, b 12 deficiency, Ehlers Danlos Syndrome...Everything. ALS is diagnosed by ruling everything out and guess what...Everything else has been ruled out.
>>692276697 Unless she's got some humiliation fetish no chick is going to tell you straight to your face you were bad in bed. Also you went Betamax asking her so. Probably why she left you. Gonna need to sprout some testosterone if you wanna keep a girl fam.
>>692276624 Well, depends on the mental issues. you'll pull through. Worst case scenario you'll become a guy like me, minus beeing paralyzed from the waist down. I work from home, sometimes play with my kid (We play Torchlight and cs:go, I'm a shitty parent I know) and drink myself to sleep daily.
>>692276984 >Well, depends on the mental issues. you'll pull through. Worst case scenario you'll become a guy like me, minus beeing paralyzed from the waist down. I work from home, sometimes play with my kid (We play Torchlight and cs:go, I'm a shitty parent I know) and drink myself to sleep daily. acute paranoid psychosis duo to lack of sleep/stress. She is ok now, just need to know her boundaries. Meds help. Honestly you sound like a fine dad, your kids will know you did your best when they get older. My personal fear is being a total loser - no proper job/salary, and being forced to work a shit job for the rest of my life cause of having kids..
>>692277237 >Grow up everybody, shit. I think we didn't plan any of this when we were kids. I feel grown up as knowing now not everything isn't black and white. And no matter what were going to die filled with sadness. question is when, and how soon can it happen.
>>692277528 What do you work as man? And does your gf work too? And then she's a keeper, unless she starts to belive that you are a stranger if it kicks in again. And try to climb the slippery slope that is getting a better job/salary. And you don't have to worry about getting a house/getting kids just yet, in a few years you should.
>>692277740 Dude, I had a crush on her since my junior year, and I'm a sophomore in college now. Going into the Marines and what not, and thinking that she's going to be on my arm the whole way. Yeah, I have a chance to get her, but I feel like I just need to open up and fucking talk to someone about it, and my best friend is stationed in Texas going through Advanced Individual Training. I have like nobody to talk to about this, and I feel like it's fucking with me so hard.
>>692277979 Currently working fulltime in a school districk, low level IT / supporting the staff - local computer magician. OK for the pay, so very boring. GF just finished her masters degree, currently looking for a job. She is a keeper yeah. I guess I have to climb that slope, not that I dont think I have the knowledge, but going back to school with all the 19 y/o as 30 is killing me beforehand. I have a bachelors degree & started my masters, but dropped out some years ago. Dont want to pursue that degree, but wanting to learn how to code... I miss being good at something, being able to "produce" something (if it makes sense)
>>692277044 Eh. If you're having sex for pleasure then it doesn't matter how long you last, really. If there's emotions involved and you care for the girl it's different, and she'll love you for it. If it's just some whore then fuck it.
>>692278439 Go for the masters man, it'll help you in life. My son just came up to me asking if I'd want to play Civ5 with him against bots... >He doesn't want to go outside and play with our neighbours. >He wants to play games with me I'm starting to tear up, fuck...
>>692278815 >Go for the masters man, it'll help you in life. Thanks for the advice man, but I have tried a few times to go back, cant seem to do it. I feel like I need to learn a craft (to code), as I cant do shit. Getting that masters will net me more money, sure, but I will still do work I dont really want to do. I have a fragile hope that by learning a craft, I might be able to go to work and be a little more happy by being able to produce something, do some hobby projects etc. Glad to hear about your son, he has great taste in games aswell :)
My father died in a car accident a month ago and since then I've been trying to go out and do more and be a sociable person like he wanted me to. But nobody how many friends and people I meet I still feel like I've done nothing with my life. I don't wanna go into details unless someone actually gives a shit but im so lost right now and I have no guidance or direction but my own, which is sorely lacking.
>be me >have long distance gf >solid 9/10, easily the best girl I've ever met >she lives halfway across the country from me >we have cyber like as much as possible >awwwwyiss.gif >anxiety makes me worry about her a lot, about what she's doing, and it makes me really clingy >depression makes it hard to maintain the relationship sometimes and I generally run out of energy sometimes >parents tried several times to break up the relationship >she wont be able to make it down here for about 4 years or so >meanwhile still IRL virgin >constantly worried about getting cucked by Tyrone McDindu Ah, the things we deal with for love. And sex. But mainly love.
>>692279492 It's not my place to say anon but there 99% chance it will fail. I tried that shit in high school once and it was just awful, pretty much thought all the same stuff you did so I broke it off after awhile. 4 years is too long for someone so far. But it's up2u mate
>>692279172 He plays the same games as me so no wonder. And if you don't feel happy with coding, try to look for something else that you'd like to do in life, while still working. It's a pain, but it could help >My friend just called me, saying she's coming over to celebrate with me and Paul (naming my son Paul 'ere because I don't want to post his real name). >She sounded like she's already shitfaced Should I let her in? I don't want my kid to see her drunk, since she's helped me with him alot.
>>692279703 Yeah, I'm honestly trying my best to keep this relationship for both our sakes. I know I'll probably never find anyone as amazing as her, and no one I interact with is really into me except for her. She's the only one of my 3 total girlfriends who has been able to deal with my shit this long. We've been dating on and off for about... Let's see... A year and a half now? Only reason we ever broke up was my parents. We got back together asap.
>>692279706 my masters wasnt in coding, but public administration, but I hope starting over with coding could function as a hobby aswell as a potential job in the future. Times ticking though, not getting any younger :/ Maybe call her up and explain your doubt to her? sounds fun though
no matter what i do, i am never good enough for the women that I would like to be with and I also find it difficult to ever think i could live up to the expectations of others, whether they are parents, bosses, or women.
>>692280008 I don't know man, from my experience nothing good comes of it. But if you really believe you can hold it together and be that patient then go nuts. Just keep in mind it's easier to lie to someone when you don't speak to them face to face
Before I met her I didn't know how to meet and talk to people, which made finding someone to love difficult. The thing about being alone is that it does things to you. I started hating everyone, seeing other people happy just made me feel worse about myself. I would always walk at night alone and convince myself that I was better off alone, that I was safer that way.
It seems so simple for everyone else. I always said to myself, "If I ever found someone to love, I would treat her like a princess and never let her feel unwanted". I forced myself to meet new people, and hid any aspect of my real personality.
Until I met this girl, at first she didn't like me and I wasn't interested in her. But as I spent more time with her, we grew closer. Eventually we were studying together, eating together, and enjoyed each others company.
Because I was alone for so long, it took me a while to trust her completely. She would always wonder why I didn't talk to her about what I was like before I met her. I finally gave in and told her. How the loneliness had made me bitter and resentful, and how it took all of my effort to even talk to people. And then she did the most amazing thing.
She accepted me for who I was.
We became more serious after that, I met her family, and got to know them even better than my own. I was invited to family events, like Christmas, birthdays and anniversaries, and I invited her to my graduation, and 21st birthday. Of course it was uncomfortable at first, but after a while, I became another member of the family. Everyone was always happy to see me.
It got to the point where I didn't want things to change, I was happy with my life. I was even looking at wedding rings and thinking about marrying that girl. Until one day.
She received a job offer in another city, and moved away. She said that we were strong enough for a long distance relationship.
>>692280097 Whatever works for you man, just as long as you feel happy, that's the point in life, atleast how I see it. Every person tries to become happy, some fail, some succeed. I already did, she said that she'll sober up while getting to here, the bar is on the other end of town. I live in Riga, Latvia, so she might actually sober up a little bit. >>692280138 He's only 4 years old, I'm pretty sure he hasn't even thought of drinking anything we both drink (me and Kate, Kate beeing this fem friend, fake name again).
>>692280351 Hey, better in this long distance sexual frustration fest than alone. Even if she's not here, at least she loves me, and that's something. Better than most everyone else I know. I'll be honest, though, it's only easy to hold because I know no one is interested. There's no real temptation to cheat, you know?
>>692278420 I had a chicktell me she wasn't interested anymore 2 weeks into basic after months of messing around. You will get over it you just need to think about why your doing it and who you'll let down if you fail. Once you get to your duty station find a new one.
>>692280596 lel im not saying he drinks now, im saying use her potential drunk ass personage as a controlled event to inform your child that drinking should be done in moderation. 4 year old kid will probably take it to heart, just don't demonize it so he gets all prudish about it. All things in moderation nigga
>>692280797 That helps a lot more than what tons of the people I'm around daily have told me. Thanks dude. I'm gonna be hoping on this girl not up and ditching me, since she said she'd be monogamous to me, yada yada, she wants to date me and what not, so I'm not against seeing where it goes. Especially since in the meantime I can focus on training. But if anything, I'll just find shit wherever I go.
Besides, I hear that at Academy you have girls practically banging down your door to fuck anyways.
I hate to sound like a faggot but fuck man i need to tell someone
i can't get clean no matter what and it fucking sucks, i stop drinking leads to me using meth again, then i start drinking again tenfold I just don't know what i wanna do, i can't afford treatment cause i have like 70 bucks to my name
I feel like i should just give in and tell someone in my family
ive been having chest pains all night and i haven't slept since i drank last which was 2 nights ago
>>692281110 Just don't get stuck with a barracks rat, and i suggest you be wary of a long diatanve relationship. Your job will be stressful enough without havingto worry about her "hanging out" with other guys. Be strong /b/ro and get through your training.
>>692272600 >Quit job to go home for the last few months of summer to enjoy myself >Have plenty of money saved up >Not even a day after I quit I get into a car accident >Not my fault >still going to have to shell out a $500 deductable
Life is fucking hilarious at this point, no matter how prepared I am I just get fucked relentlessly by the universes 420 kilometer penis
>>692281307 Exactly. Better anything than nothing. Better the dim flickering flame than the crippling darkness of being alone. Because god damn it, she makes me fucking happy. And that emotion is one I've been feeling less and less of. Even our relationship is starting to suffer a tiny bit. I'm starting to lose my emotions, /b/ros. And I'm scared. I come to these threads because they remind me that I'm a fucking human. That I can feel. I just want to be happy, guys... Why is that so hard...?
>>692281640 just sounds like your living for another person bro and that's dumb as fuck. If you can't like and live for yourself then you should work on it now because when she dumps your ass odds are you'll kill yourself.
>Be me >Went onto my usual TeamSpeak sever to talk to my "friends" >Only one person on lets call him Boris >"Oh hey anon what you doing here" >wtf.jpg that's not Boris it's David >Can hear all my other friends round at Boris's house laughing and playing music >Nobody said anything about getting together to me. >Shrug it off I've not been around lately so i understand >Going to the pub on Friday anyway with a few of them >Nigel comes on >Nigel is my life long friend always been with each other throughout literally everything >"uh anon I probably cant afford Friday" >Doesn't tell me why but at this point i'm feeling pretty shitty >From what i over heard from them they decided they wanted to go out day after so they cancelled with me >didn't get invited to that either >nobody even mentioned me I devoted years to these people and now I've been left behind. I don't know what i did wrong.
>>692281779 Hell, that's probably what's going to happen. And that's fine. I've accepted that. I've given up on ever having a proper life. I'll probably never have kids, or even get laid. I'll never know what it's like to fall asleep in someone's arms, to have them whisper "I love you" in my ear. As much as it hurts, I've got grown to accept it. And yeah, I know I should do what >>692281779 and >>692281799 said, but I'm honestly barely hanging on anymore, I need to get myself on a semi stable platform before I can even begin to fix my problems. And the only platform for miles is the one I'm on.
> be me > 11yo > father has been sick for several weeks, he's very jovial normally, well loved by friends, family, community and students (he was a college professor) > religious family, so no one takes him to hospital > lots of praying to Jeeeeebus > me getting ready for school > hear father in shower > hear loud thud, followed by odd sounds > mother goes in to check on him, runs out and hear her calling 911 > I go in, and see father laying in tub > he's making gurgling sounds... death rattle > kneel down and beg him to wake up > start to pray like never before > feel calm, feel all the things you hear about when people have religious experience > feel god, feel Jeebus > feel the hands of the EMTs pulling me away from him > hear them trying to revive him > they work on him and bring him out to the ambulance and drive away > half hour later, hospital calls > hear mother answer, standing next to her I hear them say "I'm sorry Mrs. Anon, but your husband has died."
Not once did I hear from someone "Seriously, Anon, that fucking sucks, I'm so sorry". Just all sorts of "It's God's plan" and "Your wonderful father is in a better place!"
How about fuck you? How about consoling a kid who just lost his father, and had is faith completely and utterly destroyed? How about realizing that faith, blind faith, will get you killed?
>>692282705 Trust me, it's not that I'm lazy. A coward, maybe, but lazy? I've tried time and time again to get out of the house, talk to people, generally not be a social autist. And it's worked. I've made friends, maybe not good friends, but friends nonetheless. And I know you guys are right, and I know I'm just being a little bitch about it, it's just fucking hard, man. It's hard to wake up each morning and think to myself "Alright, today I'm going to get out of the house, go hang out with my friends, have a good time," and to text your friends and have none of them want to hang out. Because they're busy. They have lives, and friends, and plans in life. And here I am, with nothing. I barely know what I want to do in the next 5 years, I'm terrified to think about the next 15.
I'm an addict just placed on probation for a year. Just turned 21 and want to drink my feelings away but cant. I just woke up from a dream where I watched my brother and uncle drink while I thought about how it's bullshit that they can and I cant. I know I can't manage drinking or any drug use because I'm an addict and of course because of random piss tests. I can't let go of the fact that I just can't do it. Right now I'm on the first dose of a Kratom binge since it's the only thing I had access too that won't make me drop dirty. I have to go to two AA or NA meetings a week and I haven't started yet. I don't want to go especially now because I'm not clean and I don't want to get/stay clean which is the mindset you really should have to be at meetings. l don't want to be the guy who's just there because the judge said so. I know I'll lie and say I'm clean and act like that's what I want and I don't want to lie. Just gonna be another little thing to eat me from the inside.
>be me last year, 21 >be at a party at our local squat house >girl comes up to me > "hey anon, i noticed you at a party here half a year back, i'm from city XY, ask the other anon for my number, i have to catch my train now" > apparently she was very young and shy, i gave her a hug and promised to write her > get her number, start texting > get along very nicely, i really notice she has a crush on me and I'm always lonely and she is cute and smart i go ahead > turns out she is 17, but more mature than one would think, very mature even > we meet again about a month later at christmas in my town > i don't really celebrate with the family, she neither so we had plenty of time together > we fucked, laughed, showered together, all that stuff > when she is gone we start writing mails > she tells me she doenst want a relationship, because she doesn't like them but she also wants to see me again and so on >well,k, aren't going to see eachother often anyway > say it is ok for me, she is happy > we continue writing see eachother a couple of times fucking again and having a nice time > never act like a couple in front of others > always notice a difference in our feelings, she is a bit more remote and more silent > write a little cute poem for her, just for fun, but ofc also because i like her > she is not comfortable, thinks I am badly in love with her, which i actually am at this point > she does a trip to israel with a friend and starts to act strange, not really writing back and so on > finally she says, she can't continue like this, something happened and she can't tell me what > still wants to go to a concert for which we bought tickets with me > very desperate at this point, don't know what to do, Is it me? why can't she tell me? > tell her, i really can't see her, as long as she doesn't tell me what is going on > no contact for about 1,5/2months > start texting again, she says i'm in town next week, we can talk > turns out she was molested as a child
>>692283514 Yeah, that would be a start. Only problem: I have no money, no decent medical insurance, and I refuse to involve my parents. I know that last one's pretty fucking retarded, but this emotional bullshit is my burden to bear, I don't want to drag anyone else down with me. But yes, I definitely need to see some sort of shrink.
>>692283680 clearly you have internet fag, look for alternative options for poor niggas like yourself. Look for support groups, perhaps there's a way you can get them sweet drugs for reduced prices. Why you so lazy bro?
To the people who are feeling down. >There's always a way. It might seem like I'm being overly optimistic but it is true. >I've lived through a brutal civil war >forced to kill 2 human beings otherwise my brother would be killed (this was forced upon me by aunt) >was hunted down by my own family to claim a small inheritance I was given >betrayed by my best friend throughout my teenage years. >stabbed five times, all from people I've known. 1 was an ex. >at my lowest, rock bottom, I had nowhere to go but up from the hole my life had taken me. >I've suffered so much, sacrificed almost everything and I will not throw it away in a bullshit reason as suicide. >also, reach out for help. It always comes in odd ways. Just have to be willing to accept it.
>>692283331 Hey man, I thought the same thing about drinking "hey it's legal, i won't get in trouble unless i drive, it's better than shooting crank etc" but all it led to is drinking and taking drugs.
AA and NA are really a good thing as people won't judge you at all and are very good listeners. I used to go every sunday before i moved to another town.
Are you using Kratom do to withdrawals? or are you still wanting to get a little high
All in all like you said, AA and NA won't work unless you want to get clean, why do you want to continue using? is it just because you love getting high? Maybe you should look into getting a Sub script and maybe even a methadone cycle
>>692283854 Because whatever is causing my emotional bullshit is draining my mental energy and my motivation as well. Plus, I've never even had a job, I live with my fucking parents. Granted, I'm a high school senior, but still.
>>692284233 see that's the problem with depressed people. Odds are it's a chronic thing and is legitimately something fucked with their brains and no matter how many solutions they think of themselves or people tell them they won't do anything. And it's because their brains are fucked and won't let them. Good luck bro, don't go shooting up people just because you got unlucky in the genetic lottery.
>>692273919 if you are lucky she might fuck you for a couple months if you get into good shape. then she will get tired of you or bitch about everything until she justifies dumping you cheating or laughing and leaving.
>>692274465 13 and a half really, boot.. lol also, it's a trap. Turn around and run away. Bootcamp is the easiest part of the Marine corps, I just got done with my 4 years and let me tell ya..getting out is the sweetest feeling imaginable. But know this, after bootcamp you won't give 2 shits about this girl, go to a bar or big social event in your blues and I guarantee you will get some pussy that night. Just dont be an idiot. The green weenie is strong this year my friend. Good luck to you in boot, don't be a blue falcon and for christ sake scream as loud as you can.
>>692287365 I used to set cats on fire and molesting my younger sister a couple times. Right now I actively beat my current girlfriend though obviously I keep it where clothes can cover. The feels are like when you know you have complete control over something. That you could kill or hurt it as much or often as you want.
>>692288019 Thats kind of funny. I tried to set cat on fire once too. I played a lot with fire. The feels are a choice? I've heard many other sociopaths "enjoy" beating the person they are stringing along. But I never got that. I just enjoy the sex.
>>692287688 i guess i have borderline, mostly noticable due to my depression. i can't really cope with it, even though i know i need to learn to live with it. i hit the bong 24/7- .. it helps me not to think so much. whenever i have clear mind, i just can't bear all the thoughts and insecurity
My girlfriend is happy with me but I feel like I'm trapped. I've been in the relationship for 2.5 years, we've been friends since we were 14 and 16 (22 and 20 now.)
She's confident that we're getting married and having kids. Fuck, she yells at me if she has a problem, I've never yelled at her. Then when we see each other again, she just pretends like it never happens, and if I bring up that it was a shitty thing to do, I'm "not getting over it/bringing up what was already resolved. When I DO bring up that i'm having issues in the relationship, she cries and cries then leaves.
I miss sex. I dated a girl before her for 3 years, we had a healthy sex life. I'm lucky if we have sex once a month here, it's usually every 2 or so. Even when we do, it's on her terms, and it's just her on top, doing her thing. She hates touching my dick and all that, hates giving head.
We live together and idk what to do. She's sleeping in bed and I'm in the living room with a rum and coke. If it weren't for weed and liquor, idk what i'd be doing.
>>692289008 If you feel trapped. Then that means you should probably move on. The lack of sex means one of two things. She's getting comfortable with that fact that shes got you around her finger, or she's sleeping out. There is a power imbalance in your relationship, so if you can't work things out with her. Then get out. >this is just my two cents >its up to you on what to do
>so she told me, she was molested when she was 13 or so by someone she thought was a friend > in israel they had made friends with some ppl in a kibutz and when the guy she was there with went to sleep on of the guys there tried something > she wasn't able to go on talking, i told her it was okay and felt like shit > literally had only thought about me, that i felt bad, what i had done wrong, but in reality, it should be about her > started turn things around in my mind, wanted to be there for her all the time, not caring about my fucked up life, she knew little about > she said, we can try see eachother again, but it will take time and i need to work blabla > i tell her, she can take as much time as she wants, am just happy the uncertainty about what i had done wrong had gone > bring her to train, hug, say bye, it is not as before, but fine > go home, literally devastated, still thinking about how fucked up all this must have been for her, while i was sizzling in self-pity > write her a mail thanking her for seeing me and so on > write back and forth once, no contact for a while > tell me it is fine, but remember i actually wanted to tell her something too that day when she explained to me what happened > in the 2months we didn't see eachother i came to the conclusion, we need to communicate more > can't deal with this different level of feelings, she needs to tell me, when i am annoying her > repress these thoughts > ffw 1 month, i was drawing to get my mind of things, decided to make the painting a present for her > anniversary at the squat house next week, it was likely she would be there, but didnt say a word > send her the painting with a letter > start texting again, she seems quite happy > say something like "the party is this weekend, but i guess you would already told me, if you were there" > "no, no, i will be there" > fuck, why didn't she say a word. i dunno how i would have reacted seeing her there, without knowing
>>692275151 Dude... That shit happened to me too. Me and my ex were each other's first for everything and been going at it for 2 years, the same day we talk about our future she falls for another dude and now she's gonna be sucking his dick now
>>692289374 If I were single, I'd say no. And I know that for a fact.
>>692289413 Your'e right. We live together and go to the same university. Same friends.
I highly doubt she's sleeping around, I'm her first and I haven't seen the signs, and trust me, I know them. The worst I saw was that she was texting some guy who got her number from someone who didn't know she was dating me. She his his name and all that.
There's definitely an imbalance. You're right. But a part of me is legit scared that if she isn't around I might think of just putting what I can in a car and driving off. Fuck, I think about doing that now.
> feel shitty, feeling of her not being really honest with me intensifies > suddenly uncertainty is back > "femanon, we need to talk, before the party really starts" > "yeah, i thought the same. i need to tell you something and prepare you for seeing me drunk" > she never drank much before she came back from israel, it helped her she said > so day comes, see her and her friends arriving at the house > comes up to me, hugs me, but i see in her eyes, she does it more because she has to > "are you feeling, ok, femanon" > she shakes her head and goes away with her friends > about an hour later i come up to her and ask her, if we could talk now > she doesn't really look me in the eye "err, i'm waiting for a friend, when he is here, i'll find you" > my whole evening is only about this, i feel something huge coming, get anxious, angry and very excited (in a bad way > can't really talk to anyone, feel bad constantly, it is like, someone pulled a trigger and i started running down a tunnel without being able to turn around > even push away a friend who hasnt seen me in a while and was trying to say hello > be alone several ours in a dark corner of the garden drinking > text her something like "well we wanted to talk, before the party starts blabla" > " i can't talk to you right now" > "well that is okay, but tell me at least f2f, i dont wanna play hide and seek with you" > "i really can't take the pressure anon" > feel like i wasted all the effort i put in trying to be there for her, distracting her and making her happy > finally realised, she never wanted to me to be that person for her > i could never imaging that the love i had to give for that girl would be in vain > i mean, how can you push away someone who is trying to make you happy and is loving you for real > right probably, when you have been molested and are having a hard time trusting anyone. > not thinking that straight at the moment tho,
>>692290165 We broke up bro we were about to purchase our first house , get married ( was engaged for like 3 years) and start for a family. Now shes out acting like a hoe and ive torn through 30 odd chicks in the year or so we've been split up and have just started to see one of them more personal.
>>692279290 Comrade, I may not know what you're feeling because I haven't gone through that, but I assure you that the tragedy will come to an end if you keep on living. You would feel the same if you had a child and work your whole life to keep them as happy and stable. If I die I want my kid to live on to the fullest. Yes mourning is normal and you can let it all out anytime, it's okay. Your father has done his calling and unfortunately his time came up short, but your dad wouldn't want you to be mourning your whole life, he wants you to succeed and live your life and not make his death in vain
>>692290378 > she also wrote something like "we are just friends, anon, so i wanna have the right to say no a conversation > now i know, what she wanted to tell me >text her "ok, i won't write anything else. everything else when we have time to talk" > start crying, feeling trapped again in a circle i had stepped in before so many times > my life has no purpose, all the time i knew her, i felt like there was a golden thread running through my life, something i could focus on > focus on caring for her, make life for her better, make her forget what happened > don't fell like i pressured her at all, i just wanted to know what was going on > remember other incidents, where she didn't say a word until it was too late > e.g. first time we met, i was holding her hand when we where outside, she only told me later via mail she didn't really want this > why not tell me beforehand? > take a train home, even though i had planed to stay the whole weekend. > too many people trying to talk to me, to many idiots making nonsense conversations and being happy > first time in a long period i thought about killing myself again > stay up until morning, blazing as i always do, sometimes crying > slowly get all these ideas, that she just didnt want anyone being so close to her > should have realised from the beginning, but was lying to myself for about half a year > try to make peace with the situation over the next weeks > wrote her once more this evening: "okay, i went home now. if you want me to write anything about this, i will. if you don't just communicate that please" > no answer not even after two weeks > now i'm fine with it, after feeling bad for myself i slowly realised what a dick i had been >she was weird, not telling me what was going on half of the time, but doesnt matter now > as hard to get as it is, she still wants to be by herself > now i'm sitting here typing this, unsure whether to write her my insights or if she still needs time
I had these two friends that I was friends with since kindergarten and we were like brothers. I will never forget the nights we had staying up all night playing Goldeneye and laughing and telling spooky stories so that we would get scared and sleep under the same blanket to protect us from the ghosts ( Pretty stupid I know but hey, we were just kids). As we grew up and come high school. We just drifted apart. Different classes, different friends. We'd hang out sometimes during breaks but there wasn't much to talk about. I had become more popular at the time and they felt like I didn't want to hang out with them because I had cooler friends. I got mad at them for thinking I would forget about them like that so I just... Forgot them. Then sometime during senior year, they had both killed themselves together. I never saw their bodies but I heard what it looked like. One slit his throat and the other had cut into his wrists pretty deep.
I was devastated and was thrown into a deep depression after that. I blamed it on me. Because I forgot them and never talked to them. Then on their funeral it all came back to me. All the sleepless nights we had on the N64 and ghost stories and giggling and so on. I burst into tears and their parents were hugging me and I was blubbering that it's all on me. Now here I am. A depressed alcoholic that will probably die alone.
Dropped out of highschool halfway through grade 11 because I'm an idiot, lost my girlfriend to one of my closest friends, lost about 95% of my friends even some of my closest ones, last time I saw people from highschool was at a mates birthday where i broke down into tears because drunk and ex was brought up (this was 2 months after) knew that everything was fucked for now but was hopeful that things would be get better, skip to now 2 years later, haven't made any new friends or had any girlfriends. Things were starting to look up for me when my old best friend moved back to where I live but is now moving back to get back together with his ex. Kind of losing faith in life which I know is stupid to say but I haven't been truly happy in close to 3 years
You know I always lurk these threads, and it's 90% relationship related shit, and 10% other. what about guilt? I've done some things I can't seem to forget, and forgive myself, but how do you move on, so you can enjoy life again?
you have a point there, i don't say we should get back to feudal times. however i'd say there are mayn problems which came only when capitalism developed. for example the feeling that everything is detached from you, alienated. this is only possible in a world, where you don't bake your bread yourself, but more in a world where you don't even know, what your work is good for. mainly because it serves no purpose at all, besides making you employed. sure capitalism is the best we had up to now, but people are dead inside, yes, probably, because they realise more now, how fucked up the world is. dialectics of enlightenment, my friend! read it.
>>692293760 used to constantly feel up my passed out drunk stepmother. it's only when she passed away I realized what I've done. so bad man.. I mean I see it on 4chan all the time, people telling that they've done it but still..
I'm just left with guilt I don't know where to put.
It's more like.. " what kind of person would do that? what kind of person I am" things like that.
Is it bad that I feel like I have no reason to be sad? I grew up upper middle class. Educated. Smart. Funny. But I can't talk to people. I have a group of crazy good friends but when ever I'm around them all I do I stare into infinity and they think it's funny. I feel like oh you have no reason to be sad you have a good life but all my life has I have been told get good grades and my friends are sort of only talking about when I finish school (dw I'm 18) yeah come to uni. But I don't care I want someone to share my life with but I can't talk to people so I get depressed but I feel like I shouldn't be depressed because 'you have a good life'
I got into cars and one of my friends who is a girl asked why I drive fast and I'll tell you /b/ since I can tell you anything. I drive fast so I hope I hit a wall hard enough so that I don't need to worry about my life.
This paragraphs had no coherriance but neither does my life.
I feel like I don't deserve to be sad Hold me Pic related. Sum of my life
>>692294240 As much as I know I'm not the only one it doesn't really help much, and in a way you're right, I've been focusing on my work a lot harder since, here's a work in progress if anyones interested
>Be me >Neet >Obsessed with ex-girlfriend >Overcome with anxiety >Addicted to Xanax >Can't get a job because too terrified to call >Ace interview at Sam's Club >Fake drug test >Supposed to come into work for orientation >Too anxious to call and ask, end up losing job >tfw 4chan is your only outlet
>>692274519 Not op, but it'd be nice to have someone like that. This girl I'm getting close to has been pretty supportive of me and I thought she was interested in me until I hung out with her more, saw she was kind to everyone, and I'm not so sure now. I've lightly hit on her, so she must know I consider her that way, but I feel like such a fool around her. I want to ask her out, but I don't want the humiliation if she doesn't feel the same way.
>>692295898 Man you have to brute force it. Since you take antidepressant, I guess you already had professional help, but it may not be a bad idea to either look for another one, or for you to try better, Have a journal or something and set yourself little goals everyday. " Today I"ve eaten more than yesterday or ever" And you need the journal so you can look back how much you've tried. I often find myself going in circles, running the same path in my mind, but that doesn't lead you anywhere
>>692297215 Get a job. My brother in law was a basement dweller on welfare. Lived alone, severe depression, no social skills. He wound up working for amazon and had a daily routine now. Took him about 6 months to get a job but that in itself was the first part of the humanizing process. You can do it.
>>692297215 Then try to find one. It's not working? find another one. But this just goes back to my last reply, where I said that you need to try harder. In everything. When you try something new, stick around with it, and when it's not working out, leave it. The problem is that we are so empty and shallow, so we don't know, whether that new thing is not for as at all, or we just completely forgot how things work. like what's normal? at least that's the case for me. If you wanna feel a little better about yourself, scroll back to see my post about guilt and passed away stepmother. at least you are not a piece of fucking trash that should die, like me.
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