ITT: We are in an office
The stories and information posted here are artistic works of fiction and falsehood.
Only a fool would take anything posted here as fact.
Only a fool would take anything posted here as fact.
ITT: We are in an office
I'm gonna get some coffe faggot
Alright.. go turn the thermostat really low
Fuck me till my face falls off!
I'm the faggot with the curly orange hair : I roll up a drawn picture of a dick and throw it to the blonde bitch behind me
>>691822451
Does the internet still work ? I can't go to 4chan!
What's the number for the helpdesk again ?
>>691824029
wrong office bud
I'm the boss and walk around with my dick out.
I rather be in my home office right now.
>>691824839
pls put your shoes back on!
let me take a quick fap in the restroom.
i knock on the door
it's me goku
>>691824947
Don't worry, its 112
>>691822451
is this the chan office, I dont see mute though
<quietly working efficiently>
>>691825277
Nah mate, I'm the boss. I allow you to do it next to the blond bitch.
Michael Jim put my stapler in jello again
>>691822451
CARON PASS ME THE FUCKING STAPLER
>>691825356
well, now we have this in front of the building...
>>691822672
kek
>>691825702
Quick, we don't want to get fined, start a small fire!
>>691825514
Hey Chris I need those papers on my desk by 5
>>691822451
Ok time to check that this siren does.
OH MY GOD. I didnt want this, I WANT PICTURES OF SPIDERMAN!
>>691826163
>>691822451
Hey.. hey guys watch me do a Tommen impression.
>Does art instead of working
>>691824839
sniff sniff
What's that smell ?
OH FUCK DAVID !
PUT YOUR SHOES ON !
>>691825897
ups
>>691826255
SOMEONE STOP HIM HE'L CRUSH MY CAR
>>691822672
Coffee is for closers only you fucking piece of shit.
>>691826272
>art
>this picture
YOU'RE FIRED!
>>691826309
dont worry - i got that
>>691826309
They got their shit together a little too late
>>691826309
>ups
Deutsche Schwuchtel
>>691822451
i dont see nigger jim
did nigger jim come to work today?
Dave. Dave... Dave? Has anyone seen Dave? Is he in yet?
>>691826607
>Deutsche Schwuchtel
>auf deutsch
>>691826618
>>691826655
They died in the fire
>>691826686
Nur weil ich auf Deutsch geschrieben hast bedeutet nicht, dass ich Deutsch bin.
omg i have to do all these files by 3 and its 1 now! what will i do?
its rediculous what they make us do here...
okay im going for a cigarette break, work is so stressful!
>>691826824
>hast
I'm such a fucking faggot I can't even describe it. I can't believe I made that mistake. Put me in the fucking oven.
>>691826571
nothing important as usual.
Bob is fired.
>>691826824
fgt
>>691826824
>Nur weil ich auf Deutsch geschrieben hast bedeutet nicht, dass ich Deutsch bin.
>>691826899
Yea, that's where jews belong.
>>691822451
Good morning staff, I'd like to remind /b/ division of our zero tolerance sexual harassment policy that anyone with an offensive wallpaper will be placed on administrative leave.
>>691826618
Nope. Got shot at a BLM rally last night. Nugget Jim dead. D-E-D dead
fart loud
>>691825514
Chris did you eat my fucking sandwich again you peice of shit
i'm the biggest autist here
>>691822672
Excuse me anon, can I have a word with you regarding language inappropriate for the workplace..?
>>691825514
Chris i'm fucking sick and tired of you shoving my mouse into your ass
>>691827066
Why is the plane so close to our office?
>>691824947
It was blocked after Brian was caught downloading porn images from it.
>>691822451
okey dockey jonson I am need this report bring tomorrow
>>691827358
>>691826978
Would this Leafy and Luna wallpaper be considered offensive?
>>691822451
sooo... what exactly do we "do" here?
>>691825333
kek
>333
cheked
Lads, that new girl is cute as fuck.
>>691825563
>bitch
That's sexual discrimination, I'm sending an email to HR!
>>691822451
Has anyone seen the TF24-B ink cartridges!? I repeat has anyone seen the TF24-B cartridges!!? And God damn it has anyone seen my red stapler !? I SWEAR IT WAS RIGHT ON MY DESK
>>691827521
it's offensive how shitty it is.
You're literally offending my eyes, mate.
This thread was visited by the Almighty loaf. Confess your sins unto me, for even now, the evil seeds of what you have done germinate within you. Confess unto me, my children, or be banished to burn in hell.
I'm gonna go take a 3 hour shit and play on my phone.
>>691822451
Shut up! I'm working!
"Bernie can still win!"
>>691827593
Hello
It's not sexual discrimination. She actually is a bitch.
Greetings, HR.
Hey guys, my first day here! What have I to do?
Guys, who took a shit on my desk?
>>691826592
Excuse me, I'm the official fire warden for this office. I did a one day course and passed an online test so I'm pretty sure I've got this under control. You can leave now, I have a hi-vis vest.
CAN YOU NIGGERS STOP TALKING I'M TRYING TO FUCKING WORK
>>691827358
Don't worry, it hit the tower next to us.
Prajeet was rude to me again.
>tfw off shore tech is hell
>>691827693
I once killed a man then sucked him off. Please forgive me
>>691827703
Whoever doesn't do this at work is a fucking idiot, straight up.
>>691827886
Well, that was a lucky escape
>>691827830
i have been with this company for 7 years, and i still have no idea
911 was an inside job
>>691827830
Make tea and coffee.
>>691828022
It was Dave from Accounting with Stapler !
>>691827836
oh, can i have that back?
Im going to the cupboard anyone want anything ?
>>691828022
7/11 was a handjob.
>>691827886
Thank goodness jet fuel can't melt steel beams or they'd be fucked.
>>691827980
Fuck knows either, just browsing google maps the entire time
>>691827980
Great, so... uuuuh... want some help?
Hey guys! Working hard or hardly working? lol
Hvac guy here, two women called me down one said it was too cold, one said it was too hot.
Any men here have a complaint? You can't trust a woman's temperature report.
>>691828105
I would, but I put it in the cup Chris is drinking from. Ask him for it.
>>691828196
gtfo you fucking newoffficefag what makes you think we wanted you to replace bill ?
>>691828106
Someone keeps stealing my pens, can I get some more please?
>>691828106
Vasaline, a rubber glove and a three hole punch. Oh and a welding mask.
>>691828196
No.
>>691828196
Lol, office jokes. Better than dad jokes. xD
>>691828178
They are fucked, they used therimte bombs when the planes didn't work
>>691828196
Eheheheh
>>691828323
ew. not if it's got coffee it
>>691828285
no it's fine man give one bitch a heater and the other a fan
>>691828056
Oh, I make a great KumCoffee
And don't get me started on my awesome CyanTea
>>691828345
We only have scuba goggles, will they suffice?
>>691828189
my knees are bad and i can no longer properly reach the copying machine.
i want you to pull my scrotum onto the scanner
>>691828334
>>691828345
K just gimie a minute
I'm back from a holliday.
What happened to the toilets ?
>>691828479
That's what I figured. Fuck them. Locking the thermostat, you're a bro, the code is 1335. Fuck with it as you wish.
>>691828378
No they didn't. They used pure Jew urine and it melted right through the fucking steel support beams in seconds. The dude doing it died.
>>691828182
HOLY FUCKING SHIT
When browsing google maps, I found where the leafy fag lives
>>691828469
Yeah, I took out all the coffee beans in the cupboard and replaced them with little dried pieces of shit.
>>691828555
Good enough. And if you see Carl,tell him he's needed in my office.
>>691828555
>>691828555
>>691828555
Triple Tripoli
>>691828609
Uuuh no thanks
>>691828693
we got a new coworker named neutral
>>691828694
fuck man not so loud they will hear
>>691828714
I thought they used this shit
>>691827703
>>691827898
found the actual office workers
>>691828894
sure that's fine, just leave it to an old man to do it himself
who was the last one in the bathroom ?
>>691828984
Yeah tell it to someone else, fucking skeleton
>>691822451
"I quit"
guys watch me do a 360 degree turn and still land without facing the same direction
>>691828984
No their isn't you lyre
Uhm guys, why is there a N-E-G-R-O sitting in front of my desk
>>691829078
Yes, That was the plan
>>691829305
We hire niggs too dipshit
Sorry I'm late anons. I went to get donuts but then there was traffic!
sorry i'm late for work guys, had to catch these dubs
>>691829201
ok, do your shit.
I'm waiting for the faceplant
>>691829305
yes, you have been replaced
you had a job which even a monkey could do. so we went ahead and hired a monkey
WHO KEEP PRINTING IN FUCKING COLOUR?
>>691829612
Oops, sorry.
>>691829305
Racist fuck he is an abbo
Guys l lost my chocolate milk !! Somebody stole it ! Maybe the fucking janitor or maybe Chad, between us, fuck Chad, anyway seen my chocolate milk anon ?
Please kill me
>>691829394
ill just find a chair or something. awfully dangerous for a old man such as myself to do this by himself. i fear the worst might happen. did i tell you i have bad knees?
what the fuck where the hell where are my car keys ?
Hello ladies and gentlemen, my name is trent from upper management.
This o-
You know what fuck it, fuck this company and fuck you. I'm declaring bankruptcy so suck on deez buts fags and fagettes
The real /b/ office
>>691829942
i will get them back at the end of your shift
that's it, fuck everything. I quit
>>691829497
Oh, you didn't get them, I see.
>>691830203
who was that guy?
>>691830309
Why does he wear the mask?
Who wants to get some sandwiches with me?
God I fucking hate that bitch of a whole, Candice. She's such a snooty bitch cunt. I told her to show me the titties or get out and she fucking got all mad and said stupid words like "sexual harrassment" and "reporting to HR". She likes to use shitty words like that a lot.
hey. someone dropped these dubs
>>691830105
dick
cant wait to retire after fifty years of working nine till five so i can live in a slightly larger than average house
>>691830406
She's moody because her pet anteater just died
>>691830380
i it's to hide his emotions from clients when his closing deals
anyone participating in ramadan here? inshallah
whats up with the mexicans that are starting to work here? i hate those niggers!
>>691830397
can i have a falafel instead?
>>691827396
Fucking Brian! I hate that guy.
>>691830549
Thats a big business tactic
>>691825514
Chris why are you so fucking awkward, talk to someone, you're creeping Linda out
>>691830440
i didn't quite catch that. you will get your keys when your shift is done. you can get it from the box or i can shove it up your ass. now get back to work
Hahaha, which one of you guys placed this funny picture on the bulletin board
>>691830203
>>691830610
HIS GOT A BOMB!
>>691830549
If I pull that off will he die?
Has anyone got a stapler? I've got a lot of forms and theres a slight breeze in here!
>>691829880
Sigh,fine
But i expect a raise
>>691830618
Sure, like a falafel sandwich or just by itself?
Hello IT, have you tried turning it on and off again
>>691830612
yeah, after Trump built the wall the mexicans who were left on the america side of the wall were allowed to stay
Hey, guys. I'm new here in the office.
Anyone want to show me around?
*BEEP*
-Hey, this is John from reception,
-We have revived news that the United States is being invaded.
-Multiple cities on the Western and Eastern seaboard have already been attacked with Nuclear weapons.
-We should be safe here in Salt Lake City for now, but we have been ordered to evacuate all non essential personal.
-All essential personal get to the underground bunker now!
>>691828123
Ayy
>>691822451
Hey Rod, can I get proof of delivery on these bills? AMEM buyers are really giving me hell, so I need to prove we delivered those pallets of parts.
Also stop fucking making dates wrong on the packing slips, it goes mm/dd/yyyy we don't live in the states.
>>691830998
it's just a fucking mask
>>691831154
That's it
WHICH ONE OF YOU BASTARDS ATE MY CHICKED SANDWICH
>>691830843
sorry back to work i go
>>691831154
Great! someone brought donuts earlier, too. Grab one and I'll show you around.
>>691822672
/thread
>>691831298
He is a big guy
>>691831335
can i have one ?
>>691831103
never mind, i knew you react like this
>>691831278
WTF the pallets were delivered ages ago
>>691831335
Great!
I'm kind of a loner, so could you show me some of the more secluded areas in the office, if I ever want to be alone.
>>691831053
i know i'm getting a "raise"
>>691831311
it was bane
>>691825333
Checkd
>>691831431
Sure! anon brought like, mountains of them.
>>691831480
I'm sorry :(
*BEEP*
-Hey, this is John from reception, I REPEAT:
-We have revived news that the United States is being invaded.
-Multiple cities on the Western and Eastern seaboard have already been attacked with Nuclear weapons.
-We should be safe here in Salt Lake City for now, but we have been ordered to evacuate all non essential personal.
-All essential personal get to the underground bunker now!
-John, signing off
>>691831538
Hey Rod,
Thanks for the reply. I know the pallets were delivered, but I need the bills with the driver's signature to fax to those AMEM buyers so we can prove they've been delivered. You know how they are, those Quebec bastards.
Thanks.
>>691831795
it's probably fine. we are america after all
>>691822451
The break room smells like ramen and disease.
>>691828123
fuckyou
>>691831939
-We have reports that 36 Million are already dead, I urge you to get to the bunker!
-John
>>691832004
the ramen test doesn't work if you KNOW about the disease
>>691825333
>Legendary rp in rp thread
>check'd
Would be a shame if someone snapped and then stalk from office to office with an Armalite AR-10 carbine gas-powered semi-automatic weapon, pumping round after round into colleagues and co-workers. This might be someone you've known for years. Someone very, very close to you.
I let loose a loud obnoxious fart.
>this actually happened once
>Everyone came by my office to see if I was okay
>>691831606
The office is pretty packed, and the only places that aren't really occupied smell really rancid. If you want to ever isolate yourself I'd recommend you bring some kind of deodorizer. Oh, and don't talk to Chris. He works really hard but he's got really..shifty eyes.
>>691825514
Fucking over achiever
>>691832316
ARE YOU OKAY, ANON? I HEARD A BOMB GO OFF NOT TOO FAR AWAY FROM US
>>691826607
Halt deine schnauze zieh dir das jetzt rein
Mein schwanz ist groß und deiner ist klein
Ich fahr in meim benz
Und fick deine mum str8 and der grenz-
E du hurensohn
I'm going need you to come in Saturday...Oh and if you could come in on Sunday too...That'd be greeaat.
>>691832136
considering the fact that there are over 300 mil people in america. i'm preetty sure we will be juust fine
>>691832422
>>691832298
>>691832004
>>691831864
>>691831606
Salt Lake is about to be targeted, get to the fucking bunkers NOW!
>>691832582
WHERE DO I HIDE?!
>>691832555
-Latest reports show that 78 Million have been killed.
-John
>>691822451
I hate open offices. I drop my pants and take a dump on my desk. Then I turn on the orange siren.
>>691831864
Kevin here no one has seen rod for ages you dont know where he is do you ?
>>691832706
Don't listen to that guy, he is the office prankster
>>691832706
I SAID IN THE FUCKING BUNKERS
Is that light flickering? it's so annoying
>>691829071
Here let me help you with the clean up.
>>691832919
maybe you should fix it?
>>691832919
Someone's using the elevator again. Cursed thing eats all the power whenever it lifts people.
>>691832904
I'm new here! Are you paying attention?!
Can't we just close the window?
only one in the bunker. phew the cold is getting in. close door
Everyone is panicking about a possible nuke, while I'm just sitting in my office chair naked, playing http://www.hark.com/clips/shvwkmlysd-loud-nigga at full volume on surround sound...
>>691828123
rrh
Why is there a hard drive in the microwave
FCKN CHRIS IS WATCHING ANIME PORN
>>691832004
>>691832035
>>691832136
>>691832227
>>691832290
>>691832510
>>691832483
>>691832582
>>691832706
>>691832768
>>691832960
>>691832919
>>691833099
>>691833100
Nevermind guys, the Nuke that was meant to hit Salt Lake actually was off target and hit the small city of Layton not far from here.
>>691833294
i'm trying to upgrade it
>>691833099
Hi you want to go out ? im really rich and drive a bmw my squeaky voice doesnt bother you does it ?
>>691833333
Nice repeating digits
>>691833097
Funny, when I came up here, it doesn't actually say floor 13 in the elevator but here we are
>>691833333
>>691833097
Son of a bitch!
Here comes another mandatory sexual harassment seminar.
>>691832582
Hey,
Thanks for the email. FUCKING RUN, RODNEY, GET THE FUCK OUT OF THE OFFICE, GO TO THE WAREHOUSE AND SUCK AND COVER IN THE MEZZANINE! JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, LEAVE MARTIN AND ADAM BEHIND, TAKE TRACY BECAUSE SHE CAN SUCK A DICK AND WE CAN REPOPULATE.
Best regards.
>>691833375
then how do i open this bunker?
WHAT THE FUCK IS THIS MESS? WE WERE SUPPOSED TO BE WORKING HERE
>>691833434
I can't decide which part of your face I dislike the most.
No thanks.
>order a pizza for lunch
>want to save some for dinner
>lick the top of every slice
>put pizza in fridge of break room
>some nigger takes a slice
Heheheh
When does the midget tossing start?
GUYS, EVERYTHING IS OKAY. LET ME PLAY AN OLD TIME CLASSIC TO CHEER US UP.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_Fdb5lpq-6Y
>>691833547
Wait, are you locked in there, because there is no mechanism that opens the door
>>691822451
*click*
*click*
Tfw my job requires minimal communication
>>691833700
i don't see any mechanism. it's just a solid door
>>691832784
Hello,
Thanks for the prompt response. Who are you, Kevin, and why are you answering Rod's emails? How much do you want? I know you have that little bastard tied up in the service department bathroom. Alright, I'll throw around some weight and get you a spot in head office in Montreal. Just don't forget who put you there, alright?
Best regards.
>>691833595
but but
>farts indefinitely
>>691833687
business has been slow lately. no midget tossing this year. but ill pay you to "toss my midget" if you know what i mean
>>691833621
See pizza in fridge crush up a tablet and sprinkle on pizza.
Wait for the inevitable explosion.
>>691833099
>>691833803
Well... Good luck getting out, we sold the mining equipment recently due to budget cuts
>>691833880
man, his still going
i have transformed my office into a mini-baseball field, let's go
>>691834035
the computer servers are down here though
>tfw a week off away from office
>spend it online talking about the office
Hey there colleagues. I'm new here. Where do you guys store your cheese pizza.
>>691833773
AYYYYYY YO MANE
*smacking lips loudly*
NIGGAH I GOTTA RUMBLE IN DIS SHIT DAWG
*breathes in your ear*
GIB ME YOUR CHEETOS DAWG
>>691834242
i've got nothing, sir
>>691833850
Ehhhhhh
>>691833971
Yeah, that's more my style.
>>691833825
Its ok turns out Rod went to Winnipeg but for some reason ever came back ok dude thanks i got your back
>>691834242
In the freezer! Where else?
>>691834242
this guys got pizza>>691833942
>>691834242
Also, why do I have such a bad problem with coordinating my eyes?
>>691834370
Ok so fucking new summer fags dont even recognize the supreme gentleman
>>691834242
> Claire two desks down smiles and talks to me daily
> Doesn't know the filth running through my brain
it's a bit loud in here
>>691834785
Remove Elliot
>>691834402
Hello again,
So when you get to Montreal, we gotta hit St. Catherine's st. and get some hookers. Those french whores will do fucking anything, man, and they look amazing. Just bring $1000 cash and a knife and let me do all the talking. I know a guy, Jean-Louis who can get us some strippers who won't be missed if they don't come home.
Thank you for your usual good cooperation.
Some guy rang from Microsoft earlier, I gave him all our bank details but my computer isn't any faster?
pass the stapler.
WHO KEEPS PUTTING TAPE ON THE BOTTOM OF MY MOUSE?
>>691834891
He removed himself
>>691825514
Chris, I'm leaving early today so I need you to do these reports for me and have them on my desk before i get here in the the morning. Faggot.
>>691831795
John, could you please stop with the WW3 pranks?
Haha you don't have to be mad to work here, but it helps
hahahahahah
>>691835093
Jim put my stuff in jello again!
