What was the biggest mistake you've made while you were
The stories and information posted here are artistic works of fiction and falsehood.
Only a fool would take anything posted here as fact.
Only a fool would take anything posted here as fact.
What was the biggest mistake you've made while you were intoxicated or under the influence of alcohol/drugs?
Drunk texting ex. Lots of embarassing shit. Never had bad experiences on drugs.
>>689816069
OP's mom.
called some girls I knew inferior. Got ousted from all of my groups. No longer have friends
>>689816069
Blacking out and waking up in a hospital to people telling me I had been raped, luckily some passing Swedes tackled my rapist. Nothing I did was my fault, apparently.
My friend took 30 hits from a bong and vomited all over a girl
Beat my wife to a pulp.
Got super high with a friend id had known for 3 years, got me to have anal( i was the bitch) and i loved it. now im an anal bitch but he and i dont live any where near each other now and it has been like 5 years. living in my area in Canada makes it hard to find tops that want to mount my ass, which is sad. I cant find guys who want to dominate me, it should be easy.
ate a chick out and got herpes of the mouth
>>689818115
oh also inb4 "gtfo fag"
>>689818115
Oh hi Justin
>>689816069
Broke my ribs twice, on seperate occasions, fell down concrete steps outside, tripped over a baby gate (little shitter dogs I keep out of my room). Broke a brand new laptop (not sure how, but next morning screen was fucked up). Broken dishes, broken furniture, straight up puked on the floor (wooden floor, permanent stain). Offended friends and family. I really had a problem, I recently quit drinking. The worst part is waking up not knowing if its day or night or even what day it is or how you got where you are or what happened.
>>689818307
This was all alcohol btw.
>>689818401
>An alcohol
>>689817593
Kek underrated post
I felt up my 13 y/o cousin in the garage and she liked it
>>689817515
story. sounds like a bad excuse for having no friends
>>689817985
Muh nigga
>>689816069
I don't know.
But one time, I accidentally dropped a whole roll of toilet paper into the toilet.
The next day, or a few days later, I bought a pack of toilet paper, and dropped it off.
>>689817648
lold
>>689818570
no one remembers that meme, oldfriend...
punched a cop in the chest (never do this ever)
stole a car, wrecked it going 60ish while blowing a red
got stabbed in the leg by tweaker friend of mine (apparently I did something to deserve it but I don't remember)
sure I could go on and on and on but my brain is about fried from all the years i spent pumping meth and heroin into my veins
>>689818307
do people try to limit how much you drink?
>>689816069
I pissed in the fireplace once on a combination of liquor and spice. I quit that spice shit years ago though. Fucking crap was hell getting off of too.
>Was drunk as fuck with some friends.
>Go out for a walk.
>It was hard to fucking walk.
>3 guys tried to rob us.
>Scream a them "FUCKING PUSSIES"
>Start running.
>Falls.
>Keeps running.
>Home again.
>Guys are searching us.
>Crying because i didn't wanted them to kill me.
The next thing i remember is waking up with a cold because i slept on the floor + drunk texting my ex saying that i still love her.
>>689816069
Had a one night stand with a girl who was on her period.. Couldn't get it up cuz of my drunkness son I ate that pussy like there's no tomorrow
>>689818115
why do you like being an an anal bitch?
>>689816069
Thats not a mistake thats a win amd more then most on /b/ woll geg
>>689819089
faggot
>>689816069
>drunk as hell
>4:00 am
>looking for a whore
>no girl available
>called a trap
>fucked it
>idontgiveashit.jpg
>pic so much related
>>689819418
>related too
be jelly m8s
>>689819418
give me advice for looking up whores, not really into traps tho
>>689817260
Summer is definitely here
biggest mistake being drunk and all was coming to 4chan tonight to read this thread
pic related its what im drinking now
>>689816069
sucked my friends dick
>>689818115
do you take loads bareback?
>>689819131
would you stop if you could?
Drove my car. Luckily I wasn't pulled over. I was parked in a parking lot near my place when a couple cruisers showed up. My keys weren't in the ignition. So they couldn't charge me with anything.
>>689818307
>(little shitter
fucking die, you alccy scum
>>689816069
I molested my older sister and asked her for sex in front of most of my family and her (now) husband.
>>689819589
Just call to a expensive escort site, look for some forums of whore-addicts of your region and always, fucking always use protection
>>689819725
I did stop.
>>689818697
Ok you got my atención,. Go on,.
>>689819766
I drive drunk quite a bit
>>689817985
me too lol well she wasn't my wife
Nothing, really, because I can handle my shit.
I did unwillingly fuck a fat bitch after chugging some vodka, though. If i was a girl that would have been rape. I passed out and woke up with her ontop of me riding me, I was too out of it to do anything but lay there.
>>689819656
that shit is bottled a mile from here
kek
choke ya cunt!!
>>689819212
I usually drank alone, but yeah, my family mostly, friends were always getting just as fucked up with me. But usually I drank alone. I quit not long ago, I only drink non alcoholic beer now. I was drinking a pint of whiskey a night.
I fucked your mom without a condor
>>689819889
oh. how?
>>689816069
Tried to rape a girl i know
>>689819889
What happened with the cop, did he taze you or just take you down
>>689820061
Go on?
>>689819974
>cunts like this
think its ALAWAYS ABOUT YUOOOOOOO!!!!
well it fucking aint, mother fucker!
>>689819999
Quads checked
>>689819089
Knock knock
Who is it?
Officer faggot, your son was killed by an alcohol
>>689819999
do you slip up and have one once in a while?
>>689820165
...what?
>>689819999
>>689820207
wasted on this filthy, filthy liqued junky
>>689818697
dont blame you
>>689820082
he threw my ass to the ground like a sack of dog shit. I'm pretty decent sized but this dude was fucking huge.
>>689820021
Used to not have a good outlook on life, didn't want to go anywhere or do anything with it.
One day I looked in the mirror and saw what a zombified piece of tweaker shit I had become, changed, stopped using and got my shit together.
>be me
>young child (around 16 at time)
>never been to a party
>go to an outside fire banger with friend
>decide to drink 4loko tall boy and 16 beers
>never drank b4
>tried getting a handjob from ugly hoe
>got pants
>dick out for 7 min
>went home
>parents got mad
>>689819358
the feeling of being someone elses plaything. it makes my heart race and i get so turned on. even thinking about it makes my knees shake
>>689820292
self deprecating bullshit!!
fuck off!!
>>689820165
Feminist?
>>fucked one of my friends when we were both high and drunk as fuck in a car. the sex was great but we were both taken at the time. good times.
>>689819974
Kek, i had same thing happen to me but with my cousin
I didn't wake up to it though, but her mom was hammered and she was giving her shit because she slept with me
Picked up a street hooker and got my dick sucked for five bucks
Yes she was a nigger
>>689816069
Fucked my sister, she was drunk too, so thats ok.
>>689820481
How is what I said self-deprecating?
>>689819710
glady but i only screw people who are clean of any disease obviously. and i love getting high before a fuck, but i only smoke weed now.
>>689816069
wrecked my car twice, broke shit in my house, broke my leg, stole things, damage to public property, gotten in fights, kicked out of bars, embarrassed myself, broke in a chicks house and snuck into her room (thought id texted her but turned out i never sent the text kek)
yeah i did a lot of fucked up shit. i dont get drunk anymore unless im home and I plan on getting drunk then falling asleep. (i live alone). I'm pretty good about not letting myself get drunk now that I realize I act like an ass and I'll wind up in jail. I also regularly black out if I get drunk which is why I end up doing retarded shit. probably have done more and dont remember/didnt get caught
>>689820505
alccy?
would sooner be a feminist than a dum yank scum cunt mutant dick like youirself
>>689820481
but that's literally what this thread is about
>>689819997
since choking is the insult that came to your mind first, I know you're a specialist at it. black label is the shit
I once blacked out and fucked a 5/10 in front of the entire party (40ish people) on the kitchen table. Didn't pull out. She just came back from a semester in Africa.
>TFW no baby
>TFW no aids
>>689820638
how you said it, faggot, not what you said.
tard!!
>be drunk and stoned at party
>end up in a bedroom with 2 cuties
>lay down flat on my back to try and look cool while smoking a joint
>cuties lay next to me
>stomach turns
>puke all over the cuties hair and arms
>be so embarrassed that i leave the party
Probably fucked up what could have been a threesome and i had to pay 100€ to get the mattress cleaned afterwards. Lesson learned, don't lay on your back when you're drunk as fuck.
m8, there are honestly too many to count
beat the shit out of my girlfriend a few times fucked up off heroin and coke
Gambled all of my life savings away, 82k to be exact
>>689820664
so you're a femenist
>>689816069
>sometime in middle school
>mother is alcoholic
>steal her vodka one night
>drinking it like water
>using desktop computer on fold-out event table
>for no reason at all lean back
>kick monitor off the table
>stand up
>laugh
>fall onto fold out table and computer
>wake up next morning with huge gash scab on my back
>computer shockingly okay
>lived happily ever after
I have better stories but I always love that one
One of the first times I smoked weed I tried losing my virginity to this young slut. When she said she didn't want to go farther than me I made fun of her for having a dead dad and made her cry in my bed.
happens just about everytime I'm high on meth; jrk off to relatives
>>689820909
*with me
probably the best experience tho
made out with my lesb friend and felt her up real nice
but it was shit bcus she is les and would never work out but she is real nice and love her
>>689819999
1-nice quads breh
2- why bother with if it doesnt get you drunk?
>>689816069
commited a felony and got caught
>>689816069
Triedto hiton my cousin, rightnext to my g/f, cousin stopped talkingto me, g/f broke up with me, at least i tried
>>689819656
piss
>>689816069
I got blackout drunk and now I have to pay child support to your mom
>>689821004
my guess is drinking under the age
>Drinking at a party
>Have a bit too much
>Hook up with some older chick
>Both go outside
>Passout halfway through sex
>Wake up, feel like barfing
>Out of no where fucking tackled
>Try and get away but there are two of them
>Suddenly police
>Accused of Rape
>No worries sex was consensual
>dumb bitch says she can't remember
>Get big lawyer
>Get conviected anyway
>Feminazis go after my family, even the judge
>Kicked out of school, banned from my favorite activity, looking at prison, have to register as sex offender for rest of my life
>FML
>>689817648
What a pussy
>>689820241
>knock knock
>who is there
>an alcohol
>>689820737
Are you talking about how i said if i was a girl, that would have been rape?
Am I wrong? I mean, to be real it was rape, but i don't give a shit.
Got drunk, fell in some bushes, stayed in bushes two hours until I got saved
>>689821093
Felony not misdemeanor
Video taped me and my b/ros gangbangin lisa Trudeau and putting it on youporon
>>689821105
Good thing you're only doing six months in jail.
lost my driver's licence, will probably last a year.
drove like a retard (on GBL) and the police stopped me. first they took the licence for about 3 weeks, then i got it back, after 2 months it got taken away again.
i could fucking kill myself, not being able to drive for a fucking year.
>>689821105
Top kek
>>689821283
grow the fuck up I'm 25 and have never had a drivers license
>>689820737
>how you said it, faggot, not what you said
This is text on the internet, he can't "say" something a certain way.
>>689820909
>shit was cash
>>689821268
it is prison faggot and my life is ruined because of that dumb bitch drank too much. Where was her dumb ass sister, sucking some cock probably.
I fucked an insanely fat chick. I mean her body type was just fat tits. She was a walking pair of tits with arms & legs kinda poking out. I cant remember if i liked it.
>>689821416
i'm living in southern germany where theres mostly small villages and shit. not having a drivers licence is atrocious there,
>>689818115
>>689818115
>I cant find guys who want to dominate me, it should be easy.
bottoms are a dime a dozen dude, no matter what city you are in.
make-out with my Ex and start having fellings for her again
>>689821610
Then I truly do apologize for lashing out at you like I did. That shit has got to suck.
>went out with work friends
>got bored with them, started talking up a girl at the bar
>ditched work people, went barhopping with gril
>remember making out furiously with her at next bar
>woke up fully dressed in the alley behind bar next morning surrounded by crowd of people
>never saw her again
>pic related?
>>689816069
DUI
Hit and Run
Assault with a Deadly Weapon
4 Felonies
2 Strikes
>>689818181
>818181
Trip nubs
nutted on a girl in the public. she didnt respond, just looked at me. expressionless. she knew i nutted on her but i guess it took her by surprise and even she didnt know what to do.
I ate a baby. Little black girl. Was already dead tho. Not the whole bit of course. Just a few mouthfuls. Wasn't full term so at least half of her. The following few days, had anxiety attacks every time I had to take a muzlim.
>>689816069
DUI stands out the most
got stabbed talking shit outside a bar at 3 AM
got into it with a bouncer built like Bob Sapp (bad idea)
and then theres all the financial regret. leaving the strip club 2 grand poorer. going so hard on blow that I bleed from the nose for two weeks and dont shit right for days.
>>689819999
A pint is a very small quantity. You are a faggot.
I drink a gallon a week and I don't have any degenerate stories. That would be a pint per day if there were 8 days in a week. Fucking eurofags.
first time i ever got drunk i told this girl to meet me at kmart the next day wake up and this chick was texting me at kmart she walked like a hour and a half there totally wasnt serious about going to kmart
>>689821674
no i mean i live in a town of around 2000 and the nearest city is 2 hours away if you take the highway. every now and then something pops up on one site or another but your right its almost always other bottoms or its at times i cant go because of work.
>>689817648
Stoners, why did he throw up, did he have a green out?
Blacked out at a house party in philly near temple. Find out the next day that I tried to hustle a ton of white powder to a group or armed niggers while saying it was coke. I did lines with them, someone was doing lines off a girls ass. I put the bill we were snorting with into my pocket and we got into a yelling match over it. Friends got me out after finding out I was going to get stabbed. Went back to my friends house and drank more
>>689822147
lol same shit happened to one of my boys before too .. threw up all over the place and passed out for like 30 mins .. bongs are brutal if you dont smoke alot
>>689822051
oh wow look at this big-dicked guy over here he called a pint of liquor a day a "very small amount"
how can i be cool like you?
>>689820828
>Morher is an alcohol
I've done so much fucked up shit when I was drunk, I dont even know where to start. I'm 5'2" (girl) and seriously cannot handle my alcohol at all. I always end up beyond fucked.
I had a threesome with this girl I knew and this disgusting junky guy in this seedy as crack house. After I came too a bit I realised what was happening and got up and left and cried to my friend on the phone who came and picked me up and got me out of there. I dont even know how I got there in the first place.
Fucked my friends boyfriend, too fucked up to really remember anything though.
Came home one night and fell down my current boyfriends steep drive way, knocked myself out on his letter box, he heard the bang and came outside and found me passed out in his driveway.. took me inside and i threw up everywhere and was bleeding profusely on his carpet. He put me in the shower and stuff and apparently i was being a massive bitch to him and broke up with him and stuff, woke up the next day and he had gone to work and I had NO IDEA what had happened. His parents HATE me.
>>689816069
Posted in this thread.
>>689820005
Dad?
>>689822147
He just couldn't handle his weed but kept taking hits, he took more than anyone
At one point he was too high to pack his own bowl
>>689822280
Autisms for the dead?
>be me 17
>bike to friends for some drinks
>bootlegger lives right next door
>get 30 beers drank in about 2 hours
>ready to go home about a mile away, gotta bike it
>start off good then suddenly start going towards ditch
>crash.jpg
>sitting in about half a foot of water in some marsh weeds
>spend thirty minutes trying to find bike, finally find it Let's try this again
>get about 60ft crash again in a big ass ditch
>get out like nothing
>go about another 100ft and crash again
>this time the ditch ate my bike, get near top then fall backwards with bike landing on me
>fuck this start walking home and leave bike
>mfw it took me 3 hrs to bike about a quarter mil
>>689822354
michelle?
>>689819302
yikes dude
>>689822432
I hope at least was an eagle or some sort of bird of prey nearby..
>>689822354
You get drunk and cheat on your boyfriend, come home shitfaced and then YOU break up with him?
It sounds like you're just a massive bitch with daddy issues, the alcohol isn't the problem
>>689822528
No haha. We'd probably get along though.
>>689820005
>>689820289
Never fuck a chick without your wingman.
>>689822354
You know the rules, tits or gtfo
>>689822700
Where did I say I cheated on him?
>>689816069
I logged into my online trading account one night at around 4am after a party and basically bought a shit ton of penny stocks on the nikkei that ended up doing absolutely nothing. Lost just north of $10,000 when it was all done.
i was chillin at the bar with my buddies and ended up getting in a fight With some random spic so we took it outside and after a short tussle I managed to knock him out at which point I went to drag is lifeless body into a small alleyway so he wasn't facedown on on the sidewalk. So I grabbed him by his hair and inadvertently grabbed his ear and ripped the sucker off his head which woke him up at which point he ran away without his ear. I just stood there stupefied with his ear in hand and ended up heading back to my place to get totally wrecked with my boys with some spics ear In my pocket cuz why the fuck not keep it
Month and a half later police showed up and charged me with mayhem
Tried to get on daughter of friend of family at brothers wedding. Note I'm married. Wife had taken kids back to hotel and I stayed because I was best man.
Girl was 19 and we had known their family for years. Start taking to her and she's drunk too. After a while we are rubbing hands. Take her "for a walk" outside holding hands which several others clearly saw.
Head to dark alley on side of where wedding was. Sit down and try to kiss her. She seems like she wants to but knows my wife. Says I'll never leave her (she's right) and we can't do this. She lays in my arms for another 10 min as we debate making out.
All of a sudden my mom and dad come around the corner. OHFUCKOHFUCKOHFUCK. Try to play it off like we were just getting air but they know what's up.
Apparently girls dad who is one of my dads best friends was freaking out asking where daughter was because he thought something happened to her.
Next morning at gift opening neither of them will look at me. Dad and mom have "serious conversation" with me about what happened. FML.
Thankfully shit blew over and even saw her and her dad at her brothers wedding the following summer. Her dad was actually pretty nice to me which was surprising.
Got drunk as fuck, ended up robbing a liquor store, held them at gunpoint, stole some 40z, capped that Chink bitch, got the videotape of the robbery, now I play it for pleasure when I'm alone
>>689822783
You didn't have to say it.
>>689822890
yeah, sure, that happened.
I kissed a boy and rubbed his butt. I'm also a boy.
>>689822946
I didn't cheat on him, never have never will. This was nearly a year ago. We're still together, we laugh about it now but his parents still hate me lel.
>>689819656
Why does the walk man always have such amazing product design?
>>689822890
boyz in the hood?
>>689822354
>>689822741
This. Lets see
>>689823130
mhmmmmm
>>689816069
Me and a buddy were drunk as shit and a 3rd friend was driving us, he was dead clean sober
We went around a rich area smashing car windows and side mirrors in shit, mustve git about 15, 20 vehicles before my buddy noticed a cop car
Instead of casually fleeing the scene my buddy has us duck down and flashed his high beams at the cops to get their attention and drove right beside their vehicle close enough where neither of then could open their doors
My friend "Hey officers, there's 3 cars in a row over there that all have their windows damaged, should I call the non emergency line or is telling you good enough? "
They shot the shit for about a minute before he told my buddy to park in a drive way not in the streets
Good times
>>689823130
I bet you taste like the inside of a leather glove.
>>689822280
Oh I also, blacked out once and cheated on the only woman who has ever ment anything to me, and the only girl I had been with in my life before that, and now I'm a depressed alcoholic.
>>689823422
She eatta da poopoo
>>689823422
Why would I have any reason to lie about cheating on my boyfriend on 4chan? lol. Weird thing to lie about.
>>689823424
I'm conflicted
that's a very shitty thing to do but that was based as fuck playing it off like that
also who else xannies + beer here
>>689823424
Also, the following week with a sling shot and ball barrings from and auto shop, we shot out the windows of my friends weed dealers car. It was for sale and not insured hahaha fuck he was pissed off
>>689819999
Wait, you'd get that drunk off a pint? do you mean a fifth? Cause I used to do a fifth a night one summer. and even then I remembered most of the night.
>>689823642
Who else is dead? Probably no one
>>689823585
Because you don't want to acknowledge it yourself
>>689823642
Yeah I had a vehicle fully broken into and smashed out windows, deck stolen the whole 9 yards about a year later
Karma. It didn't feel good lmao
But I wasn't targeted my neighbours van was fully torched at the same time
>>689823861
Lel kay m9, I might be a shitty drunk but I definitely wouldn't cheat on someone.
>>689823764
I wish i was dead. sadly half a bar and a few beers won't kill you
>party bus to clubs downtown
>40 minute bus ride
>8-10 shots on the bus
>get there and immediately order a jack n coke
>put drink down at what i thought was our table
>go to bathroom, come back and finish drink in one gulp
>order another drink
>black out the second I turned around from the bar, it's 11:00 PM
>black back in at 3:45 in the morning wandering a fairly shady neighborhood 37 blocks from where the club is
>sit down in front of a churchs chicken, random stranger walks by on their way home from work and asks if i need help
>He talks to my sister on the phone for for me because I'm slurring so badly I can't get any words out, gives her address and says i can sit on his living room floor
>Remember walking up some steps to his apartment, sitting down on floor and just vacantly staring at it while he gives me a few glasses of water
>black out again for 45-hour
>black back in to him waking me up, says family is here
>walk out to 6 police cars and my mom and sister in hysterics
>it's 6 AM
>Remember some of drive home. get home at 6:45 and pass out
>Wake up at 4:45 PM the next day
>Go to hospital "sorry Anon, roofies only in your system for a few hours, but it sure sounds like you got roofied"
No more party buses after that one
Fucked a nigger.
Married an obvious whore.
Sold my.motorcycle.
>>689824045
>Doing half a bar
You must not even have a tolerance, stop acting cool and suicidal just cause you took half a xanny once
was on a family vacation, went out drinking this strange and intense liquor. took 5 shots in a row. next thing I know I'm in my dad's bed naked and covered in shit. it's all over the floor and the walls. i couldnt operate the bathroom, completely disrobed, took massive shit on the floor and stumbled thru it all the way to the nearest though occupied bed. it's been years since, my father will never forget it
>>689824037
How can you be so sure? You say you got so drunk you don't remember how you got to a crackhouse, fucked your friends boyfriend, but yet you somehow KNOW you would never cheat?
Worst mistake was getting a dui, which led to a possession charge.
>drinking at home, alone
>wasted
>run out of beer
>remember that i have a six pack in my car
>can barely walk downstairs
>get to my car, find beer, and immedietly pass out over the front seat
>passerby calls the cops
>arrested
Had some weed in my car too and the cops ripped my car apart and found it
>>689824247
>cool and suicidal
lol where did you grow up that suicidal tendencies were cool?
>>689824482
cool AND suicidal
Silly bear
I once got arrested for public intoxication while completely sober. Cops were wondering why I was walking out late. I was tired and I messed up a field sobriety test, next thing I knew he threw me in the back of a cop car. The judge bought it because I was a college student and "All college students drink"
>>689824247
I'm poor and i want to save the other half for tomorrow, okay? I took 3 over the course of the day, they are 2mg by the way. Not trying to act cool, if i was, i would mention the time i mixed 400mg DXM, 60mg hydrocodone and 2 bars, then finished off a half bottle of some cheap ass Skol vodka
>>689824247
kek
>tumblrlink
>>689824293
I don't go to house parties or anything anymore, that's when that stuff happened. I'm not gonna fuck someone in a club lol, I'm always with my friends and they would be like what the fuck are you doing. I always go back to my boyfriends house, unlikely I would go back to someones house. Not remembering stuff the next day is different to not knowing what you're doing at the time. Pretty sure I could be almost dead and still know if I was about to cheat on someone and be like "wait, this is a bad idea'.
>>689822280
I lived on 7th and master for like a year. Which is like right near there. Niggers are pretty shitty around there.
>>689816069
Don't know about biggest mistake but... something sick/funny....
Was at a shitty bar, kinda popular but a known shit hole. Had to piss real bad. I showed up drunk as fuck... When into bathroom they have one of them hand pump soap dispensars
Kinda like the one in the pic but clear.... I noticed it was really low... Soap was already yellow
So i pissed in it and put it back
All night i watched a few people walk out of bar and smell their hands.
KEKEK
>>689824482
Suicidal Tendencies were pretty big in the early nineties.
>>689819999
I feel your pain anon. I quit for a while myself, but fell off 3 days ago. Whenever I'm sober, I think about alcohol all the time. It gets easier with time but the temptation is always too real for me- even if I've been sticking it out for a while. But best of luck...
>>689824794
You didn't consider fucking your friends boyfriend to be a bad idea?
>>689824375
suck BS
>>689824872
>>689824833
It would have been alot cooler if you had hiv
>>689817985
Nothing wrong with that.
I was really shit faced, drinking all day long with friends... there was girl I wanted to fuck named Julie, but she hadn't shown up that night to hang out with us and I barely knew her (that's less of a problem than you would think). Anyways the night was winding down and there was another chunky girl there, I was like..... fuck it, gonna fuck it. Everyone in the room was ready to pass out..
>"I need to drink more..."
>"anon, I have more booze in my dorm room".
>"later faggots."
Leave the room, out in the hallway and she is all over me. We hit up another dorm room party, snag a bottle of wine and head to her room, chugging on the way.
Get her on her bed, she dims the lights.
Pulls out a giant bowl of condoms.....
>just for those not paying attention, a girl pulling out a giant bowl of condoms is a pretty bad sign...
So, I slip on a condom, she's wet asf already, start nailing it. No bragging, I couldn't go balls deep without her twitching in pain (ego booster). I'm still hitting for like 10 minutes like a jack rabbit when all of a sudden someone opens the door.....
**Keep in mind the room is practically pitch black**
>Oh, hey. Didn't know you had company! Sorry.
>"oh, haha, it's just me and anon"
>me: oh shit, sorry, didn't know you had a roommate"
>roommate, "Do you guys mind if I just stick around, I don't mind you guys fucking"
>Me: "I'm totally fine with it..."
>Girl I'm fucking, "hahaha, you know how I roll, it's fine!"
**take note, a girl with a giant bowl of condoms and a roommate who is used to walking in on her getting fucked is a bad sign**
>Roommate: "wait.... is that anon?"
>Me: "??"
>Roomate: "Anon, it's me Julie, I recognize your voice!!!"
**At this point I realize it is Julie... the girl I had every intention of fucking on this visit to my friends place.**
>Me: Oh, hey.... (too drunk to say anything witty or to wrangle a three-way)
>>continued.
>>689824037
shut the fuck up or take off your shirt. you are a dude and your story is bullshit.
I was 17, and we weren't good friends, more like aquantainces. I said to him more than once 'this is a bad idea, aren't you still with ___' (i didn't know for sure) and he told me he wasn't, then he was like 'don't worry about it, she would do it to you anyway'. it was weird. i felt guilty and i wouldn't do it now but i was kind of a fucked up teenager. he sent me a message the next day apologising.
>>689824293
Why do you even give a shit autismo?
>>689819853
How did that go?
>>689825350
you mad bro?
>>689825350
Why would I show my tits to some gross ass virgin on /b/
Got a fairly bad wound to the side of my head/face (under my ear (28ish stitches also had to burn something)) while trying to stop a fight near the nightclub I left
thats not that old you fucking kike
>>689825623
Because I'm drunk and emotionally disturbed and have a grudge against cheaters.
>>689825799
Implying your a fucking goddess
Pussy probably smell like a dumpster
>>689820522
I wish anon, I wish.
Staying at parties. As soon as I was borderline drunk I realised I would rather be at home than with a bunch of socially retarded monkeys.
>>689825799
sure thing billy bob.
>>689825955
lolololol
>>689822859
If that's true you're lucky things blew over. Quit while you're ahead man. What'll be at most a few hours of fun, and most likely a few minutes, could end up being something you regret for as long as you can remember.
>>689822714
Kek
>>689824121
>11:00-3:45
Damn i bet you sucked so much dick or ate so much obese pussy in those 4hrs
>>689816069
confessed
>>689817593
Yes it was your fault dumpster slut
>army fag
Goit drunk in the field, tried to fight sme NCOs, pissed on another dudes shit.
Found out about all of it in the COs office as I was issued my Art15.
Shit sucks, but I kept E4 cause I didn't actually strike anyone. Spent some time filling sand bags and lost half my pay for a while though.
>>689825319
finish it
I ran from cops at a party while it was pitch black out and I ran into a tree knocking myself out
Threatened to stab a weab in the throat and throw his shitty ass mac out the window because he stole my money and refused to give it back. This incident ended up with 3 of my good buds hating me for at least 2 weeks, not because I almost killed this Death Grips worshiping, vape-addicted pussy, but because I allegedly scared the shit out of one of my closest friend's gf's, who was also high as shit. They stayed at my place for at least another 3 hours before leaving.
>>689826486
lol u fuck
>>689816069
had sex with married cousin who ended up pregnant and kid is almost 100% mine
>>689826646
Classic.
>>689816069
Urinated out of a second story deck while intoxicated, passed out, fell off and broke my neck.
>>689819589
Call your mom faggot.
>>689826486
Yeah I hate when you're PTF-ing and a GV fucks with your HRO. Totally set me back in my 3R92 S 9mm HDTV.
>>689820289
Holly mother fucking hell
Perfect
You sir are a kekromancer
Ok anons and femanons, listen the fuck up.
>be me, sophomore in college
>in a frat, pretty cool dude 8)
>go to a huge party one night lookin to fuck
>straight chillin with my bud Oscar
>thenameisphillipsoscarphillips.mp4
>shotsshotsshotsshots.wav
>get super drunk, not feeling great
>stumble into the bathroom
>shitshit blacking out
>wake up in a bed somewhere
>feel something sticky on my face
>whatthefuckisgoingon.mp3
>see Oscar zipping up his pants
>my best friend drugged me and nutted on my face
>then it hit me:
>Oscar
>Oscar Philips
>OP
And that was when I learned that OP is a huge fucking faggot.
>>689822859
How old were you? Did you talk to the girl again? Does your wife know?
I was wicked stoned at this college party, I was still in high school, and someone offered me acid, which I had never done before. I took all three thinking what's the worst that could happen and then the acid kicked in
>>689827186
That story gave me cancer
>banged down the door of a lesbian couple in my apartment building thinking it was a friends door
>tried to stab a guy
>had sex with a fat girl
>sucked a dick
>got a OWI/DUI
>cut the living shit out of my leg
>cut the living shit out of my arm
>fell down a flight of stairs
>drunk texted all of the wrong people, all the time
>got in a fight with my landlord's handy man
>was an abusive boyfriend
I don't drink anymore.
>>689826739
thats hot
>>689826303
I knew I walked the 37 blocks because when I woke up the next day I could barely walk from my calves and feet hurting so much.
Apparently when I blacked out, I sat down on the curb in front of the club waiting for the bus to take us back, but got impatient after about an hour and just started walking in one direction.
When i look back on it I have a vague memory of walking through a train yard. Fucking miracle I didn't get hit by a freight train or something
>>689827475
Is your name Matt
>be in Okinawa
>drunk as fuck with friends
>sitting on the side of a cocos mart
>some yankis drive up on their gay moped
>friend calls them gay
>they walk inside cocos
>5 minutes later they walk out
>one of them comes up to the corner where friend was and pulls dick out
>starts pissing on my friend that called them gay
>took us like 5 seconds to notice it cause we're pissed ass drunk
>they hop on their moped and drive off
>we all start roasting friend who got pissed on
>an hour later we get picked up and hed to american village
>walk to sea wall
>chillin like villians still drunk as fuck
>decide to head to saga
>at the end of the sea wall we see the two yankis chillin with friends
>we go hurry and buy roman candles and some other firecrackers
>come back to seawall
>friend sneaks up and punches the living Christ out of one them
>we start shooting them with roman candles
>run off to saga meet up with friends and some chicks and head to a beach to get even more drunk
good times
Woke up on south beach miami at 5 in the morning with a gun hanging out my mouth. Havr not drank since.
>>689825319
After that awkward realization that Julie was her roommate and a brief chat... my dick still buried in friend... I get back to work.
She's hollering up a storm, probably quieter than before her friend walked in the room, but if you were her neighbor you would be concerned.
>"omg anon, you're so fucking big!! blehbleh"
>"omg go down on me!"
>>>MFW "omg go down on me..."
I try to ignore her. I'm not putting my mouth anywhere near that thing... Just keep banging away.
>I start noticing all of the used condom wrappers around the place
All of a sudden, she cums hard as fuck... squirter.
I should mention, she was kind cute in the face in that nerdy glasses Mei from Overwatch way, but chunky to fat in the body.
She pushes me back, tries to pull of condom to suck my dick. Hhaha.
>I'm like, "nah, I need to hear you scream a little more for the company"
>roommate: "mmm" she's sitting on her bed, like on a pillow reading something on her cellphone, enough light from the phone to see she is rubbing one out under her covers...
I slip on another condom, start fucking more. A few minutes later...
>"fuckbleh anon, I need you to eat me"
She flips back around to her back, tries to force my head down there.
lol, fukkin nope.
I throw her legs up behind her head, jackhammer style, just destroy her shit. The fucking wall next to her bed was dripping at this point.
>turbo drunk dick falters...
>pull off condom and unload on her tits...
I shit you not, she goes to blow me and I pretend to fall backwards from exhaustion onto her bed.
>"anon, ready for round 2?!!"
I fucking bail so hard. Throw on my pants, make some idiotic excuse about losing my wallet or something.
Biggest mistake?? Fucked a fatty. Patience would've gotten me Julie, who was this hot posthardcore,punk,hippie,tattoed type chick.
Got myself tested afterwards. Came back clean... I didn't make another mistake like that for at least a few more years.
Still mad.
>>689828076
Sea walls are fuckin lit
>>689827919
Close, but no.
>>689819589
adultwork
>>689816069
i killed 50 faggots in a disco.. oh wait, that was a dream I had when i was drunk
>>689823253
Nah more like Don't be a Menace to South Central While Drinking Your Juice In The Hood.
>>689820165
fuck yeah
> that fat girl had needs
> not like you were using your dick
> wymyn can't rape
>>689828262
they were when i first got there but MPs starting busting down hard on it so died down alot
>>689823253
You mean Menace II Society?
>>689828254
Julie must have been keen after this tho
>>689823076
It's a scene from the movie Menace II Society
>>689820910
meth: so many success stories.
>>689828254
that's actually hot as fuck. would love to do this but I can't fuck that good
>drinking with mates
>16 beers later
>decide driving home is sweet
>everyone begs me to stay/get a cab
>fuckit.jpeg
>instantly reverse into parked car fucking up the whole side of it
>speed off
>feel bad for weeks
I don't drink drive anymore.
>>689829123
some chicks are just really orgasmic, I really don't think I had much to do with it outside of having whisky n' wine dick.
I've been with girls who cum like 5-6 times in a twenty minute session. These days, my wife I literally cannot get to cum from just fucking... only oral or the super involved and time consuming breaking out the massage oils and doing that fingering gspot trick.
>>689816069
Shot a man in Reno just to watch him die.
>>689822354
>His parents HATE me.
Why? You sound like such a catch.
>>689829555
True I have had that before now that you mention it. She was a squirter too. It's my dream to fuck a girl like that infront of another girl though, especially one I liked and the slut is screaming about my dick. damn one day. how big are you btw?
>>689828960
Ahh.. but that never came to be. The next morning I woke up in a bed with two other girls (I didn't fuck either of them), but when I woke up a few people knocked on the door... I was super foggy, still drunk... one of them was really fucking hot. She was friends with both of the girls I was in bed with, and a few days later when I was back home I got the friends to bring her to a party at my place..... started dating a month or so afterwards.
Ten years later married to her. One kid with another on the way.
Still butthurt that I didn't fuck Julie though, lol
>>689826486
Did you file a HSV-B grievance and if so, did they give you a GTFO-M8 notice with a CUCK stamp?? I hope they did or you got fucked there...
>>689830095
Not even that big, probably like a decent girth 6.5". I have no clue why girls think I'm big... I had a friend who walked around with a flaccid 7", looked a fucking babies arm when he was hard.
He was the destroyer of vag.
>>689819974
Gallardo is that you?
>>689823707
bit of a dimwit shitstain, aren't you?
>>689830228
>>689826959
Yeah, got it.
>Drank when I wasn't supposed to
>Tried fighting higher ranking soldiers
>Pissed on another soldiers shit
>Got extra duty and a fine
>Kept my rank only cause I didn't hit anyone, so really just acted like an asshole
Happy now fags?
>>689822051
Half gallon a night. Fuck off.
>>689820005
i fucked his mom without a falcon
>>689816069
Attempted suicide
>down a 1/4 of everclear and OJ
>go to concert
>become separated from friend
>black out
>wake up in ER covered in vomit
Apparently I got escorted to the paramedics.
My friend found me, but the cops were trying to take me to jail.
Friend tried taking me back to the car.
Fucking took a piss in front of the cops.
They loaded me up in the ambulance after that.
>>689830095
shit, now that you mention it, yeah, that third party in the room aspect was completely awesome. at that point in my life though I was with a group of friends who were super into getting shitfaced and naked at parties and I really didn't appreciate it that much at the time, but I've had that happen a few times.
Another times was with one of the girls I mentioned who came like 5 times in a fuck session. We were at a party, then went upstairs into someones room. Two small twin size beds like 5 feet apart from each other, me nailing that girl, my friend fucking his chick in the other bed. My good friend down the hall drunkingly finger fucking the shit out of his girl in a kids bed.... in the morning we find out his girl was on her period. LOL!! Bed looked like a fucking Dexter murder investigation scene, .lol.
Good times.
i asked my girlfriend's 15 year old cousin if i could pay her for a lapdance
The lynching...
>>689832181
lol, how old were you?
>Be me
>15 at time
>16 birthday is actually this friday
>Dad forces me to go with him to shitty work party
>Boring as hell out on some horse farm
>House is big af though
>Sitting on my phone browsing through gay fur porn in gallery(no internet connection)
>50 year old ass dude materializes behind me
>"Watcha looking at buckaroo?"
>Ohfucknigger.gif
>Drop my phone and freak out
>Think he saw the screen
>He doesn't care, turns out he just wanted to tell me about his life
>Bruh.bat
>Tells me 30 min story about about his career as a swamp cooler installer in tucson(I live in Arizona)
>For some reason get really thirsty while he's talking to me
>When he finishes I try to get a drink but there isn't any water around
>I go to the refreshments table and find a second bowl of punch that looks like its for later
>We have a lotta punch rn so I decide it would be okay to drink it
>Down nearly entire bowl
>Go to sit on couch
>Some old chick tries to talk to me
>"Um anon, your breath smells like vomit"
>I realize it kinda does
>She walks away
>Sitting on couch trying to figure out what I drank
>Party goes by, sit on my phone for like three hours
>All of a sudden my dad calls my name
>Try to get up, but as I rise, my whole body shuts down
>Massive head ache, legs feel numb, stomach is uneasy
>Barely make my way to the dining room
>Everyone is pissed off cuz someone drank all the punch from the ALCOHOLIC punch bowl
WhathaveIdone.jpg
>True fear passes through me
>Everyone is looking at me
>Old chick winks at me
>Almost shit my pants
>Hostess notices that I'm uneasy
>She takes me outside to see the horses
>"Blah blah blah blah, we got this one at..."
>She leaves me alone after a while
>I chill on outdoor lawn chair
>Sun goes down
>I rise from my chair and discover my stomach pains have subsided, and are now in the form of liquid shit pooling in my rectal cavity
>Not too bad, but I can't run
>Waddle over to horses
>Notice all of them except for one are female
Continue?
>>689822147
Kid is honestly a pussy, that's the only valid explanation.
i shot a man in reno
Woke up on the sidewalk with no money, no shoes, one sock, and one handcuff on my left wrist.
I went to a huge house party on new years on 6 hits of the most loopy acid ive ever had (without knowledge at the time) I dropped and started tripping so hard in the party that when I would be in one room, responses, words, everything would happen when i'd leave so I couldnt help but go into every room in the house over and over and over again looking for help of some sort. I walked into the owners parents room while they were sleeping and almost jumped on the bed but got kicked out right afterwards. Got lost in the woods but my mates found me. Scary ass time
>>689833893
(pic related)
>>689833401
i used to be a cop in reno. it was alright i guess untill the station signed a contract with a tv company and started filming us. me, a black guy, a black chick with a huge ass, someugly ass bitch, a female cop with big titties and a (closeted) gay cop got shit canned because of the shit we were filmed doing. apparently alot of the things we were doing were "illegal" and morally wrong. glad outta that shit hole
>>689827186
you lost me at straight chilling
>>689820760
Learn to hold your shit.
>>689822354
wow. you sound like a real piece of shit
Told schoolmates i was adopted and that i inhertited 4mil usd from my dead dad.
Bad part is that i spent like 6years in school with them and was a total loser and loner, and probably looked poor
>>689833893
>>689833940
Where the hell do you live that you get awesome wrapped up acid like that? Mine is always some strip out of some hippies pocket that looks like typing paper.
Starting going through psychosis while on LSD
and started scratching at the walls and screaming (In joy)
while my mom was crying at the facial expression i was making
>>689834369
Honestly what I was thinking, but mine come with cool keyboard design or panda design
>>689817515
Same, tried to hook up with uglies and now I'm known as a shit person.
>>689828630
holy shit that movie was so godddamned retarded
>>689816069
Fell asleep with my head in a urinal at my wife's cousin's wedding.
>>689822890
Don't be a menace?
>>689834369
Deep web friend
>>689834699
Worst feeling in the world man. Thats why I refuse to go to parties now on LSD I will only sit alone in my room maybe with 2-3 close friends thats it
Puked in the bathroom at disneyland and got kicked out. Guess that wasn't so magical.
Decided to not kill myself
>>689835262
I say stick to mushrooms. Better high by a mile, great body high, not overly erratic feeling etc etc.. visuals aren't as nice, but I've never had a problem with them.
I'd like to try mescaline, but I swear I've never seen any in NJ and never had a single friend that has either.
>>689818115
Florida is nice this time of year...
>>689819089
That isn't old
>>689835262
It was a learning experience, why live in regret? Now i know how to handle myself on LSD
