>Sit down
>have atomic assplosion into toilet
>there's no toilet paper in my entire house
Wat do /b/?
Sharpie in pooper until you can buy tp.
Shower
Get in the shower and clean your asshole with Head and Shoulders shampoop.
Use your sock
>>686725060
>ask me to bring you one
>i bring new roll of tp like good beta faggot i am
>you wipe
>i suck you off in the shower
>>686725060
If super necessary just use your hand, then hop in the shower.
Use paper that's been tossed in the trash can if you keep one in the bathroom.
Use the hands god gave you.
Get!
Pull up pants and go to store and buy toilet paper then proceed to ask clerk where the rest room is.
>>686725639
found the britbong.
>>686725485
>Using shampoo designed specifically for your shoulders and head.
Fucking idiot.
Use paper towels
>>686725485
Why specifically Head and Shoulders?
one time i used printer paper dampened in water. it sucks but it will work. newspaper dampened would work aswell
>>686725878
It kills all the poo germs
Simple. Take a shower.
>>686726056
The shampoopooing poopoo germ depoopinator
>>686725060
use paper towels
>become selfconscious
>contemplate suicide
On bright side you wont have to buy tp
>>686725807
>shampoo designed specifically for your shoulders
>>686726426
duct tape is more efficient
>>686725429
>>686725485
>>686725608
>>686726119
OP here, sucks this may be the most likely outcome. I just got out of a 4 hour fapathon in the shower and I really don't want to go back in.
>>686725872
>>686726426
I may do that to avoid the shower but I've done that before and it's tears up my asshole
>>686726587
>implying that's not already the case
>>686726685
I hope you have a shared bathroom so whoever showers next reeks of shit.
>>686725753
Brits say rubbish bin not trash can you dumb fucking American kike
Call 911, when police arrive tell them to bring you toilet paper.
So op, is your poopoo hole depoopinated yet, or you still looking for materials to assist in poopoo hole Depoopination?
Waddle through the house, looking for napkins/paper towels.
>>686725060
become an hero
>>686726426
Might as well use razor blades at that point.
Either way your asshole will be left scarred.
>>686726961
Still sort of looking. Attempted paper towels. As to not clog my toilet I didn't drop it down in, but on the way out I got shit all over my balls and hand.
>>686725060
go have a shower then you dumbfuck.
lick ya hands when your done boi
>>686727205
How tf do you get shit on your balls?
>>686727202
I have done this many times. You must have some cheap ass paper towels
>>686725807
> >Using shampoo designed specifically for your shoulders and head.
>shoulders
>mfw
>>686725060
Shove this up your ass
>>686725639
>what the fuck.
the correct answer is...
just fucking shower.
>>686725060
Use the core. Idiot
>>686727358
I wouldn't know, I use toilet paper, like a normal person who plans ahead for situations like this would.
>>686725060
use your socks OP
also this>>686727867
>>686725060
Raggedy shirt + grocery bag.
Dampen the shirt.
Wipe your ass.
Put shirt in bag.
Throw in neighbors trash can or yard.
>>686725807
>shampoo designed for your shoulders
Try wearing underwear for once, it negates the need for toilet paper
You Americans are so wasteful.. maybe someday you will catch up to the rest of the world
He's never heard of the 3 sea shells
sich meme
>>686728244
>Try wearing underwear for once, it negates the need for toilet paper
No it doesn't you disgusting mexican
Well first I make sure I have toilet paper before I shit.
>>686726685
> 4 hour fapathon in the shower
Super laff.
How the fuck did you even have enough hot water? Did you just fap in the cold water for 3 hours after it ran out?
>>686728336
kek wow you're nerdy
Diapers for dirty ass
Maximum kek
How have you not died in life if you can't solve this problem on your own
>>686725060
you usually masturbate when you take a dump so why not use the pile of your grandmas panties that you usually sniff to wipe your ass?
>>686728613
>finish round one
>turn down the heat to not waste the hot water
>have some Gatorade
>jump back in for round 2
>repeat
Tryin to get sponsored by Red Bull
>>686729384
Close
>>686725060
Do what I do when there is no shitpaper in the house... Finish your dump, stand up, get naked if you aren't already, hop in the shower... turn that bitch on... turn around, spread your asscheeks, and let the water wash your asshole FOR you. Once it's good and rinsed off, soap that fucker up and just take a shower while you're in there. Bam! Clean asshole, with no TP.
You're welcome.
>>686730093
Why do you wipe?
>>686729384
then what am I going to beat off to, genius?
Someone show their ass
OP here
Thanks for the help guys
Just used my hand
>>686731434
But how clean...is your ass?
>>686731514
You piece of shit don't tempt him!
>>686731608
Yes yes
>>686731514
>>686731608
.....
We gotta know
>>686731434
Nice chocolate retard
>>686725807
>shampoo designed specifically for your shoulders
>>686731434
>31434▶
>File: IMG_20160529_042037.jpg (1.4 MB, 2428x3
Lift the seat, then lower your arse into the bowl, then flush. Should wash it all off.
Just sit on the sink and wash your ass like you would your hands. It's kinda like a bidet.
Wash your butt. Install a bidet, you neanderthal.
>>686725060
Drag my ass across the floor, what else?
Just take off your shirt and wipe with that. Seems obvious really
Get in the shower and use your hand. Any time i take a shit before a shower i just skip the tp, and use my hand, its so clean my gf sticks her tongue in it. Also if there is some ass hole i dont like, i shake his hand with my left hand.
>>686733723
Why don't you skip the toilet and just shit in the shower?
>>686734055
Well that would be a little over kill, one must have standards.
OP here. I decided to wipe my ass with my white t shirt. Wanna see?
>>686734954
Go on...