I want to kill myself. I don't want my family to be butthurt. How do I make it look like an accident.
Bonus points for not very painful.
Pic unrelated.
Shallow water black out.
Basically you hyperventilate for a minute then submerge yourself under water and hold your breath as long as you can.
The hyperventilation will artificially extend the amount of time until you feel the need to breathe, but it wont increase your blood's O2 saturation. So you'll pass out before you feel like you're suffocating, and then drown. You can do it in the bathtub. Make it look like you fell asleep in there.
>>685912724
hang self with dick in hang
"masturbation gone wrong"
Why man, why do you want to kill yourself
>>685912981
>>685913321
People would figure both out. Try harder. I need a real "he screwed up," sort of thing.
If it helps. I'm an engineer. I could just shove my head into a piece of machinery, but that would hurt.
>>685913516
5'9" computer scientist working at a university with no money, and I weigh 270 lbs. I'm not getting thinner. I'm not getting taller. Everyone abuses me. It's time to be done.
>>685913632
No they wouldn't you idiot. Nearly nobody even knows about the shallow water black out. If you just want a "creative ways to die" thread, then make it.
>>685912724
Suicide doesn't end the pain, it just transfers it.
>>685913632
well how about drinking and driving off a cliff? that says accident
>>685912724
OP's dad here.
Just kill yourself, I stopped loving you after you came out of the closet to your mom. You asked her not to tell me, but she did.
I'd rather have a dead son than a faggot son.
>>685912724
Bro how old are you ?
>>685914230
Gasp but daddy I love you like I really want to fuck you
>>685914025
Who gives a shit? They'll get over it. I'm not a likable person. I'm in my 30s. I live with roommates. Not friends, roommates. My parents never aimed for me to be popular or even really have friends. I was smart in school, but nobody tracked me to be successful. I've scraped, and fought, and done everything, and it has led me nowhere. I sleep for like 12 hours a day because I don't want to deal with the day, but I have to get up and keep my head afloat working at a job that I don't even like because it's my "passion," and without it, I literally would have nothing. People pick fights with me. People create shit. On the rare occasion that I have a date, it's with a fucking cow and she abuses me.
This ends tonight.
>>685914089
My parents know that I don't drink and drive (a family friend was killed by a drunk driver when I was a kid).
>>685914230
>>685914446
Guys. I'm trying to be serious here. Can we not entirely derail this?
>>685914381
30's. That's how far you're getting. I'm not getting doxxed and becoming a news story about how 4chan convinced me to kill myself. You guys wanna help out? Cool. You don't wanna help out, I don't care.
>>685914461
take a train or a bus as far as you can go, if you're serious about doing this. go as far away as you can and try to find meaning, and if you can't just off yourself somewhere nobody will find you. ez
>>685914506
hmmmm.......how about choking on some food? People die that way, like maybe some cake or meat or something? idk
>>685914709
I live thousands of miles from where I grew up and the only thing that I have of value is my career. It's headed down the toilet.
No thanks.
>>685912724
Pretend you want to be one of those people who takes pictures of themselves hanging from tall buildings and just fall off
>>685914829
That seems like an unpleasant way to go, but if it happens organically, I'll let nature do the rest.
My grandmother died of respiratory failure. It didn't look pleasant.
>>685914879
I'm not stupid like those people. I'm not becoming a newspaper headline about a dumb tourist. Try harder.
>>685914598
There is no painless way to die. Suffocation or pills or quick
>>685914949
so you want a pleasant way to kill yourself that looks accidental? Why not OD on heroin?
>>685914461
I'm sorry it has come to this, I really am. All I can say is shit changes, all of the time shit changes. I'm a lot older than you and have put up with a fair amount of crap, we all do. I'm glad I didn't check out.
>>685914833
>going to kill himself tonight, apparently
>too scared of leaving everything behind
k bud, too much of a coward to even kill yourself i see.
You're picky for someone who wants to die. The suffocation thing was actually pretty smart. Why do you want to die anyway?
>>685912724
Vote Hillary
Od on heroin. Furthest thing from pain and you'll just look like a junkie
>>685915060
I'm sure that barbiturates are painless. Overdosing on opiods probably is.
>>685915033
Wants to kill himself, not stupid
>>685915350
Or just plain fun
>>685912724
Guy you are 30. You are young. If I were you I would travel in Europe, over there you'll find the peace
>>685915151
I was unpopular as a child. It set me up for failure. At like 4 I was scoring highly on those stupid little IQ tests where they get you to draw something. I had a few rough years grade-wise because of bullying. I worked my butt off. I tested into the gifted program at my school, but the teachers didn't want me because I was "immature" so I didn't get in. I had the 2nd highest SAT in my school, but was ranked at the bottom of the top 3rd grade-wise. I was recruited by Brown, but with no money, went to a truly terrible state school. I scraped. I fought. I got into a good masters program and a good PhD program, but not top. I defended my thesis and had one of the best theses in my year. I won all kinds of awards.
The payoff is that I'm broke, never landed a faculty post, am not a scientist anywhere, and live in a place where people don't even value my intelligence.
I don't see any path away from this. I don't see a route where I get the pretty girl. Hell, I can't even talk to them because, psychologically, all I see is them being bitches to me. I politely walk away.
I'm done. I'm just politely walking away.
People get butthurt when it's suicide, but they sure don't give a fuck when you're living. I don't need another 60 years of this.
Well the door is always open. You can always wait. Suicide is a sad and beautiful thing
Ok ok here it is OP. You're going to want to try every type of drug out there only once. Meth, heroin, shrooms, acid, and especially DMT. And after your "journey" if you still want to die. Overdose
>>685915126
Nobody is going to believe that I just "got into heroin."
If you're going to kill yourself why the fuck do you give a shit about how your family is going to feel? YOU'RE FUCKING DEAD.
>>685915161
Huh? I just don't want my mother to take it personally.
>>685915261
Read the other replies.
>>685915657
What I'm doing right now, and it worked no shit - listen to this guy op
>>685915307
She'll just kill all of the men anyway.
>>685912724
Pic should be related
>>685915315
I've addressed the heroin thing already.
>>685915772
well start getting into that shit dumbass, it might take some time but start drinking more then move on to drugs, then od a month from now or a few weeks and your dead. I am out of ideas so think for yourself "not a dummy"
>>685915633
There are valid reasons to want to die.
>>685915762
Anon here, where do obtain these things?
>>685912724
you dying everyday.
>>685915657
I can't afford that shit, bro.
>>685915999
Shit idk deep web I guess
>>685915720
What does that even mean? In over 30 years of life, I've had like 3 happy ones. I'm not shooting for another 6 by dealing with 54 shitty ones.
Hypothermia. Fill your bathtub with ice and get blackout drunk. Take some aspirin to dilate your veins. You'll die of hypothermia before you wake up. By the time anyone finds you it'll just be water.
>>685915762
I'm not cool enough to get drugs. Not real ones, at least. I can get all of the pot I want.
>>685915828
Because I love them and care about them.
>>685915891
Agreed.
>>685916191
I'm pretty sure that an autopsy would reveal this.
Because parents aren't butthurt when their kids die accidentally
>>685916648
They'd understand an accident.
>>685916311
These stupid feelings of yours won't matter when you're dead, because when you're dead don't feel guilt, sadness etc. dumbass. Trust me. Your family will eventually move on and forget about you. And the moment they forget you ever existed, that is the moment you are truly dead.
>>685916702
You underestimate the grieving mind. People do some irrational shit when stuff like that happens sometimes.
You're going to hurt someone regardless, so stop being a pussy and blow your fucking brains out. I'll be following you shortly
>>685916474
So? A cold bath to sober up sounds like a rational idea.
>>685916933
Nah just make them hate you before you kill yourself.
>>685916037
Man , you must move don't waste your time at search how dead. Go away!!!!. In Asia the life is really cheap and the women too ;). When you will have some children you will love your fucking life. Sorry for my English I'm French
>>685912724
If you are having thoughts of suicide you should go to the hospital
>>685916246
Deep web bro
>>685916913
It's still a lot to put them through.
>>685917633
So what? Not your problem anymore, you're dead. Do you understand what that means?
>>685912724
Are you any brothers or sisters?
>>685917769
I never believed suicide was selfish and they are adults. He has no dependents. Still, suicidal doesn't mean you've stopped caring you just want a way out. Your caring made you suicidal
>>685918188
Anon has a point
>>685916037
get a loan and run
>>685918188
Did you just get 2 dubs in a row?
So basically faggot that doesn't really want to kill himself because they still have ties with people they do not want to break. All I know is that people who don't want to kill themselves because they don't want to hurt others or feel something don't understand death or don't actually want to kill themselves, then they are just asking for attention/seeking help in their way.
just screwed up my first and probably last relationship. now i screwed up everything in my live. time to go.
>26 years alone, kissles virgin faggot
>met girl
>girl gorgeous and full of live
>need 2 years to get into a relationship (long dist)
>had some kind presex very hot
NO BONER
>2 weeks later visitig her at her plae for a week
>first night into hot sex
>dick in vag
BONER GONE
>day after same, she full naked in front of me
NO FUCKING FUCKING BONER
>she turns more and more cold
>days past we do nothing
>kissed last time saturday, she keeps being distant, never sitting close to me
>yesterday left
>cried for hours in bus
am i asexual? or was i just to nervous?
but doesnt matter anyway, she is gonne from my life anyway.....
pic rel
>>685912724
fall asleep with the car running in the garage cause you just barley made it home from a party or some shit idk.
>>685918553
What is there to understand about death? Your dead. Everyone understands it. Some people have these feelings but don't ask for help or talk about it and then they do it or don't. The only thing to understand is that its not an easy decision. Sane people don't wake up and say "what a nice day. I think I'll commit suicide."
>>685913632
How about an electrocution accident? Like find a way to kill yourself quickly but looks like you were trying to fix something? Like I was trying to fix the toaster in the bath, but I am sure you can come up with something better since you are an engineer.
>>685913701
Well you checked all the boxes. Go ahead and kill yourself faggot.
>>685919047
THAT THERE IS NOTHING PASSED IT AND NOTHING MATTERS AFTER IT. YOU ARE FUCKING DEAD. THOSE DECISION ARE WHEN YOU ARE FUCKING ALIVE, NO NEED TO UNDERSTAND THAT SHIT ATM. JUST UNDERSTAND WHEN YOU CHOOSE DEATH, EVERYTHING DOESN'T MATTER ANYMORE.
>>685913701
On the bright side, think of how biomass you'll be adding back to the environment. And when anthropologists dig you up in 1000 years nobody will know you were fat and worthless
>>685912724
Don't do it man, when you have nothing to live for, you have no boundaries and can do the most epic extreme shit ever. Like wingsuit gliding over cliffs, mercenary sniper in the middle east, drug smuggler and get rich, etc
>>685914461
You weren't kidding. You are unlikable. KYS
>>685919370
The passing of struggles is only enticement, but people want to find other options first. Consequences for others plays a role in that decision making. In some ways, they wish they didn't have family. Inflicting hurt makes you hate your suicide even if you are going to do it.
>>685919717
I like your philosophy dude
>>685919865
Okay, dude. All I have to say is that people who care about what happens after they die don't really want to die.
>>685920031
No they don't and they do it anyway
>>685919717
Fucking this. Go spend all your cash on body armor, guns and a ticket to Daesh goatfucking zone. Just take as many of them with ya. Or suicide bomb them! The irony
>>685920170
Because they lack the braincells, thanks anon. I never thought I'd figure it out without you.
>>685912724
Walk into black neighborhood in full klan outfit.
>>685920293
Mental illness sure. All I'm saying is that suicide is still a high strung decision. Humans are made to feel
>>685920352
/thread
Dead in two min tops.
>>685919869
Yeah why end a shitty life while you can do the most awesome shit no one dares to? It's not like you have anything to lose. Work your way into the history books, work your way up in the FBI most wanted list, be a hero (like the sniper from American sniper) got to North Korea and join them (you'd be a most respected person), build bombs and destroy mosques, etc the options are endless
>>685919327
That's an idea OP. Pretend to be inventing something and you die from it. Hell, some sandnigger fooled the entire world with a dollar store clock and a suitcase, I'm sure you can think of something better, being a scientist and all.
>>685920267
You've seen what they do to people they capture right? They torture them horrifically. You think they wouldn't roast a fat amaerican like a pig to send a message? He's a fat white guy; the symbol of what they tail against. He would be a propaganda godsend who they would make scream on camera for as long as they still exist
>>685920491
Why do people who can't make decisions make them anyway?
>>685920610
To be done with it. Getting caught in the heat of the moment. Not wanting to weigh your options.
>>685918905
Something similar happened to me occasionally. L-Arginine helps somewhat. But honestly, girls are pretty horrible in general. If it wasn't that, it would have been something else eventually regardless. It is impossible to ever satisfy them in the long run; they will always decide they want something/someone better or just different.
>>685915033
YOU'LL BE DEAD!! WHO CARES WHAT THE PAPER SAYS?? the fact that you would care means that you WANT to live a happy life where you are accepted and loved.
you in California by chance?
>>685920610
The only reason were arguing this is because you can't undo suicide. People regret choices they make in life
>>685920583
You can't actually do most of this stuff. Particularly if you have essentially no money and are too depressed to take the initiative.
>>685915718
Wait tell me this. Should I take linear algebra at the same time as calc 3?
>>685912724
>Hillary
Unless your voting trump i could care less what you do just buy a co2 tank and a mask like the rest of you beta cucks
>>685913701
>5'9" computer scientist working at a university with no money, and I weigh 270 lbs. I'm not getting thinner. I'm not getting taller. Everyone abuses me. It's time to be done.
wow, there would be people commiting suicide in the thousands if that would actually be a reason to do so.
you are a whiny cunt.
get your shit together.
go to a therapist and stop being a bitch.
i'm far worse off than you and still live and breathe.
OP, you're a faggot if you think your mom won't be destroyed by her kid dying just because it was an accident
>>685920871
thanks....
how are you now?
still hurts like hell being rejected....
>>685918905
Either she was here for sex or she was there for you
If it was the first case you dodged a fucking bullet
If it was the latter just talk to her about it, if she loves you she'll understand
And talk to a doc about it too
>>685912724
Just unplug a microwave,open it and grab a big capacitor in it,not 100% to kill you,but it will look like an accident while tryin to fix it(make sure you like break something in it so it does not work anymore,or you will die "fixing" a working microwave)
>>685917270
Je parle francais. Ma vie ne value rien. Je ne pense pas que un vie en Chine est le solution.
>>685918905
Dude. Why you gotta hijack my thread?
See, even here I'm putting up with shit from little millennial faggots.
>>685919327
I've thought of that, but that would really hurt like a bitch.
>>685922432
Bin viens en france alors
Aller simple passe des études pour devenir prof d'anglais
Un truc comme ça
>>685919717
That is fantasy. In reality, I'll still be a fat loser. Even when I'm not fat, I remain a loser.
>>685922653
ya for a couple seconds, if you are that much of a pussy, there is nothing that can be done. You will have to live until you die naturally. Start smoking
>>685920267
I am a very good marksman, but I'm fat and slow as shit. I'd get an RPG up my asshole and then they'd rape my crippled ass and throw me off the top of a building for being a fag.
>>685920602
Boom. Exactly. I'd be back in base making dirt for money teaching snipers slowly fucking up my hearing even more.
>>685922602
i dont care anymore....
>>685921235
There isn't much overlap. If you can handle the load, you'll be fine. Note that Calc 3 will differ from school to school. I'm assuming that Calc 3 is vector calculus. The classes are likely to be complimentary for the first few weeks, actually.
>>685921317
The point is that some fucktard from Hillary's campaign thought that this was brilliant until someone pointed out to Hillary that being likened to Chairman Mao isn't a compliment in most people's eyes.
Trump '16
>>685922662
Eventuellement. Mais, je ne pense pas que cela resoudre rien.
>>685921414
Why? If anything, you should do the same thing. They can't enslave us for infinite profits and social comparison games if we aren't there. Hell, kill someone you dislike on the way out. The future is nothing but robots and AI software systems owned by multibillionaire overlords anyway.
>>685913821
>Nearly nobody even knows about the shallow water black out
Your the only one. Look everyone I found the special.
>>685921928
Get ready for a long fucking life of it.
>>685922696
Everyone is a loser to someone.
>>685924367
uh God no, i cant....
>>685912724
Be a man and get over it.
If you really are suicidal then go to Thailand and fuck your brains out, then when you have no funds left, rob one of the hookers and do it all again. Eventually the Thai mafia will kill you but you will have one hell of a time until that happens and you don't have to worry about aids because you want to die. If you don't have the money to get to Thailand then go and steal a gun and rob a drug dealer, if he kills you well mission accomplished, if not then go and get the most laid any guy has ever gotten.
fuck off done with your life, go out and be something you piece of shit. Anyone can do it fgt
>>685913701
you must be trolling, just go on meeting web sites and find a gf
the social relation will helps you get balanced
loose weight, you are young and easely can
walk, run, do some exercices, take vitamins
you are a whiny bitch, i would slap you if i was your friend
and you told me that, and i would slap you again and again
as long as you dont man up
you are ridiculous and overproud if you try to hide your own suicide
just jump head first from a building and stop pretending
to care about what people think after you died
and fuck you for my english
>>685923012
OD on deepweb fentanyl and/or Nebutal. Ideally after taking a Benadryl or two and getting really drunk. Should be out in about 15-30 seconds and high off your ass anyway. I have never heard of this failing in my entire life and it is 100% painless. In fact it is almost certainly pleasant, albeit brief.
>>685924832
At some point sex isn't even enjoyable anymore. We're all just dirty animals anyway.
>>685924569
There is no god.
>>685925134
The girls your fucking aren't hot enough. LOL
>>685924988
>just go on meeting web sites and find a gf
my sides....
>>685912724
Grater down throat
>>685912724
Don't kill yourself, just start an International Drug Cartel.
>>685925282
On the contrary. That was what made me desensitized to it all in the first place.
>>685925228
how to deal with eternal sorrow and Pain, knowing it will become only more darker and darker till the End?
>>685925313
what is so funny about it ?
>>685912724
"Fall" off a really tall building. Like 20 stories high.
>>685926256
is 16 enough?
i am afraid to survive...
>follow the instructions
>leave this image up on your monitor
>they'll just think you're stupid
>>685922029
she is a very kind person, always trying not to disapoint people, to make children happy or save the planet by buying Biostuff. and its nothing wrong that sex is important to her.
No death is painless you twats. Everyone fights for that last breath regardless of how they die.
>>685915999
deepweb, takes a few hours to learn but reply to this if you want me to explain some basics
Drive drunk. Just crash into a wall.
>>685926675
on a real note does it work?
>>685928121
try it
>>685928121
uh, sure
>>685928121
Disconnect dryer exhaust close laundry room door, start doing laundry, sit reading book, you will fall asleep and die from CO poisoning.
>>685928557
Only if gas dryer, not electric
>>685925000
Again, this would easily be determined to be a suicide.
>>685924232
The finite resources on this planet will soon be depleted.
There will be no automatic cyborg empire.
there will be hunger, disease and riots.
get off the grid.
move to a rural area.
become self-suficient.
enjoy a simple, hard but fullfilling life while the scum fights for the last scraps of paper on wallstreet.
>>685928121
yea. it does
>>685914461
Spend 6 months trying to lose weight and I guarantee you will be happy
Good luck! I hope you find happiness in suicide. Alcohol and pills will do it, who cares if its on purpose??? Any way go to the opposite end of the country loose your ID and anything that can link you back to your life and go on a bush walk and disappear. Get drunk, take pills, lay in a shallow river. RIP.
>>685927136
Not who you were talking to but I am interested
>>685914461
Know any dealers? Just take a fuck load of coke and smoke some DMT or whatever takes your fansy and dream the last 5 mins of your life away before your heart explodes. It'll make it look like you just ODed, happens all the time.
Alternatively you could just lose some weight go traveling, develop a personality and reinvent yourself somewhere else