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Ask a compulsive thief (kleptomaniac) anything (seriously I

The stories and information posted here are artistic works of fiction and falsehood.
Only a fool would take anything posted here as fact.

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Ask a compulsive thief (kleptomaniac) anything

(seriously I can't control myself from stealing anything)
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>>684200832
btw OP here

>will greentext stories if needed
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>>684200832
how much for an iphone?
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>>684200832
How did your steal adiccion start?
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>>684201199
I don't sell, I just take shit then after I succeed and don't get caught destroy it or keep it
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>>684201332
When I was in highschool as a freshman I started to feel an urge to steal things. It started when I was at school and I saw this new laptop the school bought. Shitty but they forgot to pass the security settings on it first so I took it. They never found me. It just escalated from there. I think it's up in the attic somewhere now
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Who's your favorite ninja turtle?
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I'll put a recent example.
>Be me
>23 year old
>Walking through store
>See little kid with mother walking through the store
>Little kid drops toy
>Really shitty toy
>Kid doesn't realize but stops for a moment
>By now toy is at my feet
>I grab the toy and throw it in my cart and cover it with ham
>Take that bitch
>Kid turns around
>Doesn't see toy
>Starts to cry
>I feel bad
>Don't give it back because it feels so good to see the kid cry
>Kind of smirk at the kid
>Kid looks at me and points at me
>"He stole my toy!"
>I act like I'm getting a jar of olives
>Kid's mom turns around and sees me just looking confused at the kid and her
>Get embarassed bitch
>She apologizes saying that the kid must have dropped the toy
>She takes the kid and leaves
>I went home and smeared my cum on the toy then threw it away
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>>684201843
Naruto he's the shit
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>>684200832
What do you enjoy of steling the adrenaline or the thing you get from it?
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>>684202032
Pfft, that's not even a ninja turtle.
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>>684202170
The chase is really why. The idea of having that much pressure on you and that you can be caught at any time is just amazing. It gives me a rush thinking I'm in danger. Only downside is that I am always paranoid
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Another one anyone?
>Be me 7 years ago
>16 years old
>Junior year
>Have Muslim teacher
>Wears hijab every day
>She leaves her big coat on the hanger every day
>Huge ass coat
>I decide I have to take it
>I don't even want it, it just would be cool
>Feel really good planning it
>When she leaves the classroom in front of the class I grab it
>I run up and shove it into the back of my bag
>Class is watching in awe
>They just stare
>I finally get the coat in
>Perfect plan
>Take it home later
>Teacher doesn't even notice cause end of the day
>I smear my dog's shit all over the inside of the armsleeves of the coat
>Write on the tag on it where her name should be
>"Sandnigger"
>I bring it in tomorrow and it's stinking, so I carry it in a seperate bag
>Get to school early and put it on the hanger
>She probably thinks she left it at school
>She walks in later before class starts to put it on and run into the rain
>She feels disgusted as her arms go through the dog shit
>Cries
>I hide laughter
>I laugh my ass off when I get home but paranoid as fuck to this day about it
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>>684202867
That so totally never happened.
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>>684201948
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>>684203393
Believe me, don't believe me, I can really give less shits
Another story everyone!
>Be me
>Decent job offered
>Had best grades back in school so I put that on my resume
>Get interview offer quick
>Never found out about dogshit incident
>Nobody did...
>(I hope)
>During interview I see the interviewer always checking his phone
>Right in front of him is a key
>I tell myself not now it's an interview
>It's just a key right?
>Over time I keep thinking about just the key
>I'm doing alright in the interview, but I NEED that key
>I "accidently" drop a pen that I was messing with in my hand
>It hits his paper
>"Oh my God I'm so sorry sir!"
>He says it's alright
>He bends to get the papers
>I snatch the key
>He comes up just in time and looks blankly at the table like he's missing something
>"Anything wrong sir?"
>"...no, it's nothing" he replied
>I learned it was his house key and he was locked out of his house after that
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I just got home from getting charged with a misdemeanor for petty theft.
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>>684203708
>Nobody found out about the dogshit incident.

But you said you did it in front of the entire class. Your web of lies is unraveling!
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>>684204099
Didn't even try did you?
I got another one, I just keep needing to look through all my files to find the right ones, they're all scattered
>Be me
>In church
>Yeah, I'm a Jesusfag
>Preacher is preaching his shit
>Yeah yeah, Ecclesiastes 1:2, "Vanity of Vanities..."
>I am following along but then I notice something
>The Bible in front of me is different
>An old one?
>I've never seen this one
>I look up and down my pugh
>Nobody is supposed to have Bible out right now
>This Bible looks to have diamonds on the side of it
>Could be worth a lot
>Wouldn't even sell it, just want to take it
>What if...
>FOR FUCK SAKE WE'RE IN CHURCH
>I sit uncomfortably
>People looking over
>I get my composure back
>My bag that I carry with me to church to carry my own Bible is next to me
>Shit shit shit
>Forgive me Jesus I need to do this
>"Open your Bibles to the Psalms..."
>Oh thank you
>I grab the Bible while nobody's looking and put it in my bag
>I'm so sorry Ieusus
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>>684200832
What is the weirdest thing that you have stole?
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>>684203708
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This you OP?
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>>684204613
Allow me to rephrase: nobody in my class spoke of it, so nobody who actually had a meaning in existence knew about it. Snitches get stitches
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>>684200832
do u feel guilty op... about stealing my heart?
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>>684204715
Probably one time when I stole a Vedas from a Hindu girl I was dating. During the date I stole it from her purse and with it I stole a vibrator that was covered in black and yellow paint
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>>684204919
;)
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>>684204643
Oh yeah, bibles with diamonds in the side. That's totally a thing.
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>>684205645
It's the holier bible.
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MORE STORIES
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Has anyone ever caught you stealing from them and beat the shit out of you?
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Don't ask, they were fucking crazy
>Be me
>3 years ago
>Family reunion
>Sister showed niece Ni Hao Kailan
>Niece has tons of that shit
>Told to watch niece
>Niece is total bitch btw
>She keeps playing with that tiger thing
>Right next to her is the little girl from the show
>I bet she would cry a river if I took it
>I decide it's time to screw with her
>Act nice to her
>Make her leave the room thinking we'll play hide and seek
>I grab the plush and shove it under my jacket
>She comes in and doesn't notice
>She's mad that I didn't play
>I leave with the Ni Hao Kailan plush
>Get home
>Don't know what to do
>Get sister's picture
>Tape it to the plush
>Weird boner
>Fap.gif
>Cum on picture of sis' face on Kailan plush
>Guilty as fuck
>Take it outside
>Night by now
>I burn it
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>>684206097
Only once. My dad caught me but he never beat the shit out of me. He just made me give his condom stash back.
>>684206483
I forgot picture of Kailan
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>>684200832
how many things have you stole?
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>>684200832
I stole shot from people in middle school
CD players mostly
A year ago I started stealing stuff from GameStop
>dualshocks for ps4 and ps3 like 7 of them
> DS games,Wiimotes,psmove remotes
>one time I even got a psgold headset
>I ended up taking it to the independent game shop across town
And that's how I got a ps4
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>>684206483
Some more
>Be me
>Sitting at the table with friends
>La Fansay Restaurante
>Listening to vocaloid while writing these
>That has no relevance to the story
>I'm sitting there and see my friend leave the tip
>I say I'll see them later, I say I want to flirt with the waitress
>Not abnormal for me, I flirt all the time just because it's fun
>They say okay and leave
>It's a $50 tip
>He must have loved that waitress
>I steal the money and the receipt
>Leave note saying "Bitch, serve us better next time"
>I wait for the waitress to get there
>I tell her they left a really rude note for her
>She reads it and starts to tear up
>I pat her on the back and tell her I thought she did good
>She thanks me
>I get her number
>Another story for another time

I burnt that money btw
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>>684200832
Do anyone know about your adiccion?
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>>684206813
I don't count all of it, it's like a weekly occurrence
>>684207306
I don't steal for profit, I just like to steal for the fun of it. The rush feels amazing and the guilt makes me feel human
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>>684207399
I joke about my addiction to my friends and they think it's just a joke. To be honest it's not and sometimes I get really depressed and will tell myself I am a waste of space and disappointment to God for stealing these things and doing these unforgivable things
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>>684207357
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Hey guys, OP here, do you guys want more stories? I have a few that I can think of off the top of my mind, but all the regular ones are just boring things like "I see it, I took it"
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>>684201948
>>I feel bad
>>Don't give it back because it feels so good to see the kid cry

Make up your mind before you type those sad made up stories buddy.
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>>684208557
You never liked seeing a kid cry? It's funny
Thread replies: 42
Thread images: 13


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