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Ask a compulsive thief (kleptomaniac) anything (seriously I

The stories and information posted here are artistic works of fiction and falsehood.
Only a fool would take anything posted here as fact.

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Ask a compulsive thief (kleptomaniac) anything

(seriously I can't control myself from stealing anything)
btw OP here

>will greentext stories if needed
how much for an iphone?
How did your steal adiccion start?
I don't sell, I just take shit then after I succeed and don't get caught destroy it or keep it
When I was in highschool as a freshman I started to feel an urge to steal things. It started when I was at school and I saw this new laptop the school bought. Shitty but they forgot to pass the security settings on it first so I took it. They never found me. It just escalated from there. I think it's up in the attic somewhere now
Who's your favorite ninja turtle?
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I'll put a recent example.
>Be me
>23 year old
>Walking through store
>See little kid with mother walking through the store
>Little kid drops toy
>Really shitty toy
>Kid doesn't realize but stops for a moment
>By now toy is at my feet
>I grab the toy and throw it in my cart and cover it with ham
>Take that bitch
>Kid turns around
>Doesn't see toy
>Starts to cry
>I feel bad
>Don't give it back because it feels so good to see the kid cry
>Kind of smirk at the kid
>Kid looks at me and points at me
>"He stole my toy!"
>I act like I'm getting a jar of olives
>Kid's mom turns around and sees me just looking confused at the kid and her
>Get embarassed bitch
>She apologizes saying that the kid must have dropped the toy
>She takes the kid and leaves
>I went home and smeared my cum on the toy then threw it away
Naruto he's the shit
What do you enjoy of steling the adrenaline or the thing you get from it?
Pfft, that's not even a ninja turtle.
The chase is really why. The idea of having that much pressure on you and that you can be caught at any time is just amazing. It gives me a rush thinking I'm in danger. Only downside is that I am always paranoid
Another one anyone?
>Be me 7 years ago
>16 years old
>Junior year
>Have Muslim teacher
>Wears hijab every day
>She leaves her big coat on the hanger every day
>Huge ass coat
>I decide I have to take it
>I don't even want it, it just would be cool
>Feel really good planning it
>When she leaves the classroom in front of the class I grab it
>I run up and shove it into the back of my bag
>Class is watching in awe
>They just stare
>I finally get the coat in
>Perfect plan
>Take it home later
>Teacher doesn't even notice cause end of the day
>I smear my dog's shit all over the inside of the armsleeves of the coat
>Write on the tag on it where her name should be
>I bring it in tomorrow and it's stinking, so I carry it in a seperate bag
>Get to school early and put it on the hanger
>She probably thinks she left it at school
>She walks in later before class starts to put it on and run into the rain
>She feels disgusted as her arms go through the dog shit
>I hide laughter
>I laugh my ass off when I get home but paranoid as fuck to this day about it
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That so totally never happened.
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Believe me, don't believe me, I can really give less shits
Another story everyone!
>Be me
>Decent job offered
>Had best grades back in school so I put that on my resume
>Get interview offer quick
>Never found out about dogshit incident
>Nobody did...
>(I hope)
>During interview I see the interviewer always checking his phone
>Right in front of him is a key
>I tell myself not now it's an interview
>It's just a key right?
>Over time I keep thinking about just the key
>I'm doing alright in the interview, but I NEED that key
>I "accidently" drop a pen that I was messing with in my hand
>It hits his paper
>"Oh my God I'm so sorry sir!"
>He says it's alright
>He bends to get the papers
>I snatch the key
>He comes up just in time and looks blankly at the table like he's missing something
>"Anything wrong sir?"
>", it's nothing" he replied
>I learned it was his house key and he was locked out of his house after that
I just got home from getting charged with a misdemeanor for petty theft.
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>Nobody found out about the dogshit incident.

But you said you did it in front of the entire class. Your web of lies is unraveling!
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Didn't even try did you?
I got another one, I just keep needing to look through all my files to find the right ones, they're all scattered
>Be me
>In church
>Yeah, I'm a Jesusfag
>Preacher is preaching his shit
>Yeah yeah, Ecclesiastes 1:2, "Vanity of Vanities..."
>I am following along but then I notice something
>The Bible in front of me is different
>An old one?
>I've never seen this one
>I look up and down my pugh
>Nobody is supposed to have Bible out right now
>This Bible looks to have diamonds on the side of it
>Could be worth a lot
>Wouldn't even sell it, just want to take it
>What if...
>I sit uncomfortably
>People looking over
>I get my composure back
>My bag that I carry with me to church to carry my own Bible is next to me
>Shit shit shit
>Forgive me Jesus I need to do this
>"Open your Bibles to the Psalms..."
>Oh thank you
>I grab the Bible while nobody's looking and put it in my bag
>I'm so sorry Ieusus
What is the weirdest thing that you have stole?
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This you OP?
Allow me to rephrase: nobody in my class spoke of it, so nobody who actually had a meaning in existence knew about it. Snitches get stitches
do u feel guilty op... about stealing my heart?
Probably one time when I stole a Vedas from a Hindu girl I was dating. During the date I stole it from her purse and with it I stole a vibrator that was covered in black and yellow paint
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Oh yeah, bibles with diamonds in the side. That's totally a thing.
It's the holier bible.
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Has anyone ever caught you stealing from them and beat the shit out of you?
Don't ask, they were fucking crazy
>Be me
>3 years ago
>Family reunion
>Sister showed niece Ni Hao Kailan
>Niece has tons of that shit
>Told to watch niece
>Niece is total bitch btw
>She keeps playing with that tiger thing
>Right next to her is the little girl from the show
>I bet she would cry a river if I took it
>I decide it's time to screw with her
>Act nice to her
>Make her leave the room thinking we'll play hide and seek
>I grab the plush and shove it under my jacket
>She comes in and doesn't notice
>She's mad that I didn't play
>I leave with the Ni Hao Kailan plush
>Get home
>Don't know what to do
>Get sister's picture
>Tape it to the plush
>Weird boner
>Cum on picture of sis' face on Kailan plush
>Guilty as fuck
>Take it outside
>Night by now
>I burn it
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Only once. My dad caught me but he never beat the shit out of me. He just made me give his condom stash back.
I forgot picture of Kailan
how many things have you stole?
I stole shot from people in middle school
CD players mostly
A year ago I started stealing stuff from GameStop
>dualshocks for ps4 and ps3 like 7 of them
> DS games,Wiimotes,psmove remotes
>one time I even got a psgold headset
>I ended up taking it to the independent game shop across town
And that's how I got a ps4
Some more
>Be me
>Sitting at the table with friends
>La Fansay Restaurante
>Listening to vocaloid while writing these
>That has no relevance to the story
>I'm sitting there and see my friend leave the tip
>I say I'll see them later, I say I want to flirt with the waitress
>Not abnormal for me, I flirt all the time just because it's fun
>They say okay and leave
>It's a $50 tip
>He must have loved that waitress
>I steal the money and the receipt
>Leave note saying "Bitch, serve us better next time"
>I wait for the waitress to get there
>I tell her they left a really rude note for her
>She reads it and starts to tear up
>I pat her on the back and tell her I thought she did good
>She thanks me
>I get her number
>Another story for another time

I burnt that money btw
Do anyone know about your adiccion?
I don't count all of it, it's like a weekly occurrence
I don't steal for profit, I just like to steal for the fun of it. The rush feels amazing and the guilt makes me feel human
I joke about my addiction to my friends and they think it's just a joke. To be honest it's not and sometimes I get really depressed and will tell myself I am a waste of space and disappointment to God for stealing these things and doing these unforgivable things
Hey guys, OP here, do you guys want more stories? I have a few that I can think of off the top of my mind, but all the regular ones are just boring things like "I see it, I took it"
>>I feel bad
>>Don't give it back because it feels so good to see the kid cry

Make up your mind before you type those sad made up stories buddy.
You never liked seeing a kid cry? It's funny
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Thread images: 13

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